“How are you?” says x.

“Really busy!” says y.

Y could be almost anyone. It’s such a regular response that it becomes meaningless. We’re competing over how busy we are.

When did being busy become a measure of success or value? No wonder the workplace is full of people who are stressed out and over-worked.

Your ego likes this. Your ego feeds on being the best. The busiest. Your ego believes that being busy is the same thing as being successful.

It is not.

You say you are busy when what you really mean is you are stressed. You don’t speak the truth because in many offices environments, it’s not cool to say you’re stressed. It’s not cool to turn down work.

You conform to how you think you should be, rather than how you really want to be. The real answer to the “How are you?” question is: “I’m stressed (because I’m too busy and I’m overworked).”

How much value are you adding with the things that you choose to do?

Checking your emails every 5 minutes might make you busy but does it really add value?  Does doing everything that someone asks you to do add value? What if you said No?

Are you constantly juggling things to do, never quite finishing them or constantly multi-tasking to try and get everything done in parallel?

Leave the juggling to the clowns. It’s time for a change. It’s time to be a leader.

We can all be leaders in our own lives. It requires us to do something different. Being a leader means making powerful conscious choices that serve you and your world. It means letting go of the things that no longer serve you and the things that do not add value, even if someone else thinks you should do them. It requires you to challenge the status quo, to step out from the masses and dare to be different.

How much of a busy clown are you?

What will it take for you to be a leader?

Putting it into practice

1. Consider the things you are doing that make you busy.
2. Let go of one small thing this week and notice the impact. Most people find that when they stop doing something they’ve always done, nobody even notices or cares.
3. Try it and see.

Stop being a busy clown. Start being a leader. Nobody said it was easy but your free time will certainly be greater.

With love,
Jude. x

Post from: Leaders By Nature

Stop being a busy clown and start being a leader

Related posts:

1. Stop holding yourself back and start failing
2. Who are you as a leader and what is your impact?

In reality, the small things we do actually are the big things… in terms of having an impact.

For example, I visit  a local residential home for the elderly with my dog Gracie as part of the Pets as Therapy charity. We’ve only been a few times and already the residents recognise us when we arrive and everyone’s faces light up. It’s really heart-warming and I realise that an hour and a half of my time every two weeks is making a huge difference to people’s lives. People are opening up, smiling, feeling loved, having physical contact.

This is a big deal. A tiny thing to do and a big impact.

And it got me thinking about all the other seemingly minor things I could be doing or already am doing that have a bigger impact than I realise.

What minor things are you putting off that could have an impact?

What minor things are you already doing that have a major impact?

We can sometimes get caught up in the next big thing. We think that to make a difference, we have to do something huge. The fact is that all over the world, people are making a difference, in many ways, some big, some small.

So it’s time to reach out, to connect with others, to start making a difference in any way you know how. You have talents and skills that are desperately needed. How will you use them?

Putting it into practice

1. Consider what you stand for. What 3 words sum up what you want for you and for the world?
2. Find small ways to bring more of those things into your life.
3. Notice the impact those things have and celebrate your magnificence.

With love,
Jude. x

Post from: Leaders By Nature

How minor things can make a big difference

Related posts:

1. Making a difference

You only need to watch a rabbit in headlights to know how fear can sometimes cause us to do things that don’t serve us.

Fear paralyses us. It makes us play small. It makes us show up inauthentically. It makes us say and do things that we don’t really mean.

Our fears bind us so tightly that we often dare not admit them even to ourselves. We even convince ourselves that we are not afraid. We convince ourselves that we  don’t have a choice… even though we always do.

Fear keeps us doing the same job even when we don’t enjoy it. It keeps us believing that we have to continue to earn the same amount of money, even though it is not making us happy. It stops us from stepping out of our comfort zone and really living the life that we know we can live.

Most people don’t even know what their fears are. They don’t realise that these fears are actually running their lives or they make excuses about not really wanting to do something anyway.

What is your fear?

Where is it holding you back from living the life you want?

For a long time, I was paralysed by fear. The personal transformation I’ve been going through and the major changes I’ve been making in my life have left me breathless and often paralysed by fear. There is a desire to go back to what is known. To do what I’ve done before… because I know I can. It feels safe. Comfortable. Even when it is actually uncomfortable.

So recently, I’ve been facing my fears, being much more bold. Taking risks. I know I am truly living when I step into the face of fear and I do it anyway. Not knowing where I am going, not knowing if I can do what I want to do and trusting that I am doing it with good intentions and a willingness to learn from the experience. I’m willing to fail and of course I want to succeed.

And with each thing I do, the fear falls away as I realise that it was not so scary after all and I realise that I have more inner strength to do even more next time. And every time I fail, it’s smaller than I ever thought it might be and the learning is so great that it more than makes up for it.

So now, when I’m not sure if I want to do something, I ask myself if fear is standing in the way and if it is, I do it anyway. Which is why I am now writing a book, running workshops in countries all over Europe with co-leaders I’ve never worked with before, presenting at a coaching conference in March, doing a physical challenge (more of that on my Coniston Challenge Blog), challenging my local village to reconsider the way we build social community and running an outdoor networking group at work, despite everyone thinking it’s a crazy idea.

You see, fear held me back on all of these things… once I accepted that fear was present and took the power back into my core, I was able to make the decision without fear’s influence. Then things started to happen!

Putting it into practice

1. What do you want to do but are afraid to do?
2. Know that whatever happens, you can handle it. Look in the mirror and tell yourself, “I can handle it”.
3. Find one small thing that you are afraid to do and do it. It will give you the confidence to do more next time.
4. Share your experiences below.

Name your fears and let them go. Start making decisions consciously, in service of  you living a life of fulfilment. It’s easier than you might think…. and it’s challenging too. What a wonderful paradox that is!

With love,
Jude. x

Post from: Leaders By Nature

Releasing the fears that bind us

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There was virtually nothing that I would say No to. If I was asked to work longer hours, I did. If I was given some awful challenging project that nobody else wanted to do, I did it. I put myself out to please others. And that surprises me because I’m normally someone who speaks their mind.

So when I was confronted for the first time with this question, it seemed rather strange. You mean… I get to choose what I want?  What about the impact of saying no? What if I lost my job because I said no? What if I didn’t get the next payrise or promotion?

Then it dawned on me. I was being driven by external influences.

Consider the negotiation of a house. The buyer wants it at the cheapest price, the seller wants it at the highest price. There comes a point when both parties either agree on the sale or are willing to walk away. So there is a cutoff point or a boundary at which you are willing to walk away.

You can apply this to anything. For example, your boss tells you that he or she wants you to  do a particular project and it involves doing things you don’t like, like longer hours, more time away from home, more responsibility, less responsibility even. Do you do it and fight it all the way or do you sit them down and explain what your needs are? What is the boundary here? At what point do you say no? And what is the impact of that?

Too many leaders in business feel driven to do things that they don’t want to do. They believe they have no choice. They have to do it or risk losing their job. The problem with this is that it breeds a culture of people who say Yes to everything and before you know it, the working conditions become intolerable for everyone. We are creating our own reality by not having boundaries.

So if you are asked to achieve the impossible, it’s time to start setting boundaries. It’s time to start saying no. Time to start standing up for your rights. Time to start being creative about what is achievable and more importantly reasonable.

Where do you set boundaries?

Where are you doing things that you don’t want to because you have not set boundaries?

Putting it into practice

1. Consider a situation that you are not happy with, where you feel put upon or where things are not working for you.
2. What are you tolerating?
3. What are your boundaries? Where are they being overstepped?
4. Set your boundaries and be honest with others about your needs. Make conscious choices about how you want to live.

It’s time to stop walking blindly through life, being driven by external circumstances. It’s time to start living your life the way you want it. Of course, this is challenging. There is a price to be paid for living consciously. For every choice you make, there is an impact to be considered. Be prepared to deal with that and choose consciously.

With love,
Jude. x

Post from: Leaders By Nature

Setting boundaries to meet your needs

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Who am I as a leader?

What is the impact I want to have?

These are challenging questions. Challenging because it is questioning my fundamental purpose in life, my fundamental role as a leader. Challenging because in asking these questions, I realise that who I am as a leader is not always who other people want me to be.

Martin Luther King, Edward Kennedy, Nelson Mandela, Bob Geldof, Bono. These people are inspirational leaders. They were visionary. They challenged the status quo. They upset people along the way and they carried on because they knew that what they were fighting for was important… to them and the world.

And they inspire me. Oh they really do. They inspire me to know that I can be fallible, that I can have faults, make mistakes and that I can trust enough in myself and what I am doing to carry on.

I am currently leading four new projects (I call them leader quests):

1. A physical challenge quest to improve my own health and fitness – you can read more about this at my Coniston Challenge blog
2. An outdoor network to get people in business in the fresh air to improve their health and wellbeing and increase their productivity
3. A community quest to build a vibrant community spirit in my local village
4. A World Wise Leadership quest which involves collaborating with 2 other leaders to take the wisdom of the world and share it across cultures, through a video documentary, a book and workshops.

More on all of these in future posts. The key thing is that I’ve been considering who I am as a leader in those quests and the impact I want to have. I’ve realised that as a leader, I challenge the status quo; I challenge limiting beliefs – my own and others; I stretch beyond my comfort zone for the sake of making a difference in the world and I challenge others to do the same.

At my best, I’m a visionary. I’m bold. I wake myself and others up to being extraordinary. I want us to achieve our highest potential. I really want people to see that there are other ways of being in the world, other ways of seeing things and that when we step out of our comfort zone, we really can achieve extraordinary things – things that everyone believes are impossible. I am a leader with a huge heart, I love unconditionally. I am totally committed, connected and laser sharp. I’m a free spirit and playful. I’m serious too.

My impact is that I raise people’s consciousness to a higher level. I wake people up. I inspire them to be authentic and motivate them to reach out for more. I enable them to connect with their own true nature and to connect with others too.

Through my coaching and leadership work, I empower people to set themelves free of constraints and show up authentically, letting go of fears and limiting beliefs. I inspire people to step up to being a leader in their lives because it’s important and because the world needs us to be ourselves, to bring all of ourselves. The world needs us to show up.

And there is a price to be paid in all of this because I don’t always have the impact that I want to have. Sometimes people get scared and reject me or run away because sometimes being challenged and raising our consciousness is frightening too.

Someone recently spoke to me of an artist who explained how he brought all of himself to his painting and the way the brush moved on the canvas was so precise and exactly where he wanted it and the way he wanted it.

He realised that he needed to bring all of himself into his work in order to produce his best paintings. He also realised that not everyone would love his paintings and that’s the price he paid for being colourful.

That’s the impact we can have when we are at our best. We are bright and colourful. Some will love our painting and others will not. And yet if we keep our true selves hidden, afraid to bring all of ourselves into the world, we end up with a blank canvas that is not really expressing us and that nobody wants to see.

What colour are you as a leader?

What impact do you want to have?

Putting it into practice

1. Consider who are you as a leader.
2. Consider the impact you want to have.
3. What is the price that you have to pay?

I urge you to consider these questions. They are challenging. It’s up to us to paint our own canvas in the way that is authentic for each of us, knowing that not everyone will like the colours that we paint.

Be colourful. Paint your canvas. Be uniquely you, the way that only you can be.

With love,
Jude. x

Post from: Leaders By Nature

Who are you as a leader and what is your impact?

Related posts:

1. Stop being a busy clown and start being a leader

Outside, my garden is also a mess. I didn’t make time to do the usual autumn clearout so there are remains of dead plants and leaves everywhere.

So it’s no surprise to me that my mind is also jumbled. It’s reflecting my physical environment. (Or is it the other way round?)

My head is full of exciting project ideas, people I want to work with, ideas about a book I want to write, plans for my future but also old projects that I don’t enjoy, things that I need to do that are a chore. And I notice how I am hopping from one thing to another, unable to settle on one thing at a time.

It’s difficult to be effective when everything is cluttered.

And yet…. I wonder if there is another way of looking at this. As I look at the garden, covered in frost, I notice that there are more birds around this year who are enjoying the seeds from the flowers I didn’t deadhead. Almost certainly in the next few weeks they will also be coming back for material to build their nests with so I can expect their visits to continue for some time.

As I start to clear up my desk, I notice that there is a lot of work associated with a particular project that I am not really interested in. I’ve been letting it pile up because it has been too much of a chore to deal with it as it comes in.

So I wonder if the mess is part of the process. Part of highlighting the things that no longer serve us, part of letting go of the old and allowing the new to emerge. Not knowing what that new is… until it appears.

Now I am clear about the projects I am letting go of and that is creating space for the new projects to sort themselves out.

And I wonder if there is a way of allowing things to sort themnselves out naturally, a way that clarity appears from amongst the chaos without having to search hard for it?

What chaos is in your life and what is it telling you?

What clarity trying to emerge?

Putting it into practice

1. Notice where things are chaotic, a mess or jumbled… either physically or in your head.
2. What is the message in the chaos?
3. What are you wanting to let go of and what does that create space for?

Allow the chaos to be what it is. Let it rest and trust that clarity will emerge when the time is right.

Oh… and if you must have a New Year’s resolution, how about: Quit feeling guilty about the mess (or anything for that matter)!

With love,
Jude. x

Post from: Leaders By Nature

Finding clarity in the chaos

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1. Creating fun from chaos
2. Quieten the mind

Sadness…

Sadness because at great expense, global leaders came together to discuss a really important topic, something that is pivotal to society and our future and they failed to come to a satisfactory agreement.

Sadness because I watched countries pointing the finger at each other, trying to find someone to blame for the poor deal.

Sadness that this situation is replicated all over the world in governments and businesses. We look to the executive leadership teams to decide what we need to do and agree on the road we need to follow. We expect them to have all the answers to things that are beyond anything we have seen before, the answers to complex issues. Everyone has a different point of view, a different way of doing things, different agendas. Everyone blames everyone else. It seems an impossible situation.

…and hope

Hope that Copenhagen raised an important topic to the height of not just the political and social agenda but raised awareness of it to the masses. For more than two weeks, climate change has been the major topic of conversation. That can only be a good thing. It means that we care.  That we are starting to wake up to needing to look after the planet we live on. And in raising awareness, we become more conscious of the choices we are making on a daily basis.

Hope that people are starting to realise that every one of us must play a part. Instead of sitting around waiting for the global leaders to decide what we must do, every one of us  has a responsibility to look after the planet we live on, to preserve it for future generations. To personally reduce our waste, our pollution, our energy use.

Hope that our attention will go way beyond anything that was being discussed in Copenhagen. I believe that every one of us has a responsibility to live ethically and sustainably and in harmony…. with our own selves, with each other and with the planet. This is a really important point. That we live with compassion for ourselves, for each other and for the planet.

Taking action

One of the common complaints I hear in corporations is that people are expecting  the executive leadership team to do something to make their lives better.  We sit around and blame someone else, we wait for someone “at the top” to sort things out for us. Well, it’s time to start acting. It’s up to each of us to do our bit. To say no to things that are unjust, unethical and unsustainable. When we agree to do things that are not congruent with what we believe in, we are lacking integrity, we are colluding with the system.

Where are you colluding with the system?

How can you take responsibility and start taking action?

Of course, I’m not letting governments and executive leadership teams off the hook either. This is a joint responsbility, where every one of us can be a leader in every thing we do. So like the Greenpeace advert in the photo above…. don’t be a politician. Be a leader.

Putting it into practice

1. Consider an issue that you want resolved by “someone at the top”.
2. What small thing can you do to improve the situation?
3. Take action today.

Politicians talk… leaders act. Be a leader. Act today.

With love,
Jude. x

Post from: Leaders By Nature

Taking personal responsibility for action

No related posts.

It’s surprising how much change there has been and how much I have learned along the way. I hope my regular readers have enjoyed learning alongside me.

Here’s my summary of my key leadership lessons in 2009:

January – Creating the change we want to see in the world

Obama was inaugurated and set the tone for the year. He opened people up to possibilities, to dreaming what is possible rather than fighting the things we don’t like. He inspired me to realise that if we want to create the change we want to see in the world, our own small world or the larger global world, then we need to start acting. We need to do our bit. I realised that I was not making the best use of my talents and I started to change course.

What is the change you want to see in the world and what step can you take towards it?

February – Using nature as an inspiration for leadership

I joined a blogging course run by Daniel Scocco and Leaders by Nature was born. I became aware of how much I am inspired by nature and how it can teach us as leaders. I’m passionate about leaders connecting with nature. By that, I mean I want to see leaders connecting with their own true nature, their inner selves.

I want leaders to develop skills to connect better with each other, to learn to understand each other so that we can build harmonious relationships and work together for common goals. I realise how much nature can show us the way to be in rhythm with our natural world. Of course, this requires us to slow down and notice what is happening in nature.

What leadership lesson can nature teach you?

March – being bold creates opportunities

I wrote a blog about being bold and was inspired to take a year out of my corporate life and devote myself to building my coaching and leadership development business. In hindsight, I realise this was not so much a bold step as a natural step and yet at the time, it felt enormous… to let go of my career, to let go of the definition of who I thought I was. In letting go of being defined by the role and career I had, I opened myself up to greater opportunities and personal transformation.

What can you let go of to enable you to open up to opportunities?

April – leading with love

I started my year’s sabbatical and turned my attention to coaching and leadership and developed my blog. In doing so, I started to realise how little love there is in the workplace and how much more enjoyable our daily work is when it is built around love. I feel fortunate enough to be running a business that has love at its core. I love my clients and champion them along the way as they evolve naturally. When we see each other as human beings and learn to love each other, the workplace becomes a better place to be.

What happens when you allow yourself to love your colleagues?

May – being authentic

I started a year long Leadership course run by the Coaches Training Institute, a truly transformational journey which I am still on. After the first week, I started to understand the essence of me at a deeper level and learned to connect to the core of who I am and what I stand for in the world.

I realised how much I had been domesticated throughout my life and had lost my authenticity. In May, I regained it and built the foundations for my continuing growth throughout 2009.

Who are you when you show up fully in your authenticity?

June – the power of asking for help

I started to reach out and  ask for help with new projects. In doing so, I learned far more than just asking for help. I learned how to build deeper rapport with others and create greater intimacy. By asking people for help, I was giving them the chance to give me something. I opened up to being vulnerable, not needing to have all the answers and that was a gift to those who were able to help me.

Where can you ask for help? What is the gift you give someone else by asking for help?

July – mending broken relationships

I learned how to connect with someone who I did not originally have rapport with. I had made all sorts of assumptions up about her and had withdrawn. I learned how to lean into building rapport with someone with whom I felt I had little in common and in doing so, I learned my greatest gift of the year… the power of connections. I learned how easy it is to connect when we let go of needing to be right.

What broken relationship can you mend by leaning in and connecting?

August – the courage to speak the truth

I started to stretch into speaking my truth much more. I’ve always considered myself to be honest and direct. At this point in the year, I started to speak the hard truth, the things I knew people didn’t want to hear. I dared to be rejected and found that in most cases, I built deeper connections with people because I was courageous enough to be honest.

What truth  do you want to speak?

September – daring to fail

I learned that I can push past the “I can’t”. I realised that I say “I can’t” when what I really mean is “I don’t know how”. In daring to fail, spectacularly, I started to do things I’d never dared do before.

I let go of my self-limiting beliefs, the stories that I had previously told myself that hold me back. I learned to be open to every situation, to let go of needing to know how things look before embarking on trying something new.

What story do you have that holds you back and keeps you playing safe?

October – finding our natural rhythm of life

By taking some time out and spending time in nature, I saw the inspiration that nature offers us in everyday life. I realised how much my new life this year is in rhythm with the seasons and in time with my own natural rhythm of life. I’ve moved from rushing around frantically to being comfortable with my own pace and saying no to things that I have no space or time for.

What’s the natural rhythm of your life?

November – being liberated from the fear of rejection

In speaking my truth, people sometimes withdraw. It can be too powerful, too much. I learned how to be ok with that. To see each “rejection” as a temporary withdrawing. To trust that I come from a place of love and compassion and that those who want to engage with me, will stay, even when I call them forth. I no longer need to run in fear of rejection. I can embrace it, welcome it, learn from it. It’s more empowering to look at rejection in this way and more liberating.

What can you learn from rejection? How can you embrace it?

December – 2009 in review

So here I am looking back at 2009. What a ride. I feel as though I’ve transformed and evolved more this year than ever before. I started the year unhappy with my corporate life, running my coaching business in parallel and feeling drained of energy.

I end 2009 feeling solid and grounded and centred. I have a deep inner knowing about who I am and what I stand for. I have clarity around the impact I want to have on the world. That’s a huge achievement in one year. And I can say that with such confidence.

Gratitude for 2009

I am grateful for so many things in my life, in particular my amazing husband who stands so strong beside me on our journey together.  With him by my side, I trust that there is wisdom in every experience, that my vibrancy and aliveness is infectious and that I can have the impact on the world that I want to have.

To my clients, family and friends, I love you all deeply.

To my regular readers, I love and welcome your comments. When we engage in dialogue, my blog and life is enriched. I hope for more and deeper connections in 2010.

To those who are dropping by for the first time, you are most welcome and I greet you with open arms and would love to hear your stories.

I wish you all  health and happiness and look forward to sharing our evolution together in 2010.

With love,
Jude. x

Post from: Leaders By Nature

12 lessons in leadership from 2009

Related posts:

1. Authentic leadership is easy
2. Finding your natural rhythm of life
3. Speaking your truth

When we make a mistake, we can choose to see it as an opportunity for future growth and personal development or we can choose to see it as a failure. I have to remember that because it’s easy to forget.

I had my first singing lesson yesterday. I was a bit nervous because I’d never sung in front of anyone before. My teacher recorded my voice so I could take the recording away and listen to it and learn from it. When I listen back to me singing, I hear all the tuning errors (there were more than I thought there would be!!!). I hear all the things that I do with my voice that I don’t want to do.

In my head, I know how I want it to sound and it’s not like it actually sounds! It’s really easy to be critical. I could easily say it sounded terrible. Yet this is not a persepctive that serves me well. It’s the perspective that is most likely to make me want to give up.

Instead, I’m choosing another perspective…. in fact, several perspectives.

The first perspective is enjoyment and fun. I really enjoyed myself and had fun. From this perspective, it doesn’t really matter whether I sing in tune or not. The point is that I went along, sang and really enjoyed myself. It was so much fun. That makes me want to go back and try again. It’s a perspective that means the end result is not that important. I’m not planning to release an album or anything so as long as I have fun and my teacher doesn’t fire me, then why not go back and continue to have fun? That feels so liberating.

My second perspective is learning and growth. I’m just starting and have a lot to learn and I’m excited about where I’m going with this new journey.  I heard that I have a good tone, with some colour and opportunity to develop it much more. It’s a perspective that means there is more out there for me. That feels really empowering, like it’s opening up the possibilities. That anything (and nothing) is possible. It is whatever it is. The focus is on the growth and the journey.

My third perspective is liberation from failure. I was more confident that I expected to be; I was more willing to make a mess of it than I normally am in other situations. This feels like I’m growing in different ways. In fact, maybe that’s my first lesson…. not to improve my singing but to let go of needing to be good at something. Now that’s liberating. To just enjoy the experience and not have to achieve anything. No goal. Just pure pleasure.

Those 3 perspectives serve me so much better. Now I feel empowered, liberated, excited, open to having pure simple fun for no other reason than the simple pleasure of it.  How much more empowering that is than the original  (albeit very brief) perspective of: “that was terrible, I might as well give up”  which just feels draining and pointless.

So for now, I’m happily singing out of tune. I’m having fun. I hope to improve. I’m sure I can. I’m trusting that I will. I’m excited about my next lesson. More than that, I’m busting through an old pattern of behaviour that used to have me focussing on my failures. Now I’m choosing a different perspective… one that serves me much better, one that opens up my world. How liberating that is.

What perspective is no longer serving you?

What perspective would you like to have?

Putting it into practice

1. Consider where you beat yourself up.
2. What perspective do you have about that situation?
3. What other perspective would serve you better?
4. Do let me know how you get on by sharing your comments.

If you want to know more about perspectives and how they can help bust through old patterns of behaviour and ways of thinking, feel free to contact me to discuss.

With love,
Jude. x

Post from: Leaders By Nature

Exploring different perspectives

Related posts:

1. Choosing your speed

In the past, I would have found this really difficult. I’d have spent a lot of time chasing after them, trying to put things right.

This time, I’ve made my position clear and invited them to have a call with me to discuss. No response. This feels a lot like a rejection. And yet, I know it is not personal. I know it is a reflection of where they are right now.

Wow. This is actually a big relief for me. To allow someone to withdraw because they choose to withdraw and to allow it to happen.

It feels like a gift. Because, now I’ve set my self free. In accepting the rejection (feels like a strong word for what may be a temporary withdrawing), I’m letting go of the fear of being rejected. That gives me such freedom. It helps me push through any prevarication that I previously had with difficult decisions.

I realise how much I live my life being driven by the fear of rejection. I realise that I try to please people, I try not to upset them. I try to do the right thing. But what does that even mean? The right thing is different for everyone of us. How exhausting to try and please everyone! It’s impossible anyway.

So in the process, up until now, that has sometimes meant that I’ve been so careful about how I word things that sometimes my own wants and needs have gone unspoken. It has also meant that I’ve not always been as bold as I’d like to be. I sometimes play it cautiously in my business and personal life. I consider so carefully whether people will like what I have to offer, that I delay putting it out there.

Now, I feel free to try new things, to dare to fail more. I dare make mistakes and risk being rejected. Because the real truth is… that the people who really love me will not reject me for saying something that they might not want to hear or for suggesting they do something that they don’t want to do. The people who really love me are more likely to come back and reconnect. Engage and discuss. Create from each other until we are united.

And in terms of my business, there will always be rejection after rejection. No after No. And it’s not personal. It just means, I’m not right for those people who say No.

So now, I’m stepping deeper into my authenticity. Daring to do what feels right to me, daring to say what feels right. Knowing that I come from a position of love and compassion for everyone, even when they might not want to hear what I say. And knowing that not everyone out there will get me or my business. Not everyone will understand what I bring.

That’s liberating. It’s expanding the possibilities. It means I can be fully me, saying and doing things I’ve never dared to do and say before, trusting that those who want to connect with me actually will… when they choose to.

Where are you holding back?

What is the fear of rejection stopping you from saying or doing?

Putting it into practice

1. Consider where you hold back for fear of rejection.
2. What do you really want to say or do?
3. Say or do waht you want to say or do, from a place of love and compassion for all parties.
4. Do let me know how you get on.

Be bold. Set yourself free.

With love,
Jude. x

Post from: Leaders By Nature

Is the fear of rejection running your life?

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I don’t know where to start. I don’t know where it will lead. I don’t know if people will get it. There are more things I don’t know about it than concrete things that I am sure of.

In the past, in my corporate job, I’ve taken on new roles that were not clearly defined and I found a way to make things work, even when I was not sure how to at the beginning. It’s what I’ve spent my whole career doing.

And yet somehow, this is different. This has more meaning to me (and I believe to the world around me) than anything I’ve ever done before. This is something that will enhance the wellbeing of others, that will connect people with their own true nature as well as the nature of others and the natural world. It’s no longer about doing a job for a payrise or a promotion. It’s about doing something meaningful, aligned with my life purpose for the sake of making an impact on the world. Something that is created from my heart and soul.

So it is with some trepidation that I spring into action. When I say “spring”, It’s more of a nudging gently forward and dipping my toe in than diving in. For a long time, I’ve been considering what I need to do and actually, I’m not getting any nearer. So last week, I started talking to people about my idea and I realised that there is even more appetite for it than I could have dreamed of. Each person I speak to has different ideas that build on the last and I am creating from everyone I speak to. Creating from others.

Suddenly, I realise I am not alone with this. Whilst it was initially my idea, everyone I speak to adds a different perspective. Everyone builds on the last conversation and already just by talking about it, it’s evolving into something different from my first thought. I realise that I am surrounded by wisdom. I know people who know people who can help me get started with this. The more I reach out and ask for help, the more people come my way and offer support, in a variety of ways. The world is full of wisdom. I just need to ask and listen for the answer.

This morning I had a long skype call with a wonderful friend (hello Steven) who is opening his heart to the world. He is allowing himself to go wherever his heart takes him. That’s a bold thing to do. He knows that his ideas are meaningful. I know it too. He doesn’t yet know what it will look like when it comes to fruition.  But he trusts that the answers will come to him when he opens his heart and truly listens to the wisdom in the world. And he is doing just that. That’s inspirational.

The more we spoke, the more we added to each other’s ideas, building and building, creating something better than either of us could do alone. I know we will work together soon. I don’t need to know how.  I just need to trust that we will. When the time is ready. When we are ready. And I’m opening and expanding to the possibilities of what that might be and what it might look like.

So I’m letting go of needing to have any answers. I can create the answers from the questions around me, from the perspectives and ideas that others have. We are all in it together, creating from each other. We are never alone.

What can you create from others?

What are the possibilities when you open up and expand yourself?

Putting it into practice

1. Consider where you want to make changes.. either in your own life, your work or an impact that you want to have on the world.
2. Start opening the dialogue with everyone around you. Open up to the possibilities.
3. Let go of needing to know what it will look like or how you will achieve it. Consider where you are holding yourself back.
4. Take one step towards it. Have fun. Create from others.
5. Let me know how you get on by posting your comments below.

Much love,
Jude. x

Post from: Leaders By Nature

Creating from others – why you don’t need all the answers

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It has helped me navigate important decisions and know whether I am really living the life I want to live or the one that I think I should be living because everyone else thinks it’s right.

Which life are you living?

The life that fulfils you or the life you think you should be living?

As part of the year long Co-active Leadership programme I am doing, I’ve refined my life purpose statement. More than that, I am now creating actions that align with it. It’s one thing to have a life purpose. It’s another to actually live it every day of my life.

I am passionate about people understanding their inner selves and finding their true nature. I am passionate about building harmonious relationships and we do that when we connect with the nature of others and really understand them. And I’m passionate about the glory of the planet we live on, the diversity of the landscape, animals and nature, mountains and valleys, rough seas and calm pools, rushing rivers and gentle streams.

Nature represents the diversity in life. I love to travel and experience the amazing planet we live on. I love meeting people and discovering that although we have varied and interesting cultures, languages and behaviours, we are fundamentally the same. We are all human. We are all breathing in and out, all exchanging energy. We are all one.

So my life purpose is to connect people with nature – their own true nature, the nature of others (i.e. relationships) and the  glory of the natural world that we live in.

And for the first time in my life, I now have a business plan that involves doing just this. I plan to get people in business out in the fresh air,connecting with nature, their own true nature and connecting with the nature of others. Enhancing their wellbeing, their productivity, building community and being in harmony with our environment. I know this is just the beginning and I’m excited about the ride ahead. I hope you’ll join me along the way as I navigate the ups and downs of living my life purpose.

What’s your life purpose?

What is the essence of you?

When you know the essence of you, you can step into being more authentic, bringing more of you into the world, including your work life as well as your personal life. That’s compelling. And when you find your passion and really live it, you’re compelling.

Putting it into practice

1. If you have a life purpose statement already, consider how you are living your life in alignment with it. Make one small change today that will start to move you closer towards it.
2. If you don’t already have a life purpose, consider working with a coach to define one. Or try googling “life purpose”. There are plenty of free resources out there to get you started.

If you want help defining your life purpose, contact me for a special 45 mins Life Purpose coaching session.

With love,
Jude. x

Post from: Leaders By Nature

Living according to my life’s purpose

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There is a lot of sighing and looking at watches.

Some people are complaining that it’s an inconvenience and that they are too busy to take the time out  of their lives to do jury service. Others are scared and are impatient to be released and hope not to have to do it.

A third group are delighted to be doing jury service and are desperate to be called into the courtroom and get going. They anxiously rub their hands together and dare not go to the bathroom for fear of missing their chance.

The final group (small in number) are enjoying the space that this brings. I have an excellent book with me (Three cups of tea by Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin) and I’m enjoying the opportunity to read without interruption.

Whatever is happening here today is beyond our control. The process is what it is. On the surface, it seems inefficient and yet, we only see a small part of what is going on. Trials stop and start for all sorts of reasons. Meanwhile, the jurors are waiting. Waiting for the process to unfold.

Those who are present and patient are much more relaxed than the others. I realise that this is a choice. I am choosing to be relaxed because I’ve realised that fighting it and being anxious is not going to change the situation. And with the tense energy around me, that’s not so easy.

How patient are you in allowing things to unfold naturally?

How present are you in what you are doing in each moment?

Whilst I am being patient and present at the court, it’s not something I normally find easy. I’ve recently started to learn qi gong and it involves learning a new move each week which is added onto the previous series of moves. I’ve been impatient to learn the next move each week. Impatient to become proficient at it. Which rather defeats the object of qi gong which is really a form of moving meditation, a way of being mindful and present and relaxed.

Relaxing is the key. So often, we rush about our daily lives that we don’t make time to be present. We don’t make time to enjoy every moment, whatever it is… including the traffic delay on the way to work. And I realise that I can only be patient and present when I relax into the moment and accept it for what it is. Breathe into it. Notice what is here and allow it to be what it is.

Putting it into practice

1. Think of an activity you do regularly that you find frustrating e.g. driving to work, brushing your teeth, washing up.
2. Next time you do it, breathe. Get really present. Notice what is happening.
3. Consider what is positive about the situation (e.g. traffic delay gives you chance to plan your day).
4. Make being patient and present a choice in every moment.
5. Post your comments below and let us know how you get on.

Be patient. Be present. Be at peace.

With love,
Jude. x

Post from: Leaders By Nature

Being patient and present

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I know firsthand that it’s not sustainable long term. I’ve done my share of working long hours, travelling a lot with work and throwing myself into my leisure time with the same ferocity and velocity and I became exhausted.

Those who know me will also know that I have a tendency to break bones when I’m living life at too fast a pace! I see many clients, colleagues and friends who are also exhausted and still trying to maintain the status quo of high activity.

There are times throughout the year where our activities increase e.g. at the end of the term for teachers, at financial month and year end for those in business, at Christmas when we go out more and have more shopping to do.

There’s nothing wrong with being busy. It’s a natural rhythm of life. The problem comes when we increase our activites to that high level and try to maintain it  longterm at an unsustainable level.

That’s when it becomes out of balance with the natural world, out of balance with the natural rhythm of the earth. When we live in towns and cities and spend much of our time in offices, it’s easy to get out of balance with the natural world. We can get caught up in the materialism of modern day society and believe we need to be busy to sustain that way of life.

There is another way.

I look to nature as an inspiration to show me how to find a more natural rhythm. There are moments throughout the year when nature is busy too. Like the bees in the summer, cross-pollinating the flowers, the squirrels gathering in the harvest in autumn to sustain them over the winter, the flowers in spring which grow at an alarming rate.

We too can harmonise with the rhythm of the earth and find our own rhythm of life. A rhythm that feels energising and gentle, exciting and sustaining, both for ourselves and the world around us.

What’s the rhythm of your life?

What rhythm would serve you right now?

Putting it into practice

1. Get out in the fresh air every day for at least 5 minutes and connect with nature. Breathe.
2. Notice what is happening in nature and draw the comparison with your own life. Notice where nature is working as designed, bending and flexing.
3. If you are moving at a fast unsustainable pace, it might be time to start saying no to things, time to ask for help. If you are prevaricating and have become static, then notice what needs to happen. Do yoou need time out to recharge or is it time to start moving?
4. Find a new rhythm that nourishes and sustains you, excites and energises you.
5. Post your comments below on how you get on.

Go out and connect with nature – your own true nature, the nature of others and the natural world. It’s time to find your natural rhythm of life.

With love,
Jude. x

Post from: Leaders By Nature

Finding your natural rhythm of life

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As leaders, our physical, emotional and spiritual health is essential to enable us to have the stamina to lead in often challenging environments and situations.

The thing is… I’m low on energy at the moment. I believe that we are what we eat so I know that my low energy is down to what I am putting into my body. I normally eat a healthy diet and drink lots of water. For some reason, I’ve allowed my normal habits to slip in the last few months.

Telling on myself

I’m telling on myself as a first step to get back on track:

1. I’m drinking too much caffeine
2. I’m not drinking enough water
3. I’m eating too much bread which causes erratic sugar levels
4. I’m eating a lot of chocolate and cakes, further exacerbating my sugar craving
5. I’m not eating 5 portions of fruit and veg a day
6. When my husband is away, I’m not cooking properly for myself (hello Paul, yes, I can see your eyes rolling in despair!)
7. I’m eating more processed food than normal (I normally only eat freshly prepared food)

So what has gone wrong? These are all bad habits that I have a tendency to slip in and out of periodically. For some reason, I’ve allowed them all to slip at the same time. and for longer than usual so that they have become the norm.  By allowing these bad habits to take over, my energy levels have slipped and I’m lacking the energy to make the effort to plan and prepare healthy meals.

So I’m telling on myself because by making it public and writing it down, I’m accepting this it’s not ok. I’m accepting that I have bad habits that I’m not proud of, that I  am being lazy, that I am making looking after myself more difficult than it needs to be.

Getting back on track

The thing is that now I’ve accepted it, it seems like a mammoth task to get back on track. There are so many bad habits to let go of. So I’m going to make it easy and start with one step at a time. This morning, I had porridge with banana instead of toast. That’s a start. It seems a small step and it is. Deliberately. Because I know that that is a habit I can keep up for the rest of the week. And next week, I can focus on cutting out another bad habit.

So in 6 weeks, I should be back on track. Of course, I’d like to think I can get back on track in 2 days… and I’m realistic. I know that if I set my expectations too high, I set myself up to fail. So instead, I’m making it easy and taking one small step at a time.

You see, I realise that adopting bad habits is quick and easy and they have become the norm. When I think about it, it’s been a steady decline of unhealthy eating over the last 2-3 months. And letting go of each bad habit will take a similar amount of time if I am to stick with it long term. If I take it slowly, I can make it easy to let them go and in 6 weeks, I can be back on my normal healthy diet again.

What bad habits have you adopted either as a leader or in your personal life?

What will it take to get you back on track?

Putting it into practice

1. Consider an area in your life where you have allowed bad habits to creep in. It might be food, exercise or at work.
2. Identify the 5-6 bad habits.
3. Choose the easiest one to change and do it for a week. Then in week 2, choose an additional habit to overturn and so on until you are back on track.
4. Post your comments below and let me know how you are making changes for the better.

Letting go of bad habits can be difficult… or we can make it easy. What will you choose?

With love,
Jude. x

Post from: Leaders By Nature

Letting go of bad habits one step at a time

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