Gourmandizer

Gourmandizer has MOVED!

noreply@blogger.com (Dean) — Sun, 06 Dec 2009 19:50:00 +0000

Follow Dean on his sexy foodie adventures, read about his unique brand of Food Philosophy, and get your digestive juices flowing at his brand spankin' new Nommables blog.

The Brooklyn Star. Brooklyn Stand Up

noreply@blogger.com (Dean) — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 03:19:00 +0000

"Here's a story

of a pair of fatties

who had seen a menu they could not resist.

The rounded up some friends,

these two brothers,

so they wouldn't eat alone.

Til the weekend they all patiently awaited;

When it came, they were so eager to munch

on this food, which they had coveted madly --

The Brooklyn Star was where they had their Sunday Brunch.

The SUNNN DAYY BRUNCHH

Thesundaybrunch

Brooklyn Star was where we had our Sunday Brunch"

~Kou Ni, Aino

I'm feeling good. Ridiculously good. Especially when I can knock out mouthwatering photos with my camera phone. No more need to lug around my clunky point and shoot! It just goes to show, megapixels aren't everything. At low resolution, you can totally get by with 5mp.

Okay. Quick recap of what went down on Sunday, A[unofficially]KA Brunch Day. I ate. Delicious. Texas style brunch.

Texas Style Brunch (n). -- an orgiastic mishmash of big, fried, and fattening

I was lead to this place by my brother. Upon looking at the website, I knew this place was somewhere I didn't want to miss. We literally made plans for brunch within minutes of viewing the site. I am mos def sampling the dinner menu before the end of January.

Cinnamon roll. This thing was fluffy but full bodied. *Great start to a lazy sunday. $4

Jalapeno and Bacon Cornbread. Delicious. Nothing unique or over the top. No twists, no flair. Just a classic recipe that was executed perfectly. $4

Ditto on the Biscuits. These babies didn't really need the butter but I was all out fatting it so I laid it on. :) $4

Side of Country Ham Steak. Pretty sure this was different from the regular ham steak because I heard comments about it being super salty. The Ham Steak in my entree wasn't salty. $4

Side of Mashed Potatoes with a sausage cream gravy. DAMN these potatoes were banging. The flavors just popped. Fennel, cream, pork, potato -- all of the flavors were there as if they seasoned it at the last minute. Perfect amount of salt always a plus. $4

There's the bacon! And jalapeno, I guess.

Fluffy Cornbread for breakfast. I need to have a vacation in the South somewhere.

This stuff was spicy but they served it with everyone's favorite plastic bear. A touch of honey on top curbed the spice and lent a pleasant sweetness to the bread. I personally like my cornbread sweet.

Apple Griddle Cakes with Bacon, Scrambled Eggs, and Honey. These smelled really good. $9

Mine! Ham Steak, Mashed Potatoes, Red Eye Gravy, and 2 Fried Eggs. I like that they garnished the ham with bacon. $11

Hot Meatloaf Sandwich with a Fried Egg on Country White Bread. Not bad. Meatloaf was peppery and laced with bell peppers and onions. Nothing bad, just something that stood out. $9

Fried Chicken with Hash Browns and Apple Sauce. The applesauce was definitely for the hash brown. I guess they didn't want to put 'potato latkes' on the menu because that wouldn't sound too Texan. But we knew where this was going. $12

Fried Pork Chop, Fried Eggs, and White Grits. Possibly the least favorite item. I liked the relish but it's not really for everyone. The pork chop was really really really really bland. Grits were gritty (har har) and comforting. You'd think that something deep fried would be automatically awesome but when faced with the other picks we had, this just pales in comparison. $11

Glass, Stains, and a Crunch Under Your Toes

noreply@blogger.com (Dean) — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 02:01:00 +0000

One of my blog themes is Food Philosophy. It's a new concept I'm working on and though I don't have many installments regarding this topic (twenty three, counting this one), I feel like it is an important angle to consider about food.

Before I pose the question, I'd like to kick to you a little opinion piece so that you can get a better idea of how my noggin works and how I relate myself to food.

Eating is quite possibly the most intimate solo act a person can engage in without killing kittens or going blind. Unless you're getting clawed at by 'dinner' which, in this case, would warrant you get your eyes gouged out by kitty claws because... why would you eat a kitten?

Though Food may be one of the basest mediums through which cultural can be shared -- the other two being art and music -- there's a more complex, sophisticated, and profound side of food that is not so readily transient. It brings about a more personal connection between the eater and the rest of the world. You're literally inserting a part of the world into you.

The same can be said for cooking. The idea behind cooking is to destroy something to create something only to destroy it again. Cut. Cook. Consume. The interesting thing is how you can become so immersed in all aspects of cooking. Say for instance you want to make some scalloped potatoes.

Cut -- Mindfully, you slice every piece. Then you examine every piece, if fleetingly, and consider the best and worst ones.
Cook -- Skillfully you fry every piece and note how the Maillard Reaction never creates the same patterns despite how uniformly you thought you cut them.
Consume -- The first bite is always the same. You always taste to see how it is first. You have to. It's the right thing to do.

Sometimes you'll find yourself focused so much that you lose track of time. I consider this getting into the Zen of cooking. It's complete mindfulness yet paradoxically at the same time clear of thinking. You have no stray mental distractions. Just do this job and do it well like only you know how. I consider cooking my "escape."

Everyone should have at least one escape. This way, if the world gets too difficult, you have a calming pleasure resort which will always deliver.

------------------------------------

Did you wonder about the pictures? I took them at Union Square on the NRQW platform, right under the front end steps.

The first picture was a stain made on the door to the utility room, likely made by the wine.
The second picture was the remains of a broken wine bottle in a black plastic bag and some of its contents spilled out toward the track.
The third picture was the bottleneck of said wine bottle.
The fourth was a piece of glass I stepped on.

Wine Question: From these pictures, what can you tell about the person who smeared the wine onto the door? What do you think this person looked like? Do you think he was the owner of the wine bottle? What do you think was the message?

Honestly, my first reaction was "wow kids these days." But then I got to wondering, "why would a 'kid' have a wine bottle in the first place?"

For the Entrepreneurial Foodies

noreply@blogger.com (Dean) — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 00:20:00 +0000

If you're a foodie like me and you have that passion for discovering the best of everything -- the best doughnut, the best pizza, the best burger, the best hot dog -- then you too should be familiar of that burning desire inside for creating best of something. A lot of times the best of something is easiest to create if it's the first of its kind.

That's what I tried to do with my rainbow cake. It was far from perfect, but it was technically the 'best' rainbow colored rainbow cake made with a rainbow cookie batter that ever existed. In a sense, I kind of did what a lot of Guinness World Record holders did, create their own category and then set the record for that new category.

Now, when you create something you're really pleased with, naturally your mind starts racing with all of the possibilities.

Will this break a world record? (Nope.)
Will other people like it? (Yes!)
What can I do to make it better? (There's always room for improvement...)
Was I better off just buying this at a store? (Never.)
And of course: would other people be willing to pay for this? (...)

And that's how it all starts. You flirt and neck and do a lot of heavy petting with the idea of starting your own minimalist business. Bare-bones establishment, scant patron amenities, and a small but pointed menu. It's every foodie's dream to own one of the hundreds of specialist-type restaurants who zone in on just one dish and do it well. Pommes Frites, Five Guys, Doughnut Plant, AsiaDog ... they all have the same model. But should we follow suit? Let's analyze each of them just from the outside looking in and see if we can draw any conclusions.

Pommes Frites -- http://www.pommesfrites.ws/ -- quite possibly the most specialized of the group, PF is a divey, dingy, stripped down hole in the wall that sells basically one item: fries. And they do it well. The menu is built on sort of a modular design akin to Dell Computers. In the way that Dell can build many different computers from a combination of the same parts, Pommes Frites can offer customers a variety of tastes and experiences using the same base (fries) and accenting it with different combination of virtually the same parts (sauces).

You'll notice on their menu that the first dozen sauces are all mayo based. Analyze a little further and you might realize that most of these sauces do not have fresh and/or scratch made ingredients. My guess is that only the cheese sauces, the vietnamese pineapple mayo, the gravy, and the curries require the most work. Everything else, and this is just a guess but I'll wager, they buy and mix. They don't make their own barbecue, sweet chili, sambal, peanut satay, ketchup, mustard, or mayo. The seasonings in the sauces are for the most part drieds, concentrates, and powders.

This is the genius of the business model. They limit their perishables which helps cuts costs. At the same time, they're able to mix and match ingredients into a mayo/ketchup base and fluff up their menu to increase the actual and perceived value for the customer. The markup for the potatoes and the sauces offer high profit margins while still being very reasonable for the consumer.

Now, for a little mathematical analysis. Please try to keep up:

A double cone (their largest size) has 2 to 3 potatoes worth of fries inside. That's about 3 pounds of potatoes for $7.75. And if you get the 3 sauce combo for $2.50, you've just paid $10.25 for 2 potatoes, 3 ounces of mayo, a couple pinches of salt, and 2 tablespoons of fryer grease. I've simplified it but that essentially is the case. If you've ever been to a supermarket, you might recall that a 10lb bag of idahos runs from about $2.50 - $5.00. 3 lbs of potatoes, at retail price only costs $1.50 - $3.00. In this case, we can assume that the cost the mayo, salt, and oil are negligible. For our purposes, we will assume they cancel out with the discounted rates for buying all of the items wholesale.

Worst case scenario in this context, they are making $7.25 per every $3 of goods for a whopping 242% profit margin (without considering the other costs of running the business -- cones, napkins, forks, cups, payroll, rent, utilities, maintenance, and shrinkage.) It is a sound business model and having a high profit margin makes it easier to hit the break-even point.

Five Guys -- http://www.fiveguys.com/home.aspx --has the most diverse product offering of the group. Their main product is hamburgers but they also sell hot dogs and grilled cheese sandwiches. Their business model is similar to Pommes Frites in that they offer a base product that the customer then customizes to his/her taste with the free unlimited toppings. The price markup has to be high enough to cancel out the free peanuts, toppings, and drink refills that a consumer may have.

Luckily for them, no one is silly enough to request every single topping on their burger because that would taste ridiculously disgusting. Another strategy they employ the use of a la carte pricing for the fries and drink; they do not have combos. This keeps their profit margins relatively high. The strategy here is similar to what supermarkets do. Supermarkets sell some products at no profit or sometimes at a loss with the hopes that consumers will buy complimentary products which generate a higher return. For example, hot dogs may be 10% off at Pathmark but they normally make 15% to 150% on the buns and condiments for hot dogs.

Here in lies an interesting mix of clever marketing and business sense. Five Guys sells the fries and drinks separately, knowing people want those with their burgers. The burgers already have a high perceived value for the customers but fries and a drink would seal the deal. They're sort of piggybacking on all of those campaigns the fast food chains ran for years and years, drilling into our heads that we were better off ordering those complete 'extra value meals.' It just became natural for us to want that combination. So Five Guys is essentially exploiting of a quirk in consumer psychology, if you will.

Doughnut Plant -- http://www.doughnutplant.com/ -- Mark Israel's story is probably the easiest to follow since it is made fairly public. Thus it makes an obvious case study for us. For many of his early years, his strategy was to captivate the market with an extraordinary product. Not that Pommes Frites nor Five Guys don't have great products -- their offerings are quite unique to the area -- but they don't sell anything that we can't recreate at home. This is where the Doughnut Plant differs. Mark Israel is the sole 'owner' of his style of doughnuts. His doughnut recipe is unique in that it is secret, delicious, AND vegan, a very rare combination indeed.

His humble beginnings are well documented and can be found on youtube. Here is one video I particularly liked. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCwp82tJEjI

The strategy at the Doughnut Plant is apparent in the menu. Using a proprietary recipe for the doughnuts and trademarking his doughnuts? Two words come to mind: intellectual property. Intellectual property is one of the best sources of wealth in the world. Having exclusive rights to sell a product (and the red cross symbol) that people highly demand was how Johnson and Johnson stayed big enough to never left the Fortune 500 list. It allows you to create brands, resell inventions, and collect royalties.

Just think, no one else in the entire country will be able to advertise that they have a 'Tres Leches' doughtnut or legally sell a Square Jelly Doughnut. So the only way you could possibly get these items would be through the Doughnut Plant. And at $2~$4 a piece, someone's definitely making good money.

If each doughnut weighs about 6 ounces (they're pretty big but light and fluffy) and water is free, you're looking at a few nickels worth of ingredients per doughnut. Well played, Mr, Israel.

Asiadog -- http://www.asiadognyc.com/ -- is the greenest of the bunch in terms of seniority. Yes, green had several a different meanings long before all of these environmentalists suddenly had their way with our color symbolisms. Though Asiadog is probably also green in other respects as well.

This food truck (and sometimes booth, as was the case at the Brooklyn Flea Market) saves money on rent by forgoing the brick and mortar. This gives them an advantage over other 'unique hot dog' establishments like, say, Crif Dog or Schnack (closed) or F&B Gudtfood (also closed).

The menu is mostly Asian inspired but could pass for eclectic with the right kind of bias. The good part is that the profit margin on hot dogs is better than selling other things. The bad part is that you still need a high turnover to start banking, especially with premium ingredients like organic beef hot dogs and homemade kimchi.

A plus: this specialist establishment doesn't need to worry about the customer's creature comforts. Therefore, they can focus on the food. And people are willing to wait for food when they know there's a lot of TLC involved in the preparation.

---------------------

These are the types of joints I want to open up in the future. A no frills restaurant/cafe/shop/dive with a very focused menu. A literal hole in the wall. I'd serve one product that I'd make very well and offer the customer several possible combinations of flavors at a set price.

This way, whenever people have a craving for a certain thing, and ask themselves the age old 'where can I get the best ___" I'll be more certain that the is my place and not some Chinese/Korean/Japanese/Thai/Italian buffet.

Banana Questions

noreply@blogger.com (Dean) — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 02:09:00 +0000

Question: When the hell did bananas get so big? That beast right there is 9.5 inches long. An average mouth can only chew for the first 2.5 inches. (No smartass, you're not supposed to do that to food. Now can we please?) That's a four-to-eight-bite banana! No, I'm NOT being overly excited!

Ignore the very Asian tabletop and look at this thing. It could stand alone as an entire meal. You'd probably even share it because who really eats that much banana in one sitting? That would be ... kinda gross.

There's just so much food. I wonder if bananas can get to be this big in other parts of the world. More importantly, since we have the technology to make insanely grand foodstuff in quantities that flirt with Natural's brink, maybe there's finally enough to share with the rest of the world. So I pose to you what I believe to be a more important question than 'omfg y nanners so bigomg,' spawned from a random observation coupled with some serious over thinking.

Question: If we all stopped eating more than we're 'supposed' to, and stopped buying so much food and letting it go to waste, and somehow were able to cheaply share sustainable food exactly equally amongst every single living person in the world, would there still be world hunger?

In other words, is there enough to go around?

Fine and Raw Chocolates - Lucuma and Vanilla

noreply@blogger.com (Dean) — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 00:17:00 +0000

Ummmmmmmmm. What can I say? Ummmmmmmm... it's chocolate. Really really really well made, quality, dark, raw chocolate. And I'm strictly a dark chocolate person.

The taste and textures weren't what I expected, based on the description they gave me -- maybe it was too cold when I had it. I'm kind of ... I don't know... Let's back up a bit.

So this weekend, as you know, I was at the Brooklyn Flea Market. Awesome place with a pretty decent representation from Red Hook Street Vendors (nope, Country Boys isn't there but another stand was making huaraches from scratch.)

I got a jar of mustard and a candy bar. a 7friggindollar chocolate bar. I normally don't even like chocolate but I had a sample of their bon bons and it was the most AMAZING texture and taste. It was decadent. It was rich and smooth. It was super dark. It was also ... unsweetened. I liked it so much, I had to get some of this stuff for Miss Mango.

Except I think I bought the wrong thing...

This picture was stolen without permission from the Fine&Raw Chocolates website. They'll probably see this upon Googling their name (like most new companies would) and then tell me to take it down. But it's here for now because I don't have another picture of the actual bars.

The first thing you'll notice is that it's shareable. What you don't see is that it's laced with a lucuma powder. I was told by the rep (and confirmed this on my cellphone) that lucuma, aka eggfruit, was a fruit related to the sapote (SOLD!) and had a similar caramel taste. Except it also has a chalky texture whereas my second favorite fruit in the entire world is chin dribble juicy.

I don't know what happened to it. Maybe it died in the refrigerator. My chocolate bar was grainy. The taste was decent though it didn't taste like a sapodilla. It had a sort of spicy note to it and finished with a mellow chocovanilla. The texture was unfortunate but I think it may have just been too cold.

Overall I still like their ridiculously good bon bons. And I'm not even a chocolate person. Buy at the flea market while it's still open. You'll save some money and get to talk to some really cool people.

AsiaDog! ... and Some More Brooklyn Flea Market

noreply@blogger.com (Dean) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 03:16:00 +0000

I had a moment of nom this weekend with a couple of friends at the Brooklyn Flea Market.

My initial plan was to try out some unique asian-inspired hot dogs. The goal was to go in and get out without going over $20. . . I went 18 over. Typical. When it comes to food, I'm such a friggin' consumer.

Yup. It's the $7 chocolate bar from Fine&Raw AKA poison for Duckie who is too dumb to realize it can probably kill him.

FEESH TOCKOES from some place I can't remember because it wasn't memorable. But you know what, I don't even know what a good fish taco should taste like. I wasn't too fond of some recommendations I got but they're apparently the Best of NY Authentic A+++ Numero Uno grade. Maybe I'm not a fish taco person. $4.50 a piece. Good thing I didn't pay for these.

Wait what's that? Is that... is that? Lobster rolls?! At a flea market? Awesome. Now I know I'm in yuppie hipster territory. Sweet.

You know it's kinda embarrassing (or is it) but I've never actually had a lobster roll. Ever. I think I had a mock lobster roll (MOCK LOBSTAH!) once during a camping trip. So my friends kinda egged me on to get one. Here are the $14 cherry poppers. Left side is Connecticut style lobster roll -- warmed on the flattop with butter; right side is Maine style -- cool with mayo.

This stuff was sooo good. HUGE chunks of fresh lobster, light on the mayo, a sprinkle of some red stuff, tucked in quite possibly the awesomest buttered roll I've ever had. I wonder what a really expensive one tastes like. Or a really cheap one. I wasn't comfortable paying $14 for it but I was told it was a really good value.

--------------------------------------------------------

And now, ASIADOG

I can't remember where I first heard about this place. I think Q was the one who told me about this. The menu seemed interesting so I bit the bait and headed out to the Brooklyn Flea Market yesterday afternoon just for this. (Of course I ended up doing more than I had anticipated...)

Ray got the $4 bulgogi burger (foreground) with kimchi and a Ginny (background) made with kimchi and nori strips.

From left to right, my pickings: WangDing - with braised pork belly and onions; Vinh - vietnamese banh mi style; Mash - with crushed potato chips and a jalepeno mustard; Ito - with japanese curry and kimchi apples.

You get the option of chicken, beef, organic beef, or veggie. I got them in all American hormone-fed beef. All beef hot dogs were $3 each.

WangDing was pretty good. At first I thought it was the curry one so I wasn't happy with it. But when I realized it was the WangDing I appreciated it a lot more. It was very comforting to eat.

Vinh was gimmicky. The cucumber made the bread soggy and the pate was squirtable. I'm usually not a food snob but that's kinda gross. It had good flavors but the overall experience was meh.

Mash was my favorite. Any time you punctuate a dish with something crisp, crunchy, and deep fried, it's a winner in my book.

Ito was a close second. I liked the Japanese style curry. Though not as good as say... Cafe Zaiya's or GoGoCurry's in terms of texture and appeal, it had the correct taste. The kimchi apples were a nice touch but I don't know if they really belong there. They didn't add much to the dish but they didn't take away much either.

Curry sauce should replace all of that weird stuff in the 7-11 chili dispensing machines. The cheese can stay.

All photos courtesy of Raymond Cheng. Thanks!

McClure's Pickles' Mustard

noreply@blogger.com (Dean) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 00:12:00 +0000

Saturday, I went out to the Brooklyn Flea Market to check out some Asian inspired hot dogs. Those pictures will be coming shortly. I'm still waiting on a friend to get me the pictures he took.

I do however have a couple of products that I bought for personal use. What's fetch is that I bought this stuff for a sexy discount. I bought an $8.50 bar of chocolate for $7.

We're talking 17.7% off here, and that's before tax, S&H. Fetchin'. I know. I know. You want to know what a friggin' $7 chocolate bar tastes like. I friggin' do too. Unfortunately, I bought it for someone else so I can't really tell you yet.

What I do know is that it's unsweetened so you get this really raw, naked, unbridled chocolate flavor. I'm not much of a chocolate person but if I had to, I'd go dark. The sample I had of their bon bons was very dark.

I also bought this:

For $5. It's a beer-laced whole grain mustard made by McClure's Pickles. I don't know how much I saved because I haven't seen this in a store yet and I don't see it available on line either but dude... It's made with beer. And not just any beer. Our very own Brooklyn Brewery's acclaimed Brown Ale.

Now, I'm not pretentious enough to be a locavore or an organicovore or whatever the frig buzz label people flaunt on their wristbands these days but this is why I love farmer's markets -- supporting small, local companies while getting a more intimate knowledge of your food.

Ever since my first visit to a Vietnamese 'market' where all of the local farmers set up shop -- which was probably the first ever natural format of marketplaces -- I had been hooked to the idea.

My cousins probably took it for granted, but as a person coming from the land of PathMark and Waldbaums, I sometimes wondered where the food came from. Farmers Markets was foreign to me but it made so much sense. But I digress. Back at home ...

Even though I had nothing to try the mustard with, and even though I had already sampled it at the BFM, and even though I had a multitude of chores to do, I decided to pop it open anyway. And lean in for a closer smell.

Any place that can provide me, a total mustard slut*, with an organic whole grain mustard cut with some of Brooklyn's own Brown Ale (that's right, BEER) deserves my pledge of allegiance.

*At the Vendy's, I stole a dozen of the mini mustard tubs and bartered for one jar of the whole grain :)

Check out the ingredients of McClure's Pickles vs that other very popular brand that a lot of fancy car passengers seem to always share at red lights:

McClure's - Organic Mustard Seed, Beer, Vinegar, Water, Salt, Tumeric.

GP's - Vinegar, Mustard Seed, Water, Salt, White Wine, Fruit Pectin, Citric Acid, Tartaric Acid, Sugar, Spice

Vinegar is the predominant ingredient in GP's coarse ground mustard. And Fruit Pectin? A thickener used for jellies, jams, and apparently your stool (great if you have diarrhea!). GP chemically thickens their crap up to cut back on the mustard. Unfortunately, this does not cut the mustard.

Now look at McClure's.

40% less ingredients means 40% less fillers. You get a lot of mustard for the same price. And there's beer. The first thing you taste is the beer. And then the tartness. And then spice kicks in and brings the beer back for another round.

I was told by the rep at the booth that a 6-pack of Brooklyn Brown Ale goes into every batch. And each batch makes 8 cases of mustard. I didn't ask but let's say case has 24 9oz jars. Bang out a little math, that's half a shot of award winning beer per jar.

That means that the 2nd ingredient listed, the 2nd most voluminous component of the mustard, takes up a mere 5.5% of the entire jar. Count the other ingredients and worst case scenario, you're getting a product that is 70% mustard seed. This number is likely higher than that.

That is awesome. For me. Oh they also have awesome pickles. Their spicy pickles are crisp, cucumbery, and pack a very strong but non-lingering kick.

All Photos Courtesy of VicariouslyMe. Thanks!

Cake Cow Baked

noreply@blogger.com (Dean) — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 04:07:00 +0000

I tried to translate the name of this cake as literally as possible for dramatic effect. I have no idea why this was called a cow cake in the first place but when tradition dictates, Dean takes note.

This is a baked version of a very traditional cake that is usually made with soured rice flour and cooked in a steamer.

Once again, no step by step photos but hey, this cake is super easy anyway. You literally just dump all of the ingredients into a bowl, wait for it (wait for it.... wait 15 minutes for it...), and then bake.

And then wait another 45 minutes until it's done. All I have documented are the finished product because SOMEONE didn't tell me she was going to so I didn't have the camera handy for the initial procedures.

What. Ever. Free food fixes all quarrels.

	It's green from the Pandan extract.
	Still warm. Slightly chewy. Nice crisp crust that you can only get from the baked version.
	It rose nicely. We value those tall crevasses made possibly by the eggy, baking soda-y mixture.
	Ze finished product.

Ingredients for My Mom's Baked Cow Cake:

14oz Tapioca Starch

6 Large Eggs

2 pouches Alsa Baking Powder (5 tsp single acting)

1 140z can of coconut milk

1 14oz empty can of coconut milk filled with sugar

1 tsp pandan extract

Preheat oven to 375F.

Beat eggs in a large bowl.

Mix everything else into bowl and let sit for 15 minutes, to hydrate the starch.

Pour batter into a VERY LIGHTLY greased pan and bake for 45 minutes.

Eat. Or wait for it.

This cake can keep for a few days in the fridge, tightly wrapped. It microwaves very well. I've never tried freezing it but I assume there'd be no problem with that.

Rainbow Cake -- Revealed (sort of)

noreply@blogger.com (Dean) — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 16:27:00 +0000

Giant rainbow cookie. I maded it. Because I frikkin' love rainbow cookies.

I came up with this idea while facing a decision about cakes for my father's imminent birthday party. My mom wanted a 'new' cake to eat since every birthday she has been to this year ended with some Chinese bakery style (AKA bland) cake with this weird, fluffy, taro-flavored paste they use in the middle. Gross. She asked me to help her order an almond flavored cake this time. The funny thing is, she ended up placing the order for that taro cake on her own a couple of days later. So I made the cake the following weekend instead, but obviously with a little less love. Anyway...

The first place I checked was Veniero's because I remembered they received some acclaim for their Almonde Torte (Torta Di Mandorle). Almost took the $30 plunge but then I had a better idea...

After thinking a lot about almond flavored desserts -- ice cream, biscotti, those yellowish-orange asian almond cookies, I suddenly had a hankering for a rainbow cookie. And then it hit me... rainbow cookie tastes like almonds and it's cakey! I can't believe no one thought of doing this before; it seemed like such a natural progression for this dessert. So I did a little research, tweaked a few recipes and came up with the list of ingredients for what will eventually become the 3"h x 7"d cake you see here. You can see the recipe after the pictures.

Unfortunately, working by myself meant I didn't have enough hands to take pictures and bake at the same time. I will definitely remake this cake for the holiday season with some helping hands. Or a tripod and remote. :)

	The teaser I posted yesterday showed the red layer on top. Here, you'll notice I used the purple on top instead. The purple layer was much more level than the red. I covered it in a thin layer of raspberry jam.
	Strips of modeling chocolate. By mixing melted chocolate with a little light corn syrup, you can turn the chocolate into a big and pliable doughy mass.
	Laying down the chocolate triangles with a slight overlap to make a sort of fluted-skirt/accordion design.
	While working, if the chocolate gets tough or cold you can warm it up by draping it over the back of your hand for a few seconds. This makes the chocolate more pliable and helps prevent the strips from cracking.
	After laying down about 40 strips (always make extra!), this monster was finally covered. You might notice how the edges aren't perfectly round. That's because when I first baked the layers, I kinda messed up so each layer wasn't exactly the same size. I had to trim down the edges a little and didn't have a guide so it's a little crooked. :)
	Forgot to use the excess chocolate to make a ribbon to cover up the knife marks from trimming off the excess at the bottom. I did cover up the middle of the cake with a button of chocolate because it was a messy blob of triangle tips.
	Excess chocolate. Despite having a clay-like personality, the taste and texture is very nice and chocolatey. I should have used it for something else but I was lazy.
	Scraps from trimming the cake earlier. Yum. Kept me going the last 24 hours.
	And now the cross section. 2 minutes after finishing the decorations, this cake was bisected by a giant Chinese cleaver (which by the way was my main weapon of choice all morning).
	The end product sitting in a pool of warm raspberry jam and surrounded by a scattering of almond slices. I know, I'm not exactly the greatest food stylist in the world.

How to make this Rainbow Cake:

Time to prep: 50 to 90 minutes

Time to bake: 7-10 minutes per layer

Time to set: 8 hours

Time to decorate: 3 hours

Equipment: food processor, electric mixer, whisk (if you have the balls!), 6 bowls/containers, one giant mixing bowl, as many 9" round cake pans as you got. Optional: spring form cake pan for 'curing' the cake.

Cake:

16 oz Almond Paste (by weight)

2 cups softened unsalted butter (4 sticks)

2 cups white sugar

8 extra large eggs*

4 cups all purpose flour

food coloring gel/paste*

12oz jar of seedless raspberry jam

Before we move on, I need to explain something about this cake. I treated it more like a giant brownie than a cake so my version is a little on the dense side. If you want a fluffier cake, you will have to separate the eggs, beat the whites into a soft peak, and then fold it into the batter. Also, since each layer is thicker than a normal rainbow cookie's, the baking time and temperature has to be adjusted.

Work in batches if your equipment isn't large enough. Mine wasn't so I did everything in two batches.

Preheat oven to 325F

1. In a food processor, dump in two sticks of butter, 1 cup of sugar and .5lb of almond paste. Work until smooth and creamy.

2. Add four eggs, one at a time, and process until well incorporated.

3. Add 2 cups of flour and process until a thick batter is formed. It should be still be pourable.

4. Divide this batter into three separate bowls. For me, the portions came out to about 1 and 1/3 cups each.

5. Repeat the first four steps with the rest of the butter, sugar, almond paste, eggs, and flour.

6. Time to get creative! Now that you have 6 separate bowls of batter, it's time to make some colors. Using food coloring paste ($14 for an Red Yel Gre Blu Bla set at Whole Foods) mix and match to get your desired colors. I made Red with 3 drops of red, Orange with one Red and 2 Yellow, Yellow with 3 drops of Yellow, Green with 2 drops of Green, Blue with 4 drops of Blue, and Violet with 2 drops each of red and blue. Your food coloring might be stronger/weaker so adjust accordingly. Unfortunately, there was no room for Indigo. Warning: mixing spectral opposites (red + green, purple + yellow, blue + orange) will make an ugly brown, which is good for halloween but isn't really the tastiest looking part of the rainbow. Test with a small sample before committing fully!

7. Very lightly grease a pan and line the bottom with wax or parchment paper. Very lightly grease again.

8. Bake each layer until edges are light brown and batter is set, about 10 minutes. If the cake poofs up, stab it a few times with a knife and gently flatten it while it is still hot in the pan. Steam may come out of the sides so be careful. Use wax paper and a clean oven mitt to help.

9. Gently remove each layer from the pan, peel off paper, and place on a rack or flat surface to cool to room temperature.

10. Twist off the lid on that jar of raspberry jam and microwave the open jar, uncovered, for 40 seconds or until jam is runny.

11. Starting with the bottom layer (purple), spread a thin layer of jam on just the top side. Optionally (if your cake layers aren't perfectly flat), spread the jam onto the bottom of the next layer (blue) and place on top. Repeat with each layer, omitting the top side of the last layer (red). Make sure to use the flatter side of the layer for the top face of the cake. This will help with decorating later on.

12. When you have all of the layers together, transfer to a plate or cake pan lined with parchment/wax paper. I used a spring form cake pan in this case. Drape over with plastic wrap and place a cake pan right side up onto the cake. Place a weight on top to press the layers together. I used a few cans of crushed tomato, the leftover raspberry jam, a can of coconut milk and a can of beans. I think it came out to about 4 lbs of stuff.

13. Refrigerate at least 4 hours but preferably overnight, exercise patience, and nosh on any scraps you got from carving off the 'imperfections.'

Decorate.

Modeling Chocolate:

12 oz semi-sweet chocolate, cut into tiny pieces (or buy chips)

1/3 cup light corn syrup

1 tsp vanilla extract

In a double boiler (metal/glass bowl over a pot of boiling water, making sure not to let the bowl touch the water) melt the chocolate completely. Take off of boiling water and stir in the corn syrup and vanilla extract. The chocolate should seize up and become very tough to stir.

Mix until the corn syrup is incorporated and then wrap tightly in shrink wrap and refrigerate overnight. Take out 30 minutes before you want to use it, so that it comes up to room temperature. Roll it out and go crazy.

Rainbow Cake -- Teaser

noreply@blogger.com (Dean) — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 22:10:00 +0000

	Coming tomorrow (probably), my very first attempt at making a fancy cake.
	Made this baby mostly from scratch with some store bought ingredients like almond paste, chocolate chips, food coloring paste, and raspberry jam. I'm going to cover it with some modeling chocolate tomorrow. Apparently it has to cure overnight...

DAMMIT ANDREW

noreply@blogger.com (Dean) — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 23:48:00 +0000

Mister Zimmern,

Your incompetence really tests my patience sometimes. Can't I watch your show for once without you making an ass of yourself? First you insinuate that my family eats snakes and grasshoppers, then you pussy out on a fruit, then you go on and make it look like people fight over the eyeballs from a lamb's head all the time in Morocco, and now you make fun of quite possibly the most obvious way to eat ice cream without a spoon or cone -- as a sandwich.

Seriously, how can you not like ice cream wedged inside a piece of bread? Just because it's in the Philippines it's suddenly weird to you? Newsflash you elitist douche, they do it ALL OVER SICILY. Gelato in a brioche roll. The locals refer to it affectionately as Brioscha (shorthand and in context). Get a clue, dude.

Get. A. Clue.

"Ew, cheese and ube ice cream. Ew, it tastes like cold butter in a roll." Oh nooo, not cold creamy butter in a roll! Of all things! That's gross. Let's go eat some slimy albino worms being dragged out of their homes, skinned alive, drowned in citrus, and guillotined in your pie hole instead.

SMH,

Dean the Gourmandizer

P.S. Pathetic. Absolutely pathetic.

Moderation -- How to Feel OK About Eating 7,000 Calories in a Weekend.

noreply@blogger.com (Dean) — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 10:34:00 +0000

You know, it takes a lot of discipline (by my standards anyway) to support my lifestyle. Discipline that I ... don't ... really ... have.

I usually eat like a pauper on weekdays -- that means a Nature's Valley bar with office coffee for breakfast and a double decker tuna and pickled peppers sandwich with office water for lunch -- so that I can enjoy my less than stellar weekend habits. Breakfast usually runs me about 250 calories. The double decker tuna sandwich will usually deal me 350 damage. This is definitely not enough calories to function so usually I snack too.

Dinner is never over 500 calories because of portion control and religious label reading.

Thursday I had a cold sesame noodle from Mantao for lunch. Meh. Needs more peanut. 1000? I think. Salty sauce, carrots, cucumbers, roast pork, tofu. Some parts tasted like ham. The tofu had a liquid smoke taste that was kinda weird, for Chinese food anyway.

Friday I wasn't too interested in socializing or re-eating the things I've already had at the Vendy's, so the whole food truck scene on Ave A was a wash. The lady and I snacked a little and then bailed to hit up Paul's Burger Joint (again lol). It was the only burger I was able to enjoy for a long time being an anythingbutburgers person so I thought I'd go another round, sober this time. I added coleslaw to mine :)

Wasn't as good as the first time because they overcooked it. Oh well, what more can you ask for? It's just a burger. Honorable mention: good sweet potato fries.

Saturday, I went to a buffet for a couple of birthdays. That night I took advantage of a last minute offer to go to Woodbury for the Columbus Day Weekend Sale. So Sunday morning, went and got my winter coats, setting me back a few hundred very well spent bucks. Also ran into some old friends so that was cool.

Then there was the food court. Ate a giant platter of fish and chips with some hush puppies. Had a hot dog. Had some Dippin' Dots. Went home and ate some more dinner. Total caloric intake this weekend? I'd say close to 12,000. FYI, you only need to ingest 3500 unburnt calories to gain one pound of fat.

I played handball Saturday morning. Somehow it all balances out.

Flavor Trip at Home (Plus a Few Mobile Uploads)

noreply@blogger.com (Dean) — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 01:15:00 +0000

I had some pretty interesting things in the past month. Trying to keep up my lifestyle despite the continuing economic downturn -- not that I live too far beyond my means. I still get to try new things and eat disgustingly delicious food but more in moderation and much more sparingly than I would have when the market was better.

I don't know why I went back to Mantao. I'm never happy with their food but I feel compelled to try everything before I can decide. They don't have one winner on their menu and that's unfortunate because they have such a nice concept. It just doesn't work with midtown prices.

	Chorizo Egg and Cheese from the Eggstravaganza Cart. Like fart jokes, egg puns never get old; they only smell old.
	Egg and Chinese sausage. Boring beyond belief.
	Plain old steamed bun blanketed with sesame seeds. Cheapest item on the menu was also the best. But it was still like $2...

Now for a short review about mberry pills. If you haven't heard about the miracle fruit by now, you're just not a very interesting person. Basically, it's a fruit that makes sour foods taste sweet. No one really knows how this works nor do they want to invest in figuring out why this fruit's compounds can affect us in this way (even though it could be a valuable clue that leads to the 'perfect' artificial sweetener). Yeah.

So after hearing a lot about these parties where people gather in fancy houses, chew on these fresh berries, and then go on to eat everything but the kitchen sink, I had to have some. Unfortunately the fresh fruit is really expensive so I resorted to pills. I bought these instead of the Chinese brand you see on Amazon because this had nicer packaging. HA.

	12 pills. You're supposed to let it melt on your tongue and then start eating stuff. I didn't want to do it alone so I got my brother into it too. It wasn't difficult to convince him.
	So I raided my pantry and fridge for random ingredients. Unfortunately we didn't have any fruit because I hear the reaction to fruit is the strongest. Clockwise from top: shot of corn syrup, homemade jalapeno pickle, balsamic vinegar, mustard. Middle: tomato wedge.

So... the corn syrup kinda sucked. I couldn't really taste it. That was weird... The pepper was too spicy and sour for me to notice any change. The vinegar was gross. The mustard was also quite gross. But the saving grace? That's right, the tomato. It's a fruit, it's usually sour, it was delicious.

It was super sweet under the influence. The miraculin influence, of course. I could literally eat a dozen tomatoes raw, unfazed. It was very trippy. I still have 10 pills left and more to try. I hear people would drink lemonade (or even bite into a lemon wedge) and it would taste like jolly rancher candy. I was doubtful that it would have such a strong effect but after eating the tomato, I was convinced that this would be very important in the future. But then I became very afraid because I knew...

I knew that some d.bag molecular gastronome chef was going to incorporate it into one of his/her pretentious, sci-fi inspired dishes. Like miracle berry guacamole foam with pickled sponge cake leather and shaved ice sushi. Yum.

Hit it before it no longer becomes cool.

Barros Luco

noreply@blogger.com (Dean) — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 19:15:00 +0000

Like other early adopters of this Chilean Sandwich shop that had their soft opening just last Friday, I too thought their offerings were a little small for the price compared to what you could get at a generic deli or Gourmet 53 one block over. Not to mention street meat, but that's on another level. Still, portion size was rather sensible and the quality was a lot higher than say... Crappo's Crapburger Craphouse.

Got the chicken chacarero (string beans, avocado, tomato, aji verde), just like every other person in line, instead of the namesake Barros Luco (beef and cheese sandwich). Add a handful of sweet potato fries for a slap in the face worth $10.33. Couldn't afford a drink. Good thing I carry my own sugar-free, zero-calorie, slightly cooler than room temperature canteen of water. :)

Empanadas at $5 a piece? Hell no.

I don't know why everything is so expensive ... maybe the rent at that location is just crazy expensive. I've already witnessed three stores close in that same exact spot within a few years of each other. Unfortunate foreshadowing?

Waited 13 minutes from the point of purchase to get my order filled. Not too bad and still got a very sincere apology from the manager (?) in the pink dress shirt for the 'long' wait. I can't believe he let his only helper leave the post during lunchtime. Being in food service means you work through normal lunch hours, no? Yes, I had to mention pink dress shirts -- pet peeve.

I think the 'homemade sauce' aka ranch dressing that came with it was for the sweet potato fries, which were a bit sad looking. They were scantily clad in batter and limper than wilted willows. The fries were better without the sauce.

My sandwich was on the greasy side. Usually, not a problem... except I foolishly left the place without getting any utensils. Doh. On the upside, they were generous with the napkins. If you're particular about greasy hands, make a note to get some effects together!

Perfectly cooked white meat, awesome avocados, string beans had a habit of slipping out, and laced with a LOT of cheese on it. If it didn't have the greasy bun and maybe had a buck ($1) and/or 5 minutes of prep time shaved off of it, I would have given this sandwich a 4 out of 5. But since all of those nasty elements were there, overall value was a 2.7

I pulled that .7 out of my ass. My metrics are not really that precise.

Djerdan No.3

noreply@blogger.com (Dean) — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 01:29:00 +0000

Well, it's about damn time I got around to this place.

The food is exactly how you'd imagine it: Bosnian -- unpronounceable, comfort dishes with those familiar but not quite the same flavors you might find at an Eastern European restaurant. Stuffed cabbage, stuffed peppers, fruits and nuts for dessert, and phyllo dough all over the place, what's not to like?

Time for some ~~slightly overexposed~~ pictures!

	DJERDANNNNNNNNNNN (officially, not so many N's)
	Meat burek. Hand stretched phyllo dough layered around chunks of ground meat. Pretty big. Pretty good. Definitely a reheat, though. The couple across from us got a "fresh out of the oven" slice according to the waitress. Way to make me feel like I'm getting less of a deal, lady.
	Meat burek roll. A tight coil of basically the same thing except it felt like it had more meat than dough whereas the burek slice was sort of ... vacant. Meat had a very basic seasoning. No fancy spices which I happen to like because it was very easy to identify with. Also a reheat.
	Spinach. I THINK there were traces of cheese in this. I saw little white crumbles of something in the filling. Definitely good. Nice and irony. Similar to the meat slice, this was rather difficult to cut through. Why? Probably because it was reheated.
	We shared. Wish I could have tried the cheese one. Ya know, we could have just picked them up and nommed like squirrels... what's with the knife and fork?
	Inside the burek roll. It's made kind of like a scallion pancake. They grease up some sheets of dough, add a few kisses of meat, then roll it up into a tube. Then they coil it up into a spiral, tuck in the open ends, flatten it a bit and then bake.
	Cross section of a meat burek slice.
	Tufahija - a baked (?) cored apple filled with a sweet and spiced walnut mixture. Topped with whipped cream and a drizzle of chocolate syrup.
	An inside look. The apple was chilled so I wonder how long they held it in the icebox. At least it wasn't frozen... Regardless, it was delicious.
	Hurmasica - A type of cake with a nice firm and dense texture. It was laced with walnuts and was moistened on the bottom with some type of syrup. Wasn't honey. Wasn't maple. Might have been just sugar water.
	The inside was rather grainy. I think the outside was made with [some] nut flour too because it was kind of mealy. For some reason it was very comforting to eat. I would have loved it warm with some honey ice cream.

And so, in an effort to not be like every other food blog in the world -- "Hi, here's what I ate. See the recipe below. My blog is boring." -- I also wrote a haiku.

Can you find it?

Jalepeno Pickles

noreply@blogger.com (Dean) — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 01:25:00 +0000

I maded some pickles. Made up my own recipe but since it's a refrigerator pickle and since a lot of the places I've checked have basically the same ratio of salt to vinegar, I thought this would be safe.

I also processed them (boiled the entire jar in a giant pot of water for 10 minutes) to try and pasteurize it.

Reused some jars because I don't really have canning jars.

The brine isn't cloudy, it's just condensation on the outside of the jars. I just took them out of the fridge.

'Ingredients'
1 pound of Jalapenos. The greener, firmer, and smoother, the better.
Vinegar
Fine Kosher Salt
Sugar
Pickling Spices
Jar(s) with air tight lids, tongs, oven mitts or pot holders

'Brine'
For every cup of vinegar, put in a heaping tablespoon of fine grain kosher salt and a teaspoon of pickling spice. You can use more spice but if you have the same brand of pickling spice that I have, it will make your pickles taste like thanksgiving. Table salt is ok but it will turn your pickles black and make the brine cloudy. They will be edible but won't look edible.

'Procedure'
Sterilize your jars with hot water or, if you have time, a gallon of water with half a quarter cup of bleach (guesstimate the amount) for 10 minutes. Note: some bacteria can survive a hot water rinse so just to be safe, do the bleach too. Dry with paper towels and set aside. Put a giant pot of water on the back burner to boil.

In a saucepan, heat desired amount of vinegar with salt and sugar. Stir to dissolve. Throw in the spice and turn off the heat.

Prep the jalapenos. Trim the stems so that they're no longer than half an inch. Wash them really well under cold water. Slit them down one side lengthwise and if desired, take out the seeds. I like to leave them whole but you can also cut them into rings if that's how you like them.

Pack the jars tightly with the peppers. If you have rings, just pile them up and tap the jar on the counter to make more room. If doing whole peppers, tilt the jar sideways and stack them up. Try alternating between upside and right side up. When it gets crowded, force in a few more peppers so that none of them have wiggle room. Think NYC Subway during rush hour.

Ladle in the brine and save about .5" of space between the water line and the lid. Make sure to constantly tap the jar to get out some of the air bubbles trapped inside the peppers.

Fasten the lids on snug but not too tight and throw them into the pot of boiling water. Wait 5 minutes and take them out with tongs. With pot holders/oven mitts, carefully open the lids to let out some of the built up pressure. Back in for 5 more minutes.

When the time is up, open the lids again to let out the pressure and then close them as tightly as you can. The peppers will look dull except for the areas where they touch the jar. Let cool to room temperature and then put in the fridge.

Sealed and refrigerated, these should last you a couple of months. And possibly longer but since I'm not a scientist, I'm playing it safe. :)

Vendy Awards 2009

noreply@blogger.com (Dean) — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 23:55:00 +0000

Everything here pretty much speaks for itself. Food never did need much interpretation.

	NYC Cravings. It's like Wah Mei but from a truck. And probably a lot healthier too (Wah Mei's deep frying oil is black as night). They definitely fixed their sauce from the last time I've tried it. Much much louder than the dumbed down version I got during their first visit to Midtown.
	Downside, they gave a LOT of food. I shared my plate but I felt bad watching other people throw out 1/2 of their plates. Pork dumplings looked a little dull but were surprisingly VERY good. Veggie dumplings: no meat, no comment. Maybe we could have done without the tea egg. I would love just a bowl of rice with that sauce and some of the greens.
	Picnick Smoked. IMO these guys were very on point in all respects EXCEPT they didn't have enough meat and coleslaw in the sammies. Service was very quick and the lines were consequently never longer than 10. The chocolate chip cookie was a little dry and cakey.
	For some reason (because I'm a fatass) I felt compelled to put in a special request. I asked for "just a little coleslaw." He was this close to just putting a spoonful onto the plate when all of a sudden I see a hand stick out the window with a cup of slaw in it. LOL. Dude. Creamy slaw is my favorite.
	Best non sweet coleslaw I've ever had. Celery seed was a super nice touch. Far left (also pictured above:) Their Arnold Palmer really had some pucker power to it. It wasn't your typical lemonade + iced tea though. There had to have been something about those lemons...
	Schnitzel and Things! Potato salad was well made, beet salad was the bomb, schnitzel was banging. Spicy mayo was kinda boring but the other condiments are good. Cucumber salad was kinda slimy. Kraut was one of the best I've ever had. Their kraut would work really well as a pierogi filling.
	King of Falafel offerings. That Falafel was gooooooooooood. Chix and rice, not so much. Wish I had tried the schwarma but it wasn't there when I was on the line. By the time I got around to them again, I was stuffed.
	Falafel was really good in the wrap. I appreciated the salty briny pickles but I wonder if those really belong in there...
	Chicken huarache from Country Boys. Much better than El Rey del Sabor because it wasn't an onion fest. Well, the chicken had a predominantly oniony flavor (adobo, perhaps?) but no raw onions to ruin the after dinner make out session.
	Pork Taco from Country Boys. Handmade tortilla (no wonder the line was so long) with just about everything you could ask for. Cotija, crema, lettuce, tomato, onion, the and greatest pork ever. EVER. had like refried bits in it that were crispy, well seasoned and porky. Best taco I've ever had. Period. It's seriously time to hit up the Red Hook Ball Fields for some Country Boys.
	The Gobbler from the BGICT. Graham crackers, pumpkin butter, cranberries. Dude. Their soft serve has such a low overrun compared to the run of the mill Mr. Softee truck offering.
	Biryani cart fixins. I didn't have time to try this because of the two really big lines we had to conquer.
	Kati roll. I can't believe I missed out on these. We were just too full to try the food. I guess that made our votes kind of unfair. Oops. :) I guess it didn't matter because my picks didn't win anyway.
	Did not try these. They came from the Jamaican Dutchy (that's pronounced DOOCHEE, apparently) stand. Carrot cake and banana nut bread, perhaps? I really have no idea what these things are...
	Vegetarian edamame and thai chicken dumplings. For a vegetarian dumpling it was pretty good flavorwise. Texturally, that kinda filling grossed me out. Especially being bright green and all. Chicken was a heck of a lot better than the first time I had them (a little heavy on the basil) so I'm glad they got to work out their kinks. I was told they ran out of the sesame noodle salad before judging took place. I hope the girl was lying to me because it'd be pretty bad if they didn't have enough food for the judges.

So, I did not have the balls to try and introduce myself to any of those celebrities. However, Kenny Lao from Rickshaw did randomly approach me and shook my hand. Admittedly a very cool dude. And they seem to have quite a cult following.

Ed Levine misspoke during his anecdote about Rickshaw's. He said something like "I've had my fair share of Rickshaw's ... waffle." To which Anita Lo's face went all ghastly, Kenny turned around at her quizzically, and the crowd was like ... waffles? Lol, ouch. Let's just pretend he was being intarwebly and said rofl. :)

Peace out cub scouts. I'm still recovering from the itis.

Moment of Nom.

noreply@blogger.com (Dean) — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 23:46:00 +0000

I'd like to introduce my brand new segment. Ok, technically it's an old segment (Amalgamation compilation etc. etc.) but I'm renaming it because I'm tired of trying to remember the other title. Most of these posts may feel like fluff for the blog but I find it important personally to document my conquests, big or small. Every single experience should matter because they pave the road to becoming a more well-rounded person (in all senses of the word.)

Asked my co-worker today why she moved from LA to NYC. She said to try "something different." My first impression was "what's there to try that LA wouldn't have?" And then I realized... nearly a quarter decade in and I barely know New York myself. There I was, ready to bolt -- to get as far away from this dehumanizing culture as possible -- when it hit me: people WANT to be here.

Despite the risk of becoming a robot, despite being seen as intimidating/unapproachable by tourists, despite the terribly crowded commutes on the 6 and the mumbled profanities from all of the irritable passersby, there is something here that draws the best people in the world. And I feel like I can totally find that 'something' by sifting through the city's food.

Now, I've said this before and have probably heard it a million times when I was younger but allow me to submit: food is the only aspect of a culture which is most readily understandable and most easily shared. Everybody eats.

	El Paso @ Paul's Burger.
	Saint Marks @ Paul's Burger. I bummed a mushroom off the plate (pause!) and it was delicious.
	Second Avenue Burger @ Paul's Burger. I had to split this one with the lady because we had a pretty moderate dinner at Je'Bon and a couple of beers. I'm such a lightweight these days... Anyway, I totally inhaled my half and most of her half as well because she couldn't put down any more food. These burgers were soooo easy to eat, and that wasn't the alcohol talking. It was at least 400 times better than the most grossly overpriced and stupefyingly underwhelming burger in the world.
	One of the booths at the Union Square Greenmarket had these fluffy cakey cookies I just couldn't turn down. Got the pumpkin maple, obviously. It wasn't as good as I had expected. I was looking for more pumpkin. It was however very correctly spiced.
	Weird red dressed angel at 14th street station. Bet she feels super awkward doing this. I mean we kinda have to to some degree, right?
	I think she's standing on a box. That or her legs are freakishly long.

Philippu - a random Filipino restaurant I've passed by a few times while visiting the warehouse. Never heard of it but it looked pretty fancy and it was the only attractive restaurant on the street. I couldn't not try it out. I had an idea of what to expect but when I saw a certain item on the brunch menu, I immediately asked if they could accommodate. :)

	It looks new.
	Zoomed in from across the street.
	Very clean on the inside. I wouldn't mind hosting a few parties here.
	The thought crossed my mind to invite some friends to drive up to this place one night (after I get my car) and catch a game on that big ass tv. And then get drunk and pretend you know how to play the piano. Oh and maybe use abuse those mics too. Also liking the weathered exposed brick.
	Empty at lunchtime. Kind of a bad sign but I was hopeful. They seemed like more of a dinner joint anyway.
	So it went down like this: I walked in with purpose. I asked for a menu. I barely got past the 5th item and then I said rather hastily "I'd like a tosilog." And since it was technically a brunch item, I threw in "Is it still ok?" To which he replied, "Tosilog? Ok. Dine in? Or to go." Being the good employee that I am, I asked for it to go.

It was SUPER hot that day, one of those crazy heat spikes we had this week. I planned on taking the train back to the office to eat at my desk as I worked, but I couldn't resist trying the tocino fresh. So I walked down the least sketchy looking street, parked the container on someone's doorstep, fished around the bag and ... "where's the fork?

Meh, it's ok. I'll get a fork at the office. I'll just pick one with my fingers and then clean it off with the tissue in my pocket. Ok, here goes... .. om.

::chew chew:: .... bleh? What the hell is this? "

So, I don't think it was cured the way tocino is supposed to be. I was basically eating normal pork meat stir fried in some sickeningly sweet and unnaturally red sauce. Totally bummed, I closed the lid and walked toward the train station, dejected.

The sun was wearing me down and that commute back to the office with this container was torture. Sweaty, sticky, lugging around a crappy and increasingly smelly box of food. I died a little inside that day. $8.12 after tax! I could have taken the train to Grill21 and dropped about an extra $2 for something infinitely better. No shill, their tocino is banging. Don't think I'll be going back to Philippu any time soon.

My Skint Stint in Vietnam - Part 7 (The End)

noreply@blogger.com (Dean) — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 23:17:00 +0000

DISCLAIMER: Lots of gore. Weaksauces: beware. Better half of the gene pool: chew on this.

I've battled with my morality for quite some time with this. One hand clenched, revelled in being at the top of the food chain, proving our dominance over a very dangerous animal, one hand barely grasping the reigns of sanity as I witnessed my aunt batter a young croc to death. I would have felt much better about the whole thing if it was swiftly laid to rest.

In a way it was a lot easier to deal with if I considered it as us enacting our revenge on one of our predators. I'm sure lots of people die from croc attacks, right? Either way, as 50% carnivore (ok more like 80%) I had to eventually come to terms with 'the slaughter' if I wanted to continue being a foodie meat fiend. You become sort of a hypocrite if you love eating the bacon but can't steel yourself from that pleading squeal under the darker end of a bolt pistol.

These next few photos and captions will hopefully serve as a reminder for me of the lessons I received during this pivotal moment in my life.

	Still bound and unable to fight, my aunt whacks it over the head a few times to stun it. Once immobilized, she flips it over and starts sawing and cleaving away at it's neck. But then it 'woke up' giving everyone a jolt. Its neck was slit so deep its head bobbled as it crawled about.
	I thought about how futile it was for it to run away. I thought about how upset PETA would be. I thought about all the ways to put it down for good and realized that I could never bring myself to do any of those. I thought about how much better I would have felt if it had died quick and painlessly. And admittedly, I thought about how the meat might toughen up from the shock.
	That menacing, accusing glare it gave the camera still gives me chills. ::shudder::
	I strongly believe this is one of the reasons why food is so much more important in other countries than in the US. Most of us won't ever have to kill our own pork chops. Most of us have no respect for food, judging by the way we so easily throw out leftovers or so nonchalantly dump a 'messed up' pot of soup into the garbage.
	So after wrestling for a little bit more, my aunt managed to drag it out of the corner and hit it over the head a dozen times with the stunner. You can see the telltale skid marks on the floor. This thing was beast and just wouldn't go down easy. When it finally stopped moving, she went for some boiling water to assist with the de-scaling.

Here is the oft promised but never delivered (until now!) video of what happpened next. My aunt went ahead and poured the boiling water over the croc and was about to squat down and peel when...

edit: Link to video (sorry. forgot about how stupid facebook rss feeds were. ctrl + click to watch the video in a new tab)

It was awe-inspiring watching such a small creature fight to the bitter end. At this point I had just about lost my appetite. But then I remembered just how much effort and emotion was poured into preparing this animal. I couldn't not eat it. It would be an insult to the croc, my aunt, the earth, and myself. So I ate a couple of pieces. It was delicious, clean, flaky. After all that had happened, it seemed to taste extra good.

I would have eaten more but this plate of duck was calling me. As I ate, I stared at every piece of meat I had and realized the duck probably went through the same thing. Restrained against its will, paranoid, shocked, and never quite to terms with death before it was too late. Not eating it would have been disrespectful. It wasn't difficult to swallow either because it too tasted extra good.

Vietnam has totally changed my perspective on food. I value it a lot more. Though I may never have to dispatch a live cow or a chicken for as long as I live, I can still learn to acknowledge and appreciate what my food had gone through before getting to my plate. One step closer to being comfortable in my own skin. Through food. Who'da thunk?

My Skint Stint in Vietnam - Part 6

noreply@blogger.com (Dean) — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 01:43:00 +0000

I'm a little upset. I waited too long to post this, and now looking through my photos, I can't even remember half of the things I ate here. And it'll only get worse with the next installments. Ughhhhh. If only I could smell, if only I could taste, If only I could savor once more each of these...

You know why I'm forgetting these things? It's because of my stupid tendency to multi-task. It all started in JHS when I first learned how to download music. I used to listen to music while I downloaded music. Once I was done downloading, I would surf the web for more music while listening to music.

By high school I was chatting on AIM and doing homework at the same time, while Alice Deejay kept asking me the same question over and over again: "Do you think you're better off alone?" Oh Alice, if only you knew how much more fun I had every time I was home alone. Anyway, once I hit college, it became second nature to try and 'zone out' the world with music so I could 'focus' on my studies. But, I reasoned, since the music was on my computer, I had to turn on the computer. And since I was already on the computer, I thought I'd might as well sign on AIM. But I was sure to put up my away message so that people KNEW I wouldn't chat unless it was absolutely necessary. Like if there were free food somewhere on campus. Or free t-shirts (aka pajama shirts). Or if they told me a funny joke. By the time I was done zoning out the world, it would be about 11PM.

My grades were good the first two years despite my sketchy study habits and precursory signs of ADD, so by Junior year, I was actually beginning to take pride in being able to listen to music while last-minutely doing my homework during the weekly airing of Heroes with fried chicken in one hand and casually browsing facebook statuses about how good college life is with the other. On the toilet.

J/K about that last part. But seriously this habit wreaks havoc on my short term/mid term memory. Now, in the corporate world, I have to try really hard to shut off the ADD if I want to accomplish anything. Juggling multiple projects does not help. Post-its however, do. Hat's off, 3M. <3

Anyway, Vietnam. Yes. Vietnam. Oh how I pine for thee. This post is going to have a lot more non-food pictures than usual because food by itself is good but food in context is much more delicious.

	Early early mornings at Anchorage Airport versus
	Early early mornings as seen from my Granny's terrace. Vietnam wins, hands down. I love how the clouds are split by the empty sky. I also like how nothing in the silhouette is distinguishable. What you see is only as real as how you perceive it. Once the world becomes pitch black, everything looks exactly the same.
	I THINK these are cashew apples. They were delicious and entirely edible. But I still ate around the top and most of the navel because it was mostly just the peel.
	I can't remember what it tasted like. I can only remember the texture, that it was very refreshing, and that the inside was white with a hint of green.
	Siamese fruit. Defect or beneficial evolution?
	Apples smaller than golf balls. Barely any seeds. I remember the first time I had these, two out of two had worms in the middle. Despite the trauma, and after a charging internal psych-up speech, I decided to try this again. This time though, none. Three for five! (Phew!)
	Apple Guava.
	Inside. This variety had little to no seeds. Yum. It was so pleasant to eat.
	King of the fruits. For breakfast. I am a warrior.
	They were kinda ... crisp. I don't know if that's the right word but they were not soft and custardy like ripe durian but surprisingly were sweet like ripe durian. And the ... ahem ... perfume was much more subdued.
	Grilled chiquitas split with some sugar and scallion oil. They weren't spectacular. I think we were missing a step because they came out rather hard.
	Deep fried breads. I almost remember what this is called but I can't right now. Banh... something. ... Banh Tieu! Yay. (Ok, I googled vietnamese breads but I recognized the name the instant I saw it). They're like cafe du monde beignets sans powdered sugar. Hollow on the inside with a touch of sweetness and sesame. NOM
	My first attempt at shredding coconut. It was fun and I was totally in the Zen but my method was so time consuming my aunt had to take over.
	A better view of the tool. You have to keep it in place with your foot at the bottom (not shown). We scraped up about 7 coconuts (I think) and then threw the pulp into a cheesecloth to wring out the milk.
	The first squeeze. For some reason they don't use the natural coconut juice when squeezing. I guess because old coconut juice is spicy and would ruin the taste. Apparently, the first squeeze is always stable and doesn't separate. It's not a lot of coconut milk though.
	So after everything is wrung dry, we add more water to the pulp and squeeze some more. Repeat twice. Then toss the exhausted coconut pulp into the fish pond. This stuff will separate because it is not as pure. I didn't taste any of this stuff raw but it smelled super good. A deep breath of this stuff had the most calming effect. What's all this scratch-made coconut milk for?
	Curry! My mom's specialty curry, no less. That top layer of oil might look unappetizing but it's key to keeping the curry hot and cooking it through without losing too much liquid. It also imparts a nice mouth feel to the ingredients when you scoop them out.
	Fresh delivery of baguettes in the morning. Some places here actually deliver to you if you ask. Very convenient. Now, where is the hot condensed milk when you need it? Oh well I guess I'll just have to settle for some
	Curry sauce. MM. No chicken or taro in this bowl though.
	I forgot why these were delivered to us. I think it was a gift but it could have been a spontaneous order from one of my aunts. Not complaining. I think these are mud crabs. My mom says they're dirty because they feed on carcasses and who knows what else out there but I'm indifferent to that stuff.
	Crabs in tamarind and tomalley sauce. Best. Snack. Ever. Sitting at the kitchen table for half an hour breaking into one of these babies is actually quite relaxing. The house pets always fought over the softer bits of shell that I tossed on the floor. Yes it was a snack. I was being spoiled that day. :D
	Bamboo shoots. These were far more fragrant than the stuff you get in New York. It had a very sweet, slightly woody smell that made me drool quite a bit.
	Chopped up. One element of the mise en place for one of the most unique meals of my life.
	Duck eggs. I think these were the fertilized kind. I did not touch them this time. Had it once when I was a young kid but probably won't ever again.
	Funky eggplant. I don't remember if I tried this...
	Shrimp for the grill. Notice the tiny blue pincers. These babies were still alive and you could see them breathing, bubbles forming under their gills. I asked if we should submerge them in water but my aunt said they would die if we did. Learn something new every day.
	Croc AKA dinner. This thing hissed and moaned the whole time but I wasn't intimidated. Neither was my aunt when she offed the thing. I'd show the video but it's a bit intense. Plus I still have to figure out how to encode it. First thing next post, promise!

Now for some non-food!

	The awesomest children's "toy" in the world. Permanent bubbles.
	I haven't played with these since I was 9 so the initial blows were a bit pathetic.
	This one popped so I tried to save it by pinching the puncture. I ended up twisting one end to tighten it up and made a stem.
	After a while, I was getting better.
	We go to the point where they got big enough for us to build a something.
	My cousins decided to contribute to the tower.
	I made the biggest ones. :)
	And then someone had the brilliant idea to make a face with the failed bubbles.

	Reminds me of one of those caterpillars from Super Mario. Kinda creepy but I like it like that (yeeeaaaaah baby).

Stomp your feet if you like my beat. Clap your hands if you want some more. I got soul!

Food and Music: Connected or Dissonant?

noreply@blogger.com (Dean) — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 01:42:00 +0000

If there's one thing off topic that I'd allow myself to talk about on this blog, it would be music. I actually had an idea to try and do song pairings with dishes but that never really worked because it got too pretentious.

I mean, obviously dinner would taste much better if you were listening to some instrumentals coming off of the PA system than if you had to eat it while some hobo serenaded your chicken parm with his tambourine. But could anyone really find a perfect correlation? Like, will eating ramen while listening to Daphne Loves Derby send you into nirvana? Doubt it.

I do appreciate when restaurants play appropriately themed songs though. Mexican restaurants playing mariachi? Cool. Jamba Juice rockin' the 80's? Sweet. Jamaican Dutchy Cart and Bob Marley? Jam on. But music can't save a terrible dish.

Anyway, I digress. I was at what used to be Manny's Music Store because I was hankering for a new guitar. The Cargo (CA Guitars) I had been eyeing for years finally dropped down to about 60% of MSRP and I knew it was time to pick it up. It also gave me a chance to see if the new management was different.

	Here's the storefront. I barely recognized it.
	Survival of the fittest gone wrong. While Europe has small cafes and bakeries that have been around since medieval times, America's corporations won't even allow a small business to stay afloat for more than a few generations. We're losing our heritage, our history, our country. I'm slightly intimidated by their ability to potentially sabotage my dreams. I'm definitely going to need more money to start my own joint.
	A remnant of what once was. That and the store layout was pretty much the same. And fortunately some of the workers were the same too. I actually recognized one of the guys and probed him for an opinion. He didn't seem to mind the change because now he was responsible for a much larger inventory. I was actually hoping he'd get riled up and start ranting about corporate America. Oh well.

Onto the food! These pics are all over the place so try and keep up.

	Pho Chin Nac ('fuh?' with well done brisket) from Baoguette. Good, clean broth. Very beefy. Not a brisket fan when it comes to soups (I'm more of a shank/thigh person) but this was actually very good. I wouldn't dare to compare it to the last bowl of pho I had (5 years ago in Vietnam) though. Nothing will ever come close.
	Catfish sandwich from Baoguette. $7. It was more terrible than it should have been. Fish was cooked perfectly for the most part. The bread here was a nightmare. It was dense, hard, and flavorless. My teeth actually slipped on the crust while I was trying to bite it, causing me to indecently shove more of it into my mouth. Yes, I almost deep-throated the catfish. I ended up throwing away half the loaf and just eating the fish by itself.
	Back in Chicago. This was during my second business trip. I went to this place that the hotel recommended called West Egg Cafe. It was charming. Got a craving for Country Fried Steak and this version nearly hit the spot. The only thing it needed was more crunch! I wonder how IHOP does it...
	Had this super big but super disappointing Chicago Dog at some place I can't remember the name of. It was my first Chicago Dog and all I could think about afterwards was "wow, they can't do anything right here!"
	But as always, everything deserves two tries. I went to this place called Downtown Dogs (I think?) near my hotel and picked up this baby. This was done on the griddle so it was crispy but I also got a traditional (boiled) dog done up the Chi-town way. Those pickled sport peppers are deliciousssss.
	So after having had excellent experiences with my 2nd and 3rd Chicago dogs, yesterday I randomly had an urge to have one. A quick Google led me to the Shake Shack for their Shack-cago Dog. I don't know if it's due to any shortcomings for their upperwest side location but damn this thing sucked. The actual dog was delicious but it didn't have peppers. Did they forget? Either way I was upset so I went to Gray's Papaya (first time) and got 2 with mustard and kraut. Spot, sadly, still unhit. Must get my fix soon.
	@ Checkers for some cheap burgers. Good burgers but overhyped.
	Their fries however, were delicious. Some may say they're overseasoned but I got them fully loaded so I couldn't even taste the overseasoning. Irony is ironic.
	Banh Tap @ Pho Bang. Layers of shrimp crackers, steamed rice cake, grilled pork, peanuts, fried shallots. Never heard of this before so I ordered it. Something tells me this is a western creation. My cousins never heard of this but they really want to try it so I have to learn how to scratch-make everything and then ... make it ... for them.
	You wrap it in lettuce with some mint and then dip. I break the cracker in half as I'm wrapping it, so that it's easier to eat. Crispy, porky, salty, crunchy, spicy, sour, sweet, bitter, meaty, fresh, greasy, briny, shrimpy, pungent ... it's all there!
	@ Potbelly in Chi Town. This was a Big Roast Beef on multi-grain with lettuce, tomato, pickles, hot peppers, italian seasoning, mayo, mustard, provolone. I also added bacon and breakfast sausage for only 50cents each. When that sandwich rolled out of the toaster, it got a lot of "what the fuck" looks. The guy looks up and asks "who got this sandwich? bacon and sausage?" I said "Oh that's me" in the most casual way and he responded with the illest head shake. :P

P.S. I did this whole post while listening to 90's dance music. It's such a ... good vibration. It's such a ... sweeet sensation. ::sigh::

My Skint Stint in VietNam - Part 5

noreply@blogger.com (Dean) — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 02:09:00 +0000

I know, I know. 'Delinquent.' But, I can't be expected to update this exactly when I promise to... especially when I'm too busy noshing on other things. But as a make good, I will ~~try to~~ keep you all entertained by describing everything using haiku (and showing pictures of me eating field mice...)

a guanabana
A K A a soursop
sour counts as two

scoop out into glass
add sugar and chill in fridge
nom nom pucker nom

longan - dragon's eyes
warms your body, gives you zits
bittersweet breakfast

sticky outer skin
tastes kind of like a grapefruit
has three sugar types

sweet rice pudding cake
mung bean durian filling
hardcore, day's first meal

By now you should be adequately entertained (read: sick and tired of the bad poetry) so I'll hold off on that from here on. These to the left are made from the same batter as the Banh Xeo (sizzling crepes) except these are sweet and have a coconut milk filling. they only sell these early in the morning, starting at 4am and usually running out by 9am.

Our main source of water in the kitchen. It's hooked up to a pump that automatically routes water up from what used to be a manually powered plumbing system. Took some getting used to but now I find it to be quite charming. In some ways, going to Vietnam was like being on an extended camping trip. And I love camping.

I wasn't here for this but I thought I'd include these following pictures anyway, just so I can remember what I missed out on. Three dipping sauces. Don't ask me what they are.

Spring rolls. Frying. I missed this. I can't believe I missed this. Major sadfacing.

Not sure if it's beef or chicken. But I see pearl onions! And some kind of leaf. I'm sure I've had that kind of green before and I totally didn't go for it.

A citrus fruit that I found really hard to eat. I was told it was a tangerine but I guess it was either really unripe or a superly rejected cousin of the family that some farmer felt sorry for. It was bland, bitter, sour, bland, unappetizing. . . . . I bet it'd make an awesome marmalade. :)

Mangosteen. My brother's signature food related photo from our vacation. Everything from the blemishes on the background fruit to the way the green leaves are blurred captivates me. This doesn't represent any particular memory but its artistry somehow serves to remind me of everything good about my mornings in Vietnam.

And now for another one of my wheninromedoas memories that I will never forget. Totally wouldn't have changed a thing about this first -- grilled field mice.

Oooh. Nice colors on that fire. Wait, what's that sizzling lightly over the hearth?

Why, field mice of course. Lots of them. Butterflied and splayed out on the grate, getting their insides all nice and maillard'd.

A bit blurry and missing some body parts but here it is in most of its rodent glory. Is there anything left to leave to the imagination? All I needed at this point was a beer to dilute the weaksauce sloshing about my stomach.

Ahh, much better. Thanks. I'd rather not tackle this thing level headed.

And by popular demand (Hannah), I am posting a picture of myself. It's not the most flattering shot but how pretty can you really be with Speedy Gonzalez's thigh meat dangling from your mouth? ARRIBA ARRIBA. Yes I ate it. If you must know, it was delicious. Absolutely, horrifyingly delicious. It had a really clean and sweet grain-fed taste. These are mice that are caught in the fields and they eat fairly well. Not your normal dumpster mice.

Actually, there was a bit of confusion as to whether or not these were actually field mice or hamsters. If you google chuot dong, you'll get both responses. Even vdict.com isn't clear (searching for hamster and field-mouse both yield chuột đồng as the definition). I guess they're both very similar so we never had a need to distinguish between the two. Oh well.

A Letter to the Food Network

noreply@blogger.com (Dean) — Sun, 23 Aug 2009 05:35:00 +0000

Dear People Who Produce 'The Best Thing I Ever Ate,'

You spelled banh mi wrong. Now the entire midwest is going to think it's Ba'hn Mi. Worse, you posted that caption after showing the faces of Anne Burrell and Aaron Sanchez, making them look stupid as well by affiliation. Way to go, David Hoffman.

This is more proof that ethnic food is being perpetually bastardized by mainstream television. First Andrew Zimmern insinuates that my family eats geckos and snakes, now they're trying to create a new phonetically arranged spelling of banh mi? We have our own written language thank you very much. LRN2SPL because you are ruining the country.

Peeving,

Dean the Gourmandizer

Watermelon Juice

noreply@blogger.com (Dean) — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 00:54:00 +0000

A suuuuper-refreshing drink that works best on days like today -- hot and humid with a broken A/C at work. Ughh.

3 cups of watermelon pieces

1 cube of ice

a blender

If you want it sweet and bright, use the grainiest parts. For a more sophisticated and lighter flavor, go for the denser parts closer to the rind. It has a more cucumbery taste to it which I sometimes prefer when I'm not in the mood for something too sweet.

Load the blender with a couple of small pieces. Blend until liquified. Put in the cube of ice and set the baby on grind. Drop in watermelon a piece at a time while the blender is spinning. Watch each piece disintegrate into the abyss.

The cube of ice is really there for moral support. All that spinning warms up the watermelon and we want to keep it cold so it doesn't turn brown on us. It doesn't matter if the cube stays in one piece or not. When all the pieces are gone, blend for an additional 90 seconds to release as much juice as possible.

Health nuts, this is where you stop working and start drinking. This stuff is loaded with fiber, vitamins, minerals, antioxidants, and if you're using the same ice I'm using, traces of good ol' NYC tap water. You're done! Now go on and live to be 100.

----------------------

Foodies, keep reading.

Now, you can drink it as is but if you're paying attention to that blender you'll notice the drink as taken on a really unappetizing, greyish, pinkish, frothy appearance. And if you tried to drink it, you'll notice that it goes down like quicksand. Ew.

The trick to having really vibrant watermelon juice is to filter it through a 1-ply sheet of paper towel (peel a Bounty in half) set inside a strainer or funnel. Stir it with a spoon to speed up the process. By filtering the juice through paper, you remove all of the solids AND the bubbles that were created in the process. The bubbles and solids are what wash out the color of the juice.

Why not a cheesecloth or a fine mesh sieve (ha! like you'd have one anyway)? If you've read some of my earlier posts, you'll probably remember that I used the same trick when ladling out my cornish hen consomme. It's cheap, it's effective, and you don't have to clean anything afterwards. Win - Win.