I found this video over on Witchy Mama’s website and I just loved it. She has a cute video of her boys singing the song (part of it anyway) if you go to her site, but here is the full song- now I need to Google the lyrics to it!

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I haven’t been feeling very witchy the past few weeks. I guess it is because living in a house of Christians makes it very difficult to do anything regarding my faith. After having had one roommate basically kick me out because I am Wiccan and she was told by her church officials that she couldn’t continue to live with me and be a good Christian/Mormon, I am loathe to rock the boat here by doing anything that will allow me to express my faith.

I did however stop while walking my dog last night to appreciate the beauty of the full moon (I know it was full last night because it’s Waning Gibbous now, and is at 99% so it was either full last or Friday night) and to breathe in some of the crisp night air. I am hoping that I will be able to have at least a bit of fun with Samhain but we’ll see.

I feel at times that I am falling into a depression. Blogging no longer really appeals to me, I keep doing it because I have some work that I get paid for on my blogs. I sleep most of the day and only come up for air at night when I need to fix supper for myself and the roommates, then I spend all night awake playing on my computer, reading, or playing a video game. I am not enjoying life or anything else, and I know it is because I do not have a job that provides me a decent income that I can live on. I have to rely on the pittance I get for my blogging and on the kindness of my roommates. My job search has proven fruitless.

My issue is that I don’t know what to do to get myself out of this depression. I cannot just go to the doctor and get meds because I have no insurance and have no money. I can only hope that by trying to blog semi-regularly I can at very least bring myself some sort of therapy and maybe get myself back on track.

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Ok, so my best friend, who is a Christian, and I got into an argument about, go figure, creationism vs evolutionism. Anyone who has ever mentioned the word evolution to a Christian knows how Christians (or at least the greater majority of them) feel about evolution – it’s wrong, it’s against God, etc. So I proposed a perfectly logical middle ground. We were created to evolve. That was met with a head shake as though I just don’t get it. No, I get it.

You see, I get that Darwin could have been wrong – and that the scientific proof that has been discovered could be wrong. I also get that quite frankly, we *could* all be wrong in thinking that there *is* a higher power. Not saying that I believe there isn’t a higher power, but saying that the possibility is *there* that one does not exist. Therefore I believe it is prudent to say that we were created to evolve.

Believers cannot and will not deny that there is a higher power who created us, be it the Christian version of God, the Pagan/Wiccan Goddess, Allah, or whoever. Scientists cannot refute the proof that has been uncovered that evolution has occurred. So…. we were created to evolve. It’s simple, yet so hard for people to grasp.

They say the human mind is unable to grasp the idea that Deity has *always* been there. That Deity *is* and *always will be* there. Ok, so apparently the very idea that Deity might have just created everything, then sat back and said “let me/us see how they change, how they evolve…physically, mentally, and spiritually” is another idea that the human mind is unable to grasp. The very idea that we were created but created in such a way that we could and did evolve, is so large and so mind blowing that very few people are able to actually deal with the fact that it could be.

What is your stand on creation vs evolution? We were created? Did we evolve? Or was it a bit of both?

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This may or may not surprise people who read this blog, especially if they are Christian, but I do still say blessings over my food before I eat it. Due to living in a house of Christians, this is usually a silent blessing, or one said as I am cooking the meal each evening. (I’m the one who gets to do the cooking around here.)

Now the thing is, after reading a post over at Autumn Twilight, I began to think about the blessing I said over the food as I prepared the food, or prepared to consume the food. Traditionally I had been thanking the Goddess for the bounty of the Earth and the God of the Hunt for his assistance in bringing the meat to our table. But after reading this post at Autumn Twilight, in which the author wrote about Sacrifice, it made me stop and think. Do we ever stop to thank the spirits of the plants and animals we are consuming when we have a meal?

Most plants we consume (carrots, corn, soybeans, etc) are one year plants. Once they have been harvested, they are dead and gone. Our meat is basically a lifetime commitment for the animal the produced it. So are we thanking the spirits of those plants and animals that nourish our bodies? Nine times out of ten, I would be willing to bet we don’t.

Do you thank the spirits of the plants and animals that nourish our bodies, as well as the Goddess and God for providing for us? Or do you simply thank the Goddess and God and believe that is sufficient for your needs?

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Sometimes, life just gets in the way. Way in the way. I recently lost my job, and then was given exactly 2.5 hours notice that I had to vacate my apartment. I managed to get my pets and a few items out, but all of my altar items, all of my magickal books except for 3 are lost. I lost 3 Tarot decks as well, 2 of them ones that I am not sure can be replaced. All my ritual items, all of my rituals, spells, spell books, etc are gone. Fortunately for whatever reason I had NOT started a Book of Shadows, so that would not have been lost.

So my animals and I are living at my best friend’s house. She and her mom are devout Christians, but know of my religious path. But here I sit, with nary a candle to burn. All of my magickal work will have to be via visualization until I am able to get my own place again and once again collect all my magickal tools.

I am sure that there is a lesson in all of this that I am to learn, although I cannot see it right now. But it could also be a blessing as the place I was living was not a good place to be living. Very bad neighborhood, horrible landlords, etc. Perhaps this is all for the better.

I did get my first call for an interview the other day and I have since had the interview. I am now waiting for the beginning of next week to see if I will be called for another interview or possibly just hired outright. I am hoping to be hired as there is no chance of my getting my own place again until I have a job. Unfortunately, unlike in Stephenie Meyer’s “The Host” the world does not run without money.

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Out of curiosity and boredom, I decided to use my Mystic Faerie Tarot deck and do one of the spreads from the back of the Mystic Faerie Tarot book. I chose the Faerie Ring Spread, which requires the following:

The above image is how you lay out the cards. What you do is you need to seperate your deck into Major Arcana, Wands, Cups, Swords, Pentacles, and Court Cards. Then shuffle each section seperately and place each stack as follows:

1. Major Arcana
2. Wands
3. Cups
4. Swords
5. Pentacles
6. Court Cards

Then you take the top card from each stack. From 1-6 they represent the following:

1. Your greatest spiritual strength
2. Your most enterprising characteristic
3. Your best emotional strength
4. Your strongest response to problems
5. Your most admirable financial/resource ability
6. Your favorite aspect of your personality.

Take the bottom card from each stack and cross it over the top card. From 1-6 these cards represent the following:

1. Your greatest spiritual challenge
2. Your biggest problematic attitude
3. Your greates emotional challenge
4. Your worst fear when facing problems
5. Your financial/resource weakness
6. Your least favorite aspect of your personality

My spread when as follows:

1. The Moon crossed by The Tower
2. 3 of Wands crossed by Six of Wands
3. 3 of Cups crossed by 4 of Cups
4. 7 of Swords crossed by 10 of Swords
5. 10 of Pentacles crossed by 3 of Pentacles
6. Queen of Cups crossed by Knight of Cups

The Moon card’s most prominent feature was the howling wolf by the Goddess’ side. This indicates to me that there is great loyalty to the Goddess. However, this card was crossed by The Tower which indicated to me that there is a tendency towards doom and disaster or negative thinking. Therefore I am loyal to what I believe in, but I have a difficult time keeping from having negative thoughts and feelings.

The 3 of Wands showed two boys studying a book – providing me with the knowledge that I am studious and willing to learn new things. However, this was crossed by the 6 of Wands which showed one boy lifting a baby dragon in it’s shell and another boy looking on as if he doesn’t believe it. This let me know that skepticism is my greatest downfall, because I don’t always believe what and when I should.

The 3 of Cups showed a group of three friends sitting talking, which lets me know that I am friendly, caring, and willing to listen to those who are in need of a shoulder to cry on. However, the boy and girl faeries sitting back to back looking disgruntled with each other on the the 4 of Cups lets me know that I am argumentive and really should work on not being so stubborn.

The 7 of Swords shows me that I can be nurturing even when facing obstacles and that it is possible for me to overcome obstacles when necessary to do what needs to be done. However the 10 of Swords reminds me that I tend to be bound by my past failures and that I do not easily forget them and sometimes allow them to rule what I do and do not do.

The 10 of Pentacles shows that I am fruitful in what I do and that I share the fruits of my labors with others willingly, while the 3 of Pentacles reminds me that I often question the wisdom of things that I or others do even when I should not do so or it would not benefit me to do so.

Finally, the Queen of Cups shows that I am confident in my abilities and that I am capable of doing what needs to be done. The Knight of Cups, however, shows that I am always ready for battles, always ready to argue, even when I should just go with the flow and let my confidence in what I am doing and what others are doing take control.

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After some issues I encountered, I have been seriously contemplating doing a Celtic Cross Spread. However, there are a couple of things stopping me. First off, it’s dark as everyone is asleep. Second off, I don’t know where to lay it out as it’s a rather large spread. Finally, well, I haven’t done a spread larger than 3 cards in years. The reason for this is simple.

The Celtic Cross and other spreads larger than 3 cards have always completely confused me when I was doing a Tarot reading. The problem that I ran into was that I was reading the cards from the meanings printed in the book that came with the cards. When trying to put it together, using the meanings in the book, they never made sense. I am hoping that now that I have gotten the hang of reading the cards by intuition (aka, what the cards say to me, not what the book says) that a larger spread will make sense. Perhaps if I can get some alone time today, I will attempt a reading of a spread that is larger than 3 cards. If I do, I will post my results here.

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Of course we have on Twitter our #amtarot and #pmtarot. There is also a daily #2card that I do not participate in more out of apathy than anything else. I rarely even remember to participate in #amtarot and #pmtarot. I am planning on getting into this habit, even if I don’t tweet the meanings, but blog them. I am also wanting to get into the habit of blogging like I should here. So here we go.

The card drawn for #pmtarot on 07/17/2009 is the 5 of Wands. I am using the Mystic Faerie Tarot deck for this particular reading. The 5 of Wands shows me two young men sitting, talking, with one handing the other an egg. The one who is passing the egg looks as though he is attempting to gift the other with the egg, while the recipient has a look of confusion as if to ask “what do I want that for?” This indicates to me that there is something coming your way that you are either not going to be happy about or are not going to know what to do with/about. It could be a multitude of things, but a conflict is definitely a possibility. A change could also be what is causing this effect, so be on the look out for conflicts or changes.

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I spent many of my 33 years on this planet looking for my path. What I believed in was the biggest issue I faced in the course of this time. Did I believe in the Christians’ God/Jesus/Holy Spirit trinity, or did I believe in the Pagan gods and goddesses? Did I believe in any form of deity at all? Did I even want to believe in any form of deity? After all, with the issues I faced watching loved ones grow ill and pass away, I could very well have said that there were no deities. I could have said that deity, an all powerful being who could have stopped it and could have spared me the pain but did nothing, could not exist, for they would not want me or anyone else to suffer.

But I did believe in a higher power. I did and do believe that there is a higher power out there. I do not, however, believe that this higher power is decidedly male or is in any way vengeful against those who do not follow his words. I believe that deity can be male or female. I believe that all deities we call upon, no matter what their names or faces, are all part of the one great deity, the Androgynous being that is deity. Whether I call upon Ares and Aphrodite, Hera and Zeus, Cerridwen and Cernunos, it matters not. They are all a part of deity, all faces of deity. And so I did and still do believe in a higher power.

But I could not live by all the rules. So many rules, so many times of “do this or else.” It seemed worse than being in school. Worse to know that these were rules that I must live by or else suffer dire consequences, up to being completely cut off from my beloved higher power. I just could not do that. I can handle that there are consequences for my actions. I can handle that I will have to suffer those consequences. But I cannot believe in a faith that believes that our deity would cut us off from him/herself if we break those rules. It just does not jibe with the loving deity my heart and mind conceives of. And so I kept looking for another path.

Then one day, I happened to find a friend who was of like mind, at least in as far as she believed that the consequences for not obeying the basic rules of life should not be as dire as being eternally cast away from our beloved deity. So she and I started to do some research. I found the Wiccan path. She found a few spells and a few herbal remedies she liked, and she had already loved the Tarot. However, she decided that her faith in her Christian upbringing was more important than her new found freedom in the Wiccan faith and ran back to her Christian church and her family’s faith. And that was fine because that was her path.

It was not, however, my path. My path was one of never ending love, patience, and the knowledge that if I mess it up, I won’t be cast away from my loving deity, but will be returned to another life, another body, to learn the lessons over again so that I might actually get them right that time. My path is Wicca. What is yours?

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Well, when my best friend was on vacation and I was staying at her place (internet access lol), I decided to do the #amtarot and #pmtarot readings on Twitter via video. My laptop that I purchased back in February has a built in web camera and I figured I may as well make use of it. Below is my first tarot reading video. I have one or two more of them, which I will eventually post here for your viewing pleasure. I am not sure if it is YouTube’s issue or what that my audio and video do not match up, as when I play the version on my hard drive, it is fine. :/

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