I Heart Jews

Bad Shabbas

2009-07-17T17:00:00.000-07:00

I Heart Jews will be taking a bit of a break! Thanks so much for the support, everybody. We heart you!

'Till we return, please enjoy this schmaltzy parody of a schmaltzy song.

19 Links That Made Us Plotz Today

2009-06-24T09:00:00.000-07:00

5 New Reality Show Ideas For Jon and Kate Plus 8 (Big Stupid Idiot)

Video Proves Animals Will Not Stop Humping, They Just Won't (Hey Look, Animals)

That's What She Said Detention (Next Round)

House Sitting: Don't Open That Bag, Man! (Atom)

Roll Out: 5 Funny Transformers Stop-Motion Videos (Geek Pad Show)

Zombieland Trailer (Linkdork)

Teenager Freaks Out Over World Of Warcraft (Level One Boss)

Mastering the art of the "Leighton Meester" (College Candy)

Spoiler Alert! "Spoiler Alert" Vid Will Make You Never Talk About "Lost" Again (TV Munchies)

Bibleman Activate Boots of the Gospel (Dave and Thomas)

What Happens When You Offer Free Beats to Anyone? Funny, Funny Stuff! (Funk Jelly)

Strip club sues 14 year-old kidnapped stripper (Blog of Hilarity)

Get A Good Night's Sleep By Sticking This Between Your Boobs (Whip It Out)

Asylum Pwns Motocross... Sorta (Asylum)

The 10 most entertaining NBA players of all-time (Epic Carnival)

A New Show For Women---The Sentimentalist (The Single Thing)

This is how I nerd (Philly Burbs)

Laptop Hunters: Porn Edition (YepYep)

Transformers: Pictures of Megan Fox Bending over Machinery (Trailer Trasher)

Top 10 Jews In Space!

2009-06-19T17:00:00.000-07:00

We've already found our Top 10 Jewish Super Heros, and nerded it up with Jewish video games and even Jewish inventions. But we just couldn't stop ourselves. There is a final Jewish nerdy category where we feel compelled to boldly go. There are so many that we love so dearly, but we've narrowed it down to the

TOP 10 JEWS IN SPACE !

10. Andy Samberg singing about the Space Olympics
Our Jewish comedy goofball dreamboat sings quite possibly the most ridiculous space song ever, all about the terrible organization of the Space Olympics.

9. The Beastie Boys go Intergalactic
So we're not sure if Adrock, Mike D, and MCA ever actually leave earth in this video, but we like to imagine they travel back into space with the giant robot at the end. Regardless of the video, we know that the boys know all about the final frontier, 'cause they say, "Your knees'll start shaking and your fingers pop/ Like a pinch on the neck of Mr. Spock!"

8. Dr. Zoidberg from Futurama
Futurama's company Doctor has a lot going on. He's clearly Jewish, but he's also a crustacean, making him treif (not kosher). With an inner conflict like that, it is no surprise that he is completely insane. Since he is Jewish, treif and insane, it is no surprise that we adore him.

7. Sarah Silverman awesomely half-asses it in Most Extraordinary Space Investigations
Channel 101 is known for creating comedy television with zero time, zero budget and zero interference from "the man". In the series Most Extraordinary Space Investigations, they added zero effort and zero sobriety to the mix. Using nothing (and we mean NOTHING) but their storytelling skills, Sarah Silverman and the MESI crew string together some tin-foil space comedy for the ages.

6. Martain Landau in Space 1999
If Thunderbirds, and Kubrick's 2001: A Space Odyssey had a baby, it would be Space 1999. Landau was an awesome Jew in space from 1975–1977 as Commander John Koenig, leader of Moonbase Alpha.

5. Richard Dreyfuss in Close Encounters of the Third Kind
Dreyfuss is at his best in Steven Spielberg's classic. He's both hilarious and heartbreaking. And though he spends most of the movie simply obsessing about UFOs, but by the end of the movie (SPOILER ALERT!) he's totally a Jew in space.

4. Dr. Hans Zarkov from Flash Gordon
Our minds completely melted when we realized that (at :41) Chaim Topol, the same Topol who played Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof was one and the same as Dr. Hans Zarkov in the cheesiest movie ever, Flash Gordon. Amazing!

3. Spock
Need we say more?

2. Jeff Hoffman Took the Torah into space!
"Wherever Jews have wandered, they have taken the Torah with them," said Hoffman, a Jewish astronaut who carried the holy scrolls during the space shuttle Columbia's voyage in Feb., 1996. "Astronauts are human beings and when we travel, we take with us our culture and heritage," he said. "It is important to me to take my Jewish heritage with me as well." On other space-shuttle missions Hoffman carried , a pendant inscribed with the Jewish prayer for a safe journey, a mezuzah, Torah pointers and, of course, a dreidel.

1. The cast of "Jews in Space"
The inspiration for this whole darn list comes from the tail end of Mel Brooks' History of the World Part I. They're Jews. They're Jews In Space.

Classic Kosher Comedy Corner: 2000 Year Old Man

2009-06-19T16:00:00.000-07:00

Mel Brooks & Carl Reiner. Two great tastes that go great together. And never were they more deliciously funny than in the classic sketch series, "The 2000 Year Old Man." Truly a masterpiece of Classic Kosher Comedy.

After some inspired riffing at a party, Brooks and Reiner took their antics to TV. Brooks had just had surgery on his foot and said as an aside, "I feel like a 2000 year old man." Reiner jumped right on the joke train, interviewing Brooks about his experience as the oldest man in the world, and they rode it all the way through five albums, an animated special and comedy history.

16 Links That'll Make You Plotz Today

2009-06-19T15:39:00.000-07:00

The 10 Best Gifts From Daughters On Father's Day (The Single Thing)

"It Might Get Loud" Movie Trailer Featuring Jack White, Jimmy Page, The Edge (Foundry Music)

Adventures In Awesomely Bad Golf Pants (Next Round)

Finally A Definitive Nerd Test (Tasty Booze)

Screw The 'Transformers,' Get Ready For Action Movies About Carebears And My Little Pony (Trailer Trasher)

Caucasian Soup - Cease Brothers and a Black Guy (Atom)

The Top 20 Women Who Rocked Our Asses (Funk Jelly)

How to Stay Faithful In Las Vegas (Ask Men)

Fly-Killers More Badass Than Barack Obama (Asylum)

10 Divorce Stories Too Strange to Make Up (Cracked)

Apparently Women Are Born This Way (The Bachelor Guy)

New dress code involves, get this, underwear (9 to Fried)

100 Pics of Bizarre Brides And Weird Weddings (DJ Mick)

Chris Tucker, Martin Lawrence, and Bernie Mac at Def Comedy Jam (Ice Ice Babies)

The 10 Dumbest Moments In Wheel Of Fortune History (Manofest)

Man Arrested Mid-Haircut, But We Like What We See (Big Stupid Idiot)

Are You America's Next Top Nice Jewish Guy?

2009-06-19T11:30:00.000-07:00

Sure, Jake Gyllenhaal and Jeremy Piven are hot hebrew school graduates, but let's be real, ladies. We want a nice attainable Jewish guy. At least one. Even better would be one a month! That's where the NICE JEWISH GUYS CALENDAR come in.

Each moth they serve up a hot kosher dish like Mr. January- Ira, 29, who loves numbers and dunkin' donuts. Or Mr. May- Daniel, 30, who loves Shark Week on the Discovery channel. All the Jewish holidays are marked, and each and evey photo would be fine to take home to mother (unlike some other awesomely sexy Jewish calendars we can think of).

Are you a nice Jewish guy? They're looking for they're 2010 men! All you need to do is send a photo of your jewdorable self and send it in to editor Adam Cohen (shadabing2000@yahoo.com) for your chance to be adored!

You could be the mensch of the year!

Listen All Of Y'all This Is SHABBATage!

2009-06-19T11:00:00.000-07:00

Shabbat Shalom, everybody!Here's a little something to make you laugh before sundown.

We see a lot of music video parodies trying to put together this blog. When we say a lot, we mean oodles. An abundance. A Boatload. A billion. Seriously, there are a so many out there. We try to save you from the terrible ones, and only bring you the best (or the ones that are so awkward that they are awesome).

It is a delight to find the good ones, and we're over the moon when we find something totally terrific. Today is one of those days.

The crazy kids of Lazy Shabbos Productions started by doing a Lazy Sunday spoof, (we know, a parody song of a comedy song- barf) but their production values and senses of humor have evolved in the past three years, and they are kicking some serious comedy butt with their latest video. Plus, they look like they are having a whole lot of fun.

Please watch and laugh at their full-force homage to the fabulous Beastie Boys. We do. A lot!

I guess this Shabbat isn't going to have a whole lot of Shalom, because, listen all of y'all this Is SHABBATage!

Lyrics:
I can't stand it, all week I planned it
Nothin' on my plate, to satiate
I just can't daven when I'm hungry
If there ain't no food then there ain't no prayer
So don't you sit there and laugh at me
I'm gonna rage like a Maccabee
Get ready for a Hebrew barrage
I'm telling y'all its SHABBATAGE

So, So, So, get out my way when I'm wielding the Torah
On your grave I'll be dancing the hora

Oy vey, you know life's a bitch
I'll throw you out, throw back the Manischewitz

I'll pump your guts chock full of cement, when
I knock you out with a bowl full of cholent
You're gonna need a gastric lavage
Listen up it's Shabbatage

OYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

(It's 5 minutes 'til candle lighting)

Listen All Of Y'all This Is Shabbatage
These three Jews are my entourage
Gonna chew you up like a macrophage
Listen All Of Y'all This Is Shabbatage

I can't eat it, that kind of meat
It doesn't chew its cud, it wallows in the mud
Forget the ham, well spam you with junk mail
Choke on a manny and gefilte fish cocktail

Put your Beemer in the garage
Meet my homeboys Chuck and Siraz
No happy ending for your massage
Gotta blame the Shabbatage!

Get Ready For Summer Camp With A Little Paul Rudd

2009-06-19T00:05:00.000-07:00

We heart Jews, and summer is here, so you know what that means... SUMMER CAMP!

To get us in the mood for those fun-filled, mosquito bite-covered, care-package obsessed, make-out conducive days of summer camp, we're starting you off with one of our favorite clips from the greatest ode to Summer camp (and summer camp films), Wet Hot American Summer. Not only is it brilliantly funny, totally naughty and has a great cast ( Janeane Garofalo, David Hyde Pierce, Michael Showalter, Molly Shannon, Paul Rudd, Elizabeth Banks, Michael Ian Black, Amy Poehler, and many members of The State) but it is totally Jewtastic. Not only was it written by two of The State's three Jews, David Wain and Michael Showalter, but it is full of refrences to Jewish summer camps. If you haven't seen it, and you've been to a Jewish Summer camp, Netflix it now!

Here's a bit from one of our favorite scenes, starring the Jewdorable Paul Rudd as a surly pain in the tuchas counselor and Janeane Garofalo Garafolo as his put-upon camp director.

Google Chrome Yarmulke? Not Three Random Words, An Actual Video

2009-06-18T16:00:00.000-07:00

Google is hyping their new browser, Google Chrome, all over the place. Now, we're not exactly tech savvy supernerds, and we're not totally sure what this is all about, but we do know that they really want us to get excited about it!

They're even having a contest to see who can do the best advertising for them, challenging us regular folk to come up with new ways to use their logo.

"Imagine a bird's eye view of a parking lot with carefully arranged cars, coordinated outfits in a stadium's bleachers, a 10,000 M&M mural, etc. We are excited to see what you come up with and we'll showcase the best submissions!"

Which brings us to Chaviva, from kvetchingeditor who has created a Google Chrome yarmulke. It 'aint exactly stadium bleachers or 10,000 M&Ms, but we think it's cute nonetheless.

Stupid Inventions: Battery Powered Dreidel

2009-06-18T14:00:00.000-07:00

We really need to kick it up in the dreidel department. Sure we've seen dreidels tap dance, and be used as a sexual euphemism on Millionaire Matchmaker but still wouldn't they be better if they spun automatically?

Probably not. That's why the battery-operated dreidel is featured on a web show called Stupid Inventions. This video is equally funny and sad. Something about the quietness of the video makes us want to give the host a hug. Something about the ending makes us think he's a jokster and will be just fine.

New iPhone Software Out- Seinfeld Doesn't Care

2009-06-18T13:00:00.000-07:00

The much-anticipated Apple iPhone OS 3.0 update was finally released yesterday. Nerds, technophiles, and annoying people in restaurants rejoiced.

Even some of us Jewish comedy nerds were excited. I mean what could be better than accessing our Seinfeld quote app with better software?

Well, even if we are excited, we know one person who isn't. Our Beloved Jerry. He's not into fancy phones. He told Conan about it and was hilarious, as always.

Borscht Belt Horror

2009-06-18T12:00:00.000-07:00

Leave it to Heeb Magazine to bring us a video that's irreverent, brilliant and extremely well put together. Just like their magazine. We love our Catskills, and we love our parodies and now we have a beautiful blend in this trailer.

Crazy Letterman Protester Is Mad Enough To Curse In Yiddish

2009-06-18T10:00:00.000-07:00

Oy Vey. These crazy people with their protesting and their yelling. They are nuts about this David Letterman vs. Sarah Palin thing. So totally nuts.

But things start getting really crazy at :46 when one lady calls Letterman a "schmuck".

Dear Miss Meshugene Yellowblazer,
Please stop ranting on camera. Please don't make our people look bad by being completely insane and then cursing in Yiddish. Also, the language is called "Yiddish", not "Jewish".
Sincerely,
I Heart Jews

21 Links That'll Make You Plotz Today

2009-06-18T09:49:00.000-07:00

The 20 Funniest Church Signs We've Ever Seen (The Single Thing)

Lost in Translation: The 12 Funniest Japanese Album Covers of the Week (Funk Jelly)

Coffee Sports Drink (Atom)

Where The Hip Hop Heads Really At? (YepYep)

6 Ridiculous Sex Myths That Are Actually True (Cracked)

10 Funniest Movie Taglines (Trailer Trasher)

Chewbacca: He’s Just Like Us! (Next Round)

Lucid Dream Dos and Don’ts: Racist Dreams (Atom)

Reebok Pump Omni Lite 'Gremlins' Pack (Street Level)

10 Funniest Little Old Lady Videos (Big Stupid Idiot)

Hot Girls Crushing Cars (Urlesque)

How to deal with a creepy coworker (Blog of Hilarity)

Obama Has Some Insane Fly-Killing Skills (Veto Corleone)

Put Some Butter on It' With Brian's Extreme Dance Time (Lemondrop)

Father's Day Gift Guide: Sports Edition (The Bachelor Guy)

We Want Women, Not Little Girls (AskMen)

If Ted Haggard Had A Nintendo Wii Game (Banned in Hollywood)

The 50 Funniest Statue Sex Photos Of All Time (Manofest)

Drunkeness Affects Your Ability To Get Laid (Tasty Booze)

100 Pictures of Bizarre Brides And Weird Weddings (DJ Mick)

10 Funniest Pictures Of The Lakers Championship Riots (Jock and Balls)

Stews For The Jews: Top 5 Cholent Videos

2009-06-17T15:55:00.000-07:00

When it comes to Jewish food, we're big fans. From matzah to deli delights, we're totally on board. But recently we've been exploring a new kind of kosher food: cholent.

Honestly, we hadn't really heard of cholent growing up, but apparently, it's as common as bagels in some Jewish communities. Hey, Wikepidia, what's the scoop on the Jew stew?

Well, now that we know more about it, we see it EVERYWHERE! Since we've got cholent on the brains (or for brains, depending on who you ask), we'll give you our

TOP 5 CHOLENT VIDEOS!

Cholent (Yiddish: טשאָלנט, tsholnt or tshoolnt) or hamin (Hebrew: חמין‎; also chamin) is a traditional Jewish stew simmered overnight, for 12 hours or more, and eaten for lunch on the Sabbath. Cholent was developed over the centuries to conform with Jewish religious laws that prohibit cooking on the Sabbath. The pot is brought to boil on Friday before candlelighting, and kept on a blech or hotplate, or placed in a slow oven or electric slow cooker until the following day.

5. Kids Choir Cholent Song
We love the use of "cholent" as do-wop back up vocals. Plus they are adorable!Videos a tad long, but the cholent part is right at the very beginning!

4. Jake's Cholent Promo
This guy is trying to be funny, but also is accidentally funny. Best combo possible.

3. High School Musical Cholent
HSM meets cholent. Need we say more?

2. Because I Got Cholent
To the tune of "Because I Got High". Some of those pictures of cholent would require us getting high to look appetizing.

1. Yakov Makes Cholent
Totally adorable kid makes totally gross-looking cholent. With a giant, scary knife.

Larry David Begrudgingly Interviewed By Conan

2009-06-17T13:00:00.000-07:00

We love Larry David. We loved him before, and we love him even more after last night's appearance on Conan! He was on to begrudgingly promote his new Woody Allen film, Whatever Works, which opens this weekend. It started as a visit to plug the movie, but we got so much more. Cranky and hilarious as always, both Larry and Conan were in top form.

Our favorite moment may have been (2:42) when Larry channeled some classic Catskills style. He reminded us for the brilliant Henny Youngman when quipped,

"I started to eat very healthy foods, and she just hated that... I suspect she wanted me to die."

Bruno Bares It All!

2009-06-17T11:00:00.000-07:00

Ok! We know we're going crazy with the Jewdity, these days, but we can't help it! It's everywhere! Last week we had Israeli super-babe Bar Rafaeli on the cover of Esquire wearing nothing but Stephen King's words. Yesterday we posted Jeremy Piven all shirtless and sweaty. Today we've got another treat for you. Sascha Baron Cohen wearing nothing but a goofy look.

Our favorite Jewish chameleon/comedian/rabble-rouser graces the cover of GQ this month without a stitch of clothing, but still manages to be in character as Bruno, who's tuchus we all saw on the MTV Movie Awards, and who's the over-the-top fashion reporter from Austria, whose movie premiers July 10th.

According to the GQ, Bruno is the first subject to appear fully naked on the cover. Jennifer Aniston, wearing only a necktie in January, came very, very close.

Honestly, we find this far less freaky than his Marie Claire UK photo shoot in the golden thong. Yipes!

Save A Seat Next To The Rabbi

2009-06-17T09:24:00.000-07:00

Everybody wants to sit next to the Rabbi. I mean who wouldn't want to? But the guy in this short clip will stop at nothing to save his seat. Ok, well, maybe not "stop at nothing", but he is pretty determined.

They are all trying to look wise and calm, but look carefully, and you can see these Jewish elders are totally annoyed at the dude who just plops his hat down next to the head Rabbi to claim his spot. Just like girlfriends at a bar, it just takes one look between friends to tell each other, "Did you see what that guy just did? What a schmuck!"

Maybe some synagogue newsletter bloopers would cheer them up. Maybe not. That guy had some chutzpah!

Seinfeld vs. Schwimmer: Vote Now!

2009-06-16T15:55:00.000-07:00

It's neck and neck, people! Jerry Seinfeld vs. David Schwimmer. They're two Jewish sticom icons to be sure, but more importantly, who would win in a fight?

This is the question posed by HailMaryJane.Com, a blog that, as far as we can tell, mostly transcribes the kind of thoughts and conversations that we had in our hazy, crazy dorm rooms surrounded by good friends, cheetos- oh yeah, and pot. So check out these videos, and then go vote! You can't complain about the results if you don't vote.

vs.

Jeremy Piven Gives Bar Refaeli a Run For Her Money

2009-06-16T15:00:00.000-07:00

The web is still buzzing over the July issue of Esquire featuring a nude Bar Refaeli covered in text from a Stephen King novel , but the story's not over! Lemondrop.com has raised the Bar (pun intended) with "Naked Novels- Dudes We'd Like To Write On"

Writing chick lit on hot guys' naked bodies is ridiculous- and we hope it becomes a huge trend. Lemondrop features quite a few - Are You There God, It's Me, Margret on David Beckham , Twilight on Daniel Radcliffe and Pride and Prejudice on Ashton Kutcher.

Of course, our favorite is a masterpiece of literary Jewdity: Jeremy Piven sporting Bridget Jones' Diary. Oh, to be that glass of Manischewitz in his sweaty hand.

Sexy Bubbe: Unsettling, Uncomfortable Or Funny?

2009-06-16T12:00:00.000-07:00

She's a pole dancer. She dresses like a stereotypical Jewish grandmother. Art? Comedy? Hipster statement? Offensive? Stupid? Hot? WE CAN'T MAKE UP OUR MINDS!!!

This week, our Beloved Heeb magazine interviewed Cara Oshiver, the 30-year-old North Carolina pole artist behind Sexy Bubbe, and revealed that she is mostly insane, but also pretty savvy.

Oh, yeah, we forgot to mention. She shoots Matzah Balls out of her "hamantash". If you catch our drift.

Ring Pop Goes Kosher

2009-06-16T09:30:00.000-07:00

Kosher kids rejoice ! Now everyone can enjoy the awkwardness of sucking candy off of your finger! Rabbis of the Orthodox Union have officially certified ring pops as kosher. Production of the new and approved Ring Pop, with brand new packaging bearing the OU symbol, begins this month with the candy shipping to retailers nationwide in August.

Ari Weinstock, Director of Marketing at Bazooka Candy Brands, said,

“Working with the Orthodox Union, the top organization for kosher certification in the world, we can now bring Ring Pop to an entirely new, and discerning, consumer base that has never before been able to enjoy our products.”

Really? If they are such a "discerning consumer base," do you think their first choice would be slobbering on their hand?

Samberg And Leno: Seperated At Birth?

2009-06-16T08:00:00.000-07:00

We never noticed it before. Not in all the many, many, many pictures and videos of Andy Samberg we have looked at and watched. We never noticed that he shared anything in common with Jay Leno. Until now. Now we can't stop noticing it!

In this clip, Andy lets Jay see their similarities. Goofiness and ribbing ensue.

Now if only Jay would put out a rap album...

21 Links That'll Make You Plotz Today

2009-06-15T17:41:00.000-07:00

The Bloody Violence In 'Saw' Goes Perfect With Mentos (Trailer Trasher)

Funny Kid Gets Brain Rush On A Roller Coaster (LinkDork)

Make Surfing SFW With The USB Panic Button (DJ Mick)

"Demi Moore Bush Pic": America Googles, Then Waxes (TV Munchies)

Cowboy Monkey Riding A Dog (YepYep)

13 Best Performances From HBO's Comic Relief (The Laugh Track)

Stacy, Star Wars Pilot - Codename: Pink Five (Atom)

Top 10 Geek Pick-Up Lines on Twitter Explained (Asylum)

The "Father Lovers" Song Is Just Like "Mother Lovers," Only Way Creepier (Whip It Out)

One crazy day in the fields of Azeroth playing WoW (AfroJacks)

The 8 People You’ll Meet In Your Hometown Bar This Summer (Coed Magazine)

Philippine Air Force Pounds MILF Lair With Rockets (Veto Corleone)

Top Porn 'Staches in Pro Sports (The Bachelor Guy)

Old School WWF Music Video (Jock and Balls)

It's A Bird! It's A Plane! It's... (Cracked)

Carol Maggio Teaches Celebs How To Make Good Face (Hollywood Fail)

The government talks to you through your computer fan. Shhh... listen to it now. (I Heart Chaos)

10 Worst LOL Sites (Big Stupid Idiot)

The 10 Greatest Movie Badasses Of All Time (Manofest)

Sweater Club Trailer (Atom)

Mmm ... Tetris Waffles (Level One Boss)

Forget Google. Forget Jewgle. Try Koogle.

2009-06-15T15:00:00.000-07:00

We've covered kosher food, kosher drinks, and even kosher phone cards. Now we bring you the kosher search engine.

Wait, didn't we already post about Jewgle? Yep. But there's another one! And this time, they're super serious about it.

Koogle, named after the delicious kosher noodle treat, allows Orthodox Jews to surf the web, while avoiding sexually explicit material that devout Jews are barred from viewing.

Yossi Altman, Koogle's site manager, says "Nothing can be posted on the Jewish Sabbath, when religious law bans all types of work and business. If you try to buy something on the Sabbath, it gets stuck and won't let you."

Koogle's links to Israeli news and shopping sites also filter out items most ultra-Orthodox Israelis are forbidden by rabbis to have in their homes, such a television sets.

"The site omits religiously objectionable material, such as most photographs of women which Orthodox rabbis view as immodest," Altman said.

Most photographs of women? Oy Vey.