Gooseberried

My story

2010-02-03T22:57:52-07:00

Although he had been my neighbor for about five months, I had never really hung out with Matt before. Of course we saw each other. We'd run into each other every so often which makes sense since he was my neighbor after all. He was always polite and always offered assistance for most things, if I ever needed. Do you need help carrying that? Do you need a ride? I found out later that he always sort of had a little crush on me and that pretty much explains all the offers. Unfortunately, I've always been wildly independent and so I've always answered, "Thanks, but I think I've got it." I'm bad at accepting help from others.

I started to warm up a little more to him when Dora, my old computer, died and he offered to take all the stuff off of my old hard drive and put it on my new computer. Even though I didn't let him help me, we began talking a little more freely after that, exchanged numbers and started to become friends. Soon I discovered that Matt was the kind of guy I could talk to for hours yet, it felt like minutes. We had so much in common that it seemed he was the male version of me. Not long after we started hanging out, I developed a crush on him. The only problem was...he had a girlfriend. Although this obviously bothered me, I decided to try to make the most of it anyway and accept him as this great new friend in my life.

One night, after having hung out with him for hours, I finally decided I was getting sleepy and should retire to my apartment. When I got back, I went on Facebook and pretty much stalked his profile. Because girls are super creepy like that. He had never mentioned anything about his girlfriend and I was wondering how long they had been together. I didn't want to ask because I didn't want it to seem like I liked him. So I kept going back, back, back into his wall reading the things that people had posted. When I discovered that he and his girlfriend were flirting on each other's walls as early as 2007, I started to cry. I realized that obviously they had been together for almost three years and that meant there was no chance for me. I was devastated because it was that night that I realized I really, really liked him and that I was falling in love with him. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I just knew it.

I ended up crying myself to sleep that night.

The next day, I woke up and tried to pull myself together. I took a long shower and decided while the hot water was hitting my skin that I would just have to deal with the fact that someone else had found him before me. As hurtful as it would be, I would suck it up and accept that I would probably never get over him but would have to keep on living day to day as just friends anyway. After all, that was better than not having him in my life at all. It was like I was mentally preparing myself for a lifetime of feeling empty inside knowing that there's this perfect guy for me but I'll never be with him.

How lucky I was that he must have been feeling similar things because a week later he broke up with his girlfriend and made the moves on me. I was so happy and even though other people's feelings were at stake, I knew it was right.

From the beginning, I felt that there was something more there than had ever been with any other guy. And it scared me. I told my friend, Sarah, that I was going to force myself to take things slowly (as much as I didn't want to) because I can get caught up in emotions pretty easily. Turns out, you can't force yourself to do anything. Two months later, and we're getting married. How's that for taking things slowly?

Matteo likes to say that he "tricked" me into falling in love with him. He definitely did. That bastard. But I'm so grateful to have fallen into his trap.

Pulling my hair out of my head

2010-02-01T19:35:45-07:00

As you can imagine, things have been a little busy around here. I've been slacking hard core on my Project 365 so I hope you all won't mind me cheating a little here and there. Matteo and I have been telling our families and friends about the upcoming marriage and that has been a lot to deal with. Not to mention, we aren't sure when a one or two bedroom apartment will become available in our current apartment complex, so for the time being we've decided to move all of our stuff into one of our tiny little studios. The moving aspect of it has been exhausting for both of us. Since Matt has quite a bit more stuff than I do in all areas, we decided it would be easiest to move my stuff into his apartment versus him moving all his stuff into mine. The only problem with this plan is that he already had his stuff arranged in a particular way. So, adding my stuff to that has been chaos. Matteo has done a good job though, at trying to make things as clean and organized as possible for me since I can be a little OCD about those things. Note to self: something to work on as a new and *compromising* wife.

Last week, we were on the hunt for rings that we could use for Friday during the ceremony even though they will be temporary. So, we took a little trip to Sedona to find some that would suit us. I found one that I really like. It's very Southwest and fits my personality pretty well. Matteo's mom also sent us her mother's old wedding ring and band to use if we wanted. Turns out, the ring is adorable. It's a size too small for me so I'm going to eventually get it re-sized and switch off between that and my Sedona ring for the next year or so. Matteo wants to get me a "real" engagement ring eventually, probably after he graduates from NAU. I have no idea what I would want in a ring. I just know that I don't want anything flashy or what every other women in the United States has. So the soon-to-be hubby and I are going to work on that this year.

As for other things going on, I went to an annual wedding expo up here last Saturday with Matteo and my friend, Sarah. I have a while to plan our future public ceremony but I still wanted to go just to get some ideas especially since I know nothing about the wedding industry. All I know is, I want to get married outside. The expo was pretty overwhelming going from vendor to vendor all of whom were trying to push their business down our throats. Literally. One vendor, a caterer, actually forced us to eat one of their little chocolate covered balls of cake. I know that sounds pretty amazing but if you've been chewing gum for hours and it's only 10 AM, rich chocolate with more rich chocolate in the center is just not appealing. It was the only time I wished I was Sarah and could say, "I don't eat dairy or gluten." I don't think it would be too plausible if all three of us had Crohn's disease so Matteo and I took the damn balls.

Either way, I came home with a big bag of brochures, coupons, magazines and ideas, ideas, ideas. I plan to go through this big bag sometime in...March. With the way things are going, I think that'll be the soonest date I can actually sit down and organize some of these wedding things.

On top of that, we've been looking into health insurance plans that will work for us, how to go about changing my name (it's going to take forever), organizing a lunch for us and our parents prior to the ceremony, organizing a dinner for us and our friends for after the ceremony, exercising the dogs, going to school and setting up a new budget.

I'm crazy around here so at most, I think I'll be posting photos this week. Hope you all are feeling visual.

I'm getting married

2010-01-28T20:00:00-07:00

Obviously, that title is pretty big news. And I'm being pretty big serious.

I know I've only been dating him for two months and I know that seems ridiculous. But sometimes you just know when you want to spend the rest of your life with someone. Especially if you can spend most hours of the day for two months with them and still feel at home. And that's how I feel about Matt.

I know I've just barely even announced that he's my boyfriend. But I've been a little behind on things. Waiting out the waters, if you will.

Next Friday, the 5th of February, Matt and I will be married at the Flagstaff Justice of Peace courthouse. His mom will be there. My parents will be there. Our witnesses will be there. And us.

Next year in the Fall of 2011, we plan on having our public ceremony and reception since we can't afford it right now. I haven't started planning beyond a few ideas for places to have the ceremony and who will be in my bridal party, but I still have a while to go.

I am so excited to spend the next lifetime with you, Matteo. Even though you can be a little creepy...

My blackberry enjoys screwing with me

2010-01-27T22:20:29-07:00

My knee has been healing really well since the surgery over a month ago and as such, I've been hoping to return to yoga sometime soon. But I haven't been confident enough about that decision yet to go into the studio and take a basics class to try it out. I've been sort of afraid of the outcome as I know that my knee is still pretty limited.

Instead of making the decision myself, I decided to ask my old and favorite yoga teacher who sadly moved down to Tucson at the end of last year. Her name is Stephani and she is absolutely amazing not only in her yoga practice but also in the way she teaches. I miss her dearly. I have her as a friend on Facebook, so I sent her the following incredibly wordy message:

Hey Stephani!

I hope you remember me! I live in Flagstaff and am still so sad you moved to Tucson. My boyfriend's parents live in Tucson and so maybe the next time we visit, I'll try out the Yoga Oasis. :)

Anyway, I just had a yoga question for you. I recently had knee surgery (Dec. 9th) and am starting to get a lot better at walking and getting around. I'm hoping to return to the studio soon. I just wanted to sort of describe to you what my knee is like now in hopes that you could tell me if I could go back and start at Yoga Basics level again.

My knee isn't swollen anymore but I still can't straighten it on my own. If I'm sitting down, I can straighten it out on a surface but I can't stand and use my muscles to straighten it, if that makes sense. I also can't bend it fully. I can bend it max to about a 30 degree angle. At that point it stops. I also can't fully put pressure on it yet when I'm on all fours. So all in all, the poses I'd have difficulty with are child's pose and cat/cow variations. There are probably others I'm missing or haven't thought of, but I do know that I'm doing OK with warriors and down dogs. So, what do you think? Should I wait a few more weeks or would you say I'm safe to go in? I'm eager to get back into practice.

Thanks and sorry for the long message! I appreciate any feedback you could give me. :)

Hope you're enjoying Tucson. It has snowed over 3 ft. here.

Love,
Michelle

A few hours later, I received the following response via my blackberry:

Oh yeah, Tucson is lovely! I've been hearing about your weather! Crazy!!! I don't miss shoveling! ;o) good luck & be safe out there!

So um, obviously I was pretty put off by her response as it didn't answer anything I wanted it to. After that, I tried to email the manager and regular teacher of the studio I go to the same question. No response. Needless to say, I felt pretty upset at the people I've put my trust in to guide me through my yoga journey. These were people I looked up to and hoped to establish a relationship with on my path to certification. I was also hoping that since it looks like I will remain to be staying in Arizona for a while longer (more on that later) that one of these women would be my yogic mentor.

Then a few days later I logged into my Facebook (I usually access Facebook through my blackberry) and found that I had two messages in my inbox. I was totally puzzled as I didn't remember receiving a notice on my phone about any other messages.

Hi sweet Michelle!
Of course I remember you! I'm sorry to hear about your knee troubles, but very happy to hear of your yearning to get back into your practice. It sounds like you are on the path of healing and that you are listening to your body. Yoga can help to accelerate this healing process by bringing your physical and energy body into its optimal alignment. I support you in attending basics classes on the condition that you listen to and honor your knee. If at any point there is sharp, shooting pain, that is not acceptable. Please do not tolerate it.
Best poses for you right now are ones that are simple and require strong muscular energy, like level 1 standing poses, thigh stretches, basic backbends. Your muscles support your knee. As your knee is recovering it is essential that it feel the support of your muscles for it to open to healing. You will have to work harder than you have worked in the past. That needs to be understood. With strong muscular engagement and skillful alignment you will be able to straighten your leg and bend your knee deeper with time. Patience and Devotion to yourself are key.
Also, I would suggest a private session with Erin specifically focusing on your knee. She has had knee surgery in the past and healed it! Therefore is a marvelous resource for you. She'll be able to focus on just you and your specific needs in a private session and then you could take that work home with you and to classes.
I wish you all the best in your path to recovery.
Please feel free to contact me anytime!
Love,
Stephani

Then a couple hours later I received a message back from Erin, the studio manager as well. My faith was restored! I'm going to schedule a private session with Erin soon and hopefully that will go well.

Lesson learned: You suck, Blackberry.

What to blog about today...?

2010-01-26T08:00:00-07:00

Boyfriend: You should make me do my homework when you're doing things.

Me: Huh?

Boyfriend: Well like when you're doing all your stuff, make me do my homework so I'm not just sitting around or like you just sitting around now.

Me: Oh, I'm doing stuff too. I'm reading my Google Reader and trying to think of something to blog about. Any ideas?

Boyfriend: Cameras?

Me: Ermm....

Boyfriend: Ice? Snow?

Me: Nah, already talked about the snow.

Boyfriend: Traffic?

Me: Too boring.

Boyfriend: Have you blogged about wolves yet?

Me: Wolves?!

Boyfriend: Yeah, you're favorite animal. You could talk about them and then ask everyone else what their favorite animal is too. Or you could ask everyone that question that I asked you the other day- if you could domesticate an animal, what would you pick?

Me: [Laughs]

Boyfriend: [Points to head with pencil and says...] Ideeeaaassss!