Tonight it’s Halloween and I have to burn the midnight oil down in the torture chamber medical lab.  Despite the overtime, I still get to enjoy a sinfully delicious tipple.

This libation is a pure shot to the old noggin and side effects may include cranial hemorrhaging, psychotic episodes, and some bloody head banging…  Your prognosis?  Watch the video to find out…

P.S.  If your head is pounding the morning after here’s a few “tried and true”  hangover cures. The bacon one is THE best!

We caught a rather large and curious iguana get down and dirty at the Mayan Ruins in Tulum, Mexico.  Now, I know that it’s called “ruins” but c’mon, that’s not an excuse to defecate in public!  By the way,  anyone got a match?

For some, the terrible title of this video may conjure up blurred memories of  a spring break mishap (or two) in crazy Cancun.  For the rest of you pervs, get your dirty minds out of the gutter – that little crab is damn cute!

This short clip shot at the Hacienda Tres Rios resort down in sunny Playa del Carmen, Mexico.  I never thought my room key card could (or would) double as a life raft.

There’s nothing like perking up workweek doldrums than with a sexy tropical libation.   This cocktail comes by way of the beautiful country of Brazil.  It’ll have you lusting for that Girl from Ipanema frolicking on the beach with Gisele Bündchen in itsy bitsy Brazilian bikinis.  So what drink could sum up all this Brazilian sexiness in a glass?  Just Brazil’s national drink – the Caipirinha and her sexy little sis, Caipirissima.

This how-to is dedicated to the Caipirissima which is made with light rum rather than the Brazilian spirit Cachaça (which is used in a Caipirinha).  Like the Cuban Mojito (watch how to make a Mojito), this is also a muddled drink.  I go over the semantics in the video – guess you’ll just have to watch to learn more.  Saude and drink responsibly!

P.S. For those of you who enjoy a lush life, remember the Caipirinha / Caipirissima  isn’t just lime and sugar juice and downing too much may cause your motor skills to crash. If your lack of sobriety should result in a drunken stooper here’s a link to a few “tried and true” idiot friendly hangover cures. The bacon one is THE best!  

If you’re a vegan, or animal rights activist against seafood consumerism and consumption, now is the best time for you to click the back button on your browser and leave this how-to at once (but thanks for stopping by!).  Okay, so if you’re still reading this I assume you looovvee the mouth-watering and heavenly taste of a lobster tail lightly spritzed with tangy lemon juice and dunked in warm, drawn  butter.  If so, read and watch on my fellow lobster lovah!

Another Saturday and another seriously sexy libation: the Mojito. Guess what? It’s so easy to make that it’s certain to wow that “special someone”. Even Napoleon Dynamite will be jealous of your super domesticated-like skills. And ya know the best part? It’ll take you about five minutes to prepare and the ingredients won’t cost mucho dinero. This refreshing tropical drink comes from Cuba and has been a hit seen the 16th century. After all, it’s a sexy gentleman’s drink that both James Bond and Ernest Hemingway favored! So, now it’s time for you to get in the kitchen, bathtub, your car, under your office desk or wherever it is you get on your down and dirty drink mojo. Salud and drink responsibly!

P.S. For those of you who enjoy a lush life, remember Mojitos aren’t just mint, lime and sugar juice and downing too much may cause your motor skills to crash. If your lack of sobriety should result in a drunken stooper here’s a link to a few “tried and true” idiot friendly hangover cures. The bacon one is THE best!  For those of you who prefer your beverages sans alcohol, the Mojito makes for a delicious virgin cocktail too!

Canadian Millionaire Ryan Jenkins seemingly had it all: a buxom trophy wife, Jasmine Fiore, financial wealth and newly found reality t.v. fame. What went wrong?

The hunt for the alleged millionaire turned reality television star turned alleged murderer is now over.  Ryan Jenkins, the ex-hubby of murdered swimsuit model, Jasmine Fiore, has been found dead.  Jenkins, 32, a native Canadian was found hanged by his belt on a coat rack in a small room at the Thunderbird Motel in Hope, British Columbia.  Officials believe Jenkins death is a suicide.  The word on the street is that a wholesome-looking 20-something blonde accompanied Jenkins to the motel.  The young hottie checked in with the motel’s front desk while Jenkins waited in his car.  However, the mystery blonde was M.I.A. at the time Jenkins’ body was discovered.  Really, this scandal is above and beyond the staged bizarro of  a reality melodrama and has developed into a sleazy Hollywood murder mystery.

(read more...)

Liskula Cohen has won a lawsuit against Google and the identity of anonymous name-calling blogger. Conversely, model Jasmine Fiore has lost her life for presumably more than cyber smack talk.

This week has been quite the week for models in the press. One rightfully deserving the attention and the other probably not. We’ll start with the “probably not” because the supercilious one is so much more fun!

(read more...)

The sex tape was a wash-up but hopefully you'll find this illustration to be a fun splash. One thing is certain - whatever is going on above beats "three men in a tub". Rub-a-Dub-Dub, baby! Composite art by Michelle.

The month of August typically brings heat, bothersome humidity and media doldrums. It’s been quite some time since a steamy celebrity sex tape hit the Internet and today was no exception.  Recently, Gawker.com published a censored version of a “sex tape” starring Grey’s Anatomy star, Eric Dane (along with his anatomy), his wife former Noxema girl, Rebecca Gayheart and former beauty queen turned wanna-be Heidi Fleiss, Kari Ann Periche. I use quotations loosely around sex tape because although there is nudity (refer to Fleshbot.com’s version) there wasn’t much sex….or any remotely interesting happenings. I retract that statement. There was some hot fondling of rubber duckies dipping underwater during the “bathtub scene” along with the use of questionable contraband. Oh, yeah and one chick’s alter ego is named “Nina” and the dude is Peter Cocaine Cowboy or something another.  Giddy-up!!!

It seems like this celeb erotic film of late has lost a stiff wind in its sail (well, a stiff anything).  And this uneventful one may leaves its stars all washed up and high and dry.

P.S. Unfortunately the released sex footage was a boring bust so I felt compelled to make it up to you dear readers with the above Photoshopped pièce de résistance.  Enjoy!

Last week on a whim, I tried something new.  I created a how-to video for an easy-to-make and delicious summer refreshment: Watermelon Lemonade.  To my surprise, many of you dear viewers/readers (by the way, thank you for watching!) expressed that you’d like another chilled libation for this weekend.

Just in time to kick off your Saturday is a seriously sexy Strawberry Sangria that’s sure to get you laid.  Ok, that’s pushing it.  However, it’s certain to wow that “special someone”.  Even Napoleon Dynamite will be jealous of your super domesticated-like skills.  And ya know the best part?  It’ll take you about five minutes to prepare and doesn’t cost mucho dinero.  Even better, now you know what to do with that half-bottle of blush wine that was sorta going funky in the fridge.  So, it’s time for you to get in the kitchen, bathtub, your car, under your office desk or wherever it is you get on your down and dirty drink mojo.  Salud and drink responsibly!

P.S.  For those of you who enjoy a lush life, remember Sangria isn’t fruit punch and too much may cause your motor skills to crash.  If your lack of sobriety should result in a drunken stooper here’s a link to a few “tried and true” idiot friendly hangover cures.  The bacon one is THE best!

Wow, the warm months are really flying by and two of my favorite summer perrenials are watermelon and lemonade.  This is my first how-to video (well, one that’s NOT a parody) – it’s easy to make (hopefully!), tastes yummy and even yummier when you throw back some vodka with it.  For those of you watermelon lushies who enjoy the hard version of this drink, be advised it’s NOT just fruit juice.  If your lack of sobriety should result in a drunken stooper here’s a link to a few “tried and true” idiot friendly hangover cures.  The bacon one is THE best!

P.S. Almost forgot my little legal disclaimer mumbo jumbo.  Please be advised that the hard version is for the 21+ crowd (if you’re in the States).  Younger viewers/readers elsewhere in the world – party on!

The Declaration of Independence by John Trumbull (1795). Trumbull's famous painting is often identified as a depiction of the signing of the Declaration, but it actually shows the drafting committee presenting its work to the Congress.

It’s always wise to remember the price people paid to provide us with so many of the freedoms that we take completely for granted today. Especially in these times when our civil rights are being stripped away one after another by the government “elite” all in the name of protecting us from terrorists, banksters, panics, and ponzi schemes often created and orchestrated by those same people behind the scenes. Bernie Madoff has been given 150 years in jail for orchestrating a huge ponzi scheme. But who will go to jail when the greatest ponzi schemes of all time go bust? Who will pay when the monetary system collapses into hyperinflation and the social security and medicare systems collapse altogether? Instead, they’ll probably give the same people who helped cause the problems kudos for “saving” us from the mess, along with a few more trillion dollars of some new currency to help “save us” from themselves…

(read more...)

Tickets to attend Jackson's memorial service circus will have fans shelling out more than mere peanuts.

Update:  Tickets are free via online lottery.  Over 1.6 million people registered for the chance to receive one of the 17,500 free tickets.

The King of Pop is dead but the “Wacko” media circus is alive and well! Radaronline.com posted on their blog today that Michael Jackson’s memorial service will be held at the Staples Center in Los Angeles next Tuesday, July 7th.

Michael Jackson’s father Joe Jackson is said to be in charge of this Hollywierd extravaganza, milking his cash cow of a son, even in death. The two hour long service will have many superstars in attendance. However, Jacko’s fans will have to shell out a lot more than mere peanuts to attend this memorial circus. The nosebleed seats are set to have a nauseating ticket price: a whopping twenty-five clams a pop. M.J. merchandise not included! Gotta love show biz – it’s oh so clASSy!

(read more...)

Michael Jackson may have been the "King of Pop" and a proud Poppa but he didn't pop out one of his own. Who'd a spunk it!

Not even a week after Michael Jackson’s sudden passing and the tributes have already begun to wane and make way for a full on Thriller of a media Freak Show.  With an estate possibly worth a billion dollars in question (minus the $400 million dollars of reported debt), and three young children survived by Michael, more of MJ’s biological skeletons may be rattling out of his chateau-sized closet.

(read more...)

Happy Eighth Birthday Sasha Obama! Hope it was a big splash!

President Obama is not only an exemplary politician but also a role model of a father.  In a news article published in the Baltimore Sun yesterday, Barack emphasized the importance of maintaining a normal family life in his White House by making his young daughters’ schedules a priority on his to do list.  In fact, so much so that the Prez was quoted as saying, “You know, we had travel. I had to go to Normandy. And then the girls had, Sasha had her birthday party here, and she was flying folks in for a pool party. So, really, it revolves around the girls’ social schedule.”

According to Blackcelebkids.com, Sasha O.’s eighth birthday was a full four day fête (June 7^th – 10^th) while living it up in Paris, France and London, England (even closing tourist hotspot Westminster Abbey!) and according to Dad, a pool party at the White House.  That’s quite some birthday for an eight-year-old!  Next year’s decadent festivities may have to top Paris Hilton’s twenty-first bday debauchery.

(read more...)

Photo art by Michelle.

The economy might be in the can but all hail the Commander of Cheese!

Inarguably, the current state of the economy is grim if not hopeless. Economic forecasters expect unemployment numbers to continue to rise. For those of you fretting over a pink slip fear not! Entrepreneurism in the fast food industry is alive and well in the greater Washington D.C. metro area. If you’re just a short drive from the District, consider cashing in a last unemployment check, tying on an apron and start flippin’ burgers. Say what?! Yup, flipping burgers for the politicos along the Potomac is the new cash cow. Should Prez Obama and entourage stop in at your greasy spoon for a bite the overnight over lunch publicity could have you bringing home the bacon.

(read more...)

Updated – Just a month after Donald Trump held a press conference and announced his benevolent decision to keep Carrie Prejean and her admirable breasts crowned as Miss California, this afternoon the Donald revoked his choice.  First Runner Up, Miss Malibu Tami Farrell is now the reigning Miss California.

Rumor is that Miss Prejean’s ego got carried away as she refused to attend nearly thirty events as Miss California.  Keith Lewis, the Executive Director of the Miss California USA pageant stated that Prejean was dethroned due to “…contract violations including Ms. Prejean’s unwillingness to make appearances on behalf of the Miss California USA organization.”. Can’t imagine that Perez Hilton would be at each and every one with a mob of angry Prop 8 protestors?!  However, in a phone interview for TMZ.com Prejean claimed that Lewis tried to pimp her out to Playboy magazine for a $140,000 semi-nude gig.  It’s understandable that a devout Christian gal might take offense to such an offer.  Getting paid six figures to pose parially naked?!!!  Sweet Jesus! Can’t blame the pageant for wanting to cash in on a Playboy spread.  After all, they want and expect a return on their breast augmentation investment.

Miss Prejean’s former modeling agent, Francine Champagne of Visions Model Management in Los Angeles said of Prejean, “I just felt like she was a little nutty and I’d rather not represent someone with that mind frame and I just think she is a problem, and I did not feel that she was of the utmost professionalism and she did not follow through on her side of the bargain so therefore we decided to cut our losses and let her go.”. Even the Donald was quoted as saying “To me she was the sweetest thing. Everyone else — she treated like s**t.”.

Judging by those few statements Carrie is either difficult to work with OR someone who really does stand her ground.  Miss Prejean certainly has a talent for commanding press and a captivated audience – there’s probably more of her to come.  So, what will it be next for the former beauty queen…a possible stint on Celebrity Apprentice?  She’s got the hook up in the bag.

Judging by the model's shocked expression, she thinks Cimbalo is so wrong it's wrong. Or, this fine filly is rearing to go for Regis Philbin. Giddy-up!

Once upon a time, savvy, straight men and open-minded women blew their horns that they read the mainstream men’s magazine, Playboy, for its highly informative articles.  Then came yesterday, a now infamous day in misogynistic publishing (well, at least for the past twenty-four hours) when a blowhard writer hater by the name of Guy Cimbalo informed blue-balled web denizens of the ten conservative women he’d like to “hate fuck”.  After that statement, Playboy’s few remaining readers might  want to fess up that they subscribe just to ogle naughty and ridiculously retouched pictures.

Yes, I’m aware that Playboy is a 2-D shrine to boobs, but I’m still confused as to how they got an insolent boob to write for them.  To top that off, they even got a boob editor who gave the okay!  This “list” of hateful drivel isn’t in the least bit informative, funny, witty, clever or entertaining.  If anything it’s an outrageous embarrassment to liberals of both sexes, and beats the pitiful code of ethics boasted by drunken New Jersey frat boys.  Mr. Cimbalo (and I use the title “Mr.” with unadulterated sarcasm) is entitled to disagree with these women’s political opinions and overall ideology.  But to suggest “hate fucking” them is downright deplorable. Such language suggests sexual torment, humiliation and battery.  “Hate fuck” equates to “love to rape”.

(read more...)

]]>