Elise

Woe, Thrice Woe

elethe — Sat, 09 Jul 2022 07:53:08 GMT

Hello. Logged in to check the details of a story I retold in an old journal entry.

What's up everyone? I assume you are not using this platform because of obvious reasons.

Anyway, everyone I know has Covid right now. Except for me., For now. Hope you are all well. Send coffee and chickpeas — the virtual kind seeing as the other sort are not so readily available now. Precious things!

Old Times are New Again

elethe — Thu, 18 Feb 2021 23:22:07 GMT

I have just spent the last few hours trying to remember old passwords and logins for MySpace, Yahoo and Livejournal. I succeeded with two of these things (as can be evidenced here) but have no clue what details I used for Myspace.

Even if I remembered , they seem to have wiped almost everything away that was once there. The only thing that still seems to be there is the limited friends list, which shows that at one point I had a connection with Dara O'Briain.

I am a bit sleepy now, as I had the vaccination yesterday., My arm is sore, I am not sure why I am still up.

Anyway, that is by the by. I just stopped by to say "Hello, is there anyone still here?"

Hello again

elethe — Wed, 03 Feb 2016 13:09:55 GMT

marysiak has declared it Livejournal February and who am I to argue?

I am feeling a bit maudlin this month.

Last month was pretty full, really. I managed to write a song, do some auditions, gig a few times, film a commercial (might not get shown but it was done and that's the thing), submit some writing for a job and generally feel okay with my place in the world.

I also listened to a lot of David Bowie. Which meant that I ended up with a distinct memento mori month as well.

This month the sense of mortality has carried over but I haven't yet kickstarted any creativity. It is February 3 and this is ever such a short month.

I am still waiting for payment for work already done so I can't even go out and have fun and forget about it all. I did get £1.51 from royalties, but a few cans of chick peas and tomatoes and beans has left very little of that still to spend.

So I sit here contemplating art. I worry about the future and the state of the world. I consider it is probably time to suspend Godwin's Law as there are some things in the world that really do seem to be worrying, and calling them out is not losing the argument - it may be the only way not to lose.

This could all just be because it is February 3, in the middle of the day, and it is dark and gloomy out. Maybe I will eat some of those chickpeas and feel better.

Another Brick in the Lane - A Look around Brick Lane, London

elethe — Fri, 03 Apr 2015 08:30:51 GMT

I completely forget about Livejournal. Hello, to people who are still here!

Vegetables are our friends

elethe — Tue, 29 Jul 2014 15:04:11 GMT

I used to eat more than 5 portions of fruit and vegetables, but I had been slipping for a while.

Decided to sort it out, as I had started to get a little bit weighty. Been eating mostly just fruit and vegetables and a bit of protein lately (with a tiny, tiny amount of gluten free bread that was reduced at the end of the day, but only a small loaf over the last week) and it seems to be working.

Feel less bloated and am now only overweight rather than getting into the "worryingly close to obese" category. I am still almost a stone more than I was 10 years ago, but as 10 years ago I was at my lightest adult weight I am actually about my average adult weight now.

I am going to aim to get down to about 60 kilogrammes, but I am not going to stress about it, just carry on eating fruits and vegetables as the main part of my diet. Which is what you are supposed to do anyway (rather than the crisps and chocolate diet that I was starting to slip into).

Every time I eat more vegetables I fruit I realise that I only really want to eat vegetables and fruit. Though every time I eat mostly crisps and chocolate I start to think they are all I want.

It has been easier and cheaper than it would have been because of the plentiful early blackberries growing in the back alleyway. Though I should remember I have eaten them next time so I don't get worried when some of them come out almost the same as they went in. Moment of panic for a second.

I didn't ever eat that much processed food (apart from the crisps and chocolate), fortunately, but I have cut out the extra sugar I had started to rely on.

Still can't get into most of my clothes, but I am nearer than I was. Had a three day headache last week, but that seems to have passed. I am going to assume that was "toxins" stuck in my fat, whether that is true or not, and hope my headaches are fewer and further between now.

On Reviews

elethe — Sun, 27 Jul 2014 21:03:20 GMT

I had one review in 2012 for a show several audience members had tweeted was the funniest thing they had ever seen. The reviewer (who arrived late) did not get it at all.

I have read quite a few reviews of shows (and other things) that I loved, and later been dismayed at how differently they were perceived and judged by reviewers.

Often shows I hated have been lauded.

Reviews are fun if you are writing them and they are helpful to a potential audience member who has the exact same tastes, sense of humour, IQ and life experiences as the reviewer. Even twins usually don't share all the same traits, so really only the reviewer can ever agree entirely with the opinion of the reviewer. And even they might have had a different opinion if they had eaten something different that day, if it hadn't rained or if the person they bumped into on the bus had said sorry. Or if they had bothered to turn up in time for the beginning and hadn't sat too far back to see things properly.

Reviews can be entertaining if they are full of well-worded vitriol, but then they are really just the writer showing off.

Otherwise they are meaningless, and once whatever they were reviewing has finished or is not available a bad review is just like a lingering smell. Only a good review is of any use to anyone because it can be used for publicity.

A bad review will likely be remembered by the victim and may hang about on the internet being a horrible reminder to them - but nobody is going to quote a bad review unless it is to show how stupid and wrong the reviewer was when talking about something everyone else agreed was wonderful.

I say this as someone who has reviewed, been reviewed and read reviews.

For anyone about to do a show in the upcoming weeks, in Edinburgh and beyond: those who are about to die, we salute you.

All or Nothing

elethe — Mon, 07 Jul 2014 19:30:31 GMT

I am an incredibly indolent person, but when I start to do things I tend to do as much as possible.

So today I posted a video, made a Facebook page and selling page for my father's paintings and the BBC New Comedy Awards. I have always wanted to but hadn't before, as they stopped them before I started doing stand up and I hadn't noticed they were doing them again.

The deadline is in a few hours so I had a bit of a panic preparing the audio file and making sure it was under 5 minutes. Whether it is any good is the least of my worries, as it was more a case of doing it rather than having a hope in hell of winning. Though of course I am amazing and all. (This positive thinking malarkey is just pomposity and delusion, isn't it?)

Anyway, here is me in a corset. Yay.

The Greater Good -- Armchair Philosophy

elethe — Wed, 02 Jul 2014 20:14:30 GMT

Tried to film a video in my house today and couldn't find anywhere where the light was just right. Eventually I just cleared all the stuff of the armchair in the corner of my room, used mostly as a recepticle for holding all my unused pillows and winter cardigans.

It is probably also where most of the moths [that won't die] live.

The Real Angel

elethe — Thu, 26 Jun 2014 12:57:48 GMT

I haven't used this account for a very long time, but had to upgrade to a paid account today, since I have a Youtube account that was linked to a Livejournal email address and only paid accounts have access to the email.

So I was locked out of Google for the account.

Grr.

So I have paid for two months now, may as well use it.

If anyone on my friends list is still on Livejournal, please say hi and tell me if I have missed anything.

In the meantime this (again).

Long Absent

elethe — Mon, 21 Jan 2013 17:33:08 GMT

There was a time I would visit Livejournal every day and read all the posts in my friendslist before I did anything else.

Those days are long gone!

Still, I still have this journal and I suppose I should occasionally use it.

What have I been doing?

Well a few character comedy videos lately, with mixed responses.

Here:

It used to be far easier to do an entry. This is just too fiddly.

Until the next time, au revoir!

48 Hours

elethe — Tue, 16 Oct 2012 11:08:24 GMT

Took part in a 48 hour film challenge the other week but the guy doing the editing didn't finish it in time so we missed the deadline.

I tweaked it a little and put it on Youtube (added Kevin Macleod music and a few extra cuts - but it is still rough and ready!)

Anyway, here it is. It is what it is - we didn't have great equipment or any external mics or lighting and nobody was really in charge, but it's ok for a quck and messy collaboration. I have since got the original foortage so I might try another edit, or I might not. This one leaves out a few key scenes that would have made it make more sense - but I was working with what was available at the time.

Putting it Together

elethe — Tue, 24 Jul 2012 12:23:56 GMT

I should definitely have planned some Edinburgh previews. I would have if I wasn't so cowardly - but now it means that the first few shows of the actual Edinburgh run will be the first time I have done almost all of this stuff.

Argh.

I made a presentation thing as I thought that might help - but the chances are the projector I borrowed and the presentation I made are not really compatible unless I spend money on either a special lead or special programs and I don't have that luxury after spending all spare money on actually getting to Edinburgh (and associated costs).

If I'd had to pay for the venue it might have cost £3000 to £12,000 more than I have spent - but it's all relative because I have still spent everything I have (had!)

Good job I am not sure I want people to come and see it because the costs of PR and marketing would have driven me way over the edge.

Reading through the notes I have - 10 single-spaced A4 pages, not including the presentation, any videos I might use and any of my well-used material.

It takes less than a minute to read in my head but I know from the past that a page of text takes over 6 minutes to perform - so theoretically I have more than enough stuff, it's just doing it in front of people and praying they are not bored that's the real problem.

My mother thinks I should just play them a song on my ukulele every time I see them flagging - but I think a 50 minute uke song might be worse! I could do the Happy Happy Birthday song for that long, though.

I am still looking forward to Edinburgh but it's more about seeing the place and all the people I haven't run into for a while.

I recently saw Matt Welcome's Edinburgh preview and he is also doing the Free Fringe this year in the last week, so I will try to get to that - though I think our shows might be very close to one another, so I will have to run to catch it. That's not a problem though - his show is about how time doesn't really exist.

If the premise is true that is good - if I have successfully written and performed the show at some point then it is already done, and if I haven't then I was never going to.

This explains why when things happen they just happen and no amount of planning and worrying changes the outcome.

Hello Live Journal

elethe — Wed, 30 May 2012 11:10:39 GMT

Ages since I posted here in this journal and in the meantime they have changed the input box and I can't do what I used to do as easily at all!

My paid account expired a few days ago and it seemed a bit pointless renewing it, but I just signed up for a free two week trial of a paid account, so I have two week's grace!

Not that I use it anyway.

So. The dog bite I got in March is healing but will definitely leave a crescent shaped red scar. It's not huge but it is there and it is still a bit tender and itchy at times.

I did not pursue a claim, though I probably should as even though the owners kept saying the dog was safe, it wasn't really (It had bitten the daughter of the house in the past, so claims it never bites were spurious). They keep it indoors but even so.

It was too exhausting to take it further.

And I did not even get paid by the local authority for either my jeans or the session, as they claimed I had done all the alotted hours already (even though I had been having emailed conversations about more sessions and a different venue.) I suspect they were just trying to get out of any possibility of litigation and I am a bit annoyed by the whole thing.

All I can do is try to forget about it now (scar notwithstanding).

Almost all my tutorials have ended for the summer so financially I am a bit on edge right now. I will certainly have to think hard about things in the next few months.

It's all left me a little dazed and hopeless - though possibly no more than ever.

Don't know if I have had any epiphanies or revelations so much as I don't really care about anything one way or the other any more. I have given up but keep on fighting anyway. There doesn't seem to be any thing else I can do.

Just keeping on keeping on - as ever!

I am actually fairly cheerful and sanguine, so this isn't a desperation post so much as a "the way things stand" post.

Though people posting comments on my videos telling me I am wasting my time are not helping - I maybe post one video every 10 to 14 days right now and it takes an hour or two at most from start to finish (set up filming, editing and upload) so I am not wasting that much time. Also, when I find something that at least feels like it is semi-productive and helps to bolster what little self esteem remains the last thing I want is people taking that away as well!

So if you hate me piss off, and if you say you like me, please don't undermine my confidence and belittle me.

When the Dog Bites

elethe — Thu, 29 Mar 2012 17:04:10 GMT

So the dog bite I got yesterday on my leg bled a lot in the night so I had to go out early to the walk in clinic to get new dressing.

It looked pretty horrible under the bandage (not just blood), but I looked at it just now and took a picture (below) and I think it's a bit better now.

The nurse said it's a good job I am now on antibiotics and to come back if it gets any worse.

Hopefully it will heal. It's a bit tender for now. I haven't checked the one on my arm, but I think it might look a lot better than the leg one as it wasn't as deep to start with.

The owners of the dog (a shar pei) have been apologetic, but it shouldn't have happened.

Everyone has been pressuring me to take action but I don't want revenge or anything. I was obliged to tell the tutor agency though and they passed it on to the council. They are going to arrange future tutorials somewhere not in the house.

I am not scared of dogs, but I don't want it to happen again.


Dog bite on my thigh, the day after I got bitten - 29/03/12

This is after I took the second dressing off just to take a picture. There are marks in my skin from where the dressing was, but all the purple and red bits are the actual wound! It's from a low angle looking up so is a little fore-shortened - I was hampered by trying to take a picture of it myself when it's on the back/side of my leg. It's tricky. Also, you can see my pants!

Recap of what happened - I arrived at the tutorial and was shown into the front room. I reached up to adjust the dimmer switch as it was quite dark. The dog, which they usually keep away from the room where I tutor, was loose and must have assumed I was an intruder. I felt it jump at my arm from behind and bite into it and before I could do anything it jumped up at my leg and bit into that - tearing through the fabric of my trousers. I felt very shocked and woozy and went to see what had happened to my leg. The dog (I think it's a she) had very definitely bitten through into my leg and it was bleeding.

Meanwhile the owner kept saying the dog doesn't bite. It very definitely had bitten me - twice!

I wasn't sure what to do, but I asked them to take me to get it seen to.

The walk-in centre didn't see me for an hour. The dog's owner waited with me. When I was seen I got a shot and a prescription. The leg was bleeding a lot more than the arm. The nurse said I couldn't have stitches, alkthough the dog had bitten through and there was a flap of skin,. and if it was any other wound than an animal bite she would have stitched it. Apparently animal bites tend to turn to absesses.

The nurse said I should go home and rest. Though I didn't for a while because I had to pick up the prescription (another hour!) The dog owner waited with me for the prescription and paid the £7 ish for it (I didn't have the money anyway). He also drove me home.

I am not going to prosecute or anything. I have to tutor someone in their house and they are not bad people, but that dog needs sorting out! Worst thing is I had to cancel the tutorial straight afterwards because I had to go to the walk in centre

I have the tetanus booster and antibiotics so it will hopefully be ok in the end!
It hurts now though - and it's in an awkward place on the back of my thigh.

Update The bandage just fell off my arm so here's a picture of that. The bite is nowhere near as deep but I do have a bruise.


My arm three days after the dog bite. Saturday 30 March, 2012.

In the confusion I left most of the books I use to tutor at the dog owners' house, so I will have to get the boy I tutor to bring them to the next tutorial.

TMI - The Song

elethe — Sun, 25 Mar 2012 17:31:39 GMT

Experiments from the kitchen cupboard

elethe — Sat, 17 Mar 2012 17:01:08 GMT

I am trying to save money and at the same time keep healthy and well-groomed. I have also forsworn shampoo since it never does anything but irritate my scalp anyway - but that means my hair is a bit random lately.

Anyway, I decided to try and perk up my hair with a home colour rinse thingy made from ingredients I already had at home. It was a partial success.

What's in a Name?

elethe — Sun, 26 Feb 2012 20:01:06 GMT

I don’t understand why people have such a problem with name dropping. Essentially all of us are defined by the people around us - if someone else respects, likes or loves you it goes a long way to helping you assert your self-worth . It can’t all be about external validation, obviously, you have to in some ways not entirely define yourself according to how others see you - that said how others see you is a good shorthand when you are meeting new people. If you can reach out and say “hey look - I know this person you might have heard about and they don’t think I am crap, maybe you will like me too. Please like me, please!” then you get instant validation.

If the person you are trying to impress isn’t impressed then maybe they won’t get on that well with you anyway. If they are more interested in the person whose name you dropped than in you maybe that also isn’t a hugely good sign. If, though, they are suitably impressed that someone they like or respect might like or respect you then you have at least negotiated common ground. Yes, sometimes it might look a little desperate, but really aren’t we all desperate people trying to connect with each other?

Also, sometimes you have to mention names in order to make whatever you are saying make sense. If they are people the other person doesn’t know (eg your auntie Jean, or your best friend when you were 6) then the name is meaningless, but if the person is well known it is a lot easier to say their name in the proper context.

If your best friend when you were 6 was Prince Harry or your auntie Jean was actually Marilyn Monroe I think I would want to know that.

Rogues

elethe — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 13:17:37 GMT

Just had a guy come to the door demanding money with menace. He reckoned he was the son of a man who came to pave the drive a decade ago and that the "vat had never been paid".

I was in the bath but I heard the altercation from upstairs and smelled the pungent and unpleasant cigarette smoke.

I came down, got the jist quickly, told him he was a massive conman and shut the door in his face.

He rang the bell again. I opened it and he threw the end of his fag butt at me and walked away screaming he would be back and he wanted his money.

As far as I can gather he has no case. He wouldn't provide my flatmate/landlord with paperwork, demanded 20 per cent VAT when at the time of the drive laying it would have been 15 per cent.

Also this guy was middle aged and Irish and someone who claimed to be the son of the man who laid the drive came by just before Christmas trying to get us to pay for the drive to be cleaned. He was much younger than this man and not Irish.

Landlord says the job was not done properly in the first place - when we said this to the guy before Christmas he cliamed it was because there is no underlay because "it was never paid for". Well, if it isn't there then the job wasn't done properly and they should have pointed that out at the time, and charged any money they though was owed, and not waited a decade and several years after the death of the tradesman. That makes no sense at all.

And no, we are not going to give a group of people who can't be trusted to do the job properly in the first place more money to do it wrong again.

The man today reckoned he had also been involved in cutting down trees at the back. My landlords says taht was definitely a different group of workmen.

We are plagued with people knowcking on the door offering to cut down trees/mend the front of the house/repave the drive/deal with fly tipping here.

It is almost certain the fly tipping is there because of some of them - people keep dumping old trees out the back and blocking the path and access to the garage (it's not in use, but it's still an annoyance).

Every few days someone comes and claims to be someone who worked on something here before or they are working on a neighbours house/garden and just happen to have some spare paint/plaster/equipment that we would be mad to pass up.

The house still stinks of smoke and he didn't even cross the threshold. We have a hepa filter on full and it's making very little difference.

My landlord is upset and distressed and would likely still be arguing with the conman if I hadn't shut the door and told the man to go.

There is, of course, no paperwork. The original guy who did the work appears to have died some time ago, if any of these people are to be believed, and this man claimed the drive was done "2 or 3 years ago" - it is at least 7 or 8.

Moving in here was delayed originally because of holes in the ceiling caused by another set of unscrupulous tradesmen who gained access to the attic and then did damage they obviously intended to charge for mending.

It is possible these people are related to the latest guy too.

If he comes back we might phone the police - or Rogue Traders. Get on the TV with our story of dodgy builders!

Last Rose of Summer

elethe — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 14:18:42 GMT

There are still flowers in my garden. This time last year it had already snowed by now, but they were out in November even then. Don't think this rose is properly acclimatised.

Slightly Wrong!

elethe — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 12:53:57 GMT

I switched on auto transcript for my short film http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-YUgdn_zR9Y

This is what it gave me:

I Was Never Young

00:09

it's not easy being rude

00:12

especially when you've been around for

00:15

it gets lonely

00:17

all these people coming from groups

doing

00:21

i was never

00:22

bosnian

00:24

which is good

00:26

any be surprised if you're

00:29

garment

00:59

scrutiny tool

01:01

yes in that meeting new people

01:03

it's about

01:04

i was kind of a stressful

01:11

no another drink

01:14

lying

01:17

contiguous to many of us

01:20

so i was the only one

01:22

seemed like he should be such a fetus

01:24

was somebody in the same position as you

yes he's right estimating that you have

01:28

to let people know what you wanted

01:30

and what do you want

01:32

saying everybody

01:33

spanking chain always looking good

friday an immediate exactly

01:38

animating

01:40

and try set up a city eca seven nine

animal don't you think that this

01:45

are u

01:47

final offer anything

01:49

quite here

01:51

his his sends will off so many people

01:54

and mortals

01:55

it was the world

01:57

aren't they

01:58

underdevelopment and a motherly london

nodded

02:02

on a mobile

02:04

iraq

02:05

in also my health

02:07

npr market for it

02:09

it

02:11

army the school

02:12

you are you going to go

02:14

i think every are an awful lot of park

are

02:19

because shop uploader

02:20

scratch

02:22

call bahut

02:23

audits

02:25

if you're not so i think i dislike

02:27

prove it

02:28

how much does it up

02:29

he could slash eighteen cell

02:31

we see the comment that

02:33

is haven't gotten so that is actually

live forever

02:36

and abusing pakistani rituals there on

time

02:40

knowing full well

02:41

she's the presidency

02:44

animals

02:46

yes

02:48

how close you personally

02:51

lost

02:52

perceive the shelling

02:54

i said that the policy nine you are not

shelley

02:57

dentistry hang on

02:59

some free market mortality they don't

want to suggestions

03:08

i'm dead

03:12

that crap like it

03:17

all right

03:18

byron

03:33

so there are only two of us

03:36

jenny ninety routine to me

03:40

and and time

03:43

to show me with that so you don't

03:48

tactic

03:50

so how can you can look in the sun

03:53

city tickets in the debate

03:56

sunscreen

04:02

had

04:26

dot blots

04:30

about what today

04:33

jobs last self uh...

I think I had better work on an accurate version!

Recipes!

elethe — Sun, 27 Nov 2011 12:26:59 GMT

Recently posted recipe videos for parsnip crisps and honeycomb toffee. They are both delicious and quick.

Gone

elethe — Thu, 24 Nov 2011 14:41:20 GMT

Was a member of Gwent Young People's Theatre years ago - it was the youth theatre part of a thriving Theatre in Education company (Gwent Theatre). I was just wondering what the chances of going back home to live and working for them would be, maybe helping with the youth theatre or the touring shows. Turns out it would be nil - it was forced to close in June 2010 because of Arts Council cuts.

As the cuts are even more extreme now I would guess the chances of getting work in regional theatre and theatre in education are getting more and more minuscule.

I was never the most successful member of GYPT - I was only 14, chubby and bespectacled and I although I got cast as Sheila in An Inspector Calls (as a replacement for someone else) I was humiliated for putting on weight over the Christmas period and replaced by the stage manager, while I took on her responsibilities. I am a rubbish stage manager as I prefer to be out there performing.

All in all it was a mixed experience. I made many friends and had a good time, but one of the tutors there played too many mind games for it to be a wholly positive experience. My confidence was damaged and I never got as much as I should have out of the experience. This is probably not a great example, but for all my humiliations and failure I still think it was a worthwhile opportunity. Would have been better without a psycho tutor, but you can't have everything.

Still, now nobody in that area even has the chance to do any Young People's Theatre. It was relatively local and inclusive and a very important part of the community.

I am a bit upset it no longer exists. (Although further research seems to indicate there is still a Gwent Young People's Theatre, just not the TIE company).

How does community theatre get funded these days?

Parallel to this the courses at my new local arts centre, The ArtsDepot in North Finchley have recently be almost entirely cut. Tutors were sent letters recently telling them if they wished to consider continuing their courses they would have to hire the space and deal with all the administration themselves. As the upfront costs are prohibitive it means most of the courses will no doubt disappear.

I am a member of the Actors Company and although that is continuing we will very likely have to find ways of funding future productions that don't rely on The Arts Depot.

I would like to do something about the situation but I have no idea what I could do.

I realise everything has been cut lately and many people would argue that the arts should be a low priority but those people are wrong. The arts are enormously important. My father was the first generation after the war to get funding for further education and took advantage of this by going to Art College. He spent 30 years teaching children in a deprived area of Wales - so he definitely gave something back. Funding his education was certainly worthwhile for the knock on benefits. And people who are educated in the arts and go on to achieve greatness, or even mediocrity are all giving something back - although they cannot do so if the funding isn't there.

Without the opportunities nobody will achieve anything, society will stagnate and everything will be even more depressing than it already is.

In short. I am mad and I'm not going to take it anymore.

Or rather I am, because I have no clue what to do, no real opportunities to do it and certainly no funding or infrastructure any more.

Torpor

elethe — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 14:54:41 GMT

I am in the middle of a bit of an early hibernation (an autumnation?) It's almost a month since the return from Edinburgh but it feels like an eternity. Although nothing at all has happened, really.

I am trying to get motivated. I have done a few voice bits for some online animation and video games, I am still waiting to hear what's happening with the sitcom I am working on with friends (I have written a spec script but everyone else seems to have been out of the country. Everything seems to have stalled though.)

Started back to the Acting Company last week. There was some talk of doing the Passion part of Tony Harrison's Mystery cycle, but a few of us argued against that. Some of the other group members didn't understand the objections, even they were explained. The argument against largely hinged on the historical context of passion plays, Oberammergau and its rather unsavoury reputation, the massacre of the Jews at York during the middle ages when the original Mysteries were presented and a whole host of nasty issues. Many people in the group counter-argued with "how is anti-semitism an issue today, though?" To which the only answer is a raise of one's eyebrows.

Though, there might have been a chance of me playing Jesus (I read the part when we were discussing the plays) so maybe I was hasty in objecting. (oh I am so selfish!)

So we are doing a translation of Lorca's Blood Wedding. From what I have read of it so far it is a rather overblown version and I think there's next to no chance of me getting a big part, but still, at least it's not the passion.

I have a comedy night coming up - and I have to book for that. Weekly from November 24 at The Florence, Islington - probably have a bigger night with a headliner once a month and open spot/casual/try out nights in the weeks between. Will start booking open spots for that now. Still need to get a bigger name for the first show, so open to any serious suggestions. The owner of the pub want some one recognisable for the first one at least.

I probably (definitely) need a day job some time very soon indeed though, especially if none of the other stuff pans out.

If anyone has any paid acting work they would like me to do that would also be fabulous, thanks.

At the moment the lack of money has resulted in me vowing not to buy any more food until I have eaten what is in the store cupboards. As there are a lot of dried good in there this is not a terrible plan, though I think I will need to break and get some fresh fruit, vegetables and more condiments soon. I am situationally vegetarian right now, and also sticking to not eating what - I don't have anything with wheat in the cupboard so that bit is easy.

Used some luncheon vouchers I was given to get some dried fruit, crackers and oat milk from Holland and Barret. £4 worth of vouchers that needed to be used soon because of the expiry date. The people in the shop had to contact head office to see if they were allowed to take them as they had never seen them before. Does anyone still get given them these days? This doesn't count as spending money since if I didn't use them they would be wasted, and they were given to me anyway.

I am trying to do videos when I can, to keep morale (my own) up.

So here is the return of Angel (what do you mean, it's me in a wig?) and an ill-thought-out rant about Women, comics and women comics.

I probably need to do more to get my viewing figures up, but as I say, I am in autumnation. Motivation and a reason to leave the house would be good.

I am using an external keyboard for my laptop, which makes typing very hard as I don't have a desk. The man in the shop I went to after the keyboard got broken in Edinburgh said it would cost at least £60 to fix so I will have to continue with the awkwardness. I am sitting on the sofa with the laptop on my lap, leaning over at an odd angle to type on the keyboard on the sofa cushion beside me, right now. There is probably an easier way.

It is possible the lack of motivation is caused by the twin problems of lack of proper nutrition and patchy sleep patterns - though it could be the other way round.

I still have some of the money from Edinburgh but my mother keeps insisting I nbeed to sign on for benefits soon. I would really rather not if I can help it.

I haven't heard back about my novel either so I am assuming I will have to write that off and possibly work on it some more. Also need to work out who to send it to next, if anyone.

Oh, and does anyone have any experience with The Actors Centre? Is it worth saving up to join? When I have the spare money, obviously. (When, not if - stay positive!)

I am going stir crazy here

elethe — Sun, 04 Sep 2011 19:04:36 GMT

I have been back from Edinburgh from a week, and now I am bored.

I want to meet people and do things and instead I am sat in a dreary room in Finchley doing nothing and seeing nobody.

So I need to get out and do stuff, collaborative projects especially - and I need to meet people.

A few years ago Marysia Kay arranged a Saturday thing whereby all the people she knew met and had coffee on a Saturday. It ended up being very wonderful, with all sorts of people from all sorts of backgrounds attending.

As things tend to do, it ended People moved away from London, had other things to do on the weekend.

Before that I used to meet people as part of the Zokutou writers' collective. That ended in the same way as the coffee get-togethers

And before that I met loads of people through a mutual love of the TV series Smallville. We met a lot and it was great.

This partly ended for the same reasons as the other two but also because we all got a bit bored of Smallville.

I miss those days.

I need to go out and socialise again, and also do more acting, gigging, or something.

Why have I lost touch with absolutely everybody, though?

I need socialisation and interesting work and I need it asap.

Slacker

elethe — Sat, 30 Jul 2011 16:10:18 GMT

Well everyone and their donkey seems to be going on about Livejournal being offline all last week, but apart from it failing to crosspost the one entry I made here over to Facebook I haven't had any problems with it at all - so I have really no excuse for not posting more.

Just as I have no excuse for procrastinating with my writing.

I once wrote a play in an afternoon, just as an experiment, and although it probably wasn't a spectacular play it was this close to being produced (close isn't good enough unfortunately!)

Yet when I have a project that actually has a chance of getting somewhere (do they ever, though?) I put it off and put it off.

Paralysed by doubt and panic.

Off to Edinburgh on Tuesday so I have that to worry about as well.

It was only yesterday that I realised I have already done an hour long two-people show - in 2008. That the one review that we got was not so much scathing as dismissive is irrelevant - I still did it and it wasn't so hard, and even when we only had one person in the audience (which happened a few times) the show went on. We did it just for the barman the one time - then we got a single audience member near the end who loved it so much he left more in the bucket than we had ever had before. So it's all a matter of personal taste, really.

We flyered hard for it, but it was too far away for it to have done that much good.

It's strange because it was not really far in any realistic sense - it was easily walkable from most of the rest of Edinburgh - but when there is so much going on on the other side of the bridge in the Old Town and near the Assembly Rooms in the New Town there is no need for anybody to stray any further out of their way. It's a complex and tricky place, Edinburgh during the Fringe.

Anyway, hopefully this year's will go okay. Have the advantage of a venue that isn't postage stamp size, in the basement of a rough pub far and away from most of the passing trade this time.

Well, still in a basement - but the rest of it shouldn't be a problem. It's a good venue with a decent sized room if I remember it correctly.

I have any number of issues about anything and everything at the moment. I feel lazy and indolent and unmotivated. I am hoping a month in another place will get me back to being enthusiastic and less maudlin.

Issues begone.

If nothing matters (and it doesn't really) then everything matters.