There are various reasons why teenagers lie. They normally lie because they suffer from inferiority complex which makes them feel bad about themselves and the lies help them feel better. This allows them to fit in with people who are superior to them. They could also be lying as a source of defense. No matter what their reasons are, teenagers should be told that lying can have unpleasant consequences in the future.
Parents need to be more serious towards the lying habit of their teens in order to stop them. It is their responsibility to teach the teens how to be fair, honest and quit lying. They may even feel guilty or even regret their efforts if the child continues to keep on lying. Here are a few things to consider:
1. Realize that it is not new to be lied to. Avoid being shocked and realize that they are not doing this to hurt you. Being vigilant and neutral will help you recognize when your teen is lying.
2. becoming defensive when questioned is common for a person who is lying. Giving lame excuses or throwing fits when interrogated is sure sign that they are lying.
3. A person who is lying will not maintain eye contact while telling their story. There will be a noticeable difference in their posture and physical behavior if they are lying.
4. Teens who are lying may also avoid details, fidget, or touch their face and mouth. They also won’t be able to exactly retell their story if asked again.
Teenagers need to be told that their parents want to trust them and lying completely spoils it. Once this trust is gone, it will be very difficult to rebuild it or get it back. If you suspect your teen is lying to you, deal with them immediately. If you think that the teen is lying to you about the place where he/she is going, you can try to drop them off yourself.
Tell them that you want them to share everything with you and to be honest as well as the consequences or punishments for being caught in a lie.
Teach them by becoming their role model. Do not lie in front of them even if the thing is not important. Expecting your teen to be honest means you’ll need to be honest, too.
If you take appropriate steps, one can break this habit and get rid of lies. Hence lies would not be a part your teen’s life. Learning to recognize signs of their lying, addressing the situation right away, and explaining that you expect better of them will help to solve this problem in a better way.
]]>“Mummy… Jane takes my toys!” If you have a few kids, you might had been hearing this statement familiar. Have wonder why our kids fight? It might give you a piece of mind knowing that you’re not alone. As a matter of fact, you might think that there are something wrong if they didn’t argue.
Here are some parenting help tips on the most common logic explanation why siblings fight:
Sibling jealousy
Siblings Jealousy must often are the reason of much argument between children. Usually introduction to a new born baby to the older child wasn’t properly done. The elder kids might feel that their position in the family was in jeopardy.
The foremost explanation why kids fight is that they feel the desire to fight for your care and they don’t feel good having to share you with someone new.
Even when your kids grown up, the squabbling may persist but you can be certain they still do love one another in spite of the anxiety.
Diverse temperaments
No two children are born a like, not even twins. Your kids diverse temperaments may be on of the reason that cause the squabbling. One child may be nonchalant while the other is overly theatrical.
One of your kid maybe clingy with your or your partner while the other is independent and wants to try everything on their own. The distinction in their temperaments may results bitterness. For instance, the kid who is clingy may have more attention from the parent in which will cause jealously to the other.
Poles apart personalities
Likewise, personality differences can be part of the motive your kids fight. Your sociable child may like to have friend hanging around with. If your other child is more serious, there are going to be personality clashes. Attempt to encourage your children to meet in the central point and do deeds both will take pleasure in.
Jealousy
Jealously is usually one of the main reasons why kids fight. One of them may feel that the parents are giving too much attention to the other so they need to create a din to capture the parent’s attention. For sure, we can tell our kids that we don’t have any special favourite unit you gave up, however jealousy is a strong sentiment to prevail over.
So what can be done when your kids fight?
Lay down ground rules concerning disagreements at a start you’re faced with children fighting.
Be certain that they know beating and calling names is not allowed; if they are caught doing that , they will have to face preset penalty. For example confiscation of their favour toys.
Try not to get too caught up unless you think they might resort to psychical confrontation.
Intervening may cause other issues and your kids won’t able to learn the important skill of disagreement resolution. Hold on and see how they’re able to solve the issues. Wait and see how they’re able to work out their issues on their own. Sometimes you might be amazed at the creative solutions they can think off.
There is no way that kids will not going to fight, it’s inevitable. This is the process of growing up. They can learn many lessons from here. They learn how to stand up for their believes, express themselves, conflict management and also further develop as an individual.
]]>This topic has always been a source of controversy among parents since each would want to believe that their method is the best. There are a lot of parents who still believe that spanking is the best way to discipline a child; some others think ‘standing in the corner’ or ‘time-out’ is the correct way. But as a parent of three children, let me tell you of a better way to discipline your child. This will definitely require a lot of self-control and patience on your part.
I have formulated this method of discipline for my children based on the results of a study that was conducted among children of all age groups and their parents in Massachusetts. This study was carried out in the form of a questionnaire which had to be filled out by the parents and the children.
Highlights of the study
• The study revealed that a whooping eighty percent of the parents get angry, shout or spank their children when they do something wrong.
• It was observed that children who belong to such families tend to be more obstinate, stubborn, rebellious and less communicative than others. This pattern got more evident with increasing age of the child.
• The study also revealed that a minority of parents did not believe in spanking as a form of disciplining but rather believed in the power of communication as the key to good discipline.
What I learnt from this study
Spare the rod and spoil the child’; this is the saying I used to practice and believed in before coming across this study. It was a real eye-opener to know by spanking, I was only pushing my kids away from me. Getting angry or hitting a child is not the right parenting style.
Communication – the key to proper discipline - As a parent, you must realize that the key way to discipline your child is to keep the lines of communication open. Assess the situation well; if necessary ask the child what went wrong. If it was a fight between two children, hear both their versions before deciding what you need to do. Turn the incident around without getting angry giving full ownership to the child. Give them sympathy but at the same time make them aware that they have a broken a rule or done a mistake.
This method makes the child angry at himself, forcing him to think in the future before picking up a fight or doing something wrong. When you yell or get angry at your kid, he only sees and understands your anger; but when you turn it around on the kid, he understands his involvement in the mistake.
It requires all your patience and self-control to practice this disciplining method. But believe me; it works wonders especially with older children whom you really cannot think of spanking. Remember you are a parent, not a tyrant.
Whether you approve this disciplining style is not the question. If your method of disciplining your kid has not worked, the try this method – you have nothing to lose.
]]>Natural parenting used to be the common practice in our grandparents’ times. But today owing to time crunches and convenience issues, natural parenting has almost become a thing of the past. What most parents do not realize is that this form of parenting is the most ideal for the proper development of a child.
There are many studies that have been carried out on this topic including a recent one by Smith and his colleagues from Boston; they found that children who were raised by natural parenting methods turned out to be healthier than other children. It was also noted that mothers who chose to breastfeed their children suffered from fewer diseases, especially cancer as they grew older.
So what exactly is natural parenting and what are its advantages? Let me share with you a glimpse of my life and why I chose natural parenting techniques to raise my son.
• Preserve a holistic approach throughout pregnancy - I turned towards medicinal herbs and homeopathy instead of gulping down allopathic medications that my obstetrician prescribed.
• Opt for a natural home birth – If everything is normal, a home birth will provide the most ideal environment to deliver your baby. Firstly, you are not exposing him to the germs that are a part of every hospital environment. Secondly, you can snuggle back into bed and get adequate rest knowing your baby is safe in the hands of your family.
• Breastfeed as long as you can – Though there have been many studies proving the advantages of breastfeeding, most mothers tend to formula feed their babies these days owing to convenience factors. I personally think this is rather selfish; my son is eight months old but I still breastfeed him because I am fully aware of its manifold benefits on his health. This is the most precious gift I can give my child. In addition to being the healthier option, it has also helped to develop the bond between me and my son.
• Co-sleeping – Ever since my son was born, he has been sleeping between me and my husband. I think this is very important because a parent’s touch is the most precious feeling for a baby. It helps to nurture love and warmth between the child and his parents.
• Cloth diapers – When I started using cloth diapers, many mothers sneered at me saying I would soon revert to plastic disposable ones when the extra load of work starts weighing me down. Though it is difficult, I used only cloth diapers for my son being full aware what is good for my child’s skin and also to cut down on the use of plastic.
• Natural baby food – As my son grew up, I made baby food at home using natural and organic products instead of buying these off the shelf. This is a healthier option and provides higher nutrition and is also safe for your child’s health in the long run.
As a parent, I intend to continue natural parenting in every aspect of my child’s upbringing. It is not at all an easy job and makes me tired many a times. But every time I see my son smile, I know I have chosen the right thing to do. I know natural parenting will give my child a healthy body and a sound mind; this is my gift for him for a lifetime.
]]>As parents you need to realize that your child’s education is being influenced a lot by the way you behave and interact with your kids at home. Providing education does not necessarily mean that your job is over once you provide them with a good school and provide all their other needs.
A personal involvement is necessary as the time that you spend with your child will ultimately help shape his character. Like Antole France rightly says, Nine tenths of education is encouragement and this is what as parents you need to provide your children with.
Research has proved that when parents involve themselves in the child’s education
• Children attain higher grades in school
• Children posses a higher self esteem and confidence
• There is better attendance in schools
• Use of drugs and alcohol are restricted
Research has also proved that school going children spend about 70% of their waking hours outside school. The faster you get yourself involved in your child’s education you can be sure of perfect results
Consider for instance that in the school the child was advised on cultivating a reading habit. For a child who gets equal attention from his parents that reading is also important, he will make sure that he reads something. Choosing the right kind of books, educating them about the advantages of reading and reading with them will make sure that your children enjoy this.
There are a few things that as parents you need to govern. Establishing a routine in all activities is very important. This is to say that you need to set time for everything, including TV time and bed time and make sure that children follow this. When you give them small responsibilities to handle like throwing out the trash, you are instilling the right kind of values into them.
Make sure that you take interest in the Child’s development at school by interacting with the teacher often. Setting a goal for achievement is also very important. When you have a realistic expectation, you will be urging the child to go forward and achieve it. Talking to your children and answering them is also very important as this is something that will help develop their intellectual skills. When you provide the right surroundings for your child to grow and develop himself, you are nurturing tomorrow’s citizen.
Keeping this in mind will help you provide the right kind of atmosphere and environment for your kids to grow.
]]>To ensure a healthy upbringing of a child, parenting help is of paramount importance. Parenting help is required by parents to ensure that their child grows up into a disciplined and responsible human being. One of the major areas of concern amongst parents is to make their children disciplined.
Dr. Phil, a Ph.D. in clinical psychology from North Texas State University, who specializes in clinical and behavioral medicine, conducted a survey on national parenting help. A figure of over 15,000 people was surveyed for the cause. They were divided into categories based on gender, race, age, number of children and family structures. Participants were dealt in accordance with the Ethical Principles of Psychologists and Code of Conduct (American Psychological Association, 1992).
The survey revealed that amongst the parents, who were interviewed, 45 percent of the same wanted parenting help. They wished to know how to discipline their children. 30% parents believed that they were too lenient and over-protective with their children, whereas 12% admitted to being very strict with their children.
Parents wanted immediate parenting help on:
• Getting their child to listen to them
• Getting respect from their child
• Raising children and inculcating family cultural values
• Making their children resist temptation
The survey also pointed out that
• 34% children were inattentive in their studies
• 14% children were spoiling items
• 7% children resorted tantrums to get something
• 10% children lost control over themselves even for trifle things
A surprising 40% parents confessed that they would not have had children had they known about the problems of parenting in advance.
Amongst the children surveyed, 48% rate their parents as having very high expectations from them and a result, this is one of the major causes of anxiety and depression among children. 50% of the children also stated that their parents were too authoritative and as a result, they at times got irritated with them.
Henceforth, the survey confirmed that there was a misconception among parents as to how to discipline their children. They were not sure when to be strict and when to be polite with their children and so required some parenting help.
Parenting becomes a challenging job, as your children grow older. They develop their own world around them and all kind of rules, which suit them perfectly. It really becomes difficult to imbibe good behaviour and habits in children. Thus, parents come under lot of pressure, as they fear that their children may fall in all sorts of troubles because of bad habits or behaviour. However, with parenting help, you can tackle a lot of problems.
Many parents (approximately 22% in the survey done by UNICEF on 606 people) feel that sometimes handling tantrums thrown by children gets really tough, but parenting help make them understand that temper tantrums are quite obvious. The only thing, which can be done to stop this, is by teaching children the importance of self-control. A survey done by UNICEF points out that around 16% children just refuses to sleep, stay in the bed or go to bed when told to do so. Instead of losing temper, parents should give attention to the reasons behind this behaviour, try to make a bedtime routine and create an environment in the bedroom that is conducive to sleep.
The other thing that came to notice in this survey was that approximately 10% children did not take their meal properly and had fussy eating habits. Do not panic as eating only certain type of food or avoiding vegetables and milk is a very common thing amongst children and this habit goes away as children grow old. The only thing that can be done is not to give way to your child’s demand every time. They can take this for granted and do not make an issue. If they avoid eating something every time, then remove it from the meal.
The biggest concern for parents, as seen in the survey done by UNICEF (around 48%), was the bad behaviour of the children that includes not listening to parents and back chats. Parenting help helps you in controlling this by helping you in taking appropriate steps at appropriate time. As a parent, you have to decide what kind of behaviour is suitable for your child and do not confuse them by rewarding at one time and punishing at some other for the same behaviour. Spend more time with them and go for counselling to make them learn a new behaviour, which you prefer and reward them for following it. Avoid overreacting to a situation and accept your children’s personality. Do not criticize them in front of other people.
UNICEF’s survey shows that around 15% spouses always disagree on disciplinary issues. However, this disagreement should be avoided because in a healthy environment, only healthy childhood flourishes and if necessary, go for parenting help
]]>Many parents think it is unnecessary to discipline a toddler; after all there is all the time for it when they grow up. But what they do not realize is that children who are not disciplined from an early age grow up stubborn and rebellious not wanting to obey rules set by their parents or teachers. Hence, the first steps towards the task of disciplining should start at the infant or toddler stage.
A research study was conducted by Smith and Anne who are education experts at the Goteborg University, Sweden on how to make infants and toddlers learn the rules. This paper which was published in the International Journal of Early Childhood examines the various parenting methods on how to discipline children below three years of age.
Highlights of the study
• Every parent should understand that discipline is to teach your infant or toddler how to behave appropriately in the family and society whereas physical punishment like spanking is the use of pain to correct your infant’s wrong behavior.
• Unnecessary physical punishment by parents on their infants can only lead to aggression, anxiety, depression, poor intellectual performance and impaired conscience development.
• The right parenting style is to be firm, positive and demanding but at the same time warm and reciprocal with effective communication.
How to discipline our infants in the right way?
1. Gain the child’s trust – Parents must realize that discipline for infants and toddlers is not about spanking and punishments but by building the child’s faith in you. I try to achieve this by responding immediately to his wails and cries and also by spending ample cuddle time.
2. Think from your child’s perspective – It will help you to develop better parenting skills if instead of screaming, you can pause for a while and think about your toddler’s behavior from his perspective.
3. Speak softly – Most infants and toddlers associate loud voices with negative things. Even when you are angry, learn to speak softly and calmly to your child instead of lashing out verbally. This only pushes your baby away from you.
4. Stop saying no, no, no for everything – It is natural for every infant to be curious in his growing up years. Touching and mouthing is the way a child learns to connect with the outside world. So, the next time your tot grabs anything that he should not be, call out his name instead of the incessant no, no, no. Try to divert his attention which will take away his interest from the initial object.
5. Do not curse – Learn to speak politely to your infant no matter how angry you are. I am sure no parent wants to be held responsible for teaching their child all the bad words in the vocabulary.
6. Talk to your baby – Whether your infant understands you or not, spend time talking to him. My son is only 9 months old but I spend a lot of time talking to him especially in baby language using a lot of giggling sounds. I am not sure if he understands me but it always brings a smile on his face.
Spend some time today cuddling your tot and see how he warms up to you. Reading parenting help articles and books can also help you to develop specific disciplining methods. Remember, a kiss and a hug can work wonders in a child.
Do you have any effective disciplining tips to share with us?
Every working parent would have experienced the mental agony of having to leave their child at the day care center for the better half of a day. The effect of the caretakers and other children in the center on the development of your child is profound and should not be taken lightly.
A study funded by the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development in Washington D.C and conducted by researchers of 14 different universities revealed that the quality of a day care center plays a key role in the social, communicative, physical and mental development of a child. Hence, it is extremely important to choose a quality day care center to enlist your tot. There are many parenting help newsletters and blogs that can give you tips on finding the right day care center for your kid.
Qualities and Signs of a good day care center
1. Good reputation – Choose a center which has a warm and friendly atmosphere. Talk to other parents who have also enlisted their children in that center. Also ask around for references and approach parents who previously had been sending their kids to the particular day care center.
Tip - Remember it is important that the center should provide a nurturing environment for your child.
2. Ground rules and policies – It is ideal to choose a center which has flexible working hours. But at the same time, the center should have certain established rules and regulations that every parent must follow. It is also important to enquire about the sick-child policies of the daycare center. Being too strict may be inconvenient but it is the best way to prevent contagious diseases and illness from spreading among children.
Tip – Do not opt for a center that does not have an open-door policy. A quality daycare center does not just let you in but encourages you to participate in its activities. This way you can also assure the transparency of the organization.
3. Vibrant curriculum – Choose a center that has a fixed schedule for each day’s activities. There should be equal time for playing, reading, group activities, quiet time, meals and naps. It is better to opt for a center that does not have any television time; but if they do make sure of the kind of programs your child is watching in your absence.
Tip – Look out for a center which encourages healthy eating habits and asks parents to pack only nutritious food for their kids.
4. Staff qualifications – The daycare staff literally take on the parenting role when you are at work. Hence it is critical if they are qualified to do their job. Also make sure they are trained to handle medical emergencies and pediatric first aid.
Tip – Choose a center that has an adequate number of staff to ensure your child gets proper attention and care.
5. Cleanliness – This is another aspect every parent must look into before enrolling their child in any center. Walk around the entire building and make sure the place is well maintained and clean. Also, check out if the toys and other play things are safe for your child.
Tip – It is of key importance to find out if the medicines and other hazardous substances like cleaning solutions and detergents are placed under lock and key.
What do you think of your child’s day care center? Share with us your experiences while searching for a good daycare center.
]]>The mother-child relationship is the most precious one in the world; it is magical and ethereal. Among both the parents, it is the mother to whom the child bonds first at the very first touch.
This maternal bond is beginning to become more fragile as days go by with more and more mothers working long hours and the only option for children seem to be childcare centers. Recently a study was conducted by The National Institute of Child Health and Human Development (NICHD), where researchers studied the effect of maternal bond on the development of a child who spends long hours at the childcare center.
Results of this landmark study
• The study revealed that though modest, there was indeed a small link between the hours a child spends at daycare to the sensitivity of their mothers to their needs and wants. This report was a chilling revelation to many working parents.
• Another important highlight of the study was that there was a positive correlation between the mother’s income and education on the interaction with her child.
• It was also noted that the daycare experiences did not create any negative influence on the child’s emotional or physical development. Most parents heaved a big sigh of relief for this one.
How can we attune ourselves better to our child’s needs?
As a working parent, I understand how difficult it is for most of us to drop our child off at the daycare center everyday. But not all of us are lucky to have parents staying with us in whose hands we can trust our children to be safe. Dr. Ann Easterbrooks who is the chair of the Eliot-Pearson Department of Child Development at Tufts University believes that it is ok to put your kid in a daycare center as long as you know how to make up for the time you are away from your kid.
• Spend time together whenever you can – This is the best parenting advice that I can give for all working mothers. After coming back from work or during weekends, make sure you spend ample time with your tot; this instills a sense of security in them. This also strengthens the bond between you and your child.
• Talk to your child about her daycare – It is very important to converse with your child about her daycare experiences. Make sure you know who her friends are and how her daycare nannies play with her. Communication is the key factor to enhance your bond with your child.
• No matter how busy you are, put your child to bed at night and wake her up yourself every morning. This alone is enough to remove any insecurity your child may have about your long absences from home.
• Take your tot for long walks when time permits. Also tell her stories or read out to her at bedtime.
• Always be there when your child is sick. This is a golden rule every parent must follow. This is the time a child requires its mother’s touch the most. It can significantly affect your child’s mental state if you leave her with a stranger at this time.
There is a lot of parenting help books that you can read to gain more insight on how to spend quality time together with your child. Like the saying goes – God could not be everywhere so he made mothers.
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