Isayso101

Too keen

noreply@blogger.com (Jacques van der Merwe) — Tue, 19 May 2009 09:24:00 +0000

You thought you jumped through a hoop with flames around it – instead you jumped into the gates of hell.

The force

noreply@blogger.com (Jacques van der Merwe) — Mon, 18 May 2009 08:36:00 +0000

If people are idiots, and I am a people - then the jedi in me is fighting on two fronts.

Stupid White Men

noreply@blogger.com (Jacques van der Merwe) — Sat, 16 May 2009 09:39:00 +0000

Now first things first, I nicked the title from Michael Moore, and I have to say I don’t like the guy. I tried to read five sentences of his book before I decided it was absolute tosh. Now without even an attempt of a literary review, I will just shoot him down on the fact that he is a fat guy that doesn’t shave – poetically referred to as Moore-ing down. If you want to be a coke and heroin addict that’s fine, look at Anthony Kiedis. His book was great, and most of his story is about speed-balling in rat-invested motels and under bridges – he got high most of the time and shagged pretty girls, and best of all he sang about it – while obviously being skinny. Mental note – tomorrow I’m going on a 10 day fast, a quick weight loss programme.

So getting back to the original idea of the post – talking about Zuma. If life’s a game and it’s about them and not you, then how did a place like South Africa end up in the hands of a guy like Zuma? I mean the guy is a crook, a thief and not particularly bright. He had sex with a girl that he knew had aids and then took a shower for prevention, which he admitted to under oath. Now the big puzzle is that he now officially runs the country. I understand the concept of I am a ‘C’ student hence I employ ‘A’ students, and that ‘A’ students are usually the race horses. But heck! Zuma is an ‘F’ student – that’s like the examiner had to look for marks and gave him a something for the fact that he at least put an ‘X’ down where he had attempted to write his name.

So a bunch of stupid white men couldn’t control the situation to an adequate level. If you think about it his formula is simple, old school sales called the hook line and sinker approach – the boiler room IPO pitch. Tell them what they want to hear, give them a little and when it comes to delivery, take everything they’ve got. Couldn’t the powers that be just have provided an alternative geyser who caught the 10.4 million idiots that voted for Zuma with a “lets sell you with a what you want to hear pitch”, and then by chance not delivered on the typical African Renaissance commitment to starvation, violence and disease? Think about it, lie – but for a good reason. We employed our actor with the condition that if he didn’t totally screw up the country he could get a golden bath and 100 virgins, as long as he showered before and after. Thinking about it, there might be a slight chance that Zuma is on a payroll, unfortunately the chances are slim. Assuming that is not the case, I have come up with a new saying:

Every time the supposedly intelligent operators lose the game. We can say they’ve been out Zuma-ed!

Haha the Americans weren’t out Zuma-ed, God bless America.

What’s the difference between man and God?

noreply@blogger.com (Jacques van der Merwe) — Thu, 14 May 2009 16:31:00 +0000

Man needs God, where God doesn’t need man.

I’ve been doing the three month audit of my business affairs and have picked up a number of indiscrepancies; the money always goes missing if you don’t check it. My fault for leaving it too long! Fortunately I have maths with those lovely equations on my side – if you take something from the one side you need to balance it out on the other. Now this is where I can see some people don’t get it, so they cheat with the false belief that they won’t get caught or that there will be no consequences to their actions - and that started me thinking of the concept of moral hazard.

See people will steal if they feel there is no risk of being caught. It is very seldom that peoples internal moral frame work drives their actions – or maybe I feel that this is how the world has become. It’s only a crime if you can get caught.

That’s why we need God – I think there was a time that people had this feeling that even if they couldn’t get caught they wouldn’t do it; those furnaces of hell just didn’t seem to be a good option, and as long as the critical mass of those people where sufficient things went alright.

Today we have decided we are humanist – humanity exists for the sake of humanity. It’s a bit of a circular belief – ever tried a circular reference formula in MS Excel. And to be fair I don’t think any of the hard men ever signed up for the whole human rights things. I just can’t see how any tough guy - think cowboy, or knight of the round table would really buy into it. What’s this stuff about criminals need cosy accommodation, drag queens need freedom to do what they want, and you’re not allowed to go and beat up the dodgy looking guy on the sex register that just moved into your neighbourhood, wasn’t he suppose to have been put in the wrong cell?

So today we have a bunch of airy fairies and a number of out of work cowboys – actually to be honest the cowboys are making more money now than they ever did, as they are not being kept busy fighting for something they belief in. The average Joe is happy to nick anything he can get his hands on. And the children run the show – well for at least as long as they last without being beaten up by the bigger children.

Now the only problem is that I think old George W. sold his whole speal on something described so far, the only thing is I think it was a bit of a corrupt model based more on fear mongering and lack of proper critical thinking.

See the golden age of Western Society started with the Renaissance, you had the reformation that purified the religious value system and you had the embrace of science. So morals and critical thinking joined at the same time. The success was never due to capitalism or socialism or any other economic model, these just increased efficiency – that’s not what made it work.

Now we have something that I don’t really understand – but I know it doesn’t really work when modelled on MS Excel.

So can someone ask God if he would return as we’ve hit a time of moral hazards and we don’t seem to have good solutions going at the moment.

The letter that should have gone out.

noreply@blogger.com (Jacques van der Merwe) — Wed, 13 May 2009 10:43:00 +0000

Dear Doctor

As your bank manager will have noticed – and no doubt is extremely grateful for – we have been paying you 22% more money lately. Simultaneously, your patients must have noticed your productivity has fallen by 2%. This has been a strategy of ours implemented ever since the funny-looking clown guy took office, this has been continued after the Scotsman took over.

We would like to ask you a favour. Those whinny guys at the World Health Organisation are nagging us again as it seems our standards of health have dropped below that of Tutustan. They have contacted our Health Protection Agency and asked that we improve our levels of immunisation. As we have a lovely rat-infested borrow of depravity they are a bit worried that we might be spreading some diseases that should have been eradicated in 1705. We need to give Pepe the Chav kid and his scruffy mates their shots so that good tax-paying citizens in suburbia can safely visit our burrow with their young babies.

As we don’t have any more money left after the good bankers ran out of ponzi victims and the government footed the bill. Oh, by the way, the IMF is also getting a bit whinny – apparently our politicians and financial regulators are putting the most corrupt Tutustan officials to shame. It’s so bad that flea-invested Tutustanian migrants are now swimming over the Channel to France. The French are complaining they can’t cope with the migration and Calais is full. They could do with more tents, if you have any spare tents lying around, a contribution would be appreciated.

Apparently the Tutustanians are complaining there is nothing left to do on our island as the money’s gone and our goats aren’t as well trained as theirs. They might as well return to Abbaladastad, their capital, where they have corrupt officials, no money and willing goats to keep them entertained.

We will need access to your immunisation data – pretty please with sugar on top – can you help us out on this one. We promise we will see if we can give you a couple of days off in the near future. We’ll also talk to Pepe and his scruffy crowd about your willing participation – they might be less inclined to scratch your new Ferrari.

Regards
Isayso101

Fighting the witches

noreply@blogger.com (Jacques van der Merwe) — Tue, 12 May 2009 08:43:00 +0000

"Evil Prevails when Good Men Fail To Act"....

The great thing about history

noreply@blogger.com (Jacques van der Merwe) — Sun, 10 May 2009 13:02:00 +0000

... it can always be rewritten.

Humanity explained extended

noreply@blogger.com (Jacques van der Merwe) — Sun, 10 May 2009 12:55:00 +0000

The monkey looked into the water and saw it's own reflextion. The monkey then had a dream of what it wanted to see.

Just had to add this - will remove on request (a bit of copyright infringement)

noreply@blogger.com (Jacques van der Merwe) — Sun, 10 May 2009 10:54:00 +0000

What dog's do in Wales when they are not watching TV.

noreply@blogger.com (Jacques van der Merwe) — Sat, 09 May 2009 19:20:00 +0000

A dog's life

Life's a walking shadow - setting up the play

noreply@blogger.com (Jacques van der Merwe) — Thu, 07 May 2009 15:10:00 +0000

Production: Isayso101 productions
The typewriter: Lenovo X60

The stage: Buccaneer Island aka Rabbit Island

The plot: Search for the holy grail of info bits – code bits of the stage of life
Subplot1: Getting the money and honey
Subplot2: Get Miss Bumble Bee in the leather outfit, preferably singing

Actors:
Lead actress: Miss Bumble Bee (our very own Olivia Newton-John)
The admiral: DD (the financier)
The captain: Son of Genghis (our Afghan strategist)
The privateer: The Blue Boer (under commission of Oranja)
The mercenary: Uncle Mervin (gold fingers)
First mate: The Toy Maker (the china man)
The frogman: Swim geek (the frogman of the information pool)
The drunken Welshman: The gunner
The secret agent: Cool Cat (fighting the armies of evil)

The villians:
The three witches of Islington, The happy witch, the incompetent witch and the evil witch.

Grease Lighting: Land transport, the Vespa
The Ship: The Groswell
The drinking hole: The Angelica

How many chickens?

noreply@blogger.com (Jacques van der Merwe) — Tue, 05 May 2009 16:09:00 +0000

Never put all your eggs in one basket, and then tell everyone where's the basket. - management advice from Son of Genghis.

The 4 stages:

noreply@blogger.com (Jacques van der Merwe) — Sat, 02 May 2009 16:46:00 +0000

The time of the hero.
The time of the engineer.
The time of the artist.
The time of the crook.

Hmm... think we need to start looking for a hero.

A proper response to a girl getting difficult: (the manly way)

noreply@blogger.com (Jacques van der Merwe) — Sat, 02 May 2009 16:32:00 +0000

You know what; I can also throw my toys out of the cot, I am just still busy building the cot.

Humanity explained:

noreply@blogger.com (Jacques van der Merwe) — Sat, 02 May 2009 16:15:00 +0000

The monkey looked into the water and saw its own reflection.

Combining sales and product delivery

noreply@blogger.com (Jacques van der Merwe) — Sat, 02 May 2009 14:47:00 +0000

So you promised them a stallion, but they are getting a pony.

End of the financial year ...

noreply@blogger.com (Jacques van der Merwe) — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 23:46:00 +0000

My job is like standing on a block of ice, as long as I stay cool I will be alright.

We need someone to say we will do the job, and we need someone to say the job's done.

Sayso's

noreply@blogger.com (Jacques van der Merwe) — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 00:43:00 +0000

Loyalty is about future expectations - relating to the business world

The hunter is only ever hunted by the buffalo - relating to girls chasing guys

In life you either fook, or get fooked. But there is no option of not getting any - relating to the world in general

Friendship is mutual abuse without harmful intent.

Living in a Post Enron era

noreply@blogger.com (Jacques van der Merwe) — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 01:46:00 +0000

Law and order in society generally work because police go to college and street thugs who flunked out of school can barely read or write, for the brighter crooks that can actually read and write we have the guys at the FBI or in Englands case Scotland Yard (cops with degrees).

Now what happens if the bankers with MBA’s and actuarial degrees start steeling?

They pull the biggest bank job in the world and walk out with perfect immunity.

My pension is going straight under my bed – and if any of those skinny bankers come close to my savings I’ll thump them.

The rules of the game

noreply@blogger.com (Jacques van der Merwe) — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 01:23:00 +0000

If you owe a little, they own you
If you owe a lot, you own them
The guy who owe's the most rules the world
It's simple economics!

Quote for the day

noreply@blogger.com (Jacques van der Merwe) — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 13:58:00 +0000

The future is already here – it's just not evenly distributed.
—William Gibson, quoted in The Economist, December 4, 2003[117]

Just a quick one for a Friday afternoon – will Raymond still fly Qantas?

noreply@blogger.com (Jacques van der Merwe) — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 16:07:00 +0000

Charlie: Ray, all airlines have crashed at one time or another, that doesn't mean that they are not safe.
Raymond: QANTAS. QANTAS never crashed.
Charlie: QANTAS?
Raymond: Never crashed.
Charlie: Oh that's gonna do me a lot of good because QANTAS doesn't fly to Los Angeles out of Cincinnati, you have to get to Melbourne! Melbourne, Australia in order to get the plane that flies to Los Angeles!

Check out the hole in the plain:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/global/2008/jul/25/australia.theairlineindustry

So movie fact: Qantas never crash ... considering they landed safely we'll give them that one.
Movie Myth: Getting sucked out of a broken window in a passenger liner... considering the size of the hole in the plain ... by movie standards half the people on that plane should be in the ocean.

My new blogg

noreply@blogger.com (Jacques van der Merwe) — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 15:54:00 +0000

I have decided to put structure in place towards my daily ponderings and share these thoughts with the rest of the world. Also I have started playing around with all the lovely web features that Google have invested in. A new toy to fill the Kerviel Gap.

So to all those that happen to stumble on my little scratch book of ideas I hope you enjoy the reading …