How Not To Act Old

We’ve been DreamWorked!

Pamela Redmond Satran — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 16:59:40 +0000

It’s official: How Not To Act Old has been optioned by DreamWorks to be a movie or a television show. This is obviously thrilling news. I don’t think it matters one bit that my book has no characters, story, or plot: Neither does most of what’s out there! What’s really important is who’s going to play [...]

Game ON, Chelsea Handler!

Pamela Redmond Satran — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 16:04:49 +0000

So Chelsea Handler, my rival for the title of Bestsellingest Female Humor Writer, has upped the game by posing naked — yes, I mean totally nude, as in without any clothes — for Playboy. She revealed a Godzilla-sized picture of herself on the magazine’s cover on Leno the other night. Chelsea is obviously so desperately [...]

#161: Don’t Go Hatin’ On Halloween

Pamela Redmond Satran — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 15:17:11 +0000

I was going to enumerate everything I hate about Halloween, but just picture scary teenagers pounding at the door, the kids crying because their trick-or-treating companions ditched them, and Mommy face down in a bag full of chocolate. Instead, I want to focus, young-like, on what’s unambigously good about Halloween, and that to me is Day [...]

#160: Don’t Go To The Periodontist

Pamela Redmond Satran — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 17:14:21 +0000

Before I bring you our regularly scheduled program, check out this entry to the annals of dental bizarreness: Tooth Tattoos. Next time I have a couple grand to burn and I’m feeling really masochistic, I am so going to get that David Letterman. Meanwhile, I’ve been thinking about how there are old doctors and young doctors. [...]

#159: Don’t Brush Your Hair

Pamela Redmond Satran — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 14:15:51 +0000

Like most of the best How Not To Act Old tips, this one came from one of my kids. We’d driven into the city for a special night out, and as we were about to get out of the car, I was distraught to discover that I’d forgotten my brush. Now I’d have to go [...]

#158: Don’t Read Your Horoscope

Pamela Redmond Satran — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 13:10:05 +0000

Okay, reading your horoscope every day, subscribing to special monthly horoscopes, even paying serious money to visit an astrologer for a personal reading isn’t something that only old people do, like dialing a phone with one’s index finger. But there’s something intrinsically middle-aged about being into astrology. Why? Because it came into vogue in the early [...]

#157: Don’t Drive A Prius

Pamela Redmond Satran — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 17:41:21 +0000

Before I get warmed up here, let me run outside and take a picture of my car: Yep, that’s a Prius, the kind of car you think is really cool if you’re Larry David, or Ellen DeGeneres, or Ted Danson — if you are, in other words, someone old. Even my 26-year-old daughter thinks Priuses are pretty [...]

Happy 60th Birthday, Bruce. I think.

Pamela Redmond Satran — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 13:20:18 +0000

A funny thing happened when I went to Youtube this morning in search of an early Bruce Springsteen video, to post here in celebration of Bruce’s 60th birthday. I expected to find some rocking footage that would bring back the…..well, yes, the glory days of the Bruce I first saw in Milwaukee in 1975, [...]

#156: Don’t Get Shrunk

Pamela Redmond Satran — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 11:58:12 +0000

This is a first-class How Not To Act Old tip that I somehow forgot about until somebody brought it up at a Labor Day picnic. “That’s a great one,” I said, except I didn’t have a pen, and it didn’t occur to me to make a note on my iPhone, and then I lost my [...]

Love Letter to Grace Coddington

Pamela Redmond Satran — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 18:45:07 +0000

Dear Grace, I just saw The September Issue, R.J. Cutler’s documentary about the making of last September’s issue of Vogue, and I’ve fallen in love with you. Absolutely head over heels. Before I count the ways, let me feature a picture of you in all your gorgeousness. Look at the excitement and energy in those eyes! Mwah, [...]