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I am the stages that girls go through before fully moving on. Tagalugin ko na rin para pati guys makaintindi. Joke! LOLs.

Shock. Hindi mo sukat-akalain na magkakahiwalay pa kayo gayong kulang na lang ay mag-share kayo ng toothbrush at deodorant.

Denial. Feeling mo magkakabalikan pa talaga kayo. As in. You feel it in your bones.

Bargaining. Maloka-loka ka pa sa paghahabol sa kanya. Pupunta ka pa siguro sa bahay niya para magmakaawa na balikan ka niya. Magiging better girlfriend ka na talaga. Promise.

Anger. Galit ka dahil iniwan ka niya at hindi siya gumagawa ng paraan para magkabalikan kayo.

Worthlessness. Feeling mo ang pangit-pangit mo dahil iniwan ka niya.

Acceptance. Ubos na ang luha mo. Unti-unti mo nang natatanggap na wala na siya at malamang ay hindi na muling babalik pa.

Reconstruction. Mas mahal mo na ang sarili mo sa puntong ito. Nangangarap ka na ulit para sa sarili mo. You’re starting to plan a future without him.

Understanding & compassion. Hindi ko naranasan ito. Haha.

Bottom line is, cry for now, dear. You don’t have any other way around it. But you’ll be fine. Hindi naman siguro posible na forever ka na lang na malungkot hindi ba?

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Age 5. I slapped my Yaya on the face. It’s ok. My mom already scolded her.

Age 8. I punched my classmate three times. It’s ok. My mom said it’s his fault, not mine.

Age 10. I told my teacher she’s a bitch. It’s ok. My mom said I needed to teach her a lesson too.

Age 14. I snorted my first cocaine. It’s ok. My mom said we all go though that stage in life.

Age 16. I slapped my girlfriend on the face. It’s ok. My mom said she deserved it.

Age 19. I masterminded a big brawl at school. It’s ok. My mom said she’s going to talk to the principal.

Age 23. I accidentally killed Undersecretary Nestor Ponce Jr because of my reckless driving. It’s ok. My mom will get me out of prison with her money.

Age 28. I killed Renato Ebarle Jr. with a gun. It’s ok. My mom will say “it is the choice of heaven”.

Age 28. People hate me. It’s ok. My mom said “til death do us part”.

Age 28. I am a fugitive with P1,000,000.00 over my head. It’s ok. My mom will hide me inside her basement and tell everyone she doesn’t know where I am.

Age 28. I sprayed some pesky policemen with bullets. It’s ok. Hehehe. My mom loves me no matter what I did.

Hell yeah! I have the best mom in the whole wide world! Woohoo!

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I was born in Aklan, raised in Bacolod and am now living in Cebu with my family. I do speak three dialects fluently. Like my upbringing, I have always been a child of different worlds. I constantly felt like I never belonged to anything nor anyone, well, until I discovered writing.

I remember being a three year-old who pretended to know how to read by memorizing the dialogues in the pages of a local magazine. Thanks to my grandfather who instilled in me the value of pursuing knowledge wherever I go. I was so young then but I already understood how mere words can affect and influence people.

I was addicted to anything and everything that spelled romance and witty conversations. One time, my mother even threatened to boil my komiks collection and force me to drink the juice so I would stop reading them and start studying my lessons in school. Laugh not for that was a true story.

I did not read a lot of english romance novels but I educated myself by reading articles on paper and scouring the internet for random information. I never went anywhere without a notebook and a ballpen on hand. Ideas, for me, were like rainbows. I had to take note of them before they disappeared on me forever.

I woke up in the morning and slept at night with nothing but heroes and heroines in my mind. Writing about how they met and fell in love was pretty much the air that I breathed and I couldn’t even begin to imagine myself without it. Call me crazy.

I have always believed that a writer should have two wings in order to fly. One wing should be forged out of passion and the other one, freedom of expression. Hey, look Ma, I’m flying..

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1. Gloria Arroyo and Andal Amputan’s crimes against humanity will be forgotten in no time.

2. Noynoy Aquino Kris Aquino will become president. God Bless us all.

3. Hayden Kho’s sex life will never be the same again.

4. Mar Roxas will twit a picture of Korina in her underwear, ala Ashton Kutcher.

5. CNN Hero of the Year Efren Peñaflorida will be the new sexy.

6. Bong Revilla will be the poster boy for  husbands who never– I repeat– never cheat on their wives.

7. Dra. Vicky Belo will be dating a thirteen year-old schoolboy.

8. Willie Revillame will finally realize that he doesn’t rule the world. Gabby Lopez does.

9. Mistress number five for Manny Pacquiao and diamond solitaire number three for Jinkee.

10. Derek Ramsay will break up with Angelica Panganiban to begin an illicit affair with me. Weeeeeeeee!

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Why did you have to drench my soil with the blood of all these innocent people?

They had bright lives ahead of them. They had families waiting for them to come home. They had hopes. They had dreams.

Is anything really worth killing dozens of defenseless men and women? Raping the women before peppering them with bullets?

Did you not come from your mother’s nurturing womb? Are you even human? Can you sleep at night knowing what you have done?

Why did you have to do it? Money? Fame? Power?

Was it really worth it? Tell me, because I cannot fathom the depth of your beastly and repugnant souls.

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So what if he’s married?

So what if his wife cries on TV because of me?

So what if he has four kids?

So what if I ruin my daddy’s honor?

So what if they call me a home wrecker?

So what if they call me a gold digger?

So what if I become an embarrassment to my family?

So what if I’m a mistress?

So what if he’s ugly?

So what? So what? SO WHAT?

Inggit lang kayo dahil maganda ako, bata, maputi at kaakit-akit pa. Hmp!

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How great it would have been if he proposed to me in a lush garden somewhere in Tagaytay rather than in a studio full of screaming people.

If only he reserved those tears for a more intimate venue.

How beautiful a wedding it would have been if it were held by the beach with only thirty of our favorite people in attendance.

If only I didn’t have to invite Kris Aquino and two hundred other people whom I disliked.

How utterly romantic it would have been if we were married three years before or after the presidential elections.

If only I didn’t have to be the laughing stock of women who are not nearly as successful and as intelligent as I am.

How happy would I have been if my husband didn’t want two birds in one stone by marrying me. On national TV.

Sigh. If only he loved me for me.

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Ang mga lalake hanap ng hanap ng virgins pero sila rin naman ang  umuubos ng mga virgins dito sa mundo.

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YOU THINK?? WTF is the matter with this people? Mag-iisang buwan na matapos masalanta ang mga kababayan natin. ISANG BUWAN!! Do you mean “do not delay ang dati nang delayed”? Shet.

Anong ginagawa ng mga donations na ito sa warehouse? APAT na warehouse ang nasa loob ng compound na ‘yon! APAT na warehouse na punong-puno ng inaalikabok na relief goods! Relief goods na ayaw yata ibigay sa mga nasalanta. Halatang-halata. ~ Blog ni Ella.

Now tell me, what’s worse than seeing Gloria Arroyo burping on a one million peso dinner at Le Cirque? DSWD hoarding international relief goods of course!

I hope the blog where I got this from is just a hoax. I fervently wish that the girl who wrote these words is lying. I truly do. I truly do.

If there is a single speck of truth in what she has written, then we will be nothing but vultures who feed on rotten and smelly corpses, in the eyes of the world.

I am already embarrassed by the corrupt stain that has tainted the image of this beautiful nation. A nation supposedly crowded with heroes.  A nation where people risk and give their lives to save others.

DSWD. What the #$^& were you thinking? You people are robbing Ondoy victims of the things that could sustain them for one more night! What could be lower that that? Brrr.. this is more disturbing than Bagyong Ondoy itself!

One dying person could have lived another day if you handed him one can of that imported corned beef . One sick child would have survived if you handed her that frigging blanket. You could have saved a few more lives if you didn’t act like some kind of vermin!

Oh God! I really hope hell exists! Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go vomit now.

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I am what happens when the following people close their eyes and go to sleep. (evil grin)

Richard Gutierrez

1. Mishaps involving airplanes, speedboats, automobiles and other modes of transportation.

2. Anabelle Rama’s big mouth.

3. Waking up looking like  Rene Requiestas.

Hayden Kho

1. Having sex with a 65 year old woman named Vicki.

2. The words “two inches” in big bold letters . (wink)

3. Being castrated by ghosts of girlfriends past.

Kris Aquino

1. HERSELF, literally being IN the center of the earth.

2. HERSELF, having the surname “Alatiit” instead of “Aquino”.

3. HERSELF, being gagged into oblivion by Boy Abunda.

Anabelle Rama

1. Waking up with a severe case of tonsilitis.

2. Wilma Galvante clad in a seductive playboy bunny costume.

3. Waking up without lawsuits that fuel her enthusiasm to live.

Mikey Arroyo

1. Tasting the sweet and salty taste of sardines for the very first time.

2. Drowning in thirty tons of 10-peso coins.

3. Being trapped in a roof amid a sea of expensive wine at the height of a typhoon Ondoy.

Chavit Singson

1. Being chewed alive by wild animals from his personal collection.

2. Not having enough money and semen to rule the world.

3. Being horsewhipped by no less than Che Tiongson.

Joseph Estrada

1. The extinction of ignorant people who still want him to become president.

2. The extinction of stupid people who still want him to become president.

3. The extinction of gullible people. Period.