It has helped me navigate important decisions and know whether I am really living the life I want to live or the one that I think I should be living because everyone else thinks it’s right.

Which life are you living?

The life that fulfils you or the life you think you should be living?

As part of the year long Co-active Leadership programme I am doing, I’ve refined my life purpose statement. More than that, I am now creating actions that align with it. It’s one thing to have a life purpose. It’s another to actually live it every day of my life.

I am passionate about people understanding their inner selves and finding their true nature. I am passionate about building harmonious relationships and we do that when we connect with the nature of others and really understand them. And I’m passionate about the glory of the planet we live on, the diversity of the landscape, animals and nature, mountains and valleys, rough seas and calm pools, rushing rivers and gentle streams.

Nature represents the diversity in life. I love to travel and experience the amazing planet we live on. I love meeting people and discovering that although we have varied and interesting cultures, languages and behaviours, we are fundamentally the same. We are all human. We are all breathing in and out, all exchanging energy. We are all one.

So my life purpose is to connect people with nature – their own true nature, the nature of others (i.e. relationships) and the  glory of the natural world that we live in.

And for the first time in my life, I now have a business plan that involves doing just this. I plan to get people in business out in the fresh air,connecting with nature, their own true nature and connecting with the nature of others. Enhancing their wellbeing, their productivity, building community and being in harmony with our environment. I know this is just the beginning and I’m excited about the ride ahead. I hope you’ll join me along the way as I navigate the ups and downs of living my life purpose.

What’s your life purpose?

What is the essence of you?

When you know the essence of you, you can step into being more authentic, bringing more of you into the world, including your work life as well as your personal life. That’s compelling. And when you find your passion and really live it, you’re compelling.

Putting it into practice

1. If you have a life purpose statement already, consider how you are living your life in alignment with it. Make one small change today that will start to move you closer towards it.
2. If you don’t already have a life purpose, consider working with a coach to define one. Or try googling “life purpose”. There are plenty of free resources out there to get you started.

If you want help defining your life purpose, contact me for a special 45 mins Life Purpose coaching session.

With love,
Jude. x

Post from: Leaders By Nature

Living according to my life’s purpose

Related posts:

1. Finding your natural rhythm of life

There is a lot of sighing and looking at watches.

Some people are complaining that it’s an inconvenience and that they are too busy to take the time out  of their lives to do jury service. Others are scared and are impatient to be released and hope not to have to do it.

A third group are delighted to be doing jury service and are desperate to be called into the courtroom and get going. They anxiously rub their hands together and dare not go to the bathroom for fear of missing their chance.

The final group (small in number) are enjoying the space that this brings. I have an excellent book with me (Three cups of tea by Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin) and I’m enjoying the opportunity to read without interruption.

Whatever is happening here today is beyond our control. The process is what it is. On the surface, it seems inefficient and yet, we only see a small part of what is going on. Trials stop and start for all sorts of reasons. Meanwhile, the jurors are waiting. Waiting for the process to unfold.

Those who are present and patient are much more relaxed than the others. I realise that this is a choice. I am choosing to be relaxed because I’ve realised that fighting it and being anxious is not going to change the situation. And with the tense energy around me, that’s not so easy.

How patient are you in allowing things to unfold naturally?

How present are you in what you are doing in each moment?

Whilst I am being patient and present at the court, it’s not something I normally find easy. I’ve recently started to learn qi gong and it involves learning a new move each week which is added onto the previous series of moves. I’ve been impatient to learn the next move each week. Impatient to become proficient at it. Which rather defeats the object of qi gong which is really a form of moving meditation, a way of being mindful and present and relaxed.

Relaxing is the key. So often, we rush about our daily lives that we don’t make time to be present. We don’t make time to enjoy every moment, whatever it is… including the traffic delay on the way to work. And I realise that I can only be patient and present when I relax into the moment and accept it for what it is. Breathe into it. Notice what is here and allow it to be what it is.

Putting it into practice

1. Think of an activity you do regularly that you find frustrating e.g. driving to work, brushing your teeth, washing up.
2. Next time you do it, breathe. Get really present. Notice what is happening.
3. Consider what is positive about the situation (e.g. traffic delay gives you chance to plan your day).
4. Make being patient and present a choice in every moment.
5. Post your comments below and let us know how you get on.

Be patient. Be present. Be at peace.

With love,
Jude. x

Post from: Leaders By Nature

Being patient and present

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I know firsthand that it’s not sustainable long term. I’ve done my share of working long hours, travelling a lot with work and throwing myself into my leisure time with the same ferocity and velocity and I became exhausted.

Those who know me will also know that I have a tendency to break bones when I’m living life at too fast a pace! I see many clients, colleagues and friends who are also exhausted and still trying to maintain the status quo of high activity.

There are times throughout the year where our activities increase e.g. at the end of the term for teachers, at financial month and year end for those in business, at Christmas when we go out more and have more shopping to do.

There’s nothing wrong with being busy. It’s a natural rhythm of life. The problem comes when we increase our activites to that high level and try to maintain it  longterm at an unsustainable level.

That’s when it becomes out of balance with the natural world, out of balance with the natural rhythm of the earth. When we live in towns and cities and spend much of our time in offices, it’s easy to get out of balance with the natural world. We can get caught up in the materialism of modern day society and believe we need to be busy to sustain that way of life.

There is another way.

I look to nature as an inspiration to show me how to find a more natural rhythm. There are moments throughout the year when nature is busy too. Like the bees in the summer, cross-pollinating the flowers, the squirrels gathering in the harvest in autumn to sustain them over the winter, the flowers in spring which grow at an alarming rate.

We too can harmonise with the rhythm of the earth and find our own rhythm of life. A rhythm that feels energising and gentle, exciting and sustaining, both for ourselves and the world around us.

What’s the rhythm of your life?

What rhythm would serve you right now?

Putting it into practice

1. Get out in the fresh air every day for at least 5 minutes and connect with nature. Breathe.
2. Notice what is happening in nature and draw the comparison with your own life. Notice where nature is working as designed, bending and flexing.
3. If you are moving at a fast unsustainable pace, it might be time to start saying no to things, time to ask for help. If you are prevaricating and have become static, then notice what needs to happen. Do yoou need time out to recharge or is it time to start moving?
4. Find a new rhythm that nourishes and sustains you, excites and energises you.
5. Post your comments below on how you get on.

Go out and connect with nature – your own true nature, the nature of others and the natural world. It’s time to find your natural rhythm of life.

With love,
Jude. x

Post from: Leaders By Nature

Finding your natural rhythm of life

Related posts:

1. Noticing my true nature
2. Quieten the mind

As leaders, our physical, emotional and spiritual health is essential to enable us to have the stamina to lead in often challenging environments and situations.

The thing is… I’m low on energy at the moment. I believe that we are what we eat so I know that my low energy is down to what I am putting into my body. I normally eat a healthy diet and drink lots of water. For some reason, I’ve allowed my normal habits to slip in the last few months.

Telling on myself

I’m telling on myself as a first step to get back on track:

1. I’m drinking too much caffeine
2. I’m not drinking enough water
3. I’m eating too much bread which causes erratic sugar levels
4. I’m eating a lot of chocolate and cakes, further exacerbating my sugar craving
5. I’m not eating 5 portions of fruit and veg a day
6. When my husband is away, I’m not cooking properly for myself (hello Paul, yes, I can see your eyes rolling in despair!)
7. I’m eating more processed food than normal (I normally only eat freshly prepared food)

So what has gone wrong? These are all bad habits that I have a tendency to slip in and out of periodically. For some reason, I’ve allowed them all to slip at the same time. and for longer than usual so that they have become the norm.  By allowing these bad habits to take over, my energy levels have slipped and I’m lacking the energy to make the effort to plan and prepare healthy meals.

So I’m telling on myself because by making it public and writing it down, I’m accepting this it’s not ok. I’m accepting that I have bad habits that I’m not proud of, that I  am being lazy, that I am making looking after myself more difficult than it needs to be.

Getting back on track

The thing is that now I’ve accepted it, it seems like a mammoth task to get back on track. There are so many bad habits to let go of. So I’m going to make it easy and start with one step at a time. This morning, I had porridge with banana instead of toast. That’s a start. It seems a small step and it is. Deliberately. Because I know that that is a habit I can keep up for the rest of the week. And next week, I can focus on cutting out another bad habit.

So in 6 weeks, I should be back on track. Of course, I’d like to think I can get back on track in 2 days… and I’m realistic. I know that if I set my expectations too high, I set myself up to fail. So instead, I’m making it easy and taking one small step at a time.

You see, I realise that adopting bad habits is quick and easy and they have become the norm. When I think about it, it’s been a steady decline of unhealthy eating over the last 2-3 months. And letting go of each bad habit will take a similar amount of time if I am to stick with it long term. If I take it slowly, I can make it easy to let them go and in 6 weeks, I can be back on my normal healthy diet again.

What bad habits have you adopted either as a leader or in your personal life?

What will it take to get you back on track?

Putting it into practice

1. Consider an area in your life where you have allowed bad habits to creep in. It might be food, exercise or at work.
2. Identify the 5-6 bad habits.
3. Choose the easiest one to change and do it for a week. Then in week 2, choose an additional habit to overturn and so on until you are back on track.
4. Post your comments below and let me know how you are making changes for the better.

Letting go of bad habits can be difficult… or we can make it easy. What will you choose?

With love,
Jude. x

Post from: Leaders By Nature

Letting go of bad habits one step at a time

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What I’ve learned along the way is that the relationship we create and our connection are everything.

I mean EVERYTHING.

On the face of it, we disagree on almost everything. You know the “oh my goodness, what is he/she going to say next”. There have been stunned silences, eyes rolling, feelings of energy being sapped and much laughter. And that’s just from me. If Matthias wants to run an indoor workshop, I want to run it outdoors (yes, in Oct, in the rain, in the UK).

In the past, I would have given up. I would have said, “do you know what? We just don’t see eye to eye. This is never going to work. Let’s drop it.”

In fact, our desire to connect and to create from each other has been so great that we have made the whole process easy and fun.

We have laughed a lot. I mean a lot! I especially laugh a lot when I come up with a ridiculous idea and I can almost hear Matthias’s eyes rolling around in his head and I know he hates it. Matthias hangs in there and looks for the positive molecule in a terrible idea and at the same time I can just hear the “Oh god I hate it” energy in his voice.

I’ve worked previously in environments where everyone puts forward a point of view and everyone thinks their idea is the best. So everyone focusses on selling their idea to everyone else and it all becomes competitive and nobody actually listens to anyone else. The focus is on getting your idea accepted and proving that you are right. That creates disagreement, frustration and stress. It breaks down relationships (or even stops them from being formed).

Matthias and I could have fought, argued and got frustrated in the way people typically do in business when they don’t agree on everything. Instead, we have laughed. We have created from each other. When I suggest something, Matthias bends it in a slightly different way and in return I bend it slightly differently.

We go back and forth in this way until we are both sure that we have an idea that we both agree on, that we believe will work, that we hope will delight our workshop participants.  I know that what we are creating is far more powerful than either of us could have created alone.

By blending our ideas together, we co-create something that is a part of both of us, literally created from each other. The focus is on the alignment, on the agreement and on the connection. We listen to each other’s ideas, we try and create something with them, we try to understand each other. We want the other person to be heard and understood more than we want our own idea to be agreed to. This way, we develop a powerful relationship that carries us through the tricky moments. And it’s a joyful experience.

Of course, it remains to be seen what the outcome is as we will co-lead the workshop in just over a week’s time. One thing I am sure of is that our connection and our ability to flex and bend together will create a magical experience, for us as well as the participants. I’m excited!

As for the workshop, it’s all about making life easy and fun. We have certainly done that. I never knew work could be so much fun!

Putting it into practice

1. Next time you are discussing something with someone, let go of your own idea. Listen to your partner / colleague / friend. I mean really listen.
2. Find the good thing about your partner’s idea and build on that. e.g. if they suggest you plan a holiday to the Bahamas, focus on what you like about that e.g. the sunshine, the beach, etc. And build on it.
3. Want the relationship to work more than the outcome. The outcome will handle itself when you have a great relationship.
4. Enjoy! Post your comments below on how you create from other people and the magic that is created when you do just that.

With love,
Jude. x

Post from: Leaders By Nature

Creating powerful relationships and magic

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So with that in mind, I decided to write a review of an excellent book which I’ve read recently. It’s one of the simplest personal development and leadership books I’ve ever read and yet the impact of it is profound. I highly recommend everyone to read it and apply its principles.

In The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz explores how we are domesticated by our everyday lives and how adopting the Four Agreements can transform our lives completely. These are the four agreements that he recommends we apply to transform our lives:

1. Be impeccable with your word. Your thoughts and feelings are all words. If you are impeccable with your word, you will use your thoughts and words with good intention both towards yourself and towards others.  You will believe the best in you and in others and  negativity will not affect you.

Being impeccable  also means speaking the truth and speaking with love and compassion. It means not gossiping about people and not judging anyone (especially yourself). Many people love to gossip, especially about people they don’t know. Gossip is pure opinion and is not founded in truth. Often it hurts people. Know the difference between the truth and gossip and only speak the truth, with love and compassion.

2. Don’t take anything personally. Oh I love this. When someone expresses their opinion, it is just that… an opinion. Not the truth. It means that if someone else judges you, you can let it go, knowing it says more about them than it does about you. They are projecting their own reality onto you. Let them keep it. You do not need to be the victim of endless suffering by taking on everything that is thrown at you.

3. Don’t make assumptions. We are assumption machines. We have to make assumptions all day in order to make decisions. E.g. I assume there will be hot water in the shower in the morning so I can jump straight in. Where assumptions become more dangerous is when we start to believe that they are actually true.

When we make assumptions and take things personally, then we start to distance ourselves from others for fear of being hurt. It causes us to separate and break connections. We assume someone doesn’t like us so we keep our distance. Love is lost. You can counteract this by being curious about everyone and everything. Ask questions. Test out your assumptions. They are the stories that you make up about people and things. Assumptions are not the truth.

4. Always do your best. Perhaps you were told that as a child. Yet as adults, we often berate ourselves for not doing enough, not achieving something or saying the wrong thing. When we are unwell or tired, our best is less than when we are on top of everything.

As long as we are doing our best, our best is good enough! That means, you do what you can in the time available with the resources available. Making mistakes is fine if you are doing your best. When  you believe that you are doing your best, then there is no place for self-judgment and you set yourself free.

Four very simple agreements. Easy to read. Much harder to put into practice. Yet when you combine them with each other, they become extremely powerful. We create our own reality by our thoughts and feelings. Each thought and feeling is a choice.

In summary, Don Miguel Ruiz says: “We have a choice… to suffer, or to love and be happy.”

What will you choose?

With love,
Jude. x

Post from: Leaders By Nature

Review of the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

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1. Speaking your truth

By this, I mean that I acknowledge my clients for how they show up in the world, the things they do and the impact they have on the world.

This is often uncomfortable for people the first time they experience it. After all, they are used to being told how to improve rather than how amazing they are!

At school, we focus on how children can do better, what they have yet to learn. We might tell them when they do something that is good like play the piano or score a goal in football. We rarely tell them that they are smart or beautiful or funny or happy, etc. If children say how good they are at something, they are told not to boast, not to brag.  We’re not allowed to show other people how good we are at anything.

As adults in business, appraisals are intended to motivate employees. Too often they focus on where we can improve, how we can do a better job. I believe this is disempowering and causes us to focus on the negative things.

We forget how amazing we are!

One of the most difficult things to do is to think about ourselves positively. To say, I’m good at coaching. I’m funny. I’m eccentric. I’m playful. I’m intelligent. I’m honest. I’m a good friend. I’m loyal. And I’m squirming as I write those things! I absolutely know they are true for me and still it’s difficult to acknowledge them.

How well do people know you?

How much are you hiding your amazingness?

When we realise how amazing we are, our self-esteem improves. That allows us to release the constraints that hold us back and step into our full authenticity. The impact on ourselves and the world around us is so much greater.

Putting it into practice

1. Write 2 sides of A4 (letter) paper of adjectives that describe you. Use only positive words.
2. Celebrate your amazingness!
3. Share 3 amazing things about you in the comments below… go on! Give it a go!

Know how amazing you are. Own it. Be it. Stop hiding your amazingness. The world needs you. Just as you are. No more. No less.

With love,
Jude. x

Post from: Leaders By Nature

Do you know how amazing you are?

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1. Being good enough

What I’ve learned in the process is that attitude is everything and failure is essential. When I let go of “I can’t” or “it might hurt me”, I can achieve the seemingly impossible.

The words “I can” and “I can’t” are prevalent in every day use. We learn as children and continue to learn as adults what we can and can’t do. Or so we think. The problem is that as adults, we start to limit the opportunities we have available to us by believing that “we can’t”.

It prevents us from trying something new because we believe we can’t do it or because when we tried it once before it didn’t work. But things change. Circumstances change. Our physical and mental capabilities are always evolving… if we allow them to. There is no need to hold ourselves back any more.

What self-limiting beliefs are holding you back?

Children continue to push the boundaries on a daily basis and that enables them to achieve things that the year or month or day before, they were unable to do. Like a toddler who learns to walk by continually falling over until through sheer determination and persistance, they eventually find themselves running.

They keep trying until they succeed. Any failure along the way is part of the learning process. It helps them find the way that eventually works for them.

Where are you holding yourself back, physically or mentally?

What failure are you avoiding and what impact is that having on you achieving your potential?

On the ropes course I fell a number of times. Each time I fell I thought: “Damn it. I had more in me.” I was frustrated by the failure  initially because it’s uncomfortable. When I opened myself up to seeing that failure is part of the process, it allowed me to reach for more each time, knowing that my best is good enough. Every time. As long as I gave 100%, there was no shame in failing. And the learning associated with that failing allowed me to reach inside for a bit more each time. Until I found I was achieving way beyond what I believed I was capable of because the failures enabled me to learn and improve each time.

So stop holding yourself back. Stop being paralysed by fear. Start failing and learning. One step at a time. Allow yourself to evolve to your highest potential and allow the failures along the way. The world needs you to be your best and that can only happen when you learn to fail.

Putting it into practice

1. Identify an area where you are stuck or hold yourself back.
2. What self-limiting belief are you hanging onto? What failure are you trying to avoid?
3. If you let go of the self-limiting belief and the fear of failure, what one small step will enable you to move towards the end goal?
4. Take that one step. Stop and reflect. Learn from any failure.
5. Try again. Keep going.
6. Post your comments on your successes and failures below.

With love,
Jude. x

You can read more about the impact that the CTI Leadership course had on me in a previous post on Authentic Leadership.

Post from: Leaders By Nature

Stop holding yourself back and start failing

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I was powerless to do anything. I lacked control of the situation. I realised that Dennis is living the life he wants to live and that might be different from what I want for him. He was teaching me a lesson in detachment.

We cannot control anyone or anything although many of us try to do so.  We can’t even control our own lives. We never know what is going to happen. Perhaps you fight with your children about what they should do, the choices that they make? Perhaps you fight with colleagues at work because you believe your way or your idea is better?

Where are you trying to make things happen in a particular way?

How attached are you to a specific outcome?

We all have different ideas of what a fulfilling life looks like or how a job should be done. Dennis chose to trek across fields for 9 days. I doubt he was worried about us. I’m guessing that he was feeling the joy of being fully alive and free and connected to his environment. I’m happy that he chose to do that, even though it means I missed him terribly. I’m also guessing that his reason for turning up again was that he missed being loved. And I’m delighted he came home.

I like to think I have everything under control. Thanks to Dennis, I was reminded that I don’t. I don’t own him. I can’t control him. I find this difficult. I like to think my family are tucked up in bed at night and safe. I can do things to influence it and I can’t make it happen. Just as I can’t control the decisions that anyone in my life makes, whether they are family, friends, work colleagues or even strangers in the street.

I love that we are all unique, that we have different opinions and ideas. Diversity is what makes life interesting. That doesn’t mean we have to keep quiet. It’s important to speak our truth and it’s equally as important to be detached from a specific outcome. Allowing things to evolve and unfold naturally. Without force. Gently.

Putting it into practice

1. Identify a relationship in your life where you are trying to control, where you really want a specific outcome. Perhaps it is your partner, one of your children or a work colleague.
2. Ask them what they want from the situation.
3. Tell them what you want. Be detached from needing to have them be who you want them to be.
4. Allow them to be who they are and embrace their difference.
5. Post your comments below.

Being detached from the outcome is one of the hardest things we can do. And it is liberating. Now I know that Dennis is staying around because he wants to. Because he loves us. And the more I allow him his freedom, the more he wants to hang around.

Stop pushing your family and friends away. Embrace them for who they are and allow them to make the choices they want to make. Your relationships will be richer for it.

With love,
Jude. x

Post from: Leaders By Nature

A lesson in detachment

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I was asked that a few months ago. My immediate reaction was to say that I always speak the truth, that honesty and integrity are important. Blah blah blah. You can guess the rest. You probably say it yourself.

And at the same time, I realised I had some resistance to the question. So I’ve been looking at the truth and how I live my life. And I’ve been living a lie. Of course there are lies and there are lies. I like to justify how I’ve been. No doubt you will too.

Because this is the painful truth. The hard truth. The sort of truth that freedom brings. It’s not easy.

Speaking your truth means saying what you think. It means saying no when you don’t want to do something. Without having to justify it. No I don’t want to come to your party. Instead of, well I would but I have to do blah blah blah…. and out come all the excuses in the world which aren’t really true.

I’m suggesting that perhaps there are times when you hold back from sharing your opinion because it is not the popular opinion or because you fear the impact.  Perhaps you are afraid of being ridiculed, misunderstood, controversial. Perhaps you are afraid of rejection.

Perhaps you want to be liked so you don’t want to rock the boat. So you deny yourself the ability to go against the tide. You deny yourself the ability to be individual, wise. You hide away that new perspective from yourself and from others.

You’re not being a leader.

Leaders lead. That means they go first and others follow. It can be challenging to be first, to go out on a limb and not know whether you will fall.

How truthful are you about yourself? Do you beat yourself up when you get things wrong? Do you judge yourself harshly? Perhaps you are even afraid to think the truth.

More recently, I’ve been speaking my truth. And yet I know I am still holding back in some areas. I’m stepping out more and saying things I never used to say, learning to disagree. In a gentle, confident, unattached way. More from a place of wanting to love and connect with the person. Wanting them to understand me and wanting to understand them.

And surprise surprise, people welcome it. The truth provides an opportunity for greater intimacy and connection. Conversations become real. And rich. Deep and meaningful. From the heart. Powerful and with impact.

Where do you hold back from speaking your truth?

What is not being said?

Putting it into practice

1. Notice where you hold back. How do you know when you are holding back? You probably feel a physical sensation somewhere in your body.
2. Breathe into that sensation. What do you want to say?
3. What is stopping you from saying it?
4. Let go of trying to look good and allow yourself to connect through the truth.

Speak your truth. Connect with love.

Jude. x

Post from: Leaders By Nature

Speaking your truth

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2. Review of the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
3. Leaders make connections

The British like to moan about the weather. On the face of it, it seems pretty harmless. We moan about the summer being terrible and complain that it’s rained a lot. Then we moan when it’s sunny because we’re too hot and feel too lethargic to do anything. There’s a sense of shared community in the moaning.

At work, when people ask, how are you? The standard response is: “Really busy, it’s manic at the moment.” Then people go on to share stories of how bad it is, how many hours they have to work and how busy they are.

There’s a sense of doom and gloom, almost a competitiveness about  who has the worst job or works the longest hours. It can be depressing and it’s a downward spiral.

If you are one of the majority of the population doing this, you’re colluding with negativity. You are gaining your sense of belonging by engaging in negativity.  

Gossip is the worst form of negative collusion. You know how it goes. Someone says something about someone and before you know it, everyone is adding stories.  Invariably they’re not intended to hurt anyone and yet they are still negative. It’s based on misunderstanding, being critical of others, not seeing them as human beings. Imagine how you would feel being on the receiving end of that.

Perhaps you collude with yourself. You believe that you can’t change your circumstances, that you are being “done to”, that it’s beyond your control.  You believe that you are stuck and that there’s nothing that you can do. So you allow yourself to look at things negatively and continue to complain and be unhappy. You remain static. Stuck in negativity.

The circumstances might be beyond your control. How you respond to them is absolutely within your control. In my article on 5 ways to love the job you hate, I explore ways for making the best out of a bad situation.

Where do you collude with negativity?

What happens when you generate positivity instead?

You have a choice. A choice to collude with negativity or a choice to turn your conversation into something positive. Forget trying to belong to the miserable club. Start looking for the good in everything. It’s much more enjoyable and much more motivating.

Putting it into practice

1. Notice when the conversation is negative.
2. Consider a positive benefit from what is being discussed and express that point of view. Start with “The good thing about …  is that …”
3. Notice the impact and post your tips below for turning negative collusion into one of positive collusion.

Be a leader. Change the conversation. Start with your internal dialogue.

With love,
Jude. x

Post from: Leaders By Nature

Are you colluding with negativity?

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Left to right: Pepsi, Jude and Gracie

We have a new addition to the Jennison household. Pepsi, a brood bitch for Guide Dogs joined us 2 weeks ago.

She’s 14 months old and she’s been puppywalked for a year so she’s pretty well-behaved. That said, she also has a strong will and can be really stubborn.

This surprised me at first. I’d forgotten that we had to train our first dog to do what we expected of her. No doubt we have a different routine from the one Pepsi is used to and we need to get used to each other.

It’s time to reset my expectations. Time to put the effort into building a great relationship with her so that we have the same loving bond that I have with my first dog Gracie (also a Guide Dog brood bitch).

Setting your expectations at work

When I think of the workplace, it’s similar. When someone new joins your team, you may have an expectation of the job you want them to do; you may have expectations of their skills, knowledge and experience. Maybe, just maybe, they need time to adjust to you and you need time to adjust to them.

How high are your expectations?

How clear are your instructions?

How well are you communicating?

When we open the dialogue and start discussing what we really want, that’s when we create understanding and deep connections with people. We don’t need to agree. We do need to understand and accept the differences.

When Gracie came to live with us 6 years ago, I put a lot of time and effort into developing a strong bond with her. I showed her what I expected of her and rewarded her well. She’s rewarded me in return by being a loyal friend and companion and I can rely on her to do certain things in a certain way. Now I’m doing the same with Pepsi and already we are more connected.

Of course, leadership in the workplace is not as hierarchical as being a pack leader with a dog. At work, it’s more about understanding each other, sharing ideas, collaborating together. Still, there is much we can learn from the simplicity of the communication we have with our four legged friends. Clarity is everything and sometimes expectations have to be reset.

Putting it into practice

1. Consider a new relationship – it could be a new friend, partner or colleague at work.
2. What do you expect from this relationship?
   
3. Communicate your expectations to them. Open the dialogue.
   
4. Where are you different? What are you willing to accept for the sake of a deep connection?
   
5. Post your tips below on how to build great relationships.

With love,
Jude. x

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It can provide clarity and focus on what you want to achieve as well as who you want to be in the world.

I created one which helps me connect with the essence of me, who I am, what I stand for, my role as a leader in the world. It defines who I am being as much as it defines what I want to do. 

It’s a representation of my core values – freedom, love, connection and playfulness. It has a strong outdoor, natural feel to it and a connection with the diverse world we live in.

When I look at it, I can’t help but smile. I feel so connected to what I want in my life, the experiences I want to have and who I want to be in the world. It reminds me of who I really am.

I’ve put it on the wall in my home office where I can look at it at the beginning of every day ands it really helps inspire me on my way.

What are the benefits of creating a vision board?

You may be thinking you’re too busy to do it, you’ll do it another day, you don’t see the point, you’re not sure what to do it on, etc etc. The thing is…  if you want to be really fulfilled in your life, then you need to know what that looks like and you need to start making it happen.

Here are my 9 reasons why you should create a vision board:

1. It enables you to connect to the essence of who you are and what you stand for
2. It can be an inspiration for the choices you make and enable you to make decisions from your heart and soul, rather than your head. You can connect with what you really want rather than what you think you should do or believe is the best thing to do.
3. It enables you to tap into your creativity to design your life how you want it to be
4. It can increase the clarity around what you want in your life
5. It can be an inspiration to keep going under adversity
6. It can help break a bad mood or lift your spirits
7. It enables you to see when you are disconnected from your true self and being driven by external factors or the ego
8. It can help you reconnect and refocus to your goals and dreams, as well as who you are at your core
9. If you have a life purpose statement, you can align the vision board with your life purpose statement to increase your clarity and deepen your focus

You can also use a vision board to help you gain clarity and focus on something more specific, e.g. your next house, a book you want to write, a new business idea, etc.

Putting it into practice:

1. Find 2-3 magazines on different topics that you find interesting and some photos of your past and present that inspire you.  Let go of needing them to make sense at this stage. Don’t try to figure it out. Just pick the things that you resonate with.
2. Then go through each magazine/photo and cut out the pictures and words or phrases that inspire you. Consider what each picture represents in your life or your chosen topic.  What’s the emotion that it invokes? Get really focused on this and shut out all other thoughts from your mind as you do it.
3. Stick your chosen pictures and words on a sheet of paper or card approx. 60cm x 45 cm or bigger if you wish. You can also add drawings or paint or a pictorial representation of a song that has meaning for you. Let your creativity run riot.
4. Pin it on your wall and look at it every day. Or you could take a photo of it and use it as a screensaver or background to your desktop.

So if you don’t already have one, start today. And if you do already have one, review it today. Does it still represent who you are and what you want? Make the most of this precious life.  It’s yours to design however you want it.

Remember, you get out what you put in. Make it worth your while.

Please let me and other readers know how you get on by posting your comments below.

With love,
Jude. x

Post from: Leaders By Nature

9 reasons why you should create a vision board

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It’s easy to blame the other person. If they would only do x, then everything would be fine. They may think the same of us. It’s always someone else’s problem, someone else who has to take the lead, someone else who has to change their behaviour and that’s where relationships break down.

Well the thing is….. the only person that you can change is you. 

Two co-leaders, one voice

I’m doing a year long Leadership programme.  We did an exercise on the first day and there was one person that I did not connect with. I could have walked away and not made an effort with her. Instead, we had an open and frank discussion and increased our understanding of each other. That was the first step.

Since then, we’ve been working together, sharing ideas, challenges, being vulnerable together, learning together. Leaning in to the relationship.

And it’s paid off. Yesterday we ran our first teleseminar together just two months after meeting for the first time. It was an absolute joy. We danced a beautiful dance, bending and flexing together. We were individuals who allowed each other freedom to be individual and at the same time we collaborated and were one team. Two co-leaders. One voice. And we made an impact on the group.

The relationship could have been very different if we had been different.

I now feel deeply connected to this person. We have created a partnership where we can be truthful, even when it hurts. In a loving and gentle way because we want the best for each other, individually and together. That’s a really powerful relationship to have, a  relationship that will stand the test of time. A relationship where we both champion each other, urge each other on, support each other and are willing to fail together for the sake of wanting to make a difference in the world.

Leaning in

Connections don’t always happen instantly. Sometimes we have to make them work. And the more we put into making a relationship work, the stronger and more powerful it can be.

Living and working with a diverse group of people makes life and work interesting. It generates creativity and innovation. It requires us to lean into to wanting the relationship to work, to let go of blame and judgment.

Our first impressions are often an emotional decision, a split second decision. Then we justify that emotional response with logical reasons. We try to prove to ourselves that we are right and we continue to break relationships down further through our behaviour.

There is another way.

When we stop justifying our behaviour and are willing to lean in, trust and understand others, we build longlasting deep connections with people.

We’re all human and we all want to be loved. Isn’t that the basis for deep connection?

Who could you connect with at a deeper level?

What might be possible when you take the lead and lean in?

Putting it into practice

1. Identify someone that you work with that you don’t connect well with.
2. Spend time with them.
3. Be curious about who they are, what makes them tick.
4. Ask them for help with something.
5. Notice the impact on the relationship.

With love,
Jude. x

This article was inspired by my new dog, Pepsi. When I met her this morning for the first time, we instantly connected and I knew she would be mine. The previous dog I saw I didn’t connect with. We rejected each other. Perhaps she felt my rejection. Perhaps if I had made more of an effort, she would have done too.

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The coaching training I have had and the leadership development that I continue to engage in is important. It provides a new way of being in the world. A new way that is desperately needed.

What is the Coaching Cafe?

The idea of the Coaching Cafe is to bring together small groups of people in an informal supportive environment where they can meet new people, learn something about themselves and support each other. An environment where people can share ideas and experiences and take something back into their lives that enables them to be different and have a different impact.

It’s about leading from the heart and soul, connecting with others, loving them, wanting the best for them, collaborating together, nurturing and supporting one another. For the benefit of the individual, the community and the world we live in. 

Being vulnerable

Coaching can be a vulnerable profession. It requires me as the coach to stick my neck on the line for the sake of the client becoming who they can be at their best.

The Coaching Cafe took my vulnerability to a new level. I had no idea if my concept would work. I engaged four trial clients and I stepped into being vulnerable. No protection. They did the same. They opened up with honesty and learned something about themselves.

In an hour and a half, they gained insights into who they are and how they operate. They learned things about themselves that make them better equipped to make decisions from the heart. Decisions that honour their values. Decisions that will make their heart sing.

A new world

That’s what I want for the world. I want you to have joy in your heart. Deep joy. From a deep place within you. I want you to connect with your true nature; I want you to connect with our beautiful planet and recognise how glorious our natural world is. I want you to cherish it and nurture it for future generations to come.

It’s a new way of being. Less doing. More being. More about how we show up in the world. And I realise that this is a vulnerable place for me because it’s so important. I’m opening myself up completely saying: “Here I am, this is what I stand for. Come with me.”

I was good at my corporate job. Highly respected. Rewarded well. Now I’m being me, it’s personal. I’ve let go of the job title and the role I was playing.. I can no longer hide behind the armour of the job.  Now it’s my heart and soul that are being put on the line. Failure seems not to be an option and yet it is inevitable. More than that. It’s essential. So that I can learn from it and move forward.

I realise that the more vulnerable I am, the more I give to the world and the people in it. The more I can be who I really am and have the impact I want to have. Leaders need to be vulnerable. To not know the path and dare to create a new one. To ask for help along the way. To collaborate with others to get there. To want to succeed and be willing to fail.

One step at a time

The Coaching Cafe was a major milestone. I’m so grateful to the four women who came along to the pilot session, who shared the moment of my major milestone with me, who supported my vulnerability and opened up their own vulnerability. For the sake of my learning and theirs.

What’s the impact you want to have on the world?

Who do you need to be to have that impact?

What do you need to let go of?

I look forward to more major milestones and putting my heart on the line for the sake of the world we live in. One step at a time. I hope you will join me.

With love,
Jude. x

Thanks also to 7 Square in Warwick who looked after us beautifully and provided a great space for the Coaching Cafe.

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