Seems like our friends at tropicana have thrown out a little twister of their own.

The following are the nutritional facts of two of their products.  One being their Tropicana Calcium + Vitamin D Orange Juice.  The other being their new product, Light N Healthy with Calcium (I decided to compare orange to half oranges here and am using the Tropicana + calcium since they do not have a plain light n healthy to compare to, which you will notice contains the addition of the FruitCal which adds the artificial calcium).

As you can see, the secret ingredient to making their product is simple: Just add water!  58% more water than juice to be exact.  So what are they doing with all of this extra juice they are saving?

Building hotels?

Building stadiums?

Breeding these guys?

Whatever they are doing, can we please have the rest of our juice back?  We can add the water on our own.

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Why doesn’t Bed Bath and Beyond just stop mailing those coupons and make everything 20% off?

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[thanks, Sheila]

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Office humor advice: When there is a weird (but good) smell floating around the office, and for example someone says “it smells like pizza in here” – just say “it’s my new cologne, ‘pizza’.” Then insert a famous perfume makers name here like Gucci, while also changing the food name to something more elegant.

So to review:

Person A: Whats that smell? it smells like hot dogs.. does anyone else smell it?

Person B: It’s my new cologne “Frankfurter” by Jean Paul Gaultier.

Let the LoLz roll in.

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When the state fixes or repairs roads, they feel the need to charge us double for traffic violations.  It is only fair that we get a discount if the road is old or if there are other problems with the road.  Maybe Sundays can be 35 percent off because the road was built by the WPA or half off Tuesdays because of excessive potholes.

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What would happen if you taped a popsickle stick to a pigeon to the point that it could not bob its head up and down?  Anyone want to try?

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The Mafia:

They kill people.

They shoot them, they strangle them with a thin wire, they cut whole bodies up with pocket knifes, they smash bones with sledgehammers, they cut people up with tablesaws, they bury your legs in concrete and throw you in the ocean alive, they will throw a molotov cocktail in your house while you are watching American Idol, they will be sent out on a “hit” only to realize moments before the bullet enters their own brain that they were really they have been betrayed and they are the ones who are going to die.  They will kill you in front of your family, then kill your family.

To me, this seems like quite a bit on someones mind to keep them awake.

So why do they drink espresso out of those tiny cups?

It just doesn’t make any sense.

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Seeing a car that looks like a cop when you are speeding is like seeing someone that looks like your mother in law when you are on a date with not your wife.

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Today’s headline comes from our least favorite terrorist place in the world – Gaza.  It seems like the park officials there have decided to remedy their ailing national zoo and park industry with some new 21st century innovations.  Part 1 of the new marketing campaign has them painting donkeys with black and white stripes to look like Zebras (see picture above).  Phase 2 involves them cutting off the legs of lizards for the new snake petting area they plan to open as well as cutting the legs off of octopus’s and surgically combining them with other octopus’s to form the worlds only Dodectapus filled aquarium.

Previously they had been running a similar type of program to get people to come to the park – it offered terrorists under 60″ a reduced price for admission – unfortunately they all died in suicide bombings and could not take advantage of the discount.

If you have any other ideas they should consider leave them in the comments!

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