i wanna do mel

Never Say Never: Mel Gets Engaged

noreply@blogger.com (Kat) — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 14:35:00 +0000

Well, well, well...look who decided to get engaged. Is it because you just turned 29 and realized you don't wanna be the only chick in her 30's unmarried in Barfchester County, Mel?

When I first met Mel (back when we were both under 25...fuck!), she was dead set on never getting married and never popping out kids. I guess that all changes when everyone around you is walking down that aisle of lost hope and dreams towards some douchebag with a fat wallet. C'mon, we all know those chicks - the ones that constantly have to remind themselves how in-love they are on their Facebook statuses.

With the help of AskMen.com, here's a long awaited sparkling list...

Top Reasons to Get Married

Live longer. Oh great, extra years with this bitch...

You won't die alone. Just completely resentful of your other half. Yay!

Become more attractive. Let's be real - a ring isn't a repellent, it's a magnetic force that pulls more dicks than Angelina's mouth.

Tax breaks. Cha ching!

Sex, sex, and more sex. You're so bored talking to one another, you'd rather fuck to kill the silence and fill the lapse of wasted time.

Waaay better sex. Because cheating is fun and physically feels amaaaazing.

Live happier. You have no idea how to fake any other emotion at this point.

(reminder: print this out and recite at wedding)

But...in all seriousness, what the fuck, Mel?

Congratulations...I fucking love you. (does this mean we can't make out anymore?)

Whatever Happened to: Kat and Mel - Girls Gone Missing

noreply@blogger.com (mel) — Fri, 28 May 2010 14:27:00 +0000

What a sad thing to see - not just the death of our blog - but also the death of our immaturity. Who knew kat and mel would make the ranks of "Whatever happened to...". The team of Kat and Mel made slacking off an art form. There were days where we spent our mornings coming up with post ideas and afternoons writing them. I am like the Native American shedding a single tear - except my land wasn't stolen nor my family slaughtered. No, what was taken from me was far worse, I shudder to even type it - I lost my perverted friend. People like Kat and I don't normally get the pleasure to meet in life. We share a bitchy, sarcastic, deranged brain. Well, what might you ask happened to my rabid friend? She found alcohol - and it made her - barf! - nice. I'll give you exhibit A:

Notice the sarcasm, the beers, the slutty tank top, the wild hair - where did she go?

Now here is Kat from just a few weeks ago:

DISGRACEFUL isn't it. So sweet, so beautiful, so nice - I hope she shits her pants.

The world continues to have Lindsay's with drug problems and with a new series with those 8 half asian kids - who knows - maybe Kat will put down the bottle and get creative on this shit. This blog was her masterful experiment that started way back when on a little hello kitty site - that later banned us dirty ho's. It's time to make a come back you bitch - if not for me - then for beWize - our #1 and only fan.

Why Downgrade When Cheating?

noreply@blogger.com (mel) — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 19:57:00 +0000

We are constantly inundated with high-profile, sometimes even attractive, men cheating on their spouses. Most times it's one attractive actor banging another attractive actress he's doing a movie with. Hell, I've seen some movie sex scenes where the chemistry and attraction is undeniable and the parties are two "happily" married stars. Yea, ok. This type of cheating I can understand. We will call this UPGRADE BANGING. Upgrade banging is accepted by most high-profile wives because they are at least getting a huge paycheck and their jollies off by someone else too.

The cheating that throws a curve ball in all this is when a man/or woman, for that matter, cheats with something so disgusting, revolting, and gross that you have to ask...what the fuck were they thinking? There are men married to super models who diddle the fat puerto rican nanny. Ok, maybe I digress but what about these cases:

Just this week Steve Phillips, the former Mets general manager, recently ended an affair with ESPN analyst Brooke Hundley. Well, Brooke, a woman scorned decided to stalk and harass Steve's wife and son. Now I know what you're thinking...who gives a fuck, the man got pussy. Really? Is this the pussy you want:

Well, Steve really fucked himself here. No matter what Steve's mid 40's-early 50's wife looked like I can guaran-damn-tee it was better than this little boy with long hair.

We all know Elizabeth Hurley for her pretty face, great breasts, and banging butt. Hugh Grant was real familiar with it when he was banging it back in 1995. Maybe Hugh was lonely when he propositioned that nasty ass hooker (Estella Marie Thompson aka Divine Brown) in California--but did he really want to hit that? Was it worth this Hugh?

Jude Law has always been known as a cad but when he started banging his kids nanny, Daisy Wright, while dating Sienna Miller his ego trip and addiction became mainstream conversation. What the fuck was he thinking? This woman is your typical looking English lass and a "big" girl at that.

I have a huge fkn problem with Ryan Phillippe. HUGE huge huge problem. How dare you fuck and marry ugly flat face Reese Witherspoon? Oh wait, that's old news because this dumb fuck then went and cheated on her. With who you ask? Abbie Cornish. Abbie fkn Cornish. A no name actress who looks like Reese's ass after a huge diarrhea attack. See for yourself:Ryan you have the WORST taste. Fuck you for being so damn cute.

Here's one where some people might not agree with me but I'm going to go there anyway. Mark Anthony was married to the most lovely Miss Universe, Dayanara Torres. She is pretty breathtaking, if you ask me and what does this skinny little crack head skeletor looking thing do? He goes and fucks Jenny from the mother fuckin' block. Fat ass, no tits, big head...no different from the 5,000 other Puerto Rican chicks you see in the boogie down on any given day.

I refuse to post ugly ass J Ho, so here, for your viewing pleasure, is Dayanara:

Times when I understood the cheating:

Eliot Spitzer and Ashley Dupre
Brad Pitt andAngelina Jolie (Jennifer Aniston)
Billy Bob and Angelina Jolie (Laura Dern)
Hulk Hogan with daughter's friend
Mel Gibson and Oksana Grigorieva

Reasons for downgrading:

you know you're thinking it too...they are GAY
their wife isn't giving up the pusssssssssss ay
they have low self esteem and get a hard dick whenever someone compliments or jocks them
celebrity went to their head
they think they can get away with and a bj is just a bj
its all about the opportunity
everyone else is cheating, why not them?

Who did I miss?

Why Are Gay Men Bimbos?

noreply@blogger.com (Kat) — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 14:33:00 +0000

I'm a huge Top Chef fan and a couple of the contestants are gay men. I am guilty of thinking to myself that these gays are "normal" because they aren't "flamers." So fucking sue me for stereotyping, but stereotypes are created by the beholders. So I ask, in today's post, "Why are gay men bimbos?"

I have no issues with team GLBT what-so-ever. It's not a "liberal" thing, it's a who-the-fuck-cares-who's-sleeping-with-who thing. But, it bothers me how most gays, such as the Chelsea and San Fran queers, have to act like silly little school girls until the age of 50*. Fuck, they make Elton John look straight.

There is absolutely no reason 70% of homos need to act this way. There are a shitload of bimbotic chicks out there, but certainly not as many as the bimbotic fag.

So, if you are a gay man reading this, please answer these questions:

1. Why do you walk like there's a stick shoved up your ass? Is it from all the gay sex and you're sore? Coz, the latter is acceptable.
2. When you speak to me, why must there be a bunch of omigod!s, uhhh helloooos, and sighing sounds in between every 5 words?
3. I weigh 100 pounds. Why are you skinnier than me?
4. My hair is almost down to my waist. Why do you have more hair products than I do and take twice as long to fix your 'do?
5. Are you trying to be a chick?

To my last question, I really feel as though gay men try to act like little twats. Listen, I am a girl, you are a man--act like it. Just because we like to fuck the same gender doesn't mean we are the same. If acting like an overly sensitive bitch with an annoying tone in your voice is your representation of being a woman, then I am offended.

Now, before you get your panties all in a bunch, I've been called a "fag hag" from time to time. So don't think I haven't encouraged this bimbotic behavior in gay men ever. However, I think the show needs to come to an end. It's 2009, your point has been made. We get it, you have a cock and like to suck cock. I know we have a ways to go in getting you girlies the same rights as us other human beings, but acting like a joke isn't going to get you there. Keep wearing the pink, but stop being annoying little cry babies.

Ok fine ... Go ahead and do that gay cheer one last time.

*gay species only live until 50, right?

What the Fuck Happened this Week?

noreply@blogger.com (Kat) — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 19:35:00 +0000

"You Lie!" scandal unfolded and Amy's back!
Kate Gosselin keeps crying, but at least her hair looks good!
RIP: Patrick Swayze...Don't worry Suzanne Somers is on the case and she believes you were poisoned.
Kanye West apologizes to Taylor Swift, but he's still a big gay fish.
Bayside met NYC when Zack and Kelly reunited...and I bet it felt sooo good. Watch the vid on TMZ.com

What's the Deal: Money & Status Pimps & Hos

noreply@blogger.com (mel) — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 20:52:00 +0000

I haven't bitched in awhile, maybe people have been leaving me alone or maybe I've just gone soft...but I'm back with my newest gripe--People who only talk about money, who they know, and where they can go. I' m talking about financial douchbages, mafia wannabes, and those lovely little fame sluts. Let's break each down:

Financial douchebags: even in a bad economy these assholes are out in full effect. They're at happy hour talking loud about great stocks they got information on or the new Maserati parked in their garage. They are in no way timid about telling you about how powerful they are or how much they take home in a year. These tools are selfish, disrespectful, and cheat whenever possible. "Hey, it's not a hooker if she's expensive and hot. You know what I mean?"

Douchebag Weekly: Because Douchebags Walk Among Us

Mafia Wannabes: those god damn EYE-talian goombahs can never be normal can they? These are the guys who always know somebody. They know where to get steroids or the bouncer at the hottest club or a ton of hot high school girls. Shit, they got a guy for everything! They also love to talk about money--how much they make, how illegally they make it, and what crap they are buying. Who gives a fuck? Not every fkn conversation has to try and make you sound cool to 13 year old boys. "You need oxycontin? I can get you oxy. I think he went up the river but I got another guy."

Gotham City Insider: Evolution of the Guido

Fame Sluts: here is where the girlys come in. These are the chicks who think sharing vagina is like giving a handshake--it can take you places. Well, ladies--spreading your stank around and thinking fucking a celeb is going to make you famous is probably going to work--work at making you famous for being a whore. These are the Hailey Glassmen bitches who cling to men in the "Now" and think that this is their rise to fame. But wait, before they find their celeb men they definitely have a full resume of try outs for tv shows like Real World, Road Rules, Big Brother, or some other slutty show where they can go and make out with guys and get naked.

Hailey Glassman, "I am not a fame whore"

I am still trying to figure out what redeeming qualities, if any, these a-holes have...otherwise, why do we let them live? Maybe because their mom's love them. Whose mom doesn't love them?

Jon Gosselin: I'm a Cry Baby

noreply@blogger.com (Kat) — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 19:58:00 +0000

Jon Gosselin wants to be pitied, plain and simple. So, he appears on ABC's "Primetime: Family Secrets" for an exclusive interview, where he says:

"We film it separately," Gosselin said. "She has her film crew. And I have my film crew. But I can't sit on the sofa with that woman. I can't sit on someone right now that I despise."

Sit on someone?

While Jon continues to look like a cowardly cry baby, as we've all seen on every season of Jon & Kate Plus 8, our girl Kate Gosselin dresses to the nines and goes out with bodyguard boyfriend, Steve Neild...and his wife.

His other bitch, Hailey Glassman, decides to go to sleep on a house plant (or is she trying to fuck it?) and then later breaks up with Jon.

In Touch reports:

"When Jon came back, he said very little to Hailey, but his phone spilled the details," the friend tells In Touch. "He had several text messages and photos taken with girls, including a showgirl. Hailey was shocked that he didn't bother to delete any of it from his phone."
On September 4, Hailey called Jon and told him she was through. "She'd had it," the close friend adds. "She said she couldn't trust him." Once madly in love, Hailey first grew suspicious of Jon's extracurricular activities when tabloid reporter Kate Major claimed she and Jon were an item in July. Although Jon told In Touch he and Kate were "just friends," Hailey was still skeptical. "He lied to her about Kate Major," the close friend reveals. Hailey also now believes that Jon was with other women as well, after he moved into a bachelor pad in New York. "He would go out and return wearing totally different clothes," the close friend explains. "Hailey would question Jon about it, and he'd just say he had spilled a drink on himself." Hailey also believes that Jon collects numbers from the adoring female fans who line the fence at the Reading, Pa., home he shares with his estranged wife, Kate. "She doesn't want to deal with that," the friend explains.

Overrated: Tyler Perry

noreply@blogger.com (Kat) — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 14:32:00 +0000

From subway ads to frequent television trailers, you cannot run away from Tyler Perry. How did this man become famous overnight?

Based on my Tyler Perry knowledge, this all started with Diary of a Mad Black Woman. That movie made black bitches across the U.S. jizz themselves after a friend of a friend gave 'em a bootleg copy filmed off their camcorder. Tigga please, that movie was a pathetic attempt to remake the white movie, "Misery."

Anyone who feels the need to put his name all over a movie or TV show's official title needs to go back to film school. I guess they don't teach that at Howard University*.

Lastly, why is he always in old hag drag? Is that supposed to be funny? A trademark? It doesn't make sense to me, but what doesn't make sense even more is why he has a huge following. I can't name 1 thing I see that's at all amusing, titillating, or entertaining in Tyler Perry films.

Is it really just a "black thing?" If so, can someone black explain this to me. As you can tell, I am genuinely confused. These movies are supposed to contain distinguishable, intriguing personalities, but his poorly written scripts don't serve them any justice; c'mon he plays grandma Tyshanda. He stamps Tyler Perry on everything; not like the all blickity black cast didn't give it away. And, it's the same storyline over and over again, "I'm black so that automatically means I'm poor. My life is so hard, pity me. White people are rich and mean."

We have a black president. Although he's not blickity, we've come a long way from cotton picking. How about your movies move on too, Tyler Perry?

*this asshole actually never went to college. i just felt the urge to call out a black school.

Who We're Loving Right Now

noreply@blogger.com (mel) — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 19:03:00 +0000

Heartthrob of the Month (August): Michael Vick

Who else can body slam dogs to their death or drown them in buckets and still get a huge contract playing professional football? Michael Vick isn't sorry...why should he be? Men do jail time so they don't ever have to say sorry. Thank you Philadelphia Eagles for showing us that ethics, morals, and common decency have no place in a money making endeavor like organized sports.

Get your votes in now for next months Hottie:

Green Mountain Killer
Charles Manson
Joran Van Der Sloot
OJ Simpson

top reasons why (no matter how much i try to hide it) ill always be a guidette

noreply@blogger.com (mel) — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 17:29:00 +0000

For those who do not know me, this post will have no merit to you but to those that know me....

let’s be honest—I couldn’t look any more Italian

With a middle name like Marie, what else could I be? A flip? lol

My last name is absurdly long and not only ends in a vowel but has 5 vowels altogether

Longest surnames (Source: Italian White Pages)

18 letters
Tschurtschenthaler
17 letters
Pasquadibisceglie, Di Francescantonio
15 letters
Monterubbianesi, Mastrofrancesco, Mastroberardino
14 letters
Abbracciavento, Castrogiovanni, Canavacciuolo, Colafranceschi

My men of choice: guidos aka Italians. Even when I don't look for them, they find me.

I love movies/tv shows like the godfather, goodfellas, the big night, casino, sopranos, Donnie Brasco, My blue heaven

Like a good little italiano I try and eat dinner by 4pm every Sunday

What's better than a great tan? Nothing-which is why I love tanning.

grade school = catholic, high school = catholic, grad school = catholic

I get my nails done every 2 weeks (permanent French and pedicure)

Morning, noon or night--I always wear make up.

While most guinea bitches get breast implants, I could use a breast reduction

Urban Dictionary- guidette:

A female guido; characteristic for having an absurdely long Italian name, breast implants, and tight clothing.

My job is with an Italian coffee company. My programmers are in Italy. I smell espresso ALL DAY.

I ALWAYS listen to my father

All this and I'm only half Italian. Next list top reasons why I do not believe I am 1/2 German.

Top 10 Products that Promote Stupidity

noreply@blogger.com (Kat) — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 14:39:00 +0000

We've all seen them. Those infomercials airing on late night TV promoting products that an average human being would never need. We watch with a confused look on our faces, saying, "What the fuuuck?" No wonder Bill Mays was on coke. Who would buy this shit? How dumb and lazy have we become to feel we need these products?

You know you're stupid if...

...you buy a pack of disposable razors and try to revive their sharpness with Save a Blade. Sorry, that's not stupid, that's just ghetto.

...you can't put thread through a needle or drive to your nearest dry cleaner to have your pants hemmed. Instead, you glue your clothes together using Mighty Mendit.

...you have issues with Obama killing your grandma, but yet you treat her like a dog by putting Life Alert around her neck.

...you have the privilege of using your two legs to walk, but would rather lay there and clap your hands like a retard to turn the light off with the Clapper.

...you maintain those great layers on your hair by vacuuming your head with a Flowbee instead of getting a haircut by a professional stylist.

...you think oral hygiene means scrapping your tongue with a long rod that probably tastes like a penny. Put down the Copper Tongue Scraper and go to the fucking dentist.

...you're incapable of cleaning a glass surface with a wet paper towel and insist you need the Glass Wizard that's on a stick so you don't have to reach 2 inches in front of your face.

...you can't grasp the fact that the numbers on a TV remote control are laid out in numeric order and claim you struggle seeing the buttons so you buy the Jumbo Universal Remote Control.

...you're so incompetent that you can't hold an egg, slam it against a corner, and rip it in half that you purchase the Egg Cracker.

...you scuffle in your blanket whenever you need to flip the channel with a remote, talk on the phone, or eat a snack so you finally bought the Snuggie...the blanket with sleeves.

Chick Psyche: Please Marry Me After a Year

noreply@blogger.com (Kat) — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 14:15:00 +0000

Last night, my niece, Giz, and I went to a party in a beautiful Murray Hill townhouse. Small talk is never my thing, but since we didn't know anyone, it was necessary. So, it just took three seconds into talking to this pathetic, low life girl to put a permanent bad taste in our mouths. She walks in wearing an outfit probably bought in a JC Penney department store with her hair straightened by a Puerto Rican using a clothes' iron. Somehow, the first conversation we had was about relationships, which can turn ugly...or just make you look stupid. "I think you should know after a year that you should get married. I don't understand people who go more than a year. What are you waiting for? I'm the biggest moron on this block. Is anybody listening to me? Why are you looking at me that way?" OK, slight exaggeration in the end there. But, honestly, Giz and I mentally kicked the shit out of her. Like the condescending retard that she is, she looks at Giz, who's sporting a rock on her left hand mind you, and says, "Well, unless you're young. Then that's different."

This fucking uneducated imbecile is so lucky we only had 3 glasses of
Pino Grigio when she walked in. I was ready to rip her white trash head off. A year? Getting engaged after a year of dating is something you do when you're
19. Sorry to break it to you, fucktard. This is definitely a top reason why women suck so much ass without actually "tossin' a salad." Comments like that make marriage look like something dumb people do to settle their desperation and feed their hunger for control.

If you feel the need to put a fucking timeline on any relationship, then it's time to re-evaluate what you actually have with that “significant other” (who this ass has been dating for a whopping 3 months). Pencil that in, ass wipe. R-e-e-v-a-l-u-a-t-e. If you think 2 rings on your finger and 2 signatures on a piece of paper increases the value of your “bond,” then get the tissues ready for when you find out your husband of 3 years has been cheating on you since the day you got back from the honeymoon. It makes me sick to my stomach that anyone over the age of 21 in New York would think this way. I just have to assume she's from CT/Jersey/LI/Westchester to calm myself down. You know...outsiders...who think it's all about job (age: 23) > hubby (age: 27) > babies (age: 30)--the detailed schedule that every pitiful girl abides by for every aspect of her life. Unfortunately, you never find these complete losers slitting their wrist in their bathrooms over a project plan gone wrong. You find them vomiting their retarded-ness all over you...and it's so hard getting that shit outta your hair.

Read More:

Education Reform: No Public Options!

noreply@blogger.com (Kat) — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 15:07:00 +0000

Parents are speaking out against public education. As the president visits towns across the nation, demonstrators hold posters reading "Obamahdinejad," in reference to Iran's president, and dubbing him a socialist. People screamed into bullhorns to protest a bigger government role in education. A young girl held up a sign that said: "Obama Lies, Student Cries."

Taxpayers, whose children attend private schools, question why they should pay for their neighbor’s children’s education. A trophy wife and mother of 4 shouted, “We need to stop the government from opening public schools in America! What will this mean for our children who are already enrolled in private schools? Obama and his administration are rationing our children’s education. Creating a public option will lead us into bankruptcy and cause another economic meltdown!”

However, the more civilized citizens, who are never heard, agree that America needs to provide education for all children and continuing education for adults. Mom of 6 year old Timmy says, “My son has been denied education simply because I’m a single mother and cannot afford to send him to a private school.” Sarah Palin, former Governor of Alaska, shockingly defended Obama saying, “My children all have a pre-condition of stupidity and are constantly being denied the proper education they need to hunt wolves and moose and bears. We must reform in order to eat!” A father in Utah said his children are unschooled as well because he only has one wife and the Mormon private school in their town did not accept his way of living.

The intense debate on universal education has caused quite a stir. Opponents claim that with more children attending schools; it leaves their children standing behind a long line (single file) before they can even enter the building. Proponents say no child should be left behind. Who will win this debate? FOX News has the countdown…

Finding Ghetto Via Twitter Hash Tags

noreply@blogger.com (Kat) — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 17:56:00 +0000

Let's face it. We're all completely shocked by the growing popularity of Twitter, the mini-blog/social networking site that was predicted to be an outright failure. From your average Joe Schmo to high profile peeps, like Ashton Kutcher, Nick Swisher, and Bill O'Reilly, people want you to give a fuck about what their doing or thinking on an hourly basis.

Then, came the hash tags (#), that allow you to categorize and tag your fucking tweets giving 'em more exposure to people who scan one particular subject. Well, at first, the top hash tags were pretty simple, #iranelection for example. Then, they transpired into another social phenomenon attracting complete retards to call out...well...their retarded-ness.

As a tweeter (follow @kathyrodriguez), I've exposed myself to a bunch of ghetto ebonics through the following hashtags:

#uknowuhood:

#uknowuhood when you have no nail polish remover so you put nail polish on top of nail polish n scrub it off on the carpet..
#uknowuhood if yhu couldnt wait for the food stamps to come in, so yhu could get some popsicles
#uknowuhood wen yo trunk gota stick of wood 2 hold da car hood up..u cant open da drivers side fm da outsid n yo trunk stay close wita rope

#uknowursprung:

#uknowursprung when he hasnt called n u block ur number n call him just to see if he picks up...
#uknowursprung when gotchu ridin ya ridin past his mama house ridin past his exs house .ridin ya ridin past his boy house tryin to find him
#uknowursprung when u eat her out and don't even go to the bathroom after n throw water on ya face. U Just go about your day.

I had no idea Hispanics and blacks tweeted. What a revelation for the ghetto race!

Of course, I had to join in on the fun:

Unfortunately, #uKnowurAPatheticLoser hasn't gone viral...yet.

Top 10 Characteristics We Hate in Women

noreply@blogger.com (mel) — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 17:55:00 +0000

Women are the most annoying creatures on earth. Here's a list of the top hated traits 80% of women have.

10. they are really fkn nerdy (not in the cool nerd way) but dont think they are losers. they just think they are better than you and even wear shirts that have the periodic table of texting on them.

9. They are obsessive about the color pink. I have no words.

8. they brag about nothing. Everyone knows a woman who always brags about her life, her bf, and/or her relationship. The whole time you sit there thinking, “Her life sucks, she makes $30k a year, and her bf cheats on her.”

7. they complain that their gfs disappear whenever they have a new bf, but always do the same thing themselves

6. They rely on men for all housework—they wont even put a nail in the wall to hang a picture.

5. they always pretend to be drunk way too quickly and have to remind you every few minutes with "i'm so fucked up" or "i'm so wrecked."

4. they expect men to support them financially and buy them expensive things

3. they facebook every aspect of their life. where and what they ate, where they are going, who they're with...who gives a fuck

2. They take life too seriously and have no sense of humor. If a circle jerk isn’t funny to you—fuck off.

1. they are always overly dressed. These are the bitches that rock short, tight dresses that graze their cooch to any place that a cock might be at.

HONORABLE MENTIONS

They wear slutty Halloween costumes.

They wear pants with writing across the butt.

They all constantly need to divulge their problems and ask for advice but NEVER take it.

Charlyne Yi and Channing Tatum Get it On Dirty Dancing Style

noreply@blogger.com (Kat) — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 19:31:00 +0000

I had mixed feelings about Charlyne Yi after watching her nutty self on Knocked Up. She was so over-the-top weird that it wasn't that funny to me. But, after watching the Paper Heart trailer, I decided I do like her! She's kinda cute in that nerdy Asian girl way and her parodic performance as Baby from Dirty Dancing was hilarious. Channing Tatum even gained a little bit of respect from me (you can keep on citing him as G.I. Joe, but he'll always be the dude from Step Up), who I know for sure I absolutely DO NOT LIKE. Watch the video below (skip to 4:00 to get it on with the "dancing").

<a href="http://video.msn.com/?mkt=en-US&from=sp&vid=304364f2-e037-48b6-9ffe-8f67ad6539b1" target="_new" title="Channing Tatum and Charlyne Yi Cinemash "Dirty Dancing"">Video: Channing Tatum and Charlyne Yi Cinemash "Dirty Dancing"</a>

Health Care Reform: Socialism in Your Own Home

noreply@blogger.com (Kat) — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 22:11:00 +0000

You can't get away from the health care coverage no matter how hard you try; it is a ubiquitous debate that influences mass discussions not only on CNN or FOX News, but Twitter and Facebook.

What happens when talks of reform hit too close to home and you find yourself debating with your partner instead of the Dems? Well, here is my story of socialism under one roof.

I am a hard-working American citizen. I’ve done exceptional work for all 2 companies I’ve worked for and have never missed a beat in paying any kind of taxes. On top of it all, I’ve always been extremely happy with my health benefits and don’t mind paying my $55 employee contribution to receive great coverage. However, Bucky has a different tale. He has health benefits provided by his company, but never goes to the doctor, which he is in dire need to do. His benefits cover nothing even though his employee contributions have gone up, which means even though he is technically covered, he still cannot afford to seek medical attention.

His solution: join my insurance as a domestic partner.
My response: THAT’S SOCIALISM! …I think?

The Republicans have opened up my eyes to this idea of “socialism.” In the past 6 months, it has become a synonym for “Democrat” and Democrat means “hand me downs.” So, I’m just putting two and two together here. This term doesn’t only mean governmental ownership anymore, but the idea that a society has to pay for other people’s problems. And, this is what Bucky wants me to do for him.

I have a great health package and work hard for my company so they will continue to compensate me with amazing benefits and bonuses. Why should my hard work pay for someone else’s health issues? We need reform in health care because tens of thousands of people are dying? Give me a fucking break. I love having health care as a privilege instead of a right. I live in the fucking city. If I have a migraine that won’t go away for 2 hours, I want immediate medical attention (uh, codeine please). I refuse to stand in line behind gun shot victims and smelly senior citizens who can hardly pay for their treatment. I have the money; I should be able to cut the line. And, I have! But Barack HUSSEIN Obama and this notion of “change” in America is going to stop me from having special treatment. Hospitals will prioritize the order patients will be seen based on their condition as opposed to the cash money they have in their wallets. Excuse me, but I refuse to be any number except for 1.

So, Bucky, your insurance plan is taking advantage of you? I guess you need to find a new job that offers reasonable health benefits. Oh, what? We’re going through an economic depression right now and switching jobs isn’t ideal? Well, I’m sorry to hear that, but why should more money be deducted from my paycheck to cover your health just because private insurance companies treat our physical problems like a business? We’re in critical need of population control as it is. If we just let these poor people die off the face of America, then we don’t have to ever worry about health care reform. We can’t always ask ourselves “what would Jesus do?” That’s just unrealistic!

The Republicans have taught me to cover my own ass and don’t expect people to give a shit whether or not I’m dying. The more important things in life are to make sure no one has abortions or marry someone of the same sex.

Yeah....right.

RIP: Gidget

noreply@blogger.com (Kat) — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 17:14:00 +0000

Taco Bell advertisement mascot Gidget arrives at the world premiere of Warner Bros. Pictures' "Cats and Dogs" June 23, 2001 at the Mann's Village Theatre in Westwood, CA.
Photograph by: Chris Weeks, Getty Images

From The Vancouver Sun:

LOS ANGELES — Yo quiero no more: The Taco Bell chihuahua has gone to doggie heaven.

The pooch famous for its role in the late-1990s Taco Bell commercials has died, reports People.com.

Gidget, a female dog who played a male dog on TV, was given the computer-enhanced ability to exclaim "Yo quiero Taco Bell!" in the popular advertisement.

The chihuahua suffered a stroke at the Los Angeles suburban home of her longtime trainer Sue Chipperton.

"She made so many people happy,” Chipperton said. “I like to joke that it’s like looking after a plant. Gidget always knew where the camera was."

We're Allowed to Like Chris Brown Again

noreply@blogger.com (Kat) — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 11:00:00 +0000

While watching Chris Brown's exactly 2 minute apology, I waited for something really hilarious to happen. It looked just like a Funny or Die video. Unfortunately, nothing happened and I spent 2 minutes listening to this thug pronounce "asked" as "axed." I honestly doubt this asshole is anywhere near sorry. He waited months to apologize and was seen partying everywhere after he beat Rihanna's face into something more annoying than it originally was. Sorry? I don't think so.

What would you have liked to see during this 2 minute self pitying video?

...Ashton Kutcher jumping out wearing a trucker hat screaming, "You got PUNK'D, Rihanna!" (That may have happened the night of the actual beating.)

Top 10 Terrible Things Caused by a Relationship

noreply@blogger.com (mel) — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 15:53:00 +0000

Contributor: Kat

10. The Break Up. Only diamonds last forever unless you have to give one back.

9. Preemptive War. Bush isn't the only one that knows how to rile things up. Women and gay men were born with the weapons that will brutally fuck up their partner emotionally. Verbally abusing your S.O. by belitting his self-worth every 5 seconds and intentionally hurting him by bumpin' and grindin' with a stranger usually works well here; expect some Post Traumatic Stress Disorders, assholes!

8. Birth Control. Chicks are forced to juice themselves up with outrageous amounts of artificial hormones daily because it's always their fault if they get knocked up.

7. The 3 Year Rule. Your 3 year anniversary is here, meaning you already past the honeymoon stage and now you see him for what he really is--realizing all his faults, problems, and idiosyncrasies--now it’s time to decide whether to accept him this way or hit the road.

6. Compromise. You no longer always get what you want or do what you want. Compromise, in most relationships, means always doing what the other person wants.

5. Survival of the Fittest. Herbert Spencer should have spent his wise years studying why your main squeeze's mom likes the ex better than you. Maybe you can’t see any redeeming qualities in his ex but his mom can list 20 things on the top of her head. I guess being a kiss ass works well with natural selection.

4. Dealing with Your Partner's Ex. Do these cunt/douche bags ever go away? When you date someone you have to deal with them and their past. Be prepared to be harassed for months by a lunatic who should be hospitalized.

3. Meeting the Friends. If these people were your type of people, you’d already be friends with them. Forcing new relationships upon anyone because they pre-date you is terrible.

2. Meeting Family. It’s not only meeting the fam that sucks, it’s the whole pretending to love everyone that blows even harder.

1. A Relationship. Let’s face it, it is definitely more work then being single.

Who We're Loving Right Now

noreply@blogger.com (Kat) — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 15:36:00 +0000

Heartthrob of the Month (July): Bradley Cooper

He was married to Jennifer Esposito and had a one night stand with Jennifer Aniston, which makes Bradley Cooper truly a stud.

Black people, Get Your Fried Chicken and Potato Salad at the GOP!

noreply@blogger.com (Kat) — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 18:19:00 +0000

From The Mile Hive:

Asked what efforts he's undertaking to include minorities in the Republican Party, Michael Steele, the party's new chairman, replies, "My plan is to say, 'Y'all come, because a lot of you are already here.'" He adds laughing, "I got the fried chicken and potato salad, OK."

Unfortunately for Steele, Meghan McCain (praiser of homos and sex) was the only one who showed, running as fast as her fat ass would let her. "Did someone say fried chicken?"

Speaking of fat, why is McCain so fucking ugly and disgusting? Homo mag and site, Out.com, sat down with McLardy to talk about how she loves gays.

Shortly before McCain sat for this interview, Samuel Wurzelbacher, aka Joe the Plumber, gave an interview to Christianity Today in which he complained about “queers” and declared, “I wouldn’t have them anywhere near my children.” Unprompted, McCain rails against the man her father’s presidential campaign touted as an American everyman and made a showpiece in the weeks before the election. “Joe the Plumber -- you can quote me -- is a dumbass. He should stick to plumbing.”

Oh the wonderful world of the GOP...

Brooke Shields on Michael Jackson: We Had Asexual Relations

noreply@blogger.com (Kat) — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 20:34:00 +0000

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Brooke Shields should win an Oscar for this performance. She also wins a special place in my heart. I've been suffering from insomnia lately and she put me right to sleep. The best 8 minute, 8 second power nap yet...

From AP:
Shields said the two became close since sexuality wasn't a part of their friendship. She describes her young self as "the most celebrated virgin ever" at a time when women "wanted to throw themselves at (Jackson) and feel like they were going to teach him."

Shields said that as Jackson grew up, "the more asexual he became to me." But he was curious about her early relationships.

Mechelle McNair—an accepting party?

noreply@blogger.com (mel) — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 19:05:00 +0000

What’d you think; you could fuck this crazy Iranian bitch, promise her the world and then duck out in the 11th hour? She sure showed you. BAM BAM--a bullet in each fkn temple and three more in the chest. While McNair was a great quarterback and seemed to be a class act I can’t help but wonder where he found so much time to wine and dine this hood rat in Vegas, Key West, and even his family farm in Mississippi without his wife Mechelle McNair finding out. Me thinks somebody is lying. A woman knows her man—she knows when he’s fooling around and she certainly knows when he’s lying about something. She has yet to release a statement, I mean, what could she say. Many famous celebrities and athletes get free pass when they are away—was this their deal? She did have a 3 million dollar house and lots of other goodies.

This whole thing took me by surprise this weekend. I was actually in Baltimore for the weekend so this shit was everywhere (McNair played for the Baltimore Ravens). As soon as I heard he was with a woman I was like, “oh, he was cheating.” I just thought it was an ex boyfriend or McNair’s wife catching them in their little hideaway. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned and Sahel Kazemi definitely must have been feeling fucked over to commit this sin. Could it have been the DUI arrest that pushed Steve to try to break it off? There was no way this man was leaving his wife who cared for his 4 kids, 2 of which weren’t even her own. Sahel bought the gun after the DUI so this was all premeditated in her head. Was it that she felt if she couldn’t have him no one should? Or was it that she introduced him to her family and they had discussed marriage and his divorce? Who knows, that bitch splattered that evidence all over her walls. For someone to say they love someone and then buck 5 shots into them it doesn’t make much sense.

This should be a lesson to men. Cheat all you want but tell it like it is. Don’t promise a side piece anything because she just might call you out on it—with a shot gun.

Facebook and Twitter: Where You Find Nutty People

noreply@blogger.com (Kat) — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 20:05:00 +0000

"This is still America… freedom of speech and thought is still allowed… for now any ways… and the last time i checked I was a good ole southern boy… and if yur ass is black don’t let the sun set on it in a southern town…"
- Eric Pike on Audra Shay's Facebook wall

From The Daily Beast:
Note to Republicans: Racist “humor,” the Internet, and political ambitions don’t mix. Audra Shay, vice chairman of the Young Republicans and the leading candidate to be elected its chairman on Saturday, is now the latest in a growing list of GOP officials learning this lesson the hard way, based on pictures of a now-deleted Facebook page obtained by The Daily Beast.

On Wednesday, Shay—a 38-year-old Army veteran, mother, and event planner from Louisiana who has been endorsed by her governor, Bobby Jindal—was holding court on her Facebook page, initiating a political conversation by posting that “WalMart just signed a death warrant” by “endorsing Obama’s healthcare plan.” At 1:52, a friend named listed as Eric S. Piker, but whose personal page says his actual name is Eric Pike, wrote “It’s the government making us commies… can’t even smoke in my damn car… whats next they going to issue toilet paper once a month… tell us how to wipe our asses…”

Two minutes later, Piker posted again saying “Obama Bin Lauden [sic] is the new terrorist… Muslim is on there side [sic]… need to take this country back from all of these mad coons… and illegals.”

Eight minutes after that, at 2:02, Shay weighed in on Piker’s comments: “You tell em Eric! lol.”

Check out her Facebook Profile

After I posted Speidi: Now Into Conspiracies and Shit last week, I couldn't help but find Heidi Montag's Twitter page. I love how her fans are fed up with her Bible bullshit and unfollowed her. Also, why is she all up in Perez Hilton's shit? Is he a homo Republican or is she trying to help him find the light?

Check out Heidi Montag's Twitter:
Im going to start a woman's biblestudy!

get ready for Jesus coming back! watchout for the antichrist and the mark of the beast! which is the chip they want to put in you!

the churches are being taken over! Chrstians speak out!! spread the news about Jesus before its too late!

@perezhilton I love you! and you know who else loves you... Jesus! lol come on! xoxoxox!!

Naturally, I had to check out Mel's girl's Twitter page. I guess someone stole "Sarah Palin" as a username so she had to go with "AKGOVSarahPalin." It's everything you'd ever dreamed of--constant whining about the press and linking to articles about herself.

Check out Sarah Palin's Twitter:
Attached is my "thank you" sent yesterday to express gratitude, & smack down lies at same time http://tinyurl.com/q28wl5

Trying to keep up w/getting truth to u, like proof there's no "FBI scandal", here's link http://tinyurl.com/nzlae8 Thanks, AK!

Critics are spinning, so hang in there as they feed false info on the right decision made as I enter last yr in office to not run again....

Check out Lt. Gov. Parnell’s response re: my announcement today @ http://tinyurl.com/l8xv3v