As a reminder here are the couple of resolutions I set down early this year:

• Resolve to have meaningful resolutions
• Stop being such a dick to my friends
• Just being nice in general
• Try out that Lent thing
• Shed a couple of pounds
• Read more

I am going to call this the quarterly check. And so far I think I am pulling off most of them. The first was solved with just the list alone I think. But I think I have a massive fail going on so far for the dropping  a couple of pounds. And I have to admit, I am sneaking in more reading here and there. But you would have to ask my friends if I have been less dickish.

But the one I have to say you can mark off the list the whole Lent tryout.

So I went into Lent never having done the whole sacrifice thing. My religion really didn’t do that at all. But this year I said I was giving up Diet Coke.  And by the day Ash Wednesday rolled around that giving up Diet Coke turned into giving up all soda pop. And to this day of this particular cycle of Lent I have not consumed a frothy carbonated beverage.

You are a beautiful thing. And you enable me...even better!

Early on it was very obvious that I was going to have to do something about caffeine withdrawl. So I switched over to tea. Hot and iced. The first week or so consisted entirely too much tea. Three cups of hot tea in the morning, another in the afternoon, followed by a glass or two of iced tea over dinner.

But at this point I am at one hot tea in the morning and a glass of tea in the afternoon, and maybe some over dinner, but perhaps something else. So I think I am consuming less caffeine than I normally would. And rather than just shove my body full of caffeine on a schedule, I am starting to let my body tell me when it is time for the next round of the mind altering drug.

And the form my body is currently taking in telling me its time for intake? A large crunching in the neck and shoulders. Its all about caffeine being a vasoconstrictor and everything starting to open up when the caffeine gets low.

So its going good. And I now know that enjoy both English and Irish Breakfast. Also a combo of regular tea and peppermint makes for a good cup also.

See you in a couple of more weeks and we will see if I crack open a Diet Coke just for the taste of it.

C is for Creepy

POOF

Feast your eyes with the new Spy Contacts (not yet in beta)!  The idea is that these are one-way see through contact lenses that have a digital image of an iris on the front, and sensors on the back.  when your actual eye looks in a direction, the iris projection on the contacts looks in the other direction.  It’s like in post production of Episode 1 when Lucas changed which way Jake Lloyd was looking.  Only not really.

So now, instead of having to wear sunglasses at night in order to not get busted for staring at a major weapons deal going down, just pop in these puppies and pretend to be looking at a random wall while secretly checking out Miss Babeolicious walking down the avenue!

Apparently I am. Check out the Cylon Dating Test.  It’s almost as accurate as Baltar’s test.

This is my favorite question. Why yes, I do like things toasted.

I saw the “TRON” teaser trailer. And I was completely underwhelmed.

Actually, more than completely underwhelmed. I thought it was cheesy. Perfunctory. Uninspired. Wipe the tears from your eyes, my friends, or let them flow and have them wash away the retro-nostalgic blindness which has clouded your eyes.

This couch is INSIDE your computer. Also, it cost 500 Linden Dollars.

I loved the original “TRON.” The art direction was never-before-seen, and the idea was fresh. It was a stunning movie.

But it was made during a particular time period: A time when we were all in awe of computers’ potential. When they were mysterious devices only reclusive techno wizards could command in cryptic languages not spoken outside of dimly-lit labs. It was a time when you could almost believe that little sentient programs roamed the silicon highways, and controlling programs lorded over the tiny subroutines with benign neglect.

Today, though, a computer is an appliance. Much like a refrigerator or a stove, most people use them as avenues to a different goal. Having a microwave isn’t the end achievement — it’s ability to heat the chili-cheese burrito from last night. Likewise, for the vast majority of people, a computer is a means by which to update your Facebook status, play Bejeweled, or video chat with your aunt.

The “TRON” franchise has stepped out of its realm. It doesn’t belong in the world of today, and lacks the magic of the time period that made it special.

And it occurred to me that it’s not the first movie to go down this road. There were a handful of other movies that made attempts to move into a new time or bend genres. Some have succeeded, but most have failed. A few that came to mind:

“Blues Brothers” to “Blues Brothers 2000.”

The original “Blues Brothers” was an irreverant 80s romp through rust belt America, and a sort of imagined sequel in its own right. Jake and Elwood try to relive their glory days “on a mission from God” by getting the band back toegether.

The sequel, produced nearly 20 years later, was a kinder, gentler movie. Although the script tried to poke a little fun at that pretense, “Blues Brothers 2000″ comes off as a dull clone of the first film. Also, it suffers from “add a precocious kid” syndrome, which should have been the first clue this movie was going to suck.

“Star Wars Trilogy” to “Prequel Trilogy.”

What else can be said about the tale of these two trilogies? The first movie was a comparatively low-budget affair, and while the money steadily increased, “Return of the Jedi” seems like an art-house flick when compared with the CGI-mega-seizure-fest that was the prequel trilogy. In stepping into the modern era, Lucas was like a kid in a candy store, forgetting that story (which may have wavered at times) was the key driver of the first trilogy.

“Indiana Jones Trilogy” to “Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.”

Studios, take note: When the main character gets so old that you have to play the “let’s bring in the son/daughter to be the next generation” card, you’re just asking for trouble. The Indiana Jones movies were three delightful 80s romps. It wasn’t that the fourth movie was so horrible as to wind up in bargain bins… it’s just that there was a 20-year gap between filming.

“Friday the 13th” to “Jason X”

The “Friday the 13th” movies are an example of a humble 80s slasher franchise trying to rise above its caste. The first movie was a creepy, if perfunctory, summer camp horror flick that’s become cliche today. The series continued on, elevating Jason Voorhees’ boogeyman status. Note that the series’ ridiculousness increased with every iteration, seeing the summer camp setting give way to Manhattan, Hell itself, and eventually the final frontier.

In “Jason X,” the final nail in the coffin (pre-reboot), Jason is thawed out of cryogenic stasis in the distant future, where he proceeds to go about teenager killing until somebody finally kills him for what is potentially, really probably the last time. For reals.

“National Lampoon’s Vacation” to “Christmas Vacation 2: Cousin Eddie’s Island Adventure.”

“Vacation” was a timeless American-family road trip movie, but it was also firmly entrenched in a different era of film-making. The movie poured on some thick adult themes — enough to earn it a hard R rating (admittedly, that was in pre-PG13 times). It was also a huge box office hit, causing several increasingly watered down spinoffs to be produced.

By the time the franchise had worn out its welcome, the focus had gone to family-friendly direct-to-DVD releases not even Chevy Chase would touch. When that guy that starred in “Cops and Robbersons” is too good for your franchise, maybe it’s time to call it a day.

Sony debuted their upcoming motion controller — called the PlayStation Move — at the 2010 Games Developer Conference this week.

The big buzzword that Sony is attempting to leverage is “precision,” claiming that it offers a more refined experience over your current console of choice that has motion-sensitive controllers.

The claim is dubious when compared to the accuracy of the Wii MotionPlus (on the surface, both have very similar tracking). Still, once the controller playing field is leveled, the clear advantage could go to Sony, as their console supports a more robust online network, vastly superior graphics and high-end hardware.

Looks familiar...

The one hole in Sony’s plan, however, is the peripheral nature of the Sony Move. The Wii’s controller is built into the system’s architecture, while the PS3 uses the Move as an ancillary component.

Developers were quick to latch onto the Wii’s motion controls because they had no choice. The venerable PS3 controller is the de facto standard for console gaming, and the question of whether the Move will achieve mass adoption is a long way from being answered.

The Move should hit stores in the fall. Several bundles are going to be offered — but the bundle including the controllers and camera is tentatively set for “under $100.”

But for some reason unbeknownst to me geekgirl has some totally different priorities when it comes to geek loves. And most I boggle at. So I come to you for help

Can anyone please explain to me the going gaga by geekgirl over the following?

Aragorn opens some doors

Okay. A couple of doors being pushed open. Do I really need to see this four times in a row followed by a slow motion followed by a two minute on pause staring session? It has even infected the Urban Dictionary.

Aragorn: verb, to throw open a pair of adjacent doors simultaneously and forcefully, while striding through purposefully.

“If I Aragorn this door, it might just shatter the glass with the force of pure awesome.”

Spartan groins

Bunch of red cloth and spray on six packs. If I really wanted this kind of jiggle action I would go to the ballet.

Keith Callum Rennie

That dude from Battlestar? Really? Really? No really?

I am sure there are others. So this is the start of my list. I need help. Please help. And if any of you other male Geek6 readers have something you don’t quite understand, feel free to ask away to receive your help as well.

At least you guys can be proud as I presented at said conference on how to embrace technology to enable academic advisors to be able to advise over distances instead of across a desk. Totally did half of the presentation in my hotel bathroom via Skype.

Anywho, prior to all of that going down I was lucky enough to get my hands on a copy of Tor Books’ latest fantasy anthology Warriors. If any of you are fans of the couple of Legends anthologies that Tor put out, there are some common authors between the two, Robin Hobb, David Weber and an old bearded man named George R.R. Martin.

Martin’s new novella The Mystery Knight is what really got me looking forward to diving into the book. Martin had a novella in each of the two Legends anthologies as well. All three center around a hedge knight, Ser Duncan the Tall, and his faithful companion, Egg, who is quite more than he appears.

In what I call “The Adventures of Dunk & Egg,” you have the land first presented in Martin’s A Song of Ice and Fire series, only a couple of generations before the fact. Each is a standalone story for the most part with little intertwining between then outside of the main protagonists. And the latest adventure has Dunk and Egg taking part in a jousting tournament that perhaps they should not have stuck their nose in.

Overall it is always nice to get back to the land of Westeros and see familiar names and landmarks as they flash across the page while I read. And of course it is nice to see what Dunk and Egg are up to. But The Mystery Knight doesn’t hold the shine that the previous two novella had.

The story is entertaining in itself, but it seems like Martin had just got done watching A Knight’s Tale and might have been inspired by the wrong source. From mystery men to mystery jousters, it all seems a little forced. And all the set up for the surprise ending seems a bit odd considering it is just a novella and will probably not be linked back to the main series. But I still maintain the story is entertaining enough to bring me back to the next adventure of Dunk and Egg.

But what really gets my goad here is that Martin has time to slap together a couple hundred of pages for Dunk and Egg, but in his main series of A Song of Ice and Fire, he bemoans the fact that fans want the next book. A book that was said to be mostly written when it was split in half with 2005’s A Feast for Crows. The man has even gone as far as to lash out at fans for always asking for the next book. So instead he took his ball and went to Ireland to contribute to HBOs upcoming television adaption for A Game of Thrones.

Now honestly can I expect Martin to bend knee to fandom? Of course not. He has his own life, soul and energy to worry about. After all does anyone really want a rush job of a book with little heart in it? See my point. Double edged sword. Fun to dance on the edge eh?

Also in all of this is the consistent reference to Martin having a chance of “pulling a Jordan.” This is in reference to Robert Jordan passing away before he could finish his epic Wheel of Time series. So my turn to be appalled at the fandom for their insensitivity. The Wheel of Time found Brandon Sanderson to wrap up the series. Martin has stated that if he goes, his story is going with him.

And now after writing this I see a little Tyrion Lannister in Martin. Tricksy little devil. Well done sir, I await your next move.

Back to Warriors, I am looking forward to Hobb’s entry (I went back to finish the 100 pages or so of The Gathering Storm) so I can get a feel for her writing before diving into her more popular works. I was also curious about Diana Gabaldon but quickly realized I really cannot stomach fantasy romance. I was always under the assumption that Gabaldon was more of a fiction writer, but nope.

But for what it offers and what it gives, I am giving Warriors a thumbs up.

And as with all anthologies it will be a good pick up when I am looking for new authors to read once I get my reading queue down to a manageable level.

Next six books up?

• Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban by JK Rowling
• The Lightning Thief (Percy Jackson) by Rick Riordan
• A Feast for Crows by George R.R. Martin
• Assassin’s Apprentice by Robin Hobb
• The Lord of the Rings by JRR Tolkein (reread)
• The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown

Mix in there the final two Wheel of Time books set to be released the November and next as well of the possibility of A Dance with Dragons seeing the light of day and that small list will last me until 2022.

Not enough hours in the day.

The biggest of them, story-wise, is a hardcover graphic novel that’s been in the works for three years. “The Shepherd’s Tale” will delve into Book’s mysterious backstory, and will be in stores in November. Although his checkered past was often dangled in front of us during the series and movie’s run, this will be the first time we’ve been presented with a canon telling of how a preacher came to know so much about guns.

A few hints about Book’s past were imparted from creator Joss Whedon a couple of years ago, and these themes will be explored in the graphic novel. In a quote on Comicbookresources.com, editor Scott Allie said, “Here’s what he told Ron: Book killed a man, and took his name. He’s best known for his greatest failure. One part of him is artificial. And he found God in a bowl of soup.”

Also of interest is friend-to-all-geeks Patton Oswalt’s upcoming “Serenity” one-shot, which hits in June. Less is known about the plot of this storyline, but Oswalt gets the unique patois of the Firefly ‘verse, and it’ll surely be a lot of fun to read.

We can’t wait to get a little more ‘verse under our belt. Even though it’s no substitute for a new series, these forays into comic books and other media give megafans like us a way to slake a little bit of our “Firefly” thirst.

More information at Comic Book Resources.

We all shifted nervously, the kid-sized Lazer Tag vests bungee corded around our grown-up bellies feeling uncomfortably tight.

The hooch’s presumed owner spoke up. “It’s not mine, officer,” he stammered, attempting to sound plausibly innocent. “My older brother had the car last night, and he must have put that back there.”

“‘Zat so?” the deputy loudly mused with textbook authoritarianism as he looked to his partner. The gravel crunched as he walked back to his patrol car, sidestepping the pile of 10-year old ray guns. “You were just out here playing ‘guns,’ and not drinking?”

He didn’t wait for an answer, carrying on as he rummaged through his patrol car’s trunk, emerging with a small plastic box. “This here is a breathalyzer,” he said, slowly waving it in front of our blushing faces. “If one of you so much blows one thousandth of one percent on this device, you are ALL coming back to the station with us.”

“You sure you want to make that deal?” He smirked and looked to his partner.

Eight hours earlier…

The gear was splayed across the floor of one of my friends’ dorm rooms. There were six of us gathered there under the florescent lights. We bent low to examine the goods available to us.

“We have 6 pistols, all in decent shape,” the guns’ owner said, straightening a pistol in the line. “The seventh is bad — probably a faulty emitter. We have 6 working sensor packages, but only 3 vests — we’re going to have to improvise. The primo piece, though, is this,” he pointed to a tall, awkard hat. “This is a sensor helmet. Whoever blocks their chest sensor repeatedly has to wear this.”

We didn’t have much for way of entertainment in this small town. A mostly abandoned shopping mall and a 3-movie theater were the best things within 30 miles. And, seeing as how must of us weren’t yet 21, we couldn’t even avail ourselves of the town’s measly bar offering. So we had to make our own entertainment.

And tonight’s entertainment-in-question was a supply of 80s-era Lazer Tag guns, discovered by his parents earlier in the week. The weapons cache was in great shape for being more than 10 years old, and after a day of duct taping the things back into working order, we were itching to try them out.

That night, we suited up in black attire, and tried as best as we could to shoehorn our post-freshman-15 frames into shiny vests made for kids more than half our age.

It was dark when the six of us drove separate cars out to the battleground — a park on the outskirts of our rural college town which had plenty of hills and trees — both rarities in that part of the country. We parked in a gravel enclave and divvied up the teams.

How we thought we looked.

As we ran through the forest, diving for cover and gesturing to each other with hand signals, we were all 9 again. We crawled through the bushes, imaginarily recreating our favorite sci-fi scenes, and pretending that the person next to us didn’t look completely ridiculous in that tiny silver vest, expanded through the creative use of bungee cords.

We were having so much fun that we didn’t hear the anxious shouts from one of the players. “Guys!” he said. “You better come out here.”

One by one, we emerged from the forest, stealthily moving, our guns held at high port, lest it be an ambush.

It was.

As one squadmate emerged from the trees in camoflauge, brandishing the weapon in his hand, he heard a crisp shout. The kind of shout that emanates from only one type of person. “What’s in your hand! Drop it! DROP IT NOW.”

Two officers from the Adams County Sheriff’s Department were standing there, the bright glare of their headlights blinding us as we emerged back to reality.

“Whoawhoawhoawhoa… it’s a toy gun!” my squadmate shouted, throwing it to the ground. I remember wincing as the gorgeous relic hit the gravel, the battery cover heaving open like a burst corset, brittle plastic shooting one way as the battery flew the other.

Nearly an hour later, after an interrogation rigamarole that would have made The Dark Knight proud, we were all done wheezing into the breathalyzer and minus one albatrossy case of light beer. Apparently, the whole incident became a big deal when residents called in sounds of “sheep in the woods,” (most likely the vest sensors registering a hit) and were afraid a bunch of satanists were sacrificing animals.

The worst part about the whole event wasn’t that we were accosted by the deputies, or that we were found with beer in the car…. It was that we were found not drinking it.

The officers were dubious of our joint claim of sobriety, but were actually more embarrassed for us when we all blew .000 on the breathalyzer. That a group of college kids would be out in the woods on a Friday night with a 24-pack of beer, but would rather play with toy laser guns, was an act unheard of in this small town.

Epilogue

Pay no attention to the apparent ages of the children on the box.

That night was as hard on the ancient technology as it was our pride. Without enough functioning guns to field a good game, our short-lived joy seemed like a one-time affair.

Until, one day, while ambling through Wal-Mart (I said we needed to be creative about our entertainment), we saw boxes on the shelves proclaiming “New! Laser Challenge!” sets.

That weekend, we began again, a fresh supply of technology at our disposal. We collected the goods like crazy ladies collect cats, and kept them in “go-lockers” (an empty nook by the front door of our apartment). A few of our geekier allies on campus security even cleared the way for us to play around the campus late at night.

A place, evidently, where sheep were common and satanists were rare, because our games never encountered trouble from the law again.