Hils Blog {finding joy}

On being a mom.

2012-02-08T08:21:00.000-08:00

Last Friday I had one of those moments when time slowed down enough to feel as though it were standing still. My crazy, busy one year old (who is more of a monkey these days than a tiny man) fell asleep right next to me on the couch after a long day of fighting a nap. As he has never slept anywhere but his crib (I don't count his carseat because he has never slept longer than 15 minutes in it) it was quite the momentous occasion. I couldn't help but snap a quick phone shot to document this rare occurrence. I laid there breathing in his smell, listening to his deep breaths and sporadic sucks on his binky. I watched his little hand twitch ever so slightly and finally fall completely limp to his side. There is something about watching a child sleep that is so rewarding. It is then when they truly look like the sweet innocent angels sent down to bless your life on this earth.

Every night in the last four years since Little Guy was born, Jer and I have snuck into the boy's rooms and watched them sleep for a few moments. Usually a leg or two have wiggled their way out of the covers and dangle off the mattress. We re-adjust their bodies on to the beds, pull the covers back over them, turn off night lights and kiss them goodnight. After what might be considered a bad day, watching them in their innocent sleep we quickly forget about the messes that were made, the fits that were thrown, the whines and complaints that were constant and simply get to enjoy them for what they are. Sweet little boys sent to us from our Father in Heaven to raise and care for.

I know I don't get this mother thing right most of the time. There are days when I can't help but blink back the tears in frustration with myself for losing my patience or not doing enough for my boys. But in moments of quiet snuggles like I experienced on Friday I was reminded that the effort put in to trying to be a good mom is completely worth it.

Simplifying.

2012-01-06T08:19:00.000-08:00

Hot wheels and wrestles.

I've had some discussions with family and friends recently that have made me pause, want to rewind and regroup. In one of the conversations the topic was about kids and the addiction to electronics these days. My awesome sister-in-law pointed out the fact that the addiction comes from the parents. If your child sees you frequently in front of the computer, your phone, the television, etc. then that's what they think they need as well. I had probably subconsciously made that connection before, but it had never been verbalized for me until that moment.

The very next day, my siblings were all sitting around on the couch, each with smart phones in hand and a basketball game on in the background. My one year old went around to each one of them trying to get a phone. When he was unsuccessful he started to cry. I distracted him with a toy and he soon forgot about wanting a phone to play with. To me, it was a confirmation to what my sister-in-law had just said the previous night.

Technology is amazing and awesome and so incredibly useful. But it also scares me. It scares me that my children are growing up in a day in age when if you don't have some sort of electronic on in the background or in your hands, you are bored. Where teenagers don't even have the conversation skills to interview for a job because they are more use to texting and facebooking than actually talking to a human being. Where people are more and more desensitized by the games they play and the shows they watch.

My resolution, not just for the new year but for my new life (too cheesy?), is to spend less time in front of these things and more time pulling out the paints, taking a walk to the park, discovering new museums, building lego towers, racing hot wheels, reading books, baking pretzels and telling stories. Creating moments where my boys can learn, grow and explore rather than just be "entertained" is going to be my priority. It will be hard. Because, let's face it, it's so much easier (and less messy) to put on a show or set up a computer game than it is to bring out craft after craft and toy after toy to keep them entertained.

But there will be no more excuses.

Wish me luck!

p.s. I won't be updating this blog for a while, so please excuse my absence.

Homemade Hot Cocoa

2011-12-20T20:48:00.000-08:00

A couple of years ago when we still lived in Idaho, one of our neighbors brought us homemade hot chocolate. I was in absolute awe of this, not realizing it was something that could be accomplished at home (duh). I made a point to ask her for the recipe knowing it would be a good thing for this hot chocolate lover to have. I never was able to corner her for the recipe and forgot about it once summer came. That is until the following winter when our neighborhood ladies put together a cookbook. When I received my book I'd be lying if I told you it wasn't one of the first recipes I searched for. Low and behold on page five of that book laid the very recipe I had been coveting for an entire year.

This year (since we are in an entirely different state now) I decided to borrow her idea and give my new neighbors a taste of our Idaho Christmas. I wanted to find a cute way to package it and after a few minutes on Pinterest I was inspired and came up with this:

What do you think? Cute? I like the way they turned out and am glad I was able to find the big quart jars so that it could hold enough servings for a big family if needed. They were super easy to do I just made the tags in photoshop, threaded some cute ribbon through them and then added a Christmasy scrapbook paper top. So easy. The thing that made them extra cute was our personal little delivery man:

He practiced saying "Merry Christmas!" and handing the jars over before we left. The neighbors loved it!

Homemade Hot Cocoa

1 box (1 lb, 10 oz) non fat dry milk (11 cups)
4 cups sifted confectioner's sugar
2 (8 oz) jars flavored non dairy creamer (I used Hazelnut this time but there are lots of options)
1 (11 oz) jar non dairy creamer (3 cups)
1 box (1 lb) chocolate milk mix - like Nestle Quick (2 cups)

In a very large bowl (find your biggest mixing bowl and then get an even bigger one, seriously this makes a ton!) combine all ingredients, stir until well blended. Store in an air tight container. Give with serving instructions. Yeild: about 19 1/2 cups of cocoa mix.

To serve: Add 3 heaping tablespoons to 6 oz. hot water.

The best cup of hot chocolate.

2011-12-11T21:34:00.000-08:00

During the winter months I become somewhat obsessed with hot, chocolately drinks. Every evening before bed I warm myself up a mug of water (or milk if I'm being daring) and enjoy a nice drink of hot chocolate before I go to bed. It produces excellent padding and insulation during the cold winter months. Trust me. Big sweaters and sweat pants become my best friends. I have had some really good cups of hot chocolate in years past, however, I think I may have found my favorite concoction yet. Allow me to share, since that is precisely what I would do if you had come over to my house this evening.

Best Cup of Hot Chocolate

What you will need:

1 festive mug full of hot water
3 table spoons of Stephen's Gourmet Hot Cocoa in Milk Chocolate
a splash (or two.. or three...) of amaretto flavored coffee creamer
1 nice big swirl of Reddi Wip

What you do:

Stir hot chocolate mix into the hot water. Use a milk frother if you have one. Add a splash (or two.. or three...) of amaretto flavored coffee creamer. Taste, make sure there is enough amaretto flavoring to your liking. Then add a little more for good measure. Top it all off with a nice big swirl of Reddi Wip. Spray some in your mouth straight from the canister and put it back in the fridge before anyone notices. Snuggle up on the couch to watch a good movie or even just the news. It won't matter what your watching. The hot chocolate will be so good you won't be paying any attention to what's on the television. Instead you'll be dreaming of all things joyful and good in life. Including the yummy mug of chocolate in your hands. Enjoy!

Lunch time around here...

2011-12-07T21:44:00.000-08:00

... can get rather silly.

Actually, if we are being honest, it's not just lunch time that gets silly around here!

I love these boys of mine.

a recap of November, instagram style.

2011-12-01T09:15:00.000-08:00

1 :: the boys and I sat outside in the car after meeting with the title company while daddy went into the bank. the house buying process turned out to be much more complicated than anyone ever tells you!
2 :: we are finally home owners! we got the keys just two mintues before the moving truck arrived with our stuff. talk about perfect timing.
3 :: Grandma came to help unpack (she also came for some cuddle time with the grandkids). we loved having her here and were sad to see her go.
4 :: the very last box was unpacked just one day after the moving trucks arrived. thanks to family who came to our rescue and helped out big time!
5 :: Tiny's tooth marks in a banana. I love that gap of his.
6 :: received our very first package in the mail at our new home. salted caramel hot chocolate on a stick from ticketkitchen.com. oh so good. a huge thanks to sweet Amber for the perfect house warming gift!
7 :: prepping for Tiny's first birthday. we kept it very low key and it was awesome.
8 :: when I say low key, I mean it. we bought the cake from Costco!
9 :: I'm pretty sure Tiny loved his cake. he just ate the frosting off of it for the longest time, but eventually dug in. he was savoring every single bite.
10 :: we headed to Idaho for Thanksgiving with Jer's family. I had my very first Black Friday shopping experience. the highlight was seeing these two kiddos with their daddies as content as can be. we lucked out bringing such happy kids along!
11 :: this guy slept for about 15 minutes during the trip home. he screamed bloody murder for the remaining 3 hours. he still hates the car... and I'm starting to as well. hoping that whole "beam me up, scotty" thing comes to real life soon.
12 :: Jer's brother came to help put Christmas lights up last weekend. they did a great job and finished in under an hour. impressive.
13 :: oh didn't you know? it's Halloween around here. all. the. time.
14 :: we ate leftover birthday cake to celebrate Michael's birthday. we lit a candle and sang happy birthday to him. Little Guy loved it!
15 :: my little "helper".
16 :: I love waking up to this scene each morning. we are so excited and ready for Christmas in our new home!

A Letter to My Baby - 2 years

2011-11-26T22:12:00.000-08:00

Little and Tiny at Michael's grave the day before we moved.

Dear Michael,

I am sitting here alone tonight, all of the boys are already in bed. Your brother's both have a nasty cold and your dad is exhausted from the weekend's activities. I should probably be in bed also since I know full well that I will be up most of the night with the two little ones. However I am unable to bring myself to go to bed just yet. You see, tomorrow will be the two year mark of the day I held you in my arms. It was a day full of so many emotions, but the one that sticks out to me tonight is one of love. It was the emotion that filled my entire body the second they laid you in my arms. Sadness soon accompanied it, but I will always remember that very first feeling of overwhelming love. You, along with your two brothers, taught me just how powerful a mother's love is.

It is incredible how quick two years can fly by and how many things can change. We are in a new home now, a different place from where you were born. That means it is a place away from the people who were right there for me during those weeks and months of greif. They will always be so dear to my heart for helping me through the loss. So many wonderful people who sacrificed their time and energy to bring meals, watch your big brother, come for visits so that I had shoulders to cry on and so on. I have mentioned before how I wouldn't have made it through that experience without the tender mercies of the Lord. Well, those were some of the many tender mercies given. My friends, family, neighbors and ward members were angels here on earth making those tender mercies happen.

Being in a new place also means we are away from where you are buried. When we found out we were going to be moving the very first thought that came to my mind was how we would not longer be close to you. At first I panicked. After all, it would make it much more difficult for us to come visit whenever we wanted. But after a while I reminded myself that what is buried in your little spot in the world is a shell. A beautiful shell, but still just a shell. You are no longer there, you are in heaven patiently waiting (and working) until we are able to meet again and I found comfort in knowing that.

The other day your oldest brother was playing with the teddy bear you gave him. He has become quite attached to it and even snuck it in his backpack to bring to church with him last week. I asked him if he remembered where he got his bear. He answered without hesitation saying, "Baby Michael gave it to me!". The conversation that followed was such a special moment for me. I was able to ask him what he remembered about you. He asked questions and I answered them. I was able to tell him that we would see you again (which made him very happy). It wasn't the first time I had told him your story. However, each time I tell him about you he understands a little more. He surprised me with how much he understood this time and even asked to see your pictures. After I showed them to him he told me how much he loves you.

You will always be in my heart Michael, filling the hole that was there after I lost you. Your story has touched so many people, most importantly the people in your family. I am thankful for the many life lessons I have learned over the last two years because of you.

I love you.

Love,
Mom

One Year Old

2011-11-23T20:57:00.000-08:00

This morning I woke up to noises coming from your bedroom. I tried to ignore them for just a moment to get a few more minutes of sleep. You had a very restless night, waking up three or four times crying. I like to blame this sort of unacceptable behavior on teething, so we'll say you are teething. The noises that I heard this morning, however, weren't noises of pain or discomfort. They were of pure joy. Squeals and giggles slid under your doorway and into my room. For a moment I thought maybe your big brother had snuck in your room to wish you a happy birthday. He is always one to make you happy. You adore him almost just as much as he adores you.

I finally mustered the strength to roll my tired and stiff body out of bed. I shuffled across the hallway, still half asleep and opened the door to your room. As I did so I saw that you were in your crib, alone, happy as a clam. Your excitement had escalated since seeing me walk through the door. I scooped you up in my arms, smothered you with groggy kisses and wished you a happy first birthday. You patted me a few times right smack dab in the middle of my face (as you tend to do when you're excited). I took you in to your dad who was still in bed. You coaxed him out of bed and continued to giggle and squeal. All the commotion finally woke your brother up so we all sang "Happy Birthday" to you. You were pretty clueless as to what it was all about, but enjoyed the attention anyway.

This past year has gone by much too fast, as time always does when it comes to my babies. You were an easy delivery and an even easier recuperation. That first week we had you home our family was hit with the worst stomach virus of the year. Poor grandma wasn't even able to escape it. You and I stayed confined in your bedroom for a few days until the coast was clear. I'd say it was lucky that we didn't get sick, but you and I both know it was a miracle. There were several months when you were just completely miserable. You cried and cried and I cried right along with you at times. It tore my heart out seeing you in so much pain. Colic runs in the family but you were also hit with a bad case of acid reflux.

After we got through that rough patch you were so full of life and joy. Your personality started to shine through those big blue eyes of yours. You soaked everything up and learned things much quicker than I was ready for you to. You became inseparable to your big brother and spent every waking moment right next to his side.

You are curious about everything around you and love discovering new things. You love toys but books are you true passion. You also love to empty drawers and cabinets, picking each item up and looking at it before throwing it to the ground. You absolutely love bananas. I even found you cramming one into your mouth (peel and all) that you had found in a basket that was on the floor. You bawled when I took that peel away, thinking I had robbed you of your favorite food. You are a lover and always up for a good snuggle. I adore seeing you crawl over to me reaching your hands up in the air begging me to pick you up. I always get rewarded with a big hug.

You will always be such a blessing to us. Our little ray of sunshine after the rain. I thank my Heavenly Father each and every day for blessing me with you in my arms to hold forever. I love you Tiny.

Happy first birthday!

eleven.

2011-11-11T09:30:00.000-08:00

{pictured left: The Pie Pizzeria is not for the dieter but oh so good. pictured right: Beyond Glaze Gourmet Doughnuts (also not for the dieter) - one peanut butter chocolate swirl for me, one pumpkin chocolate chip for Little Guy and Tiny, one maple bacon for the hubs.}

In honor of 11.11.11 here are eleven things I love about where we currently live. It has been quite the culture shock, so it's good for me to reflect on the things that I love about this latest move in our lives. It really wasn't that hard coming up with them as every place has so many wonderful things to offer!

01 :: close to siblings on both sides of the family
02 :: slightly warmer / less windy climate
03 :: living 4 hours away from my parents rather than 8 1/2
04 :: costco!
05 :: the new H+M that just opened up
06 :: the pie
07 :: having more than just one temple nearby (we can see two-almost-three from our current home)
08 :: SUPER TARGET (just when I thought Target couldn't get any better... it did)
09 :: beyond glaze gourmet doughnuts
10 :: being surrounded by beautiful, ginormous mountains
11 :: awesome chains like in-n-out burger, paradise bakery, chipotle, noodles and company, the cheesecake factory, etc.

I realize most of this list has to do with food. That's just the way I like it. I also realize shopping plays a big roll. This isn't because I'm a huge shopper (opposite in fact) but because (if I'm being honest) we didn't have the greatest selection for shopping in Idaho.

The things I love the most about this move, however, are the things that haven't changed. Things like staying home with my cute/hilarious boys all day and drinking hot chocolate (or eating oreos) while watching a show cuddled up with my husband after the boys have gone to bed. When going through big life changes it is the things that stay the same that anchor you. They give you strength and courage to take on whatever is ahead.

Life is good on 11.11.11. Here's to finding joy in the every day and in life's big changes!

p.s. if you have visited or lived in Utah what are the things you love? I'm all about exploring my new surroundings and would love to hear your favorite things.

Michael's Birthday Month :: Raising Funds

2011-11-08T09:25:00.000-08:00

November is a big month in our family. It hasn't always been, three years ago it was just the month that we celebrated Thanksgiving and anticipated the arrival of Christmas. The very next year, however, that all changed. The next November was a month of trials, devastation and heartache. It is the month we gave birth to our stillborn son, Michael. Michael had been diagnosed with Ebstein's Anomaly just one week prior to us losing him. The following year November brought remembrance, reflection and a sweet little addition just four days before Michael's first birthday. November is now a month we celebrate the birth of two of our sons and give thanks for our many blessings. We have turned our heartache into hope and faith that we will see our little boy again.

In honor of our son Michael, I would like to raise money for the Ebstein's Anomaly Foundation once again through my design shop, Simply Yours Designs. It has been two years since finding out about our son's congenital heart defect and there is still very little information about it. I have received emails from parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles who have suffered through similar experiences with Ebstein's Anomaly and it is heartbreaking to know there isn't a lot that can be done due to the lack of research. The Ebstein's Anomaly Foundation helps "fund research to advance the diagnosis, treatment and prevention of this rare congenital defect. Each year, (they) fund the most promising research under the direction of (their) Advisory Board. (Their) advisor will be doctors and institutions who are dealing with Ebstein's cases as well as other congenital heart defects on a daily bases."*

This year I have redesigned Michael's template in the shop. I took one of my best selling templates and revamped it with a new color scheme. 100% of the proceeds from this template will go straight to the Ebstein's Anomaly Foundation year round. For the month of November, however, 40% of all purchases made in the shop will be donated as well in honor of Michael's birthday.

If you would prefer to donate directly to the Ebstein's Anomaly Foundation you can go here and enter any amount. Even just one dollar from each of you can make a difference. Just be sure to tell them I sent you!

*source: Ebsteins Anomaly Foundation

I need your HELP.

2011-11-08T06:51:00.000-08:00

My sweet, adorable, fun-loving Tiny Man has decided he H - A - T - E - S (I spelled it out because we aren't allowed to say that word in our home) the car. He would rather be free and allowed to roam than strapped down in a car seat being forced to be immobile. From the moment I buckle him in to the time I unbuckle him he screams, cries and fusses. It really discourages me from going anywhere unless it's somewhere I really need to be. It even discouraged me from going on a vacation to my parents house this past weekend! Which is a real problem that must be addressed, especially since we are headed back to Idaho for Thanksgiving in a few weeks.

I need your help! What have you done for screaming almost-one-year-olds in the car?? He isn't interested in the iPad yet, a movie most likely wouldn't hold his interest for long, handing food back constantly gets old (and messy), even dum-dum suckers only last for a couple of minutes with this guy. We want him to be just as happy in the car as he is out of the car, because really this kid has completely stolen our hearts. We love him to pieces and don't enjoy putting him through such utter and complete misery.

Thanks in advance for your advice.

Introducing The Great Pumpkin (i.e. best idea ever)

2011-11-02T21:09:00.000-07:00

On Halloween morning while skimming through my google reader, I came across Natalie's* blog post about "waging war against candy (and crazy) everywhere". In the post she introduced to me the best idea ever. An idea that is known as "The Great Pumpkin". An idea that will forever change Halloween in this household in a very good way.

The Great Pumpkin is the perfect way to get rid of all that candy once and for all without your kids protesting their little hearts out and having the whole ordeal end in tears. I was a bit nervous implementing it in our family, but it turned out incredibly awesome. When we told Little Guy about it he was all for it. We told him he had a choice and it just so happens that he was more excited about the mysterious Great Pumpkin than he was about his bucket full of goodies. I am happy to report that we are now candy free and happy again!

Here is how we did it.

First, we wrote a note to the Great Pumpkin:

Next we placed the candy and the note outside of Little Guy's bedroom door. We told Little Guy that the Great Pumpkin would come while he was sleeping and trade his candy for a fun toy:

Finally, once Little Guy was sawing logs we put all of his candy in a bag and replaced it with a fun toy for him to share with Tiny Man (since we donated Tiny's candy as well). We also left him a note from the Great Pumpkin thanking Little Guy for all the candy he collected this year and telling him to enjoy his new toy:

Both Little and Tiny played with the thing all. day. long. That is not an exaggeration people. Little Guy even brought it in the car when we went places:

The best part? Little Guy didn't ask for his candy once today. He didn't say he missed it or wanted it back. More importantly we didn't have any hopped-up-on-sugar fits, stray wrappers all over the house, or choking toddlers! I think we may have to make this a new family tradition. He loved it, I loved it. It was a win/win. I strongly encourage you to do the same if you are tired of all the sweets laying around the house for days and weeks on end!

I'm curious, what do you do as a family to deal with the plethora of after-Halloween-treats?

*Side-note: I love Natalie and got to know her via email when she lost her little boy Gavin. It was just two months after our experience with Michael and the wounds were still fresh. She was a great example to me (still is) and the reason my mom, Jer and I went and got our booster shots before having Tiny Man. Read up on it and got get vaccinated yourself! It saves lives.

Caramel Apple Crisp

2011-11-01T21:33:00.000-07:00

Well November sure started off here with a bang. It was freezing cold today and I believe there were even a few snow flurries here and there. We are so glad it decided to come today rather than last night while we were trying to collect our goodies from the neighbors. When it's cold outside I always like having some sort of warm treat in the evenings to help me wind down from the day. Tonight we had left over apple crisp and it hit the spot.

Last year I posted a recipe for Caramel Apple Crisp for Two. It is still a favorite of ours, but I hadn't made it in a while. When I found out we were going to be with family for Halloween I knew I wanted to use up some of the apples my mother-in-law sent home with us last weekend. So, I quadrupled the recipe for a bigger group and we all enjoyed it after a fun night of trick-or-treating.

Enjoy!

Caramel Apple Crisp

Ingredients:

5 medium size apples
1/2 c. flour
1 c. brown sugar
1/2 c. butter
1 c. oats
1 tsp. cinnamon
3 to 4 heaping tablespoons caramel topping (we prefer Mrs. Richardson's Butterscotch Caramel topping, but I didn't have it this last time and Hershey's caramel turned out just as great).
whipping cream or Ice Cream (optional)

Instructions:

Place apple slices in greased baking dish. Spoon caramel topping over the apples. In a bowl, combine flour and brown sugar; cut in butter until mixture resembles coarse crumbs. Add oats and cinnamon. Sprinkle over apple slices and caramel.

Bake, uncovered, at 350° for 30-35 minutes or until tender. Serve with whipped cream or ice cream if desired.

A knight, his (walking) dragon and a princess.

2011-10-31T21:11:00.000-07:00

I love unsuccessful pictures of kids. They really are my favorite. Tiny Man was determined to get Little Guy's Halloween bucket and cute Stella was looking at her mom and dad who were trying to get her to smile. We had a very happy Halloween with family (including grandmas!) complete with homemade chili and homemade root beer as well as way too many goodies.

My favorite part of the night was Little Guy saying "I'm a KNIGHT for Halloween" to everyone who answered the door, dropping his helmet at every single house, and giving us all a status update on how much candy was in his bucket. I loved watching his excitement. I also loved how squishy my Tiny Man was in that dragon costume. He had the nerve to take his first steps today, if you can believe it, and I am trying to figure out how my newborn baby became a toddler so dang fast. It's equally depressing as it is exciting. Good thing I have a bucket of chocolate sitting near by.

Or maybe that's not such a good thing. The verdict is still out on that one.

Happy Halloween!

It is done.

2011-10-26T11:37:00.001-07:00

One of the first and last pictures of our family outside our home in Idaho Falls.

There really isn't a better word to describe this past weekend than busy. We have been living in Utah for the past week while all of our stuff was still in Idaho. On Friday we loaded up the car (again) and met up with Jer's family in Burley, Idaho. It was confirmed (yet again) that Tiny Man absolutely despises the car. The poor kid just can't catch a break! This past month we have put more miles on our cars than in the entire year combined. Okay so maybe that's an exaggeration, but probably not. We only had about ten miles to go when Tiny just went ballistic. We pulled over and took a short break before all of us went insane. Once we arrived at the in-laws he was happy as a clam. The stinker.

Saturday morning we had family pictures with the whole gang. Most of the eight grandkids were cooperative and things went rather smoothly. They were the very first family pictures Jer and I have ever done in our six years of marriage. I'm anxious to see how they turn out.

Saturday afternoon we hung out and played with cousins, said our goodbyes and headed off to Idaho Falls. By some miracle Tiny Man actually slept for about thirty minutes during the trip making it much more pleasant than the last. Sunday we were able to go to church one last time for goodbyes and I was able to see the primary kids practice the program I wrote weeks ago. I'm sad I won't be there for it next weekend! The kids did a great job and hopefully all goes well. Some dear friends, the Eskelson's, dropped by later that evening for one last goodbye. They have been so good to us and Little Guy just adores them!

Monday we had movers show up at our place at 8:30 AM. They were done packing all of our belongings by noon... those guys work fast I tell you what. While they were packing Jer and I were cleaning and gathering things that we will need for the next three weeks into our car. We will basically be living out of suit cases for a month while our stuff is in storage. It could get interesting!

We checked out of our place and turned over the keys and were on the road back to Utah by 4:00 PM. It was an insane day and we are so grateful to our dear neighbor Julie for watching Little Guy and to both of my grandma's for watching the boys as well. We truly couldn't have done it without them! To top things off, my sweet relief society president popped by with a huge bucket full of food to feed us and the movers. She has been there for us so many times these past years and will especially always have a dear place in my heart for all she did for us during the loss of Michael.

There were plenty of tears shed during our goodbyes and now I am sitting here in my pajamas two days later. I am pooped physically, emotionally and mentally and quite frankly I am not allowing the reality of it all sink in quite yet. Little Guy is so excited for Halloween and we are looking forward to spending the evening with family (one of the new perks to living where we do now).

Here is to a new adventure!

Because some days I just need a good laugh.

2011-10-25T15:54:00.000-07:00

Please tell me this made you laugh as much as it did me. We have been quoting it all weekend. Episode 2 is my favorite, but 3 and 4 are pretty hilarious as well. Enjoy and let me know if it made you laugh. :)

p.s. the serious/real preview to the show is almost as good as these spoofs. could this really have been a show that people watched?! be sure to check it out as well.

Times like these...

2011-10-19T12:06:00.000-07:00

Tiny Man during some morning snuggle time.

... make my heart melt.

... make me grateful to be a mommy.

... remind me of how powerful love (especially a mother's) truly is.

... tell me to slow down and pay attention.

... make me wish they didn't grow up so fast.

... allow me to recommit to cherish every moment.

Times like these are my very favorite.

We heart Idaho.

2011-10-18T09:15:00.000-07:00

Oh Idaho how we love you and are going to miss you!

Idaho is where we met, married and started a family together. It is where all of our first family memories were made. It is where we lived and learned. We experienced the joy of holding a new baby in our arms (twice) and unfortunately the devastating sadness of burying a baby. We made lifelong friends and came to the realization that even if you aren't related to someone they can still be family. We loved the slow and steady lifestyle that exists there and used it to our every advantage. We explored our surroundings, taught Little Guy (the little bit we know) about farming, visited my grandma's, played with friends and cousins, ate at Puerto Vallarta (which happens to be the best mexican food around) and the Snake Bite, shopped at the local farmer's market, drove to see the windmills, visited Michael, lived blocks away from Target, grew to love our neighborhood and ward members, discovered new parks, and just plain enjoyed life. Idaho was good to us and will forever have a special place in our hearts.

We made it here to Utah Saturday evening. Our first meal gave me food poisoning (no thanks to Zupas...) and I was out of commission while Jer unloaded the cars, got the boys in bed and went grocery shopping. He is a real life super man I tell ya. I love that man.

We spent Sunday morning and afternoon recuperating and going to church. Sunday evening my brother and his cute wife had us over for dinner. My sister and her husband were there as well. It is going to be so much fun being close to all of them. That is definitely one of the pros of this move. The cons of course are the people we will no longer be close to back in Idaho! It was very hard saying our goodbyes and the only consolation we had is that we would be seeing them again this weekend.

We are currently looking for a home as we are temporarily here in a furnished apartment. I always knew buying a home would be a daunting task, but I never thought it would be so emotionally draining on top of it all. Wish us luck. I am sure it will be hit and miss on the blog the next few weeks!

I believe this calls for a cup of hot chocolate.

2011-10-06T10:52:00.000-07:00

This is a live action shot of Little Guy shoveling the back porch. He is in heaven. I, on the other hand, realized that this may be the last time I have to experience snow during the first part of October. And that, my friends, made me smile.

p.s. the snow is still coming down strong and the milk is warming up for some hot chocolate.

For the emotional eater in me.

2011-10-04T09:32:00.000-07:00

{via pinterest}

Case in point:

I should be packing, organizing and cleaning right now. Instead? Well, instead I am eating a piece of pie and writing this post. Today is Little Guy's last day at his preschool here. I swear it was just last month that he had his first day. Oh wait, that's because it was just last month. We have four and a half more days left before we move our entire lives to a new, big, intimidating place. I most likely won't get to say goodbye to even half of the people I would like to. It's all happened so incredibly fast and yet it took so long to finally come about. We feel so blessed for this opportunity and I am determined to embrace this change despite how hard it may be. I am going to pack up my things with a smile on my face and gratitude in my heart.

But first I'm going to finish my pie.

Four.

2011-10-02T07:05:00.000-07:00

Little Guy just one day old.

Four years ago today you were born. Seriously? I swear it hasn't been a year already since you turned three. You are my first for everything, including the realization of how incredibly fast you grow up. It's really not fair to me, let's be honest. One day I am holding your warm little body against mine closing your tiny hand around my finger and the next day I am dropping you off at preschool and laughing at the funny things you say.

You are cautious yet curious. You are my sweetheart who is always concerned about whether I am happy or sad. You love to make your dad and I laugh and accomplish this daily by whipping out some of your awesome dance moves. You have a wild imagination (along with a pretend friend, Mee-goo) and I love watching your mind work. You love to read books, build blocks, put puzzles together, ride your tricycle, play with your little brother and go to school. You also love cheese and anything bread related. You share my cookie dough obsession. You are incredibly smart and surprise us each and every day with the things you have learned. You are an observer and learn a lot from what you observe from the things around you.

Happy birthday, Little Guy. Thanks for making my days brighter, my nights longer and my world more complete. I love you so much! Now, please stop growing.

Little Guy a few days shy of being four in California.

p.s. we always love that we get to celebrate Little Guy's birthday by watching our church's general conference either on or around his birthday. yesterday was amazing and I'm pretty sure each and every talk was given just for me. funny how it always works out that way. tune in today, it's going to be just as awesome.

My 500th Post

2011-09-28T12:07:00.000-07:00

Jer with Little Guy on the Mark Twain boat at Disneyland.

Truth be told I could have told you this news in the last post but I thought it would be fun to save it for my 500th post. You know, since reporting about my latest cookie dough binge isn't as exciting. Here's the big news.

On our way down to southern California Jer stopped in Utah for a job interview. Things looked pretty promising and they told us we would know if he got the job by the end of the next week. This meant we were basically sitting on pins and needles for the first half of our vacation. It was pretty much the only thing Jer thought about for those first few days. He received a few calls from the company's HR department asking him some questions about relocation (which was a huge hint that he got the job) and finally on Thursday he was presented with an offer. He accepted and now we are getting ready to move to Utah in less than 10 days!

I am heartbroken and excited all at the same time. I have lived in Idaho ever since I was eight years old and it is my comfort zone. It is where my grandma's, in-laws, cousins, friends and neighbors are who I will miss terribly. It will be a gargantuan change in our lives and we are going to miss this place like crazy. I sort of feel like I am just running on a treadmill getting no where with all the things that need to get done. I just don't even know where to start.

Even though it is sad to leave, I am excited for this new chapter to begin in our lives and feel blessed that we are finally able to move forward!

p.s. we have a house hunting trip planned between now and our move date and I could really use any suggestions on an awesome place to live in Utah County.

1,886 miles later...

2011-09-27T16:12:00.000-07:00

We just returned from a dream vacation. The week contained a lot of driving and very little sleep but a ton of fun. We packed up the car and drove our little family to my parents house where we met up with the rest of my family and we all took off toward the California coast for a week.

We stayed in a house that was right on the beach, watched dolphins swim while we ate our breakfast each morning, made sand castles and tunnels, took long walks on the beach, went to Disneyland where Little Guy met the big mouse himself, shopped until we literally dropped, laughed until we cried, watched incredible glow in the dark waves, saw a seal swim up to the beach and take a rest, built a fire and roasted mallows by the ocean, and ate some dang good tacos. I am still trying to figure out if it was all real or just a dream.

I have been folding laundry all day today. It's crazy how many clothes one little family can go through in a week and a half. I have gained a greater sense of gratitude to my parents and all the vacations they took us on when we were little. They are a lot of work for the adults, but they make lasting memories and are worth every single ounce of work.

p.s. while on vacation we found out some news that is sure to change our lives in a big way. I plan on sharing it very soon.

At long last.

2011-09-12T19:22:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago I was having "one of those days". I was going crazy and needed to get out of the house so I drove up to the cemetery where Michael is buried with my two boys buckled in the car. I went with the hope that I would find his marker in the ground, knowing it was around the time the monument place said it would be installed. I had been a couple times before only to find the same plot of grass that had been there when we buried him. However, that day as I pulled up to his little spot in the world this is what I saw:

I was flooded with every emotion imaginable. Tears came to my eyes and I couldn't speak. Little Guy asked me what was wrong and all I could do was point at the picture on the headstone. He said, "Aww, is that baby Michael with Jesus?" I replied with a nod of my head. To which he said, "Ohh, that's so sweet." Whether my tears were tears of joy or tears of sadness is still in question because at that moment I felt both emotions simultaneously. I immediately called Jer and told him to meet us at the cemetery. I knew he was almost off work and couldn't wait for him to come and see it. We had waited far too long for this day, the day when the spot where our sweet son lays was finally marked.

We spent a while that evening in the cemetery, remembering the past and cherishing the present with our sweet little boys. Realizing, once again, how blessed we are to have these sweet spirits in our lives. We are so grateful that our family is forever and that Michael truly is eternally ours.

A side note: Michael is buried with my Grandpa. They were able to share a plot since Michael was so very tiny. It warms my heart that they are in the same spot and we are so grateful it worked out the way that it did! The arrow in the above picture shows where his headstone was placed with my grandpa's.

Always Remember

2011-09-11T07:47:00.000-07:00

I was a sophomore getting ready for school when I heard something on the radio that caused me to turn on the news. My brother and I watched replays of the first airplane that hit and saw the horror stricken people fleeing the scene. At that point we just thought it was an accident. We went to school where we found out about the other planes. Our teachers had the news on and all scheduled lessons were postponed as we watched our country being attacked. I will never forget the feeling of sorrow and fear that my classmates and I shared that day and the days to follow.

On this, the 10th anniversary, my thoughts and prayers still go out to all those who had to live through this terrible nightmare and are living with the after effects. The thing I remember more than the fear is the realization that life is precious and it is so important to cherish and make the best out of every moment we have with the people we love. I am so grateful and proud to live in this great nation!

p.s. if you get a chance sometime today, you are going to want to watch this. the Mormon Tabernacle Choir + the Orchestra at Temple Square + Tom Brokaw = awesome.