My Attic

A Plan-oholic.

iFarah — Sun, 29 Aug 2010 18:09:20 +0000

During the last two years I discovered that I’m a plan freak or a plan-oholic. I almost always plan ahead anything I’ll do. I could plan a whole month ahead of time and if my plan doesn’t go like I wanted it to I’d re-plan again and again and again. Hell I even spend more time planning than actual doing !

As a student, I had specific duties and requirements to fulfill so planning was easy. Step 1, Step 2, Step 3… and so on. But now I’m no longer a student, nor do I know exactly what am I supposed to do. I don’t like that. It’s like walking blindfolded among an unknown land.

Everyone I know keeps telling me to enjoy my free time with doing what I love and stop thinking of planning something to do! but it’s the fact that I had to squash what I loved during my busy schedule is what made them so enjoyable. Shows, reading and playing with bits & pieces of geek tools. It’s fun for a while to do it all day but then I start asking myself what next ? This unproductiveness is killing me! A friend of mine keeps telling me: “You shouldn’t be given time off coz you don’t deserve it !” I suppose I am a work-oholic too..

I supposedly made three future plans, A, B & C. Hopefully one of them would work out as planned. But still this nagging feeling that I’m heading into something dark & mysterious is very annoying and growing out of it is going to take a hell of an effort from my lovely chicken self.. So help me god.

P.S. Fate is clearly trying to be very funny with my emotional plans.. so I decided not to plan them out anymore and just go with the damn flow or maybe ignore that side of me once and for all.

Ten lessons I Learned the Hard Way.

iFarah — Fri, 06 Aug 2010 00:36:19 +0000

10. Friends come and go.. but Family doesn’t.. So try to learn how to get along with what you’ve got.

9. Not all Friends are loyal or truthful. Some befriend you for a reason, and once that reason ceases to exist they disappear as well.

8. Never take a friend for granted, no matter how close you are.

7. Whatever your tongue says you can never ever take back.

6. Trust your gut no matter how hard it may be.

5. Treat people in the best manner you know how but never expect the same from them. You’ll definitely be disappointed a lot.

4. Never assume what the other person is thinking. Because most likely you’re not on the same track.

3. Misunderstandings ALWAYS ALWAYS happen because of lack of knowledge.

2. When you feel unwanted or un-needed, walk away.

1. Love, with everything you got, every cell in your body, every action you make. Don’t keep anything back. Say it & act it with all your heart so one day you won’t ask yourself what if? or regret not saying it loud & clear because it’s too late.

P.S. This post may be edited in the future.

Where it all began is where it all shall end.

iFarah — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 23:16:02 +0000

I have been dreading writing this post for a week or so. Running away for what I really wanted to say. I tweeted a lot about how I felt and what I missed. But still there was a lot more I couldn’t say. Exactly 10 year ago I spent my summer in Riyadh. I was 14, just finished middle school. My mom had given birth to my little sister, my new only sister that I needed and wanted for so many years before she came along. But she was too late. I had just lost my childhood weight, went from being a teenager who wore clothes from the oversized women section to a lovely figured young lady. My cyber life had been so limited, yahoo chat rooms and yahoo messenger nothing quiet so addictive or important. My sony walkman with the fancy blue protective cover and the many many cassettes was my source of entertainment. Life was so simple and quiet, no worry what so ever what the future held or what tomorrow will look like.

Today, 10 years later it seems that history has repeated itself. Only with some differences. I am 24, just graduated as a dentist. And my grandfather had passed away. And Ironically throughout this year I had lost all the weight I gained & went back to what I weighed at age 14. I am a different person now. An adult. A grown up.

In 10 years a lot had happened. A lot of what I wish hadn’t happened but do not regret. 10 summers ago was a begging of an era in my life that made me fly up so high till I touched the clouds to fall so fast so hard head first on the solid ground. I had promised myself when this summer began that that era was over. I am an adult now and everything should stop. I rode the plane to Europe with a new resolution. But then two nights later the news had came, Grandpa is dead and we should fly back home. To Riyadh home.

Maybe it’s a sign of a real new beginning, starting off from point zero, where it all began is where it all shall end. And where a new chapter of my life shall be opened.

I fear the future, I fear what I want to become, and most of all I fear that this summer is not the only thing history shall repeat.