InSearchofLily

baby I'm from New York...

lily@insearchoflily.com (Lily Somilleda) — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 16:40:00 +0000

...concrete jungle where dreams are made of. There's nothing you can't do!

It's funny that I never know the exact day I moved to New York. You'd think that would be one of those moments in your life when you'd know all the little details of what was going on that day, but to be honest it's all a little bit of a blur. I don't say that because I tried to forget the experience. Really it all just happened so fast, that it's hard to remember exactly what happened.

About five years ago, sometime in the fourth week of July, I was packing up all my stuff getting it ready to be UPS'd to New York City. Yes... I UPS'd my stuff here. It was only like 8-10 small boxes of clothes, pictures, and personal effects. I didn't have a plan, wasn't sure what was going to happen, but I knew this is where I needed to be.

Somehow I had convinced myself 75 days earlier that if I could make it in New York, then nothing else mattered.... and well here I am. Five years later in love, enjoying life, and living in the moment. All I can say is if and when you ever REALLY want to challenge yourself... go ahead and just do it.

What do you have to lose?

At that point in my life I had felt trapped, not by my job or my family, just mentally trapped by fear of failure. I didn't know how to challenge myself. Life had thrown some pretty challenging obstacles in my way, but I didn't have a purpose. I lost both my parents pretty young, had a few failed attempts at love and relationships, and I was lost in my head half the time. Life was a little dark - I'm not going to lie. I was in a the midst of a hardcore pity party. There were days when I felt cheated, mad at the world because my life sucked - while everybody else was happy in bliss, enjoying the blessings in life that God had failed to grant me.

My outlook and perspective on life was a little jaded to say the least. Back then I was a much angrier person, but mostly angry with myself. I intentionally isolated myself as a form of consolement. It's hard to feel like people understand you, when they have no way to relate to the things you are going through. So I needed to become nobody... so I could be somebody.

I had come to the realization that if I didn't find a way to figure out what I wanted out of life, then there was no possibility of ever achieving anything. As I've heard it said once before, you need to "plan your work and work your plan". My plan was to find my passion, so I could be passionate about life.

Five years later... I was blessed with more than I could have ever dreamed of and I'm not bullshitting you either. It took a really long time to get here, but I finally made it on my own... with my own blood, my own sweat, and a whole lot of tears. It feels pretty nice.

Next time, remind me to tell you about how Umo made it to New York. That story involves quite an experience with airport security, and is far more interesting!

What the hell are you doing?

lily@insearchoflily.com (Lily Somilleda) — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 15:00:00 +0000

Okay... okay... okay... I'll come out with it already.

In some ways I'm a little embarrassed to say this because I fear you might judge and say mean things about me, but in other ways it's almost liberating to think that I control my destiny. Yup! I get to sit around in pajamas all day if I want to. It's a big responsibility taking life into your own hands and molding your future.

A few days ago I mentioned I was no longer "working for the man". This is 100% totally accurate and never have I felt so at ease in my life. It's true! You don't realize how stressful life can be, when you're at the mercy of someone else's game plan. How I came to this point though was not as I expected it to be.

In a nutshell about eight weeks ago, I was in a position at work where the management group and I were not "on the same page". Unfortunately I'm not allowed to divulge the details because a piece of paper will hold me in contempt BUT... I will say Obama currently signs my paycheck. I was pushed into an early sabbatical so to speak. You don't know the kinds of things your mind will do to you when you have no purpose. For a minute I felt lost, ashamed, embarrassed, scared, depressed, all those things that go with a loss in your identity. And to make all those feelings even worse; all I could think about was how just a few weeks earlier, I left a really good stable company for the possibility of endless riches with this new position.

But is work really what defines you? Your job? I wasn't curing cancer, so why did it matter if I lost my job and didn't have to beat myself up day to day doing something I didn't love? I should have been thankful, because really it was a blessing in disguise!

Considering the timing, this all actually happened in the best possible moment. I was weeks away from graduating culinary school. I'm getting married in a couple months. And best of all it's SUMMER! No longer do I have to deal with the funk of the city in the sweltering summer heat. I get to hang out in my cool apartment, doing all those things I've been putting off for months and really figuring out what living and enjoying life means.

But you're probably wondering right now, as any logical person would... What about money Lily? One day it will come. I'm serious... I am blessed enough to have what I need in life.

Happiness. Love. Health.

Best of all it's the clean canvas I've wanted all my life, so I can paint my future. A fresh start! I've considered it long and hard, and now know that it's not in my destiny to work for someone else (at least not right now anyway). I don't want to sound cliche... but this is my chance to reach for the stars. Why not take it?

In the coming weeks I'll probably need your help and ask with all sincerity and humbleness that you help me make a dream become reality. I've tossed the idea around of creating a food blog, and now I know this is what I'm supposed to be doing. So once my food media company is up and running, I hope you'll help to spread the word because it will be my livelihood.

As they say... your work is always best when it comes from the heart.

on the brain

lily@insearchoflily.com (Lily Somilleda) — Sat, 24 Jul 2010 18:17:00 +0000

I wish I had a yard.

Buried Treasure: 6 Days Later

lily@insearchoflily.com (Lily Somilleda) — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 16:37:00 +0000

Day 6: Buried Treasure - Wednesday, July 21, 2010

I was digging through some boxes getting the apartment ready to be painted, when I came across this little jewel. It's a classic 1970's Kodak Pocket Instamatic 10. The best part being that a cartridge of 110 film is still inside. I feel like I unlocked a time capsule!

Let's hope I can find someone who will know how to develop the film.

on the brain

lily@insearchoflily.com (Lily Somilleda) — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 18:00:00 +0000

I need to do a celebrity "What's in your kitchen?" series. Now where to find the celebrities?

Get'cha Be'er He're: 4 Days Later

lily@insearchoflily.com (Lily Somilleda) — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 18:03:00 +0000

Day 4: Where am I going to keep the food? - Monday, July 19, 2010

Who ever said you can never have enough beer apparently doesn't eat! What the hell am I going to do with all this beer?

Culinary School: 365 Days Later

lily@insearchoflily.com (Lily Somilleda) — Sun, 18 Jul 2010 21:37:00 +0000

I know you're waiting for me to go into the details of what I've got going on after culinary school and I promise to tell you what that is VERY SOON, but for now I wanted to share a different project I'll be working on at the same time.

In hopes of tracking my personal accomplishments and everyday moments, I've decided to put a 365 photo project together documenting my life after The French Culinary Institute. You can follow my progress on Flickr. I hope you'll enjoy it!

Day 2: Dave Matthews Band Concert at Citi Field - Saturday, July 17, 2010

do you remember...

lily@insearchoflily.com (Lily Somilleda) — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 15:53:00 +0000

that one time when I told you to please be nice and try not to get me fired from work? You can just disregard that little note... cause I am no longer working for the man!

There is nothing greater in life than working all day in your pajamas (or underwear as I am at this very moment) and making an honest living for yourself. Watch out world cause here I come!

I'm sure like the rest of my family, you're probably wondering what the hell is going on. I promise to tell you more very soon. Let me just get through my culinary final tonight and graduation tomorrow. Then I can give you all the cool details.

This is very exciting!

on the brain

lily@insearchoflily.com (Lily Somilleda) — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 00:41:00 +0000

Would you hate me if this became entirely a food blog? I know my life is sooooo much more interesting right... NOT!

It's coming. Get ready for it.

In Search of... the perfect dish. the perfect recipe. the perfect life.

Is it over already?

lily@insearchoflily.com (Lily Somilleda) — Sun, 11 Jul 2010 06:19:00 +0000

I have to admit... I'm a little sad right now. Culinary school just flew by so fast! I don't know if I really got a chance to let it all sink in. Does the ride have to stop?

Answer me this; why is it when you're in the moment you totally take for granted what you've got going, and then when it's all over you try to absorb every last ounce of what you're doing? I guess this is just the first time in my life when I've ever really been passionate about my education. When you finish high school or go through college there is more of a sense of relief, but this time it's different. I feel like I just want to keep learning and trying harder and being better.

I suppose with time other challenges will come my way, and other ideas will occupy my time. There is just something melancholy about finishing another chapter in life. It's as if you are mourning your former self and questioning what you will become.

I just wonder who I'll be next.

Practice makes perfect!

lily@insearchoflily.com (Lily Somilleda) — Sat, 03 Jul 2010 03:48:00 +0000

I've been recipe testing and practicing my tortilla making skills lately and wanted to share a video I came across while doing some tortilla research. The narration is in Spanish, but the images speak for themselves. This woman clearly has the talent of a master tortilla maker.

The Royal Family Order

lily@insearchoflily.com (Lily Somilleda) — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 06:05:00 +0000

We've been watching a lot of TV on-demand lately, since every network seems to be on hiatus. One of our favorites has been The Tudors on Showtime. I've always been a bit of an anglophile, but now after watching multiple episodes it's sort of put my anglophilia into overdrive.

And with that I've decided to give Umo a status upgrade.

:::::kneel:::::

I dub thee Sir Umo Thelonius Somilleda, 1st Duke of Bronxville.

:::::you may stand:::::

Culinary Fact:

lily@insearchoflily.com (Lily Somilleda) — Thu, 24 Jun 2010 15:25:00 +0000

You HAVE to remember to clean your knife and cutting board after chopping garlic and onions.

Normally in the kitchen you become so occupied with prep that you forget onions and garlic can carry over their flavors long after you've finished dicing and slicing. If you don't believe me, then do this.

Chop some garlic and then dice up an onion. Wait about 5-10 minutes, and then cut into a fresh apple or juicy watermelon.

Does anything taste "funny" to you?

on the brain

lily@insearchoflily.com (Lily Somilleda) — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 19:06:00 +0000

oh world... why can't you be nice to me just this one time and make life a little easier? Was I really that bad as a child to deserve this?

the search for the meaning of life continues...

I'm kind of a big deal....

lily@insearchoflily.com (Lily Somilleda) — Mon, 21 Jun 2010 18:51:00 +0000

How awesome is this!!.... so a long time ago, in a galaxy far away, I used to be pretty important. I just did a Google name search at random and came to realize my name somehow made its way to Billboard Magazine. Yes! THE Billboard Magazine. They even spelled my name right!!!

How rad is that? Too bad I don't work for that old company anymore... I could have been HUGE!

(click on the image and you'll see my name in red under the third paragraph on the left)

on the brain

lily@insearchoflily.com (Lily Somilleda) — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 15:01:00 +0000

Now what?

Will you hold my hair while I puke for a minute?

lily@insearchoflily.com (Lily Somilleda) — Tue, 25 May 2010 03:20:00 +0000

I really hate doing this but there are moments in life when you just have to spew your guts and get the sickness that is rolling around in the pit of your stomach out. This could have an impact on my life (if someone at work reads this), but even if it did… at this point I’m not sure how invested I am in salvaging what is left.

You might have noticed that it’s been a while since I’ve posted any sort of update. There was a point a few months back, when I could manage my work load and school load well enough that I still had a pretty good sense of balance. Life was harmonious and the future looked extremely bright. Somewhere between then and now that all changed. My heart was happily content and for some reason that didn’t seem good enough to me. Why I insist on making my life more difficult every time I find happiness is beyond me? Really? Can someone just explain why I always get the urge to sabotage my future every single time things are going right.

Is it ambition? Is it to avoid complacency? Is it because maybe I really do have undiagnosed ADD, and my therapist still has yet to notice? I really should go see him at some point soon, because honestly I HAVE HAD ENOUGH.

I am waist deep in stress and too close to the edge. To give you a better sense of what has happened lately let me give you a recap.

On the previous episode of InSearchofLily’s sanity… Lily decided to quit her perfectly fine job as a digital media account executive because SHE DIDN’T HAVE ENOUGH TO DO! Wait…. not that she didn’t have ENOUGH….. she is just TOO much of an over achiever and felt that the pace at work needed to be more strenuous, so she could have something to come home and complain about.

Well God must have been listening in to the conversations I was having with myself because guess what….. I HAVE TOO MUCH ON MY PLATE! Can you please send it back to the kitchen and tell the Chef the double dose of stress was unnecessary and is causing me severe abdominal pain?

I am about six weeks into a brand new job that I only took for the money. Yes… I whored myself out for cash. That is the damn truth. I kept thinking that if I could stick it out and “work hard”, I would get ahead in life and have enough money to “never have to worry”. Funny how in retrospect now all I do is worry.

Ye be not so stupid as to quit a good job to work for something as materialistic as an increase in salary. What’s even more ironic now is the fact that all I can dream about doing is working in a kitchen for minimum wage as a happy chef, so I can create culinary delights and put a smile of people’s faces.

Where did I go wrong? How did I get caught up in wanting a life devoid of happiness, but full of financial prosperity? Will there ever be a happy balance again?

on the brain

lily@insearchoflily.com (Lily Somilleda) — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 04:10:00 +0000

Am I a bad person for being just a little ity-bit more excited about Hawaii in six months?

Working on my fitness...

lily@insearchoflily.com (Lily Somilleda) — Mon, 05 Apr 2010 22:42:00 +0000

In my quest to impress the pants off my fiancé, I have decided to take on the ultimate challenge. The journey to six-pack abs!

Well okay not just six-pack, but more so the ultimate mission to a better body. I know… I know… I can already hear you saying it… “but Lily you’re already skinny.” Yes this is true. I am skinny, BUT it doesn’t mean I like the way I look.

See there is a difference between being skinny and being confident. I’ve just never been comfortable in my body. There are moments when I don’t mind the way I look, but more often than not I find myself hiding behind a sweater that covers problem areas (like the tire around my stomach) or pants that keep me from having to show my legs. I’ve even thought once of maybe getting calf implants, so I could feel okay wearing shorts. Dumb… I know.

As a way to motivate myself to really succeed at this; tomorrow I am starting with the Isagenix 9-Day Cleanse, and I'm going to document each step along the way with actual measurements and maybe even a photo or two. Consider this a promise to you and to myself, to really focus and make it happen. I might get discouraged along the way (or probably screw up by bindge eating), but hopefully in the end I will feel better for having made the effort. Besides it's only a 9-Day program... How bad can it really be?

So for the record books, as of today my stats are as follows:

Height: 5'8"
Weight: 136 lbs
BMI: 20.7
Body Fat: 29.3%
Skeletal Muscle: 29.2%
Visceral Fat: 3%
Body Age: 21
Actual Age: 32
Resting Metabolic Rate: 1369 RMkcal
Waist: 28.5"
Abdomen: 35"
Arms: 10"
Hips: 37"
Thigh: 19.5"

One thing you may not know is that I’ve already made a few attempts at obtaining the ever elusive six-pack abs and better body. Obviously, I never got there. Here's an old chart of my previous progress. It's pretty apparent that 1.) I'm a dork for making a spreadsheet and 2.) I am completely starting over.

So now on to bigger and better things, like polishing off the rest of that box of Girl Scout cookies.

Please remind me in two weeks why I am doing this.

Let's Play Ball!

lily@insearchoflily.com (Lily Somilleda) — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 13:00:00 +0000

With the coming of spring each year I look forward to renewed spirits, blossoming flowers, and baseball. You probably wouldn't think of me as your typical die-hard fan, but I have a long enduring love for the game ever since the days when I'd sit in the bleachers at Gene Robertson park just a couple of blocks away from the house where I grew up in East Salinas.

My brother played Little League during elementary school, and each spring we would sit in the stands under the warm weekend sun just to cheer on his team. I can't recall if his team was any good or not, but those were some of the best memories of my life. We'd spend hours at the park watching game after game, eating sunflower seeds, hotdogs, popcorn, peanuts, sticky candy, and the prerequisite massive gum pack of either Hubba Bubba or Big League Chew.

Our family love of the sport was anchored by the Mexican national hero of baseball - Fernando "El Toro" Valenzuela. Although, I'm not a Los Angeles Dodger fan (which is like a Cardinal Sin if you're Mexican) I still remember the days when my dad would take great pride in saying a Mexican national helped to bring a World Series title to the Dodgers in 1981 (against the New York Yankee's none the less). Since Valenzuela's debut on September 15, 1980 he insisted on us being a Dodger household even though we lived in northern California.

Now nearly 30 years later, I can still see how the Fernandomania of the 1980's has left it's mark on much of the Mexican baseball community. Believe me you don't know how much crap I get from my friends for not being a Dodger fan... LETS GO METS! Hopefully somewhere in our sleepy little town lies the next rising Mexican athlete. I really miss the days of sitting in those rickety old bleachers and only hope the next generation will enjoy that ball park as much as I did.

TMI

lily@insearchoflily.com (Lily Somilleda) — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 14:00:00 +0000

If I could ever offer one piece of advice, it would be this.... when upon meeting a total stranger, try to keep your bowel movements to yourself.

Last weekend I was about twenty minutes into a conversation with someone who I had just met for the very first time, and somehow we got onto the subject about what I currently do for a living. For my family and probably some of my friends that would be an impossibly difficult question to answer. Many people mostly know me from my days when I used to be on the radio. Yes I was on the radio. Like talking on the air and everything... That's my standard response for when someone goes "You were on the radio? Really? Like on the air?"

Anyhow in my current form of collecting a paycheck, I pimp out websites by selling the blank spaces for advertising. You may better know this as those annoying things at the top of your favorite website that usually have stuff like smiley face icons that yell out at you and say "helllllooooooooo!"

Now do you know what I'm talking about?

Well I sell those. I mean not exactly that one in particular, but for the most part I sell banners that live on websites that demand your attention in utter hopes that you will actually click on it, so I can collect me a paycheck and some commission. And if you do see one, by all means... PLEASE CLICK ON IT! It makes my job way easier and I get more money at the end of the month. Understood?

As I was saying, I was mid conversation when the subject of web design came up. Now if you've been reading this long enough, you know that in fact I have some very minimal design skills. I'm not like good from a real web design stand point, but I'm certainly better than some of the shit you see like on Yahoo Geocities. I know... way over your head. Just as I was elaborating on the little that I do know, I inadvertently mentioned that I only know HTML and stuff because I blog. Well BIG mistake right there! You see the only reason I really do this blog half the time is because I use it as an outlet to get stuff off my mind and on occasion to share with you something that might be funny, interesting, or meaningful. I am in the least way possible a "good blogger". If I was any good there would actually be traffic to my site.

Now at this point there's no real way to gracefully back peddle out of a conversation about your personal blog, because it's like telling someone you have a tattoo... which I do... and the first question that always comes up is "Really? Where? Let me see it? Did it hurt?" Actually that's more like four questions, but they come shooting out at you so fast that it feels like you're being interrogated. Obviously the smartest way to have handled the situation would have been to say; oh it's not really up to date or anything and then moved on to the next topic. BUT I'm not a very good liar, so I kind of tip-toed around the subject and then blurted something stupid like it's more personal than any two people meeting for the first time should really talk about.

Really Lily?... you had to say more personal? Open invitation to be nosey right there! Dumb ass.

I figured at this point why make this a slow and painful death, so I just volunteered the name of my site and said something like if you'd like to check it out for yourself feel free, in hopes that would make the problem go away. Well nope. Did not happen. You see sometimes you can't always rip the bandaid off really quick, cause you then realize that you also ripped off the scab and made the problem worse.

And that is exactly what I did. Made it just a little more embarrassing for myself - because NOW not only did I reveal my website name, but I also set up the next round of ammunition. The conversation ended up going something like this.

Oh really? So like if I Google you, will you show up?

Me: Yes.

Really?

Me: Yes... sadly, but I'm not that important and it's mostly my Twitter stuff.

You Twitter too?!!??

Me: Oh boy... uhhh yeah.... well.... don't most people in the tech industry do that these days? I mean I only do it because I have to keep up with the latest trends in the digital space.

So what did you last tweet about?

Me: My blog.

But I thought you keep that personal?

Me: Well yeah... but it was just a curiosity and I wanted to poll the audience.

So what was it?

Me: {insert very long pause}

{still pausing... and it's not for effect}

Me: {in utter embarresment} ummm... do I really have to say?

Yes... you can't just not tell me.

Me: ugghhhhh.... well.... you know like when you drink coffee and stuff. ummm... well...... I just happened to make the observation that Starbucks tends to make you have to go.

Go? What do you mean?

Me: You know.... you have "go". {as my face turns the color of a bright red tomato}

OHHHH!! Like the bathroom!

Me: Uh.. yeah.

Well doesn't everybody?

Me: Oh.. so it happens to you too?

Wait what do you mean?

Me: {insert sound of crickets} mmm... nevermind... next subject.

Do you mean like number 2? Like you have to poop?

[now picture the face of someone in total disgust staring at you like you're an alien]

And at that point... I just about died.

The End.

really getting old...

lily@insearchoflily.com (Lily Somilleda) — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 20:50:00 +0000

I find it a bit ironic that Microsoft Office categorizes anything on your hard drive from over two years ago as "a long time ago".... http://tinyurl.com/yevmapk

Especially considering the last operating system that actually worked was Windows XP.

Can you believe it?

lily@insearchoflily.com (Lily Somilleda) — Tue, 23 Mar 2010 18:46:00 +0000

I finally have a blog layout I am actually happy with. I feel like I just got my kindergarten diploma in HTML.

Well actually I didn't write any of the template code, I stole it off the internet and massaged it a little more to my liking. Hopefully you'll enjoy the end result. My blog doesn't look as girly as it used to... THANKFULLY! There is nothing worse than looking like a total wuss on the internet. Trust me I know!

on the brain

lily@insearchoflily.com (Lily Somilleda) — Fri, 19 Mar 2010 14:07:00 +0000

Why does Starbucks coffee always make you want to poop?

on the brain

lily@insearchoflily.com (Lily Somilleda) — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 03:59:00 +0000

another genius thought from the makers of Awesome!....

How cool would it be if you could use Skype for your work out program? Just picture it... you wake up every morning and your trainer can guide you through your fitness routine from the comfort of your own home. It's Skypercise!