tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-50760414154698003772024-03-13T10:16:46.607-05:00LiteralDanMusings of a work-at-home dad & freelance writer.LiteralDanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16704368269389527451noreply@blogger.comBlogger538125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5076041415469800377.post-2400513517009495442013-12-24T22:59:00.000-06:002013-12-31T02:21:34.752-06:00Things that amuse me, Vol. 18So where was I? Oh yeah...<br />
<br />
Four kids is a lot. Did you know that? Anyway, here are a few of the things that have been <a href="http://literaldan.blogspot.com/search/label/Amusing%20things">amusing me</a> during the past several months:<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">1.</span> Before I had kids, I can very confidently say that no one had ever happily stepped on my taint to get a boost up.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">2.</span> How many episodes of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mad_men" target="_blank">Mad Men</a> does it take before a woman stops saying things like, "What?! He's married!" The world may never know.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">3.</span> My 9-year-old son D- recently found out that <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dyslexia" target="_blank">dyslexia</a> is a real condition, not just some kind of unhelpful super power of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Percy_jackson" target="_blank">Percy Jackson</a>. Since he got four books and one movie into the series before realizing this, he still might not be able to resist following slow readers around school, watching for magical fight scenes to break out after the tears and misplaced anger blow over.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">4.</span> I'm becoming convinced that it may be the primary purpose of dry cat food to serve as bait to draw mice into The Kill Zone. Either way, the cats get fed, though, right?<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">5.</span> My 3-year-old son E- opened a fortune cookie to find the observation, "You are never bitter, deceptive, or petty." And that's how we discovered the unwritten label, "Fortune Cookies not intended for users 3 or older."LiteralDanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16704368269389527451noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5076041415469800377.post-52412486836984812442013-09-16T23:59:00.000-05:002013-09-17T02:16:49.726-05:00Classic quotes, Vol. 47Here's a a slice of the backlog of <a href="http://literaldan.blogspot.com/search/label/Quotes">quotes</a> from my 6-year-old daughter M-, 2-year-old son E-, and wife J- during the past month or so:<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">M- </span><span style="font-size: 85%; font-style: italic;">(shouting louder than E-, who was quietly playing a game while J- and I were in bed)</span><span style="font-weight: bold;">:</span> No, that's too loud!!<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">J- </span><span style="font-size: 85%; font-style: italic;">(while pregnant, doubling down on a self-deprecating remark I'd batted away)</span><span style="font-weight: bold;">:</span> It's <i>kind of</i> like I'm fat... I'm fat with baby.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">E- </span><span style="font-size: 85%; font-style: italic;">(really working hard to sell a biological impossibility)</span><span style="font-weight: bold;">:</span> My 'gina hurts!<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-weight: bold;">M- </span><span style="font-size: 85%; font-style: italic;">(using Important Proclamation voice)</span><span style="font-weight: bold;">:</span> I don't think I told you, Mom... but I named my pillows. ...Cushy, and Cushion.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">J- </span><span style="font-size: 85%; font-style: italic;">(looking at a beach picture online)</span><span style="font-weight: bold;">:</span>
You know, I know European people are all proud of their bodies and
everything, but... some people need a little more shame in their lives.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">E- </span><span style="font-size: 85%; font-style: italic;">(when asked 'what he'll want to eat for lunch later')</span><span style="font-weight: bold;">:</span> No!
<br />
<br />LiteralDanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16704368269389527451noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5076041415469800377.post-68886216316169445912013-08-31T02:50:00.000-05:002013-08-31T03:00:27.371-05:00Pony Express Posts: Belated AnnouncementWell, I suppose there's no point continuing to wait for a substantial, creative manner of announcement to float down from the heavens on a golden harp-shaped hovercraft, now that it's been a couple months.<br />
<br />
My procrastination has been holding up a backlog of what's been passing for content here the past couple years (since we bought the house), as a lot of what I've thought of saying the past 6 months or so was in some way tied to this news... news which I had been trying not to just throw out there unceremoniously, much in the way I'm about to do right now:<br />
<br />
<center>
We had yet another baby last month.</center>
<center>
</center>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-I9tfAs1mRaM/UiGa_IUklZI/AAAAAAAAAsc/kBKW1hhIomI/s1600/Latest+baby+-+Day+3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-I9tfAs1mRaM/UiGa_IUklZI/AAAAAAAAAsc/kBKW1hhIomI/s320/Latest+baby+-+Day+3.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />
See? That's her right up there, as proof. The second coming of M-, hereby to be known as A-. So we've completed our set of two boys and two girls.*<br />
<br />
Yes, that's right, according to most people's reactions, as well as a quick flip through a generation's worth of census data, we are now the modern equivalent of that 8-kid family** people used to marvel at during the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Post%E2%80%93World_War_II_baby_boom" target="_blank">Baby Boom</a> and Generation X's heyday.<br />
<br />
Do we feel more complete now, you wonder? Have we started getting a human amount of sleep yet? Have we worked out some kind of daily routine now that school has started for J- and the kids? Have we any hope of shaking off the influence of our hypnotizing alien captors soon? Take a glance at the posting history here and then pencil in your guesses before I stop by with the answer key as soon as I can.<br />
<br />
In the meantime, with this official notice out here, I should be able to at least get back to posting more lists of tidbits and such a few times a month, with more promises of actual paragraphs and thoughts and time and craft someday, once again.<br />
<br />
It's the thought that counts, right?<br />
<br />
<br />
<hr />
<i><span style="font-size: 85%;">* This means I'll have to update the banner again, so soon*** after the last time.</span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: 85%;"><br /></span></i><i><span style="font-size: 85%;">** All I can say is those people are lucky they were able to delude themselves into thinking that small children wedged tightly enough across the bench seat of a station wagon would provide their own restraint in case of a high-speed accident. Otherwise, the country would either be a fraction of its present size today, or it would have been swarmed throughout the '60s with extended vans, RVs, and "Parental Sanity trailers" featuring a half-dozen kids suspended along the walls with heavy-duty straps.</span></i><br />
<br />
<i><span style="font-size: 85%;">*** Obviously a relative term, given that some of the pictures were several years out of date when I replaced them a couple months ago...</span></i>LiteralDanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16704368269389527451noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5076041415469800377.post-80613310324209314462013-07-15T23:59:00.000-05:002013-07-25T04:23:08.243-05:00Classic quotes, Vol. 46It's been too long since my 9-year-old son D-, formerly the star of this blog (back when I actually wrote posts with beginnings, middles, and ends), had the spotlight around here. Thanks in part to my extreme lack of posts in the past several months, I'm able to devote a whole <a href="http://literaldan.blogspot.com/search/label/Quotes">quote list</a> to this kid*:<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">D- </span><span style="font-size: 85%; font-style: italic;">(losing patience about an hour into the new Superman movie)</span><span style="font-weight: bold;">:</span> When's he going to start flying and punching buildings down and stuff?<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">D- </span><span style="font-size: 85%; font-style: italic;">(when my neighbor pointed out that he'd forgotten to bring his checkbook to an auction)</span><span style="font-weight: bold;">:</span> No, it's okay-- my dad brought his.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">D- </span><span style="font-size: 85%; font-style: italic;">(after some over-the-top violence in a Bugs Bunny cartoon)</span><span style="font-weight: bold;">:</span> That's outrageous!!<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">D- </span><span style="font-size: 85%; font-style: italic;">(seeing a display of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jelly_belly" target="_blank">Jelly Belly</a> dispensers at a store, with cash burning a hole in his pocket)</span><span style="font-weight: bold;">:</span> They've got candy, I've got money-- let's get in business!<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">D- </span><span style="font-size: 85%; font-style: italic;">(muttering to himself after cutting his foot)</span><span style="font-weight: bold;">:</span> Sweet <i>mother</i> of Holy Moses...<br />
<br />
<br />
<hr />
<span style="font-size: 85%;"><i>* Who now seems to be firmly a pre-teen, and thus Not a Kid. Hard to believe he was a toddler when this thing started! </i></span>LiteralDanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16704368269389527451noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5076041415469800377.post-14709538659275382422013-06-30T22:56:00.000-05:002013-07-01T02:57:52.102-05:00A conversation with D-: Nine is 18 in kid yearsThe following is a surprising conversation I had with my 9-year-old son D- recently, in which he reminds me that even as he pushes daily toward becoming that legendary beast, a Pre-Teen, he's still in fact in single digits. Thus he's prone to relapses of Toddler Brain, even as his attitude tells him he should be moving on to Teenager Brain already.<br />
<br />
<b>D- </b><span style="font-size: 85%;"><i>(coming up to the dinner table, where a portable griddle had been left sitting out)</i></span><b>:</b> Hey, this thing's in my spot!<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Just sit over here like usual.<br />
<br />
<b>D-:</b> What?? I <i>always</i> sit here!<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> "Always"?! You only started sitting there just recently.<br />
<br />
<b>D-:</b> No! I <i>always</i> sit here. Since, like... two days ago!<br />
<br />
<br />
<hr />
<span style="font-style: italic;">You may enjoy my previous <a href="http://literaldan.blogspot.com/search/label/D-%20conversation">D- conversations</a>, (6YO daughter) <a href="http://literaldan.blogspot.com/search/label/M-%20conversation">M- conversations</a>, (2YO son) <a href="http://literaldan.blogspot.com/search/label/E-%20conversation">E- conversations</a>, and (wife) <a href="http://literaldan.blogspot.com/search/label/J-%20conversation">J- conversations</a>.</span>
LiteralDanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16704368269389527451noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5076041415469800377.post-36463296235402219752013-06-25T23:59:00.000-05:002013-06-27T01:49:59.569-05:00A conversation with E-: It winnertime, and the lyin' is easyBeing that my son E- is now firmly 2-and-a-half, the following is the nice version of most every conversation we have with him these days.<br />
<br />
<b>J-:</b> Okay E-, it's bedtime.<br />
<br />
<b>E- </b><span style="font-size: 85%;"><i>(jumbling up something he's heard us tell ourselves as we serve dinner at bedtime these days)</i></span><b>:</b> Nooo... it's winner-time!<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> Did you mean "summertime"?<br />
<br />
<b>E-:</b> 'Es.<br />
<br />
<b>J- </b><span style="font-size: 85%;"><i>(unmoved by this ingenious ploy)</i></span><b>:</b> Well, it's night-night time either way.<br />
<br />
<b>E-:</b> No it not... <span style="font-size: 85%;"><i>(looking out the window, for effect)</i></span> ...It mornin' time!<br />
<br />
He went to bed shortly afterward, under formal protest.
<br />
<br />
<br />
<hr />
<span style="font-style: italic;">You may enjoy my previous <a href="http://literaldan.blogspot.com/search/label/E-%20conversation">E- conversations</a>, (9YO son) <a href="http://literaldan.blogspot.com/search/label/D-%20conversation">D- conversations</a>, (6YO daughter) <a href="http://literaldan.blogspot.com/search/label/M-%20conversation">M- conversations</a>, and (wife) <a href="http://literaldan.blogspot.com/search/label/J-%20conversation">J- conversations</a>.</span>LiteralDanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16704368269389527451noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5076041415469800377.post-50649534706794405922013-05-30T23:59:00.000-05:002013-06-26T04:51:15.876-05:00Classic quotes, Vol. 45Sorry for the long delay in posting; I'm spinning off my axis out here lately! I do have a bunch of pieces of things to post (along with the usual pile of unwritten Actual Posts, my shame of the last few years...), so I'm backdating this post to May 30th from June 25th, because who knows, I might catch myself up a bit soon.*<br />
<br />
Anyway, here's just a very small selection of the <a href="http://literaldan.blogspot.com/search/label/Quotes">quotable</a> material my 2-year-old son E- provides us on a daily basis:<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">E- </span><span style="font-size: 85%; font-style: italic;">(very seriously, and with a straight face, after falling down and being offered kisses from his big brother D-)</span><span style="font-weight: bold;">:</span> Can 'oo kiss... my butt?<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">E- </span><span style="font-size: 85%; font-style: italic;">(confused, threatened, and nearly stumped by his 6YO sister M- calmly responding, "No, </span><span style="font-size: 85%;">you're</span><span style="font-size: 85%; font-style: italic;"> done," to him reflexively parroting something he's heard us say to satisfying effect)</span><span style="font-weight: bold;">:</span> ...I'm NOT done.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">E- </span><span style="font-size: 85%; font-style: italic;">(very frequently, always about 10 times in a row, even when nothing noteworthy has occurred)</span><span style="font-weight: bold;">:</span> What just haaaaap-pened?<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">E- </span><span style="font-size: 85%; font-style: italic;">(walking downstairs with D-, sounding as contemplative as someone with only two years of memories can)</span><span style="font-weight: bold;">:</span> D-, one time...? I pell down da 'tairs. I <i>tumbled</i> down da 'tairs!<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">E- </span><span style="font-size: 85%; font-style: italic;">(all while I chewed and swallowed one small bite)</span><span style="font-weight: bold;">:</span> Tan I have a bar? Tan I have a bar? ...Tan I have a bar?? Tan I have a bar?<br />
<br />
<br />
<hr />
<span style="font-size: 85%;"><i>* Don't count on it.</i></span><br />
<br />LiteralDanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16704368269389527451noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5076041415469800377.post-16883768749268211542013-04-25T00:59:00.000-05:002013-07-01T02:39:08.167-05:00A conversation between E- and J-: Pleading the Fifth at TwoThe following is a conversation initiated out of the blue by my 2-year-old son E- (who's lately been known to loudly demand to know "why you put me in trouble?!?" and to order us to "[not] talk to me again, ever!") with my wife J- one day after she got home from work:<br />
<br />
<b>E- </b><span style="font-size: 85%;"><i>(very seriously, as if honor-bound to tattle on me for an internationally recognized crime)</i></span><b>:</b> Daddy yell, at me.<br />
<br />
<b>J-:</b> Daddy yelled at you? Were you being naughty?<br />
<br />
<b>E- </b><span style="font-size: 85%;"><i>(mildly offended)</i></span><b>:</b> I NOT, be... naughty.<br />
<br />
<b>J-:</b> You weren't naughty? Then why was Daddy yelling at you?<br />
<br />
<b>E-:</b> ...<br />
<br />
<b>E-:</b> ...<br />
<br />
<b>E- </b><span style="font-size: 85%;"><i>(happily, aborting the plan and going for a distraction)</i></span><b>:</b> I can jump, jump, jump around! I jump around your bed!<br />
<br />
<b>J-:</b> Were you being naughty? Was that why Daddy was yelling at you?<br />
<br />
<b>E-:</b> ... <span style="font-size: 85%;"><i>(runs from the room)</i></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<hr />
<span style="font-style: italic;">You may enjoy my previous <a href="http://literaldan.blogspot.com/search/label/J-%20conversation">J- conversations</a>, (2YO son) <a href="http://literaldan.blogspot.com/search/label/E-%20conversation">E- conversations</a>, (9YO son) <a href="http://literaldan.blogspot.com/search/label/D-%20conversation">D- conversations</a>, and (6YO daughter) <a href="http://literaldan.blogspot.com/search/label/M-%20conversation">M- conversations</a>.</span>LiteralDanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16704368269389527451noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5076041415469800377.post-37659065684032123102013-04-19T18:39:00.001-05:002013-04-19T18:39:47.215-05:00One-line movie reviewsI know how it sounds when I say it, but there's no other way: my kids watch almost no TV at all. (At least, not at our house.) However, rest assured, they do watch movies quite regularly. So by this stage they're all savvy enough to cut right through the verbose ramblings of old people like me, to create movie reviews for the Twitter generation.<br />
<br />
For example:<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0038650/" target="_blank">It's a Wonderful Life</a> (1946)<br />
[About halfway through this, one of my favorite movies]<br />
[9YO son] <b>D-</b> <b>:</b> This is definitely NOT a 'wonderful life'.<br />
[6YO daughter] <b>M-</b><b>:</b> Yeah, it's depressing!<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0220099/" target="_blank">The Tigger Movie</a> (2000)<br />
[2YO son] <b>E-</b> (disappointedly, throughout the movie)<b>:</b> ...Where Pooh-bear go??<br />
<br />
And I may as well include this post from the vaults, with another similarly pithy movie critique from D-, back when he was a mere 5-year-old: <a href="http://literaldan.blogspot.com/2009/06/i-think-ive-broken-my-kid.html" target="_blank">I think I've broken my kid</a> (June 2009)<br />
<br />
These less-than-effusive summaries are most notable just because as kids, their standards are so low that they seem to think any moving pictures put in front of them are "awesome".<br />
<br />
It's a bit nauseating sometimes, when they (or worse yet, "we") are subjected to some terrible bit of would-be entertainment for any length of time, and they sit there clearly making no distinction between, say, an animated car insurance commercial and the finest creations during this, the Golden Age of Children's Movies.<br />
<br />
Some day, I tell myself, they will appreciate what Pixar has wrought for them. Comments like these are the only real hints that I might live to see that day in person. LiteralDanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16704368269389527451noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5076041415469800377.post-90753603470594663912013-04-16T10:27:00.000-05:002013-04-16T10:27:31.789-05:00Things that amuse me, Vol. 17Here are a few of the things that have been <a href="http://literaldan.blogspot.com/search/label/Amusing%20things">amusing me</a> recently:<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">1.</span> Almost every time* I log in to eBay lately (or when they send me a "tantalizing" daily e-mail trying to draw me back to their site), they suggest that I might be intensely interested in purchasing a scale model of Vin Diesel's head. No matter what I shop for. Do I have to break down and buy one just to make it go away? Is that their twisted strategy to move odd products after being listed for too long?<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">2.</span> Only when your 6-year-old girl stays home from school do you get to find out exactly how lovely your 2-year-old son's head looks filled with many sparkly hair clips.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Yv5DDssofjg/UW1pUi1__sI/AAAAAAAAAro/cCosrBiZmDA/s800/E-+hairclips.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Even his favorite dog demanded to get in on the action" border="0" height="240" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Yv5DDssofjg/UW1pUi1__sI/AAAAAAAAAro/cCosrBiZmDA/s320/E-+hairclips.jpg" title="Even his favorite dog demanded to get in on the action" width="165" /></a></div>
<br />
(Despite the look on his face in this picture, he couldn't be happier about the attention, or the accessorizing.)<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">3.</span> I am astounded by the logic of a PR rep (for something I still haven't paid attention to, on principle**) who decided that I, like everyone else who received her e-mail, likely did not pay the proper amount of attention to it, so she forwarded it to everyone all over again within the span of a week.<br />
<br />
Now, of course, such an annoying action is far from uncommon, and it results in many, many e-mails coming in to bloggers' inboxes every day, but where this lady goes beyond the call of duty is by including this explicit and cringe-inducing opening sentence in her followup: "<i>I know you must get a million emails like this daily, so I wanted to resend and ensure you received the info below.</i>"<br />
<br />
...Make that a million and one.<br />
<br />
<br />
<hr />
<span style="font-size: 85%;"><i>* The rest of the time, it suggests an equally creepy "Jason Statham" head.</i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 85%;"><i>** See that? You got your wish, lady-- I'm writing about your e-mail! </i></span>LiteralDanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16704368269389527451noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5076041415469800377.post-2337038348417629122013-03-31T23:59:00.000-05:002013-04-19T18:50:13.200-05:00A conversation between E- and J-: Heaven in a handbasketNow that my 2-year-old son E- is astronomically more verbal than he was just a few months ago, he can actually hold up his end of many straightforward (generally needs/wants-oriented) conversations. Of course, that doesn't mean he always chooses to do so.<br />
<br />
Occasionally, he strikingly decides to barrel on in true LiteralDan form, hoping to wear down his opponent by sheer force of will. Exhibit 437 (of Thousands):<br />
<br />
<b>E- </b><span style="font-size: 85%;"><i>(to my wife J-, reaching toward his inconveniently hard-to-reach Easter basket)</i></span><b>:</b> MY back-ket. My back-ket. MY BACK-KET!<br />
<br />
<b>J- </b>(<span style="font-size: 85%;"><i>(patiently, while making dinner)</i></span><b>:</b> Yeah, E-, that IS your basket. It's up high because you kept taking candy when you weren't supposed to.<br />
<br />
<b>E- </b><span style="font-size: 85%;"><i>(as if she hadn't said anything at all of import)</i></span><b>:</b> ...My back-ket! My can-nee.<br />
<br />
<b>J-:</b> Yes, it is your candy, but that doesn't mean you can eat it whenever you want...<br />
<br />
<b>E- </b><span style="font-size: 85%;"><i>(before she even finished her sentence, as if his point was too urgent to wait)</i></span><b>:</b> Jehwy, beeeeeeans!!<br />
<br />
<b>J-: </b>...<br />
<br />
<b>E- </b>(<span style="font-size: 85%;"><i>almost exasperated, trying to communicate with a simple foreigner)</i></span><b>:</b> EAT! Can-nee! Jehwy beans!<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 85%;">Suffice it to say, he continued to be frustrated by everyone's inability to understand that, unlike most children, he quite enjoys eating candy, and would strongly prefer to consume it in place of, as well as alongside, any other foods he's offered. No one said it wasn't lonely being the outlier.</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<hr />
<span style="font-style: italic;">You may enjoy my previous <a href="http://literaldan.blogspot.com/search/label/J-%20conversation">J- conversations</a>, (2YO son) <a href="http://literaldan.blogspot.com/search/label/E-%20conversation">E- conversations</a>, (9YO son) <a href="http://literaldan.blogspot.com/search/label/D-%20conversation">D- conversations</a>, and (6YO daughter) <a href="http://literaldan.blogspot.com/search/label/M-%20conversation">M- conversations</a>.</span>LiteralDanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16704368269389527451noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5076041415469800377.post-233290198805720472013-03-27T23:59:00.000-05:002013-03-28T02:39:05.632-05:00Things that amuse me, Vol. 16Here are a few of the things that have been <a href="http://literaldan.blogspot.com/search/label/Amusing%20things">amusing me</a> recently:<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">1.</span> It may cement my status as a Nerd* that it bothers me a little when I see an object called a "cube" (meant to turn a cubby into a drawer) that measures 10.5"x10.5"x11".<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">2.</span> Funny pictures of things on the Internet.**<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">3.</span> Great news on the "Evolution of a Plastic-Consuming-Organism" front... our cat seems to have
really
developed a taste for Legos.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">4.</span> It might take nine or so years as a parent to realize this, but children are secretly Very Small People, with wants, needs, flaws, and habits much like the rest of us. Also, they often get less small over time.<br />
<br />
<br />
<hr />
<span style="font-size: 85%;"><i>* Or is it just everything else about me that accomplished that already?</i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 85%;"><i>** This one's not so much "recently" as "continuously". Sure beats whatever I'm supposed to be doing at any given moment.</i></span>LiteralDanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16704368269389527451noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5076041415469800377.post-71160475060810765482013-03-07T23:59:00.000-06:002013-03-08T00:24:34.141-06:00Classic quotes, Vol. 44Here's a selection of recent <a href="http://literaldan.blogspot.com/search/label/Quotes">quotes</a> from my 8-year-old son D-, my 6-year-old daughter M-, and my 2-year-old son E-*:<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">E- </span><span style="font-size: 85%; font-style: italic;">(pointing to his stomach, when asked where someone else's food had disappeared to)</span><span style="font-weight: bold;">:</span> In!<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">D- </span><span style="font-size: 85%; font-style: italic;">(apropos of nothing, laughing as we walked out of the bank)</span><span style="font-weight: bold;">:</span> Remember "Uranus"??<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">M- </span><span style="font-size: 85%; font-style: italic;">(when asked why she was wearing two very different scarves at once, as if it's self-explanatory)</span><span style="font-weight: bold;">:</span> Because I have two scarves I can wear...<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">D- </span><span style="font-size: 85%; font-style: italic;">(after I pointed out several hairs on the jelly toast he'd made me while I was sick)</span><span style="font-weight: bold;">:</span> Oh, I forgot to tell you..... it fell on the floor.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">E- </span><span style="font-size: 85%; font-style: italic;">(when told he had to wait for more crackers till we saw how his tummy felt)</span><span style="font-weight: bold;">:</span> Don't, WIKE, tum-mee!!<br />
<br />
<br />
<hr />
<span style="font-size: 85%;"><i>* Still yet to claim his place on the blog banner! I am terrible.</i></span><br />
<br />LiteralDanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16704368269389527451noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5076041415469800377.post-57749193838605467162013-02-26T23:59:00.000-06:002013-02-27T02:35:41.975-06:00Things that amuse me, Vol. 15Here are a few of the things that have been <a href="http://literaldan.blogspot.com/search/label/Amusing%20things">amusing me</a> recently:<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">1.</span> A handy microcosm of my 8-year-old son D-'s personal hygiene and neatness (as well as our relationship in more and more moments of more and more days), can be found in his answering shrug and total lack of action in response to my helpful observation at least a <i>half hour</i> after he'd eaten lunch one day: "Hey buddy, you've got dried chili spatters ALLLL over your face..."<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">2.</span> Cats are a living reminder that nature truly abhors a vacuum.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">3.</span> I saw a news headline recently called "Pictures of celebs who hide their kids in photos"... I think as you write that headline, you should realize you've got a sign you should just delete the article and the pictures with them. Also, possibly change your line of work.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">4.</span> I'm guessing the reason that only one out of the dozens of annual e-mails I get from my alumni association was filtered into my spam folder is that it <strong>1)</strong> asked very clearly for money for a very specific effort, <strong>2)</strong> included a special link to a page for that campaign, and <strong>3)</strong> gave me a "personal web code" to enter that included "FAKY" as one of its alphanumeric clusters...*<br />
<br />
<br />
<hr />
<span style="font-size: 85%;"><i>* Also, I am a proud alumnus of the </i></span><span style="font-size: 85%;">University of Nigeria - Fakeymundia</span><span style="font-size: 85%;"><i> campus. That seems to trip people up sometimes.</i></span>
LiteralDanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16704368269389527451noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5076041415469800377.post-22753876421851039422013-01-28T23:59:00.000-06:002013-01-29T04:36:37.866-06:00Things my 2-year-old son has recently lickedAfter a bit of a lull in such explorations, my 2-year-old son E- has lately rededicated himself to the cause of more fully probing this world of ours through every sensory-input-gathering device available to him.<br />
<br />
This noble effort often results in him putting many things in or on his mouth-parts that lesser men would likely fail to even consider attempting.<br />
<br />
Here's a selection of some of the most noteworthy just from the past week or so:<br />
<br />
<strong>1.</strong> The floor, many times<br />
<br />
<strong>2.</strong> The underside of the counter where the kids eat most often*<br />
<br />
<strong>3.</strong> The bottom of his shoe<br />
<br />
<strong>4.</strong> The bottom of a few other people's shoes<br />
<br />
<strong>5.</strong> The strap of his car seat**<br />
<br />
<strong>6.</strong> The rim of a garbage can I'd just bought from a thrift shop***<br />
<br />
<strong>7.</strong> The bristles of our small hand broom that has seen a good ten years' use, in all conditions, in several states***<br />
<br />
<strong>8.</strong>
An old plastic fork he found in our garage
<br />
<br />
I shudder to think what else he'll think of tasting without us even realizing we needed to warn him not to.<br />
<br />
That's the advantage of being a world-changer instead of a nay-sayer, I guess. Good luck, little buddy! You are a worthy opponent.<br />
<br />
<br />
<hr />
<span style="font-size: 85%;"><i>* Thus making it the grossest part of the counter.</i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 85%;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: 85%;"><i>** This one, like the first one, kind of goes without saying, but it's worth including anyway just because a kid's car seat is among the more germ-infested places in the world, including the toilet (which gets washed much more frequently), especially for a family that takes as many car trips as we do...</i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 85%;"><i>*** These two were in the same day, only about an hour apart!</i></span>LiteralDanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16704368269389527451noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5076041415469800377.post-23416885383976730082013-01-17T23:59:00.000-06:002013-01-18T00:13:59.675-06:00Classic quotes, Vol. 43Here are a few more recent <a href="http://literaldan.blogspot.com/search/label/Quotes">quotes</a> from my 8-year-old son D-, my 5-year-old daughter M-, my 2-year-old son E-, and my wife J-:<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">E- </span><span style="font-size: 85%; font-style: italic;">(politely sticking only the tip of his finger in his nose)</span><span style="font-weight: bold;">:</span> In!<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">J- </span><span style="font-size: 85%; font-style: italic;">(after pausing mid-sentence for about a full minute while talking to me from another room)</span><span style="font-weight: bold;">:</span> Huh? Oh, I was eating ice cream and then I forgot I was talking...<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">M- </span><span style="font-size: 85%; font-style: italic;">(speaking of her newest baby doll, as a girl seemingly primed for monarchy)</span><span style="font-weight: bold;">:</span> And this, is GOD's sister! That makes her a "princess".<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">D- </span><span style="font-size: 85%; font-style: italic;">(apparently falling under the spell of a commercial for a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hardee%27s" target="_blank">Hardee's</a> Thickburger)</span><span style="font-weight: bold;">:</span> I can SEE it's a "thick burger", you don't need to tell us!<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">J- </span><span style="font-size: 85%; font-style: italic;">(while driving down the highway, marveling at the car's ability to go under the speed limit for a short while)</span><span style="font-weight: bold;">:</span> I'm going SLOWww. <span style="font-size: 85%; font-style: italic;">(a Cadillac immediately rolls by on the left)</span> See! Even old people in HATS are passing me!<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">E- </span><span style="font-size: 85%; font-style: italic;">(pulling himself forward in his car seat, after I'd pointed out a truck sculpture we were about to pass on the highway, meaning he had no way of seeing anything noteworthy yet)</span><span style="font-weight: bold;">:</span> Whoaaaa, truck!! ...Wow..... windowww!!<br />
<br />
<br />LiteralDanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16704368269389527451noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5076041415469800377.post-87635108775485524592012-12-31T23:59:00.000-06:002013-01-02T00:39:26.149-06:002012: The Year We Make... Stuff UpWell, as you may or may not have already observed, we're all still here, living and breathing. Even waiting a couple weeks to factor in some rounding errors that might have skewed things a bit, the world seems much the same as it was not that long ago, and it seems safe to say that the world stands as much chance of ending as it ever does, just like we found out after hitting the year 2000 without planes falling from the sky.*<br />
<br />
Are we all that hard up for some real, guilt-free drama and plain-dealing in our lives?<br />
<br />
Yes, yes we are.<br />
<br />
Sometimes it feels like we've peaked, at least here in the "First World", and the only productive way to go is sideways, to something more elemental, and beautiful... a place and time where all these idle things we've created don't really matter, all the filters we've built between ourselves as humans dissipate. A place where the person shuffling imaginary sums of money from one place to another finds the bulk of her life's experience suddenly useless, and the man with the hand-dug fallout shelter, fully stocked armory**, and decades-long supply of canned food is king.<br />
<br />
But then the movie ends, we walk out with our heads down, and we forget all about that nonsense while scrolling through <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tumblr" target="_blank">Tumblr</a> pages for updates on our favorite <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meme" target="_blank">memes</a>, or while monitoring comments on our pictures of food we were about to eat at some point.<br />
<br />
But hey, sometimes it just takes a minute to shake out the cobwebs and remember what's really important, right? Here and now, or there and then, and family, and not... stuff... or whatever somebody else reposted on Facebook once that sounded really deep 'n' shit.<br />
<br />
Here's to another new year of more of the same! But moreso!<br />
<br />
<br />
<hr />
<i><span style="font-size: 85%;">* Good thing, too, because I was on one that day, off to meet my future wife for the first time. We'll never beat those plane fares!</span></i><br />
<span style="font-size: 85%;"><br /></span>
<i><span style="font-size: 85%;">** To finally get a chance to protect his toothless, malnourished children with the finest <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Materiel" target="_blank">matériel</a> tens of thousands of dollars can buy!</span></i>LiteralDanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16704368269389527451noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5076041415469800377.post-65335390408383099732012-12-28T00:00:00.000-06:002012-12-28T02:31:05.430-06:00Things that amuse me, Vol. 14Here are a few of the things that have been <a href="http://literaldan.blogspot.com/search/label/Amusing%20things">amusing me</a> recently:<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">1.</span> The Angry Birds folks obviously have very effectively marketed themselves to potential advertisers, based on ads that have popped up when I've played recently, such as "<b>Time Management Problems?</b>" or "<b>Having Trouble Getting Organized?</b>".<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">2.</span> Santa is not yet my 2-year-old son E-'s favorite Kringle, since he was exposed to the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kringle#United_States" target="_blank">delicious pastry of the same name</a>, and immediately decided to add it to the elite team of words that is his currently limited vocabulary. "King-goh!"<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">3.</span> It's recently come to my attention that the Fates have decided to challenge me --a man who has been known to create the world's most perfect food by slapping two slices of pizza together like PBJ, and who considers mashed potatoes a viable condiment-- with a sandwich-impaired son. Faster than I can contain messy nutrients in handy shells of bread products, my E- pulls it all apart and consumes most of it separately. Why this? Why now? Why me??<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">4.</span> When you're stretched out on the couch with a laptop, plugging away at the same old mindless tasks while working from home, and you start floating up toward the ceiling, it's likely that you seamlessly nodded off at some point without noticing the difference. Also, you were probably mock-typing in the air like a puppy chasing invisible rabbits for longer than you think. It's not disappointing in the same way as a cheap twist ending in a stale TV show, but it's arguably much worse in a more meaningful way.<br />
<br />LiteralDanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16704368269389527451noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5076041415469800377.post-46208752224789718392012-12-12T00:27:00.000-06:002012-12-18T02:41:31.981-06:00Classic quotes, Vol. 42Here are a few more recent <a href="http://literaldan.blogspot.com/search/label/Quotes">quotes</a> from my 8-year-old son D- and my 5-year-old daughter M-:<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">M- </span><span style="font-size: 85%; font-style: italic;">(after </span>
<span style="font-size: 85%; font-style: italic;">M- mentioned kitten scratches</span> and <span style="font-size: 85%; font-style: italic;">J- & I both sang "cat scraaatch feverrr" accompanied by mouth guitars)</span><span style="font-weight: bold;">:</span> Is that from a commercial for a hospital??<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">D- </span><span style="font-size: 85%; font-style: italic;">(incredibly intense, as M- began to urgently tell me about something unimportant while I was "sleeping" on the couch)</span><span style="font-weight: bold;">:</span> M-, are you INSANE?!?<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">M- </span><span style="font-size: 85%; font-style: italic;">(holding up a paper saying "POO" in large letters)</span><span style="font-weight: bold;">:</span> Look, I spelled "pool"!<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">M- </span><span style="font-size: 85%; font-style: italic;">(speaking sternly to her 2-year-old brother E-, who is obsessed with her stuff)</span><span style="font-weight: bold;">:</span> As I already ESTABLISHED, this pink ball is MINE!<br />
<br />
And a classic from this summer, when we were desperately trying to bathe 8 kittens to rid them of a flea infestation:<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">M- </span><span style="font-size: 85%; font-style: italic;">(eyes wide, enjoying the carnage)</span><span style="font-weight: bold;">:</span> It's like a KITTEN nursery in here! Except a kitten nursery run by DRUNK people, who have no idea what they're doing!<br />
<br />LiteralDanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16704368269389527451noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5076041415469800377.post-40387160775841780432012-11-28T23:59:00.000-06:002012-11-29T00:57:54.592-06:00A conversation between M- and D-: It's "Anything Doody" time!Short and to the point, this is how my 8-year-old son D- and 5-year-old daughter M- spend much of their free time:<br />
<br />
<b>M- </b><i><span style="font-size: 85%;">(her part of some random chit-chat I'd tuned out)</span></i><b>:</b> ...duty.<br />
<br />
<b>D- </b><i><span style="font-size: 85%;">(starts to laugh)</span></i><b>:</b> Wait, do you mean the FUNNY "doody", or the normal, serious "duty"?<br />
<br />
<b>M- </b><i><span style="font-size: 85%;">(almost disappointed in herself)</span></i><b>:</b> The serious one.<br />
<br />
<b>D- </b><i><span style="font-size: 85%;">(soberly)</span></i><b>:</b> Oh.
<br />
<br />
<hr />
<span style="font-style: italic;">You may enjoy my previous <a href="http://literaldan.blogspot.com/search/label/D-%20conversation">D- conversations</a>, <a href="http://literaldan.blogspot.com/search/label/M-%20conversation">M- conversations</a>, and (wife) <a href="http://literaldan.blogspot.com/search/label/J-%20conversation">J- conversations</a>, as well as my future (<2YO son) <a href="http://literaldan.blogspot.com/search/label/E-%20conversation">E- conversations</a>.</span>
LiteralDanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16704368269389527451noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5076041415469800377.post-74886927037965940542012-11-20T18:50:00.000-06:002012-11-29T00:58:38.645-06:00A conversation between M- and E-: Weggo my wegoThe following is a conversation that just took place in our playroom, where my 8-year-old son D- and 5-year-old daughter M- were each playing with Legos in their own way, after my buddingly verbal almost-2-year-old son E- happily waltzed in. I think it pretty well captures their relationship most of the time, these days.<br />
<br />
<b>E- </b><i>(idly content)</i><b>:</b> Wehhh-gooooooes...<br />
<br />
<b>M- </b><i>(sounding not unlike Ian McKellan's </i>Gandalf<i>)</i><b>:</b> E-, this is my tower, and you cannot touch it!<br />
<br />
<b>E- </b><i>(</i><i>decisively</i>
<i>oblivious)</i><b>:</b> TOUUUUCH!<br />
<br />
<b>M-:</b> No, DON'T touch it!<br />
<br />
<b>E-:</b> TOUUUUUUUUCH!!<br />
<br />
<b>M-:</b> Arghhhhhh!
<br />
<br />
<hr />
<span style="font-style: italic;">You may enjoy my previous <a href="http://literaldan.blogspot.com/search/label/D-%20conversation">D- conversations</a>, <a href="http://literaldan.blogspot.com/search/label/M-%20conversation">M- conversations</a>, and (wife) <a href="http://literaldan.blogspot.com/search/label/J-%20conversation">J- conversations</a>, as well as my future <a href="http://literaldan.blogspot.com/search/label/E-%20conversation">E- conversations</a>.</span><br />
<br />LiteralDanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16704368269389527451noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5076041415469800377.post-52135951963996269702012-10-30T23:59:00.000-05:002012-11-01T00:39:07.905-05:00Classic quotes, Vol. 41Here are a few more recent <a href="http://literaldan.blogspot.com/search/label/Quotes">quotes</a> from my 8-year-old son D-, my 5-year-old daughter M-, and my nearly-2-year-old son E-:<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">D- </span><span style="font-size: 85%; font-style: italic;">(having been shown an "I'm too busy to be organized!" mug I'd gotten for my wife J-)</span><span style="font-weight: bold;">:</span> Hey! Mom should put that on her desk! ...Because she's always so busy... that she can't be... organized.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">E- </span><span style="font-size: 85%; font-style: italic;">(coming into his family heritage, waking unwillingly as I laid him down to change him one morning)</span><span style="font-weight: bold;">:</span> Eyes! <span style="font-size: 85%; font-style: italic;">(rolling away, pawing at his face)</span> Wight!
<span style="font-size: 85%; font-style: italic;">(openly frustrated that I just don't seem to get it)</span> Bwight!!<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">D- </span><span font-style:="font-style:" italic="italic" style="font-size: 85%;">(seeing an </span>Adidas<span style="font-style: italic;"> footprint in the dirt)</span><span style="font-weight: bold;">:</span> Hey look! It says AIDS in the footprint!<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">M- </span><span style="font-size: 85%; font-style: italic;">(vehemently disputing D-'s account of her assault)</span><span style="font-weight: bold;">:</span> I didn't punch him in the EYE... I punched him in the FOREhead!!<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">D- </span><span style="font-size: 85%; font-style: italic;">(referring to a man speaking through a megaphone to a crowd of kids)</span><span style="font-weight: bold;">:</span> That's not a very loud... shouty-thingy.LiteralDanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16704368269389527451noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5076041415469800377.post-48993534879045358482012-10-27T23:59:00.000-05:002012-10-28T00:14:10.963-05:00A conversation with M- and D-: How many licks does it take?The following is a recent conversation I had with my 8-year-old son D- and 5-year-old daughter M-, the tone of which is predictably not all that rare around here:<br />
<br />
<b>D- </b><span style="font-size: 85%;"><i>(sharing an announcement with the world)</i></span> <b>:</b> She LICKed meeeeee!<br />
<br />
<b>M- </b><span style="font-size: 85%;"><i>(feebly beginning a defense)</i></span><b>:</b> No...<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> M-, did you lick him?<br />
<br />
<b>M- </b><span style="font-size: 85%;"><i>(thinking better of it)</i></span><b>:</b> Yes... Because he was being a jerk, and wouldn't stop!<br />
<br />
<b>Me:</b> It's not a good strategy to use your germs as a weapon. And it's never a good idea to ever LICK an 8-year-old...
<br />
<br />
<b>D- </b><span style="font-size: 85%;"><i>(almost proudly)</i></span><b>:</b> Yeah, especially THIS one!<br />
<br />
<br />
<hr />
<span style="font-style: italic;">You may enjoy my previous <a href="http://literaldan.blogspot.com/search/label/D-%20conversation">D- conversations</a>, <a href="http://literaldan.blogspot.com/search/label/M-%20conversation">M- conversations</a>, and (wife) <a href="http://literaldan.blogspot.com/search/label/J-%20conversation">J- conversations</a>.</span><br />
<br />LiteralDanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16704368269389527451noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5076041415469800377.post-16171337793895017732012-09-29T23:59:00.000-05:002012-10-01T23:26:21.138-05:00Amusing searches, Vol. 18Here are more of the <a href="http://literaldan.blogspot.com/search/label/Searches">most amusing searches</a> that have brought people here, in no particular order.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-style: italic;">(All search strings are reprinted exactly as they were entered, and the search text links to the post at which the visitor arrived.)</span><br />
<br />
• <b><a href="http://literaldan.blogspot.com/2010/10/things-my-wife-hates.html">things i enjoy my wife hates</a></b> (Akron, OH) - If you're looking for tips and advice, I unfortunately have nothing much to offer you, but I can say that wives have notoriously poor taste and questionable judgment.<br />
<br />
• <b><a href="http://literaldan.blogspot.com/2010/09/amusing-searches-vol-11.html">RI ESCORTS</a></b> (Warwick, RI) - This was clearly a smart search, because YOU KNOW I AM ALL ABOUT THE RHODE ISLAND EXCORTS, my friend!!*<br />
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• <a href="http://literaldan.blogspot.com/2007/01/10-reasons-my-3-year-old-son-may-be.html"><b>when to label a 5 year old girl as homosexual</b></a> (Quezon City, The Philippines) - How about, "Never"? Is <i>Never</i> an acceptable answer? You'll find out in good time, or not at all, depending on her comfort level...<br />
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• <b><a href="http://literaldan.blogspot.com/2008/09/tinkle-tinkle-little-star.html">PEE</a></b> (Norvenich, Germany) - Either PEE is a legitimate, dignified acronym in Germany, or I think maybe this was supposed to be some kind of horrible image/video search.<br />
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• <b><a href="http://literaldan.blogspot.com/2012/02/product-review-waxelene.html">waxelene for vagina</a></b> (Valencia, CA) - Sorry, can't help you at the moment, I haven't tried using it on my vagina yet.<br />
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<i>* <span style="font-size: 85%;">Given that you arrived here via an amusing Internet search yourself,
sir, it was probably a bit awkward in an "uh-oh, too late" kind of
way when you landed on a post in which I was mocking the previous
searches of others. Sorry you had to see that... and I'll be sorrier
if you ever happen upon this one in future searches. Just make sure it's a good one! No reason...</span></i>LiteralDanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16704368269389527451noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5076041415469800377.post-18814612042064849622012-09-25T23:53:00.002-05:002012-09-25T23:55:47.608-05:00Classic quotes, Vol. 40Here are a few of the recent <a href="http://literaldan.blogspot.com/search/label/Quotes">quotes</a> (that I remembered to write down) from my 8-year-old son D-, my 5-year-old daughter M-, and my 20-month-old son E- (still not yet on the banner!):<br />
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<span style="font-weight: bold;">M- </span><span style="font-size: 85%; font-style: italic;">(seemingly unburdened by Knowing It All, dropping some knowledge on her older brother)</span><span style="font-weight: bold;">:</span> Did you know, that cheese is just dried, hard milk? <span style="font-size: 85%; font-style: italic;">(waving around her wrapped, pre-sliced piece of cheese-like food substance)</span> Just like... floppy milk?<br />
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<span style="font-weight: bold;">D- </span><span style="font-size: 85%; font-style: italic;">(seeing a "No Grills Allowed" sign as we drove through a park entrance to the soccer fields)</span><span style="font-weight: bold;">:</span> Whoa! Wait, what?!? This park says, "NO GIRLS ALLOWED"!!<br />
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<span style="font-weight: bold;">M- </span><span style="font-size: 85%; font-style: italic;">(already pushing fashion limits, when I asked if she was there to give us all a Belly Show with the size-4T shirt she had on)</span><span style="font-weight: bold;">:</span> If it's only a <i>small</i> belly show, it's okay...<br />
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<span style="font-weight: bold;">E- </span><span style="font-size: 85%; font-style: italic;">(though barely verbal, being under 2, when asked if he wanted "a cookie")</span><span style="font-weight: bold;">:</span> Two!!<br />
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<span style="font-weight: bold;">M- </span><span style="font-size: 85%; font-style: italic;">(sprinkling some color in her daily gossip, trumping up her tattling charges on some kid I don't know)</span><span style="font-weight: bold;">:</span> And then she started saying... you know that BAD word, that starts with F??!?*<br />
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<span style="font-size: 85%;"><i>* After a bit of internal hubbub on our part, it turned out to be "fart", which is odd since it's not considered a "bad word" in our house, though I may have been known to discourage them from shouting it out at the dinner table.
</i></span>LiteralDanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16704368269389527451noreply@blogger.com2