tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-76762575084841889302024-03-02T12:06:04.183-06:00JIM HEFFERNAN'S BLOGHumor, Opinion and Slices of Life from a Veteran Newspaper ColumnistJim Heffernanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04388986747065569089noreply@blogger.comBlogger57113tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7676257508484188930.post-17103746136967664842024-03-02T12:05:00.000-06:002024-03-02T12:05:31.390-06:00A quick ride through history with Jesse James...<p><i><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; font-size: small;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCqkr1fNStv_RCiMzXQsn_OhW_tTvflDZGR5L_jPXPJtRznn9N6TU-bNl_q_CSDJyQtcPfi32Kmgc8KRLtPIlklSXOFLrkM8IaPrUwb0sNlKzK3QzhcPnUxbwJ6B9ymHj0jFLlqd2tDPO5023yYjxkWLqxVGz8DOEop8TsPMOqc2e6zduwgu1R3pHmQ4U/s1452/Jesse_James_portrait.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1452" data-original-width="1027" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCqkr1fNStv_RCiMzXQsn_OhW_tTvflDZGR5L_jPXPJtRznn9N6TU-bNl_q_CSDJyQtcPfi32Kmgc8KRLtPIlklSXOFLrkM8IaPrUwb0sNlKzK3QzhcPnUxbwJ6B9ymHj0jFLlqd2tDPO5023yYjxkWLqxVGz8DOEop8TsPMOqc2e6zduwgu1R3pHmQ4U/s320/Jesse_James_portrait.png" width="226" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Jesse James Potrait-Wikipedia</b></span></td></tr></tbody></table><a href="https://www.duluthnewstribune.com/lifestyle/jim-heffernan-column-a-quick-ride-through-history-with-jesse-james">Written by<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"> Jim Heffernan/ DuluthNewsTribune/3-2-24</span></a></i></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">Jesse James is dead. Dead as a doornail, as Charles Dickens put it about Scrooge’s business partner Marley (read “A Christmas Carol” sometime). Dickens elaborated a bit saying that he doesn’t know what there is particularly dead about a doornail, pointing out that the coffin nail is deadlier. Amen.</span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">No question about it though, Jesse James is long gone (murdered by a comrade in 1882), but I didn’t realize until recently HOW long gone.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">For the record, and, apparently, for the edification of some members of Generation Z, Jesse James is America’s most famous old west outlaw — his gang robbed trains, banks and stage coaches. He has been portrayed in numerous movies over the years on his way to becoming a mythical figure whose name is known — I had thought — to every warm- and cold-blooded American and those in between.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">It isn’t. Jesse James is really dead, I learned recently at the counter of a Duluth fast food outlet. Placing my order to a young man — looked to be 18 or 19 years old — he asked my name to identify the order when it came up. As I often do, instead of using my three-syllable last name, I said, “James.” It’s my first name, of course, but the last name of some people — like Jesse.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">Here’s the scene:</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">CLERK — Can I have your name?</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">ME — Umm, James. Like in Jesse.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">CLERK — What?</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">ME — James is actually my first name, and it was the last name of Jesse James.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">CLERK — Who?</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">ME — You know, Jesse James the famous outlaw in the old west.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">CLERK — (Displaying a blank stare) Never heard of him.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">ME — What? You’ve never heard of Jesse James?</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">CLERK — Nope. Doesn’t register.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">Wow. I turned on my heel and retreated to a nearby corner of the place to wait to be called to pick up my order, not sure if they’d call out James or Jesse or both.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">As I stood there I began wondering if Generation Z (people born between 1990 and 2012 including all of my grandchildren) have a sufficient grasp of history, which is very important, according to registered historians.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">Accordingly, today I will devote this space to refreshing some readers’ knowledge of history (readers older than 19) and lecturing younger readers (if there are any who don’t get all their information from their phones) on important aspects of our history they might not be aware of.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">If they don’t know who Jesse James was, here are some other important names in what used to be considered our shared history.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">Let’s begin with Christopher Columbus, who sailed the ocean blue in nineteen-hundred and forty-two. Under the sponsorship of Queen Isabella of Spain, Columbus outfitted a ship called the Mayflower and eventually landed in Ohio, where he founded a city and named it after himself. When Queen Isabella later visited northern Minnesota in search of wild rice and gold, they named a town after her too. This was before the arrival of Frank Hibbing and Father Emil Biwabik, spiritual leader of trappers, hunters and hairdressers.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">Onward. A French guy who called himself Daniel Greysolon Plaza Sieur DuLhut became an explorer and paddled a canoe as far as he could go on Lake Superior, landing in Canal Park to visit his Grandma. He looked at the high hills rising from the shoreline and declared, “I hereby declare this place shall be called Duluth.” A pint-sized French voyageur accompanying him said, “But Sieur, don’t you mean DuLhut?” to which DuLhut rebuked, “Don’t get wise, bubble eyes,” coining a phrase for the ages.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">Several years after that, a Virginia planter named George Washington became “the father of our country,” proudly known as the Simon Bolivar of North America. Reports that his false teeth were made of wood have not been substantiated, although he ate corn-on-the-cob with a chain saw. He was most respected, though, for chopping down a cherry tree as a youth and admitting it when his father, Denzel, questioned him about it, saying, “I cannot tell a lie.” No politician has followed that dictum in all subsequent American history.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">Oh, geez, I’m running out of space. Here’s one more: Paul Bunyan was a Minnesota lumberjack who chopped down all the trees more than 100 years ago. He traveled with a small pet, Babe, a big blue oxymoron. He is widely credited with digging the Mississippi River but not rock ’n’ roll music.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">I hope this enlightens Generation Z on some important aspects of American history they might not be aware of. It also poses the question: When Generation Z, the last letter of the alphabet, ages out of that category, what are they going to call the following generation?</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">As a member of the “Silent Generation,” I want to know.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">In the meantime: Shhhhh.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><i><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">Jim Heffernan is a former Duluth News Tribune news and opinion writer and continues as a columnist. He can be reached at </span></i><a href="mailto:jimheffernan@jimheffernan.org"><span class="Hyperlink0" style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-style: italic;"><span lang="DE" style="font-size: 12pt;">jimheffernan@jimheffernan.org</span></span></a><span class="None"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> and maintains a blog at www.jimheffernan.org.</span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>Jim Heffernanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04388986747065569089noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7676257508484188930.post-18736830915740819562024-02-03T11:52:00.002-06:002024-02-03T12:18:08.930-06:00 So proudly we hail our new state flag...<p><i><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><a href="https://www.duluthnewstribune.com/lifestyle/jim-heffernan-column-so-proudly-we-hail-our-new-state-flag"></a></span></i></p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbwupkSl-6tnGc2KAwHtU7UtGoeZRAi7fhWXGzAe2w8T1VnakqdOqeMV0zReEU_HMMsnljUW3ZQryrLtX7DT09byTXf84ZMY9PZkPZ-yPGNFwHgb8ynDqYoytzROg6-RPAr0Pk1KMPjE8PlVBskfThCdKF_1shI7AZldfTAciA7pNzCkm177PzAP-w7JU/s365/images.jpg" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="138" data-original-width="365" height="121" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbwupkSl-6tnGc2KAwHtU7UtGoeZRAi7fhWXGzAe2w8T1VnakqdOqeMV0zReEU_HMMsnljUW3ZQryrLtX7DT09byTXf84ZMY9PZkPZ-yPGNFwHgb8ynDqYoytzROg6-RPAr0Pk1KMPjE8PlVBskfThCdKF_1shI7AZldfTAciA7pNzCkm177PzAP-w7JU/s320/images.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span face="Lato, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #7d7d84; font-size: 13px; font-style: italic; font-variant-ligatures: normal; orphans: 2; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; widows: 2;">Source: Minnesota State Emblems Redesign <br />Commission via Courthouse News</span></td></tr></tbody></table><i><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><a href="https://www.duluthnewstribune.com/lifestyle/jim-heffernan-column-so-proudly-we-hail-our-new-state-flag">Written by<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"> Jim Heffernan for the DuluthNewsTribune 1/3/24</span></a></span></i><p></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"><i>Here’s the latest fake news that’s unfit to print from this date in 2029 (five years from now).</i></span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">DATELINE ST. PAUL — Minnesota Gov. C. Elmer Polka today activated the Army National Guard to assist local law enforcement throughout the state in quelling ongoing riots and street fighting over the adoption of a new state flag five years ago.</span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">Minnesota adopted its original flag in 1893 but by 2023 many citizens and aliens believed it had become outdated. It contained the state seal and images of a farmer plowing a field with a Native American on horseback who was, some criticized, riding off into the sunset. Inscribed on the seal were the French words “etoile du nord” which many believe means “toilet of the north.”<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">Union plumbers and others felt this was demeaning and the Legislature authorized the creation of a new flag, appointing a commission to select one. Word went out to the citizenry to submit ideas for a new flag, and some 2,000 responded.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">After much deliberation, the commission selected a flag with a broad image of the state of Minnesota containing an eight-pointed star (of the north) and a large field of blue. That was it.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">Many, including most registered Republicans, were not satisfied with the selection, especially constituents in “greater” Minnesota, some of whom have since advocated splitting the state down the middle with the western portion seceding to “the Dakotas,” becoming Dakotasota. The eastern half would become Minnesconsin. The metro area should be renamed Minnemoscow, according to some rural county-level leaders who suggested a red flag be adopted there.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">Objections to the new flag were manifold. Brewing interests were upset over the blue field on the new flag which many interpreted to represent “The Land Of Sky-Blue Waters,” a promotional slogan representing Hamm’s, “the beer refreshing.” “What’s Grain Belt supposed to do with the whole state advertising Hamm’s?” asked Grain Belt president Walter B. “Whoopie” Kusheon. “Why not replace the blue with amber waves of grain?”<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> A spokesperson for Budweiser beer, Charles “Chuck” E. Cheesehorst, suggested the flag should include a team of draft horses pulling a wagon, an image steeped in Minnesota agricultural and brewing history.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">Elsewhere, the Rev. Bartholomew Saturn, spiritual leader of Midwestern Heavenly Astronomers LLC, objected to the star on the flag, saying it resembles the star of Bethlehem that was followed by three wise men astride camels to the birthplace of Christianity. “It violates the separation of church and State of Minnesota,” said the Rev. Mr. Saturn, adding, “we might as well put camels on the flag. Or start smoking them again.”<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">Disputing sides in the flag controversy have taken their grievances to the state Supreme Court following violent outbreaks in several communities resulting in open street confrontations with participants wielding hockey sticks and curling brooms, but no curling irons. Deployed National Guardsmen and Women have used fire hoses to quell the violence in season.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">Meanwhile, a spokesperson for the Ducks Unmolested organization called for inclusion of a duck on any new flag. “In the past it was de rigueur to depict a loon on our flag and our seal” said DU spokesman Mallard W. Coot. “What about ducks? You can’t roast a loon. Besides, they spend half the year in Louisiana. Let them put a loon on their flag,” stated Coot.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">A state spokesperson, John Jacob “Jingleheimer” Johnson, said in a statement that a new state seal depicts a proud loon, and that critics of it “are a little loony, no insult intended.” It has not been determined if “loony” constitutes an insult, an issue expected to reach the state Supreme Court.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">“What about wolves?” howled wolf advocate “Wolfman” Jack Drool, who heads BBWCAW United (acronym stands for Big Bad Wolves Can Always Win). “Our wolves are more popular than loons and ducks. We need wolves to blame when hunters don’t shoot enough deer. Put wolves on the flag. There are more wolves in Minnesota than habitués of urban bars. In fact, there are quite a few wolves IN those bars.” <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">U.S. President Amy Klobuchar called for peace. “We’re the Midwest, not the Middle East,” she reminded. Klobuchar, a former U.S. senator from Minnesota, was elected to the White House last year, defeating perennial presidential candidate Nikki Haley in the first all-female race for president.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">Haley’s campaign faltered when she responded to a question asking what caused World War II by not mentioning Hitler’s Germany or the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">Film at 10. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p><p class="Body" style="border: medium; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><i><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">Jim Heffernan is a former Duluth News Tribune news and opinion writer and continues as a columnist. He can be reached at </span></i><a href="mailto:jimheffernan@jimheffernan.org"><span class="Hyperlink0" style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-style: italic;"><span lang="DE" style="font-size: 12pt;">jimheffernan@jimheffernan.org</span></span></a><span class="None"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> and maintains a blog at www.jimheffernan.org.</span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>Jim Heffernanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04388986747065569089noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7676257508484188930.post-75534190748277821992024-01-06T11:21:00.000-06:002024-01-06T11:21:38.424-06:00When intelligence really was artificial...<p><i><span style="font-size: x-small;"></span></i></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFjkwKim3UlY-XyIPecibA7S8VjQ0i45sz4GwF4bi9n6vS-ZWeBWqrz-5cQNh8FOiqjpHcOaP5MipJAhQs1B3SUmDG2VUWMA6selcfHsHXIEg4TDj56ugnn_UuYyvuMChdDiDDT5r6a2jbQWtAszvm6-URZ92HV2EDX0Gthlc_b-v6zcmh3dgHbb6pLLk/s950/Brain%20make%20me%20do%20it.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="534" data-original-width="950" height="181" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFjkwKim3UlY-XyIPecibA7S8VjQ0i45sz4GwF4bi9n6vS-ZWeBWqrz-5cQNh8FOiqjpHcOaP5MipJAhQs1B3SUmDG2VUWMA6selcfHsHXIEg4TDj56ugnn_UuYyvuMChdDiDDT5r6a2jbQWtAszvm6-URZ92HV2EDX0Gthlc_b-v6zcmh3dgHbb6pLLk/w320-h181/Brain%20make%20me%20do%20it.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></i></div><i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><a href="https://www.duluthnewstribune.com/lifestyle/jim-heffernan-column-when-intelligence-really-was-artificial"> <span style="color: #2b00fe;">Written <span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;">by Jim Heffernan for the DuluthNewsTribune on 1-6-23</span></span></a></span></i><p></p><p><i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"> </span></span></span></i><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Georgia;">Let’s start the new
year out with a few ruminations on education. Zzzzzz? Maybe not.</span><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Georgia;"></span></p>
<p class="Default" style="line-height: normal; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif;">We’ll be taking a
different look at Artificial Intelligence than the one we (that’d be me) addressed
in August, neither of which betrays any understanding whatsoever of what is
referred to as “AI” actually is.</span><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Georgia;"></span></p>
<p class="Default" style="line-height: normal; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Georgia;"> </span></p>
<p class="Default" style="line-height: normal; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif;">But I like what the
words Artificial Intelligence imply because I want to say I wish something
called artificial intelligence had been around when I was a school kid. It
would have explained a lot. Like why I couldn’t read well in early grades or do
math. I thought a multiplication table was a table in the hospital where they
delivered twins.</span><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Georgia;"></span></p>
<p class="Default" style="line-height: normal; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Georgia;"> </span></p>
<p class="Default" style="line-height: normal; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif;">I figured I was smart
enough, though. It’s just that my intelligence was artificial, although it
wasn’t called that back then.</span><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Georgia;"></span></p>
<p class="Default" style="line-height: normal; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Georgia;"> </span></p>
<p class="Default" style="line-height: normal; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif;">Which brings me to my
point: If there is artificial intelligence there has to be artificial
stupidity, right? It’s Newton’s law. You don’t hear as much about that, but I’m
quite familiar with it. For every action there is an equal and opposite
reaction. Newton also invented a popular cookie with figs, the opposite of
which is the chocolate chip.</span><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Georgia;"></span></p>
<p class="Default" style="line-height: normal; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Georgia;"> </span></p>
<p class="Default" style="line-height: normal; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif;">I came to believe my
lackluster performance in early classrooms was due to the fact that I was
younger than most of the other kids. My parents had gone ahead and started me
in kindergarten when I was only four years old. Almost all of the other kids
were five, some nearly six and looking around for possible spouses.</span><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Georgia;"></span></p>
<p class="Default" style="line-height: normal; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Georgia;"> </span></p>
<p class="Default" style="line-height: normal; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif;">I didn’t realize that
then, though. I didn’t realize that until sixth grade when several girls
suddenly showed up on exercise day (we didn’t have a gym) with early evidence
of armpit hair. Checking in the mirror at home, I found no hair at all under my
arms. Not a follicle. I think I believed hair was a sign of strength (see Paul
Bunyan’s beard), and boys are supposed to be stronger than girls, and how come
I don’t have any armpit hair and some of the sixth-grade girls do? There goes
football.</span><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Georgia;"></span></p>
<p class="Default" style="line-height: normal; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Georgia;"> </span></p>
<p class="Default" style="line-height: normal; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif;">So aside from having
only artificial intelligence, not the real thing, was I destined to be a
hairless weakling? These thoughts did not bode well for the future. Rocket
science was out, for example, along with brain surgery and maybe statistical
analysis, whatever that was, not to mention the boxing ring. Wrestling? Maybe.</span><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Georgia;"></span></p>
<p class="Default" style="line-height: normal; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Georgia;"> </span></p>
<p class="Default" style="line-height: normal; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif;">It took me awhile,
but I credit the small deer “Bambi” for teaching me to read. I was taken to the
movie by my parents and loved it so much I got the “Bambi” comic book. Looking
through it I suddenly realized I was reading the words in those clouds above
the characters’ heads. Thumper the rabbit and Flower the skunk said stuff I
could understand. Hmm. I guess I can read, I thought. And I could.</span><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Georgia;"></span></p>
<p class="Default" style="line-height: normal; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Georgia;"> </span></p>
<p class="Default" style="line-height: normal; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif;">My life was
transformed but I wasn’t quite ready for “War and Peace.” For that I’d need
hair under my arms, and maybe in other places. I did try to tackle “Twenty Thousand
Leagues Under the Sea” thinking it was an underwater baseball story. That takes
a bit of artificial stupidity.</span><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Georgia;"></span></p>
<p class="Default" style="line-height: normal; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Georgia;"> </span></p>
<p class="Default" style="line-height: normal; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif;">But I soldiered on,
junior high (algebra took me by surprise — letters like A, B and X instead of
numbers). High school geometry was a blast with all those triangles —
isosceles, equilateral, etcetera. I had thought Isosceles was the Egyptian
pharaoh who followed Pharaoh Kaopectate, but no. More artificial stupidity.</span><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Georgia;"></span></p>
<p class="Default" style="line-height: normal; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Georgia;"> </span></p>
<p class="Default" style="line-height: normal; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif;">My high school
geometry teacher instructed that the shortest distance between two points is a
straight line, but added, while winking, that some Duluth students “prefer the
boulevard.” That’s what some people called curvy Skyline Drive, at one time a
favorite lovers’ overlook. That’s all I remember about geometry.</span><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Georgia;"></span></p>
<p class="Default" style="line-height: normal; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Georgia;"> </span></p>
<p class="Default" style="line-height: normal; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif;">World History was
difficult to stay awake in for someone with artificial intelligence (or
stupidity). When the teacher asked me the name of Alexander the Great’s horse,
and I said, “Silver,” there were repercussions.</span><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Georgia;"></span></p>
<p class="Default" style="line-height: normal; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Georgia;"> </span></p>
<p class="Default" style="line-height: normal; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif;">Eventually, of
course, my armpits began spouting hair, along with my face and even my chest,
so I decided to go to college. I liked college, sitting around the student
center smoking cigarettes between classes discussing weighty world problems
like what’s happening on Saturday night or where to go for the best pizza.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Doctor’s note: He quit smoking decades ago.)</span><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Georgia;"></span></p>
<p class="Default" style="line-height: normal; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Georgia;"> </span></p>
<p class="Default" style="line-height: normal; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif;">Just about everybody
smoked in those days. Every so often attractive young women employed by tobacco
companies would wander through the student center smilingly handing out free
cigarettes to the student loungers and card players, just like in the Vegas casinos
in the old days. What’s not to like about college?</span><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Georgia;"></span></p>
<p class="Default" style="line-height: normal; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Georgia;"> </span></p>
<p class="Default" style="line-height: normal; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif;">What about learning
stuff? I took a lot of English, history, economics and political science
courses where I learned about Shakespeare, Benjamin Franklin and Jeremy
Bentham, the English philosopher/economist who, when he died almost 200 years
ago, had his body stuffed and placed in a glass case that is still on display.
What else do you need to know in life?</span><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Georgia;"></span></p>
<p class="Default" style="line-height: normal; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Georgia;"> </span></p>
<p class="Default" style="line-height: normal; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif;">Well, here’s
something: I found the courses in economic thought enlightening. The very bases
of economics, the professor said, are the factors of production: Land, labor,
capital and entrepreneur. I figured they were important to know for the final
exam, but couldn’t get them through my head until I adapted them to a popular
song of the day, “An Affair to Remember.”</span><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Georgia;"></span></p>
<p class="Default" style="line-height: normal; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Georgia;"> </span></p>
<p class="Default" style="line-height: normal; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif;">My version went: “Our
love affair, may it long endure, through land, labor, capital and
entrepreneur.” That worked out fine for the test but wasn’t so hot on curvy
Skyline Drive, though. See what I mean about artificial intelligence?</span><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Georgia;"></span></p>
<p class="Default" style="line-height: normal; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Georgia;"> </span></p>
<p class="Default" style="line-height: normal; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif;">NEXT TIME; Artificial
Respiration (AR). So, you can breathe easy.</span><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Georgia;"></span></p>
<p class="Default" style="line-height: normal; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-style-textoutline-outlinestyle-align: center; mso-style-textoutline-outlinestyle-compound: simple; mso-style-textoutline-outlinestyle-dash: solid; mso-style-textoutline-outlinestyle-dpiwidth: 0pt; mso-style-textoutline-outlinestyle-join: bevel; mso-style-textoutline-outlinestyle-linecap: round; mso-style-textoutline-outlinestyle-pctmiterlimit: 0%; mso-style-textoutline-type: none;"> </span></p>
<p class="Default" style="line-height: normal; margin-top: 0in;"><i><span style="color: #292929; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; mso-style-textoutline-outlinestyle-align: center; mso-style-textoutline-outlinestyle-compound: simple; mso-style-textoutline-outlinestyle-dash: solid; mso-style-textoutline-outlinestyle-dpiwidth: 0pt; mso-style-textoutline-outlinestyle-join: bevel; mso-style-textoutline-outlinestyle-linecap: round; mso-style-textoutline-outlinestyle-pctmiterlimit: 0%; mso-style-textoutline-type: none;"><span style="mso-style-textoutline-outlinestyle-align: center; mso-style-textoutline-outlinestyle-compound: simple; mso-style-textoutline-outlinestyle-dash: solid; mso-style-textoutline-outlinestyle-dpiwidth: 0pt; mso-style-textoutline-outlinestyle-join: bevel; mso-style-textoutline-outlinestyle-linecap: round; mso-style-textoutline-outlinestyle-pctmiterlimit: 0%; mso-style-textoutline-type: none;">Jim Heffernan is a former Duluth News Tribune news and opinion writer
and continues as a columnist. He can be reached at </span></span></i><a href="mailto:jimheffernan@jimheffernan.org"><span class="Hyperlink0"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Arial Unicode MS";">jimheffernan@jimheffernan.org</span></span></a><span class="None"> and maintains a blog at www.jimheffernan.org.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif;"></span></p>
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{page:WordSection1;}</style></p>Jim Heffernanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04388986747065569089noreply@blogger.com0