Latest Bash.org QDB Quotes

Bash.org QDB - 907600

<+ekolis> I remember the IT support guy at school gave this HUGE presentation about laptop batteries
<+ekolis> and how you should not even THINK about using your laptop for a presentation until you make sure the batteries are ok
<+ekolis> because if it blows up and damages all the fancy new projectors...
<+ekolis> then your parents will not be happy
<+ekolis> not just a dead kid, but a huge projector bill too

Bash.org QDB - 907026

Sherri: Do you know what Rodeo Sex is?
Jason: No.
Sherri: It's when you mount your woman from behind, start going nice and slowly, take her hair and pull her head back slightly and whisper in her ear "Your sister was better than you...", and try to hold on for 8 seconds.

Bash.org QDB - 907021

<Jesus> a black baby died and went to heaven
<Jesus> and god looked at him and said, "you've earned your wings"
<Jesus> and gave the black baby wings
<Jesus> the black baby look up and said, "am i really an angel now"
<Jesus> and God looked down and said,
<Jesus> "HELL NAW, NIGGA, YOU A BAT"

Bash.org QDB - 907014

Sherri: A man comes home and shouts "Honey! Pack your bags! I just hit the lottery!"
Sherri: She screams "OMG! What should I pack?"
Sherri: He says, "Everything! Get the f*** out!"

Bash.org QDB - 906902

Alex: A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room. "Where the hell do you think you're going?" he says. "I'm going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a blow job there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free."
Alex: The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well. "Where do you think you going?" the wife asks. "I'm coming with you...I want to see how you survive on $800 a year!!!"

Bash.org QDB - 906256

<popemichael> I was in line to buy a new DVD player. The woman in front of me was having something delivered.
<popemichael> The clerk asked for her 'street name' she replied "I don't have one I go by Shanice."

Bash.org QDB - 905920

<+Djiem> There, I'm troll-baiting my whole MSN friendlist
<+Djiem> "Oh shit, know what's happening December 2012 ?!?!"
<+Djiem> And if anyone asks me what, I'll say "I turn 30"

Bash.org QDB - 905885

<+Dr_Link> SSL certificate: $30.
<+CoJaBo-Aztec> Dell mainframe server: $1.
<+CoJaBo-Aztec> Discount cupon: -$80,000.
<+Dr_Link> Getting hacked by a POST injection: Priceless.

Bash.org QDB - 905874

<Phyxius> Hmm there are some black people hanging around outside the gates at the end of my driveway, brb
<Courtney> mkay hb
<Phyxius> HOLY SHIT THEYRE GONE
<Courtney> The black people?
<Phyxius> NO, MY GATES

Bash.org QDB - 905841

<Lemonzest> just installed my normal packages for openbsd :)
<antiphase> I just had a shit
<Lemonzest> antiphase: wonderful, why dont you twitter it
* antiphase isn't a twitter shitter

Bash.org QDB - 905833

chrismat: Oki offtopic question. If a laptop bluescreens during first install, and then when you are using it what is the cause?
DBuzz: windows

Bash.org QDB - 905679

themuffinman217: so what are the specs on your new system?
themuffinman217: did you benchmarck it?
Treeko: 16khz processor
Treeko: 7 bytes of ram
Treeko: 100 bits of harddrive space
Treeko: a 16x16 monochrome display
themuffinman217: qort36i16[okf[23
Treeko: and the audio can do beeps in both high pitch AND low pitch
themuffinman217: so... dell?

Bash.org QDB - 904758

<RetardedMonkey> How would you pronounce this child's name?
<RetardedMonkey> She spells her name..... "Le-a"
<RetardedMonkey> This child attends a school in Livingston Parish, LA..
<RetardedMonkey> Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong.
<RetardedMonkey> She says it's pronounced.................
<RetardedMonkey> "Ledasha"
<RetardedMonkey> When the Mother was asked how in the world did she figured it should be pronounced that way....... she said....
<RetardedMonkey> ..."cause the dash don't be silent!"
<RetardedMonkey> English language is gone forever

Bash.org QDB - 904755

<~Cor> you know though
<~Cor> how sometimes you get in that mood where romance is out the window and you just want to shove your dick in something?
* ~Cor is in one of those moods
<&K> I call that mood "awake".

Bash.org QDB - 904034

<yalborap> So there're these 'don't start forest fires' commercials telling me to get my smokey on. And all I can think is "If an anthromorphic bear in a pair of jeans and one of those ranger hats comes up and tells me not to set stuff on fire, I probably already did".

Bash.org QDB - 903821

<StanM> Pussy is like MP3s
<StanM> For every one who pays for it, theres thousands more getting it for free.

Bash.org QDB - 903635

<Merrick> Only reason I ever payed attention in economics was so I could learn how to merchant in Runescape

Bash.org QDB - 903604

<stc> Pray to God every morning that you can live.
<Salman> you should also take a shower every morning so that others can live.

Bash.org QDB - 903345

SayLo2MyLilFren: dude im a genesis
ctnpinciotti: ?
SayLo2MyLilFren: i found out how you can get by port 25 blocking
ctnpinciotti: you're a what?
SayLo2MyLilFren: i did it on my cousins computer
ctnpinciotti: wait...
ctnpinciotti: you're a what?
SayLo2MyLilFren: ?
ctnpinciotti: genesis?
SayLo2MyLilFren: ya
ctnpinciotti: ah ok, it all makes sense now.
SayLo2MyLilFren: what?

Bash.org QDB - 903172

insomniac: why is it that if you grind corn up into mush, eat it, it shows up as a full kernel in the toilet a few days later?
Steelix: He's right.
insomniac: what happens in my stomach...
mindule: insom: that's very interesting
PixelGuru: damn
PixelGuru: i pity you when you eat applesauce
insomniac: haha

Bash.org QDB - 902659

<TheJoeMan> requested old boss as facebook friend, i wanna see what happens
<TheJoeMan> maybe she'll finally realize that i'm not on drugs and am actually like that normally

Bash.org QDB - 902611

<Jared> HI Alpha!!!!OMFG ITS S GOOD TO HEAR FROM YOU....HOW WAS YOUR DAY???
<AlphaLemming> I'm frightened.
<Jared> what. im being 'chipper'
<AlphaLemming> no, you're being psychotic
<AlphaLemming> it's a slightly different font

Bash.org QDB - 902573

<Random> No one knows what it's like .. to be the bad man
* Nebi has kicked Random from #deltaanime (Sorry to interupt but I just wanted to say what Beyonce had one of the best video of all time)

Bash.org QDB - 902229

Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Omegle is not a dating site. Please try to have interesting conversations here!
Stranger: [Omegle is required to tell you that you are chatting with a registered sex offender. This message cannot be viewed by Stranger.]
Stranger: Hey
Stranger: I'm horny
You: So it is true what they say about you?

Bash.org QDB - 902013

<Jelena> Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.

Bash.org QDB - 901989

Bkblood: Im such an idiot. There was a quote on bash of someone asking a stupid question and i looked for 30 minutes trying to reply to it :/

Bash.org QDB - 901660

<Andries> jesus if i can run this myspace page i could probs run crysis

Bash.org QDB - 901460

<Stormscape> Yo dawg we heard you like Macs so we only put one pedal in your car

Bash.org QDB - 901201

<DrBob> You'll never get it. Men weren't meant to understand women.
<Odin> not true.
<Odin> I've managed to solve for the fundamental logic operation of women.
<DrBob> It's just best to let them do what they want, so they'll let us do stuff to them.
<Odin> Nono let me explain.
<Odin> Women are fundamentally amplifiers.
<Odin> Anything you give them expect to get back multiplied
<Odin> give them money you don't have in the form of a credit card, expect a huge debt
<Odin> give them a little love, and they'll give you a lot of love back
<Odin> give them a little DNA in the bedroom
<Odin> and they give you a baby
<Odin> So if you give them crap, you'd better be ready to recieve a ton of shit

Bash.org QDB - 900639

(ndrj): anyone good with sound tech here?
(ndrj): if i put a pair of cheap mp3 headphones in my PC i get lots of buzzing/electric noise, but if I put decent/expensive pair in i don't. what is it that removes this, what should I be looking for when I buy a pair? :P
(decx): the sennheiser logo

Bash.org QDB - 900148

* Vesper is now known as CodyB
<Teku> why the nick change?
<CodyB> I'm teaching this hot chick how to use IRC
<xanatos> ...why
<CodyB> I got grounded for two weeks and I can't call anyone. I figured I could talk to her here, at least.
<CodyB> be cool, I'm teaching her about channels and she might come in here
<xanatos> how did you get grounded
<CodyB> I locked my sister outside for three hours.
<xanatos> i bet she didnt like that
* StacyF has joined #randomshit
<CodyB> yeah I thought my parents were going to kill me
<CodyB> oh hey, there you are
<Teku> So you had sex with your sister on your parents bed and they walked in on you? Wow Cody, you're lucky you only got grounded for two weeks.
<StacyF> eeew you sick fuck
* StacyF has left #randomshit
<Teku> I know you're going to kill me later, but it was so worth it
<CodyB> you motherfucker

Bash.org QDB - 900016

thrasher: I'm thinking of starting a business in california
thrasher: it would be a socialist abortion clinic and pot dispensary, with new gay marriage chapel
kthxglhf: And dry cleaning
thrasher: why dry cleaning?
kthxglhf: so u can reuse coat hangers

Bash.org QDB - 899898

Alex: So I was in the doctors yesterday, when my time came a large woman walked out of his room and I walked in. He said 'God bless her, I just confirmed to her that
she was morbidly obese.'
Alex: I wasn't too sure what to say, but replied 'You shouldn't have told her that, the poor woman has enough on her plate.'

Bash.org QDB - 899865

serpentine9: why doesnt bash.org ever accept my quotes
DaveIt: bash.org has a strict policy of only accepting quotes that are either unoriginal or related to bash.org-rejection-induced frustration.
DaveIt: This quote happens to be both, so we have a decent shot.

Bash.org QDB - 899702

<vartopia> you're not an alcoholic til you're drinking nail polish and listerine
<vartopia> that you shoplifted

Bash.org QDB - 899042

<Nicowl> Read on a Rohypnol packet "Best consume before date"

Bash.org QDB - 898997

ian: I've remembered the password....
ian: felt like Gandalf stood outside Moria
ian: uttering every password I could remember from the last 5 years

Bash.org QDB - 898225

<Funzo> can any of you guys speak french?
<Time-Warp> i can
<Time-Warp> i know how to say bongshure
<Time-Warp> or something

Bash.org QDB - 897655

<Josh> I don't understand why churches and 'family groups' spend millions of dollars a year on abstinence-only instruction when a World of Warcraft account only costs fifteen dollars a month and has a much better record of ensuring virginity.

Bash.org QDB - 896918

<ianazza> jay you know if im wireless yeh
<ianazza> well my son has broke his linksyst wirless adaptor
<ianazza> can he use a usb memory stick while he gets a new adaptor#
<JayR> a memory stick for what?
<ianazza> to go wirless
<JayR> a memory stick os for storing files on
<ianazza> well to get on net
<JayR> a memory stick is a memory stick m8
<ianazza> Oh i thoguht you cud use it as a flash drive or watever to get on net
<ianazza> using my wireless connection
<JayR> he in same house?
<ianazza> yeh
<JayR> he got a wireless dongle?
<ianazza> no he broke it
<JayR> no then
<ianazza> ok ta
<JayR> hows the wireless signal gonna get to his pc without a wireless card ot dongle?
<ianazza> thought you could save the wireless connection to usb memeory stick put it in his comp and presto
<JayR> aughing My ss ff
<JayR> no m8

Bash.org QDB - 896740

<silicate> shit, it looks like it's gonna be sunny on saturday
* Zally glares at you
<silicate> that's not good ... for reasons, that would require a much un-needed and long story
<Zally> hmm, ya ill take your word for it?
<silicate> yeah, i don't feel like explaining it
<Zally> Its all good
<Zally> I dont feel like pretending im interested

Bash.org QDB - 896530

<Catonic_lp> What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
<opticron> superman
<m0j0-j0j0> Superman
<Catonic_lp> Christopher Walken

Bash.org QDB - 896498

<USMarine> if someone +v's me, how do I talk?
<USMarine> i have the mic plugged in obviously
<USMarine> do i have to push a button or something

Bash.org QDB - 896407

< cunt^chocula> I think there will be Michael Jackson sightings the way there are Elvis sightings now

Bash.org QDB - 896406

Marshall: A friend of mine knows a band from his hometown who played on one of the ferries that go between Finland and Sweden. When they were about to board in Stockholm, the Swedish equivalent of the DEA shows up with dogs and everything, so the guys in the band freak out 'cause they've (obviously) got their dope with them. After a few minutes of "fuck maaaan, what're we gonna do maaaaan!?", one of them goes to a Wal-Mart type store and buys a little remote-controlled helicopter. They proceed to plant the stash on it, leave it on the quay, board the boat and then use the remote to fly the drugs onto the ship

Bash.org QDB - 896077

<XenThra> I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
<DevXen> Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.

Bash.org QDB - 895141

Connor: Firefox 3.5. Download it.
Andrew: Give me the top 5 reasons to download it.
True: In iambic pentameter
Connor: For private browsing, tear-off tabs and then some,
Connor: Download Firefox three point five and see:
Connor: It's using Gecko one point nine point one,
Connor: And over twice as fast as Firefox three.
Connor: Pwned.

Bash.org QDB - 895093

<Metroid> FUCKING IDIOTS
<Metroid> STUPID FUCKIGN DK AGROS 2 MOBS ON PURPOSE
<Metroid> STUPID FUCKING HUNTER TRIES TO TANK MOBS AFTER HE RESSER
<Metroid> STUPID FUCKING HEALER SAT THERE THE WHOLE FIGHT
<Metroid> GODDAMN
<Lemming|> chill out
<Metroid> AND THEN THEY ALL FUCKING LEAVE
<Metroid> THIS GAME ISN'T HARD ENOUGH FOR PEOPLE TO BE THIS BAD AT IT
<Metroid> RRRRRRAAAAAAEEEEEEGGGGGG
<Metroid> yay 7chan is back
<Faer> did anyone else notice Metroid's fierce unrestrained rage was just calmed down by CP

Bash.org QDB - 894647

<NimF> The lesbians next door bought me a rolex for my birthday.
<NimF> I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch...

Bash.org QDB - 894484

<echoplex> do you type by throwing chopsticks at a keyboard that is spinning or something?