Blue's Blog

Would look lovely in the parlour

noreply@blogger.com (MrsEvilGenius) — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 12:35:00 +0000

Why do I not already own one of these? They are ADORABLE! Blue's Blog Seal of Approval!

Although I will confess that I was a teensy bit disappointed to learn that the actual penis is knitted/crocheted and not some substance that's washable, durable ... erm *koff* useable.

Linky love to Craftastrophe for this!

The quest for naked tattooed old men!

noreply@blogger.com (MrsEvilGenius) — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 11:42:00 +0000

FINALLY! I found him.

I've been hunting all over the interwebz this fine Sunday morning for a picture of The Naked Man of Barcelona after seeing him on one of my fave humour sites: Ugliest Tattoos.

Oh, I could find tonnes of pics that had all the naughty bits blocked out by prudes, (people who are embarrassed by the human body, suck. Sorry, but it's just true.) but none of the old tattooed fart in full glory.

I just HAD to see.

Well here he is:

I am purposely only showing a side view here to intrigue you. Go see the whole show of the tattoed naked man of Barcelona here via the (quite wonderful) photography of La Vie En Gris. You get multiple views including a few full frontal ones.

Grampa is HUNG! LOL!

Actually, a lot of his impressive length is saggy, baggy old foreskin drooping down. If you look closely ...(what? I enjoy looking closely at penises. Gal's gotta have a hobby.) anyway, if you look closely you can see where it appears to have a bend in it. That's the head, and the rest is elongated foreskin.

Y'all know my personal preference for circumscised willies and this seems like a great reason to do it. It must be hard to keep all that ... excess flesh clean. And Gramma doesn't want to have all that mess impeding the progress of a good blowjob! I'm just sayin'

Horniculture ... erm, horticulture!

noreply@blogger.com (MrsEvilGenius) — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 11:43:00 +0000

Now this is MY kinda landscaping:

(Thanks to the hilarious Picture is Unrelated website)

Don't tell me I never gave you any beauty advice!

noreply@blogger.com (MrsEvilGenius) — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 19:46:00 +0000

see more Engrish

THIS!

noreply@blogger.com (MrsEvilGenius) — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 14:08:00 +0000

Bye, guys. :(

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Two works of art!

noreply@blogger.com (MrsEvilGenius) — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 17:45:00 +0000

Penis chandelier! WIN!

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It's a butterfly! It's two chicks lavishing love on a penis! It's a Penisfly!

(Via Ugliest Tattoos, an awesome new website, BTW.)

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Yes, I'm fucking old.

noreply@blogger.com (MrsEvilGenius) — Fri, 15 May 2009 13:28:00 +0000

I fucking LOVE this:

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I assume this is casting from the new film (which I haven't fucking seen yet, damn all of you who have).

I've always like Ryder. And, while I'm talking about it, how the fuck cum she rocks that short hair style, looking all cute and hip, and when mine was short I just looked like a gaunt, flabby, old MAN?

*sigh*

Hygiene product WIN!

noreply@blogger.com (MrsEvilGenius) — Fri, 08 May 2009 14:10:00 +0000

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Must get some of this for Bodog. I'll bet he'd even let me help wash those suckers for him! Mmmm ... nuthin' like a sweet-smelling ballsack.

Does anyone have the proper translation for this?

I'm coming up with "egg-shampoo for men of the best age" (???)

I wonder why they'd use 'egg' instead of 'testicles'? Perhaps it's such a common slang term in German (like huevos in Spanish)?

Best crafty shit EVAR!

noreply@blogger.com (MrsEvilGenius) — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 16:32:00 +0000

OK, I am addicted to this craft site.

Bwahahahahah!

I'm a fine artist, crafter, and graphic designer (more of some and less of others *koff*funny t-shirts*koff*) and so I am kinda into all things creative. But, I must admit that, while I acknowledge the skill and talent that goes into many crafts that my online mates Tweet or blog, a lot of them leave me cold.

Cutesy wootsy just doesn't do it for me.

Then I found Craftastrophy.

Monkeys give me the screaming creeps, and monkey toys - articularly sock monkeys - make me retch. Then I met Mr Johnson:

What a swell pal! (and a nice package!)

bored, bored, bor--- ohh ... teh internetz!

noreply@blogger.com (MrsEvilGenius) — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 23:09:00 +0000

Fuck. I got nuthin' for ya.

I'm just sitting here Twittering and imagining me, Dane Cook, and Zachary Quinto in a sweaty, writhing threesome.

Can U say NOM?

*drool*

Do you think Zach would let me call him Sylar (as in "Oh, god, Sylar! Oh ... god!")? I'll bet Cook would let me call him whatever I fucking wanted, LOL!

What? Bodog is away and I'm bored. All chores and no penis makes Blue a baaaaaaaad girl.

*v. evil grin*

EDITED to add: Dane has shaved his goody trial for that pic, hasn't he? That just blows. I love a nice goody trail on a bloke. Zach's is positively perfect ...

*pauses to get hold of self*

*ahem* ANYway, just wanted to say: sucks to the shaving. I likes me some fuzzy. If you're Wookie-esque then trim, but otherwise, let me see a bit of fur, man.

Blue's annual St. Patrick's Day Rant

noreply@blogger.com (MrsEvilGenius) — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 13:37:00 +0000

I don't have a bit of Irish in me (If we were talkin' Denis Leary or Dylan Moran then I'd LIKE some Irish in me. Heh.) but I have a passion for History and a raging hard-on over Grammar and that has blended into an absolutely blinding fuck fury over the now common idiotic fuck debacle that is "St. PaTTy's Day".

Fuck, no!

Lemme say it again; FU-HUCK NO!

Right, pay attention. I'll type slowly. The saint's name was PADRAIG. That's "Patrick" in Irish. He's a fucking Irish saint. The proper diminutive of PADRAIG is PADDY.

Pee. Ae. DEE. DEE. Wye. PaDDy. Say it with me: "PADDY".

Here's the St. Patrick's Day Wikipedia site if you don't believe me.

So DON'T tell me that it's 'Patty' because his name is 'Patrick'. Use your fucking head. I don't know of ANY adult male Irish American who would cotton to being called "Patty" (yes, they are pronounced differently, doltard). As a matter of fact he'd probably come across yer arse w' his shillelagh (or would YOU write "she-lay-lay"?)

DON'T tell me it's "the American version". No, dumbarse. That's saying that we Americans are too STUPID to know it's St Paddy. NOT true. Do we call 'Cinco de Mayo' the "Fifth of May-o"? No we don't. It's a fucking Spanish-language holiday, we write and (hopefully) pronounce it correctly in Spanish.

Oh, and DON'T fucking tell me (as some arsewad did) that writing Paddy would be celebrating Irish racial insult day. Do what? Didn't that go out about 1940? Should we also not call any Irish American "Mick" if his name is Michael cuz that's an insult too? Fuck off. Lame argument.

Conclusion: Folks who write St. PaTTy's Day are ignorant. Sorry, it's true. Folks who know the correct form and still use the wrong one probably spell "voila" as "wa-lah!" and should have their carbon recycled so the rest of us can use it.

For next year, here's a shirt for you lovely folks who know it's St. Paddy's Day:

-----

Whilst I'm sat here on my fat arse bitching, let me ask: what the shiny Blue Fuck is THIS shit? Sci Fi channel changing it's name to SyFy? What dumb cunt of a PR guru thought of this shit? This is just fucking TWIGI!

I mean, it looks dopey as hell and screams "ignorant" as loudly as seeing that kid in the forum whose nick is PrincezzRavynFaerie or HaxxorzzGod. Also, why fuck change it if there's nothing wrong with it?

Is this the new trend like the fucking baby name ass-hattery currently going on? "Oh, it's pronounced just like 'Kennedy' but we spell it 'Kinnydeigh' so she would be unique." Well guess what, Jane, you ignorant slut? Ignoring the fact that your child is already unique, your wee princess is gonna hate your dumb arse in years to come as she will have to spell and re-spell her name all her fucking LIFE. Not to mention that in every class for her entire education her name will be called identically to 7 other poor little girls-with-boys-names shits whose moms thought a name in the top 25 most popular baby names would be "cute".

Right. I got toally off topic there, didn't I? Must calm down. Perhaps I'll drink a wee bit o' JD in celebration of what a friend of mine on Twitter calls "National Get Drunk and Party Day".

And to end on a fucking good note; for those of us who like a bit of thrust *ahem* is this not fucking awesome or WHAT? Srsly, my breath catches in my throat just looking at it.

(Via Twitter credits given as: NASA/Rusty Backer, George Roberts)

In case you're bored here's more snarky, funny St. Patrick's Day t-shirts, and science geek / science teacher tees.

EDITED to add: Blimey, but I'd love someone famous like Denis Leary, Dylan Moran, or, oh, Conan O'Brian to grab this topic (and maybe even this blog post EeeEE!) and tell America on AIR how ignorant saying/spelling St. Patty's Day is. Get yer (intelligent) Irish on!

Happy steak and a blow job day!

noreply@blogger.com (MrsEvilGenius) — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 13:30:00 +0000

It's March 14th! Steak and a Blow Job Day!

Valentine's day is for guys to show their gals how much they love them. Everybody knows that. But what about the blokes?

(Leaving off the obvious: that women spend 365 days a year cooking that special food you love; cleaning your house; washing, folding and putting away your laundry; worrying about your health and how fast you drive; and patiently listening to you vent about your day, your boss, and politicians and/or sport figures. Plus, all that time, probably holding down a job ourselves, having sex (with you), and perhaps even raising your children. But I'm not gonna mention any of that.)

Well, today's their day! It's Steak and a Blow Job Day;

So, as I love both steak and sausage, this makes today one of my v. fave holidays!

So, go give your guy hummer. Maybe he'll actually manage to drop his underpants IN the hamper rather than a foot and a half away.

Nahh, I don't have much hope of that, either.

Today's funny

noreply@blogger.com (MrsEvilGenius) — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 13:56:00 +0000

I would LOVE to have this sign in my house. This made me LOL. :D

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Holy Bouncing Boobies Batman!

noreply@blogger.com (MrsEvilGenius) — Sun, 25 Jan 2009 11:10:00 +0000

The Bounceometer.

Go on, you know you wanna click it.

It's funny but also a bit painful to watch if you're a boob owner. I srsly need one of these.

(For the record and the general information of teh internets, Blue's bra size is 38DD)

Fountain of joy!

noreply@blogger.com (MrsEvilGenius) — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 12:56:00 +0000

I WANT ONE!

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Hahahahahahah!

lolstupidz

noreply@blogger.com (MrsEvilGenius) — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 12:59:00 +0000

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Hey, did ya ever think that maybe it's not supposed to be "Diva Gina"?

Perhaps she IS "D'vagina". The one and only vagina! The top cootch! The pussy princess! Le snatch! (le meilleur vagin?)

OK ... now I'm making myself laugh.

Protect your local sex dolls!

noreply@blogger.com (MrsEvilGenius) — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 13:09:00 +0000

OK, this just made me fucking laugh - Australian man breaks into adult shop to have sex with blow-up dolls.

"SYDNEY (Reuters) – An Australian man broke into three adult shops, had sex with blow up dolls named "Jungle Jane" and then dumped his plastic conquests in a nearby alley, local media reported on Wednesday.

"It's totally bizarre. It's a real concern that someone like that is out on the street," said one of the owners of the adult sex shops in Cairns in northern Queensland state.

"He has been taking the dolls out the back and blowing them up and using the dolls and leaving them in the alley," the owner, who gave the name of Vogue, told the Cairns Post newspaper (www.cairnspost.com.au).

Police told the Cairns Post that scientific officers had taken DNA samples, fingerprints and pictures of the crime scene."

Say, isn't the phrase "adult sex shops" redundant?

HamPenis = Happiness?

noreply@blogger.com (MrsEvilGenius) — Sat, 27 Dec 2008 20:44:00 +0000

Alternate title: "Does Blue have the 'nads to post this on her Diet Blog?" (NOT!)

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Ham fail? I think not! This is a Ham Epic Win!

It would totally fuck my diet though. I'd eat every piece in one sitting.

Mmmm, penis. NOM!

RIP Eartha Kitt

noreply@blogger.com (MrsEvilGenius) — Fri, 26 Dec 2008 11:42:00 +0000

Bodog lamented last night: "Why are all the hotties dyin'?"

Cuz they don't make women like this anymore:

THAT is sexy right thurr.

Also, for the record, Yzma is one of my very fave Disney characters EVAR. Yzma rawks!

"That is the last time we take directions from a squirrel"

Best fucking lolceleb evar?

noreply@blogger.com (MrsEvilGenius) — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 15:20:00 +0000

Via icanhascheezburger.com's roflrazzi.com

ZOMG! Hahahahahahahah!

RIP Majel Barrett

noreply@blogger.com (MrsEvilGenius) — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 10:02:00 +0000

Majel Barrett has died at 76.

As Nurse Chapel, she stirred the hearts, minds, and trousers of many a lad of that generation:

As Lwaxanna Troi she showed us how a woman can be strong (and weak) and still smart and sexy at "a certain age".

But most of all we'll remember her as the voice of the ship; the smooth, cool, sensuous, voice of the starship Enterprise.

Good luck on that Final Voyage, Majel. We will miss you. :(

kids say the ...

noreply@blogger.com (MrsEvilGenius) — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 17:06:00 +0000

I just had to share this:

I've been working in my library, putting up shelves and organising books, and my middle son, aged 3 1/2 years, wanders in and exclaims; "Momma, you gots TWO screwers!"

My first thought, was, of course: "COOL! Daddy and Zachary Quinto?"

Then I looked where he was pointing.

"Oh, no, baby, those are screwdrivers."

ROTFLMFAO

R.I.P. Bettie Page

noreply@blogger.com (MrsEvilGenius) — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 14:07:00 +0000

1950's pin-up queen Bettie Page has died. She was an uninhibited inspiration.

Bye, Bettie, Xmas won't be the same without you. :(

Wow, look at that moon!

noreply@blogger.com (MrsEvilGenius) — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 11:44:00 +0000

Finally. A news story I can fucking get behind:

Total sexism that they didn't make the male arse the center of the shot! It does look nice, though. But, srsly, I'd have to get my hands on it to really tell. I like a man's arse to have some 'give'. I like a juicy, malleable arse cheek. Two buttocks like boulders might appeal to some, but not me.

For comparison, here are some more: the sporting backsides in the wild:

The whimsical bum:

The patriotic arse - oh what a happy, happy flag:

And,IMHO, one of the pemier buttockular regions in all of Hollywood *drooooool*

Now THAT'S a juicy grippable arse!

Unbelievable voter stupidity

noreply@blogger.com (MrsEvilGenius) — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 12:38:00 +0000

What the Blue Fuck?

This is like those stupid fucks who vote straight ticket. NO! Actually find out what folks think and how well they will represent you before you vote.

What sort of person would vote for someone because he was black or a woman or from his hometown or gay or of the same religion? Just because Hillary Clinton (or Sarah Palin for that matter) have pussies, doesn't mean they can represent me, person-with-cootch, properly. As a matter of fact, neither of those pussy-bearing bitches can speak for me, subsequently I'd never fucking vote for either of them.

They may have had similar life experiences as me, but that doesn't make them automatic representatives.

Did I say FUCK?