He said ... she said

She said…. Are all online sites created equal? - Part 2

2009-05-13T08:16:00.001-04:00

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I will say that there were some interesting elements to eHarmony (pros and cons) that you may want to be aware of before shelling out the considerable membership fee. On that note, eHarmony is a pay site, where your fees are determined by the number of months you commit to, rather than usage (as is the case with a site like Lavalife). Not surprisingly, you pay less per day the longer you sign up. Further complicating things is the fact that an “instalment plan” is only available if you sign up for a full year (3 consecutive months of payments) – talk about psychological pricing! Now, they do advertise the ability to “view your matches for free”, but this complicates things on two fronts: First, as a “free visitor”, you can’t view pictures for your matches (nor can you communicate with them); and, Second, the “free visitor”/”window-shopper” profiles are not differentiated from the “paying members”. As a result, it may look as though you have a great deal of matches (I would receive, on average, 15 new matches daily), when really only a fraction of them have put their money where their mouth is and fully committed to the process.

On the plus side, eHarmony has a great system of “safe communication” by both email over the site, as well as secure phone contact (even long-distance). They also offer “guided communication”, which takes matches through a series of communication phases consisting of: 5 multiple-choice questions; a shopping list of "must haves" and "can't stands" (Of course, I’m not sure who really CAN stand racists, bad hygiene, lying and cheating to name only a few – but perhaps there are some who would take a card-carrying member of the KKK as long as he brushed 3 times daily???); and finally, the exchange of long-answer/essay-type questions. At that point, if you haven’t offended each other (or died of boredom), you would go to “open communication” (secure email via the site). Of course, you also have the option of skipping “guided communication” entirely and going the “Fast Track” route, a personal preference of mine once I realized how lame I sounded in my “essay answers”. There really is something about back and forth in communication!

So, that’s eHarmony. On the other end of the online dating spectrum is Plenty of Fish, a free site. Now the pro and con (singular) of this site are fairly obvious, the pro being that it doesn’t cost you a thing, and the con being that, because it doesn’t cost you a thing, you tend to have to do more sifting through the riff raff – basically, anyone and their dog (and yes, some people think a picture of their dog makes for a great dating profile pic…hmmm…) seems to have a profile on this site. As a result, signing up for this site gets you your fair share of proposals of the indecent variety (but hey, maybe that’s what you’re after), even when what you are looking for (a relationship or dating or email or friendship) is front and center in your profile. But, if you are not offended by the occasional offer from a married woman, looking to explore her possible bisexuality while her hubby looks on, or someone looking for “one classy lady” to practice his “massage skills” (yes, both of these situations come from my own personal experience), Plenty of Fish, and other sites of its ilk, do offer an economical means of getting into the world of online dating. And, of course, it brought me and Martyn together – and not a moment too soon!

Lavalife would fall somewhere in the middle of the spectrum between Plenty of Fish and eHarmony. It operates very much like Plenty of Fish (but with a much more appealing look and feel, in my opinion) in that you scan the profiles and can chose where your own interest lies. Unlike Plenty of Fish, there are fees involved with this site, but not to the same extent as eHarmony. Basically, you purchase credits that allow you to initiate communication. Once initiated, the back and forth communication is free. As advertised by the site it is “FREE to Join, FREE to Search, FREE to Reply and FREE to Flirt!”. So, you can post your profile, view others, and even “show interest” in profiles without having to shell out any cash. When I was a Lavalife member back several years ago, I never spent a dime and yet, still communicated with people. I’ve been told by many that this is often the case for women on the site – I guess old-fashioned chivalry isn’t dead (at least in the online dating realm)! One benefit of Lavalife is that there are three unique online dating communities: dating, relationships, and intimate encounters. While this certainly doesn’t guarantee you freedom from the types of offers you haven’t signed up for (as many have profiles in more than one community, if not all three!), it does tend to cut down on that sort of thing – unlike Plenty of Fish, where everyone is lumped in together and you have to look specifically at how that one profile field has been filled in.

So, that’s a basic overview of but three of the options out there for your online dating pleasure. The list is certainly not exhaustive, but I hope it gives you a flavour of what you might expect from the spectrum of sites available to you.

Happy Hunting!

She said…. Are all online sites created equal? - Part 1

2009-05-12T08:15:00.000-04:00

…and the answer to that is a resounding NO!!!

But seriously, this being a blog about relationships generally, yes, but also about a relationship that began through an online dating site (Plenty of Fish, specifically), I thought it would be appropriate and timely to talk about the relative merits and drawbacks of a few of the online dating options out there – from my own personal experience.

Aside from the recognition by both Martyn and I that this was a “successful” online dating experience…because it was how WE ultimately met…the blog to date has probably been more negative and cynical than necessary insofar as describing our experiences BEFORE meeting each other.

Granted, in the numbers game of online dating, you are bound to have a large spectrum of experiences – from the hilarious to the appalling… and sometimes even to the downright scary – before meeting Mr./Ms. Right…or even Mr./Ms. “Seemingly Normal”, to use Martyn’s words. And really, the entire process can help you to learn a lot about yourself and what you want in a partner – or more importantly, what you DON’T want. In my case, it helped me to see that despite my own “shortcomings” – perceived or otherwise – I was actually a pretty good catch all told.

So, how do you choose which forum (or fora) is right for you? I began my online dating adventure through a more “scientific” route. By signing up with eHarmony, the psychologist-created dating site, I chose to put my romantic future in the hands of the “experts” – to let them match me with my “soulmate”, based on "29 dimensions of personality that are scientifically-based predictors of long-term relationship success”. I’ll admit it…I could totally see myself as one half of the next nauseatingly happy couple to be aired as a success story for the site – something to effect of ... “Jackie and Mr. Right were matched in January 2009, married in June 2010, and are currently living in blissful suburban happiness, awaiting the birth of their first child”. Instead, all that MY 2 hours spent filling out the comprehensive questionnaire yielded me was a lot of photo-less matches, 4 “matches” I already knew through work, and one date – and a long-distance date at that.

And still, I can’t say that eHarmony was a complete bust. Aside from the one date with a very nice guy (with whom I knew immediately upon meeting that there was no long-term potential…or spark even…too bad the distance made for 6 weeks of email chat before figuring this out), I was matched with at least 4 individuals who, on paper, would be very “compatible” matches for me – similar lifestyles, levels of education, views of the world, etc. The fact that I already knew, and could eliminate, these four as good matches for me in no way devalues the science behind the compatibility matching process. The reality is that, no matter how contact is initiated (by picking and choosing or by a more scientific approach), a good relationship depends largely on that “X-factor” (call it a “spark” or chemistry or pheromones or whatever) that separates the “friends” from the “more-than-friends”.

… to be continued tomorrow …

He said … But can she handle my baggage?

2009-05-06T09:58:00.000-04:00

And no, the title is not a euphemism for some sort of fetish sexual act. Every one of us carries with us some baggage from our families, our religion, and our past relationships. While these experiences are the ones that make us who we are as people, sometimes it can make things difficult for your partner.

I, for one, certainly don’t come baggage free. After a brief (less than 4 years) marriage to someone who was selfish, deceitful, a liar, spent us into massive (near bankruptcy level) debt and then walked out on her husband and 2-year old child to “go party”, I certainly came into this new relationship with my own wide range of issues that need to be worked through.

Now, first off, after an experience like that you have to allow yourself time for self healing. This is going to take a different amount of time for different people – but don’t skip this step. Before you can move on to a successful relationship you have to put closure on the old one. That doesn’t mean you have to be 100% over your issues and feelings from your past, but it does mean that you need to realise what baggage it is that you carry, and which ones are rational, and which ones are not.

As an example, Jackie and I were recently discussing our future house budget and enumerating our various personal expenses. For me, I can live off about $9 a month in razor blades and soap. For Jackie, her salon hair, nails and other items came to about $200 a month. Coming from a marriage where those types of expenses were hidden on secret credit cards only to be revealed when the card was maxed out and then having to take out loans and lines of credit to bail out my spouse, that type of revelation triggered a knee-jerk type reaction of “I can’t live with that”.

The important part of this example is not the amount of money, but that my partner understood my reaction because I have been honest about my past and my baggage, and she knows that my response is going to be exactly what it was, but instead of responding emotionally herself we sat together and worked through our personal budgets, income, and common expenses. The end result was that $200 is not even a blip in our combined disposable income. But like I said, it wasn’t about money - it is about understanding that everyone carries a little bit of baggage and in a strong relationship you will work through these things calmly and rationally.

Example number 2 is about weddings. When Jackie and I first started discussing the future and the possibility of marriage I was very “anti-wedding”. First of all, there was the expense of it all (see above!) and 2nd, while I wanted to be married I had already had a large wedding and wasn’t sure I wanted to go through it all again.

The money issues were again quickly dissolved by having and understanding partner, and my own self-realization that I could not and should not project the habits of a dishonest over-spender on an honest rational fiscally responsible person. Of course, again, Jackie understands that I have this baggage and does not respond with emotion or outrage, but instead we deal with these things rationally, calmly and with understanding.

As for the second part of my reservations, this required me to realise that this was MY issue, and that I was being unfair to my partner. To say no to a wedding just because I had a little emotional scar from my own would be a selfish move on my part and very inconsiderate of my partner’s needs and desires (I mean it would be her first wedding – and my last one!). Yet again, calm minds and rational discussion win out over emotional knee-jerk type reactions.

So if you are in a relationship – new or established – make sure you take the time to understand your partner and his or her baggage issues. When your partners says or does something that seems out of their regular character try to approach it with calmness and rational thinking and help your partner through the difficult topic – and remember, if this is an old emotional wound it could be a very difficult topic for your partner to discuss. Give it time, be understanding, communicate and support each other. These things will lead to a long and strong relationship.

He said … But can she cook? And not necessarily in the kitchen!

2009-04-30T15:10:00.002-04:00

Ok, time to build on what I was talking about yesterday … compatibility, and identifying problems and issues. This time I want to cover the more touchy subject of sexual compatibility, not just (as Jackie put it so well) “show-stoppers”. Keep in mind, of course, that sex is really about 5% of a relationship, unless it’s a problem in which case it is going to be about 95% of your relationship.

The largest difficulty in assessing your sexual compatibility with someone you are newly dating is, well, you have to have sex with that person. And probably more than once. Probably LOTS more. Remember that, for all but the luckiest of us, it is going to take a few dozen times for even the most perceptive of partners to learn the techniques and actions that the other person gets pleasure from, and to develop the techniques that are needed to please your new partner.

So what am I getting at here? Be honest to yourself and be honest to your partner. Technique can be learned, but if you like to dress up like a cartoon character before Saturday night sex and they aren’t into that then you may have a problem down the road. I am not saying you should get all this up-front on your internet dating profile, or over your first date coffee, but seriously, if you have any fetishes or acts you cannot live without, you owe it to yourself and your partner to be honest.

My 2nd point here is about building intimacy. The largest sex organ in the body is the brain – for both men and women. Make sure that you take the time to build intimacy and tension during the rest of your time with your partner. All of that built up tension and love will truly come out in your love making.

This should go without saying, but unfortunately it has come up for me time and time again in relationships – keep the mystery alive. First the obvious: keep the bathroom door closed! See how simple that is? And this goes for men and women. Invest $2.89 in some air freshener as well. Yes it’s natural and biological, but that doesn’t mean we have to share!

Also, remember that “sex” is related to “sexy”. Be sexy for your partner. Keep in mind this doesn’t mean you have to dress as a Fireman or slutty nurse every night (but you should every once in a while, just for fun). All this means is that if you are thinking you might want to seduce your partner later on in the evening, you might want to change out of your moth eaten flannel PJs, or change out of your mustard stained “wife-beater” tank top. Take a shower. Put on some cologne or perfume. Spice it up for the sake of your relationship.

So, take the time to talk to your partner about your sexual needs. Honestly and explicitly spell out what you need to be happy. It can be uncomfortable but there is no other way to guarantee your happiness down the road. Be open to accept what your partner says to you. And work to keep the mystery alive and to keep yourself sexy for your partner.

She said … What are my deal-breakers?

2009-04-29T16:04:00.002-04:00

I’ve never been married…never lived with anyone I’ve dated…nor have I really ever had a terribly healthy, functional relationship before Martyn….My point, you ask? Well, I certainly can’t add anything to a discussion of what can lead to marriage breakdown, but I can sure throw in my two cents about relationship breakdown.

I think a big part of determining whether or not your relationship will be successful comes from knowing what your deal-breakers are…and then assessing your relationship against them. Martyn’s last post spoke about problems and issues…and, if I may reiterate his point, issues are those problems that can't be fixed or that one partner is unwilling to work on.

So, where do deal-breakers come in, you ask? Well, deal-breakers are those “issues” you CAN'T live with.

Going into this relationship with Martyn, I was aware from the get-go that he was a single father of a 2 year-old daughter (who spends 90% of her time with him). True to his feelings about honesty, he had all of this information front and center in his profile (to be ignored by some ladies, it would seem). For me, this was never in and of itself an issue. First, I genuinely love children and second, the fact that his daughter is with him most of the time spoke to his personal character. Looking for a serious relationship myself, I also considered the long-term benefits of this arrangement, thinking that having his daughter most of the time would be better than “weekend fatherhood” in terms of building a “family unit” down the road.

Now you may be questioning my long-term assessment of this potential relationship BEFORE even answering his introductory email. But I would argue that this kind of thinking is not only a good idea, but really essential for any relationship, particularly one where children are involved. If you already see, from the 2 (or less) descriptive paragraphs and the “vital stats” on his/her profile page, any of your deal-breakers enumerated, then you are better off never initiating/accepting contact. No matter how cute, funny, intelligent, hot, or “insert quality here” he/she
appears to be, deal-breakers are just that…

So with a big checkmark on that front, I was happy to respond to Martyn’s email (well, a full week later…still stinging from “Stand-me-up” guy…and generally feeling jaded and cynical about the whole process). And still, I was not naïve enough to believe that deal-breakers would not come up down the road. Compatibility, common interests and chemistry aside (and in no way am I downplaying the importance of these factors to a successful relationship), it is important to be honest with yourself at the outset regarding your relationship “bottom line” – in other words, what you will or won’t be able to accept long-term.

In the end, my deal-breakers were two-fold: I wanted (and want) to get married AND have children. Now obviously I wasn’t going to go THERE during any initial dates – That is one sure-fire way to see that a budding romance goes absolutely NOWHERE. But (and here’s where we get back to compatibility et. al.) over time, all things remaining blissfully happy (we were compatible, had great chemistry, etc. etc.), I needed to know that there was at least an openness on Martyn’s part to these two things. It may sound simple, but I was dating someone in the process of getting
divorced, who already had a child (that he was raising as a single father). I, for one, would not have been surprised in the least were he to NEVER want to take that walk down the aisle again, much less have more kids that might end up in the same situation as the one he already had.

My point with all of this…as Martyn said, most problems can be worked on and negotiated (as long as the willingness is there and there are no “physiological” limitations), but you can’t work around deal-breakers – the better you know what yours are at the outset, the less likely you are to “run into” them once you are already well-invested in the relationship.

He said … How did I end up divorced?

2009-04-29T13:11:00.001-04:00

Ok – talking about divorce in a blog about relationships might sound odd, but bear with me hopefully by the end this will all make sense …

Anyhow, I got married in 2005. At the time, the woman I was seeing seemed like she was compatible with me – she seemed ambitious, neat and tidy, emotionally supportive. But as time went on, all those qualities seemed to fall away until I was left with someone selfish, shallow, insecure and incapable of supporting her partner. But you know what, I married her anyways.

Without getting into the personal reasons for getting married, I want to get to the point of this post – know thy self and know thy partner. Sure these things seem logical to all of us, but often they get overlooked in relationships because of the emotion involved, or the feeling of being needed, or of needing to be with someone. At the end of the day, it is better to walk away from a relationship and deal with the temporary heartache than it is to undo your entire life, not to mention the increased impact if there are children involved!

So, what do I suggest? Well, I think you have to look at a relationship in terms of its problems and its issues. To me, a problem is something that can be solved. Educations can be had, weight can be lost, genitals and breasts can be enlarged (or reduced) if those are your problems.

Issues are the kind of things that don’t go away. They can either be a physiological lacking (people can’t grow taller, so don’t date someone short if it’s an issue for you), or they can be a lack of a desire to change something.

The key to a lasting relationship is to get all those problems and issues onto the table as soon as possible. By that I don’t mean the first date, but certainly they should be dealt with before you are ready to say “I love you”.

Now, they don’t have to be solved, but you should at least be confident that the things that bother you, even a little bit, are problems that are being worked on, and not issues that are going to be around forever. This is also a give and take – don’t expect your partner to work on their problems if you aren’t going to work on yours.

Sure, discussing problems and issues is never fun, but you have to remember that it should come from caring and not criticism. Good open communication is so important and remaining calm and listening to your partner is the key. Look for alternative methods if you don’t feel you can refrain from being defensive. I don’t generally advocate email since there is no tone to text, but you can certainly use it as an effective tool to start these types of conversations – remember though, start small (“It would make me feel good if you put your coffee cup in the dishwasher instead of in the sink in the morning”) and make sure that whatever behaviour you are talking about isn’t something you do – it’s not fair to ask your partner to put her socks in the laundry basket if you leave your on the floor!!

So there you go, that’s my relationship thought for the day.

She said ... “Seemingly” normal????

2009-04-28T16:37:00.001-04:00

Before I get on with the meat of this post, I would like to go on record as objecting to the “seemingly normal” description of yours truly from Martyn’s first post – After 4 months together, I personally think that “normal” would have sufficed. I mean, I used a prince vs. frog analogy, with Martyn falling squarely in the former category. Perhaps “seemingly prince-like” would have been better for the purpose of this blog…hmmmm….

But I digress…

Honesty…yes, honesty is indeed the best policy. As it turned out, my insecurities about my physical appearance (my weight specifically) were unnecessary. And yet, as I sit here writing this, I still find the physical description dilemma a tricky one. Now, I’m certainly NOT advocating the use of pictures that are not you…or outdated to the point that your mother wouldn’t recognize you in them (mine were all from the previous 3 months or so). Nor do I suggest that you sugar-coat the description of yourself. THAT is just a recipe for disaster because, as Martyn has pointed out, you are going to meet this person eventually. That being said, if any of you are like me – my own worst critic – the “accurate” description of yourself could very well have your potential date heading for the hills BEFORE you even sit down to coffee date number 1. And let’s face it – it can be harsh world of critics out there…and I think that Martyn would agree with me that it is harder still for women – what with a rake-thin model on every second magazine cover, and skinny actresses filling small and big screens alike (not counting the token “plump” character actresses, whose storylines almost always revolve around their weight in some form – a popular soap opera has even written an actress’ real life laparoscopic band surgery into her character’s storyline). You just don't see that on the men's side, with thin leading ladies happily working alongside their pudgier leading men.

In MY defence, Martyn is particularly gifted in the “probing question” department, a trait I have come to appreciate immensely (no, seriously!!) as I have gotten to know myself better and address some of my baggage (yep, everyone has baggage!) over the course of our 4 months together. But back to my point…I wasn’t TRYING hide anything, but rather was uncertain (as many of you undoubtedly are) about how to describe myself accurately without throwing myself under the proverbial bus. And lucky for me, I met a wonderful, caring, intelligent, funny man who was able to see (AND point
out to me) my “beauty” – inside and out. And did I mention how sexy he is?

So, what’s the answer? Well, I would say that you should be as honest as you can in your description of your physical self, use recent pictures in your profile, and realize that what you look like on the outside is but one of many parts of your makeup. In realizing this, cut yourself some slack (Easier said than done – Believe me! I know!) and try not to define yourself and your “dateability” by the one part of your “package” that may not be what you want it to be. After all, you don't want someone (man or woman) who doesn't appreciate you for all your many qualities and quirks.

Back to us…

Coffee date number 1 went off without a hitch. Not surprisingly, our 3-hour phone marathons translated well to the in-person meeting. And our first real date (the 12-hour marathon that seemed to fly by without even one awkward silence) soon followed – and this on the heels of impromptu date number…erm…0.5. An unexpected cancellation in Martyn’s social calendar (read: cancelled previously arranged online dating site date) left us open to Friday night drinks (we both nursed one drink each all night, as I recall) and something in the vicinity of 5 hours of talking (in no less than 3 locations)! Impressive on its own, but more so considering we were going to spend the following day together – in its entirety…

More on that in future posts…

He said … and now the first date

2009-04-28T15:30:00.001-04:00

A first date is tough enough when you already know who the person is, but when all you have to go on is a few pictures on a web site, meeting in person can be a nerve-racking experience. My usual on-line dating strategy is to go for a daytime coffee. The lack of romance and alcohol pretty much guarantees that the date won’t lead to sex, but I find that dating while the sun is still up seems to keep the stalkers at bay.

By the time I actually met Jackie in person, we were on day 9 since first chatting … and by chatting I mean averaging about 3 hours a night on the phone. Pretty wicked chemistry was brewing between us already before that first meeting. The first meeting went fantastic and we made plans for a LONG date the following weekend (our first date was 12 hours – but that is another story).

Ok, so what is my point here? Well, during the lead up to the first date Jackie was very careful to skirt the issue of her physical appearance. Don’t get me wrong, I know physical insecurity is a common issue with both men and women, but if you are planning to meet someone in person honesty is the best policy – I mean they are going to see you anyways right? And you know what, in the end it wasn’t even an issue! Confidence and intelligence are the most attractive things you can offer! So everyone reading this, stop obsessing over what the boy is going to think of your 10 extra pounds - your Ph.D. is much sexier.

So, honesty always in a relationship! About everything! Seriously people! My marriage ended because of things like this. When you meet someone and you present yourself to be neat and clean or career driven or into children, make sure you actually are those things. In the end if you aren’t the person you present yourself to be, that is the relationship killer – not the 15 extra pounds you are carrying around from the winter.

And by the way, Jackie is the most beautiful person I have ever seen, and it has nothing to do with what she looks like …

She said …When will it be my turn?

2009-04-28T14:48:00.000-04:00

So, I never expected to find myself at 31 … still single and with no prospects in sight … not to mention a less than stellar dating track record.

I was sure that by 30 I’d be happily ensconced in suburbia, with my husband and the requisite 2.5 kids at some stage of birthing/raising process. Easy enough? Apparently not…

Instead, I found myself approaching 31…still single, and watching an ever-increasing number of friends and family taking that long walk down the aisle and starting their families – even my MUCH younger cousins were attending family functions with their girlfriends du jour in tow. And there I was, solo…everybody’s favourite Aunt Jackie. Now, don’t get me wrong, I had a very full, fun and rewarding life as single person – complete with a network of quality friends and lots of time, freedom and disposable income for travel, completely me-centred shopping (as illustrated by my impressive shoe collection), and nights out with the girls. And still, in my romantic heart of hearts, what I wanted most was to meet that special someone (my own plus one) and get down the business of building a life for two-plus...

And so it was with this mindset that I decided to take the leap into the virtual dating pool Scary stuff indeed! But I figured, what do I have lose? At 31, I was what you would consider a fairly good catch – well-employed, educated, reasonably attractive, and intelligent, with a good sense of humour…and so what if I was still working towards shedding some unwanted pounds (the bane of my existence)? I certainly was not alone in that pursuit…

Without boring you with all the details of my “misadvantures”, I got off to a rocky start with the psychologist-created dating site (the one with the nauseating “success story” commercials) that involves the completion of a lengthy questionnaire that allows you to be matched with others in the top 2 percentile of compatibility with you. All that the considerable membership fee got me was matched with a stream of people I already knew – and through work no less! Talk about awkward!

As for my experience with one of the “freebie” sites, my luck was not much better (but at least I could avoid those I already knew). Aside from the many indecent proposals from those falsely portraying themselves as looking for a committed relationship, my most memorable experience was with a guy obsessed with me being the “older-woman” (with our big 3-year age gap), who ended up standing me up on our 6th date (I know, what was I thinking letting it go that far?) with the lame excuse of having dropped his blackberry in the snow – and this delivered only AFTER receiving a well-worded, yet mature, email from me (3 days letter, no less) advising him to grow up.

But I really can’t complain…in the “numbers game” of online dating, such experiences are only to be expected – many frogs, but not so many princes.
And in the end, it all led me to Martyn (sigh). With 4 months of dating under our belts and still going strong, we are looking forward to sharing some of our experiences and lessons learned with you.

Enjoy!

He Said ... Are there good women out there?

2009-04-28T11:20:00.008-04:00

I mean seriously, are there any good women out there?

37 years of my life have flown by only to be disappointed by one woman after another. Lets put aside the nut-cases and stalkers for a minute here, even the seemingly “good women” always turn out to have some fatal flaw. Sure, I can get by for a while on the belief that maybe my penis is just too big and it makes them crazy, but this is ridiculous!

Of course, being a rational and logical human being myself, I turned to the one place that I knew I would be able to meet good stable women – a free internet dating site! And wow, was I ever in for a treat!

I am not going to cover all my experiences in detail, but let’s just say that apparently I am the only one who thinks it’s inappropriate to start groping a relative stranger (2nd date) on the couch in front of your 12 year old! And how do you NOT know that you are dating a father when his on-line name is “Single Pop” and the first line of the ad says “Single father of one …”! Put that aside for a moment, why do you feel the need to run out the door when the child is mentioned in passing conversation … “Hey lady, you didn’t finish your coffee?!”

But for every 7,918 crazy women you do get to meet one seemingly normal one - and for me that’s Jackie. Sure we are only 4 months into our adventure together, but already at this point we have faced many challenges. We thought it would be a good idea to share some of these challenges with the world because we are sure that there are lots of other people faced with the same challenges we have – dating with young children, dating through separation and divorce, as well as the usual dating issues.

I hope you enjoy the back and forth, we will try to keep it interesting. Check back often!