Steph Bowe's Hey! Teenager of the Year

On what literature is really about, and being a "serious" writer

noreply@blogger.com (Steph Bowe) — Thu, 23 May 2013 02:10:00 +0000

Literary snobs annoy me. They annoy me a lot.

I tire of the idea that the only "serious" writers are the ones writing literary fiction.

I tire of the idea that I am less real as a writer or work less hard or am somehow less important because I write books for teenagers.

And I think it is absolutely absurd when people say things like "That isn't what literature is about."

Like, the only stories of worth have to examine the human condition and be about death and some middle-class white bloke wandering about doing nothing for four hundred pages (as written by some narcissistic middle-class white bloke).

About 90% of the time when I read a critically-acclaimed, award-winning novel I am just baffled. (Generally of the books-for-adults variety. I usually like the YA award winners.)

A great deal of literary fiction seems to be about literary fiction which, to me, is very odd. It's like an entire genre of in-jokes.

I dislike the idea that all the important stories must be depressing. I think that literature can and should be about a lot of things. Entertainment and comfort and whatever it is the reader wants out of it. I don't know, I think there's enough depressing in the real world without every novel of "value" (how do we ascribe this value? how does this work?) being so incredibly depressing.

I think the idea of "serious" and "non-serious" writers is stupidly linear. (Maybe I should add "unserious writer" to my bio. I'm not sure I could ever be, or be considered, a "serious" writer.) I am, however, very uncool and not really part of any literary scene and likely not a future award-winner, so perhaps I am not the best person to listen to.

To sum up:
1. I have forgotten how to write blog posts.
2. People who talk about "serious" fiction are irritating.
3. Lots of novels are important and have value and bring people joy and make them think! Stories, I love them all! Stop acting like your genre is by default superior to mine!

Life in Outer Space by Melissa Keil

noreply@blogger.com (Steph Bowe) — Tue, 21 May 2013 10:05:00 +0000

The first novel published through Hardie Grant Egmont's new Ampersand Project, an imprint dedicated to debut YA novels, Life In Outer Space is just the loveliest. As a result, I am very much looking forward to what the Ampersand Project discovers next.

Reminiscent of Six Impossible Things by Fiona Wood in terms of adorable romance (and a little bit Shirley Marr's Preloved too), Life In Outer Space is just nice, you know? I don't know how to express this properly (if we could mind-meld you'd get it - how much easier everything would be if we could mind-meld), but sometimes I tire of all the edgy, and the gritty, and the ever-present overly masculine and borderline-disturbing love interest (I mean, really) and I just want to read a novel with people I can relate to in it. It's like a YA novel version of a rom-com with all these socially awkward nerdy kids in it (who are actually really cool and awesome, despite their professed geekiness).

It's funny and endearing and chock full of movie references (do you think I've used the phrase 'chock full' on this blog before?) and there's a little bit of World of Warcraft in there, too. It's not groundbreaking - just boy-meets-girl, boy-is-socially-awkward, boy-eventually-realises-he-loves-girl but it's so darn nice/adorably funny. I love Camilla myself, and I also love Melissa Keil and I'd quite like it if another Keil novel were published very soon (why must it take so long for books to be written? Again, mind-melds, they'd be handy).

Here it is on Goodreads, should you care for a blurb or a second opinion.

New Adult, you confuse me

noreply@blogger.com (Steph Bowe) — Sun, 28 Apr 2013 23:28:00 +0000

People I know are on about New Adult now as if it is an actual genre (remember 2009 when everyone thought it was ridiculous?). Look, it has a Wikipedia page. I am not sure anyone who is a non-writer/non-publishing person is aware of New Adult's so-called existence but maybe in five years time this will not be the case. Also I am in the target market for this Brand New Unique Concept Genre (totally not already in existence under the umbrella of Fiction or Romance), so I have thoughts on the topic.

Here are the things that do not make sense to me about New Adult as a genre:
A: University-aged kids do not have copious amounts of time on their hands in which to read, irrespective of whether they're studying or just in full-time work for the first time.

B: 'New Adults' also don't have copious amounts of money to spend on books. Parents buy their teenagers books. I am not sure they buy their adult children books as much.

C: I mean, let's be honest with ourselves, middle-aged women are just going to hijack it anyway, Twilight-style. Is it just paranormal romance minus the paranormal? You can tell me the truth.

D: Isn't it just fiction, people?

E: I don't really get the need to subdivide every novel into a variety of smaller and smaller pigeon-holes until you end up with speculative dystopic urban fantasy romantic suspense chick-lit novellas. But then again I am not very marketing-minded so maybe this is necessary.

F: Seriously. This genre already exists. Fiction. That is what it is called.

G: People are describing it as 'sexed-up' YA ('sexed-up' is such an unpleasant phrase, I mean, really) which makes me wonder if it's actually just romance. It seems to be very tailored towards female readers.

H: Every New Adult book I have read about seems to be very reminiscent of Fifty Shades of Grey. And you know how I feel about that.

Destroying the Joint: Why Women Have to Change the World

noreply@blogger.com (Steph Bowe) — Fri, 26 Apr 2013 11:23:00 +0000

A fabulously provocative collection by women ready to destroy the joint.

Early in September 2012, commentator Alan Jones, responding to a comment by Prime Minister Julia Gillard, said: ‘She [Gillard] said that we know societies only reach their full potential if women are politically participating. Women are destroying the joint – Christine Nixon in Melbourne, Clover Moore here. Honestly.’

The twitterverse exploded with passionate, disbelieving and hilarious responses, and now here in Destroying the Joint women reply to this comment and the broader issues of sexism and misogyny in our culture. With Jane Caro editing, this entertaining and thought-provoking collection consists of essays, analysis, memoir, fiction and more, from:

Penny Wong, Christine Milne, Tara Moss, Corinne Grant, Clementine Ford, Carmen Lawrence, Wendy Harmer, Catherine Deveny, Steph Bowe, Emily Maguire, Leslie Cannold, Stella Young, Monica Dux, Catherine Fox, Nina Funnell, Susan Johnson, Jennifer Mills, Michelle Law, Melissa Lucashenko, Krissy Kneen, Paula McDonald, Abby Cathcart, Dannielle Miller, Jenna Price, Lily Edelstein, Jill Tomlinson, Yvette Vignando

I have an essay in the collection (titled Joint Destroyer, Born and Raised - not my title because I am terrible at titles, but I quite like it) and I've been feeling rather humbled and very lucky to have my piece published alongside the writings of so many amazing, intelligent women.

I'll be at the Brisbane launch at Avid Reader on May 8th - if you go along, do say hi!

You can read a few extracts online: Corinne Grant at The Hoopla, Carmen Lawrence at The Conversation, Leslie Cannold at Crikey, and Catherine Fox at Women's Agenda. And here it is on UQP's website.

Do you need Life Experience in order to write?

noreply@blogger.com (Steph Bowe) — Mon, 22 Apr 2013 03:01:00 +0000

I think about Life Experience (with capitals, yes) more than I probably should. This is the trouble with being a writer. You're always thinking about stuff, rather than actually doing anything.

It worries me that young people (young writers specifically because young writers are my people) are consistently being told that their opinions are invalid, or, in the case of young writers, that they cannot write, and that their stories are not of value because of their youth. That they need Life Experience. And this assumes a great deal about young people, and doesn't take into consideration the extraordinary diversity of human experiences. I think as a rule people assume to much about other people's lives. Who is to say young people don't have valuable stories to tell and opinions to share?

I think young people having respect for adults and knowing that they still have a lot to learn is incredibly, incredibly important, but I don't think learning from your elders and being able to share your own opinions are mutually exclusive. I think we build a more respectful society on the whole if respect goes both ways. I think we should be encouraging young people to think critically, and to express themselves creatively.

I'm not entirely sure why this discouragement is so prevalent - I think people have this concept that if teenagers aren't constantly reminded that they are young and stupid, we'll all grow up arrogant and self-obsessed. Humans are arrogant and self-obsessed as a species, and all we can do is our best on an individual level. I think every generation of teenagers gets a reputation as the worst generation yet, and we don't need to all get so panicked about it. Putting teenagers down all the time only really makes them feel misunderstood. There is no point to discouraging creativity and imagination.

You are alive, as you read this. (I assume. Good on you, if you're a ghost who's managing to operate a computer.) You are experiencing things. Life does not automatically start randomly at the age of 18, or 30, or 65. People who are older and have had fascinating and varied experiences are not by default brilliant writers (though they would certainly have a lot of material if they chose to take it up). People can be young and have had fascinating and varied experiences already. Even if you haven't had fascinating and varied experiences, you can still write. You still have imagination. You still have a capacity for empathy. You can still learn about the world.

If you're going to write for young adults, being a young adult is an advantage. You're experiencing the things you want to write about right now. Isn't that brilliant? You know how teenagers speak and feel and think, and what concerns them. You don't have to creepily lurk outside schools and eavesdrop on conversations (I sincerely hope no actual adult YA writers do this).

If you want to write for adults, or you want to write non-fiction, why not try that? One of the many wonderful things about writing, particularly of the creative and fictional variety, is that it relies on you empathising with other people. You don't have to be old to do that. Probably children are better at empathy than anyone.

I think you can be young and write and share your opinions and be open to growth and learning. Know that your opinions may change, and that you will mature as a writer and a human. But there is no arbitrary shift between teenager and adult, I don't think. There is no point at which the Life Experience bar is entirely full and a little bell goes off and announces 'you are ready to write!' If you want to write, start now. If you deliberately set out in life in search of Experience so you can write, I don't think you will find it. The more you live, the more material you will have to write about, the more your ideas and concepts of the world, other people and yourself will form. But you don't have to wait to start writing. You will always be learning and growing and changing throughout your life (I should hope. Ask me again in fifty years). You can write and live your life at the same time, honest.

When We Wake by Karen Healey

noreply@blogger.com (Steph Bowe) — Sat, 13 Apr 2013 11:57:00 +0000

Recently I learnt, via Snopes (Snopes is really ruining urban legends. Shame on you, Snopes. Urban legends are fun), that Walt Disney was never actually cryogenically frozen, just plain old cremated. Which is unfortunate, because people being cryogenically frozen seems awesome (at least on TV, like that X-files episode where the frozen scientist was controlling his unfrozen brother in order to avenge his death) and also because when I was twelve I told everyone that Walt Disney was cryogenically frozen as if it were an absolute fact. I had no idea I was spreading an urban myth.

I bring this up because When We Wake features a protagonist who, about a century after her death, is reanimated. I started reading When We Wake expecting a fast-paced sci-fi with lots of adventure! and baddies! and futuristic weapons! Which was well and truly delivered. I think what's especially great in this novel is not the fact that it's an intense, brilliantly-plotted science fiction novel (which it is), but how incredibly authentic and thought-provoking it is. The Australia of the future described is both disconcerting and terrifying because it is very, very believable. (There are real live people who would be in favour of the fictitious 'no immigrant' policy in the novel's future Australia, which is what makes it scary.)

Tegan is an awesome protagonist, who is very, very committed to doing the right thing. (She also does free running at one point. They should turn this into a movie, or at the very least, a series. It'd be very cool. By 'they' I mean people with the money to make films. The free running bit would be great.) If you are incredibly irritated by insipid female protagonists, this novel will be refreshing. Tegan, however, can be a bit soap-boxy (that's totally an adjective, just go with it) - I think the tendency towards preachiness will turn some readers off.

Lots of excellent Beatles references. Always a good thing. I found it reminiscent of Scott Westerfeld's Uglies series. A little heavy on the romance for my liking (Sometimes it feels forced with dense, plot-driven novels, like the author think it is a vital aspect of every YA novel. 'You are on the run from shifty government authorities! How do you have time for romance?!') I loved the amount of diversity in the supporting characters, in their religions and cultures and orientations, all of whom are realistic and naturally written. Definitely worth a look if you like YA sci-fi.

When We Wake on Goodreads
When We Wake on the publisher's website

Things I would do differently if I had my teenage years again

noreply@blogger.com (Steph Bowe) — Fri, 29 Mar 2013 13:23:00 +0000

I like to think I've spent my teenage years reasonably well. I'll be twenty in ten months, which is just unfathomably old, so lucky I've got ten months to prepare myself for it (I also need a new name for this blog. This one, while based on a cool song, will no longer be age-appropriate).

I did an interview recently where I was asked if I regretted publishing my novel so young, which I hadn't really thought about before (which is surprising, because I think about everything, and with great intensity). I don't regret it - I love being a writer, I've had many brilliant experiences and learnt a lot and met wonderful people, and I don't think I was any more unready for publishing a novel at fifteen than I would be now. I'm not especially old yet, but I can imagine a 20-something novice writer Steph would find publication overwhelming, too. Almost all debut novelists would. I'm not big on regretting things because I haven't done especially many things worth regretting yet, but I am plagued by thoughts of 'how might things have worked out differently if I'd taken this opportunity/made a different decision?' I generally assume that there's not a Sliding-Doors reality going somewhere and I'm a millionaire there, because I think my current reality is pretty awesome already (and being a millionaire would stress me out).

If I had my time again, I would do it all the same, to quote Big Audio Dynamite. With some slight alterations. So, in the spirit of narcissistic blog posts everywhere, here are some things I would do differently if I had my teenage years again:

I would never behave like a ridiculous caricature of an obnoxious teenager (occasions which I like to think were pretty rare, but you'd probably have to ask my mum if you wanted the truth). If I started over I like to think I'd have more self-awareness.
I would not delude myself from the ages of thirteen to sixteen that external success directly relates to being a fulfilled and self-actualized human being.
I would not fixate quite so heavily on being smart, and proving that I was smart.
I would just let myself be a weirdo introvert. Everyone acts as if we are all supposed to be extroverted and outgoing as if that is the ideal human state, but really we do need some people to be quiet and reflective and listen. Introspection is not a bad thing, and I didn't need to feel bad for being so much in my own head, since being so much in my own head is what gives me the ability to write.
I would not spend so much time on the internet, oh my goodness. I have been so enamored with the internet for so long and in the last two years it's occurred to me that maybe the physical world is pretty awesome too, and I've been ignoring it a bit too much. I don't know, technology is a drug.
I would dress better. I picked some really terrible outfits for several years there. I continue to do so. If I'd been born any other species this wouldn't be a problem, and neither would my inability to work a keyboard properly. Unless I was a monkey that scientists were training to type and choose its own outfits. In which case I would be a very disappointing monkey.
I would not miss quite as many opportunities out of fear or anxiety or overwhelm. The whole 'you regret the things you didn't do, not the things you did do' does not seem entirely true to me - maybe when I am on my deathbed I'll stop regretting dumb things I said and problems I dealt with badly. But I do regret things I avoided doing. As much as regret is a useless emotion.
I would not have given up certain things. I could've been a prodigious musician by now, gosh! I would learn, learn, learn everything. I would read more non-fiction, perhaps, and take more classes, and learn to dance.
I would care less what people thought of me (by 'me' I mean 'me plus all of the words I write which I regard as an extension of me against my better judgement'). This includes reading reviews.
If I got to go back to being thirteen, having lived through my teenage years, knowing that I managed to avoid becoming an off-the-rails teen, am doing quite well with the writing-business, and that finishing high school was ultimately not all that difficult, I can tell you absolutely and definitively: I would stress less. But there being no unknown to fear would probably take the magic out of everything. Having never travelled back in time, I cannot tell you this for sure.

Why We Broke Up by Daniel Handler and Maira Kalman

noreply@blogger.com (Steph Bowe) — Mon, 25 Mar 2013 21:35:00 +0000

Min Green and Ed Slaterton are breaking up. Min has written a letter explaining why. She's delivering it with a box that's full of the debris of their relationship: two bottle caps, a movie ticket, a folded note, Ed's protractor, some sugar they stole, a toy truck, a pair of ugly earrings and the rest of it. Each item is illustrated and accounted for; each memory played out until the heartbreaking end. Min will dump the box on Ed's porch - but it is Ed who is being dumped. This is the story of why they broke up.

Did you know that Daniel Handler is Lemony Snicket? Daniel Handler who wrote The Basic Eight which is about teenagers but is not really a YA novel, but was filed in the YA section at my local library back in Victoria, and I started reading YA when I was about nine, so I read the Basic Eight when I probably shouldn't have? It's about murder, you guys. It really freaked me out. The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole 13 and three quarters or whatever it's called, that freaked me out, too. I was incensed! Incensed! By the amount of kissing. I would have been about ten but I was a would-be book-banner. I appreciated books with content warning labels at that age (I would perhaps like these labels now, too. I wish I hadn't read that Bret Easton Ellis novel, for one. Less Than Zero should feature a sticker that says 'unbearably stupid'). I wanted to read advanced words but not advanced subject matter, because I was an odd child (I am now an odd adult-child hybrid).

I won't judge Daniel Handler on The Basic Eight because if I read it today it would probably be a good novel. It has all the weirdness that I love now, like split personalities. Daniel Handler also plays the accordion for the Magnetic Fields, which is a band I sort of like, so good on him (tell me if this is incorrect, I'm sure I read it somewhere). I think he's friends with Neil Gaiman. There's all these famous authors that are just casually friends with other famous authors and they all just have a grand old time, I bet. I'm not casually friends with anyone famous, probably because I'm not famous myself, or casual, really.

This book, you guys, was great. The writing reminded me of Simmone Howell's, a bit, the use of adjectives especially ('beautiful amazing'), and also a little bit of David Levithan's writing though I can't tell you how. Though it's written in an entirely unique fashion, it was maybe a little too heavy on the American high school formulaic characters - edgy weirdo drama kids, skinny beautiful girlfriends of sports stars, dumb bogan sports stars - and it was maybe a little too I know what's going to happen next but of course, it's called Why We Broke Up so you know how it ends before it starts.

The pictures are gorgeous and perfect, and it's just a lovely book aesthetically. There should be more novels with drawings in them, don't you think? And I so love novels that are written as letters, a bit of second person is always a nice thing. I didn't exactly like Min (Min, I know what's going on. I know what's going on 150 pages before you do, figure it out already!), and I didn't exactly like Ed, but the writing more than made up for it. It wasn't especially plot-driven - I'm saying a lot of negative things about it, aren't I? But I actually really liked it, and I wish I could write like that. It just flowed well, like someone might really speak or write a letter, all a tumble of thought and emotion, but then also I wanted to remember exact phrases and copy them down every five seconds. So it's both easy to read and gorgeous written, genuine and raw and great. I overuse the word raw but it's a good word. How about something like 'vulnerable' instead? I suppose it's a contemp YA, but I don't know if it's technically a YA at all (The Basic Eight wasn't! Bad shelving, shelvers!). I can't think of another YA to compare it to, not exactly, and now this review is getting too long. It's sort of literary, I suppose, and the dialogue is uncomfortably believable. I read it all in one go, it's that sort of book, and I'm a restless reader lately so that's saying something.

The Midnight Dress by Karen Foxlee

noreply@blogger.com (Steph Bowe) — Sun, 24 Mar 2013 10:50:00 +0000

When a teenage girl disappears, a small town is awash with rumours: everyone is talking about the dress she wore, a midnight-blue dress made from the remnants of other dresses, a dress of stories ...

For her whole life, Rose Lovell has moved from town to town with her alcoholic father. When they wash up in a coastal sugarcane town, Rose wonders if this time it will be different.

At the local high school, Rose meets Pearl Kelly, who is popular, pretty and intent on tracking down her Russian father. When she convinces Rose to be part of the annual Harvest Parade, Rose must find a special dress for the occasion. She seeks the help of the eccentric Edie Baker, who knows all the town’s secrets and whose own family is a rich tapestry of stories. When Rose agrees to let Edie teach her to sew, she doesn’t realise that nothing will ever be the same again.

The Midnight Dress weaves an intriguing story of loss and longing to the very last page.

The Midnight Dress is not classified as a YA novel (it's a coming of age tale, really, and many literary fiction titles for a general adult audience focus on this adolescent angst without explicitly being YA), though it features teenaged protagonists. The Midnight Dress is beautifully written, slightly surreal, just exquisite. Though it didn't interest me based on the blurb, once I started reading I was entirely entranced. It's unique and lovely, but also very dark - I recommend it to older teenaged readers looking for a more literary novel as well as adult readers.

I so loved Edie's sad tales of her youth and great love, and Pearl's search for her Russian father. There really is a lot of sadness in this novel, but it's magical, too. While it works extraordinarily on a character level (every character raw and honest and sad), it's also well-constructed plot-wise. The foreshadowing and mystery are nuanced, the two alternating narratives at different points in time slowly converging, making it very difficult to stop reading until one discovers the truth. It's set in Cairns in the 1970s, and there is a lovely timeless quality to it, and the theme of loss of innocence is exaggerated by the fact that it's set in what's considered a more innocent time.

It reminded me of One Long Thread by Belinda Jeffrey, for a few reasons, namely the narrative being focused around the construction of a dress, and the influence of an elderly woman in the making of the dress (In One Long Thread it's Grandma Pearl, in The Midnight Dress it's Edie), and the magic inherent in the process. It's being published in the US this October, I believe, which is wonderful. It's a compelling and heartbreaking novel.

The Midnight Dress on the publisher's website

The various ironies of me being an author

noreply@blogger.com (Steph Bowe) — Thu, 21 Mar 2013 11:02:00 +0000

1. My handwriting is terrible. I write in cursive, in tiny letters, and not especially quickly. I can understand my writing but I have to write very slowly if I want anyone else to be able to read it. I have never quite mastered writing in a straight line, so if I write you something on an unlined page it will probably be very wonky. Someone gave me a fountain pen last year, and it feels too special to write with considering my lopsided handwriting. It's been improving since I started handwriting letters.

2. I have trouble pronouncing quite a few words, because I always want to pronounce them as they are spelt. A lot of the more complex words I know I know from reading, and as a result I have no idea how they are pronounced. I have difficulty with 'Jane Eyre', 'macabre', 'revel', 'hyperbole' and 'anarchy' among others. I do not know whether other people who read a lot and don't use especially complex words when speaking have the same issue. They probably just look up the pronunciation on the internet. Hyperbole really should be pronounced as it's spelt though. Are words spelt specifically to trick people? Damn you, English language.

3. I can never figure out what to sign novels with. I'm supposed to be good with words. That's generally a writer's job description. It's a strange thing, writing a message for someone you don't know in your own book (what am I supposed to say? 'Thank you for buying this book and killing a tree. My ego is very grateful.'?). They don't teach any short courses on this, which they should. 'How To Sign Your Own Books, For Dummies' would be very helpful.

4. I don't type properly, despite learning from a typing program as a kid (the game made disapproving noises if you didn't type fast enough. It was a great motivator). I wonder whether anyone actually types properly, with all of the fingers used on all of the right keys, or if that's a lost skill of the late 90s/early 00s (no one thinks about recently lost skills. Everyone's always on about knitting and sewing and churning butter). I only type with four fingers, and I'm wildly inaccurate but fairly speedy. 'Stewardess' is the longest word you can type with just your left hand, technically, or something like that. Am I making that up? I swear I remember reading that in a fact book.

5. I am not a grammar nazi. I feel embarassed if I use the wrong 'your' or improperly place an apostrophe, but I really don't care whether other people do. It matters to me when I'm reading a book or the newspaper or something that should be well thought-out and free of errors, but if you use the wrong 'there' on Twitter or text-speak on Facebook, I will notice but I won't care. It's not really worth the effort of getting annoyed about. I don't think we're all descending into illiteracy or that we'll communicate only in acronyms and shrugs in the future (if this does happen, you can say 'I told you so' but you'll have to find me. I'll be living in a cave on a remote mountain, having taken a vow of silence). Someone sent me a text message with a hashtag in it recently. That, however, is entirely unacceptable.

In defense of the Gold Coast

noreply@blogger.com (Steph Bowe) — Mon, 18 Mar 2013 23:23:00 +0000

About a year and a half ago I moved from the Dandenongs outside of Melbourne (where I had lived for approximately half of my life at that point; previously I had lived in Melbourne's bayside suburbs) to the Gold Coast, Queensland. This has to do with books in that my new novel is set on the Gold Coast (vaguely, with fictional areas, because it is a heightened reality), and features an armed robbery. Something which, if you are to believe the news, is apparently a constant occurrence on the Gold Coast. I think if you consult actual statistics, you'll find this is not the case.

If you're not Australian, to give you a brief overview: Melbourne is widely considered to be the most European city in Australia. I have never been to Europe so I cannot tell you if this is true. It's sophisticated and literary and everyone wears a lot of black. It's in Victoria and it's cold and gusty and rainy and sunny sometimes all in one day. Vampires would live there. Or maybe in Tasmania, I don't know.

The Gold Coast could probably be described as a 'regional centre'. It is just south of Brisbane (the state's capital city), in Queensland, which is a massive state that gets very hot at the top. People go to the Gold Coast to surf and celebrate finishing school and visit theme parks with their families. The weather's mild and consistent, there are lots of very lovely valleys and rainforests and beaches, it's clean and safe and there are lots of nice elderly people. It has much less history than Melbourne, and much less impressive buildings.*

When I tell people that I lived near Melbourne growing up, and I moved to the Gold Coast in 2011, they usually ask: "Why on earth would you do that?"**

To be honest, folks, it's a bit offensive to tell people they've moved to a rubbish place. I love the Gold Coast. Which is not to say that I didn't love Melbourne, and the town outside of Melbourne where I lived, but I don't long for it and it's dreamy architecture. People are always telling me about Melbourne's wonderful culture, and about how Queensland is devoid of it. Yes, there are bogans in Queensland. There are bogans everywhere. There's a tiny little bogan in my heart and she knows all the lyrics to Khe Sanh. But you can't compare a city to a regional area if you're talking about culture. Brisbane has plenty of it. I don't think Melbourne is inherently superior to the Gold Coast. There can be no comparison.

Are people imagining that I'm living in a high-rise in Surfers Paradise and going out clubbing every night? That my life is year-round Schoolies?*** Living on the Gold Coast and holidaying on the Gold Coast are two very different things. The majority of the Gold Coast is suburban. You can lead a nice, quiet life in a holiday destination. There are lots of families who live here permanently, really.

There is this very weird widespread idea (I hear it from Brisbanites all the time) that the Gold Coast is very, very dangerous. People legitimately think that the town is overrun with bikies and armed robbers and organised crime. If you look at QLD police statistics, you'll find the crime is actually significantly down in the last ten years. The Gold Coast is not the crime capital of Australia. It's sensationally referred to as such because the media likes to freak elderly people out and make us all fearful in order to sell newspapers. (The very irritating thing is that multiple news sites seem to contradict each other on crime rates. So there are news sources that will tell you it's very dangerous here, but they do seem to be sensationalised. I doubt there is an actual 'impending bikie war'.)

I think the fear of crime on the Gold Coast is furthered by the fact that we have a news program just for the Gold Coast, that seems to report every single bit of crime that occurs (in Melbourne, I imagine a lot of it doesn't make the news). Also, mysteriously, they never seem to leave Cavill Ave, Surfers Paradise, which is of course going to have more crime than other areas. If Channel Nine news is to be believed, that's the centre of the Gold Coast universe. I hate to think people are scared to visit or move to the Gold Coast because of ridiculous headlines. I feel just as safe here as I did in my semi-regional town outside Melbourne.

As for setting my novel on the (semi-fictional) Gold Coast, and making it feature an armed robbery - it's a nice contrast, isn't it? Sunny place, shady people? There are plenty of novels set in Melbourne. It's an easy place to romanticise, all the pretty buildings and dark weather and cool people. There are plenty of novels and TV shows and films about baddies in Melbourne. I think the GC is deserving of some love.

*They run ghost tours on the Gold Coast now, which I find very funny. You would think the Gold Coast was too young for spooky old ghosts. No one would set a paranormal romance novel here. (That can be my next novel. Vampires living on the GC.)

**Sometimes people ask me bizarre questions like 'do you miss the literary scene in Melbourne?' I do know a lot of lovely people, including writers, in Melbourne. I am not really big on 'scenes' though. (There are communities of writers on the Gold Coast and in Brisbane, too, obviously.)

***The whole concept of Schoolies baffles me - like, you've been well-behaved and worked hard throughout your schooling, so now you get to be an absolute idiot for a week as a reward? Like, good behaviour somehow earns you the right to be bad? Am I the only one to whom this seems illogical?

Girl Defective by Simmone Howell

noreply@blogger.com (Steph Bowe) — Sun, 17 Mar 2013 10:32:00 +0000

We, the Martin family, were like inverse superheroes, marked by our defects. Dad was addicted to beer and bootlegs. Gully had "social difficulties" that manifested in his wearing a pig snout mask 24-7. I was surface clean but underneath a weird hormonal stew was simmering...

It's summer in St Kilda. Fifteen-year-old Sky is looking forward to great records and nefarious activities with Nancy, her older, wilder friend. Her brother – Super Agent Gully – is on a mission to unmask the degenerate who bricked the shop window. Bill the Patriarch seems content to drink while the shop slides into bankruptcy. A poster of a mysterious girl and her connection to Luke, the tragi-hot new employee sends Sky on an exploration into the dark heart of the suburb. Love is strange. Family Rules. In between there are teenage messes, rock star spawn, violent fangirls, creepy old guys and accidents waiting to happen. If the world truly is going to hell in a hand-basket then at least the soundtrack is kicking. Sky Martin is Girl Defective: funny, real and dark at the edges.

This is so very unlike anything else I have read lately. It's set in the present day but it's quite timeless, very nostalgic - the Martin family own and run a record shop (which they live in a flat above), so how could it not be a novel about nostalgia? There is something sort of innocent about Nancy, even in all her wildness, like she is a girl from another time - hence Sky's romanticised idea of her friend.

Not quite as much sleuthing as the title suggests. There is a mystery, and the younger brother is a spy hobbyist - which I too was very keen on as a ten-year-old, I wonder whether every child wants to be a spy at some point - but of course this is not a straight mystery. Things aren't really strictly solved, because it would be unrealistic if they were.

I've been waiting since 2008 for another Simmone Howell novel and the wait was well worth it (fifteen-year-old Steph, of course, would expect a novel a year, because fifteen-year-old Steph is a rabid fan with no concept of how long is takes to write a novel, really. Nineteen-year-old Steph doesn't mind waiting four years for another marvellous book. Enough third-person, though.)

The characters are all beautiful and raw and lovely, especially the teenagers (even with all their darkness). The dialogue is brilliant, and the writing gorgeous (you know when you're reading and you can never really find a place to stop? You just keep moving forward because it is so well-written?). It's set in St Kilda so it's familiar and very realistic but enchanting and unreal at once (some of the night scenes like the one at Luna Park especially), reminding me somewhat of Leanne Hall's This is Shyness only more cemented in our reality.

It's really very splendid, and if you like contemporary Australian YA (it's a bit on the literary side) it's a really-really-should-read (I'm trying to avoid saying must-read because that phrase is severely overused). It is always lovely when a much-anticipated book lives up to your expectations.

P.S. It's going to be published in the US! I do not know when yet, but you should read it as soon as you can.

Girl Defective on Goodreads.
Girl Defective on the publisher's website.
The author's blog.

A most exciting All This Could End Twitter giveaway!

noreply@blogger.com (Steph Bowe) — Wed, 13 Mar 2013 21:17:00 +0000

The very fabulous Text Publishing are giving away a $150 Dangerfield voucher (plus a copy of the novel!) to celebrate the release of All This Could End!

All you have to do is tweet to them (@textpublishing) - 'what's the worst thing your mum has ever made you do?'

I get to judge the entries! How very exciting. So humour is appreciated. (And I'm sure if you don't have a mum in your life a mother-figure is just fine.)

The competition ends at 5pm AEST today (March 14th), so you have to get in quick. (And it's open to just Australian and New Zealand residents.)

If you want to listen to me talk about All This Could End...

noreply@blogger.com (Steph Bowe) — Thu, 07 Mar 2013 21:11:00 +0000

Here is a recording of my interview on ABC Coast FM!

Plus a podcast and transcript of an interview with the Sydney Writers Centre (which you can also download from iTunes).

There was also an article in the Gold Coast Bulletin you can read online here. (You might have also seen me in the Courier Mail on publication day. I was on page 13. I hope that's lucky.)

Some reviews of All This Could End from Deborah Abela (!!! whose Max Remy series I loved as a kid), Books+Publishing, Vegan YA Nerds (complete with adorable picture of cat posing with my novel!), Alpha Reader, Maree's Musings and inkcrush.

I'll be posting updates on appearances and interviews and the like more frequently to my Facebook page, and adding print snippets and reviews to the All This Could End page on this blog (once I manage to wrangle the scanner and convert PDFs to jpegs) so you can have a look at both of those places if you're interested.

P.S. Thank you to everyone for all of their support and lovely words about the new novel so far! You are wonderful. Releasing a second novel is actually no less terrifying than releasing a first novel. I'm working on a blog post about that.

Today's the day!

noreply@blogger.com (Steph Bowe) — Tue, 26 Feb 2013 19:43:00 +0000

...that All This Could End is officially released! I do so hope you like it.

p.s. Here's an interview with me about it.

Alex As Well by Alyssa Brugman

noreply@blogger.com (Steph Bowe) — Tue, 19 Feb 2013 03:02:00 +0000

What do you do when everybody says you’re someone you’re not?

Alex wants change. Massive change. More radical than you could imagine.

Her mother is not happy, in fact she’s imploding. Her dad walked out.

Alex has turned vegetarian, ditched one school, enrolled in another, thrown out her clothes. And created a new identity. An identity that changes her world.

And Alex—the other Alex—has a lot to say about it.

Alex is a forthright, sometimes-obnoxious and engaging protagonist, and a transgender girl - very underrepresented in YA fiction. Alex As Well is compellingly written, not just an 'issues' book, though the aforementioned issues are dealt with brilliantly and with great nuance. I think every teenage reader would be able to relate to Alex's struggle for identity, even if they don't experience a disconnect between how they feel and how they appear to such an extreme degree.

I think one of the many highlights of this novel is how realistically the relationships between Alex and her parents are represented - they're complex and difficult, and neither Alex nor her parents are perfect. Alex herself is inconsistent (understandably), and her parents deal with her expressing her gender identity very badly indeed, but their flaws make them realistic. It's much easier to empathise with Alex than her parents, however. I loathed Alex's mother intensely, but the excerpts from her posts on a mother's forum (complete with spelling mistakes and self-important commentators, which were a lovely touch) were very authentic.

It's a brilliant, honest and original contemporary YA (so honest it's somewhat uncomfortable at times). Highly recommended, and not just for YA audiences - I think it's worth a look for adult readers as well.

On Goodreads.
On the publisher's website.

Burning Blue by Paul Griffin

noreply@blogger.com (Steph Bowe) — Sun, 17 Feb 2013 10:21:00 +0000

When Nicole Castro, the most popular girl at her high school, has her face splashed with acid, her classmate, loner and brilliant hacker, Jay Nazarro, does more than just gawk at her. He decides to find out who did it.

The deeper he digs, though, the more he falls for Nicole…and the more danger he’s in. Everyone is a suspect—even Nicole herself—and whoever did it seems ready to strike again.

Told by Jay and through Nicole's diary entries, Burning Blue is described as a psychological thriller, but I think it's more of a contemporary YA romance and mystery in one. Though it started out slow (even though it begins with the catalystic event, it being retold to the reader made it lack immediacy), and both Nicole and Jay are kind of acerbic to begin with (Nicole for good reason), it's intriguing enough to continue reading. It's definitely one of those books that is - I hate to use the dreaded word-that-isn't-actually-a-word "unputdownable" - very difficult to put down once you reach a certain point. It's thoroughly original, and certainly did not end as I expected it to. I enjoyed all the hacking stuff (there's a lack of that in YA, oddly), but really wanted to hear more from Nicole.

Though Burning Blue is quite dark (and I'd definitely recommend it to older YA readers), it's comparatively not as intense as the author's previous novels. I read Ten Mile River by the same author several years ago, which I enjoyed but I think pales in comparison to Burning Blue. I had a copy of the author's second novel, Stay With Me, which I never ended up reading because, after hearing the author do a reading of the novel (which was actually excellent), knew it would be too unpleasant for my reading sensibilities. I think the characters of Burning Blue are a little more mainstream than the characters of the first two novels (Ten Mile River is about kids who have escaped from a juvenile detention centre; in Stay With Me the teenaged protagonist commits a murder), so I think it's probably the most accessible of Griffin's novels for a wide audience.

There is an incredible twist. It is somewhat made-for-TV-movie ridiculous, which I love, but in case you don't, rest assured it makes sense within the novel. It's really quite startling. It took me a while to warm to Burning Blue, but it definitely gathers momentum and is an intense but ultimately uplifting read.

(By the way, I love the Australian cover and think it suits the novel well. The US cover is the one visible on Goodreads, and I don't think it quite captures the novel. It's not just a mainstream thriller.)

On the publisher's website.
On Goodreads.

Plot twists that endlessly delight me but most people hate (because they are ridiculous and melodramatic)

noreply@blogger.com (Steph Bowe) — Wed, 13 Feb 2013 20:30:00 +0000

'It was all just a dream!'
'She's actually in a coma!'
'The girlfriend/best friend only exists in the main character's head!'
'The evil twin is really just the main character's other personality!'
'Everyone is evil and in on the plot except the main character!'
'Main character is actually dead: they'e a ghost, with unfinished business!'
'Every secondary character is the same person in a variety of disguises!'
'Character who supposedly died at sea and is a ghost haunting main character is actually alive!'
'Random middle-aged character is actually main character's long lost parent!'
'They're actually in the Matrix!'
'They're actually characters in a story within a story!'
'They're in an alternate universe!'
'The unreliable narrator is actually the killer!'
'Everyone else is actually a cyborg!'
'Everyone else is actually an alien replica!'
'Everyone else is actually the cast of an elaborate reality TV show that the main character is not aware they are the star of!'
'Main character is a cyborg/alien replica/reality TV star and doesn't know it!'
Plus anything to do with amnesia or mind reading. I love that stuff.

I have been thinking about my love of the slightly ridiculous (and sometimes incredibly ridiculous) in stories lately (I am not a fan of soap operas, though, oddly). I don't think ridiculous and genuine have to be mutually exclusive, or that literary fiction has the monopoly on affecting and brilliant stories. I think as long as there are characters the reader can empathise with, a ridiculous plotline will work (and some degree of self-awareness and irony helps). As a reader at the moment I don't have a lot of interest in overly realistic and serious stories. I am not the sort of person who thinks fiction should always be depressing or always be serious. I think you should get joy out of stories wherever possible (or at least learn something, if it's depressing), and always entertainment. I am tired of people saying 'Fiction isn't supposed to be uplifting'. Because, well, why not? Why can't fiction be weird and fun and still be meaningful?

Things I think about that I wonder whether other people think about

noreply@blogger.com (Steph Bowe) — Tue, 12 Feb 2013 11:26:00 +0000

I wonder whether television and stories and movies are actually good for us, or whether humans have trouble differentiating between the real and the unreal on some deep level and as a result we are all unhealthily infatuated with people who do not exist.

I wonder whether any great books actually exist or we are all just fooling ourselves that certain works are particularly profound because the idea of there not being greatness to aspire to or some meaning inherent in some particular words is just really depressing.

I wonder whether everyone walks around all the time feeling like an alien, but pretending like they fit in fine. I wonder whether someone might have done a psychological study on this. I wonder whether anyone thinks about asking 1000 people 'Do you walk around all the time feeling like an alien?' for the sake of science. I wonder if we are a nation of 20 million weirdos but no one will admit it.

I wonder whether, had I been able to choose before being born, I would choose to be a human. I know if I were a human I would choose to be me, because my life is comfortable and easy but I am not so rich I feel guilty all the time, but I think I may have chosen to be a preying mantis or a salmon or a germ instead.

I wonder whether I believe what I believe because I think I should believe it, and do what I do because I think I should do it, and whether any aspect of me is anything other than a product of everything around me and everything that has happened to me. I have possibly read too much Chuck Palahniuk.

I wonder whether achieving great things and being remembered is really important at all, whether maybe the important bit is just being a kind person day-to-day. What's the point in being remembered and admired once you're dead? You won't really be there to enjoy the adoration.

Things that seem like they would be a lot of fun but actually aren't

noreply@blogger.com (Steph Bowe) — Mon, 04 Feb 2013 11:33:00 +0000

Being professionally photographed. The whole 'I will look cool and glamorous' thing is quickly overwhelmed by the fact that it's terrifying and intimidating, especially with the weird lights and the ridiculous lenses. I am not exactly sure why anyone wants to become a model. It seems like it would be a really tiring job.

Reading reviews of your own book. Hypothetically I can think of nothing more exciting! Knowing what people think, after working on the book in a bubble for so long! But then I actually read them and even the good ones just make me feel sort of odd. Like, this is none of my business! If the good reviews are true aren't the bad reviews also true? I shouldn't be reading these!

Going to author parties. But then you sort of stand in the corner (with your non-alcoholic beverage) because your life is a Smiths' song, and really there's just a lot of people trying to impress other people, which doesn't really make for an exciting party at all. Parties are much better when no-one is trying to act cool and keep up their writerly mystique. Also parties are much better when there is fairy bread, which I have not had at a party since about 2004 which is a serious oversight on the part of all party hosts who have invited me to their parties. I think I may be overusing the word party there.

Being a public speaker. When people are being public speakers in films, you always see the end of their speech and their really profound conclusion and everyone clapping and asking for autographs. In real, live public speaking, it's really hard to be cool and relaxed and natural, and say meaningful and inspiring stuff consistently, especially if you're doing an hour long talk. Plus public speakers in films are never depicted getting lost on a sequence of buses and trains as they try to get home, which is what happens to me, generally.

Being an adult. You think, as a child, I'll be able to go where I want and do what I want and stay up late and eat rubbish all the time! And then you're a grown up and you have to worry about earning money and paying taxes and health insurance. And by the time you're done with all that (plus getting an education and planning for a career and investing for your retirement), you're just too tired to stay up late. And I haven't even moved out of home! Imagine how time-consuming being a real adult is going to be.

Best feeling ever: Seeing my novel as a finished book!

noreply@blogger.com (Steph Bowe) — Sat, 26 Jan 2013 00:56:00 +0000

This is really one of the most exciting bits of all: All This Could End in the flesh! (Well, not flesh. Paper?) It is incredibly pretty. It's really finished! Soon people in the world will be reading it! (This is actually terrifying.)

There's a nice little blurb from Gabrielle Williams (author of Beatle Meets Destiny and The Reluctant Hallelujah) on the cover, and here's the whole thing: "This book has one of the best 'hook-you-in' starts I’ve read in a long time. Steph throws you right in at the deep end with this crazy family who are headed for disaster, like it or not. She’s expertly woven a thoroughly original crime caper into a story about ‘outsider’ teenagers connecting with each other against all odds. Stand back, world, Steph Bowe is a serious talent."

And here's some of the first review! From Junior Bookseller & Publisher: ‘I am in awe of Steph Bowe. Her second novel, All This Could End, is so confident and perceptive that it is difficult to believe its author is only 18-years-old. Her outstanding evocation of what it is like to be on the verge of adulthood demonstrates a degree of self-awareness that most writers achieve only with the benefit of hindsight…Sophia Pretty is a particular highlight; a pathological mother figure with a flair for emotional blackmail who, while exaggerated, is sure to have teenage readers everywhere nodding in recognition.’ 4 stars

Only a month till it's in bookshops!

Does everyone have to be so attractive all the time?

noreply@blogger.com (Steph Bowe) — Mon, 21 Jan 2013 12:36:00 +0000

You know when you're reading a novel (which if you are Steph Bowe is more often than not*) and it's pretty good so far, but then the love interest has to show up? And then it's all downhill from there?

This is usually the worst part of the whole book because nine times out of ten instead of being described normally like a normal character, they are described in ridiculous hyperbole. They are breathtakingly and arrestingly and unfathomably beautiful. They are the most attractive person the protagonist has ever seen.

They are so otherworldly in their beauty, in fact, that everyone in their immediate vicinity stops and stares at them. NO. NO. A MILLION TIMES NO. I don't even care if they are from another world.

Why? Can't they just love normal-looking people? Isn't how attractive people are a fairly subjective thing? I know that people in movies and on TV are really, ridiculously good-looking but when you are writing a book the people can look however you say they look. So why make them generic hotties? Really? Wouldn't it be so much more interesting in your world of amazingly gorgeous folks if the love interest wasn't just one step of hotness above everyone else?

Why aren't there more average-looking paranormal creatures, really? It's all either tall, broad-shouldered super-babes or really evil ugly ones (as if ugly somehow equates to innate evil. How does that work? Does that seem illogical and kind of offensive to you? Those poor Orcs probably weren't even bad guys).

The profundity of people's love is not based on how ridiculously attractive they are, as far as I know.** Always, in these books, it's like they're reincarnated soul mates or magical partners in crime or at the very least they're gonna get married because they have some profound bond. Is them being the most attractive person ever to have lived really necessary if they're soul mates?

(Imagine if you lived in a world actually populated by the characters of these novels. It'd just be all redheads and seventeen-year-olds and people with creepy-coloured eyes and overly muscled immortals. I mean, really. What a nightmare. I'm confident I could be the dorky best friend of the gorgeous-but-doesn't-know-she's-gorgeous protagonist, and then conveniently disappear once the other main characters show up.)

Writers of future YA novels: please don't make the love interest the most attractive person on planet earth. It's not necessary. Especially if it's all about ~true love~. Because it's blind, guys. Haven't you ever seen a romantic comedy? (In which all of the characters are really, ridiculously good-looking, of course.)

*I am hoping to evolve past the need for sleep because I feel like that third of my life could be put towards better use i.e. reading***
**Maybe I'm wrong and us normal-looking folks aren't particularly loveable. I'm going to go and adopt a cat now.
***I'm kidding. You need your sleep, kids.

Why is it so hard to be a writer and read?

noreply@blogger.com (Steph Bowe) — Thu, 17 Jan 2013 12:37:00 +0000

Like, when you finish reading an amazingly brilliant novel that has won lots and lots of awards, you can't just think to yourself: "Wow, that was a fantastic book." Instead, you think to yourself: "Why can't I be that brilliant? How do they manage this brilliance? Can I steal this writer's brain? Did this writer make a deal with the devil? Can I make a similar deal? What is the secret? I will never be this great, might as well give up now!"

Or, when you finish reading an amazingly terrible novel that has sold lots and lots of copies, you can't just think to yourself: "Wow, wasted three hours of my life there." Instead, you think to yourself: "How come I can't write books that sell seventy billion copies? They don't seem that complicated! What's the secret? Why am I so bad at cliff-hangers? I will never sell this well, might as well give up now!"

It's just demoralising, frankly. The answer, of course, is to always read books that you think are perfectly average, with perfectly average sales, and with a perfectly average number of fans, and then you don't feel bad for not being brilliant or for not selling well enough or for not being universally adored. Which makes no sense whatsoever because what's the point of reading if it isn't finding stories you love?

Hopefully I am not the only one who unnecessarily does this "I wish I was a literary genius" bit every time I read a good book. If you have advice for those attempting to read while being a writer (how could I not! I'd rather not be reduced to reading textbooks and cereal boxes), do share.

Everything Left Unsaid by Jessica Davidson

noreply@blogger.com (Steph Bowe) — Mon, 14 Jan 2013 05:17:00 +0000

Tai and Juliet have been best friends forever – since they met at kindy and decided to get married in first grade.

They understand each other in the way that only best friends can.

They love music, beach walks, energy drinks and, they are slowly discovering, each other.

As they begin to dream of adventures beyond the HSC – a future free of homework, curfews and parents, a life together – their plans are suddenly and dramatically derailed.

For Tai is sick.

And not everything you wish for can come true.

A poignant story of first love, hope, grief, family, and the twistedness of life.

I can't read novels about dying teenagers anymore. I just can't. I've reached my limit. (I think writing a novel about a dying teenager didn't really help.) That said, Everything Left Unsaid is beautifully written and sweet and thoughtful. As well as being, naturally, incredibly depressing. This is a good book to read if you want to have a good cry, but then afterwards you should probably read something light and uplifting and not-at-all serious.

One of the more remarkable things about this novel is the utter believability of the dialogue. I think there's a tendency in YA generally for everyone's conversations to be filled with incredible wit and snappiness and generally more eloquence than teenagers actually have, which is entertaining but perhaps doesn't always ring true. There was no point at which the dialogue seemed false in Everything Left Unsaid, and the way the characters related to each other (and the way in which they behaved) was very authentic. There's also quite a lot of drinking and sexual references. There's a great deal of realism overall, which makes it all the more heart-breaking.

Davidson is yet another Australian writing brilliant contemporary YA. Really. I don't think I've read a single contemporary YA novel by an Australian author in the last year that I've disliked.

I'd recommend it to older YA readers (and adult readers also) if only because the tone is incredibly somber. It's a heavy and incredibly poignant novel. If you read it and don't cry (or at the very least get that unpleasant about-to-cry sensation in your chest), then I'm not sure you have a soul.

On the publisher's website
On Goodreads

Dialogue I would be pleased to never read in a work of fiction ever again

noreply@blogger.com (Steph Bowe) — Fri, 11 Jan 2013 11:42:00 +0000

“But that’s just a myth right? Surely it couldn’t be real?” And then two lines later whoever spoke these lines has fully accepted the existence of angels/vampires/chupacabra. This is an idiotic line because it appears in every paranormal novel ever and no one would actually say it. Someone tells you supernatural creatures are real, you don’t ask them in an uncertain voice whether they are being legit. You yell that they are crazy and you run away. Or you at least tell them it’s a myth with a bit of conviction, I mean, really.
The all-knowing minor character who says “You know he/she loves you, right?” to Entirely Clueless Yet Devilishly Attractive protagonist. This also comes up in romantic comedies at around the forty-five minute mark. The problem I have with this is how could they know? Do people say this in the real world? Do we all have secret spidey-senses that allow us to figure out who’s hot for whom and I’m just not tapped into it? I feel that characters should only be able to inform other characters who they’re loved by if a) they are directly told by the unrequited lover, or b) they are Edward Cullen. Then again I don’t think Edward Cullen should either. There’s just too many casual observers able to figure out other people’s feelings. A bit unbelievable.
“I don’t trust you.” “You shouldn’t.” This causes me to throw the novel across the room. 92% of all paranormal romance novels contain these words. It’s always Vulnerable Teenage Girl speaking to Powerful Supernatural Guy (who’s secretly an oldie but still looks young and hot. How is that even okay?). There’s just a lot of poor decision making generally when it comes to supernatural romances. I could write a book of advice for the lady protagonists of paranormal romance novels. Never go to a second location with a stranger, no matter how attractive they are! Preferably have age-appropriate romances with other mortals! Don’t move to dreary regional towns in America! Eat plenty of garlic!

If there are any terrible, recurring lines of dialogue you’d like to see banished from literature, feel free to share. (I will likely hate them too. Sorry. Strongly dislike.)