confessions of a cynical mind

Do you really need Kotler

noreply@blogger.com (Ankur) — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 09:36:00 +0000

This is my first posting from the B school, there is a lot to write, Hostel, weather, food, classes, courses, profs, peers, seniors, canteen, girls, guys (I have to act without gender bias), parties, sleep deprivation etc. BUT I will just touch upon something totally different, a visible case of superior marketing of a controversial and taboo product and converting it from "proper noun" to "common noun".

The case is of Cipla, pharmaceutical giant and manufacturer of Levonorgestrel tablets, The tablets were introduced in India in early 1990s and were sold as Pill 72. Pill 72 was contraceptive pill with two 0.25 mg tablets (0.5 mg) sold in 1 pack, and was available as over the counter pill. The number 72 in name signified that it is instructed to take both the pills in pack withing 72 hrs of unsafe sex.

Since its launch in 1990s to 2005, it sold mostly by word of mouth awareness and to some information privy urban middle class. It was one of those drugs whose development would be quoted as an example of sunk cost in Microeconomics books. Adding to CIPLA's worry was also the problem that they could not market it, since India in 90's was fairly conservative and Religious issues apart (All major religious establishment oppose contraception at some level or the other), the middle class had not expanded enough to make buffer for the risk they would have taken by openly marketing it. Here one might say, 90's was a time when govt. was out and out campaigning for family control and "population explosion" was buzz word, but all they were promoting were preventive contraception, emergency contraceptives were still considered killing.

Still CIPLA continued to market it till 2004, when came a sex survey on Indian youth and it said that majority of abortions are taking place in urban india in the age group of early twenties. CIPLA saw this as a moment of enormous opportunity, and even though the religious establishment was still there, this time the middle class had grown enough to support its campaign. They combined the two pills of PILL 72, and produced a single pill of 50 mg and called it iPILL. iPILL took the market by storm and became a better known word for emergency contraceptive pill. CIPLA didnt loose any aspect of milking the given opportunity and while Pill 72 came at Rs 43 per pack, iPill was priced at Rs 90 per pack.

What i felt typically wonderful about this case was that, CIPLA didn't create a product to cater to consumer demand, Its market research in early 90's failed terribly, in short all the major frameworks of text seemed to have failed, when they took advantage of a situation and made the product into a success. It was all about intuition and I firmly feel, even if the bosses at CIPLA would not have read marketing texts, they would have done the same thing.

How is Laloo Yadav Funny?

noreply@blogger.com (Ankur) — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 15:47:00 +0000

Recently I concluded my IIM Calcutta Interview, I don't know how it was, for all I know they have to be enigmatically adept at reading one's abilities, because if i were on the other side of the table I would never be able to assess from this sort of interview...

Three panelists

P1: Smiling professor or alumnus (don’t know), stereotypical Bengali, outspoken and got a bit angry while in the interview

P2: Sahadeb Sarkar, Business Statistics prof at IIMC, he didn’t speak almost anything

P3: Stereotypical bhadra lok old timer, looked and dressed like Jyoti Basu, was alumnus of IIT Bombay and IIM Calcutta

P2: Tell us about yourself Ankur? (expression as if it was way too routine and he is bored to take this interview)

Me: I did

P3: I am also from IIT Bombay ankur, in my days, there was a guy who cooked very well and made a career in it, initally we all laughed at him, now he owns a chain of restaurants and is a multi millionaire, why dont you choose that path?

Me: Sir, it is just a hobby and I am learning, plus there are professionals who have a major head start in this field, so it does not make a business sense unless I have some extraordinary culinary skills

P1 (the guy who almost killed me): what do you cook or as you said learn?
Me: (I made a fatal mistake there) Traditional recipes and their subtleties from UP, Bihar and Bengal ( I said this because I thought they would relate to it and would bring interest in the conversation)

they caught it and started what Bengali dishes you know of,
I said few of them and saw P3 smiling at me then

P1: don’t tell me many dishes just tell me one and talk about it
Me: I said brinjal fry, because that is something I knew how to cook

P1: what is so special or novel about it?

P2: I lived in US for 12 yrs and cooked it daily, I don’t think there is anything you can learn from it
Me: Talked about frying as a good way to cook bringal as it soaks water, blah blah blah

P1: but brinjal does not soak water, when I cook it for bharta it releases water,
Me: In a watery medium it would, for bharta you roast it on dry heat.

P1: still, what is the learning? how can you be so judgmental that frying is the best way to cook brinjal, I think it is bharta, it is healthier and tastier
Me: Sir, taste is perspective driven, and when I spoke about best way to cook it, I meant increasing the versatility of its use, etc.

He was not convinced.
P1: Explain your project at work
Me: I did that,

P1: what is elasticity,
Me: Change in commodity by change in price

P1: Mathematically, say R is revenue and P is price

Me: delta(R)/R divide by delta(p) by p

P1: what were the independent variables in your model?
Me: Age, Credit, Number of adults per household, number of cars, cross sell…..

P1: why are you thinking? You made the model, so you should know very well?

Me: Sir there were many models in the system and I made them all one year ago, I am just telling the most important and logical ones.

P1: How can you use credit? Is it for the US market?

Me: Yes sir, however in California law credit can not be used to price insurance, hence there it was not used.

P1: did accident and driver history not come?
Me: We did not have accident information in client's data base however yes, driver citation history was a apart of the model

P1: Thats not possible, in US it is widely available

Me: We tried for 3 months to get it, but it was not available

P1: You played basket ball, is there a correlation between basketball and CAT score? 5 people who came before you were basket ball players.
Me: There could be a correlation sir, but I don’t see a causality (this was technically a very smart statement)

P1: I think there is a strong correlation, but can you explain the rising trend of basketball players in your generation?
Me: Well, I can cite a personal example sir, when I was trying to raise the first basketball team of my school, I did not get a very good response in first 1 yr, however there was a movie called Kucch Kucch Hota Hai released, in which Shahrukh khan played basketball, after that I saw a surge in people interested in playing, perhaps there are triggers who added to the popularity factor of the game (I totally forgot to include the increase in average height of our generation from 5 6 in last gen to 5 8 in ours)

P1: oh, so you belong to that generation
P3: you made cartoons in college, and you won too, do you have the cartoon?
Me: no sir, but i can tell you what I made

P3: go on
Me: Lalloo Yadav was made railway minister then, I made him sitting on a railway engine wherein the engine was horns like a buffalo

P1: Is that funny?
Me: In retrospect I won’t say so, but then given the reputation of him then, none of us could fathom his future managerial feat.

P3: What was the dramatic event you participated in and say a few dialogues
Me: I told him the setting etc, but said I don’t remember the dialogues sir, however there was one line which I vividly remember, and I told him that

P1: It seems you are good at cricket as well and you have played against railways, it is a good team;

Me: yes sir, we lost against them, however we won against Allahabad which had Mohammad kaif playing for them then

P1: What did you do?
Me: I was a strike bowler

P1: What did you bowl?
Me: I bowled in-swing

P1: Show me the grip
I did

P1: Where is the seam pointed,
Me: I said seam acts as a rudder and for a right hand batsman..

P1: (interrupted) what do you mean right hand, it is in-swing for a right hand only, for left hander it would be out-swing, how does your grip and seam depend on that?
Me: I said, I m just putting right hander as a reference for seam position and it is directed towards leg

P1: Which leg
Me: The fielder in the slip first next to wicket keeper on the leg
P1: you don’t know the fielding positions?
Me: (I smiled and said) Sir, I played cricket 8 yrs ago and I don’t watch it or follow it, so it has skipped my mind

P1: So why have you written it on the form (I could see kind of disgust and dejection on his face)
I just smiled politely

ok Ankur, we are done, send in the next guy

Goodbye FLOGGER!

noreply@blogger.com (Ankur) — Sat, 28 Feb 2009 18:57:00 +0000

In my brothers' inventory of books spanning from History to Genetics, from Anthropology to Circuit design, there was just one book which I vividly remember. It was a small hardbound pocket book with glossy gray scale pages, on each left page there was a aircraft and its description and on the right it had top, front and side view sketches of the same. It was my all time favourite childhood book, "Observer's Book of Aircraft". In the pre-internet era, it was one of the most enriching and concise sources of information on aircrafts. On one of its pages, there was the formidable Mikoyan Gurevich 23, or what we better know as MiG 23. Indian Air Force today retired its last squadron of MiG 23BNs code named by NATO as the FLOGGER.

Although MiG23 was not the best machine to take off from the MiG factory, its ground attack version MiG23BN was the most advance machine of its time. It was developed in responce to rising reports of inefficiencies in the predecessor MiG21 (FISHBED), but the need of the hour was to create a machine to counter legendary F-16s deployed by NATO (papa US to be precise). The result was not as exemplary as F-16 but it was a ground attack fighter way ahead of its time, in both technology and build. Though it was a single engine aircraft as F-16, it had a dual air intake vents and increasing its air intake and adding to the stability of the aerodynamics.

India procured these machines in 1981 in responce to Pakistan adding F-16A to its arsenal and renamed it Vijay. IAF used them in Freeing Siachen in 1986 and Kargil in 1999, being a top of the line ground attack machine it felt short on air to air combat, but when used wisely they were nothing short of terror, India deployed them to roles which required extensive ground attack without the danger of air resistance, unlike Syria which led it into air to air combat against the dreaded Israeli fighters pilots in 1981-85, wherein Israelis allegedly shot down 30 of them in 5 yrs time.

MiG23 was never a darling of Indian media, It always stayed in the shadow of brother MiG25 and cousin Sukhoi 30, also it was known for its dubious safety record and frequent engine troubles, second only to notorious younger sibling MiG21. Its massive maintanance bill led to its retirement, none the less Vijay served its purpose by being the thunder and storm in its haydays and faded off to dignity silently as mentioned by ACM Fali Homi Major.

Bidding adeu to Flogger, IAF now has, Su30MKI, MiG27, MiG29, Mirage 2000, Jaguar and Canberra, it recently retired the legendary and best reco aircraft ever made, the MiG25.

Delhi 110006

noreply@blogger.com (Ankur) — Sun, 22 Feb 2009 18:08:00 +0000

I am huge fan of realistic cinema particularly the feel good ones. Delhi - 6 almost belonged to that category, specially when I could relate much more to it because of my three golden years in the city. It could draw an analogy to a well crafted dish, very delectable base in form of purani dilli, carefully chosen ingredients as exceptionally brilliant actors cooked just right in their meaty characters, smart screenplay and music formed the essential spices and condiments, just that while this entire ensemble was almost to be removed from the heat to be served, the chef (director) realized he forgot the nutrients and poured a bottle of vitamin pills and virtually destroyed the preparation.

Like every profession in India Hindi film industry has long been shadowed by families and formulaes. Past half a decade has seen a renaissance with talented professionals venturing into Film industry in all its domains, Khosla ka Ghosla, Oye Lucky!, Rang De Basanti, Seher and Manorama to name a few stand as testimony to it. It also came across as shift from the Mumbai centric approach of Hindi cinema which now focused on most populous belts of its audience i.e. Delhi, UP, Bihar, Rajasthan, MP. Delhi - 6 came as a fresh installment in the sequence of Delhi (North) based flicks after Lakshya, Rang De Basanti, Khosla ka Ghosla, Oye Lucky...

I have lived in Delhi - 47 for three years, and ventured out to Delhi - 6 many a times mostly for books at the lively Naee Sadak area near Chandni Chowk, so I could relate to most of the characters at a personal level. The standard issue NRI with accented English replies to vernacular conversations, the next door neighbour showoff mid aged Dilli waala, the thulla (Police man) with that inscrutable jaat accent, The aunties and bhabhis which make love very tangible in form of laddus and jalebis, the two kids, the lower caste kachre waali. All of them made me feel like I was thrown back in time to my days in the capital. Although a bit cosmetic in stereotyping few characters, it could pull it off with lively dialogues and brilliant cinematography. Pieces of ginger are usually added to preparations to add that surprise tinge when the base taste goes bland, Delhi - 6 had that similar ginger in form of its dialogues, every time it felt as if it was going nowhere, came a smart line which added tinge to the experience.

The movie had some memorable highs, dialogues like "Aji, bhookh mitane ke liye to kutte khate hain, insaan khate hain dil jodne ke liye" or the panoramic view of jumme ki namaz at Jama Masjid with qawwali as background were unforgettable. The very homely and cute Rama bua (Aditi Rao), the jalebi guy who believed in Bajrang bali despite being a Muslim, the respect that the old ladies (chachi) enjoy were all well fused in the movie. Music of A R Rehman came across as one of the high points of the movie, however some of the songs were more apt to Chennai - 26 than Delhi - 6, but he pulled it off with use of local instruments and voices in songs Genda Phool and Masakalli, both choreographed exceptionally well. Some smart messages like hum sab bhagwaan pe chhod dete hain, khud kucch nahi karenge which was the essence of that Sanskrit shlok about deer doesn't walk into sleeping lion's mouth, provoked some thought and pride in vedic teachings.

Having enjoyed the first half solely for its music, characters and setup, I expected the story of the movie to go somewhere in the second half, that is something I regret expecting. I could draw parallels with the director's previous flick "Rang De..", both had realistic setups, good actors and a social message, however in the previous movie the message was built up throughout the entire movie, Delhi - 6 converged to the social message read social preaching very fast towards the end with no built up in uniformity. Oversimplifying the hindu muslim rift to a misunderstanding and the animal inside us, almost questioning the intelligence of generations of Indians. Another place it fumbled was maintaining the balance between bashing hindus and muslims it subtly tilted towards the left leaning anti hindu.

All said and done, it would be hard for any Mumbaikar who have spent all their lives in "flats" to relate to interconnected one floor homes, the liveliness of Delhi. Something similar happened with Khosla ka Ghosla and Oye Lucky!.. add to it the very weak last 30 min, it came across as non-universal appeal cinema. Despite that, the 60 or so minutes of smile that the work gave me were worth the money, if you are remotely related to the northern belt and can relate to it, don't miss it.

You are not developing till you are developed!

noreply@blogger.com (Ankur) — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 15:32:00 +0000

Being a part of the bi-national family, I often enter nationalistic debates over one's countries. Recently I read an essay written by one of my niece for the admissions committee of Stanford, it was amusing to read it. The essay camouflaged the contents of Slumdog Millionaire in a prose like academic veil. The essence of it was to question the "growth" of India by citing examples of the marginalised. She cited an underaged house maid (we shall call her pinky) in her grandparents' Lucknow home as her point of sympathy, as to where she shall get education, how does the glitters of growth dazzle her? Ironically, this essay would propelled her to a campus, where she shall wear a magenta stanford t shirt made by NIKE in one of their sweetshops in India, China and other "third world" nations where several of such pinkys are exploited day in day out. The campus shall feed her lessons from professors who enthusiastically enrich the arsenal of Lockheed Martin, Northorp Grumann and General Dynamics [1] which produce america's largest export, weapons and arms that annihilate millions of pinkys around the world specially in Africa. In the end the education shall make her another part in the economic machine fueled by major businesses as Death (Arms), Death (Fast Food) and Death (Oil).

Does that make sense? Let me be a bit more lucid here. When we expose the underbelly of India and question the growth the subcontinent has seen, should we by induction go ahead and expose the much darker underbelly of america and lambast any claim of theirs to be worlds richest country? India has its pinkys and jamals, does that say US does not have its ghettos? When a self obsessed oppurtunist said "Change" has come, did that mean every homeless sleeping amidst vomit and excreta has become jubiliant overnight and have started performing musicals at the broadway? So why is it that when India said it's growing the first thing these poverty pornographers do is to find the poorest of the lot and speak out loud "gee! there aint' no growth here, I see poor people".

Sitting in plush american homes (which offcourse much less of wealth now) and touring India on a American passport teaches you as much about India as watching Saturday Night Fever teaches you about New York. What India is right now, America was the same not so far in the past. It takes a few generations to build a family, it takes another few to build a nation. Most of our parents rose up from poverty and marginal lives to give us that "middle class" upbringing, we take the batton to next level by taking our children either abroad or the best tier colleges in India and hence to the corporate, law, sports, technology leadership, this is how family grows in stature both financially and socially over generations. A country grows exactly the same way, a generation of its citizens burn the midnight oil and work beyond their means to make it grow and the batton is passed on to the next generation and so on, till there comes generation which enjoys the fruits of generations of hard work and curse inefficiency at its first sight. America has reached that generation a while ago, India on the other hand is in first few generation of hard workers, we enjoy what our fathers and elder brothers gave us, we added value to it by our labour and will pass it on to our sons and daughters. That does not mean one can not term this as growth and patt own's back.

I want to emphasise here that it doesnt matter whether you accept growth or not, it is the perspective you put it in. I commend this essay by my niece because Americans by and large what this gloomy snakecharmer image of India, the very fact that they ignored Lagaan and embraced Slumdog Millionaire is a standing testimony to this. Today while having paani-puri at a street side stall, I saw something that made me both proud and sad, the vendor had his family sitting behind him on the street, he had a daughter about 11 yrs old and a son about 8 yrs old. While enjoying the tasty treat, I closely observed the family. The daughter, had a humble school dress on, perhaps she was back from evening school and was very excited about new set of notebook and pencil, the son on the other hand was happily playing with a broken aquafina bottle on the drain embankment of the road, he was hitting the bottle with a wood plank as thin as his wrist, a game very similar to squash; The very precision with which he could hit the bottle again and again with that stick held him out. I asked the vendor, "bacchi school jaati hai?", he proudly replied, "saab, aajkal to padhne likhne mein hi barkat hai", the language told me he was from my home state of UP. This whole word sketch can easily be identified with Slumdog..but my perspective to it is growth, just a few years ago the poorest never realised the power of education, let alone sending a girl child to school. This realisation in the low income group that only way to enrich their coming generations is education is a strong signal of growth. This perspectice somehow eludes our elites, who would crib about global warming flying in their private jets and praising Salaam Bombay and Slumdog..as pieces of art.

No growth in the world is inclusive, economists world over have failed to establish a growth model that is practical yet inclusive, the best one can rely on is the trickle down effect (Which America has championed), and it takes time of the order of decades to trickle down. You can look at a house maid and cry foul over claims of growth, but you may be missing the picture here that 5 decades ago, being a house maid in the Delhis and the Bombays of India was considered a privileged job, we relied on import for even the most trivial needs. It's almost fashionable now to throw in that figure of $1 a day as benchmark for poverty, without considering Purchase power parity, cost of living index not only among countries but also inside the same country. Some stat says there are a chunk of people in India living below $ 1 a day, something like 36% of them. We conveniently forget that that a major portion of that 36 % lives in cities/towns/villages which have a cost of living index as low as 1/5th that of Mumbai, which itself has a purchase power parity of 1:10 over a currency exchange rate of 1:50, which means, 1 $ = 10 Rs in USA, and 1$ = 50 Rs in India, and in villages it means about 100 Rs. This entire mathematics dramatically inflates the number of those below poverty line. Having said that, it cannot be denied that India has a very large portion of population which is yet to see the light of development, but we are in the process and it shall take time. In India's case the time may be longer as we don't rely on blood and gore for development as USA, being not as belligerent as them at times hampers "growth". So if you are not a part of this process, all you can do is be a typical american and exploit this poverty in "rest of the world" [2] and launch yourself to higher life forms on the lines of World Bank which in the "business of povery" spends 80% of its budget not on the poor, but on first-class travel, fine dining, and hefty "consultancy fees"[3].

[1] : All the three major arms manufacturers of US have their establishments close to Stanford campus and they heavily use its academia for their R&D

[2] : As the joke goes, majority of americans don't know what is "rest of the world"

[3] : Reference from 1989 book about World Bank "Lords of Poverty"

More Bullets please, We are Indians!

noreply@blogger.com (Ankur) — Sun, 30 Nov 2008 13:38:00 +0000

10:30 on the night of this fateful Wednesday, my flatmate told me there have been some shootouts at CST, my immediate thought was that none of my acquaintances could possibly be there at that time, I relaxed and slept. Next morning I was woken up by a phone call, it was my dad, "chhotu are you ok?", "what possibly could happen to me papa?" I was still half asleep, "they have taken down the oberoi, and killed hundreds of people" my innocent dad as every scared indian at that moment was worried, still oblivious to the gravity of the situation, I said "I don't dine either at Taj or Oberoi, my company doesn't pay me as much" and I asked him to relax and slept again.

This apathy of mine is not a result of my imperviousness to pains of death, It is because after being born in India and living in Mumbai, I have realised I live because I am lucky. Every one or two years Mumbai bleeds, a bus explodes at Ghatkopar, a bogie blown at Mulund, trains taken down at all major suburban stations, I am just lucky to not to be there. I just like many people in this country am too tired to care, I know nothing is going to happen, how was this attack new? Last time when local trains were bombed 210 people died, it was spread all across mumbai and one had a higher probability to die in those attacks. Why so much fuss now? why the likes of Shobha Dey and Prahlad Kakkar come on primetime and scream enough is enough? Not because this was an attack of bigger magnitude, it was because the elite died, instead of ramji aaptes and kripashankar pandeys, ravi malhotras and adaa mulchandanis died. It is different because english speaking media's favourite man of the moment who was leading the vendetta against saffron brigade died.

As a common man, I have become too cynic to believe something will change. Let's wait another couple of years, we may have another one of these. Somethings we hardly see in us, we are very self righteous about everything, but looking from outside it turns out, we are the most self loathing nation of the lot. We dealt with the situation in a bollywood potboiler way, we had the highly educated politicians who later (after the operation was over) came up with comments like "In big cities like these, such small incidents happen and they came to kill 5000, look we contained them in such small number", then we have the english speaking self righteous media which made it a 24X7 entertainment show cashing on the sadist morbid fascination of humans. They made martyr out of ambushed IPS officers who were on their way to "take charge" by putting constables on the front line and issuing orders, and to add insult to injury we had a prime minister who when was condemning the attack in "hard" words was so uninspiringly polite that I thought he was talking to in-laws of his daughter. I couldn't care less.

I know and pretty sure nothing can be done. We have as Indians always taken pride in hating the fellow Indian, for those who have been abroad know this very well, even for those who have not think about how upset you became when your friend made it to that esteemed college and you were left behind, it was not because "I didn't make it", it was more because "why he made it?". Every Indian in US voted for Obama, not despite that he vowed to reduce H1Bs from India, but because he did that. It is called lifeboat mentality, you can google that out. No other country i know of is adept in this, we seem to have mastered this art. So when BJP talks of terror and non appeasement it is saffron, non-secular blah blah blah, being a hindu was never so sinfull, but when Congress does everything it can to appease muslims, it is secular, social equality, not all terrorists are muslims, damn you Hindus. I don't blame the Congress for this, but my problem is with the media.

When Modi says we have loose terror laws, CNN-IBN reports it as "While are forces fight, Modi critices PM, BJP talks votes", while soon after that when Amar Singh criticised Modi they headlined it as "Amar Singh exposed Modi's double standards". Modi alledgedly killed 900+ muslims in Gujrat, the Gandhi family killed 10,000 sikhs in Delhi and to their audacity claimed "ground shakes when big trees fall". Congress realised this in early 50's that they can win an election just by Muslim and Dalit votes, why care about anyone else. They and their left headed, khaadi clad JNU, Jamia Milia historians systematically deleted every fact / occasion we could have taken pride in as being a Hindu, if you remember your texts, Brahmin was bad, Brahmin caused attrocities, but Muslim clergy was reformist, they were angels, Hindu rulers did no good to the country, thank god the Slave dynasty and the Mughals descended upon us other wise we were doomed. One of Delhi's most expensive roads is Aurangzeb road, which is named after Aurangzeb, who despite being the destroyer of thousands of hindu temples was a reformist according to likes of Romila Thapar. This was never a problem to media which took pride in taking the high ground of not letting minority feel like a minority, but when BJP introduced some reality into the text, it was "saffronization". For those who don't remember their school texts in CBSE, in class VII history textbook while explaining the islaam and mughals we had the lines "la illah il allah, muhhammad ur rasool allah" and the explanation and tennets of it, but never we had the mention of Gayatri mantra. Why? because minority appeasement is secular and non-appeasement is saffron, red and god knows which other hue.

The media made Mr. Karkare a hero, a martyr not because he died in line of duty if that was the case you should also remember the name of Surjan Singh Bhandari. Do you? He was one of the NSG commandos who "actually" died in line of duty while trying to contain terrorists in Akshardhaam. Let's try again quickly recall the names of two NSG soldiers who died in Mumbai...Trouble?? Mr Karkare despite being a gentleman of very high stature, may his soul rest in peace indeed died in an attempt to safeguard Mumbai's life, but the way his sacrifice was enlarged in people's mindspace by media could only be explained by his relentless pursuit of framing hindu groups in terror related activities. This delighted the english speaking, left headed pro congress journalists like Rajdeep Sardesai and Karan Thapar. Media made this entire episode a frenzy, they showed strategic and tactical movements of army, people all across India glued to their TV sets were didn't wish it should end, but with every new development we were morbidly excited. It gave us "masala" for 60 hrs to discuss and banish politicians and go back to our offices on Monday (not because of the spirit of Mumbai, bullshit!! it's because I don't have any other choice).

None of the media highlighted the fact that we are a failure of planning. When traffic increases we make flyovers, when flyovers clog we demolish and broaden roads. We have a habit of digging the well only after we are thirsty. In the luxury of post fact we boast a lot, but look at history, terror won't take the same route again. We have given the world a lot of successfull professionals, the truth is they were smart enough to realise how big a hell hole is this country and when they got the chance they embraced the "world" only to be boasted by India as her contribution to the world.

Talk of a revolution?? France had just one Loius XVI and Russia had just one Czar, we have an army of Czars and Louis XVIs in form or Politicians, IAS, IPS. So don't react by saying "why don't you fight elections if you are sick of politicians?", well to begin with I have not raped anyone, murdered anyone nor have I got millions of rupees to campaign (Lyngdoh was prudent enough to cap university election spending, dare he do that on general elections?)....The left headed and the media will keep on "debating", they will keep on looking at in different "perspectives", we will have a stand off with Pakistan, few heads will roll and then another Cricket series will come, we will forget all this and in another 2-3 yrs this will happen again.
So I am lucky, lucky enough to not be at the wrong place at the wrong time, lucky enough to have gotten an education that would lift me out of this hellhole and give me a one way ticket to the "world".

The Angels, The City, The Sun

noreply@blogger.com (Ankur) — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 07:31:00 +0000

I took a long time to write this. When I landed at LAX, I was smitten. I thought I am pretty grown up, I can't show I am overwhelmed, so I waited for full three weeks to let it simmer. Fortunately it did not. Los Angeles translates as The Angels, and as the locals call it, The city of angels , why shouldn't they? The city has a aura around it similar to the ring at the angel's head.

They say less than 1% of the earth has Mediterranean climate, California and particularly LA is among that coveted percent. It's believed the best job in this city is that of the weather guy, all he has to do is come on air everyday and say "Folks, it's just another beautiful day as always". No wonder it is the home of who's who of world's largest entertainment industry, you can't miss the famous hilltop logo self proclaiming as the entertainment capital of the world, 'HOLLYWOOD'.

Not only the weather is pleasant, the people specially those from the fairer sex are very pleasant. Before I visited America, I had this image of average american as a stupid, obese and oblivious to the "rest of the world", it goes unsaid that the guy in that image is far more smart, fit and aware. California for one is very aware of different cultures, different origins and different tastes. A standing testimony to this fact is I got to eat Korean, Chinese (sichuan, hunan and cantonese), Japanese, Ethiopean, Italian (sicilian), North African, Brazilian, Mexican, Greek, Lebanese and Mediterranean food in just first two weeks of my arrival, and all the restaurants were at walking distance.
California is the 5th largest economy in the world (ya right! thats a state in USA), and opullence is name of the game here. I have been a car enthusiast for all my teenage life, and for someone like me to be thrown into "car country" it was much like Charlie in the chocolate factory. First day here and the minute I came out of airport, my taxi was running parallel with a Ferrari F430 and a Masseratti Quatroporte (both owned by FIAT :) ), I was in awe, a huge awe! There after living just a block away from Beverly Hills and Sunset Boulevard, exotic cars are a regular sight here. Have you ever stood at the VT station and watched a teenager guy from some obscure village in UP or Bihar arriving in Bombay for the first time? It is not like they show in movies, most of the times he tries to supress his excitement, at same time he is awestuck by the grandeur of the big city. Something similar happens to me when I see an Aston Martin zoom past me, or when a Lamborghini waits at a signal and the driver waves at me to cross the road. The teenager in me is still alive it seems, had I been any younger, I would have jumped at the sight and yelled "look papa, a ferrari!".
However, I have a part inside my brain which pinpoints with laser precision to shortcomings of any system be it an individual, a society or an ideology. Americans are funny people, They mint 1 cent, 5 cents, 10 cents and 25 cents coins, 10 cents coin is smaller than 5 cents one, and 1 cents coin is also larger than 10 cents. 1 cent coin although is in circulation and is shelled out on you as chage, it is largely useless, no vending machine takes, yuo cant go to cafeteria for a 5 $ meal and offer him 500 1 cent coins,
They make all dollars in the same size, I was almost about to give a 10 $ bill instead of a 1 $ but again, they have made it this way, it is their way :). However open they are to different cultures, their prerequisite for amalgamation is that you accept their way of living, off course you are free to bring in your ideas, which may or may not be accepted, for instance idea of fun and socializing is barbeque, most of koreans have accepted it (offcourse, South Korea is an US colony), it's just that we have hard time cooking rice on barbeque grill. They harbour a serious stereotype about almost everyone from "rest of the world", India for them is spicy food, cow worship, IT and dirty busy streets. Fine enough! I am a food enthusiast, and I was discussing food with a fine white gentleman at office, "How is Indian food different from american food?", I smiled
"our food has flavour", he looked annoyed, off course almost all of america eats bacon and scrambled eggs for breakfast, burger and fries for lunch and steak, mashed potatoes and salad for dinner, they don't even know half of world would be nauseated even by the thought of it (except South Bombay off course, for dwellers there, anything american is godsend)
Then he replied, "ya Indian food is very spicy",
I said, "even you use spices",
"not much"
"I was wondering whether you guys use oregano, parsley, rosemary, thyme, cinnamon, sage, ginger, garlic and cilantro?",
"Yes!" was the confident reply,
"Aren't they spices?" I was certain, I might offend him :)
"those are herbs",
"well that is what is used pretty much in India so how are they different from spices?",
"boy! herbs are herbs and spices are spices, spices are hot",
"well then shouldn't indian food be "hot" rather than "spicy"?"
I wanted to say "the world's hottest commercially cultivated chilly is grown in California, New Mexico and Arizona", then I thought, I might have said too much to offend him :).
The moment I landed here, the first person I spoke to at length was the taxi driver, he was a nice Armenian guy who had also served in Russian army and was fan of Dilip Kumar and Mithun da. He asked me where are you from, I said "India", he almost replied instantly "you should visit 7Eleven, you will find all your friends there, a lot of cab drivers here are also Indians", I just smiled, "ya rite! India is cab drivers, 7eleven workers and IT", so much for being the group in US with second largest median household income (after the Jewish people). He also advised me, "stay clear of hookers, if you want sex go to massage parlours",
"excuse me!" I was taken back,
"every day in the morning, I take home your young indian friends drunk and looted by the hookers, outside the bars", he replied almost as if it was indeed his regular business, I thought, "my indian friends!", I could only smile. Thank god, no one has stopped me on the road and asked me to format their Hard Drives. Why shouldn't they, the most unfit, awefully out of shape, pathetically dressed, milserly living and poor body language people group in this country is Indian IT guys, specially from down south (no offence to south, read my previous posts, I love appam, idiappam, chettinad preps, avial and above all Rajani Sar!), Most of them are so arrogant about being in US despite being bottom of food chain in corporate world, they just make me feel ashamed of being one of them, CLARIFICATION: I AM NOT AN IT GUY, but technically but in US we are not Southies or Naarthies, we hold the same Passport with 5 lions on the cover, We are all Indians here and I strongly think we have a responsibility to put our country in a smart light, not horribly dressed, Awefully out of shape and speaking english with horrendous grammar mistakes. (trivia: Indian national emblem has 5 lions not 4).
All said and done, It's a wonderfull place to visit :)

PS : 2 more months, I shall be home :)

Shades...

noreply@blogger.com (Ankur) — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 17:27:00 +0000

Most of us are unaware of Life's ever changing shades. There exists an opposite for every little thing. For black there's white, for darkness there's light... very few of us know of it's nature which is never the same.We want to be happy all the time but is it really possible?? Can all our actions be truly be ours? They're almost always influenced by our thinking which is an outcome of years of conditioning by this society. We want to live by the norms of the society, abide by it's rules and in the process we forget what makes us happy... we are always aiming to achieve the state of perfection which is recognized by all... only then do we consider ourselves happy.All of us hungry for praises, guide ourselves to achieve invincibility in our fields. Be successful in everything and then when suddenly life shows us a different shade we crumble. Our dreams suddenly shattered... forgetting the basic fact that we can't be happy till we haven't had a hint of sadness.We have to have black to say white exists... we have to have darkness to say light exists........... We have to have sadness to experience happiness.But question which bothers me still is, do the shades in the society define our level of success or we do it for our selves??

PS:: NOT MY CREATION, THIS COMES FROM A FRIEND WHO THINKS SHE DOES NOT WRITE WELL AND IS APPREHENSIVE OF PUTTING IT ON A BLOG.

Rain, Fever and a Movie

noreply@blogger.com (Ankur) — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 11:29:00 +0000

It's bad living alone, it's worse living alone in rains and it's worst living alone in rains and falling ill. Sunday, mumbai was drenched and I was down with flu in my home watching "Ugly Betty" episodes back to back, downing slices of thin crust pizza with Diet cola (as if the "diet" soda will slim the affect of that cheese!), then I came across this new movie on the internet, "Definitely, Maybe", the title and the synopsis was tempting enough to burn some bandwidth. Now at this point, if you are a worshipper of IMDB ratings and the top 250 list, or you take critics like Rajeev Masand as movie connoisseur then don't even bother.

The story is about a "ordinary" guy, who is in process of divorce and while he spends time with his 11 year old daughter, she asks him to tell her about all the women in his life. Nothing extraordinary, apart from the fact that the story was unusual. He agrees telling it with names changed and the girl takes it as a challenge to figure out who in the story her mom was, making it a "love story mystery". It's a typical romantic comedy, shot in romance capital New York (Paris is the elitist capital, New York is the real capital, I hate french elitism), focussing on the romance in early days of relationships, adding to it is the tinge of a 11 year old overinformed daughter who is just out of a school lecture about "intercourse" and asks her dad what a "threesome" was? The daughter's role is perfected by the "Little Miss Sunshine" girl, I had loved that movie and the girl so this movie was a delight.

The dad tells her the story of all his three girlfriends, no facts hidden and the girl keeps interupting with her questions and explainations. I loved watching it and feeling good, mostly because the daughter was cute but also because the father-daughter relationship was potrayed as no strings attached, no melodrama friendship. The trailer of the movie said, "The only girl who had never broken his heart, was determined to mend it", and that seemed so true for the daughter.

It was not some out of the world movie, just a feel good romantic movie that could be watched on a sunday afternoon. I have already written enough about father - daughter relationship in my earlier post, but the high point of this movie was when just before the end scene, the dad asks irritatedly "why are you so concerned with all this?" and the little girl replies with conviction "because I want you to be happy", you don't hear that often in your life, atleast with not that sort of conviction.

Nostalgia

noreply@blogger.com (Ankur) — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 13:39:00 +0000

Nostalgia literally translates as sickness to return home, in early ages it was considered a medical condition. I never considered it painfull or illness of some sort, Till today. Because of no power in my apartment last night, I had to spend the night at friend's room in IIT. In the morning, while I was about to leave, it was raining. Standing in the typical mumbai damp, dark and gloomy weather I felt an acute sting of pain, more of a sadness. Five years ago it was pretty much same time and same weather when I entered Mumbai, then for four years the monsoon was the best and the worst season of the year in Mumbai. It could be mainly because I romanticised a lot about the weather, or it could be about the night of 26th July when mumbai and my personal life were drowning.

Whatever be the reason, I did not want to stand any longer in the campus. A good memory comes back to bite me several times, and this was one such occasion, everywhere I could see my past 4 years. Nostalgia has always been potrayed as a pink, chocolatey feeling thanks to Shaan, Ali Haider and their likes to come up with beautifull college leaving songs. In real life, one feels happy when thinking about one's alma mater, but in my and many others' case, the alma mater is full of memories which we only wish to erase. Nostalgia in this mode, acts truely as a medical condition, rather untreatable medical condition.

I cleaned my iPod of all the songs I used to listen while I was in college, I don't visit those restaurants and hangout spots which I did while I was in college, All the desperation only adds to the misery. Only way out is, please mr. Ambani no more power cuts.

Long live the queen, long live uncle sam

noreply@blogger.com (Ankur) — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 10:00:00 +0000

Recently I was in a restaurant, after a nice sumptous meal we ordered something that was not on the menu. "Please, being the bill", the waiter looked at me in a way you look at sleeper class travellers while you are in the AC II tier. I felt rural at the same time I was amused when a friend repeated, "get us the check please", the waiter promptly obliged. "ah so these days we call it check, man vocabulary is changing fast" I thought. I remember when my dad used to take me to "eating out", we usually had masala dosa and frooti (and Tree Top, those who remember the delightfull fruit drink), and invariably we always ended with asking for the "bill". Where did things change then? some government circular perhaps? It was something called "americanisation".

But shouldn't we hail a "cab" instead of a "taxi", shouldn't we pocket a rupee "bill" rather than rupee "note", shouldn't we call the silencer as "muffler". Perhaps we might start that soon. We would copy everything that is chick and easy. We never thought of copying the american work culture, american hard work spirit, american quest for innovation...hogwash, why should we? We created Infosys, Wipro, Satyam our core competency is servicing others and copying, dare we even think of Apple or Google.

Be it anything we look westward for approval, Lagaan not winning the oscar was a matter of national sorrow, as if some twead sporting 60 year old caucasian who thought every Indian is from INDIANA is the perfect person to judge a song and dance sprinkled story about a village 6000 km away. The backbencher doctor from India if has a MS stamp from US is put at par with our AIIMS graduates. I know of a friend who was upset because her colleagues did not wish to goto a "mall" and prefered a museum instead, and a mutual friend watched all the episodes of American pride slapstick sitcom "FRIENDS" with subtitles. We shall go to any extent to look "cool" (an american colloquial word) and which comes in coherence with becoming american and not take pride in what we are taught as english. India took pride in mastering the language, we spoke it in perfect grammar, till uncle sam came.

It's not just the language, we just copy anything without putting our brains. In college there was a dear friend of mine, he dwelled in south bombay (You could get away with speaking hindi in DMK national convention, but dare speak it in South Bombay), he loved to dress like hiphoppers, pants low, undies visible et al and his music was 50 cents, an ex convict in US who makes a living by "singing" words which have all permutations and combinations of incest, glorification of guns, derogation of women. I mean in hiphop english it sounds like song. If abuses is what hiphop fans enjoy, why not come to me, I too can give a mouthfull :) that too in vernacular so that you can enjoy it even more.

Look around you, you might have an aunty or neighbour whose son would eat burgers and pizzas all day and his mom would sound cool by saying "o ji, bunty na he drinks only papsi ji, water to ji he deos not even touch", what a pride :), water crisis solved, infact food crisis solved.
Lets all eat like bunty and clog out arteries. There was a south bombay dweller in IIT Bombay, who did not know that flour came from wheat which came from field and NOT directly from factory packed in a packet, offcourse he also could not write his name in hindi.

French would never do it, Germans would never do it, Japs take pride in speaking japanese but we hardly care, if it's american it is "the" thing. I don't say wear a dhoti kurta to work, or shut the call centres to add dignity to our youth. But "think" before you say "check" instead of "bill", think before you long for what Joey speaks or does, think that they have worked for 200 years in their own way, their entire culture is based on doing things differently from UK, copying an idea works, but copying a country does not, even today my niece was confused over whether there is a "u" in "colour" or not? thanks to MS WORD coming out of Seattle, the "u" was sliced out.

PS: I don't watch FRIENDS, I watch Scrubs instead, it has the same nonsense english only it lacks the annoying laughter track, further in my defence I also watched Boston Legal and Yes Minister!

Delusion of Choice

noreply@blogger.com (Ankur) — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 12:35:00 +0000

While filling the school slam books just before the farewell party, there was a column "what you want to become after college", I promptly wrote "doctor", it was the 4th stop after i graduated from "astronaut" to "scientist" to "IAS officer" throughout my school. I went to Delhi for Intercollege, while choosing science, my dad asked what do you like, I said "I like maths, but score less in it i had 73% in boards in maths, I also have a very sharp memory and I love biology, I scored almost perfect in school biology", dad was not interested in long type answers, "doctor or engineer??", I said, "I don't know".."you like maths?" papa asked, "I guess so" was my reluctant reply..I didn't know what happened next, by the time I realised I was in the race which was to be finished at the "hallowed portals" of IITs (a name I had not heard till class XI). Two nei Three years of depression, discipline, no social life, numerous fictionless surfaces with rolling balls, carbon and nitrogen fighting over one bloody hydrogen atom and foot long equations under the integration symbol. And I was motivated to go to IIT, why? I never knew actually i knew, because my classmates wanted to go.. what is an engineer? who cares..

More than choice is was kind of only option left, a path I chose at a crossroad just because I did not know where to go. The ruthless race ended in a journey aboard Rajdhani Express from Delhi to Mumbai (I say ruthless because I was never "good" at maths, I was never a school topper, I was in lay man's term ghasita ram). In IIT I was laid back, hedonistic to the core, then some wise senior armed with fundaes on almost everything told me to "do" things which had "resume" value. I asked "such as?" ... he told me to work for IIT festivals such as MI, Techfest which I had little interest in, while I relaxed I saw my friends slogging to make it to "managers" of these fests, those who couldn't started their own festivals at department level and so on. I felt left behind but still I was averse to the idea of "doing" something for the sole purpose of "resume" value, I found cause-affect the other way. Resume should have thing I had done which I liked, rather than things I did to put them in resume. Everywhere there was race in the campus, and if people failed to get any resume worth place, they went for a start-up. Last year in IIT Bombay placements, almost everyone or the other was associated with some start up or the other. Boy we have abused the word "start-up" to the core.
I never knew what engineering meant while even in IIT, then came placements. As I perceived it there were broadly 4 types of jobs
1. Finance & Consulting
2. Core technical
3. accha kaam (good job)
4. Coding
Accha kaam was an area with "grey" written all over it. Anything which was not as nauseating as coding and was not as chick as Fin & consulting was accha kaam. Many companies came and seniors told us which had accha kaam, Inductis, NCDEX, Delloitte fit the bill. I sat for placements just to get a job, because everyone was getting one, "what I wanted to do" was the last thing on my mind. I got through a company which had accha kaam . Then it was a semester of booze, treats, emotions and the biggest mistake of my life.

I left the company and joined another company which had "accha kaam", now after some time I realise what accha kaam was..I look at historical data of sales, attrition and other business jargon and run fully automated tools to find mathematical equations which rule the pattern in such data. Since it is not as derogatory as coding for support software etc. (trust me it is very derogatory for IIT mind to do such a work, more than anything it qualifies for getting embarrassed in peers' mindset), but it is barely better than that, and to avoid the embarrassment it is camouflaged with some business jargon and voila! we have accha kaam, and those who do it, seniors like us who are above coding level and have not made it to cream like "consulting" and "finance" behave like we are above the cut, and to remain in high esteem use the term "accha kaam" to fool peers and juniors. Here again, I thought I had choice, but in fact I never had any choice, it was the first company i get placed into.

Like me today many of my friends too don't know where and how they have ended up here? I never knew engineer is, and yet I went to IIT. I never knew what analytics is, yet I work for an analytics firm. Sadly it does not end here, now since there is only one escape route from this, MBA so again I am in a race, to finish for IIMs, to be honest I don't know what MBA, IIMs, Investment banking, Consulting or management is about, but I want to become Investment banker because I am a masochist and want to make a lot of money. All throughout this journey, I always thought I had the choice, but it turns out, I just played along the conditions and situations in my life. Rather than making choices and governing life, Life governed me. They say growing up comes with ability make choices, but where was the choice? or there was some, delusion of choice.

PS: I thank my dad for actually not letting me take "medicine" profession, I just can't become one of those, although I had filled for National Law School, couldn't take exam because it was the same day as JEE.

Swades hai "tera"

noreply@blogger.com (Ankur) — Fri, 30 May 2008 06:35:00 +0000

A thought provoking story put with beautifull cinematography is standard recipe for good movie. Swades, was a noble attempt by Ashutosh Gowariker. I recently watched for the first time and loved it at first instance for all its ingenuity. Afterall how many movies have you watched where the "hero" sports the same shirt in 3 different shots at 3 different locations. Although there was a marathi village camouflaged as one in Uttar Pradesh and no one cared even to change the architecture of houses, and then there were marathi actors abusively faking UP accent, and it seemed like inspired by priyadarshan films where everyone was content are wearing "whites", UP villages are colourfull, atleast in terms of clothes (white clothes get dirty quickly, and we are lazy people, yes I am from UP). That is where my "production value" irritation ends.

It was a spendid story, NRI returning to India, for a practical cause, no melodrama attached. He lives in a village and finds caste, poverty, lack of education and above all laidback attitude of the village only to realise that he ought to be a part of this and give his share of contribution to its upliftment. I was a bit mellow to see the poverty, and also ashamed at the fact that I needed to watch a movie to realise the poverty which I have seen with my own eyes in real life. For a moment, I too wanted to return to my village and work for the people there (consider this as an impulse similar to crying while watching movies), but as soon as movie ends process of thinking moves from heart to head. Everything went well with Shahrukh making electricity, had the movie been a bit longer, we would have seen several government officials flockering over the village to ask for permits for almost everything.

The could have misunderstood the message from the director, but I really don't see the village as potrayed by him. To begin with the caste system, I am not an avid supporter, but it takes a lot bit more than a crying, emotional, mellow, shaved chest NRI to convince the villagers to reject the notion of caste. Also, I fail to understand why almost always the upper castes are shown elitists, and invariably all the miserable ones are the dalits, julahas et al. The poor kisaan shown in as the julaha who turned to farming, well it could very well be a brahmin, infact in eastern UP it would most probably be a brahmin.

With all due respect to them but the attrocities on these "backward" castes is highly hyped, just walk into any village from Allahabad to Buxar (Eastern UP), and randomly ask about the land ownership, almost all the land is owned by Yadavs (an OBC), Brahmins are anything but rich there, thanks to the reservation policy the employment for these "upper castes" are minimal. Last time I visited my village, there were celebrations in a fellow Dubey family because their son got into CRPF as sainik after 4 yrs of attempt, we met and talked, he told me that all his samauriyas (bhojpuri for same age peers) who were from "backward" classes had made it in first attempts and now sit a position or two above him. I woke up in the morning 4 o'clock, and in the beautifull sunrise I saw a bunch of 15 or so young boys running barefeet on a tar road for 4-5 km, before the thought of health conciousness could kick in, my uncle told me that they were preparing for army recruitment of sipahi , it didn't take me long to realise that defense had no reservations (why should OBCs, SC, STs die for the country, they are National Treasure afterall), so tht is almost only choice left, but still aren't there 50% seats left for other government services? well apart from UPSC, NO. All the vacancies are forcefully filled by OBC, SC and STs in UP Gov services, to fill infor backlog. While I was there, a notice came for the recruitment for UP Police, 300 posts and 0 for general category, by order Bahan Mayawati.
That could be just UP right? well, there are 50 Sulabh Shauchalayas in Delhi, and ALL are taken care of and cleaned by Brahmins, so much for "elite", 50 % of rickshaw pullers in NCR are Brahmins with a daily wage of 100-150, almost 90% rickshaw pullers in Benaras are Brahmins.
Yadavs sit on the 90% of assembly seats of UP and Bihar combined. 75% of domestic help in Andhra Pradesh are Brhamins and purohits are the only priest class of all major religions who live below poverty line. Village after village brahmins are displaced by dalits because dalits have 5-6 children each as they can place them with ease. Murders of brahmins, or a group of them would never be reported beyond local dailies, but "humiliation" of a dalit becomes a crime of national importance. So it should not be hard to understand that why more and more "brahmins" and "thakurs" take it to self employment of kidnapping and extortion, most famous dons on the STF top 10 list are all from these "upper castes". But still we all upper castes, who luckily make it to IITs or IIMs should "work" for "their" country to see their children slog to fight for that seat which an OBC, SC, ST might get at negative marks as well (in BHU entrance in some year in late 90's, cutoff for SC's was -5).
Now you might be tempted to talk like JNU type jhola chhap left "thinkers" and shower me with words like "social justice" etc., then either you are one of those "lower","opressed" class yourself, or you might shut up when you see your children in a position as mentioned above.

That is just to speak of the caste factor, and I also know these are just excuses because it is tough to get rid of the "ferrari" of your dreams, or the "rolex" you always wanted afterall "Hawai" is much better a honeymoon destination than "kullu manali". But it is not just an excuse, coming back to work at your "swades" is anything but as shown in the movie. My dad and I were upset over the condition of roads in our village, so my dad went and spoke to the village pradhan and asked him that we should meet the MLA or MP to talk this out, and pradhan ji idiotically replied "dekha pandi ji, vidhayak, sansad ke ihan apne laikan ka naukri lagawe bade jaai, ki i kul sadak jaisan chhot mot kaam bade jaai" (look, mr dubey, we would goto MLA or MP to get jobs for our sons, not for petty issues like roads), it might be interesting to know that the pradhan, MLA and MP all are from the same "backward" caste.

Last summer we thought of opening a good school in the village and when we were talking about the condusiveness of the idea, we got the route. Dozens of permits, bribes, life threat from a local goon (actually a pehelwan) who runs the "jagardev ahir inter kaalej", I finally postponed the idea of even thinking about that. (the school was no profit venture, infact it was a loss venture when thought from business perspective)

Coming back is not as easy as taking a flight ticket, it sounds very exciting when Shahrukh khan says "I am going places", but you just can't expect someone to leave a better life to come back and work hard to bring negative to positive, there are people who do it and think they have done something for their country, I am sorry to say, the ground reality says something else.

I have never been to US but had I been in SRK's position as shown in the movie, I would have stuck to the thought swades hai "tera", "mera" swades hone mein abhi bhi bahut der hai.

PS: generous lift of data from http://www.rediff.com/news/2006/may/23franc.htm
I don't have any grudges against "backward" caste people, I have several of them as good friends, and I realise reservation "was" necessary for upliftment.
Also neither I nor my family has any qualms against my marrying outside of caste, it's just that the look at the condition of Brahmins on the ground and the one as potryaed in the media frustates me.

Sivaji in BAAS

noreply@blogger.com (Ankur) — Thu, 29 May 2008 05:07:00 +0000

Yesterday I watched two movies, back to back. Swades and Sivaji-The Boss (tamil with english subtitles), it was interesting how the two movies are very similar yet they occupy totally different zones in our perception. Both the movies have their and their lead actors names begining with 'S' (in case you are wondering, Rajnikant's real name is Shivaji Rao Gaekwad), both have the "superstars" of their respective regions as their lead actors, both have the plot as an NRI coming back to the country (with different reasons offcourse), both find their love interest in India, both movies have their music score by A.R.Rahman. Well the similarities end here. Sivaji was a movie which amused me but did not take me by cliche of Rajni outperforming the bullet, the same people (mainly MTV worshippers and pseudo intellectual art praisers) who criticise Rajni's physics defying acts are the ones who will sleep with anyone to get the premier show invite to "oscar" winner "Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon" as if it sticks to all physics principles. Rajni flying is a catastrophe and Chow Yun Phat flying is art.

I have been to Tamil Nad and I understand what place cinema and its grandeur has in a typical tamil life. Rajni's larger than life action is not what concerns us "northies" while watching the movies, its mainly their body language, tamil body language looks like overreaction to any untrained naarth indian eye, but that is the way they are, they are expressive. Just stand in a busy market at Pondy bazar and you shall know that the body language shown in the tamil movies is anything but exageration, its their way of expression much like Italians can't say a word without making gestures with their hands.

No wonder 5 out of 7 chief ministers of Tamil Nadu (yes, 7, before 1960's tamil nadu was Madras state or Madras presidency something like that) have cinema connections. A typical tamil actor career is doing support roles, moving to Villian, then to hero and then a hero who is potrayed as doing good to the society much like what rajni does in sivaji (in case you don't know "the boss" in "Sivaji the boss" stands for Bachelor Of Social Service). Finally stop before end is either joining a political party of opening a new one and the career ends in getting a ministerial berth.

I can write on and on about why we have a problem watching Rajni dance with women half his age or why we can't digest him chewing the buller half way in its flight, but the thing is you would hardly understand unless you go to Tamil Nadu and realise their way of living. Much like you would never know how heartache feels like, unless you have it.

It's not a lion daddy!

noreply@blogger.com (Ankur) — Tue, 27 May 2008 10:19:00 +0000

A newly made friend told me that cliches are not negative, they have stood the scrutiny of time and repeated public usage to become cliches. I couldn't agree more, even though it was a totally new way of looking at cliches. One such cliche is fathers bond much better with their daughters than sons and same goes true for sons and moms. I have always observed the way fathers care about and bond with their little girls. I was at crossword this weekend, and there was a man in his early thirties, with his cute 4 yr old princess. The girl looked like an angel in her bright polka dotted frock, combined with a little hat held on her head with the help of an elastic band. The mother was nowhere to be found, no wonder the dad looked much more relaxed, at peace and much more jovial bonding with his little one. So the girl was frolicking around the shop catching the attention and cuchi-coo of all the fellow "readers", she was unfazed with whether it was philosophy section of self help, all she was looking for was her Mickey mouse sketch book. Given the disappointment I had with the books at the shop, I couldn't help but to eavesdrop on the father-daughter conversations.
"do you like this book?" asked the dad pointing at the mickey colour book, "yes, but I want that tiger" came the answer, I wasn't sure what she was talking about untill I saw the Narnia Lion on display.."it's a lion dear, not a tiger" ah, preaching papa..."it's a tiger, daddy, see"..."beta, see the hair on his neck, and there are no stripes"...."no, it's a tiger, it eats people see! daddy!" pointing at the canine tooth of the toy, she continues "but this one is a little one, it does not eat people, I'll call it smokie", aah women learn their tricks rather early in life :).
Daddy defeated, but happy went ahead to add the toy in her basket. She was more than delighted, and there seemed to be some instinct in girl children which both enhances to become maternal and enchants us men - She embraced the "tiger" like holding a baby, while nearby a boy a bit older than her took the lion by its tail and whirled it around thinking it would serve as a helicopter rotor to lift him up.
The daddy was periodically checking his blackberry but his point of focus was his girl. The same was the case with the girl, although she was having a tough time carrying both the "tiger" and the book, she kept on playing in a small "moving" circle centered at her daddy. When the daddy moved to business books, her play area was from self help to cash counter, when the daddy was at DVD section, the play area was between Hindi old cinema to cartoon DVDs. She had a perfect precision of staying within 3 feet of her daddy. Then rang the phone, daddy picked up, spoke a few words with a face not very bright, then passed on the phone to the princess, "do u wanna speak to mom", she picked up "yeah mom, i got this new tiger" that would suffice and off she was to decide whether she wanted High School Musical 1 or 2, and later she settled on both.

The entire time they were there, the daddy repeated the same sentence " do you want this?" and little lady kept on nodding in yes or no. A similar instinct happens with our girlfriends, we keep asking and they only nod in a yes. There is a remarkable similarity here, most of us long for a girlfriend who is cute rather than hot, and when it comes to a daughter no matter what she is always cute, and every moment of bonding with her goes like a first date - it's all about her. I have never seen dads declining any request of daughters unless it is extremely unreasonable. When the daughter arrives it feels like being young again and the instinct to care and put her first before anything is enhanced much like first college girlfriend, it's just an instinct we have. That is why girls' dads are the most dreaded creatures in any guy's imagination, they just want the best for their little ones.

Finally, the dad saw me observe them, I smiled and nodded, the girl took refuge behind his legs peeping out to see me. I refrain from coochi-cooing children, because I feel they despise it. So I made some faces, she seemed to like it not because the faces were funny, but because she was grown up enough to realise "what is wrong with this guy? do u really think u r funny, grow up dude". Some small talk with her dad and off I went, only to wish that my first child should be a girl.

PS: Not to say mothers care less about their little ones, afterall they are their daughters' best friends.

All I wanted to do was read a good book

noreply@blogger.com (Ankur) — Mon, 26 May 2008 05:48:00 +0000

Yesterday was a brilliant day in Mumbai, lazy Sunday afternoon, 35 degrees with 90 % humidity and no air conditioning in my apartment. What better to do than to go to the nearby air conditioned bookshop and savour some literary works. I went to Crossword, one of first and most famous bookstore chains, stepping in was a nice respite from the humid heat. Neatly stacked books everywhere. Usually I go to small book shops, tell them the books I want the voila! I am done shopping. Even with bookshop chains, I pretty much follow the same modus operandi. This was pretty much the first time I was there to "find" a good book to read, and off course observe people :)

Although it was a small store by floor area, I felt an acute need for a map. So before I could get lost, I started browsing randomly, the first section on display was "Latest Arrival", nice hard bounds and paperbacks neatly stacked. Just a glance through it enlightened me that the cost of Iraq war was 3 trillion dollar, there was some Indian princess who apparently had an extra marital affair with some Italian actor, there was some Templar/Gothic secret which was not deciphered for 800 years untill some 25 yr old professor from North Central Western University did it. I had an urge to write a book with title "The Reader is a jackass" and keep it there but then I thought maybe some off-season was going on in printing business, hence lets pass the section and move to regular favourites.

On the left came the Indian authors' section, I had always thought Indians had less exotic English, and it seems I was wrong always. The titles themselves were so cryptic as if they were carefully drafted to play the game "guess whats inside just by reading the title". Forgive me for being ignoramus but I really fail to understand whats there in the book titled "An Equal Music", or "The Interpreter of Maladies", but then again we are the people who are credited with world's longest poem. So I picked up 5 books randomly from the section, and skimmed through the pages and synopsis. Invariably all had some form of 1947, Bombay, Calcutta, Royalty etc., it seems all the Indian authors are just not ready to accept that India today and India yesterday are different, apart from Bombay, Delhi and Calcutta there are cities like Indore, Varanasi, Lucknow, Pune which house some good population of the country, and they are oblivious to pre independence royalty, adultery in south Bombay and nostalgia of Calcutta coffee house.

With some disappointment and a little hope, I moved away to western fiction section. Just like their Indian counterparts, they too suffer the problem of writing again and again about the same thing, I mean isn't there anything other than Lawyers, adultery, super rich, doctors and medieval Europe secret to write about? and to make it worst, there was a section at the bottom with little flower in the publishers' name, it was unmistakably Mills and Boons, the entire publishing is based on the idea of taking multiple type of people in the population and making them love each other one by one. One book had lawyer loving a doctor, other had banker loving a lawyer, then there was a cartoonist loving a nurse so and so forth, only there were no engineers to be found.

Briefly I glanced through the Health and cooking section, and I realised Tarla dalal had published as many books as the number of recipes known in an average household. Also there was a health magazine which had a tempting headline "your way to 6 packs in 6 weeks", now that is tempting..

Finally before I was about to give up, I landed up in Business books section, It is the most entertaining of all. Somehow I have noticed, business books and self help books are usually stacked together (off course with demarcation on segments), so there was a youngish guy reading "Men are from mars, Women are from Venus", poor guy, just out of a breakup..
There were the regulars there, which told me that there were some 10 things which millionaires did, there are some 15 ways by which I could become an investment super guru and what are the 20 things that made Toyota, Honda and Mitsubishi...and there was new league as well, a league of economists claiming that everything in the world is based on economics (=)) as if economics is a science), they could tell me who pays for my coffee by economics (genius!! I must say).

Finally I ended up in the Dilbert section, picked up the only book which I haven't read and ended the voyage. At the back of every penguin book their business inception idea is written, "all he wanted to do was to read a decent book" was the idea that led the founder of Penguin Books to open the company. That is exactly what I wanted to do, if only any publisher or author meant anything by this idea.

PS: I hold deep respect for all authors everywhere, it's just that I also hold deep respect for my inner cynic :)

Information Overdose

noreply@blogger.com (Ankur) — Fri, 23 May 2008 06:26:00 +0000

Paul Julius Reuter might be the first person to exploit the financial power of information but the importance of information was known to humans since time immemorial. I believe it should be put in the same league as that of food, shelter, clothes and sex. But unlike these, information is something which is good only in stipulated amount. Less information is fatal, so is excess information. One might argue, excess information can make money, well I feel that is not excess information, that comes well inside stipulated information zone. Excess information should be thought of something as you want to know but you shouldn't know.

I feel I should have been much more happy, if I was not polluted by vestigial information. While in school, I enjoyed studying all subjects, and I never bothered how others scored. Soon I was informed how others scored higher in maths, biology etc. so instead of enjoying the subject and learning, I started finding out shortcuts to solve maths problems, and mugging up biology. It didn't stop there. At almost every stage of life, the information of what others are doing directed my course of action. When I made it to IIT, the first thing I did was to figure out how many from my class in school made it along with me and I have to confess the joy of knowing that I was the only one from my class was much more than the joy of making it to the most prestigious engineering college in India. After IIT if I see myself as stand alone and weigh my pleasures in life, I shall be more than content but the desire for excess information led to me gather that I stand in the median deciles of salary of my graduation class, so despite the fact that I earn almost 3 times of most of my friends from not so exotic colleges, I am still unhappy just because I know half of my graduation class earns more than I do.

I have been in consistent pursuit of happiness, and the biggest trouble has been information, excess information. We are a over informed society, we keep in touch with almost all our peers, be they from school, college or workplace. Internet and social networking sites have only made it worst. I recently broke up and it was one way, (i.e. I did not want it to happen), so like every breakup the friends also part ways, my friends on my side, her friends on her side, and mutual friends have to either take sides or maintain a diplomatic stance. But I made one fatal mistake of keeping in touch with one mutual friend who knew little of diplomacy, she told me my ex got married. Now I would have done very well if I was not supplied with that information , but now that I was given that information, the desire for excess information kicked in and I went ahead and dug out every thing about my ex's new muse, only to make myself much more miserable by comparing myself with him. Looking back, I feel I would have been much more happier had I not known these developments.

Something similar happened when I was the mutual friend in one of my friend's breakup. The guy mailed me some pics of his new girlfriend, the girl however was very keen on knowing how is he doing in his post breakup life. I told the girl, "if you really want to get over it, don't try to figure out what he is doing in his life, help me help you", but we all know how seriously we take others' advice, that too unsolicited advice. She checked my computer and told me, "the new girl is not as beautiful as I am", I agreed, "yupp!",
"I am more beautiful, ain't I", I replied "do you care?", she was a bit confused "I guess, I do"
"why?"
She didn't have a reply for that, and I could see her visibly distressed for another couple of weeks. No one but her own curiosity to know unnecessary information added the gloom in her life.
I took CAT 2006, I scored decent but didn't get any calls, I was not that unhappy, until I called one of my old school pals she had made it to IIM L, I and K GD/PI list, I acted as if I was more than delighted to hear the news, but now the pain of my failing to make it to the list was exacerbated. I would have done much better in handling the failure had I not pursued the hunger for unnecessary information.

We all must have seen the classic, A few good men and the famous scene where Jack Nicholson replies to Tom Cruise's quest for truth as "You can't handle the truth", I think that is the case with most of us. Most of us buy sorrow by looking for information we want to know but we shouldn't know.

I am desperately trying to keep myself off the information pollution highway, with little or no result. When our forefathers said ignorance is a bliss they were not joking, we would have realised that only if we had taken the high school proverbs' chapter seriously.

the 3 mistakes of my life

noreply@blogger.com (Ankur) — Tue, 20 May 2008 05:58:00 +0000

There are only a few things I hate more than my emotions - cricket, medical students/doctors, pseudo intellectual religious humanism and darkness, "the 3 mistakes of my life" had them all. After reading "5 point someone" and "A night at call centre" I was determined not to fall for another Chetan Bhagat nonsense, but luck seems to be on his side. While waiting for the delayed flight at the airport, 250 pages for 95 Rs, seemed like a deal to me moreover there was a curious fascination with the bright yellow cover of the book, Ok! ok! I accept it, whatever be the level of despise for his last two books, I wanted to read his new book (something similar to a morbid fascination).

An old saying warns us against judging a book by its cover, for me though the entire reading experience begins from the visual sense. The cover of the book is important to me, not to judge but it is a part of the experience. With a bright yellow cover and 3 silhouettes standing as cricket stumps with bells off, it looked more like a film poster than a book cover, no wonder his acknowledgement page has names like salman khan, sharman joshi and "all my friends in the film industry". The synopsis of the book had words like "Ahmadabad", "year 2000", "dreams", "turbulent city", I was not hard to figure out that the book takes Gujarat riots and Earthquake as its backdrop.

The book begins with a prologue, where Mr. Bhagat mentions the source of this story, much like the one in his last book. Then the story begins in first person narration with the protagonist being the narrator. It takes a fascinating yet dark tour of Ahmadabad. I would not say that the the pages are as spellbinding as any thriller fiction, but it is a reasonably hard to keep the book down before finishing it. I like reading fiction and listening to radio mainly because it involves a lot of imagination, so is the case with this book. However the imagination part is not tough here, because it is the story of a middle class youth, his aspirations, his failures, his love, his regret, his friends and his thinking. Five pages into the book and I could relate to this Mr Govind Patel (narrator), picturing the rest of narration was easy. The story is fairly predictable, but still I was hooked on to it, just because I wanted to cross check whether my prediction is correct or not. The book moves back and forth between predictable path and unpredictable detours. I started reading the book at 11 in the morning and finished it at 8 in the night, in the meanwhile I had my share of smiles for I recalled my triumph, my first romantic talk, my first date and my first kiss, I had my share of agony for I recalled my failures, my bad judgements, my choice of engineering over cricket. It was an extended roller coaster ride of emotions.

The praise for the books mention "the biggest selling english-language novelist in India's history" and when you read this book, you will find the reason for this. We have numerous novels about middle class youth, or the common man, but most of them have come from the likes of Vikram Seth and Pankaj Mishra. They still have a hard time reconciling with the fact that middle class youth or the common man can not relate to book which has to be purchased with a dictionary and they are fascinated with the image of India they have taken from their young age i.e. 70's, 80's and the early 90's. They remain to be the pseudo intellectual elitist.
Chetan Bhagat on the other hand, writes easy to read, simple English and the elements of the story are so much realistic to the modern day middle class, you can't help but to love it. Right from binary career choice of doctor vs engineer to shoe string budget birthday celebration of first love, everything is impeccably life like detailed. The book has a joke about the size and weight of the IIT preparation maths book by M.L.Khanna, there is a mention of the terrifying content of Resnick Halliday Physics, there is a cricket match description as viewed from our living room and trust me you would feel as if you were part of the discussion. The love story is as chocolaty as it could be, from hand made "get well soon" cards hidden in maths books, to the guy getting scared of mention of the two dreaded "P" words, it has it all. It was a sudden realisation while reading that in real life, real teenage life relationships do not start with "I Love you", but they progress from friends, to close-friends, to true-close-friends to "I missed you" before actually getting down to the 3 mystical words.

The book was a fun read, but I couldn't help but to notice certain similarities from other works. For instance, Govind's popping of a sleeping pill with every sentence was shamelessly identical to the end of Khushwant Singh's "The Company of Women", Ali's cricket voyage was in theatres near you sometime ago, it was called "IQBAL", and the end fight sequence was a cocktail of so many bollywood potboilers that I didn't even bother to recall the original ones. With so much of grief and darkness in the beginning and some moments of joyful heights I expected the book to end on a dark yet optimistic note, rather than the happy, cheerful, filmy ending. But I guess that is why both his previous works are getting on 70 mm now, the reading is much like watching a movie, a much more involving movie.

We are like that only

noreply@blogger.com (Ankur) — Wed, 14 May 2008 11:49:00 +0000

While in a boring office meeting in the office, a document was required and one of my colleagues rushed out saying, "I am having it in my system, I am just bringing it". Being an MBA ASSpirant, wrong english in any form generates an irritation similar to the one created by sound of scratching chalk on glass board. Even though my knowledge of the language is half cooked to say the least, it doesn't stop me from correcting people when they speak incorrect english. In the process I have offended, my BTP guide, my dad, my brother, my boss and the list goes on...

English is not our first language, although India has the highest number of english speakers in the world (power of population you see!). So despite the fact that most of us have learnt english right from the primary school, we have an instinct to translate from the vernacular when we speak. So ideally when it should be "I take the exam", we say "I give the exam". But if you think translating vernacular is the only problem then I might add here that the bigger problem is whatever english we are exposed to, is American, we are surrounded by American movies, American songs, American advertisements. So when McDonald's catch line says "I'm lovin' it", it escapes unnoticed that the queen would have committed suicide at the look of it.

Take your pick, Times of India, India Today, Outlook, Indian Express can all be used to practice sentence correction. They all are full of blunders. But, didn't our parents ask us to read "english" newspapers to improve english? If only their innocence allowed them to see the crap in those papers.

I learnt most of my english speaking from HBO and Star Movies in the summer vacations of school time. Not a very wise choice I must say, then one day I was watching British classic "Yes Minister!", there Sir Humphrey utters "It was I, minister!", I was utterly confused, shouldn't it be "It was me", we usually say "It's me". Well, it turned out that usually we are wrong. I is subjective case and me is objective case and blah blah blah. Turning back to Wren and Martin seemed like call of the day, but it turned out that it had its share of discrepancies. So out of sheer frustration I thought why the hell am I supposed to learn pure english just for the sake of getting into a B-School? When the truth is that colloquial english is miles away from classic queen's version. Well is it? It took me a lot of time to realise that while Americans are happy saying, "johny and me went to the parlor", their books and formal language are by and large devoid of such crimes.

If at this stage you are asking what is the way to perfect english, I would say I don't know, I tried reading good non-fiction (I don't have any reservation against fiction, find writing non-fiction more intellectual), but I am very lazy there, I tried getting my basics correct, which were pretty much correct I gathered. It is just the pollution of incorrect english that erodes the all the good english in you. If you can find a way to get away from such pollution, kindly enlighten me.

Whatever be the case, whatever be the level of pure english we inculcate and farther the distance becomes from our vernacular...a majority of population in this country would still confidently throw sentence like "I am having two children" but isn't that the way language evolves? and speaking of us Indian, well "we are like that only".

PS: With all due respect to the author of the book "we are like that only", nor have I read it, neither do I know the author. I just came across it in a book shop and the title was tempting enough to write an article about it.

Quoting your way to becoming intellectual (atleast sound like one)

noreply@blogger.com (Ankur) — Tue, 13 May 2008 08:29:00 +0000

Today morning, while still enjoying my first cup of coffee in the office, I ran into one of my "well read" colleagues. I tried some small talk but she was ruffled by the cat that crossed her path in the morning, "do you believe in superstitions Mr. Dubey", she asked with apprehension in her voice, here was the point where my genes kicked in, being a guy asks for being witty and smart sounding in such situations. I said with a smile "Well, I don't believe in superstitions but whats the harm in touching wood"(bulls eye!). She seemed impressed, "Bertrand Russell?", I was taken by surprise, I said "I think it is Sir George Bernard Shaw" (that is the only name I know, who people know but never read), "Wow!" came the reply "I am an avid follower of Mr. Shaw, what all plays have you read".....I thought "plays???? I thought he was a philosopher", clearly a catastrophe was about to happen here, I got myself together and answered "Well, I read a couple of them while I was young (mind you I am 23) "
before she could ask precisely which ones, her manager called for her, she left saying "We should meet over a coffee and discuss some of his works!", I smiled and she left.
"phew, it was close" I thought.

What is the point of this entire self embarrassing story of mine? To begin with, we all want to be intellectuals (if only we knew what intellect means), being one is a tough and time consuming job. So we all settle with sounding like one, at least so much that most of people we meet should think of us as well read, smart and full of wit (somewhere close to intellectual behaviour). Quoting Great people is the quickest and best way of doing this. However, in the process we end up making fools of ourselves, something like what I did today morning. So I decided, I need to enlighten you up with some do's and don't of the process. (remember the Reliance commercial, bhaiya hindustan mein muft ki advice bahut milti hai! :) )

Buy a quotes book, read it every morning. The catch here is there are two types of great people, one who all of us know about and the other only a few elite know about, for example Mahatma Gandhi and Friedrich Nietzche. Learn a mix of quotes from both these segments. Now, quoting Mahatma Gandhi would be safe, no one would ask whether you have read "My Experiment with truth", but the effect is not as grand as quoting Friedrich Nietzche but it may boomerang on you if the person asks you "Impressive, do you follow Nietzche?", and you end up wondering whether Nietzche was a philosopher or a 50's Hollywood star.
So depending on the person you are facing you could quote someone you know slightly about or you could quote someone whom none of you know anything about. The entire art is to judge the person. For instance while meeting someone over business, safely quote the author of last book you read (if you do not read books for god sake memorise the best seller (non-fiction) chart from India-Today), because the person in question would most likely be an MBA and he too shall be trying to give an impression of intellectual. Whereas, if you face a girl whom you want to hit on, quote some exotic unknown person, preferably French something like Jean-Paul Sartre (it sounds very exotic, trust me), in all probability she would be impressed without asking questions (again, we all have our bad days, like today morning).

Another big "in your face" problem is, confidently quoting someone whose book you have read or are reading...but you take a big hit when we are asked what other books have you read of the author. For instance, you are reading "Jurassic Park" and you quote something on Fractals or Chaos theory, when asked about what all other books you have read from Michael Crichton, you are clueless and the person is left thinking "AAh! it's just a one book tide you are riding on"...So it's always a good habit to read the "Other works from the author" page in the book, if possible also learn what the books are about.

Before I end, a quick reminder on who all are quotable and who all are not. I don't question your intelligence here, but I have seen people quoting Shahrukh Khan in an effort to look cool, for heaven's sake it is a sure shot recipe for disaster. A good quotes book would solve such a problem, but to be on the safe side, try not quoting someone from the entertainment or sports unless the person is very old or belonged to some golden era. You can safely quote Humphrey Bogart, but do not quote Tom Cruise. Prefer western names over Indian ones, quoting Indians is utterly uncool unless they are veteran politicians, poets or famous scientists also Indian names are risky as everyone would know about them.

I hope my unsolicited advice comes handy to you, although I have not written an separate disclaimer, if ever anything goes wrong with my unsolicited advice, then kindly use your brains and escape from the situation like I did today morning.

"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." - Oscar Wilde

PS: I assume here that you are smart enough to avoid out-of-context quoting. You don't really need to read this post if you quote Winston Churchill's quotes on War when the discussion is about a cricket match.

All in the name of social networking

noreply@blogger.com (Ankur) — Mon, 12 May 2008 08:24:00 +0000

Somethings just kick off the deepest instinct in you, which you had been trying to suppress for ages. In my case it is the behaviour of homo sapien on these so called "social networking" sites, that sparks off my inner cynic. Cynicism is something I do best and have been trying to hide since some time now.

The other day, I logged into one of the most popular "social networking" sites, Orkut, there was a friend in my list whose face I could recognise but his name was "in London - new number for 2 months 0044...", I questioned given he is a guy and has no girlfriend, how many people would be calling him even while he was in India? If he starts counting on fingers, my bet is his right hand itself would suffice. Ok, I get it he is in London, then again guys is it that big a deal? In the days when travelling abroad is more of a matter of choice than chance, isn't flashing one's photo with Big Ben a bit too much. Take another instance, One of random guys (actually a friend's friend) puts his name as "in XYZ city, new pics uploaded" and was accompanied with a picture of him standing with 4 or so blond girls, all taller than him and a brief description of the guy in question would have words like short, dark, ugly, underweight etc. Off course we are so happy and delighted to gather that he has uploaded new pics, watching him in Vatican is such a delight I wad dying to see. Now could anyone explain me what has social networking to do with my knowing the fact that you are in some exotic European city and are embarrassing yourself by clicking pictures of yourself with relatively very beautiful people. I am more than certain that none of those chicks would have noticed that they were in frame.

"Orkutting" as the word has become, would showcase many such "cases" which escape my entire idea of social networking, in fact they escape my idea of any normal human behaviour. Consider this, one of girls in my friend list got addmission to SP Jain management institute, I know it is a good institute, but wouldn't taking a picture of yourself at the gate sign of the institute framing the name by your hands way off place. First thing that comes with the name of a very good institution is modesty, none of my friends I know from IIMs or IITs do such an idiotic act. But then again, modesty is not a virtue we have by and large.

Then we have a lot of "profiles" where "about me" is written as "why do you care" or "I'm here to find my old friends so f*** off" and similar offensive stands, now will someone tell these people that contrary to their self illusion the world out there is not chasing them to make friends with. It was sheer misfortune that we the poor guys landed on such profiles.

We have hoards of other people who really act foolish and think they are "cool" (amusingly it is also mentioned in such profiles that "I am cool,..."), we have girls who will put pictures of soft toys, babies etc in their profiles in name of privacy (also trying to act cute) and have no issues telling the whole world what they chitchat in scraps, their ideal match, what all and what not. We have guys who shall put their images on their bikes such as Pulsar or CBZ sporting a pair of goggles and think they are taken as lead in DHOOM 3, I am no girl's specialist but I am certain most of the sane ones will nauseate by even the thought of such an image, let alone watching it.

One may come up with the argument that those status messages, pictures etc are not for you, but are for specific people they know. Well, then there are more discrete ways of doing it, you could always send an email to all concerned people about your new number, or upload the pictures at some private album so that all concerned people are the only ones to see it, check that savour it. The truth is some of us suffer from a serious condition similar to exhibitionists, they think everyone wants to see and know what they are doing and if we see them in US or Europe we shall think they are cool....trust me that is delusional to the core.

The idea is modesty a word we fail to realise in our real life, and it is the virtue that commands respect and "coolness" in more streets term. I don't know what is social networking all about, but I surely know what it is not about and it is not about being stupid showoffs and hypocrites.

Boston Legal - Best of Danny Crane

noreply@blogger.com (Ankur) — Fri, 09 May 2008 17:43:00 +0000

I couldn't help but write the best dailogues from my favourite TV serial, Boston Legal. Behold the mad cow!

Random Girl: How much notice do you need?
DC: Ready now..
Random Girl: Condoms?
DC: (flashing a key ring with a string of 20 condoms) Danny Crane, to serve and protect...
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DC: I had sex 10 min ago, right here...
Allan Shore: U had sex 10 min ago?
DC: Finished 9 min ago, I was incredible..
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DC: We are going to New orleans? lets go and sieze the hookers, My p**** is already packed..
Allan: Danny, it's legal matter involving a death sentence..
DC: Danny crane, never lost a case, never will
Random girl: But I have only two tickets (smilling)
DC: Gee..I only have a Gulftream....(it's a private jet)
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DC:(walking without trousers)
Sherley: Danny do you feel a breeze
DC: You think I am crazy, I spilled water on them, choice was between looking incompetent or eccentric, what would you choose?
Sherley: You could have waited
DC: And sit in my office all day long, Life is a cabaret man...(and walks on in full suit without trousers)
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DC: I have an erection. That's a good sign. I'm ready to go to trial. Lock and load.
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DC: You hear the one about the fella who died, went to the pearly gates? St. Peter let him in. Sees a guy in a suit making a closing argument. Says, "Who's that?" St. Peter says, "Oh, that's God. Thinks he's Denny Crane."
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Denny Crane: How can you ban red meat?
Dominick Ryan: Well, they've got a whole campaign, they're going to go with it. They plan to promote Summersport as the seafood capital of the world.
Denny Crane: We're carnivores. When the pilgrims landed, first thing they did was eat a few Indians.
Dominick Ryan: [Shirley and Dominick stare at him] Is there anything we can do?
Shirley Schmidt: We'll get in the media TRO.
Denny Crane: I'll argue it myself. Ban red meat. That cannot pass Constitutional mustard.
Shirley Schmidt: The word is "muster", Denny, but you're right, the law lacks condiments.
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Denny Crane: You left me, Shirley. Women don't leave Denny Crane. And for a secretary!
Shirley Schmidt: It was the Secretary of Defense.
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Brian Stevens: Motion for continuance is denied.
Denny Crane: You know what I'm going to do, Brian, just to show you there are no hard feelings? I'm going to sleep with your wife.

A brush of opulence

noreply@blogger.com (Ankur) — Fri, 09 May 2008 09:50:00 +0000

Past two days have been different, a treat to senses I must say. Yesterday was Akshay Tritiya, so I purchased gold for the first time in my life, in fact it was the first time I had seen pure gold. I recall once arguing with my mom that "why are people crazy about gold?", my mom replied with some irritation, "When you don't understand anything, then either ask question about it in inquisitive manner or just shut up!", I got my reply yesterday. It might be the psychological factor of spending money that could buy two designer denims and get in return a tiny metal, then respect for it is bound to go up. Whatever it is, but when you look at the yellow glitter of the tiny metal, there is a strange charisma of it, no wonder why blood has been splattered all across ages in pursuit of this gift of nature. Sudden burst of having money gushes through the spine, despite the fact that I did not have any money left after buying it.

Cut to today, I went to BOSE store to purchase my long time fantasy and the least expensive thing they offer - In Ear Headphones. Firstly as soon as I entered the store there was a prompt sales man, he walked up to me and greeted so politely that I was taken back, much like when you travel by air for the first time and and you are taken back the cosmetic politeness of air staff. I told him what I wanted, he obliged and gave me a demo of the headphones, everything it seemed was perfected, right from the store merchandising to their choice of demo song - it was "hotel california (live)" , while listening the song, I closed my eyes and it felt like the music was pumped directly in my head, had I kept my eyes closed for a little while longer I could have differentiated between notes from all 6 strings of the guitars. It goes unsaid that I was impressed, better word would be smitten and then they suggested me to try BOSE QC3, which were priced 4 times of what I was there to pay for, needless to say I passed. However I went ahead and made my payment, soon after that there was a guy who wanted to buy their home entertainment system (more on that guy in next post), they offered him a BOSE experience in a mini theatre they had, since there was some time in my billing they asked me to attend it as well. I said "why not!". It was a small room with 4 "large" Bose speakers, and a projection screen, the presentation movie went well and I thought it was OK till it reached the point when they explained how is BOSE different from the world. I quote the narrator, "a real movie experience is when you feel that you are in the scene", they showed a scene from a Russel Crowe starer pirate movie, where the crew shoots cannons, With the first shot I could feel a cannon whooshing past my left ear, I chill ran up my spine and suddenly I could feel another cannon dropping right in front of me, I was spellbound. I have been to several great movie theatres, but this small room gave me an audio-visual treat second to none. Then the presenter came and removed the lid from those "large" speakers and I jumped in my chair, there were 8 small cuboid speaker of the size no larger than those old glass paper weights we all had seen in sarkari offices. Nothing more was required from their store now, when they said "better sound through research", I totally agreed, just wanted to change it to "best sound through, check that heavenly sound through research or whatever magic you do"..

I remember when I was young (10 yrs or so) , I was told branded and designer stuff is just same as the local stuff we get on our nukkad, they are just packaged nicely to fool the rich people. Well, whoever told me that if I meet him now, it would have serious repercussions. First of all rich people are not fools, the very fact of their opulence makes their being smart redundant. Second of all, expensive stuff is not always packaged good, mostly it has something which is exclusive, someone who has not experienced a BOSE would never know it, because it is unmatched.

While I was leaving the BOSE store, the sales man said "Congratulations! sir", I was again surprised, "why?", promptly came the reply, "You are now a proud owner of BOSE product". I wondered is it that big a deal? Perhaps it is. For the first time in my life I felt rich after spending almost all the money I had in my bank :)

Who ever said, "Money can't buy you happiness" was bullshitting big time.

PS: Koi udhaar de do, I am broke :)

Friends

noreply@blogger.com (Ankur) — Thu, 08 May 2008 14:16:00 +0000

I have always had trouble making friends, that too guys are friends, big aaaarrrgghhh. Although I am jovial, I have always been part of the camaraderie, but friends? none till lately. I don't remember having any friend till I was in class IX, in that class I did a play for annual day and was playing the role of a weak husband, my wife's role was played by a senior. All the while we practiced, she tried to tell me the importance of friends, and I was smitten by her, so at the end she asked "so now, who do you want to make friends with?", I shamelessly said, "You!", she was trapped afterall she entered the danger zone by herself :). Long story short, she was my best friend for next two years.

Women (girls) were someone I was always comfortable with, in school I was the alpha-male, do not confuse it with being Casanova, I was the part of the 'boys' gang, but when it came to sharing personal jibber jabber, I used to turn to my dynamic circle of "friends" all of them girls, some from senior batch, some from my class. Hardly was there a guy who would have known more about me than my hostel warden. I just wasn't comfortable talkin emotional stuff with guys.

All went well, till it came, IIT Bombay. Not to say that there weren't girls here, but 5% is a number which is not only ignored, but also seen as noise in most cases and filtered out.

IT WAS A BIT TOO HONEST AFTER THIS, AS SUGGESTED BY PRAGYA, ALTHOUGH I DON"T SUBSCRIBE TO THE IDEA OF CHANGING MY POST BASED ON OTHERS' OPINIONS, BUT I CAN'T HELP THE FACT THAT MOST PEOPLE READING THIS WOULD LEAVE NO EVENT TO EMBARRASS ME

Bana - Ras

noreply@blogger.com (Ankur) — Wed, 07 May 2008 05:34:00 +0000

Today morning I woke up and in the lazyness of the moment switched on the TV to watch a show covering Benaras street food. I jumped up in my bed to watch kashi chaat bhandar and kachori galli on the screen, it's always fun to watch one's own city on TV. Although Benaras has been covered in many small screen shows most of them lining up to show the mysterious, spiritual and holi side of the city to the likes of shobha dey and karan johar. There is a whole different side of the city which is almost always ignored by these YSL sporting south bombay dwellers, and that is the food of the place. The show in question although came close to it, but again the presenters were cliched ridden english speaking mumbaikars who think everyone in Benaras is like Amitabh in Chhora Ganga kinare waala.
The show took us to ghats, showed us stalls selling jalebi, kachori sabji, lassi etc which is a typical Benarasi breakfast, but one can't cover a city with so much of cullinary legacy in 30 minutes minus commercial breaks. So I decided to write this just to give a glimpse of what Benarasi food is about and how less we (and I) know about it.

I am an amateur cook, I love to cook, I learn every new dish that comes my way. So once I was asked by a girl I was hitting on that what all dishes I could cook, and like a smitten 15 yr old I started counting dishes I knew, off came words like, Rajma, Sambar, Sabji, Biryani, etc etc I never realised it till late that all those dishes were popular dishes served all across India and were made popular by excellent marketing by the respective states. Off course had I said I know how to cook Nimona, Bhauri-Chokkha, Pithouri and Tahri she would have run away ( which she did, by the way, irrespective of what I could cook)

The first shock that comes to any oursider is that meat is absent from any Benarasi preparation I know of, forget chicken even fish is not welcome in most kitchens there despite the fact that city was blessed with 2 ney 3 rivers ( I said 'was' because two of them have now turned into drains). So what do they eat? How can an entire cousine be created out of ghaas foos, Well we tend to confuse Benaras with Awadh because of its close proximity to Lucknow, which is known for its rich meat platter. But that is Lucknow - city of nawabs, we are Benaras - the city of gods.

Many preparations or their fundamental spices originated from Benaras, for instance ghughni a popular snack in Calcutta has its roots in Benaras, Dum Aalloo is a creation of Benaras. Sweets like Gulab Jamun, Rajbhog, Malai pudi and Khoa preparations were invented and perfected in the city. Even the spice mixtures which are the hearts of most of the popular preparations like mutter paneer, Rajma, Chhole etc were first made in Benaras. This is just to speak of the dishes which are known to us. The list of dishes which are not known to us and are or would be lost in time is equally large.

I went to a upscale Mumbai restaurant last week and while browsing through the menu I spotted a dish called Nimona (a heavenly preparation from the land of gods - Benaras), I was delighted, It was almost the first time I had spotted a traditional preparation on the such a decorated menu. I shall take a quick moment here to tell what is Nimona, it is a preparation
of fresh green peas and dried dumplings called kohndauri, it is partially is a daal and partially a sabji and fully yumm!

So you might ask the question, why is that we don't know much about all this? well the answer is we are laid back people, of all the people I know, Benarasis are least enterprising, how many Pandeys, Dubey, Tiwaris and Yadavs you know who have made to the CEO of a blue chip firm, or opened a company to lead. Don't count Mr. Bacchan, he is an anomaly. The idea is, food becomes popular when there enough people in a community to pay for it, traditionally Punjabis, Gujratis and Tamil Brahmins were the big hitters and the ones with enough disposable income adding to the eating out culture. Later Bengalis added to the league following the failed Naxal movement, all the "left intellectuals" took to IIMs and other reputed institutions just so to enter the corporate league. But we Benarasis were always taken by the dream of becoming IAS officers, politicians or sarkari jobs, We hardly had a culture of eating out, off course no restaurant in Delhi or Mumbai would serve Pithouri on their menu when the demand for Rajma is prime.

However, slowly but steady a small fragment of people like me, who left Benaras to study in the Bombays and the Delhis, and dream of making big bucks in US, Europe or Indian corporate sector would come up as a niche segment for such menu. All I dream for this is that the name of Nimona Chawal taken in the same breath as that of Rajma Chawal, a bit too far fetched, off course I don't have to pay for a dream :)

As a local city saying goes, Benaras is "Bana - Ras" which translates as "make taste". Allthough I despised the presenters of the show, I would end with a quote from their show.
"A morning with sabji and kachori, that is Benaras in full glory"

PS: Inputs taken from My brother, although he does not know it. Wiki has been helpfull and truth be told, I don't know how to prepare Nimona