DREAM #1- Adam, who is drunk, is making fun of me because I have Robert Downey Jr. in my phone contacts and the picture is of him as Iron Man. Adam’s laughing and asking who that contact “really is.” I get totally pissed and insist that I know Robert Downey Jr., and I call him to prove it. Robert answers the phone and is all “oh hey Jenny, what’s up?” and I’m like “oh, nothing, just calling to say hi and see what’s up.” Sam and Jen are over, and I have Robert on speaker phone so they totally believe me when they hear his voice. Then Robert is all “how’s Adam? What are you guys up to this weekend? If you’re doing anything fun let me know!” and I’m all “we’re always doing fun stuff, and I think I want to introduce you to my friend Jen you’d love her.”

So, how totally married are you when you’re having dreams about sexy-as-hell movie stars and HOOKING THEM UP WITH YOUR FRIENDS?

DREAM #2- I’m late for my friend Angie’s BBQ because I’m trying to back a trailer into my driveway and I suck at it. By the time I get to Angie’s, everyone has moved inside so I have to knock on the door instead of just head out to the backyard. Anyway, once I’m inside I realize there are like 100 people there, and in every room people are playing different games. So I (of course?) head to the kitchen, where I find my friend Luke from college slicing pickles and Jim from The Office, who is actually JIM, and not John Krasinski. Jim and I start talking and he’s like, “well what game to you want to play?”. So I think about it and decide we should play Asshole, but then we can’t find any cards so we just make fun of Luke for 5 minutes and it’s like we’re best friends.

Then I woke up. ‘The hell?

And that is why drunk dreams are the best. I never dream about celebrities when I’m sober!

• switching the positions of the couches so the big one is in front of the TV because the loveseat is “too small for both of us”
• buying a new TV because our giant amazing one that we HAD to have doesn’t mount on the wall
• whether or not my dad or his dad is more qualified to help us install new countertops that we haven’t even picked out yet (does this sound like a bad bumper sticker? “my dad installs countertops better than your dad”)
• how when we get new carpet installed we have to hide the speaker wire under the carpet so we’d “better like where everything is ‘cuz it’s permanent”, as though I’m ready to make permanent living room furniture arrangement decisions in a house I’ve lived in for 5 months
• doctor/dentist appointments and why they are necessary to maintain our health
• receipts for big purchases and why they do not belong on the floor of the truck
• why it isn’t acceptable to eat someone else’s leftovers out of the fridge without asking
• how the dog liking me more obviously means I need to be more “stern” with her
• why when we said in our wedding vows that we would wear our rings “always” that “always” doesn’t mean “sometimes when I remember but never at work, at the gym or in the garage”
• why it’s okay for me to have another thai iced tea on my cheat day since I went to the gym 6 days in a row this week
• how putting “60-watt energy-saver” lightbulbs in the kitchen is retarded because now I can’t see what I’m doing and I don’t care that it saves sixty fucking cents

There are more. I will spare you. For now.

If you are a woman, and you like products, heed me now.

Sign up for this: New Beauty’s Test Tube.

My coworker MEgan (yes I wrote it that way on purpose, it’s “MEEE-gan”) told me about this awesome program where you can sign up to get a “test tube” full of deluxe beauty product samples every 3 months. It’s $29.95 plus $8.95 s&h for each tube.

So basically, it’s like a mini-Christmas every 3 months. This is what I recieved today:

• Viktor Rolf FlowerBomb .24oz
• Marc Jacobs Daisy .10oz rollerball
• Korres Anti-Aging/Anti-Wrinkle Cream .34oz
• Babor Cell Reactivating Cream .25oz
• Anastasia Clear Brow Gel .02oz (x2 tubes)
• Colorescience Glow & Go Travel Puff
• Dr Brandt Pores No More Vacuum Cleaner Blackhead Extractor .4oz
• Estee Lauder Advanced Night Repair Serum .24oz
• Bioelements Crucial Moisture Moisturizer .25oz
• GliSODin Skin Nutrients Advanced Detoxification (vitamin drink mix) - 8 servings 
• BeFine Cooling Peel Off Mask 1.5oz
• BeFine Firming Toner .5oz
• Kerstin Florian Spa Body Chamomile Shower/Bath Gel 1.0oz
• LipStock Creme Lip Conditioner (small jar)
• SuperSmile Quickee Teeth Whitener/Breath Freshener .21oz
• SuperSmile Professional Whitening Toothpaste 4.2oz full size tube
• $20 SpaLook.com gift card (off of a $100 purchase)

Soooooo… DO IT! IT’S TOTALLY AWESOME!!!!

Booooooooooooo.

Until last week… when he took her rabbit hunting… and found out she’s a PRO. A natural. Totally amazing.

And when they got home after 4 days, I opened the door with an excited “Where’s my puppy??????” and got:

“Oh no, she’s MY puppy now.”

Sure.

My husband and I, lazily watching TV recently…

TV Character: “that’s about as exciting as a douche commercial…blah blah blah…”

Me: “I don’t remember ever in my life seeing a douche commercial.”

Adam: “Sure you have. I’ve seen tons!”

Me: “WTF? Why would you even remember a douche commercial?”

Adam: “Um, DUH, Jenny. ‘Calgon, Take Me Away!’ You don’t remember that?? Gaah.”

Me: “Um, DUH, Adam… those were BATH SALT commercials. Weirdo. Did you think every time someone says ‘Calgon, take me away’ that they’re talking about douching?”

Adam: “I guess.”

Me: “Yeah, because that’s so relaxing. After a long hard day at work, I’m sure women all around the country go home thinking ‘Calgon Douche, Take Me Away!’… god you’re weird.”

Adam: “Women are an enigma. I have no idea if douching is relaxing or not. Women do weird things.”

Me: “NO ONE I KNOW DOUCHES!!!”

Hey, Calgon. Your commercials are apparently confusing to men. Revise, please.

I. Am. In. Love. This thing is fricken awesome! I can shop for e-books on either the Sony book store site or really anywhere on the web that sells books in the supported formats. I’ve only downloaded PDFs so far, but I’ve been able to find almost every book I’ve looked for. The e-reader also supports word docs and text files. Specs can be seen on the Sony website here.

4shared.com and scribd.com offer some pdf files for free, and I have to admit I’ve probably saved around $500. If you look hard enough, you can find ANYTHING on the internet. :)

So, I now have about 115 books on my trusty reader, and I have been enjoying it everywhere. It is especially fabulous for when I travel, but equally awesome at the gym. Since I can change the text size to GIANT, it’s easy to read while running on the treadmill or using the elliptical trainer. Also because reading hooks me so well… it makes for longer workouts. Today I was on the elliptical for 65 minutes before I realized I should probably work on abs… I got about halfway through my newest Charlaine Harris “Grave” series novel!

Anyway… highly recommended. :)

Here Goes! :)

“Huh. Did you do something to your face today? Like, to make you look prettier?”

Thanks baby. Wouldn’t it have just been nicer easier to tell me that I look pretty today?