from postsecret.com

It’s jarring to read my own secret (which is, admittedly, not much of a secret to my readers) on postsecret.com. Have you ever seen your secret(s) on that site? Do you have any secrets?

Let’s get started with a quickie (because I know you love those, baby).

I am so late to the game, that all I can watch is replays. I’m finally getting down to watching Battlestar Galactica and am currently in the final episodes of season 1. I had always heard that this show addresses some fascinating questions and topics such as monotheism vs. polytheism. What I didn’t expect were quotes like this:

Cylon Number Six: “It’s important that you form a personal relationship with God. Only you can give yourself over to his eternal love. … I’m trying to save your immortal soul, Gaius.”

Gaius Baltar: “No, what you are doing darling is boring me to death with your superstitious drivel, your metaphysical nonsense which–to be fair–actually appeals to the half-educated dullards that make up most of human society, but–which I hasten to add–no rational, intelligent, freethinking human being truly believes.”

Shit yeah. Bring on all the atheistic things!

Any questions?

Photo by MudflapDC

Mira asks:

What do you fear? Do you fear death?

I appreciate Mira’s question because it always forces me to consider my priorities and do a little self-examination which, to be honest, I don’t do often enough.

My Past Panic

I recall viewing the life of an atheist to be like the journey of a tightrope walker without a net. Should she tumble, there would be no salvation from the tragic drop. Jesus was to me like a safety net that kept me from falling to my doom. If anything unpleasant could happen in the future, I had the hope that it would all work out for my good and that someone loved and cared for me enough to have a good plan for my life. Oh, and of course I would go to Heaven later, so really, shouldn’t that guard me from all fear? Sadly, this ideal didn’t work out well in practice.

As a believer who valued my faith as my most prized possession, I still feared just about everything: sinning, caring what others thought of me, conflict, loss, disappointing God by not fulfilling his will for my life, and the list goes on. Let’s take a tiny glimpse into my thoughts back in the day:

Does God want me to major in Communications or Marketing? How far is too far with my boyfriend? Is lying to save someone’s life a sin? Oh no, I missed church again! My sexuality is shameful, but I can’t stop desiring physical affection.  Should I be Catholic or Messianic? If I die without repenting my sins, will I be shamed in front of God?  Please God, tell me what to do! Am I sinning by feeling a call to the mission field and then not pursuing it? I don’t pray as much as she does; does that mean I’m a bad Christian? What if I choose the wrong Bible translation to read? How do I know when I’ve met “the one?” What if I don’t believe in Hell anymore? What job should I apply for? I feel so ashamed that I dislike evangelism so much. What if I’m not praying hard enough for my father to be healed? Could he die because I didn’t have enough faith? What if…? Which one…? Help!

One reason for all this anxiety was a lack of self-confidence. Because I could only trust God and not myself to be strong, capable, or to make the right choices, I was constantly doubting my own abilities and decisions. Not having a true freedom of choice, I was left to rely on guesswork about God’s will. If things went wrong, it was probably my fault. I was a fearful Christian, despite having a hope of salvation and love from God.

My Present Peace

Mira, I’m not going to lie and say I don’t fear anything. Here’s a nice list:

• I have a phobia of large ships.
• I’m afraid of someone I love dying suddenly. Because that’s terribly sad and difficult, and I don’t enjoy grief.
• I become anxious when confronted with something difficult I have to do for the first time–especially when I don’t know how to do it.
• I fear (or rather, I try to avoid) the emotions of embarrassment, shame, loneliness, and sadness.
• I do fear failure.
• I fear violence upon my person.

Do I also fear death? Not in the sense that I fear what comes after death, because I do not think anything happens except body decay and a recycling of my physical self back into the earth and thus the universe of which I am such a tiny part. I think the only times I fear death are when I consider the many horrific ways there are to die. My morbid mind has watched too much news and too much dramatic television. I don’t want to be scared, in pain, or to die without my loved ones around me. Other than that, I don’t fear death. I have one life, and that is all; that is fine.

Being an atheist certainly is living life on a wire. Instead of fearing a fall to the ground, I train harder, try to make better decisions, and concentrate on building myself and my confidence so I can make it across. No one–and no net–is going to save me.

Is this scary? I don’t think so. In fact, I am  happier about who I am and what value I hold even more than when I claimed the Creator of the Universe loved me and spoke to me on a personal basis. My ego has shrunk, and reality has helped me live a better life.

No one has a plan for my life but me. My choices are my own. My mistakes don’t have eternal consequences and rewards; they have real consequences, and I need to care about them. I don’t have to guess what some other person thinks is right or wrong; I am responsible unto myself and the law of the land.

What’s more adorable than a child imitating a ritual you’ve taught them? A child bossing around his or her friends so that they feel a social pressure to copy along.

Wtf  godless girl really?… Ur takin these stories and makin them sound crazy with ur ghetto gibberish I really wanna blow up on ur stupid retarted ass ppl like u hold other ppl back in growin in the lord you make it look like it a bad book are you readin it to twist the words around and make it look like u want it to say I’m sorry but u need to stfu and Gtfu really this kinda crap pisses me off to the fullest may god have mercy on u for sharin this kinda nonsense. And may god forgive me for speaking with a wicked tounge

-Erica

Thanks, Erica; that was a lot of fun. I’m not sure to which post you are referring, but perhaps it was “WTF Bible Stories: Rape, Marriage, and Circumcision“ or maybe “Sexism in the Bible.” If Yahweh wants to clarify the “ghetto gibberish” my “retarded ass” is writing, he’s more than welcome. He didn’t communicate very well the first time around, wouldn’t you say?

Cheers!

Have you ever heard these statements from Christians before? I sure have. In fact, I’ve even said them before. I felt much like this young poet:

I think he communicates some admirable views on the role of people in society:

• love others
• be accepting
• don’t be a hypocrite
• forgive
• feed the poor
• support and help those in pain
• be genuine and live out your convictions
• don’t be a sheep

And some opinions about religion I also support:

• religion is a man-made societal infection
• religion enslaves
• religion causes wars
• religion makes followers blind and intolerant

Despite all of this, I disagree with his claim that Jesus is not connected to religion at all. In fact, he even says Christianity and religion are totally separate from one another. Oh really, now? Christianity isn’t a man-made invention? The only writings about Jesus weren’t written by a bunch of anonymous men who wanted to convert followers to their belief system? Jesus wasn’t a Jewish Rabbi who was Torah-observant all his life? The belief that we’re sinners who need supernatural salvation isn’t religious?

I think it’s popular to claim Jesus wasn’t a religious man or that a “true follower of Jesus” is better than a “religious person” because it makes Christianity seem more hip, liberal, and casual than the actual theology and doctrines of the religion truly are. How do you gain followers among  doubtful and skeptical youth? You make your product cool; you make it edgy; you rebel just enough against “the system” to show you don’t like authority while still staying within the lines of the “sinner needing salvation” requirement.

Dear cool Christian Christ-follower: You can’t follow Jesus without religion. The only reason you even know about Jesus is because his followers created his legend within the framework of religion. Go ahead, leave the shitty parts of your religion in the dust; for that I applaud you. Love others, be genuine, and hate hypocrisy all you want. Just don’t think you can redefine something just to make it less disgusting and objectionable. Your love of this hippie Jesus guy and dislike for empty ritual doesn’t mean his teachings are any more true or reasonable from your mouth than they are when it’s preached within the four walls of a cathedral. You can’t whitewash Christianity and ignore the reality.

Here’s a tip: try being a humanist. You’ll fit right in!

The objective I chose to describe my goal is especially fun:

OBJECTIVE: To obtain a position within Company Name that will further God’s Kingdom and Company’s ministry…

Yeah, I still work at this job. Must. Edit.

Photo by Andrew Morrell Photography

A good friend of mine has offered me the opportunity to present a reading at her wedding. She’s also given me the option of choosing the reading myself. I’d love to be able to come to her with some ideas, but I need some help!

What would you recommend I read at a secular wedding ceremony?