If you were not one of the 61,017 visitors viewing 354,850 blog pages over the last seven days, here are the seven most popular stories (in order of popularity) that you missed:

You are either in front of Guido, or you are behind…

The Guy News broadcast is only available to Guidogram subscribers this weekend.  In it we report on the guys who went to parliament this November fifth and Guido will also tell you about his week from behind the blog.  Gossip?  Well if you want to know the name of that Labour MP who revolted Nadine Dorries with his lurid fantasy you’ll just have to subscribe.  Thousands already have…

While Nadine Dorries has settled her claim for libel against Damian McBride (with Damian having to pay legal costs including for Guido’s time spent serving him with the papers) she has not yet settled her claims against HM Government.

She has until April to commence proceedings, just in time for the whole Smeargate saga to be replayed during the general election campaign.   Sources not a million miles away from the Treasury Solicitor are concerned that while they can argue McBride acted outside the scope of his role, ultimately whether HMG is liable or not will be decided by a jury.  Juries in libel claims can be unpredictable, given the public revulsion with Smeargate and the general unpopularity of McBride’s former boss, Gordon Brown, you can see why the Treasury Solictors might be worried.

The witness box would likely hear evidence from Gordon plus former and current Downing Street co-workers; Liam Byrne, Tom Watson, Sir Gus O’Donnell as well as Damian himself.  Can you imagine the Prime Mentalist giving evidence on oath?  Stammering and squirming with his inability to answer a straight question.  He is bad at PMQs, imagine what he would be like under cross examination…

The government’s lawyers, the Treasury Solicitors, are playing it tough refusing to agree a witness list with Nadine’s lawyers.  This could drag on and on into the election campaign…

David Cameron says of Boris…

“Would I rather have some faceless bureaucrat running London who could not pull a crowd at the Tory conference? Or would I rather have a swashbuckling, charismatic, irresistible character who will, yes, occasionally put his size 10 feet in it? In the end, I would rather have the latter.”

In a story yesterday Guido reported that

Guido has been told that three weeks ago Margaret Thatcher wrote a personal plea to her great admirer Václav Klaus, to stand firm, in the hope of strengthening his resolve. It was to be delivered by William Hague.

Lady Thatcher’s office say she did not.  Apologies to Margaret Thatcher and William Hague.

Could journalists not agree a moratorium on asking Gordon to pledge support for our sporting teams?   Last night, as prophesied, Everton fans knew they were doomed to lose the moment the Prime Mentalist wished them well.  Gordon added “I want to see all British teams do well when they are playing against European opposition”. Cursing the hopes of millions of loyal fans, besides Everton, neither Fulham nor Celtic won their European matches…

UPDATE : A fearful co-conspirator alerts Guido to Gordon’s flying visit to the Airbus wing factory yesterday:

Inevitably within hours the Wall Street Journal reported “Blow to Airbus” as 8 aircraft were cancelled losing them $400 million.  Be honest, would you want to fly in a cursed plane?

Looks like the Tories aren’t the only blues to see their Euro hopes destroyed.  From the Everton FC site:

The Prime Minister will be cheering Everton on tonight as the Blues face Benifca.  Gordon Brown visited the North West earlier and was asked about the nation’s favourite topic, football. The PM said he was hoping for a home win at Goodison. “I want to see all British teams do well when they are playing against European opposition,” said Mr Brown.  “Everton of course play tonight.  I hope they do well in the Europa League and I hope they get through this stage of the competition.”

Guido broke the news to Dizzy, a lifelong Everton fan. His exact words were “That’s it we’re f****d, that f*****g c**t has really f****d us now.”

Dan Hannan isn’t doing interviews currently because he wants to take some of the heat out of the Lisbon issue and make sure that hostile media can’t spin things into a Dan versus Cam story.   He still maintains more cordial than you might expect relations with David Cameron.  As he says in his post-ratification blog post:

I shall continue to campaign for a referendum on the EU and, in the mean time, for the election of a Cameron-led government.

He will not be doing an Enoch and telling people to vote for any party other than the Conservative Party – tough luck UKIP.  Informed sources say that he is planning to set up an infrastructure to support a long-term campaign not just for a referendum, but for a decentralised style of government from local level to the supra-national level.

This isn’t a short-term campaign and he accepts that this may require him embarking on a Keith Joseph style long march politically. He aims to make the case for localist ideas that will separate the referendum issue from Little England thinking and frame it as a question of democratic legitimacy. His aim, he says, is to build a broad movement within the Conservative Party that will push for referendums, citizens’ initiatives and the rest of the paraphernalia of direct democracy.  In The Plan Hannan and Carswell outlined how technological advances, the internet in particular, makes direct democracy feasible.   Hannan and Carswell really do get it that the internet can change how we do politics...

After reading the Kelly Report, listening to him and watching the front bench responses  yesterday it seems that we have something to celebrate on the day that Guido’s namesake was prevented from explosively implementing his brand of anti-politics.  The political class accepts the game is finally up, their porking is now well and truly busted.

Expense payments will be for real expenses. A heck of a lot of troughing is going to be phased out.  The no-receipts culture is coming to an end.  The employment of husbands, wives, lovers and children is being phased out.  The mortgage subsidy giving MPs the opportunity to make private profits at public expense is over.  The John Lewis list is abolished, the taxpayer’s largesse and funding of flat-screen TVs, interior designers, chic furniture, £400-a-month tax free for groceries without receipts.  We won’t be paying for their gardeners, cleaners, nannies, glossy pamphlet “communications”, moat cleaning, dog food and duck houses.  It is all coming to an end…

We shouldn’t forget how they lied about keeping their addresses secret so that we wouldn’t find out about their mortgage flipping, how they tried to keep secret all their little fiddles.  How we paid for them to have servants.  Politicians have been dragged into the real world. There will still be a battle – Sir Stuart Bell and the rest of the troughers will drag their trotters, they will also be trying to get an inflation busting pay rise to move them to pay levels higher than 99% of their constituents.  They will moan that they have lost all their perks and need to be compensated.  Guido’s response to that is that firstly they are overpaid compared to the people whose taxes support them and that if they want to make money maybe politics is not for them.  They still think they deserve six-figure compensation packages, nothing will shake them from this belief or their sense of self-entitlement.  Maybe they should try to get better paid jobs in the real world – if they can. Guido will be enjoying the fireworks today more than usual and likes to think that the ghost of old Guy will be smiling as well…