Rise of the Tablog

The scenario I mentioned above is a common one facing people who are thrust into a leadership role.  It goes deeper than the old saying “power corrupts”, rather, the power builds weakness in the one who wields it… unless you know what to watch out for, and stay vigilant to make sure you don’t fall into the same trap.

The problem that I fell into was this:

I relied on my position to force compliance, instead of using my relationship to inspire respect.

In doing so, I bred weakness within myself, coming to rely on an external position instead of my own internal strength and relationships.  By forcing people to follow, instead of being the type of person that they wanted to follow, I dramatically decreased my effectiveness as a leader.  There are several techniques you can use to keep your focus on the relationship, instead of on compliance.

2 Ways to Keep Focus on the Relationship

1. Don’t Take it Personally

Oftentimes, as a leader, we take dissent as an affront to our authority or character… we take it personally.  This can cause us to focus on “proving ourselves” or “putting them in their place”, which detracts from the relationship.  Instead, when you get dissent, dissassociate the dissenters behavior from yourself, and ask yourself why they’re feeling and acting the way they are.  From there, you can solve the problem in a way that will affirm the dissenter.

2. Remember the Emotional Bank Account

Sometimes, we rely on our position simply because it seems like too much work to reach out to a person, after all, it’s faster just to tell them what to do.  In situations like these, it can help to remember that every time you borrow power from your position, you’re making a withdrawal from the emotional bank account (Credit Stephen Covey).  It may be faster to do it that way, but do it consistently and one day you’re gonna get an overdraft charge, in the form of small or large acts of mutiny.

What Now?

Are you in a leadership position right now, formally or informally? Can you think of a recent situation where you borrowed power from your position instead of the relationship?  Make a commitment right now to use the techniques mentioned above to become a better leader, and start by apologizing for the mistake you made.  Be sure to let me know how it turns out in the comments!

Cheers,

Matt

What’s Your Mission Statement?

I am my own final authority. All my choices and actions are based on my own logic, instinct, and feelings.

I will continually challenge myself and expand my abilities to meet my challenges.

I will follow my dreams, I will take action on them, and I will do what it takes to see them through.

I will admire both excellence and courage, in myself and others.

I will strive to never lose my childlike wonder.

I will accept responsibility for myself and my actions. I will step up to meet challenges and do what is required.

I will take time to Enjoy life, appreciate the little things, and relax.

I will accept the present moment, when action is required, I will not question myself.

I will strive to be extraordinary, I will not settle for ordinary.

I will cultivate Joy, and spread it wherever I go.

I will look at myself as a role model, and accept that every action I take will have an impact on every person I meet.

I will accept others for who they are, I will recognize their core.

I will treat every action as an expression of my inner core.

When facing temptation, I will look to my values.

Why Create a Mission Statement?

It seems silly to verbalize your core into a written statement… after all, you can express your core better than any words can.  However, there are several benefits that come just from creating and writing a mission statement, and several more benefits that come from having a mission statement.

Benefits of Writing a Mission Statement

The great thing about writing a mission statement is that it provides you an opportunity to critically examine your innermost beliefs.  Are your emotions, thoughts, and conscience in sync?  Do you have any learned beliefs that are at odds with your deeper values and feelings?  Do you even know what your beliefs are?

The writing of the mission statement gives you a chance to examine all these questions,  and more.  It gives clarity to your direction and purpose in life, and congruency to your actions.

Benefits of Having a Mission Statement

The mission statement is an expression of your innermost values and desires.  When you’re at your highest state, you really don’t have to think about these values, they’re apparent in everything you do, they’re your default response.  However, the problem I have, and I think most people have, is that we’re not ALWAYS in our highest state.  We have bad days, we get inside our head, we act out inneffective scripts learned in our childhood, which aren’t congruent with our deepest values.

And often, because we’re coming from a lower place in ourselves,  we don’t even REALIZE that we’re doing anything wrong. We feel justified in yelling at loved ones, because at that moment we feel they deserve it.  We think it’s ok to procrastinate, because we worked really hard yesterday.  We think it’s ok to lie for our own gain, because in that moment it seems there’s no other option.  We rationalize, justify, and deceive ourselves into believing our own bullshit… we simply don’t have that higher frame of reference to see the truth.

But what if we had a stand-in for that higher frame of reference.  What if we had a set of rules that allowed us to ACT from that higher frame of reference, even if we weren’t currently seeing things from that perspective?  That’s what the mission statement does.  It’s a set of rule or guidelines for our actions, that allow us to approximate our actions and decisions when in that higher state. Furthermore, you’ll find that simply by acting in accordance with your highest values, even if initially in a lower state, you’ll be moved into that higher state.

How do I Write a Mission Statement?

Creating an initial rough draft of a mission statement can be completed in a matter of minutes, or may take several weeks to get to a satisfactory point… it all depends on how self aware you are.  The process of writing a mission statement is a process of self discovery, of expanding self awareness.  The first resource I’d recommend to aid you in this process is the free Covey Mission Statement Builder, it includes a number of questions and scenarios to creatively “jog your conscience”, getting to your deepest values by asking questions which force you to consider them.  It’s a great tool to come up with a very rough idea of where you’re headed with your mission statement.

Next, I’d recommend  take some aptitude and personality tests, to get a better idea of your natural strengths and weaknesses.  These include tests such as the Myer-Briggs Personality Test, the Strengthsfinder 2.0 Test, or the FIRO B Relational Assesment (free online test code available in This Book).  It can also be helpful to talk to friends and family about their assessment of your strengths and weaknesses… but don’t ask if you can’t take honest answers.

It may also be helpful to look at books centered around career placement or finding your purpose… I haven’t gotten a chance to look at any of these so I can’t make any recommendations (but let me know in the comments if you have any suggestions!).It can also help to take a look at your own choices and decisions, and ask yourself WHY you made these decisions.  Often deeper values can be at play.  Look especially at those decisions you made when you’re in that “highest state” mentioned earlier.

Note that your mission statement does not have to be constructed like mine is.  It can be a paragraph like this mission statement, a list of foundational values like Ben Franklin’s mission statement, a song or poem, or anything else.

The mission statement is not something that you ever finish writing.  It’s a constant process of finding better ways to express your values, as well as updating as you get more life experience and your values change.  It’s a living document that changes as you do.

What Now?

Creating a mission statement is one of the biggest things you can do to enhance your personal effectiveness on a macro level.  If you don’t have one, creating one should be among your top priorities.  I’ve given you the tools and know how to write one of your own, so go do it! Then, set a Daily Renewal Habit to read over it every morning

Once you’ve written it, go ahead and post it in the comments, I’ll be really interested to see what you guys (and gals) come up with.

Cheers,

Matt

Why “Nightly Letting Go”

I’m still looking for a better and more grammatically correct name for it, but it gets the idea across well enough.  Sometimes at night I’m tired, I honestly don’t want to spend the time going through a “nightly routine” or even worry about “getting ready for bed”.  However, letting go, that’s something I’m really interested in every night.  By labeling these habits for what they are, I create a sense of purpose and relief when enacting the habits, instead of a sense of monotony, annoyance, or dread.

What Are Your Nightly Letting Go Habits?

My Nightly Letting Go habits (and subsequent tuit rewards) are as follows:

• Brush Teeth (2 Tuits)
• Apply Acne Med (2 Tuits)
• Take Sleeping Meds (2 Tuits)
• Tidy Room (3 Tuits)
• Nightly Review and Planning (4 Tuits)
• Set Alarm Clocks (4 Tuits)
• Read Good Book (4 Tuits)

Why These Habits?

These habits are all habits which allow me to be rid, mentally, physically, and emotionally, all the baggage of the day, and prepare for what’s to come tomorrow.  I make sure that all the habits are relaxing and nothing wakes me up or causes me to be more alert.

Why Write Them Down?

Just as with Daily Renewal habits, it seems silly to record and reward myself for habits which I’m going to be performingg anyway.  However, while many people may not have trouble keeping a nightly routine, I do.  I find it incredibly hard to stick to a set routine before I go to bed, and instead feel like changing it based on how my day went, how tired I am, what I remember to do, and other factors.  While this is to some extent a good thing, I also think it is vital to have a core routine of habits I perform EVERY night, to keep a sense of consistency and stay healthy and on track.  Only once I have that core group that I always perform can I start to custom tailor my routine based on my day.

In addition, by codifying the habits that allow me to let go of my stress, and focus on what’s to come,  I can use them at other times than just at night.  I have found reading a good book and review/planning to be especially helpful in this regard.

What Now?

Have I convinced you that adding your nightly letting go habits to your todo-list is a worthwhile thing to do?  If so, then don’t leave this blog without doing something about it!  Think about the actions you take every night to help yourself let go , and write them out on a nightly letting go checklist.

Have your own nightly letting go habits? Let me know in the comments.

]]> http://lifeofmatt.net/blog/2009/09/your-nightly-letting-go/feed/ 21 http://lifeofmatt.net/blog/2009/09/your-nightly-letting-go/ http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/LifeOfMatt/~3/hTwkB4mofxo/ http://lifeofmatt.net/blog/2009/09/your-daily-renewal/#comments Wed, 02 Sep 2009 20:58:03 +0000 Matt http://lifeofmatt.net/blog/?p=654 Every morning I enact a set of habits I like to call “Daily Renewal”.  They’re a set of habits which get me refreshed, motivated, and ready to face my day.

Why “Daily Renewal”?

I don’t call it my “morning routine” or “daily habits” because frankly I don’t get inspired by either of these things. Labels fundamentally change the way we think about and interact with the things we label; having morning habits I label as “daily renewal” makes me excited every morning to enact them.  They’re all habits which in different ways allow me to feel as if I’m starting anew, leaving the past behind me

What Are Your Daily Renewal Habits?

My daily renewal habits (and subsequent tuit rewards) are as follows:

• Shower (2 Tuits)
• Brush Teeth (2 Tuits)
• Floss (2 Tuits)
• Deodorant (2 Tuits)
• Shave (3 Tuits)
• Apply Acne Medicine (2 Tuits)
• Read Over Goals and Envision Success (4 Tuits)

Why These Habits?

All of these habits in some way renew my body and spirit.  Showering and shaving I’ve found to be particularly important to feel renewed in the morning, literally and figuratively washing and cutting away the remnants of yesterday.  After getting rid of yesterday, I then look over my goals and begin to look forward, to today.  Some daily renewal habits I would like to add would be eating breakfast, stretching, biking, and listening to some sort of upbeat music.

Why Codify Them? Why Write Them Down?

It seems almost superfluous to write down that I should brush my teeth every morning, isn’t it something I already do anyway?  There are four reasons that I codify my daily renewal habits, and reward myself for them (through the use of tuits).  The first reason is to give myself credit where credit is do.  Oftentimes, I can get down on myself for not completing a task or not working as hard as I could.  However, the truth is, as long as I’m still here, still acting, I have something to be proud of.  By checking off these items from my todo-list, and giving myself tuits for their completion, I’m acknowledging that fact.

The second reason I keep track of these habits is to use them as an early warning system.  Oftentimes, when starting to get off track, these simple little daily renewal habits are the first to go.  If not keeping track and checking them off every single day, it’s easy to stop flossing or looking at my goals every day and not even realize it.  By keeping track, it’s easy to see when I’m slipping, and take the appropriate steps to get back on track.

The third reason I keep track of and codify these habits is for the purposes of momentum.  When starting my day, I’ve often found myself in the past getting all ready for the day then looking ahead and having it be daunting to see all the big tasks ahead I have to do.  By acknowledging all the smaller actions I take as a crucial part of my day, as my “daily renewal”, I no longer have to think of “starting the day”, only of maintaining momentum.

The fourth reason I codify these habits is that they can be useful other times that I feel I need a renewal.  For instance I often feel that I need a renewal before performing a magic show, in order to go on radiant and give the customer an excellent performance.  If I’m feeling less than peak condition, I know that all I have to do is perform a few of the actions on the list and I’ll be renewed.

So What Now?

Have I convinced you that adding your daily renewal habits to your todo-list is a worthwhile thing to do?  If so, then don’t leave this blog without doing something about it!  Think about the actions you take every morning to help renew yourself, and write them out on a daily renewal checklist.  Start giving yourself credit for all that you do in the morning, and check them off every morning as you do them.

Have your own daily renewal habits? Let me know in the comments.

So how does this relate to accomplishing my goals?

Here’s an interesting thing you’ll notice if you take a look at your long term goals… they all exist to help you achieve some sort of need from Maslow’s Hierarchy.  Here’s another interesting thing you’ll notice about your longterm goals… none of them exist exclusively to fulfill the bottom level of Maslow’s Hierarchy (unless you’re in a life and death situation for some reason), and in fact, you probably have a few goals which exist solely to fulfill the top two or three need groups.

So here’s the brilliant and counter-intuitive insight that Maslow’s Hierarchy gives us.  If we’re having trouble being motivated to accomplish a specific goal, the solution is NOT to direct more focus to that goal; the solution is to direct our focus to a need that is unfulfilled lower on the pyramid.

Okay, but how do I use it?

The first thing you have to do is determine what the lower need is that isn’t being fulfilled.  If it’s something pervasive like being unemployed (Safety) or sick (Physiological), you’ll probably already know about it and be dealing with it.  What may not be so obvious is some of the smaller day to day things that fulfill your needs.  Have you done some form of physical activity today, or been completely sedentary (Physiological)?  Have you spent quality time today with someone you love and trust, or merely exchanged pleasantries (Love/Belonging)? Is your environment well lit with plenty of space, or is it dark and enclosed (Safety)?  These are the types of day to day needs you want to be looking out for, and the longer you go without addressing them, the harder it’s going to be to focus in your goals.

Once you’ve identified the lower need that hasn’t been fulfilled, you have two options:

Option 1: Fulfill the Need

The first option is relatively simple and straightforward… fulfill the need.  Go have a quick workout so your body can release pent up energy, spend some time with your significant other or best friend, rearrange your space so it feels safer.  If you find that you consistently forget to do a specific thing such as being social or being active, you may want to schedule it into your day or week.  However you decide to do it, with the need fulfilled, you’re free to move up the pyramid and focus on your goal.

Option 2: Link the Needs Together

Sometimes however, immediate fulfillment of the need just isn’t possible.  Maybe you really need to get this project done in the next hour but you haven’t had a conversation all day. Or you’re stuck in your cubicle for the next three hours but you really need a breath of fresh air.  To solve these sorts of issues, you’re going to use the same sorts of technique I imagine marathon runners use to put their esteem needs before their physiological needs when they’ve run 20 miles and they hit “the wall”, or hunger strikers use when they put their self-actualization needs before their physiological needs.

The trick here is to link the higher need to the lower need by treating the lower need as a reward.  The really neat psychological phenomenon that happens here is that by linking the higher need to the lower need in this way, all your drive to fulfill the lower need gets transferred to the higher need.

For instance, the thought process of the hunger striker might look something like this:

When I get freedom, Then I’ll let myself eat.

Therefore, More hunger = More resolve for freedom.

To bring it a little closer to home, let’s go back to the office worker example:

If I finish these 4 reports in the next three hours, Then I’ll treat myself to a nice long walk afterwards.

Therefore, More claustrophobia = More focused work.

Keep in mind that this technique won’t work forever… eventually you won’t be able to focus on much at all if a basic need goes unfulfilled for long periods of time.

What now?

Been having trouble staying motivated towards your goals?  Take a look at the pyramid above and see if maybe you’ve been missing a day to day need.  Then, schedule it into your day tomorrow.

If you don’t currently have any motivation problems, I want you to remember this article the next time you’re having a bit of trouble.  Instead of listening to a motivational tape, or envisioning success, or doing anything that causes you to focus MORE on the goal, take a minute and ask yourself: “Do I need to NOT focus on the goal for a bit? Is there a lower need I need to focus on that isn’t being fulfilled?”.  That one simple change will work wonders for your happiness, wellbeing, and motivation.

Until next time,

Matt