Life Stylzz

Travel going off track

2011-05-30T06:30:00.001-07:00

Too timid to try this? Get over it. Jump out of a plane, navigate the rapids and snorkel with sharks in adventure sports heaven, Australia

I prepare for every eventuality when travelling. I arrive at the airport before the counter opens and I know where the emergency parachute is. I took a leap of faith by choosing an itinerary with scary sports in Queensland, a state recently hit by natural disasters. But no other place allowed one to swim in the Great Barrier Reef, zip through rainforests and hug koalas. I travelled to Brisbane and was relieved to see no hint of calamity. A smooth plane ride to Cairns and I was ready for action.

Skydiving
I was terrified. My instructor dismissively said, "Almost nobody dies, worst case scenario, people break a leg or two." Seeking no more reassurance, I climbed into the aircraft. He sensed my fear that hadn't exactly abated and said, "Thanks for trusting me since I've only been doing this for three months." He grinned as the colour drained from my face. Then he confessed that he's been in business for a decade.

We were 14,000 feet in the air and I watched the others on my plane fly away, one at a time. It seemed surreal until it was my turn. I reluctantly moved towards the open door. It was seven degrees and my feet were dangling out of the plane. Now, my resolve faded, but before I could react, we were flying. It's a 60-second free-fall and I forgot everything the instructional video taught. Random thoughts entered my head such as - I put down my Mumbai number for emergencies. But they won't make long distance calls, will they!

I wanted to scream but I'd lost my voice. Finally the chute snapped open, and next I saw fields several 100 feet below. My first words finally surfaced, "Oh s***, this is great!" We landed and the rush and exhilaration had me weak in the knees. Minutes later, I got back up thinking that after this I can do anything. Until the next adventure strikes!

Where: The Australian Skydive Company, Cairns.
Cost: AUD 299

White-water rafting
I am not a strong swimmer. Ok, I'll be honest - I am embarrassing to be around in water. I flap frantically and simultaneously panic while trying to keep my head above the surface. Yet I was readying to raft the Barron River. To make things worse, it was only after our raft, carrying six, got cruising that our guide, Taka, warned about recent crocodile sightings. Taka reassured us saying, "Since it's not lunchtime, you should be fine."

His words made my grip firmer as the first rapid struck in full force and then another. Having maneuvered holes and eddies, miraculously, we made it to shore without losing anyone.

Where: Raging Thunder, Cairns.
Cost: AUD 133

Snorkelling
I moved from Cairns to Port Douglas for my biggest challenge - water-sports. Since this was the Great Barrier Reef, a UNESCO heritage and the only living thing visible from space, I had to do this.

Our cruise liner, Poseidon, parked itself in the middle of the ocean, where the instructors warned us of the dangers - strong waves, jelly fish that could have you writhing in pain. We were also a danger to each other, thanks to our flippers that could 'rip flesh apart'. We were told that every situation could be brought under control right here on the liner - meds to numb pain, fight stings and our instructors could also 'stitch us up'. The brave still decided to dive, whilst I stuck to snorkelling. I donned a stinger suit and a wet suit over it for buoyancy (an extra aid for non-swimmers). For added safety, I was given a noodle and a guide - Jason.

I was swimming above the unspoilt Agincourt Ribbon Reefs. The world below was in full technicolour - yellow Clown Anemonefish (Nemo), purple Anthias and many more. A passing shark made an appearance but thankfully after I was safely onboard.
Where: Poseidon, Port Douglas
Cost: Snorkelling - AUD 190

All terrain vehicle
How tough could it be to ride a quad bike after all I've survived? Ironically, I failed at this task. Within minutes, I banged into a tree. Yet my instructor remained patient. That is until I rammed into him full speed. I apologised but he simply said, "It's okay. Indians make the worst drivers." I wanted to prove him wrong, but I managed to do the exact opposite and got stuck in a ditch. For the rest of the ride, it was double-seat for me. In my defence, it was a heavy-duty bike and I am a tiny Indian woman!

My instructor was in charge but he was smooth and made me feel that I was the one in control. We drove through mucky swamps, dirt flying everywhere; maneuvered around tight spots, and waded through gigantic puddles. Covered in filth, sweaty and smelly, I survived the ride.

Where: Blazing Saddles.
Cost: AUD 125

Hot air ballooning
There were eleven of us huddled in a wicker basket. Any sudden moves had everybody feeling it. But I took solace thinking that our pilot Steve had our back. Almost on cue he announced, "I don't really have control over this thing. I can just take it up and down, real fast!" He wasn't entirely joking. A balloon doesn't come with multiple controls. It was blazing blowtorches and expert navigation that kept us going.

We were flying above the Atherton tablelands -- fruit orchards, eucalyptus trees, and other feats of nature. Finally when we landed, we cleaned up our mess. That's right, we helped pack the balloon. And it was no easy task. In fact, it takes 10 strong men and three women to get the job done.

Where: Raging Thunder, Cairns. Cost: AUD 225 (approx)

The Gen Z gets click happy

2011-05-30T06:29:00.002-07:00

Your digital camera today has a story to tell! For many youngsters studying on the campus enjoying indulging in photography has emerged the best medium of self-expression during the vacation.

Nothing captures the essence of a moment more perfectly than a camera and youngsters in the city are enjoying this. The pictures then find their way to social networking sites or blogs.

Photography being a unique medium, experts feel that not always do you need a professional degree for it. It depends on the perception and how you view a particular object. The young today enjoy taking pictures of anything that catches their fancy and are simply loving doing that. And it is quite an affordable hobby, say many.

Disha Kalolia, a design student says, "I like photography as I can capture people's emotions. It leaves a trail of fond memories for a lifetime!"

But what has caused this sudden spurt of youngsters being involved in the world of photography? People no longer have to worry about that one bad picture in the film, or the skills required in the post-production process, say the young. Digital cameras have made it very easy for people to click hundreds of pictures without bothering about getting a bad picture. It is all about shooting random things, not worrying about perfection or production quality. Psychology graduate Hiral Makwana says, "Today, photography has become easy compared to earlier days. Camera is available at your desired budget. SLR cameras have become a style statement for people to own and are easier to use then the video cameras."

Ketan Modi, Pictographer, who also teaches photography, feels, "Youngsters aged 18-25 are pursuing it as a hobby. Previously, people considered photography as a costly profession which required a lot of skills. Gen Z is more passionate about the latest equipments rather than the artistic side of photography."

Like every beginner, they begin with nature photography, birthday parties, farewell parties and get togethers. These pictures also make great items for gifts as photo frames, mugs, T-shirts, calendars and scrapbooks. Sohel Mojanidar, an engineer, says, "A photograph creates memories. That is why the minute you say 'picture', it brings a smile on someone's face!"

With various photography contests offering a lucrative platform for the young to showcase their talent, the Gen Z is only indulging in capturing the pixels.

Solo on the road...

2011-05-30T06:29:00.000-07:00

This summer the traveller's frat is making sure they pack their mascara and LBD, with their keds and other travel togs.

Say hello to women biz head honchos, homemakers and more — all of whom are high on life, higher on wanderlust and who will do anything to take out time to jet-set to the places on their wishlist. You'll find them anywhere from the plains of Machhu Pichhu, to skiing in the Alps, sailing off the Gold Coast or taking a cruise by the exotic Nile. "It's true," says Yogi Shah who takes travellers on trips around the world with his Backpacker Co. "At least 65 per cent of travellers today are single women. They ask for girl guides, stay on 'women only' floors and have a blast!"

So, what gives?
The idea for these ladies seems to be to 'get out and travel when you want'! While 27-year-old actor Ira Dubey's waiting to jet set off on a November-December Greece getaway with her pals, actor and single girl Shahana Goswami recently went to live la vida loca in Spain! "The place is known for its good-looking men, tantalising food and breathtaking landscape...I loved my getaway," she says.

Sumitra Senapaty, who presents the concept of single girl travelling with her club WOW (Women On Wanderlust), says more women are finding it increasingly convenient to travel this way. Since the inception of her travel club, she's brought together at least 10,000 women. "The requests to see more places just keep growing," she declares.

Globe-trotting safari
If the destinations are hot, the itineraries are hotter and planners like Senapaty make sure the ladies have a blast minus their families and better halves. Advertising professional Rishika Kumar, 30, wanted to bask by the piazzas in Italy. "I was a history student too, so I wanted to visit and last December, I did so alone. Maybe I'll do Greece this year," she muses.

The list of to-dos is a versatile one, so planners like Shah actually build cooking and wine-tasting sessions into women travel trips. Consultant Komal Lath reveals how her recent travel agenda was "insane". She says, "My school friend and I planned a girl trip because we find backpacking fun and needed time to explore on our own. We took off to France, Monaco and Italy and just enjoyed things on our time. I'd like to go do this again."

Top 5 women-friendly destinations
- Vancouver
- Istanbul
- Hanoi
- Singapore
- Austin

Shiny, happy people

2011-05-30T06:27:00.000-07:00

For an Indian tourist seeking a summer holiday escape, the neighboring landlocked kingdom of Bhutan -- nestled in the southern slopes of the eastern Himalayas -- assures easy accessibility to happiness.

And it's not just because of the lack of a need for a visa, the acceptance of the Indian rupee as legal tender and the forthcoming discounts at shops in Paro and Thimphu. But the sheer tranquility offered by the rich biodiversity hotspot (home to 770 bird species and 5,400 species of plants) helps to gain mental equilibrium. The ecoregion, dotted with chortens, dzongs, monasteries and lhakhangs, really lives up to the international acclaim for its high gross national happiness.

India shining
For a country whose roads are built by the Indian contract labor, whose royal military service is trained by the Indian army, that which relies on the Indian Airforce for air assistance and whose national dish of Ema datschi is cooked in hugely imported Indian cheese, the Bhutanese warmth for Indians is palpable. An incident at a handicraft shop in Thimphu speaks for itself. One Indian tourist, part of Doe's Eco Tours, inquired into the seemingly Indian designs on the Bhutanese Kira (national dress). "Bharat se bahut kuch lete hain... Indian beer aur Indian TV serial, dono bahut acche hain..." said the shop owner taking a small break from the Ekta Kapoor fare on his small screen.

In fact, every shop has an overt dual charge system, the inexpensive slot for Indians and the high-end rates for Americans or Europeans (paying 200$ tariff per day).

A courteous culture
Generally speaking, the Bhutanese are mild-mannered and soft-spoken. The Buddhist religious influence also reflects in their day-today conduct of life. The pace of life is relaxed and retains peculiar old world innocence. Petty thieving, pick pocketing, cheating, bribery are the vices that have not yet touched the local Bhutan population (670,000). Tourist guides do not demand exorbitant tips, hotel staff does not mislead and no driver honks on the road, however bad the jam. Incidentally, Thimphu is the only world capital with no traffic signals. The traffic policeman in the main square is therefore a sight to watch. Another sight that epitomises Bhutan's quiet is its only international airport at Paro. It is built on a plot (smaller than Shivaji Park) located in the deep Paro valley, surrounded by peaks as high as 18,000 feet. It is considered one of the world's most enigmatic airports as flights at Paro are allowed only under visual meteorological conditions and are restricted to daylight hours.

The Bhutanese identity
The Bhutanese law requires all Bhutanese citizens to wear the national dress in public areas and as formal wear - that is the kneelength robe for men (gho) and the ankle-length keera for women. Social status and ranking determine the texture, colors, and embellishments that go with the garments. Multiple-coloured scarves and shawls are also barometers of social standing. For Indians, the Bhutanese culture, cuisine, music and couture seems an extension of India's North-Eastern states. The keera, for instance, goes very close to the unstitched robes draped by Khasi, Garo and Jaintia women in Meghalaya. Parts of Paro can easily pass off as those in Shillong or Aizwal. However, for those unexposed to the oriental cultures, Bhutan's physical features stand out as plain exotic, specially elements like the flying phallus symbols hung on house doors that signify fertility. As Doreen D'Sa, regularly operating Bhutan tours over last ten years, remarks, "Bhutan is pristine and unlike other harried holiday spots. And yet it is only in the last five years that Indians have put Bhutan on their tourist map. Usually, the Japanese and the Europeans and of course, the Americans chose Bhutan." In 2010, over 27,196 tourists world visited Bhutan.

A role model in conservation
The Bhutanese respect for nature translates in effective efforts twoards ecological conservation. The kingdom has protected over 65 percent of the land area under forest cover. It has designated more than a quarter of its territory as national parks, reserves and other protected areas. Their effort to protect its national animal - Takin - is also exemplary. The love for its botanical reserves is seen in the prompt upkeep of an amazing variety of magnolias, rhododendrons, the primulus, the blue poppies and other epiphytic orchids. Bhutan is a naturalist's delight.

Bhutan cares for its history too, as is evident in the Paro Museum, the National Library and the Folk Heritage Museum, Thimphu. Bhutan's philatelic collection impressively traces the history of India-Bhutan relations. The stamps of Mahatma Gandhi are telling.

The must-sees
There are many must-sees in Bhutan, specially the less-visited Central Bhutan's Bumthang valley. But for those restricting themselves to Western Bhutan, two places of worship stand out vividly: the Punakha dzong and the Taktsang monastery. The Punakha Dzong, built at the confluence of the Pho Chu and Mo Chu rivers in 1637, has been damaged by four fires, an earthquake, and flood water. But the Dzong has been fully restored to its original glory and has a compelling presence. Before Thimphu, Punakha was the capital of Bhutan.

The trek to Taktsang is a spiritual experience in itself. The monastery is located 10 kms to the north of Paro and hangs on a rugged precipitous cliff about 900 metres (3,000 ft) above the valley. It is said that Guru Rinpoche, the father of the Bhutanese sect of Mahayana Buddhism, arrived in Paro Valley more than a millennium ago on the back of a legendary tigress. He meditated for three months in a cave where a monastery was later built and called Taktsang Lhakhang or Tiger's Nest.

Visitors to Paro reach the monastery by ascending either on foot (around 3000 ft) or on horseback for about three hours to Tiger's Nest. The clear view of Mount Jhomolhari is a once-in-a-lifetime gain of the trek.

But more than reaching the top, it is the trek that is spiritually electrifying... a personal victory.

Jatinga, where birds commit suicide?

2011-05-30T06:25:00.000-07:00

The tranquillity of Jatinga, a scenic village nestling among the Borail Hills range, is shattered every night by a disturbing occurrence - the 'mass suicide' of hundreds of birds.

Locals have been witnessing the eerie phenomenon from September to November for the last couple of years. As the sun sets, hundreds of birds descend on the village and fly full speed towards buildings and trees, crashing to their deaths. The repeated episodes are confined to a 1.5 km strip of the village.

With lush greenery and plentiful freshwater, Jatinga, the headquarters of the Dima Hasao district, some eight kilometres from here, is a resting place for many migratory birds. Haflong is 350 km from Guwahati.

Birds that have been sighted here over the years include the kingfisher, Indian pitta, green breasted pitta, green pigeon, black drongo, racket tailed drongo, whistling ducks, spotted doves, emerald doves, and grey heron.

But come September, and the locals brace for the ghastly sight.

Is it really suicide, or something else?

"It is not a suicide, to be precise. But the fact remains that birds are attracted by light and fly towards any object with a light source. This phenomenon still puzzles bird specialists," said Anwaruddin Choudhury, a well-known ornithologist in Assam, on the sidelines of the First International Jatinga Festival here.

B. Brahma, conservator of forests, Hills Circle, Haflong, also echoes the view.

"From past and present observations and experiences, it can be said that birds don't commit suicide," Brahma said.

The 'suicide', however, is just a part of the mystery. The more baffling question is why birds fly after sunset at all, as reserach shows that most birds are diurnal, that is, active only during the day.

The late Salim Ali, the country's pre-eminent ornithologist, too was struck by this oddity.

"The most puzzling thing to me about this phenomenon is that so many species of diurnal resident birds should be on the move when, by definition, they should be fast asleep. The problem deserves a deeper scientific study from various angels," he had written.

The 'avian harakiri', as the locals call it, has in fact shaped the region's history.

Jatinga was originally inhabited by the Zeme Nagas, who came across the bird phenomenon while guarding their paddy fields on a moonless, dark night. Frightened, the Nagas sold the land to Jaintias and left the place way back in 1905.

Jaintias, the new inhabitants of Jatinga, also witnessed the phenomenon but interpreted it as a gift from the gods.

"The phenomenon has generated tremendous interest in wildlife circles across the world and has made Jatinga world famous," Brahma said.

The earliest reference to this phenomenon was made by E.P. Gee, a British tea planter in his book "Wild Life of India" in 1957.

The Zoological Survey of India had sent a team to visit the place in 1977. Later, leading ornithologists from Europe, the US and Japan too studied the mystery.

However, no case of migratory birds plunging to their deaths has been recorded yet.

Some bird specialists attribute the phenomenon to the electro-magnetic forces of Jatinga, which is surrounded by geographical faultlines all round. But no conclusive evidence has emerged till now.

The deaths, though perplexing, are not mourned. Locals are quick to trap the birds using bamboo sticks, which are then consumed with relish.

Gopal Sainshai, a local resident, said in an Interview, "Over the years, the number of birds coming here has not decreased. I have seen many such birds."

Those desiring a first-hand experience of the phenomenon can visit Haflong - with Silchar (110 km) and Guwahati (350 km) being the two nearest airports. If travelling by train, board a broad gauge train from Guwahati till Lumding, from where another meter-gauge train will take you to Haflong.

The route from Lumding to Haflong passes through many tunnels and it is an exciting journey somewhat resembling the Kalka-Shimla track. By road, it takes around 10-11 hours as you have to negotiate bumpy roads.

The different strokes of Down Under

2011-05-30T06:23:00.000-07:00

Australia has not been perceived as the model for multiculturalism lately, but the Vietnamese festival celebrating the turn of the season on the Lunar New Year tells a different story

Sassy, energetic, good-looking and game for anything - if Melbourne was in the dating game this is how her profile would read.

BBQ weather
I arrived in Melbourne from Mumbai last weekend and while I had left our city when it was going through what some would cheerily call winter, Melbourne was preening under blue skies and a toasty summer. I am fortunate to have an old friend Yazad, who is now a chef in Melbourne, and as soon as he picked me up from the airport, he declared that there was no argument that it was barbeque weather.

Even though I was walking the plank over an ocean of sleep due to the five-and-a-half hour time difference and jetlag, Melbourne's infectious vibrancy served as a dose of energy drink. We dropped my bags, walked to the Prahran market (where you get supreme meats) and bought cuts of loin steaks, tenderloin and special butcher sausages flavoured with sage and chilly.

The resulting barbeque was delicious - it had to be, since it was prepared by a chef who is passionate about his food and reputation. But since it was summer, daylight outlived the food and we headed out to the Belgian Beer Cafe Blue Stone on St Kilda Road in the suburb or Prahran. If I could shut out the twangy Aussie accent that was bouncing about boisterously, I could have very well felt like I was in Belgium, every Belgian beer that I love and cherish like Leffe, Brugse Zot, Hoegaarden and St Feuillien were there on tap.

Welcoming the lunar new year
The next morning, rested and refreshed with body clock synchronised to Victoria's time zone, we headed out to Victoria Street in t h e s u b - u r b o f Abbotsford. Here the Vietnamese community of Melbourne was celebrating the onset of the Lunar New Year. This festival marks the onset of spring and is the most important in Vietnamese culture. Even though Melbourne was now well into summer, north of the equator in Vietnam it would soon be the onset of spring. I asked one stall owner why the festival was celebrated earlier than its actual date, and he replied, "Have you been to Melbourne in autumn? It is so cold that no one would attend." Since Melbourne is way down south, the onset of spring in Vietnam means the beginning of autumn here.

Show time
But I couldn't really be bothered with all this geography and timetables. There were concerts, parades and handicraft stores. Even if you were to go there and not buy anything, you'd enjoy the sights, smells and sounds of traditional Vietnamese culture. On sale were little cuddly dragon soft toys, authentic Chinese umbrellas and Vietnamese hats, the kind that farmers wear while working paddy fields in Vietnam. You could also buy a fierce and scowling Chinese kite, the kind that would definitely give any bird that flew past it a mild cardiac arrest. Chilled coconut water was available in lovely symmetrically cut coconuts to beat the heat.

There were two stages set up and on one of them the famous Vietnamese style concert the Mung Xuan Tan Mao was in progress. This involves huge effigies of animals swaying to rhythmic tune. On another stage, karaoke was in full swing. Halfway through the festival, a brass band paraded through the street belting out a stomping march.

What made the festival exciting were its various food stalls. Pho - the famous Vietnamese noodle soup was being cooked on high pressure gas stoves, its aroma lassoing hungry crowds. Grilled beef in vine leaves is another awesomely tasty snack that will make you want to settle down in Saigon. On Victoria Street, you could buy a skewer of it and munch on it as you walked. There were fried squids with a delicious tangy sauce, fish ball with laksa sauce and quail with spicy sauce. And steamed corn served hot and buttered and batter fried pork on skewers served with sweet and spicy sauce. The servings were cheap and small, so we could sample everything. Walking down Victoria Street was akin to taking a culinary stroll through Vietnam.

Finally...
The festival was more of a foodies' fiesta than traditional celebrations, but a festival's ultimate goal is to bring in happiness and the Lunar Festival at Victoria Street did that in huge measure. Soon it will be time to celebrate the Chinese New Year and today (Feb 6), Melbourne's China Town on Russell Street will be the place to be as Melbourne's Chinese community will bring in the Year of the Rabbit with drums, firecrackers, music, singing and of course, food. I wish I was there for that too!

Getting there
- Qantas flies from Mumbai to Melbourne via Singapore.
- Melbourne's tram system is very simple to use. You could also go short distances on the cycle.

Snow being cleared for Amarnath pilgrimage

2011-05-30T06:05:00.000-07:00

"Work to clear snow from the two tracks leading to the Amarnath cave shrine in Jammu and Kashmir is expected to be completed before the pilgrimage starts June 29," officials said.

"There are tonnes of snow all along the routes. It is quite a difficult task this time," an official of the Public Works Department attached with the Shri Amarnathji Shrine Board told.

The board manages the pilgrimage to the shrine located at a height of 3,888 metres above sea level in south Kashmir.

"We are hopeful that by June 25, everything will be in place," board chief executive officer R.K. Goyal said in a statement Sunday.

He added that the pilgrimage will start June 29 and conclude Aug 13.

Nearly 200,000 devotees have registered for the pilgrimage. More than half a million people visited the shrine last year.

Beware! Hand sanitizers can get you drunk

2011-05-29T00:01:00.002-07:00

A new study has suggested that excessive use of hand sanitizers may cause users to test positive for booze.

Researchers analyzed 11 participants who used the hand sanitizer 'Purell' once every five minutes during three 10-hour days.

After taking twice-a-day urine tests and abstaining from drinking alcohol, all except one of the participants failed, reports the Discovery News.

Though, the average person may not use that much hand sanitizer, the work environments of many medical professionals rely on the product for sanitation between treating patients.

It's also true that employers of these professions may subject employees to alcohol tests on a regular basis.

The research was triggered by some previous reports of pharmacists and nurses losing their licenses because of failing these tests.

In an incident, a nurse from Pennsylvania placed responsibility on hand sanitizers for her failed test, according to the Wall Street Journal.

Researchers have suggested redefining the thresholds for specific biomarkers to reduce the chances of false positive tests among people who did not consume alcohol but were exposed to ethanol in other forms.

Dealing with a sulk-o-maniac

2011-05-29T00:01:00.000-07:00

Do you know a passive aggressive person who uses moping as a weapon or plays victim to express anger? Here's how to spot and deal with one

Do you know anyone who will agree to do something for you but then turn up late for the task and sulk because they are missing something else to help you? Or a cook who burns the chapatti day after day even though she can make better ones? This is passive aggressive behaviour.

Usually this sort of personality trait does not depend on a particular situation, but cuts across to all aspects of their life — work, relationships and other social-set-ups. In fact, people who are chronically passive aggressive are notorious for playing the victim in relationships. They are known to be perpetually negative, obstructive and find excuses for their procrastination, stubbornness, inefficiency as well as under-performance. They are bound to their resentment more closely than to their satisfaction. Clinical psychologist Shweta Bhatnagar explains, "It isn't visible anger like hitting or shouting, where one is evidently angry and needs to vent. Passive aggression is a covert form of abuse, which is subtle, veiled and more often than not, sugar-coated with love and concern. Because of its tricky characteristics, often those who engage in the behaviour are unaware of the extent of damage they inflict. When confronted, they are sincerely dismayed. Their own lack of insight into their feelings makes them believe others misunderstand them or are holding them to unreasonable standards."

Interestingly, there are strains of this in all of us, some stronger than others. "Women in fact, are a lot more passive aggressive in their behaviour than men. While it isn't a devastating realisation, the negativity needs to be expunged to be happy and emotionally healthy. As children, women are told to be nurturing, caring and non-aggressive. They take on the martyr mode but as events in life pile up, they start holding others responsible for their misery. Taking care of others becomes an excuse for neglecting themselves, for which they resent the others, usually spouses," says Bhatnagar.

Passive aggressive people are not ill meaning. They are simply illequipped to handle certain truths. Their strongest emotion is denial, while they have a strong desire to connect; their defence mechanism makes them guarded to the point of being self-destructive. Yet, it is not only detrimental for the individual suffering from passive aggression, but also for those subjected to it. Here's how you can identify the people with passive aggressive tendencies.

Lacking anger
Essentially, this form of aggression is the inability to express anger in a healthy way and takes years to develop. As kids, they are made to believe that anger is unacceptable, so they go through life without actively expressing it. They seem very accommodating, but tend to give it back in an under-handed manner. They sabotage situations and relationships to get their point across instead of dealing with it in a healthy communicative manner.

Blame game
They almost never take responsibility for their actions. It is anyone, but them. In relationships, almost all the problems can be traced back to your lack of concern or complacency without any responsibility being taken on their part. Be it communication gaps, intimacy issues, adjustment problems, it is all usually your doing.

Ambiguity
They rarely mean what they say, or say what they mean. Their actions speak louder than words and that's the best way to judge them. They don't act until they've caused some stress by their ambiguous communication. They may say they are okay with you staying in touch with a certain ex-girlfriend/boyfriend but may find covert ways of blaming your current problems on your behaviour in past relationships, or sabotage your communication with them without coming under the scanner.

Procrastination and sullenness
While we all are guilty of being procrastinators, passive aggressive individuals use it as a tool to get their way. They find ways to project negativity around them. They are moody and often do not like doing things they didn't sign up for. While they may never accept it openly, their actions always convey their intent.

Conscious obstructionism
This is a common form of work place aggression, exhibited by passive aggressive people, when an employee justifies why they hinder their own work, by being complacent with their responsibilities. Besides, people with this disorder expect others to run their errands and to carry out their daily responsibilities. They tend to walk slowly, work slowly, deliberately to slow down the pace of work and their daily productivity.

Fear of intimacy
They have difficultly trusting people and are very guarded in their relationships. They avoid intimate attachments. They may be intimate in bed and make you feel loved, but their sense of detachment runs deep. During a difficult phase, they will be able to disconnect easily and keep you on tenterhooks.

Them and you
According to psychotherapist Prerna Shah, through their dependency they control you. They make you feel they don't need to depend on you, but find ways to attach themselves much closer than they'd admit. They engage in relationships where someone can be an object for their hostility. "They are attracted to people with low self esteem, who will make excuses for their bad behaviour. Over time, their partner feels blamed for everything while being made to feel like they are in a loving relationship, with someone who is unable to form a meaningful bond," says Shah.

How to deal with passive aggressive behaviour
- The best way to deal with them is to understand the problem and confront it. Help them acknowledge their share of damage is essential for their own well-being.
- Let the conversation be about your feelings not their bad behaviour and do not attack their character. Bring up one issue at a time and try not to stretch the conversation indefinitely.
- Recognise that a passive aggressive person is not a victim. Don't be bullied into accepting faults. They need to be made to feel responsible for their own actions.
- Be straightforward with a passive aggressive person. When they ill-treat you, speak to the person about the behaviour in a direct manner.
- If they resist, they will need encouragement and your intention should be made clear.
- For any drastic change to happen, the realisation needs to come from within. They should be willing to acknowledge their own self-destructive behaviour and seek help for it.
- Sometimes it helps to revisit childhood issues and seek closure in order to have mature relationships and to be happier individuals.
- Friends, family, professional help and even meditation go a long way in reassuring a passive aggressive of trust and faith.

Two piece and perfection!

2011-05-29T00:00:00.000-07:00

The summer heat is at its peak. What's the first solution that pops into your head to beat the heat? Jump into the pool? Swimming becomes 'the' ultimate summer activity, rain dances in your backyard become a common occurrence and pool parties the social norm; have you noticed that everything suddenly revolves around water?

But for that, you have to get into that swimsuit first. Yes, dipping into that pool with shorts and a tee sucks. This is your golden moment to show off your chiselled body that you worked so hard to maintain. Oh wait, you haven't been? What do you do then? Here's your time to get back into shape. Those boring black one piece swimsuits are so passé, the string bikini has finally made an entrance into India, so bask in them!

Sweat it out, baby!
Granted that there is slim impetus to really push ourselves to work out in this heat. But we live in a tropical country. So we can't possibly not work out for most of the year. Schedule your workout at sunrise or sunset, since it's cooler then. Avoid working out between 10 am and 5 pm at all costs. Use the outdoors this time of the year since come monsoons, and we'll be forced to proceed indoors. Walking, jogging, hill-climbing or cycling are some fun outdoor activities. Allot just 45 minutes a day. Dancing is also a good option, and with Delhi abounding in various types of dance studios, choose what is most appealing to you. If you just can't do without those dumbbells, pick a gym with an AC and you'll be just fine.

Don't give up!
Most of us feel super motivated when we sign up for anything, but get bored or tired within a week. Take pains to stick to your regime. This trick always works for - stick a poster of Cheryl Cole/Angelina/Beyonce on a wall in front of your bed, so that it's the first and last thing you see in the day. Having a constant reminder of your benchmark subconsciously keeps you going. Workout buddies are highly recommended. Get your spouse/friend/sibling to join in with you. That way, when you're not up to it sometimes, he/ she can coax you and vice versa; just make sure that your partner isn't slower than you. Choose someone who's slightly faster/has more stamina than you so that you push yourself a notch higher to keep up.

Dive in
Abhimany Sable, fitness guru, hands out some expert tips. He says, "Take extra precaution to keep yourself constantly hydrated in the summer. We keep losing precious mineral salts and it is really important to replenish those with electrol, glucose or nimboo paani. Keep guzzling water throughout the day. That way, you will also eat less. Keep your meals light and small and let the quantities reduce from breakfast to dinner (lightest). In this humidity, minimise your workout to small bursts, high intensity but short - like a sprint for 20 minutes instead of jogging for 45 and most essentially, change your workout every four weeks. Don't let your body get accustomed to any one type of workout, and you'll see how you steam it up in that bikini."

Grooving at the gym

2011-05-28T23:59:00.000-07:00

If you're in a gym, chances are you'll be pumping iron while listening to music, perhaps even from a DJ! While some experts feel pulsating music can motivate you for a workout, others feel it is a distraction and takes the focus away from exercise. Shelly Mahajan, a fitness freak, hits the gym every day in the morning with groggy eyes, but the music helps her to get into the momentum.

Music is an essential part of a gym and with a growing demand, most gyms these days have live DJ sessions or international music to make the workout a fun session. Nicholas Kraal, business development manager of a fitness firm, says music is a great motivator. "We have a dedicated DJ booth and professional DJs spin music from 6 am to midnight. Equipped with the latest collection of music, our DJs also take music requests and play fun, fast-paced, pumping music to motivate and excite our members during workout sessions," said Kraal.

"Certain classes require specialised music based on beats. Aerobic instructors use music to keep the 32-count (32-beats per minute) or 120 beat per minute. A high impact class can even have anything between 130-140 beats per minute," said Althea Shah, general manager (operations) and fitness expert at a popular gym. "There are aerobic songs for every decade, pretty much from the 1940s through the 1990s. Classes sometimes cater not by age but by musical taste with beach, jazz, hip-hop, Latin, classic rock, country, Broadway, classical, club, and disco aerobic music," he added. Shah also points out that the reception area, spa and changing rooms have soft music playing while the workout area has fast-paced music.

Some people prefer listening to their own collection while gymming and Amit Nigam is one of them — he prefers to bring in his own iPod for a workout. "There are times when you get bored of the same beats or music and if you love a particular music genre, listening to another one can be torturous," he said.

And there are a few who like to watch TV while working out and Kraal says it is a matter of personal choice.

"Watching TV or listening to personal music while working out is a personal choice and we respect that. Some members may find it more motivating to listen to a personal play list while others prefer TV as it helps them to take their mind off the physical exertion," he said. "The iPod can be clipped on to your arm or T-shirt. It is tiny and so can be totally forgotten and you can workout without worrying about your headphones being dragged from your ears every 30 seconds," he added.

But there are some who don't like any distractions while gymming. Personal trainer Aashu, who has been in the profession for over 14 years, prefers to train without music or television and doesn't agree with the 'music motivational' theory. "Listening to music or watching TV is just a way of getting distracted and not giving 100 percent to your workout and this affects results," he said. What happens when you are listening to your favourite music? Half your mind is enjoying it, and the other half is trying to get the posture right — so the focus that one requires in a workout is not there. People believe music motivates them, but does it actually? "Why does one need music to motivate one for a workout? This is a clear indication that they are not enjoying their workout and doing it just for the sake of it. They need to change their workout, not music," he added.

Another fitness expert, Tasneem Zaki, also agrees with Aashu. "I believe when you are doing cardio, it is good to listen to music because it helps to distract attention from the speedometer. But if you are doing weight-training, free-hand exercises or floor exercises, it's always better to switch off the music," he said.

Eating pretty

2011-05-28T23:58:00.000-07:00

Your fridge can rescue you from far more than just mid night hunger pangs. Many swear by the latest hydrating 100 per cent organic under eye fruit pulp extract instead of taking a closer look at what they eat.

Here are a few secrets food kingdom withholds that can help you with your skin and tresses much more than any evergreen forest-containing cosmetic you can splurge on. Don't undermine the dramatic impact underrated fruits and vegetables can have on your struggles with hair loss, patchy skin, dull hair or even pale eyes. Here is a cheat sheet on a food guide to looking good.

Eggs
Not only are these easy quick no-brainers when you're starving, they are also great sources of protein and iron both of which aid strong hair growth. They are also high in sulfur which helps to keep hair soft and smooth. Feel free to eat it any way you please, boiled, fried, baked or directly applied on your hair. You might have to make an effort to get rid of the smell later.

Bananas
The beauty of the banana lies in its ability to keep your skin supple and elastic. The skin loses elasticity as it ages, and the potassium in bananas greatly help restore it. Eat like the monkeys do, or devour it as a split with ice cream, chocolate sauce and nuts.

Red cabbage
Not only is it a fancy looking addition to your salad, this purple cousin of our humble green cabbage is packed with sulfur and iodine. These help in detoxifying the body which has an almost immediate impact on your skin, leaving it with a glow. It's also a great cure for acne.

Guava
Rich in antioxidants, these counteract free radicals that are often accused of skin damage that leaves you looking old. If you don't fancy eating them, just rub a slice over your skin and wash off after a while. Interestingly, it's concentration of Vitamin C beats other citrus fruits. Fantastic eaten fresh, raw and with a squeeze of lime.

Lentils
Beans and legumes are surprising great nourishment for hair. Kidney beans, dals, chick peas form an essential troupe of your hair care package. Plenty proteins help growth while iron, zinc and biotin help keep hair strong and give it a sheen. A bowl or two with your meals a day should suffice.

Beets
Clearly not a very beloved member of the food family, these purple pods contain betaine, a bioactive agent that help break down fat. Their juice contains a form of chlorine that aids digestion. Add a spoon or two of beet juice to your gravy or salad dressing if eating as a whole is too much. Boiled and salted is a simple but delicious version as well.

Spinach
The sailor didn't love it for nothing. The age-old tale of green fruits and vegetables, and they usually mean the commonly found spinach, is good for more than just iron. They are rich in caroteniods, lutein and zeaxanthin which are great for keeping the white of your eyes clear especially if you regularly suffer from eye infections. Spinach is a great accompaniment to meats and can be had as is in the form of salads or a quick fry vegetable with a dash of chilli and garlic.

Citrus fruits
It's a known fact that citrus fruits are a useful source of Vitamin C. Vitamin C works synergistically with sources of Iron to allow better absorption of Iron and plays a huge part in the creation of collagen, an essential component of hair growth.

Tomatoes can save you from high cholesterol

2011-05-28T23:57:00.001-07:00

Want to be free of high cholesterol and blood pressure (BP)? Tomatoes can be a way out for you!

Tomatoes may be an effective alternative to drugs in lowering cholesterol and BP and in preventing heart disease.

A bright red pigment called lycopene found in tomatoes and to a lesser extent in watermelon, guava, papaya and pink grapefruit has antioxidant properties that are vital to good health.

Karin Ried and her colleague Peter Fakler from the University of Adelaide are the first to summarise the effect of lycopene on cholesterol and blood pressure (BP), analysing the collective results of 14 studies over the last 55 years.

"Our study suggests that if more than 25 milligrams of lycopene is taken daily, it can reduce LPD (bad) cholesterol by up to 10 per cent," says Ried, reports the journal Maturitas.

Tomatoes have high levels of lycopene, with half a litre of tomato juice taken daily, or 50 grams of tomato paste, providing protection against heart disease, according to an Adelaide statement.

"That's comparable to the effect of low doses of medication commonly prescribed for people with slightly elevated cholesterol, but without the side effects of these drugs, which can include muscle pain and weakness and nerve damage," says Ried.

Lycopene is better absorbed in processed and cooked tomatoes or tomato paste rather than fresh tomatoes. As a supplement, lycopene is available in soft gelatine capsules or tablets.

"Research shows that high lycopene consumption has been associated with a decreased risk of cardiovascular disease, including hardened arteries, heart attacks and strokes," she adds.

First kiss matters more than losing virginity

2011-05-28T23:53:00.000-07:00

Be it behind the bike sheds or at the school disco, you are more likely to remember your first romantic kiss with your partner than even loosing your virginity.

Scientists have claimed that most of us can recall 90 per cent of the details of the experience—a memory more vivid than losing their virginity, reports the Daily Mail .

But, the art is so complex that scientist Sheril Kirshenbaum has written a book about it.

In 'The Science of Kissing: What Our Lips Are Telling Us', Kirshenbaum writes that men see kissing "as a means to an end" and possibly with a "view to swapping other bodily fluids later",

Women try to "extricate the significance of a relationship based on a single kiss and often that leads to miscommunication."

Men are more aggressive kissers, as they are trying to pass on a "testosterone bomb" to a lover.

However, testosterone passed on during sessions of smaller but frequent kisses stays in the body longer, and can push a woman to falling in love more quickly.

The author, a researcher at the University of Texas, measured the magnetic current in brains of men and women in response to images of people kissing.

Perfect girlfriend has a big sex drive!

2011-05-28T23:52:00.000-07:00

Men believe that the perfect girlfriend is the one who has a high sex drive, enjoys a hearty meal and gets ready to go out in 10 minutes.

Apart from this, the perfect girlfriend is a career-minded woman who earns more than their partner but at the same time wants to stay at home and bring up the children.

The clue to these seemingly contradictory demands lies in the men polled, 3,000 bachelors.

Near the top of their girlfriend checklist is the requirement that she should have a "pert bottom" – which may explain why they are still single.

And while three-quarters of the men polled said their ideal woman would keep her weight in check, 89 per cent also wanted her to tuck into a big meal without worrying. These perfect ladies will have luscious long hair, be skinny and trim and confident enough to go out without make-up.

"While many women might find these standards hard to live up to, six in 10 men firmly believe their perfect girlfriend is out there somewhere. However, there are a few contradictions which might make it hard for them to get their ideal date," the Daily Express quoted Nicole Clowes, spokeswoman for UKDating , which carried out the poll, as saying.

"There aren't many women who can tuck into a mountain of food every day and stay skinny. And there is some confusion about whether men would like to date a high earner or someone who stays at home with the children."

The ability to hold an intelligent conversation isn't a big concern for men – 61 per cent prefer someone who likes a laugh and a joke.

Things to do before finding your man

2011-05-28T23:51:00.000-07:00

Madhuri Banerjee, author of the book Losing My Virginity and Other Dumb Ideas, lists the top 10 things a girl should do before she finds a man

Date blindly
Go on an online dating site and register yourself. Blind dates are fun. They are a great reminder to why you waited. You don't need to lose your virginity to any of those men. Ask your friends to fix you up with people. The more you're out there with different folks, the more your confidence increases. When the time comes to lose your virginity, you will know it is for the right reason with the right man. Invest in variety and choose wisely.

Travel wisely
Be it alone or with your girlfriends, travel to a place you've never been to, but always desired to visit. Let the place be tourist friendly, safe, and filled with men who can speak your language and find you `exotic'. There's nothing like a foreign man who has a crush on you to make you feel divine. A good book or the photos, which you've taken, will make for good conversation starters.

Fall madly
Try an adventure sport like bungee jumping or river rafting. The scare and the confidence later will help when it's time to lose your virginity. Nothing could be that bad, that exhilarating, or that memorable. The big moment becomes a piece of cake!

Shop profusely
Don't go off and buy things that you "need" and things that are "useful" like towels and soap dispensers. You need to go shopping for that sexy lingerie, satin nighties, plunging dresses, and high heels. To get into the correct mood, you need to feel it. Every day. Wear the lingerie at night, even if you have no one in your life. Strut around in your dresses and heels in the day. You need to feel sexy. Once you know you're in the groove, things will be effortless.

House sensibly
You need to stay with a roommate or alone. You need to come home to a painting you bought and hung up, to a cook who has made food that you craved for and not to a mother who asks how your day was. While parents are perfectly fine as caregivers, they're not going to approve of you losing your virginity. Moreover, if you plan to do it in their house, it becomes even shadier. Is that what you really want to remember, because you will remember it! Advice: If you build it, it will happen.

Converse sexily
Memorising the morning papers, surfing the net for quantum physics and speaking the language of the geek is not going to help. While you might love to be an intellectual person, understand the nuances of the superficial topics as well. Conversation might not always be about nano technology and you need to be prepared for a lighter question like "Were you scared while watching Ragini MMS?" Instead of "Is Apple finlly ending the dominance of Microsoft ?"

Be hygeinic regularly
Get your teeth done. Check for fresh breath. Most of the time, people forget basic things in life. If you smoke, or do not floss regularly, it is best to get your teeth a makeover. Shiny white teeth are a turn on. Bathing regularly and wearing fresh clothes are 'bare' necessities.

Turn on body language
Stand up straight, tummy in, feel taller. If you're going to slouch and run around looking sweaty, you're not going to get laid anytime soon. Learn how to make eye contact, toss your hair, twirl the curls, perfect the softest smile, and cross your legs demurely. Now not all this will probably lead to the exact moment, but if you're interested in a person, it might help in the future.

Gaze besottedly
Learn to switch off from alternative lives (read: social networks) and have meaningful conversations with the person in front of you. If you don't know how to laugh at another person's joke without looking at your mobile, or secretly pray the evening will end so you can upload the photo of yourself on Facebook, you are in serious trouble. It is the age of technology but a human being in front of you who is interested in you is a rare find. That person has taken time out to spend it with you and if both of you are on a mobile, it would be better if you went home and "bbm'd" him. Harvard psychologist Zick Rubin began recording the amount of time lovers spent staring at each other and discovered that those deeply in love look at each other 75 per cent of the time when talking and are slower to look away when someone else intrudes. Learning to look at someone instead of being distracted helps in connecting with another person. Tweet another day!

Speak positively
You need to be a positive person first. Look at life with rose-tinted glasses instead of those sharp, hornrimmed, sceptical ones. Stop being critical, gossipy and cantankerous. Instead, be more bright, bubbly and cheerful. Being a whiner about your stress issues is not going to help bring in the man or get him turned on. People like being around happy people. Positive is sexy.

Safety on the field

2011-05-28T23:50:00.000-07:00

The benefits of sports are many and undeniable but then, one can sustain injuries while practising a sport. Injuries can be serious and even fatal at times. So, just follow these basic rules to safeguard your child from these risks.

Get a check-up done:
Before your kid starts to play games, get a thorough check-up done. Make sure that your child does not suffer from any ailment like asthma or osteoporosis. And if he/she does, then it should be controlled and only then should they be sent to the field.

Sports gear:
Getting the right equipment is essential. It is important that you get proper sports kits and safety gears. Pads and shoes should be of the exact size. Regularly check the sports gear for any wear and tear, and if there is any, replace or mend it. If your child is a swimmer or plays a sport that exposes them to sunlight, then a sunblock or a sunscreen should be applied to protect them from sunburns.

Keep Them hydrated:
Sports make children susceptible to heatstrokes and dehydration. So, it is necessary that kids consume an adequate amount of water. They can also have energy drinks and juices.

The right place to play:
Check whether the place where your kids are going to play is appropriate for that sport or not. The field should be devoid of any potholes and should also be hygienic.

Supervision:
Check whether there is a coach to supervise the kids or not. Better still if the person knows a little about first aid and CPR.

Birds of feather:
Your kids should play with children in their own age group. This will help decrease accidents and also keep them safe from getting bullied by seniors.

Be lady-like to succeed at work

2011-05-28T23:49:00.001-07:00

Here's a suggestion for women who want to succeed at work – try resisting the temptation to act like men, suggest researchers.

Their studies show that women who take an aggressive approach are often less likely to get ahead than those who exhibit more feminine traits.

If however, they try to conform, promotion comes their way, the research from George Mason University in Virginia found.

The findings, which will dismay feminists, suggest the best way for a woman to succeed in a man's world is to act like a lady, reports the Daily Mail .

They tally with past research that showed women oozing with self-confidence, assertiveness and other characteristics linked with successful management can be side-lined at work in favour of meeker types.

It is thought that while such traits are highly-prized in men, go-getting women are penalised for not being feminine enough and are seen as less likeable.

The study appears in a journal published by the British Psychological Society .

Dogs can recognize their owners' faces

2011-05-28T23:48:00.001-07:00

A new study has shown that dogs rely on seeing their owners' faces in order to recognise them.

The researchers also measured how much dogs prefer to gaze at and follow their owners, rather than a stranger.

The team described how dogs had difficultly recognising their human "best friend" when the person had their face covered.

The study sheds more light on how thousands of years of domestication have affected the behaviour of canines.

Paolo Mongillo from the University of Padua said that, although many researchers have studied how dogs interact with humans, no one had yet investigated how the animals focused on one person in preference to another - or just how much companion dogs "prefer" their owners.

"We had the dog in an empty room and we instructed the owner and another person - someone unfamiliar to the dog - to walk across the room several times," the BBC quoted Mongillo, lead author of the study as saying.

"The people walked in opposite directions, so they crossed many times in front of the dog and we measured how long the dog looked at one person versus another," he said.

The research team then instructed the two people to leave the room via two different doors and allowed the dog to approach one of the doors.

"Most of the dogs gazed at their owners for most of the time and then chose to wait by the owner's door," said Mongillo.

In the second part of the study, the scientists asked the people to cover their faces; the human volunteers then walked across the room with bags over their heads.

During this phase of the experiment, the dogs were much less attentive to their owners. This revealed just how much the animals relied on human faces for recognition.

Wild dogs rely on body signals and on cues from other animals in their social groups, but studies including this one suggest that domestic dogs are so attuned to human social groups that they are even able to recognise some human facial expressions.

"This is very likely to be a by-product of thousands of years of domestication," said Mongillo.
In the same study, the team investigated the effects of ageing on the dogs' attention.

They found that "aged" dogs - seven years and older - were less able to focus on their owner and also were less likely to choose the owner's door.

The findings appeared in the journal Animal Behaviour.

Why Alpha men keep on having affairs?

2011-05-28T23:46:00.001-07:00

Why are today's men having an affair at the back of their wives, fiancee or girlfriends?

According to one of the world's best-selling psychologists, powerful men have higher than average levels of testosterone, which they seek to 'top up' when their reserves become depleted. One way they do that is to have an affair

Dr John Gray, who has sold 50 million copies of 'Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus', has claimed that the gulfs in understanding that divide men from women are being exacerbated by hormones, which are working against people achieving monogamy in a stressful world.

"Why are the sexes not getting along? It's just that people have new needs and they don't know what to do about them; they want passion but don't know how to sustain it," the Guardian quoted him as telling the Observer.

According to Gray, recent scandals show high-fliers use flings to top up on testosterone.

He said long-term relationships generate oxytocin, dubbed the 'love hormone', which encourages bonding between couples and helps to lower female stress levels. But that benefit comes at a price for alpha male partners.

"With oxytocin and alpha men, as the women's stress level goes down when she gets oxytocin from a loving monogamous relationship, the man's testosterone level is going down, so he's getting more stressed and more inclined to seek out risky behaviour to push it back up again. The concept is that intimacy can lower a man's sexual drive," he added.

He believes that is why men are driven to risky affairs, and why women will no longer tolerate it.

Flirt, but don't be sexually offensive

2011-05-28T23:43:00.001-07:00

There's a big difference between being flirtatious and being sexually offensive. Our experts explore that distinction and tell you where to draw that line.

France's top presidential candidate and head of the International Monetary Fund, Dominique Strauss-Kahn infamously headlined global news as he was arrested on charges of attacking and attempting to rape a New York hotel maid. While the verdict is still out on whether Kahn is a sexual predator or a victim of dirty politics, the incident has thrown up discussions on whether some people just can't tell if something is merely flirtatious or downright offensive. Our experts negotiate the line that divides the two.

Flirting involves teasing by speaking or behaving in a playful way that suggests more intimacy than is. Since usually both parties enjoy the attention, generous compliments fly around and nothing seems offensive.

However, it's not unusual to hear of playful banter getting replaced by a strong sense of power play or the desire to exercise control over another. This is where decorum is lost and the act becomes sexually offensive. People engage in consensual flirting as helps boost one's self esteem. Sexual harassment, on the other hand, is a degrading.

Walking the line
Psychiatrist Dr Harish Shetty says a good way to identify a potential assaulter is to keep a look out for some key indicators. He will tend to use a lot of suggestive language and pass remarks loaded with sexual double entendres. "The trick is to see through them as early as you can. At times, people mask their intentions with subtle patronising behaviour and frequently make excuses to meet up. Lines like — 'My wife/girlfriend is so boring, it is such fun talking to you' or 'Let me drop you home' or 'I'll always be there for you' — smack of typical patronising moves that one should be wary of. Unlike flirting, these talks are usually coupled with inappropriate body language such as excessive touching that buzzes with signs of trouble," Shetty explains. The playful touching that accompanies flirting is also a far cry from the indecent touching that occurs, leaving the victim violated.

Men and women in positions of power are most likely to slip due to impulsiveness or a momentary lapse of reason, Shetty adds. Former Punjab Police chief K P S Gill's misbehaviour episode is a case in point. Shetty attributes Gill's folly to his error in judgement. In a 1988 party, Gill landed in trouble by 'patting the posterior' of senior IAS officer Rupan Deol. Eventually, the Supreme Court penalised Gill and upheld his conviction of being put on one year probation.

Shetty says in instances of higherups sexually harassing a subordinate or someone below them — as is purported in Kahn's case — a sense of omnipotence and power is at play. "The mindset of such a person is of him or her being the boss and capitalising on the easy accessibility of the victim, who may not complain or make a racket over it."

Office antics
In an office space, sexual harassment could range from objectionable references to body parts and clothing to even a stray compliment, says Human Resources consultant Shishir Dave. "Harmless banter among colleagues is fine. But flirting becomes one on one instantly acquires a sexual overtone making it unacceptable in an office space. A certain unsaid, professional decorum is expected in offices."

Often people blurt out crude remarks impulsively without realising their implications. This is when HR personnel try and sensitise employees. Continuous bad behaviour usually has them transfered out. "But if they are incorrigible, they will be served with a memo and if there is physical abuse involved, they will be shown the door. In call centres, where most of the employees are young and fresh out of college, we make it a point to draw a line straightaway as the general attitude is very nonchalant and laidback. We tell them that the boss will be friendly to them but will not be their friend."

So the best way to keep out of crossing the line would be to read the person you are flirting with and taking a no for a no. After all, flirting is best when intimacy is kept at a safe distance.

Is your woman faking it in bed?

2011-05-14T19:20:00.000-07:00

Dr Suman Bijlani lists women's common sexual concerns and what they mean for men

Wonder why your wife/girlfriend seems "off sex" of late? Why does she complain of a headache just when you are in the mood? Fact is, as with men, sex is a big issue for women too. Only, due to conditioning or lack of awareness, most women don't articulate them.

Generally, women realise they have sexual problems only when:
» It affects their relationship
» Their partner starts complaining
» When they are depressed
» When they themselves get involved in an extra-marital affair.

Also, the nature of problems differs slightly with age.

Younger women:
Sexual problems relate more to body image issues and 'performance anxiety'. Especially if they feel sex is the only way they can hold on to their relationship.

Older women:
Sex boils down to a chore or duty after years of marriage/relationship. It then manifests in pains, aches, lack of orgasm and other physical symptoms.

The bottomline:
Don't blame your dull sex life on her PMS or mood swings. Gynaecologist Dr Suman Bijlani of Gyneguide tells you how to read between the lines.

Problem: Lack of interest
Message: Foreplay continues throughout the day
A woman wants her man to make her feel special throughout the day. This sets up her mood for the special night. In a marriage, being interested in the house or taking care of the children is important. Conflicts with kids affects her relationship with her husband.
Hence make that special effort to show you care — through messages, gifts, a special outing etc.

Problem: Poor body image
Message: I want to feel beautiful when I'm with you
A woman might shy away from intercourse due to poor body image — a result of low self-esteem. If her partner nags her about her lack of perfection, it can affect her sexual confidence. It's foolhardy to say things like 'your hips are too wide' or 'breasts are too small' and later expect her to perform in bed. For a woman, the only solution is to work on herself as a person. Men get attracted by a woman's confidence.

Problem: Faking it
Message: Orgasm isn't everything
Men tend to focus only on orgasm, but often for a woman, great foreplay is enough. Hence, ensure she is happy with the quality of sex. If she fakes an orgasm, it means she isn't satisfied and doesn't trust you enough to tell you. Such a behaviour points to chinks in the relationship, hence work on them first.

Problem: Frequency issues
Message: I am no sex machine
Some men want sex every day, but with women, many other factors need to be in place. There is no ideal time or frequency for sex,but if the frequency of desire is very disparate, seek help. If a woman is stressed or has resentments towards her man, it reflects in lack of interest in sex.

Problem: Pain during sex
Message: Be considerate in bed
A common problem, painful intercourse can result from vaginal infection or if the partner is very aggressive. Pain is of two types. Superficial pain: which occurs at the time of insertion. Or deep pain: that's usually pathological or due to endometriosis or infections. This needs to be taken seriously. Using a lubricant or increasing foreplay can help.

Problem: Body odour
Message: Please be pleasant
Both men and women can suffer from fungal infections, tinea infection and similar problems that lead to body odour. To stimulate a woman's interest in sex, it is essential that the man maintains a pleasant personality and smells good as well. Taking the point further, he should make an effort to look good for his woman. It leads to a better response in bed.

Problem: Fear of pregnancy
Message: Take care of protection
It's often the fear of pregnancy that makes women shy away from sex. For good sex, it's important for both partners to be equally aware and responsible for contraception.

Why having 'sex' is a healthy habit

2011-05-14T19:19:00.001-07:00

If you thought the only benefit of sex was, well, pleasure, here's some news for you.

Making love is good for adults. And making love regularly is even better! Not only does it help you sleep well, relieve stress and burn calories, there are several other reasons why you need to have sex more often.

Improves cardiovascular health
A recent study says that men who have sex more than twice a week, had a lesser risk of getting a heart attack than men who had sex less than once a month.

Relieves pain
If you're using your headache as an excuse not to make love, stop doing it. Just when you're about to orgasm, the level of oxytocin, a hormone increases by five times. The release of endorphins reduces aches and pains.

Increases immunity
Regular love making increases the body's level of the immune-boosting antibody immunoglobulin A (IgA), which will make your body stronger against illnesses like the common cold and fever.

Reduces stress
Stressed out with work or family problems? Don't let it affect your performance in the bedroom. Not only will having sex improve your mood, but a study has proved that folks who indulge in regular bedroom activities can handle stress better and are happier people generally.

Promotes longevity
When one has an orgasm, a hormone called Dehydroepiandrosterone is released, which improves your immunity and repairs tissue and keeps the skin healthy. Men who have at least two orgasms a week have live longer than men who have sex just once every few weeks.

Increases blood circulation
Because your heart rate increases when you're having sex, fresh blood is supplied to your organs and cells. While used blood is removed, you also discard things from your body that cause you to feel tired.

You sleep better
Notice that just after you make love, the sleep you get thereafter is much more relaxed. Getting a good night's sleep will make you feel alert and healthy overall.

Improves overall fitness
If you find going to the gym mundane or working out at home a task, here's another way to help you lose the flab and keep in shape. Regular sex will do wonders for your waistline. Half an hour of love making burns more than 80 calories.

Increases your levels of estrogen and testosterone
In men, testosterone is what makes you more passionate in the sack. Not only will it make you feel way better in bed, but it is also known to improve your muscles and bones, keeps your heart healthy and a check on your cholesterol. Estrogen in women protects them against heart disease and also determines a woman's body scent.

The fade away breakup syndrome

2011-05-14T19:18:00.001-07:00

Arushi and her husband Amar were the couple that everyone envied. A whirlwind dating period that lasted five years, followed by an idyllic wedding, the couple seemed to have all the pieces of the puzzle in the right place.

So, when the word got around that they were getting divorced, their friends were naturally shocked. Upon further probing, the couple reluctantly revealed that they were just not up to staying together anymore. They were fading away.

Arushi and Amar are not the only ones. A lot of couples these days are falling prey to the 'fade away break-up syndrome', which dating experts are calling the safest break-up strategy! Typically, a fade away break-up happens when one or both parties in a relationship stop responding to each other in due course. And contrary to popular belief, this sort of break-up is not confined to short-term relationships — it can happen to couples who have been going out for a significant number of years too!

For Mahati N, a software professional, a fade away break-up is not a new concept. "I didn't know it was called that back then, but this is exactly how my first relationship ended," she reveals. "Nishith and I were going steady, at least in my opinion, until eventually one day, the calls stopped. After a lot of pain, I came to accept the fact that it was over," she wistfully adds.

Talking about fade away break-ups and relationship woes, in general, Dev Sharma, a media professional, has some interesting insights to offer. "Relationships fade because people don't want to work hard on anything these days or be responsible for anything that's failed. You meet someone, hang out a couple of times, text each other — that's what it takes to begin a relationship. But preserving it is not as easy. Not talking about the way you feel is the easiest escape."

Deepthi Nair, a copywriter, agrees. "I think it is a good way to break up," she says, "But then, I think it has to be mutual between the partners. Otherwise, just disappearing can be disconcerting. Breaking up can be devastating and especially in long-term relationships, a fade away can make it seem less painful."

However Poornima Murali, a communication graduate, chooses to take a more optimistic approach. "Of course, it is easy for two people to eventually drift apart, for any number of reasons. However, if both the people in the relationship are committed and they want it to work, then they can make it happen, no matter what the circumstance is," says she.

Communication is the key to a successful relationship. "It is very important to communicate, especially to dilute differences," says Dr Prabhakaran, a marriage therapist and psychologist. "A couple should ideally communicate for at least 30 minutes a day — not to blame each other, but to find a solution to their problems," he advises.

Turn a hobby into serious business

2011-05-14T19:17:00.000-07:00

Vacations aren't always boring. Your hobbies could make you money while you're at it finds Shruti Bhiwandiwala

With no more schools or colleges to attend, youngsters befuddled about all the free time they have. However, youngsters everywhere have finally found a way to share their talent with the rest and still enjoying themselves while keeping busy.

Over the years, there is a fresh crop of entrepreneurs converting their hobbies into small scale businesses. No specific marketing strategy to follow: spread the word throug friends and family or even put up a page on Facebook and you're set. From papier maché pen-stands to coming up with sumptuous concoctions, the youth of today has found a way to make a profit out of their interests.

Chocolates and cakes
A hobby that usually stems from attending a workshop or two, there has been a noticeable boom in chocolate connoisseurs and cake makers. Pooja Devpuria (22) of Kesar's, has been selling customised cakes everyday for the last five years. After attending a baking workshop, Pooja developed the hobby, which eventually turned into a business. The same goes for Esha Arya (18), who runs Mellow Dew Chocolates from the comfort of her home. Esha, who began Mellow Dew in 2009, has been successful in selling gourmet chocolates all over the city, while still keeping up with her college. She has experimented with countless queer flavours, and it is only through the process of trial and error that Esha succeeds in making something different, which actually tastes amazing. "We've sold some unique flavours like honey-chilli, ginger and gulkand. Ginger's been a constant favourite while gulkand usually only sells during Diwali."

"We try to price the chocolates in such a way that anyone from students to seasoned professionals can purchase them easily," she adds.

Jewellery making
Handmade jewellery from precious stones and metal is a fastbooming business, and with a few required skills it is easy to be good at. Wire jewellery, thread necklaces, intricate and heavy jewellery, beaded pieces, eccentric handmade brooches and exclusive rings are sported by many a fans. Keeping in mind details such as vivid colours, varying bead shapes, intricacy and finishing, young designers are looking to their peer groups and family, experimenting, while finally defining their style along the way. Sweli Shah (20), who specialises in diamond jewellery and works with her father, started out with a background in designing.

She says, "I was interested in the whole process of jewellery-making and was fascinated with the final results. Today my work sells for anything between Rs 10,000 to 1 lakh". With readymade jewellery on sale in stores, there is no available option of customising it to your preference, which is not the case with handmade jewellery. Like all order-based businesses, the customer gets to choose her style, fitting in with her personality.

Accessory painting
Those with a flair for art and a steady hand are coming up with designs to splash across canvas shoes and sneakers. Brother-sister duo Zainali (24) and Azra Jetha (20) of Alpha Cube, are shoe artists working on custom orders. What started as a simple way to brighten their old tennis shoes in 2008 is now a prosperous business. Talking of how they began, Zainali says, "We've always been inclined towards painting and arts.

When we redid our shoes, our friends took notice and the word spread. Our shoes grew popular and eventually orders started coming in."

Customers tend to ask for cartoons designs, tribal prints or even graffiti on their shoes or bags. Personalised shoes and bags by this duo begin at Rs 2,500. "We ask the clients for a reference of what they want and personalise it for them. We have designedshoes for kids of all age groups." There are endless possibilities when it comes to shoe art and with a long list of clientele come an even longer list of demands. T-shirts with graffiti and/ or interesting caricatures sell like hotcakes; the brighter the better.

Stationery making
Stationery producers are growing in number as well. Merchandise stores stock up on expensive stationery but these self-made sellers ask for less while giving a whole lot more. Damini Kulkarni (18) specialises in a decorative technique known as 'quilling', which uses rolls of thin and tiny paper to create shapes and designs. "I remember watching my friend. The fascination led me to eventually learn quilling", says Damini, who has been selling handmade paper artifacts since 2009. She adds her unique touch to bookmarks, greeting cards wall hangings and envelopes for as less as Rs 15 to Rs 100.

Final word
These are just a few examples of the kind of hobbies that are helping make money for growing entrepreneurs. It's not that hard to convert an interest into a business; all it takes is a few final touches and quality products.

What better way to earn your way through something you actually enjoy?