Life OUTSideThe Box

Think Before You Speak!!

noreply@blogger.com (Paisley Raven) — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 03:58:00 +0000

Think before you speak...
Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak -
The last one is great!
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could
Immediately take the words back...
Or that you could crawl into a hole?
Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....

FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow
And asked loudly,
'How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?'
I turned around and walked back out and never went back
My husband didn't say a word...
He knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes,
I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.
He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, 'I think I like playing with mens balls'

THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and
Passed by a store that sold a
Variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case,
The boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
I replied, 'No, I'm just looking at your nuts.'
My sister started to laugh hysterically
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day,
My sister has never let me forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY :
While in line at the bank one afternoon,
My toddler decided to release
Some pent-up energy and ran amok.
I was finally able to grab hold of
Her after receiving looks of disgust
And annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving
'right now' she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,
'If you don't let me go right now,
I will tell Grandma that I saw you
Kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!'
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and
Walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.

FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands
It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco,
I smelled something funny,
So of course I checked
My seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
The realized that Danny
Had not asked to go potty in a while.
I asked him if he needed to go,
And he said 'No'
I kept thinking
'Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me.'
Then I said,
'Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?'
'No,' he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time, 'Danny did you have an accident ? This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,
Bent over, spread his cheeks
And yelled
'SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!'
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,
He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
An old couple made me feel better,
Thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days
And a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,
In the future, likely think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!
We had a female news anchor that,
The day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't,
Turned to the weatherman and asked:
'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?'
Not only did HE have to leave the set,
but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

Now, didn't that feel good?
Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh
and remember
we all say things we don't really mean,

If Abbot & Costello Were ALive Today...

noreply@blogger.com (Paisley Raven) — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 02:48:00 +0000

If Abbott and Costello were alive today…

Even if you’re not old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, you’re probably aware of their timeless “Who’s on First?” baseball sketch. But imagine what that same skit would be like in the 21st century?

Legendary comedy duo Abbott and Costello

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today…it might sound something like this…

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks I’m setting up an office in my den and I’m thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name’s Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don’t own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name’s Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don’t know.. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let’s just say I’m sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue ‘W’.

COSTELLO: I’m going to click your blue ‘w’ if you don’t start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That’s right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What’s bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn’t it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later)

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on ‘START’………….

For SL Builders: Using The Grid VIDEO

noreply@blogger.com (Paisley Raven) — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 00:25:00 +0000

I spend most of my time building stuff in SL. Here's a video that explains the fine points of using the grid. Good stuff for aspiring builders like myself.

Linden Labs Founder Philip Rosedale

noreply@blogger.com (Paisley Raven) — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 05:12:00 +0000

Interviewed in July 2008 about the impact of virtual worlds and the internet on Second Life.

Going..Going...

noreply@blogger.com (Paisley Raven) — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 05:06:00 +0000

LOST.... 2 pounds.

If Found Point, Laugh & Tell it I said
"HAH"

So I've been stuck at 220 for abut 2 months now. On the scale last night, I fianlly broke that plateau and hit 218!! I laid off working out for about 2 weeks because of tendonitis in my left arm.
DD and me are now on the same diet, keeping track of our calories at CalorieCount . She's interested in losing some belly roll. It's not badbut she wants to be "smexy". Diva says it destroys her lines, and Diva has an artist's eye. So she's doing all these ab tighteners, including hoola-hooping and crunches. I've noticed my belly lifting and I seem tobe getting some definition to my waist *sobs* I haven't seen my "waist line" since high school!
I got up to 25 minutes on the elliptical last night and I'm going for 30 as soon as I think I can handle it...later this week, maybe?
Uh, I was a little light-headed when I jumped off the machine last night. I figure that's a sign to take my time.
Now I'm firing up some of the chix I work with, showing them easy at-your-desk belly crunches they can do to start off. Giving tips on salads -because Diva makes some KILLER salads!- and general "Girl you can do this!" type stuff.

It's a work in progress.

And the work is progressing...

~Raven

Back in The Saddle

noreply@blogger.com (Paisley Raven) — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 03:44:00 +0000

We joined a gym back in January and I started going at least three days a week.
Since November I’ve had some pain twinges in my elbow but I didn’t pay much attention to it. I always hurt somewhere in the vicinity of shoulders, wrists, etc.
The pain got worse and stopped being occasional. I didn’t make the mistake of pushing my workout too hard. I was concentrating on abs and legs, not so much on arms. I only did a few exercises there.
Two weeks ago I hurt so badly I bought a sling and I had to stop working out. I just couldn’t do it, especially after work. My left arm was just screaming in pain and my range of motion was severely diminished.
So I went to the same doctor that did my carpal tunnel surgery two years ago. Only to find out what I thought was the return of carpal was tendonitis, most likely work related.
He asked when I wanted to file worker’s comp. I told him I didn’t. He put me in a two part brace –wrist and elbow-and gave me a script for naproxen.
At work that same day I realized that brace was slowing me down something fierce. I emailed my immediate superiors to explain why it was taking me song to take the next call. That was Friday
Monday I got dragged down to HR to discuss worker’s comp.
I told them the same thing: I don’t want it. I’m going for a promotion & I can’t afford to go down to 60% of my income. Honey figured it would be about 1k a month.
Our house payment is 950.00. Yeah. NOT.
So I come in Tuesday and I get nabbed back to HR and sent to their doctor who tells me I need an orthopedic guy because I do indeed have something cracked going on with my arm.
Protests that I’d already been to an ortho guy got, “But not ours.”
OK, fine.
I lost 2 weeks of work out time to this little fiasco. I was terrified I’d regained the 6 pounds I’ve worked all this time to lose.
Thankfully, according to the scale at the gym I’m holding steady at 220.
I limited the work out to crunches on the ball and 15 minutes on the elliptical.
All in all, it wasn’t bad. I got home and felt terrible, but not from the work out.
It was along day at work. And it’s probably going to continue.
I decided I can’t let this injury stop me from working out. HR and WC Doc don’t want me overdoing the arm, so I don’t. I’m very happy I know how to type one-handed but I’m better with the left, darn it.
Anyway, getting back into my work-out groove seems to be going more smoothly than I thought it would.
I’m hoping the elbow issue will be cleared up soon so I can get back to the full swing of things.

Absolute Cute

noreply@blogger.com (Paisley Raven) — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 05:36:00 +0000

This video is of a mother cat who adopts a teeny baby rabbit. TY Tweep @zaibatsu for the link.

Yes I know this has very little to do with Dark Matter, but you gotta admit, this Mama Kitty is living way outa her box.

Newspaper Humor

noreply@blogger.com (Paisley Raven) — Sat, 28 Feb 2009 23:47:00 +0000

OK. I love spell checker. It's very helpful. But I don't trust it. No, I go over my writing with my own eyes with Anal Editor Syndrome in high gear. I've taken down entire blog posts to correct one misspelled word. So, these clippings getting past the writer, copy, the editors AND the print proofer is just creeping me the hell out.
Now, some of these are not something you can catch with Anal Editor Syndrome. Some of them are just plain freakin funny.

And I am eternally grateful that they all made it to print.

Enjoy :)

Up & Down & Down.....& Up -Dammit

noreply@blogger.com (Paisley Raven) — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 00:57:00 +0000

I've been fighting the same 3 pounds for a month. Went to workout 2 Tuesdays back and made the mistake of checking my weight *before* I worked out. 225. I was so discouraged I didn't even hit the elliptical, my favorite machine.
So I went three days in a row that Sat/Sun/Mon and didn't weigh myself at all. I went last night and stepped on the scale before working out with the firm resolve to finish my full round no matter what it said.
I mean, I managed to get up to 8.5 minutes on the elliptical Monday night. I made it to 10 minutes solid last Tuesdays soo....
220!!!

WOOHOO!!!!

I still wonder if somebody is tweaking the scale, but I still don't care. Valentine's is a bad time to be looking to lose but I think I can get through it.

Still working on the Absent-Minded Eating thing. I eat a lot less when I'm working on computers but I smoke way more then, and I'm working on quitting. So, it's a trade off.
One breath at a time, or I'll choke on something....

~Raven

Dark Matter Moment

noreply@blogger.com (Paisley Raven) — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 04:16:00 +0000

Remember how Carlos Mencia got down on Kanye West's Gold Digger? Well, I couldn't find that clip (thanks for nothing, Viacom) but I did find this, and it had me crying at work.
Enjoy...

DarkMatter Visits Planet Earth

noreply@blogger.com (Paisley Raven) — Sat, 07 Feb 2009 22:50:00 +0000

The Dark Side of Planet Earth from mrcorbtt on Vimeo.

Oh My Achin Abs..

noreply@blogger.com (Paisley Raven) — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 13:19:00 +0000

So I've made a habit (at least trying to form one) of going to work out every other day. One of my motivators is this: My last weigh in I was 220. Two nights ago when I weighed myself I was 223.

CRAP!!!

Yes, I know some up n down is to be expected.
Yes, I know it's only 3 pounds.
Yes, I know I just started so my results can be erratic for a while but..

GODDAMMIT...

OK. Now that I've got that off my chest...(for now...I get re-pissed every time I think about it)

I'm snacking on honey nut cheerios (the off-brand because 7 bux for that bee is ridiculous...he ain't that cute) in plain vanilla yogurt instead of M & Ms & Hershey's Kisses.
Yes, I know, I shoulda' known bettah but... it's chocolate dammit! It's not like I ate em by the pound.

So... I'll keep sweating and puffing until I can keep up with the Tribelets. Then I'll go for putting them to shame MWAHAHHAA....

~Raven

Feelin the Burn

noreply@blogger.com (Paisley Raven) — Sun, 25 Jan 2009 08:35:00 +0000

I'm 1/3 of a Polyamorous Triad. I am bisexual, and brilliantly happy with my female mate Diva and our male mate Gryffin. Between us we have 5 children aged 16 to 3, 6 cats, 2 dogs, and a three- legged hamster. That's a story in itself. We'll get into some of it later.

The point of this post is opening the door into my personal Dark Matter and to start journaling my attempt at toning up what used to be a decent body.
By decent I don't mean rail thin. I mean no flabby, no floppy. I'd be pleased as punch if I could shave my snatch without having to lift my belly out of the way.

So we joined a fitness club. It's small, a little country , a little ghetto. It's a justifiable expense for the three of us and I can drag one or both of the Elder Tribelets along for (de)moral(izing) support.

So I went the first week on a Wed and took the Elder Geek and the Tweety. They both put me to shame. Last week I didn't go. I had no shoes until Wednesday or Thursday morning and we had a lot going on.
So whilst plucking my eyebrows, Diva suggested what I had considered doing anyway: stop in on tjhe way home from work. I already had the bag packed.
So last night (this morning? yesterday morning? *shrug*), I left work and went for gas, and headed my so-wide ass over to work out. I got there about 3am.

The beauty of this: I was completely alone. It was so awesome. I got dressed and went out and put my new sneakers on (11 bux, men's size 6 yeah baby). I stretched -which I hadn't done during daylight hours w/the Tribelets. I jumped on the elliptical for 5 minutes. Jumped on the bike for 5 minutes. Did 3o reps on an arm-pumping machine and finished up with 30 or 45 ( I lost count twice) crunches on the bouncy ball.
Now I was at the doctor 2 weeks ago and they weighed me in at 226 -OMG I felt horrid. Never been this big ever.
So I stepped on the one scale I could find en route to the locker to grab my bag: 220.

What? WHAT???

WOOHOO!!!!

What did I do? I stopped drinking soda and Kool-Aid about 2 weeks ago. I gave up the freakin huge refill of French vanilla coffee slushy I took to work.
Can something so simple make that big a difference or do they set their scale low on purpose?
Honestly>>>>>I dont give a shit!!!!

I walked out into 45 degree weather in shorts, a tank top and my own sweat and felt fucking great.
I can't wait to get back in there.

Hopefully, I'll be joined by a mate or two and we can feel the burn together.

~Raven

My Personal Dark Matter

noreply@blogger.com (Paisley Raven) — Sun, 25 Jan 2009 06:50:00 +0000

It's my personal point of view that my brain has morphed from gray matter to dark. When I dedicated to the Craft, I took a nice deep look at Inner ME and found a whole lotta WHOA.

What's WHOA? It's that part of us that goes full blown bitch when pushed far enough. It's that part of us that serial killers don't or can't suppress. It's that part of us that psychologist have been studying for decades and still don't really know what its about.

It's our Darkness. That thing inside us that can very cheerfully consider choking a stupid prick to death if only we could get rid of the body. And then our Humanity, our Social Norm Meter, our That's Not Right-Jiminy Cricket kicks in, and the prick lives to annoy another day.

My Cricket went on hiatus once and I jumped my ex at his aunt's bar. I caught him dirty dancing with someone NOT ME. And I went off. I wanted to kill him. I was pretty sure I would have run him over if my car had started. For the rest of our marriage I would often watch him sleep with a knife in hand. Wondering IF I could really get away with it. The question of "Can I do it?" didn't come up. I just didn't want to do it in front of our kids.

So I took a look at my Darkness. It scared me at first, but then I accepted it. Acceptance is key, of course. There's far too many people walking around who do not know themselves, can't look at that Darkness, won't look at it, and don't even want to acknowledge they have it.

*I could NEVER {insert unacceptable behavior here}*

I used to think that. Now I'm pretty sure if the circumstance were right I could do whatever I had to do...if circumstances were right.

If you're still reading congrats. You're not a Squeamish Millennial Lemming. Have a drink on me.

Grab the next entry. It's not nearly so dark...dark

~Raven

Box? What Box?

noreply@blogger.com (Paisley Raven) — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 04:59:00 +0000

The fun part of most of this is this:

Nobody expects it.

This what? Expects what?

See? Fun times, no?

Ok, ok. I'll stop teasing.

As you may have gathered by the title, I don't believe in living by other people's ideas of what *should* be.
By other people I mean society in general. Almost everyday of my life I encounter an example of Kay's words of wisdom in Men in Black: A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky dangerous animals ...

Proof: The outrage on the front lawn of George & Cindy Anthony over the months as Central Florida agonized over their missing granddaughter Kaylee & her mother Casey's possible complicity in her disappearance.

Proof: In 1993 the Dallas Cowboys went to and won the Super Bowl for the first time in over a decade. How do their fans thank them? Rioting in the streets.

People can disrupt a family's day to day or lift another family out of disaster and despair. We humans are an odd animal. Once again I turn to the movies to make my point. In this case,
Agent Smith from The Matrix: Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment but you humans do not. You move to an area and you multiply and multiply until every natural resource is consumed and the only way you can survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. Do you know what it is? A virus. Human beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet.

Humans destroy in the name of survival. We used to live in peace and in tune with our world and others. Now we subdue. Mangle and meddle. Reshape and remake.
And in the middle of all that, we've created a mindset that makes people like me reject out of hand almost every conventional thought process known to my particular corner of creation.

Another funny thing about humans: we rebel.
Here we stand on the eve of the single most significant Presidential Inauguration in this country's history. I have yet to write anything longer than a microblog about the man and his box-shattering achievement. Why?

Because every body else is doing it.
Until that flood slows to a trickle, how in the hell is my one voice going to be heard?

So I live outside the Box. The Box is constructed of "accepted norms": religion, sexual orientation, relationship structure, parenting, medical procedures. I don't think there's anything in my life that could fit into the *accepted norm* box. If I find anything, I'll probably burn it in my cauldron.
This is just a running stream of consciousness because I'm sick of looking at this empty blog. We'll get into details later.

~Raven