I’m a task master, not a wimpy manager. The last think I want is for my employees to think I’m their friend. I’m not their friend and I don’t want to be their friend. I was hired to get the job done, and it’s not going to get done if everyone wants to sit around and talk about their problems. The Likeable Leader? What a joke.

Are you kidding me?

I’m a father, not a playmate. The last thing I want is for my children to think I’m their friend. I’m not their friend and I don’t want to be their friend. I want them to respect me and grow up to be responsible adults, and that’s not going to happen if I relinquish my job as a father and spend my time trying to be their friend. The Likeable Father? What a joke.

Are you kidding me?

I’m trying to teach these kids how to grow up to be responsible adults. The last thing I want is for my students to think I’ll drop everything to talk to them about a problem that has nothing to do with class. I’m trying to mold the minds of 30 different children and I can’t do that if I’m spending my time trying to get them to like me. That’s not the way I work. The Likeable Teacher? What a joke.

You can rewrite this ditty for a million different circumstances where people find themselves in a leadership position. It doesn’t much matter if the leader is a manager, the owner of a company, a parent, a teacher, a preacher or even the author of this article. There’s a huge misconception that being liked by the people you lead is a weakness, when nothing … I mean nothing could be further from the truth.

From 5 Years Old to 95 Years Old

There are thousands if not hundreds of thousands of leaders from the age of 5 to 95 years old who believe that being liked is a weakness, something to be avoided at all cost. They firmly hold this belief because they feel that if their employees or children or students or followers think they like them, they will try to take advantage of them. And the true is, employees and children and students and followers do try to take advantage of their leaders, but it has nothing to do with being liked.

Do you really believe that liking and being liked by the people you work with is a sign of weakness when you know for a fact that you would much rather work for a manager who you like and respect and who likes and respects you, than for a manager you respect but don’t like. What’s up with the double standard?

Too Much Evidence To Prove Otherwise

Study after study shows that people will work harder for the leader they like than for the leader they don’t like. The problem is this, many leaders believe that if they like and are liked by their employees they will be seen by their employees and their supervisor as weak. They believe that showing the slightest degree of sympathy or compassion or even sharing a laugh with an employee is a sign of being soft. News Alert! It’s not.

If anything, likability and respect go hand in hand. Let me give you a quick example.

Do you like President Obama? Do you respect him? Do you like President Bush? do you respect him? Certainly there are exceptions to what I’m about to tell you, but generally people who like president Obama respect him and the people who like president Bush respect him. There’s a strong link between likeability and respect.

There Are Exceptions

Of course there are exceptions to this rule, as there are exceptions to every rule. It’s true that some of the most charismatic, likeable people in the world turned out to be serial killers and mass murderers. It’s also true that some of the most unlikeable people throughout history commanded the respect of their followers through fear and intimidation.  As I said, there are exceptions.

Knowing how to like your employees is the greatest management skill you can posses. Because being liked by the people you lead is one of the most persuasive and powerful skills you can possess if you’re responsible for getting things done.

You Go First

More importantly, you can … and should strive to be … liked AND respected by the people you lead. The way to do that is to like and respect them first.

If you let others take advantage of you, it’s not because they think you like them, it’s because you’re letting them to take advantage of you. If you’re not liking others because you’re afraid they will take advantage of you, you’re a weak leader.

Step up to the plate and become The Likeable Leader that you’re capable of becoming. It’s easier than you think.

What do you think is the quickest way to become more likable? Please tell me what you think in the comment section below.

Try as you may, you can’t make people like you. It’s a misnomer. You “can” like other people, but you “can not” make them like you back.

But wait, there is good news. When you focus your attention on helping people like themselves (not being a people pleaser or a brown noser) there is a very good chance they will like you in return. Be the kind of person people want to like.

Parking At The Atlanta Airport

In the early days of my public speaking career I gave approximately 100 speeches a year and none of them were in my home town of Atlanta. Virtually every speaking engagement required a trip to the Atlanta-Hartsfield International Airport where I parked my car on a lot the size of New Jersey.

I credit the airport authority for doing their very best to help me find my car upon returning to Atlanta, but even with all of their help, I usually could have walked home in the time I located my car, and I lived 35 miles from the airport.

What Am I Going To Do?

After hearing me complain about this frustrating problem, my children decided to invest in an Airport Car Identification and Retrieval Device (ACIRD), otherwise know as a Jack-in-the-box antenna ball. So one afternoon before yet another trip, they walked me to my car and attached Jack to my radio antenna and hugged me goodbye.

This trip was different. Upon my return to the Atlanta airport, I looked up over the sea of cars and there, off in the distance was Jack waving his bright white head yelling, “Over here! Here I am! Over here! Look over here!” My days of endlessly searching for my car in frustration were over, at least that’s what I thought.

It wasn’t long before every weary traveler in Atlanta discovered my trick. Within weeks I noticed hundreds of Jack balls all standing above the sea of cars yelling, “Over here! Here I am! Over here! Look over here!” With all the distractions, finding my car was harder than ever.

Now What?

I told my children how everyone at the airport had discovered their great idea and asked them to think of another solution. The next day after school I found them decorating my Jack ball with florescent yellow paint and a few personal touches that no one else dare imitate. (It’s amazing what two preteen boys will come up with when they’re mother isn’t looking.)

Problem solved. Now with hundreds of Jack balls yelling, “Over here! Here I am! Over here! Look over here!” My new and improved “Jackie” ball stood out beckoning me with her soft voice, “Hey sailor! Did you miss me?”

Make Me Feel Good About Me And My Group

Helping people feel good about the group they belong to is no different than helping an individual feel good about himself or herself. It makes little difference if the group is your daughters softball team, a staff meeting at work or the gathering of Nobel Laureates in Physics. Everyone wants to feel good about himself or herself and the people they associate with.

The only real difference in helping people feel good in a group setting is the fact that you’re doing it in a public forum. You must be willing to stand-up and assert your likability in an environment that terrifies most everyone else, and do it without calling attention to yourself.

Here are a few ideas as to how you can do just that.

1. If you get and opportunity to speak, start by complimenting the group and be specific. Not only will the group appreciate your compliment, they will be much more likely to listen to what you have to say next.
2. Pay attention to what’s going on in the meeting and actively look for observational humor opportunities. It’s very easy to do and everyone enjoys having their spirits elevated … especially the person who prompted the humor. If you want to learn more about observational humor, visit John Kinde’s Humor Site.
3. Take on the role of host or hostess to the greatest extent you can in every group setting. In doing so, you will not only be an asset to the person responsible for the meeting, but you will be winning people over by helping them feel safe and welcome.

Don’t Wait

Don’t wait and don’t be shy when it comes to helping the group and the people in that group feel good about themselves, and don’t be surprised when others take notice and attempt to imitate your behavior. Stand-up, stand-out and do something right now to demonstrate why you are the most likable person in the room.

I’m your customer and I want you to know that I like you and I like doing business with you. Some of my reasons may sound a little odd, and to tell you the truth I don’t fully understand them myself, but I assure you my comments are sincere.

1. I like doing business with you because you like me. You are the only supplier who has ever taken the time to send me a personal note stating how you feel.

2. I like doing business with you because you are like me in so many ways. We share common beliefs and experiences. Because of this I know you understand me better than any other supplier.

3. I like doing business with you because you are an expert at what you do. I know I can count on you to provide me with accurate information saving me time and money.

4. I like doing business with you because you don’t take yourself to seriously. You can laugh at yourself and that makes me comfortable to be around you.

5. I like doing business with you because I feel happy when I’m with you. I look forward to seeing you and hearing from you because you make me feel joyful when I’m with you. You make me laugh.

6. I like doing business with you because you pay attention to how you present yourself to me. It’s one of the many things you do to show your respect for our relationship.

7. I like you because you’re genuine. I never feel like you’re putting on airs or trying to be someone you’re not. I trust you.

8. I like you because you associate with others that I admire. I do judge people by the company they keep, and you keep good company.

9. I like you because I like to associate with people other people admire. I feel special and important when I’m in your presence.

10. I like you because you are attentive to my needs. You take the time to ask pertinent questions before offering a solution. You care.

11. I like you because you’re courteous. You respect my time and space and you always let me know how much you appreciate my business.

12. I like you because I know you’re on my team. I can count on you to be there when I need you.

13. I like you because you give me the opportunity to do things for you too. You’ve done so much for me. It makes me feel good about myself when you allow me to do something as simple as buy your lunch.

14. Most importantly, I like you because I like me best when I’m with you. You make me feel smart and interesting and funny and wise. This is your greatest gift.

And because I like you, I want to see you succeed. I want to buy what you’re selling and refer you to everyone I know. I’m delighted to go out of my way to add to your success.

Thank you for making it so easy for me to like you, do business with you and refer you to my friends with confidence.

Signed, Your Customer

Feel free to use all or part of this letter and send it to your favorite supplier. I assure you, it’s a letter they will cherish and remember for the rest of their life.