Jokes

Beautiful Lady

2010-12-14T22:17:00.000-08:00

Man : I am looking for a beautiful lady
Woman : Here i come
Man : Good.. now help me to find her.. :-)

Will you marry?

2010-01-05T05:17:00.000-08:00

Husband : Will you marry after my death?
Wife: No I will live with my sister. Will you marry after my death?
Husband: No I will also live with your sister.

Teacher student Joke

2009-12-19T07:52:00.000-08:00

1.
Teacher: Now, you must not say, “I ain’t goin’.” You should say, “I am not going, he is not going; we are not going; they are not going.”

Student: Wow! Ain’t nobody goin’ then?

2.
Teacher: I wish you'd pay a little attention Rohit.
Rohit: I am paying as little as I can teacher.

Funny Quotes

2009-12-01T03:59:00.000-08:00

1. Defination of Friends:

Friends are those who can make us laugh when we are crying.... and
vice versa. ;-)

2. I am unique, just like everyone else

3. I don't have a drinking problem... I'm just really thirsty

4. I stopped fighting my inner demons we are now on the same side now

5. I had a dream.....and I was dreaming same dream in that dream

6. I am not confused, am i ?

Joke

2009-11-29T07:11:00.000-08:00

The Teacher had asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week.

One student got up to read his. It began, "My daddy fell in well last week."

"Oh god!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he OK?"

"He must be," said Student. "He stopped calling for help yesterday."

The moment of truth

2009-09-02T11:44:00.000-07:00

Rahul's Dad brought home a robot one day.

The robot had the ability to detect lies and would slap the person who lied.
Rahul returned late from school.
Dad asked, “Son why are you late from school?”
“Dad, we had extra classes today”.
Robot slapped Rahul on his face.
Dad shouted, "Come on tell me the truth, why are you late?"
“Dad, I went to see the movie Ten Commandments.”
Robot slapped Rahul on his face.
Sorry dad, I went to see the movie "Chameli Ki Jawaani".
"Shame on you son, when I was your age, I never watched obscene movies or misbehaved."
Immediately, Dad gets a slap on the face from the robot..
Rahul's mom comes walking out of the kitchen and says to her husband, "After all, he's your son!"

The robot slaps the mom.

Family Problems

2009-08-06T23:44:00.000-07:00

Comparison of Complexities of American Family and Indian Family ... Very Funny Joke:-)

Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar drinking shot after shot. The Indian man said to the American, "You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once." We call this arranged marriage. I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love... I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems." The American said, Talking about love marriages... I'll tell you my story. I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years. "After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law. Legally now my daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother. More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he is my uncle. Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son i.e. my brother is my grandson. Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson.. And you say you have family problems.. Gimme a break !!

Funny Court Jokes

2009-08-06T10:19:00.000-07:00

Things people have actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Husband Wife Jokes

2009-07-15T06:45:00.000-07:00

Categories : Husband wife jokes and men women jokes

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is
always right and the other is the husband!

Husband says; "When I'm gone you'll never find another man like me".
Wife replied; "What makes you think I'd want another man like you!"

First Soldier: "What made U go into the army?"
Second Soldier: "I had no wife and I loved war. What about you?"
First Soldier: "Well, I had a wife and loved peace."

To Loose Weight

2009-07-09T01:28:00.000-07:00

Categories : Santa Banta Jokes

The doctor told Santa singh that if he ran 8 kilometers a day for
300 days, he would loose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Santa singh
called the doctor over STD to report he had lost the weight, but he had a
problem.
"What's the problem?"asked the doctor.
"I'm 2400 kms from home."

Funny Qoutes

2009-07-05T06:25:00.000-07:00

Here are some Funny Quotes

1. Love is blind, marriage opens eyes !

2. God give me strength to remain patient, right now !!

3. Love animals, they are tasty !!

4. Save water ! Drink Bear !!

5. Money is not everything ; Credit cards are also there ....

Clever Boy

2009-06-30T01:33:00.000-07:00

Men Women Joke

BOY: My girlfriend broke up with me.
she sent her pics with her new boyfriend
FRIEND : really bad
what u did ?
BOY: I sent them to her dad..............

Husband Wife funny story

2009-06-10T09:07:00.000-07:00

Categories: Husband Wife Jokes and Men Women jokes

A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem. The doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and s o on until you get a response."

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he washing the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens." Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?" No response. So the husband moves to closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?" Still no response. Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, Honey, what's for dinner?"
Again he gets no response so, He walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for dinner?" Again there is no response. So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for dinner?"

;

; "James, for the FIFTH time I've said, CHICKEN!"

Joke

2009-06-03T13:08:00.000-07:00

Army Joke

The Army has been experimenting for years to come up with a liquid that will eat through anything and they finally did it. It eats through glass, stainless steel, iron,and all kinds of metal, rock and granite. Now if they could only find something to put it in.

Men's diary vs Women's diary

2009-05-30T11:09:00.000-07:00

This is men women categorized joke

Women's DIARY
------------ ------

Day night, I thought he was acting
weird. We had made plans to meet at a
cafe to have some coffee. I was shopping with my friends
all day long, soIely thought he was upset at the fact that I
was a bit late,
but he made no comment.Conversatio n wasn't flowing so

I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but
he kept quiet and absent. I asked
him what was wrong - he said,

"Nothing."I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had
nothing to do with me and not to worry.

On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept
driving.. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say, "I love u,too."

When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.
He just sat there and watched TV.; he seemed distant and absent.Finally I
decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed. I decided
that I could not take it anymore,

so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep.

I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. I don't know what to
do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.

My life is gonna be a disaster.

Men's DIARY
==========

Today India lost the cricket match
against bangladesh.

DAMN
IT.

Simplicity of Men
Vs
Complexity of Women !!!

Husband Wife Joke

2009-05-29T06:36:00.001-07:00

A posted in a couples home ....
"I am the boss of the house...
I have my wife's permission to say so!!!"

Husband Wife Joke

2009-05-29T06:36:00.000-07:00

A posted in a couples home ....
"I am the boss of the house...
I have my wife's permission to say so!!!"

Mathematical Joke

2009-05-28T12:13:00.000-07:00

Categories of this joke are joke, funny joke and sms jokes

A teacher teaching ALGEBRA

“If x=y & y=z
so it means.. x=z
any example?”

Student :”Sir, if I love u & u love ur daughter, it means I love ur daughter”;

Do you like this joke?? Do Comment.

Positive Approach

2009-05-23T09:03:00.000-07:00

This article comes under Joke and fun categories

Father : I want you to marry a girl of my choice.
Son : "I will choose my own bride!"
Father : "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case...OK"

Next Day

Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father : "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates : "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Father : "But this young man i s a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates : "Ah, in that case... OK"

Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.

Father: "I have a young man to be recommended a s a vice-president. "
President : "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Father : "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President : "Ah, in that case... OK"

This is how business is done!!

Moral: Even if you have nothing, you can get anything. But your attitude & approach should be positive.

Labels : Jokes , joke , fun

Dress robbery !!!

2009-05-22T06:36:00.000-07:00

This joke Comes under category Husband Wife Joke

The judge frowned at the tired robber and said, “then you admit breaking into the same store on three successive nights?” ”Yes, your honor.”

“And why was that?” “Because my wife wanted a dress.”

The judge check with his records, “But it says here you broke in three nights in a row!”

“Yes sir. She made me exchange it two times.”

Water In carburetor

2009-05-21T07:11:00.000-07:00

Wife: “There’s trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor.”

Husband: “Water in the carburetor? That’s ridiculous.”

Wife: “I tell you the car has water in the carburetor.”

Husband: “You don’t even know what a carburetor is. Where’s the car?”

Wife: “In the swimming pool.”

The difference between men and women

2009-05-18T04:06:00.000-07:00

A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out the window and yells, "PIG!"

The man immediately leans out his window and replies, "Stupid!"

They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner he slams into a pig in the middle of the road.

Labels : men women jokes, joke, jokes, funny jokes

Santa Banta

2009-05-15T11:53:00.000-07:00

Labels: santa banta jokes, joke, sms, jokes, funny jokes, sms jokes

Santa always studies in front of mirror why?
because
1. It helps saving revision time
2. He can keep watch on himself
3. He prefers group study.

Santa Banta Jokes

The Sardarni asked her lover, Santa
Santa Darling, if we get engaged will you give me a ring?
Sure replied Santa What's your phone number?

Santa Banta Jokes

Santa with two red ears went to his doctor.
The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear.."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But .. what happened to your other ear?"
"The scoundrel called back."

Santa Banta Jokes

Once Santa Singh, the psychiatrist, met a friend and exclaimed, "I heard you are dead."
But you see I'm alive, smiled the friend.
Impossible, said Santa Singh. The man who told me is much more reliable than you.

Labels: santa banta jokes, joke, sms, jokes, funny jokes, sms jokes

Hearing problem

2009-05-15T09:34:00.000-07:00

Labels: Jokes, fun, Joke, funny jokes

Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.

He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased you can hear again."

To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will five times!"

Labels: Jokes, fun, Joke, funny jokes

Punctuation

2009-05-13T09:02:00.000-07:00

Labels : Joke, Jokes, Men Women Jokes, Funny jokes

It's all in the punctuation:

An English professor wrote the words, "Woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.

The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."

The women wrote: "Woman: Without her, man is nothing."

Labels : Joke, Jokes, Men Women Jokes, Funny jokes