Transition.

2019-11-02T14:34:00.001-07:00

Today has been warm with friends and cold outside. Periwinkle skies after rain set against bright yellow leaves. Angst over Advent and how to do it "best." Flu shots and buying next year's calendar.

Our giant, paper calendar catches everyone's eye when they visit our house. I tell everyone the same thing, the truth, that I tried a phone calendar for a stint but I never clicked for my brain. I missed events all the time. Our wall calendar is a science. It's big enough to fit mundane details like school hours, weekly date nights, and bi-weekly potlucks. There's just enough room for a monthly mantra to be colored in a square. But since my brain requires a lot of white space, I welcome the challenge not to over-schedule our days. White space in the calendar = white space in my mind.

I could be wrong, but I think one reason people jump to Christmas after Halloween is because we want a purpose, a drive. It's cold out and we're still adjusting. Mindlessly wandering and looking for a cause. Traditions like a landmark that will tell us where we are. I think I'm jumping from Halloween to Christmas because I'm adjusting and looking for a purpose. I actually really love Advent. I love the deep preparation and anticipation. I love acknowledging all the dark, broken reasons we needed that baby to be born in a manger. But what do we do for now? Can I find a Thanksgiving station on Pandora? It's a transition and I'm rudderless. Baking seems to be a solid option for now. And taking a long walk every day we can. Someday soon the double stroller will be replaced with the toboggan I drag my kids in. I'm rudderless but I'm also listening. What's under the searching for a theme/a name to the season. Is it enough to just call it "Late Fall Expect Nothing"?

There's also been a transition with my career, if you can call it that. My freelance writing felt like a square peg in a round hole all year and I finally decided to pitch it; against all fears of where it leaves me. I'm embracing the space it left behind. That can be my mission until Advent: embrace the space that early autumn left behind.

Kids are picking out a vinyl record and calling for a dance party so that's my cue.

“All through autumn we hear a double voice: one says everything is ripe; the other says everything is dying. The paradox is exquisite. We feel what the Japanese call "aware"--an almost untranslatable word meaning something like "beauty tinged with sadness.”

― Gretel Ehrlich, The Solace of Open Spaces

My mission is not to judge but to be aware.

A place to be.

2019-10-30T06:07:00.001-07:00

Something has been speaking to me lately that I might enjoy a place to reflect and record. The prompt is not going away, so I'm giving it a try. I've been writing my whole life and journaling was an important part of my adolescence. Attending journalism school was incredible and exciting but also changed how I saw myself as a writer; and writing as an art. I spent years writing ministry newsletters, then years as a freelance science writer. That's about to come to a close. Of course, social media has also complicated any notions of writing online. Still, here I am. Trying not to overthink it. Making a soft place for myself to come, however often, and think.

One hope I have is that my writing will be totally current and reflecting on the day at hand.

I've written all of this while being subject to numerous vaccines and ear probes from my 2-year-old doctor with all of his best plastic instruments.

It's Halloween tomorrow and it's also snowing outside. I cannot hide my excitement. I'm eager for snow and festivities. I know it will be a long, dark winter, so I'm trying not to rush. But lately I've been wondering if there's really any harm in just being excited for what I'm excited about. I'm grateful that Navy and I got outside yesterday to finish our bare minimum of garden prep for winter. There will be a newborn here come spring and I'm doubtful we'll be able to get much cleanup done then.

On the schedule today is a trip to the library; new books needed for all. Must also make chocolate chip cookies to bring to a dinner with new friends tonight. I already did a little yoga so combined with a walk outside that would be a good day for exercise. It would be nice if I could finish my last freelance assignment this afternoon. My most important task will be to keep my mind and heart above the turbulence of Crosby who has a serious case of the toddlers this week. I want to be calm, kind, and consistent no matter what gets thrown at me.

Onward.

Holland House

Transition.

A place to be.