Short and sweet, here are the pressing issues (well, some of them) for your Agony Uncle this week. 
Oh, and if you like these Levi’s shorts, you can buy them here from ASOS.

Is it bad etiquette to wear shades/sunglasses inside ?

Presley, Twitter

Do you have full vision? Are you welding? No? Take them off, douchebag.

Why is it ok for a guy to show his nipples, but it’s inappropriate for a woman?

Adam, Twitter

Like all etiquette, it stems from practicality. If women walked around bare-breasted, men would never get anything done. Although, a gentleman always ensures his nipples are covered, particularly when operating heavy machinery.

Why do I only attract shorter men?

Anna, Twitter

Take the stilts off.

Don’t forget to send your questions through by clicking here or following us on Twitter and send us an @reply.

We all know it’s coming, it’s just a precarious matter of knowing—or trying to—when and where it’s going to happen. Sadly, we don’t, can’t and never will, but that doesn’t stop us from contemplating the inevitable and wondering around which corner that creepy faceless effigy, the Grim Reaper, hides his corpse-loving embodiment.

Death, by default is the end, the ultimate, no more, finito. While many of us embrace the fact we will soon meet the inevitable and shrink into an abyssal darkness in the recesses of the world’s mind, there are as many of us who would love the chance to be the one to linger in the minds of our friends, enemies, colleagues, lovers and partners after this day dawns. But how, one might ask?

Thanks to if i die (note the use of incorrect title case and that its name suggests that death is not in fact a certainty, but a possibility), we now can be. It’s a most curious digital creation that allows the most common of person to impart their dying words upon those of us who care by way of a pre-recorded video. Genius.

Once upon a time, this luxury was afforded to only the most educated of people in any given era. Take, for example, dear Willy Shakespeare, who is said, died on his birthday. Ironic, much? Now look at him, nearly 400 years ago he rid the world of his presence and still, we’re speaking of him and reading his brain twitchingly romantic prose. Clearly, they struck a form of post-death gold back then, which has now been reproduced in a modern-day, easily digestible form.

By way of utilising the magic of Facebook and its intangible webs of networks and administrative powers, the deceased can permit a message to be released posthumously by a trusted friend. It provides the user—and would-be recently departed—with the power to admit to a long-lost love their affliction of romance, tell a secret joke, pass-on a secret family recipe, stipulate a will or exact verbal revenge on an enemy.

Admittedly, these intriguing and albeit commonly shared schools of thought don’t oft swirl through the minds of the living until after the fact. Much like the unfortunate ‘Damn I should have said that’ thought that rushes through our consciousness after a conflict of any description. So, best get thinking people.

I’m going to go out on a hirsute limb here by saying that real gentlemen have body hair. Sure, it mightn’t be very metrosexual of me to state, however, sometimes I wonder when grooming will ever be darling enough. If a Brazilian wax isn’t extreme enough for you ladies, then how about doing it while hanging off a cliff with synthetic talons à la Nicola Charles in Neighbours circa 1998—that’s MAXTREME! Fellas, is a BSC snoozeville for you? Then have all of your body hair ripped off along with your masculinity while being dangled above a shark-infested swimming pool with raw meat attached to your genitals—that’s MAXTREME!

Okay, so perhaps that’s a slight exaggeration—or is it?—and personal grooming doesn’t have to be so death-defying to be risky business. Though, here are some hair-raising facts about hair that you mightn’t know:

●  Evolution hasn’t rid of us of armpit hair as it acts as a method of drawing heat away from the body and acting as our own inbuilt air conditioner. Have you ever seen a feminist sweat? No.
●  Likewise, we as mammals still have pubic hair as it acts as a natural lubricant for the act of copulation. This is something the manufacturers of KY Jelly don’t want you to know. Although, men who like men, this isn’t endorsement to give up the grease—play safely out there.
●  In Elizabethan times, it was common practice for women to pluck their hairlines up to two inches as it was considered highly alluring. Nowadays, you’d say, “Get thee to a hair replacement specialist” over “Get thee to my chambers, thou hornbag with receding hairline.”

Now, àpropos all things follicular, retaining one’s body hair isn’t a leave of absence from all forms of grooming; nosiree. He is  a well-mannered man who trims all of his hair; whether his beard, his mop, his moustache or Nature’s lubricant. Now this modern and considerate man has the right tools in his armoury.

Take, for example, the Remington Pro Power Pro Sports Pack. It comes with not one, but two methods of keeping your locks in lock-down. Included are a hair clipper and a body groomer—or a Whipper Snipper and a lawnmower, if you will—with a range of accessories and attachments in a sporty blue. Each has stainless steel blades, is cordless rechargeable (no more near misses with electrocution) and comes with its own charging stand.

The hair clipper has nine settings on its adjustable comb, and dare I say it could be used to clipper anything from top to toe. My advice is not to get creative, particularly after a night on the turps when these things seem like a good idea—they’re not. As for the body groomer, it’s shower-proof, which means you can get your shave on in the shower without fear of joining the afterlife, albeit a smooth one.

Now as someone who experimented with both and tried them without the comb attachments, once your hair is gone, it’s gone for a long time. Don’t do what I did and instead, read the instructions first. If you go overboard, don’t attempt to fix it, otherwise you’ll look like the day you were born and we know that the only people who prefer nothing anywhere are incarcerated or on the registered sex offenders list.

And a final word on body hair etiquette: Always clean up after yourself. Whoever you live with, be it your loved one, housemates or your mother, doesn’t need to find your freshly trimmed hair upon their next trip to the bathroom (or kitchen).

The theatre seems to be one of the last remaining bastions of good behaviour, although, many still seem to get it wrong. Have you had to endure Hamlet? Yes, well imagine it with someone seated beside you using their mobile phone to text all and sundry about how bored they are. It’s perhaps one of life’s little situations where the vibrate function is indispensable, if you take my meaning.

What happens if you need to check the programme to figure out when interval is so you can either hit the bar in order to numb the experience to suffer the second half or plan your timely escape. Pretty hard without seeming gauche for your disdain for a supposed classic and your deference to good manners, right? Wrong.

From designer, Svetlana Mikhailova, comes the opera light ring replete with flashlight. Embedded with a tiny LED, the push of a button allows the wearer to discreetly check their programme for  when the next appropriate break or who the hottie in the tights and codpiece is without detection. Perfect for patrons and pervs of the arts alike!

London’s Bethnal Green and I share somewhat of a checkered history. Once, my mobile phone was stolen from within the breast pocket as it hung over my chair while I no doubt held up the bar at some seedy dive bar. The same week, my iPod was stolen from the pocket of my overcoat while an ominous man with missing teeth tried to sell me drugs; not before scaring the bejesus out of me and almost rendering me in need of clean underwear.

Another time, an immigrant who’d probably never seen a grown man in a fur coat and riding boots—for the snow, I hasten to add—followed me for four blocks asking if I was a woman; in his defence, I’m rather slim-hipped. And then there was the time a friend and I met actual firemen from the local Bethnal Green fire station, they took us for a tour, we put on the gear and the helmet and slid down the fireman’s pole. That, of course, is not a euphemism. Okay, for one of us it was …

As you can see, London’s East has its quirks and gradually as the fixed-wheel bike brigade and their offspring move in, almost certain gentrification is assured. The latest: the Town Hall Hotel; a multi-million pound renovation and refurbishment of the scummy old Bethnal Green Town Hall.

An ambitious project by Rare Architects, the new development is now host to contemporary design with old world charm. Originally built in 1910 in the Edwardian style, the municipal building has been subdivided into elegant hotel rooms and apartments with parquetry flooring, marquetry cabinetry, and luxury fixtures and furniture. Many of the original details have been retained, such as the original entrance with marble columns and flooring, even the original clock.

It’s also home to Viajante Restaurant, whose chef is famed for a 20-course degustation back in his home country of Portugal. Rooms start at around £150 per night (AU$210/US$225) and it’s close to Shoreditch, Spitalfields Markets and pretty much every pub you could hope for. Just avoid  men with missing teeth and be sure to acquaint yourself with the local fire station—ask for Mike.

Town Hall Hotel & Apartments
8 Patriot Square
London, Greater London E2 9NF,
United Kingdom
+44 20 7871 0460
townhallhotel.com‎
Book here

Maybe you think Valentine’s Day is the most romantic day of the whole year…or maybe you think its just a crappy consumerism holiday where you feel obliged to buy expensive gifts. Love it or hate it there’s no denying that there are some pretty luxe stuff available this time of year, perfect for spoiling that special person in your life. And The Art of Gift Giving has collated the best of the best here in one place, for your viewing pleasure.

Valentines schmalitines? Don’t worry—for we singles, we’re sure there is something here that you wouldn’t mind getting for yourself! Who needs Hallmark to tell you that you’re loved?!

Hot & Steamy

1. Knock Knock 100 Kisses, £5
2. Tabasco Spicy Dark Chocolate, £4.99
3. Kuati Champagne & Black Lace Eye Mask, £35
4. Tom Ford Neroli Portofino Eau de Parfum, £125
5. Christian Louboutin Pigalle 120 patent leather pumps, £308.33
6. JimmyJane Contour M Ceramic Massage Stone, £22

Letters of Love

1. Typed Love Print, £35
2. Personalised Word Art Print, £65
3. “Luv Ya” Wooden Letter Sign, USD$42
4. Gold LOVE Sculpture, £65
5. ‘Life is beautiful when I’m with you’ Print, £20
6. Spineless Classics Pride & Prejudice, AUD125
7. Altered Book Art Geek Math Valentines Set, £43

Home Is Where the Heart Is

1. Je t’aime beaucoup Embroidered Cushion, USD$45
2. Cashmere & Merino Heart Dressing Gown, £406
3. You Rock My Boat Embroidered Cushion, £39.06
4. Cire Trudon Ernesto Tobacco & Leather Scented Candle, £62.50
5. Love is Art Wall Canvas Kit, USD$60
6. Please Don’t Leave Doormat, £12
7. Personalised City Coordinates Canvas, £25

Jewellery & Accessories

1. Tiffany & Co. Plaid Money Clip, AUD$230
2. Tiffany Yours ‘Close to my Heart’ Bangle, AUD$510
3. Venessa Arizaga Glowing Heart Necklace, AUD$335
4. Drake’s Pocket Square & Bow Tie Set, £83.33
5. Marc by Marc Jacobs Heart Brass and acetate charm bracelet, £70.83
6. Vivienne Westwood Love Orb Necklace, £100

Had Ernest Hemingway been alive today and penning a tome in between catching pigeons on the rooftops of Paris and drinking himself to death, maybe he’d notice that there was something different about his Moleskine. Then again, myopia and alcoholism do go hand in hand, so perhaps he’d mistake an embedded Lego brick for braille. What eight raised dots in a two-column, two-row formation mean to someone who reads with their hands will have to remain a mystery.

In the latest fun collaboration, Moleskine has paired with LEGO to produce a fun take on their legendary notebooks. With a Lego brick included, printed Lego men and stickers, it’s a nifty notepad for grown-ups and children alike. It’s available for a song (or a poorly-drafted short story) from Amazon.

With winter creeping up ever so slowly and the need for socks to again become the norm in foot fashion, an interesting mix of coffee culture meets the sodden cotton shrouds we wrap around our feet every day has come to light. Enter Longblack, New Zealand’s take on sleek, sophisticated and sexy apparel to jazz up what some consider the body’s sexiest asset: the feet.

Sleek, sophisticated and sexy are a far cry from what most in the western world would consider socks. Gone were the days of naming inanimate and the most physically unattractive of clothing or electronic products an enticing and sensually arousing entitlement.

Apparently not. That aside, however, the socks and their dub do make sense; they’re socks, they’re long and they’re black. Enlightened? Good.

Why exactly they have taken it upon themselves to cast into the minds of every long black coffee lover the stinking, wretched cotton sausages that absorb the most vile of foot sin is a mystery. But hey, it works for them and truth be known, it’s quite creative. As long as one is not considering the name of the sexy new foot pieces while sucking back coffee at a favourite cafe, one’s gag reflex shouldn’t kick in too immediately.

Long Black has too, been quite conniving in its packaging of the footwear to address the requirements of those podophobes among us. Should one detest the look, feel, smell or notion of socks, feet and all their encompassing foulness, the packaging is as deceptive as Jocelyn Wildenstein’s face, assuring one’s look is not tarnished by the stigma of sock shopping, while ensuring passers-by associate you with a visit to the local espresso joint rather than the truth of your actions.

The socks are a nice little addition to every sock-lover’s drawer, as well. Their softness-to-stretchiness ratio is impressive, as is the quaint design on shaft of each of the appendages. Even if you’re not such a sock fan, the packaging makes for a deceptive décor addition to appeal to the ‘I’m so eclectic and decorate my home with mixed media and found objects’ artist in us all.

So those burly and brawny men are about to run around the football field and best of all, there are going to be some incredibly expensive ads. That’s right: this weekend it’s Super Bowl Sunday! While bringing glamour to football is a challenge, here are a few speaking points to enable you to blend in while remaining composed at this exciting time.

There are no actual bowls involved in the game. Do not make this mistake as it is a dead giveaway that you do not care for sport. Turns out, the name was decided when two leagues (the American Football League and the National Football league) merged and they wanted a name to decide the world champion (of a game that is only played in one country). As a side note, Australia has really fumbled calling its Australian Rules football final, the ‘Grand Final’—talk about underwhelming. But I digress.  NFL Commissioner, Pete Rozelle wanted to call the merged game ‘The Big One’. The other league guy apparently jokingly called it the “Super Bowl” as a play on words related to a toy his daughter had (called a Wham-O Super Ball) combined with the college “bowl” games (Ever heard of the Rose Bowl? No of course not if you’re reading this post but look it up here). The Super Bowl became a permanent name. And that’s why you shouldn’t joke about bowls because you could end up naming the second-largest day for U.S. food consumption, after Thanksgiving Day.

This year’s game is called Super Bowl XLVI. It’s in Roman numerals because Roman numerals scream gladiatorial combat rather than just some prancy game involving freakishly large men who wear leggings.

The two teams playing this year are the New York Giants and New England Patriots. Both of those names are terrifically gladiatorial as well and a lot better than say, “the 49ers” which is not very scary. Behold: “Oh my god, a Patriot is coming to get me. Behind him is an angry Giant. Holding their bags is a 49er.” Do not be misled by their names; there is nothing new about either team.

The New York Giants are known for:

●  Having a 17-year drought during the ’60s and ’70s when they didn’t make it into the playoffs aka the Finals;
●  One of their players , Plaxico Burres, accidentally shooting himself when the Glock he’d tucked into the waistband of his sweatpants (which he was inexplicably wearing at a nightclub), began sliding down his leg and he pulled the trigger inadvertently when reaching for it;
●  Having a quarterback named Eli Manning who appeared in an Oreo commercial.

The New England Patriots are known for:

●  Having Tom Brady as their quarterback who was picked like waaaaaaay down the draft picks and then turned out to be awesome. Also, he dated Mr Big’s wife, “Natasha” from Sex and the City and then left her in real life when she was pregnant so that he could go out with supermodel Gisele Bündchen and have babies with her. Despite this switcheroo, Americans still love him because he is incredibly good-looking and ridiculously good at football.
●  Usually being referred to as the “Pats”. You should totally do this.
●  Being in the Super Bowl seven times (only the Dallas Cowboys and the Pittsburgh Steelers have been in it more).

The Giants and the Pats (I’m totally doing it!) played against each other in the 2008 Super Bowl and the Giants won so there’s some baggage, right there.

The aim of the game is to run up and down the field and score touchdowns (where someone gets into the end of the field at the opposite end to where they started). Touchdowns are worth six points. When someone gets a touchdown it’s a big deal and a much bigger deal than in Aussie Rules football where it happens 20 or so times in a game but not quite as big a deal as in soccer (or football if you’re from anywhere where it’s the only form of football worth considering) when it sometimes doesn’t happen at all.

If there is a foul, the umpires (or officials) throw a yellow flag weighted down with a beanbag onto the field. This is not considered something festive you should do at home.

And that’s about it. Have a great day and be sure to eat some buffalo wings (which is a euphemism for chicken) and some beer and cheese soup (which horrifying enough, is not a euphemism for chicken).

Short and sweet, here are the pressing issues (well, some of them) for your Agony Uncle this week. 
Oh, and if you like these Levi’s shorts, you can buy them here from ASOS.

Would it be frowned upon by potential employers if they see your application was sent to their inboxes late at night? By late I mean in terms of business hours, so before midnight but after 9pm.

Sinead, Melbourne

These days in the world of electronic communication, prospective employers are generally understanding of flexible hours and the need to grab a spare moment where one can. On the positive side, if you send it at night, chances are it’ll be one of the first things they read in the morning. Negatively, if you’ve been on the sauce and are four martinis in when distributing your résumé, you might just find yourself at a job interview for which you don’t recall applying.

What should my facial expression be when I’m walking around in public?

Argie, Twitter

You have so many options: disdainful will tell others to stay away, smug will tell them to roll their eyes, pouty will tell them that you should be ridiculed … or picked up, and wonky will tell them you have Bell’s palsy. Make your choice and wear your face with confidence!

What should I name our meeting room?

Karthi, Twitter

Stan.

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