We are totally not ready to move out of state until December.  We may not be ready financially.  We may not be done with school.  I just don’t know. 

We do know one thing, we won’ t be gardening this summer. We won’ t be worrying much about putting our money in to the yard.  We won’t worry about getting any crabgrass killer.    We won’t be buying any seeds to plant.  We just won’t be worrying about putting our own money in to the house anymore.

Basically this is mildly a good thing.  It has made it so we can’t drag our feet anymore.  We are moving. We may even be moving sooner than expected.  Let’s just cross our fingers nothing happens until after we move.

I still have this semester to finish and so far I have done really well.  I am hoping to finish with a 4.0 GPA.  I currently have a 4.0 but anything can happen this semester.  LOL!

I just can’t believe how fast the past 2 years have gone.  Tony and I will have completed 5 semesters of college, maintained our household, our jobs (I now work a part time job and have been since September of last year), and everything else that goes along with our life.

The only thing I feel that has fallen by the wayside is our relationship.  I mean we knew what we were getting in to but I feel we have NO TIME to spend together.  It seems like when we do have any time (like over the break in between Fall and Spring) we didn’t spend any of it alone.  We didn’t go on a date or nothing.  Sometimes I wonder if he wants to spend time alone with me.

When we first started dating, we were only together for about 9 months before we started to have kids.  WOW, that sounds so quick now that I actually say it “out loud.”  We didn’t try very long before I got pregnant.  From that point on I was almost constantly pregnant or healing from a pregnancy for the following 3 years.  Shortly after we had our little boy (2 years ago) we decided to go back to college.  That now brings us to the present.  I just wonder if we really spent any “alone” time before diving in to “parenthood” together.  I was already a parent and entered our relationship with a 9 year old.

I know we have the rest of our lives to spend together.  And I know that what we are doing right now can and will only better the rest of our lives together.  We want and deserve so much more for our family.  I will give it more time before I start jumping to any conclusions.  Before I start worrying we will not be able to make it through life together.  We only have this last semester to go.  Well I guess Tony will continue at a university and I do plan on continuing my education but maybe it won’t be as intense.

Only time will tell, right?

When we move we have to sell, throw away, or giveaway 90% of our belongings so we can have movers move us and it won’t cost an insane amount.  I told Tony that if he sells all his tools and car stuff that he can get all brand new stuff when we get to Arizona.  Among many new tools and such he will need a millermatic welder.  He has so many ideas in his head of things he wants to make and fix and just be able to do.  He accepted the idea that he will probably never be able to build his dream race car….at least for now, but he is open to all the fun things he can build with the kids.  I am really looking forward to this move!!

Tony and I decided that we may not buy a house when we first get out to Arizona.  There will be so much going on I don’t think we will be able to get everything to fall in to place.  I’m a little bummed.  But I agree, there will be so many things going on I just don’t think we will be able to work it all out.

I am kinda excited though that I will have a little longer to save for a home.  A little longer to get our finances together.  I have been “house shopping” and most houses I look at are perfect.  There doesn’t need to be anything replaced or upgraded.  I am not sure if we would be better buying a foreclosed home or just a fixer-upper.  Maybe replace the tile, a new kitchen, and  a new bathroom vanity.   What will cost cheaper?

I just feel a bit relieved but also sad.  To think that we will go another year (so two years from now) before we settle down and buy a home.  Oh, well I think things really do happen for a reason.  Maybe this was all meant to work out this way. 

I have been working since September to get Tony’s credit repaired so when we are set to move we can buy a home.  I have been planning out how to financially take care of things for the rest of the year.  I don’t see us moving until the Fall but I know that time will come fast.  I am trying to figure out how to save enough money to have movers move us. Enough money to move us across the country.  Enough for a down payment on a house.  Enough for any deposits we will need to pay.  Enough for new furniture since we plan on getting rid of all of ours.  AND Tony wants to make sure that we have at least 3 months worth of bill money saved before we go.  Oh and on top of that I need to plan our route to get to Arizona.  We will need to get a trailer rack thing to hold our luggage on.  There will be NO ROOM in the Ford for any luggage or anything.  I mean we will have 6 people, a dog, and a cat.  YIKES!!!  We also need to buy some trailer luggage.  Maybe a cortech sport tail bag.  I think what we decided was to have a few different bags.  We plan on being on the road for several days so if we have a bag for 1-2 nights worth of stuff then we can just stop for the night at a hotel and pull one of the bags off.  Good idea huh??  We will probably need to put the other bags in the truck but at least we aren’t carrying a HUGE suitcase or something in with us every night.

Anywho, let’s just say I am mentally preparing for this move probably every day!!  I am TOTALLY excited!!!! 

Many parents out there spent tons of money on the latest and greatest of toys.  Went to the store with a list in hand and stressed about getting THE right toy.  Tony and I played the game a little different.  With 4 kids we certainly could not afford to go hog wild on gifts.  I know what my kids like and I got what we could afford.  The best part is the toys they loved the most are these $3.50 flashlights and some $5 book bags.

Tony and I have discussed on numerous occasions that we don’t want our kids to be raised thinking Christmas is about the gifts.  We want them to understand the holidays are a time to be with family.  To spend quality time together.  If we start them off young not getting in to the hype of all the expensive gifts then it won’t be so bad as they get older. 

Every week we went to a methadone detox rehab treatment center to get tested and his weekly doses of methadone.  I NEVER once touched it and I am so thankful.   The things I saw him go through terrify me and I can’t even think of heroine without thinking of those rough 3 years.  I made excuses to my family why he never came around.  I would make excuses to him why I  thought he shouldn’t come with me.  The few times he did come to a family function I  am sure my family could tell he was high.  They never said anything and I think back now and I feel completely embarrassed.  Embarrassed I put myself, my daughter and my family through any uncomfortable situations.

I finally decided that I needed to leave.  After 3 years we went our separate ways.  I could no longer stay by his side.  I am thankful I made that decision.  I am with a wonderful man, I have 4 wonderful children and I couldn’t ask for a better life.  I know now  that I should have gotten out of the relationship the minute I heard “methadone.”