1. Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental!

2. Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?

3. As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?

4. I’d like to kick you in the teeth, but why should I improve your looks?

5. At least there’s one thing good about your body. It isn’t as ugly as your face!

6. Brains aren’t everything. In fact, in your case they’re nothing

7. Careful now, don’t let your brains go to your head!

8. I like you. People say I’ve no taste, but I like you.

9. Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?

10. If I had a face like yours. I’d sue my parents!

11. Don’t feel bad. A lot of people have no talent!

12. Don’t get insulted, but is your job devoted to spreading ignorance?

13. Keep talking, someday you’ll say something intelligent!

14. Don’t you love nature, despite what it did to you?

15. Don’t think, it may sprain your brain!

16. Fellows like you don’t grow from trees; they swing from them.

17. He has a mechanical mind. Too bad he forgot to wind it up this morning.

18. He has a mind like a steel trap-always closed!

19. You are a man of the world-and you know what sad shape the world is in.

20. He is always lost in thought-it’s unfamiliar territory.

21. He is dark and handsome. When it’s dark, he’s handsome.

22. He is known as a miracle comic. If he’s funny, it’s a miracle!

23. He is listed in Who’s Who as What’s That?

24. He is living proof that man can live without a brain!

25. He is so short, when it rains he is always the last one to know.

26. He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot.

27. How come you’re here? I thought the zoo is closed at night!

28. How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?

29. How much refund do you expect on your head now that it’s empty.

30. How would you like to feel the way you look?

31. Hi! I’m a human being! What are you?

32. I can’t talk to you right now; tell me, where will you be in the next 10 years?

33. I don’t want you to turn the other cheek; it’s just as ugly.

34. I don’t know who you are, but whatever you are, I’m sure everyone will agree with me.

35. I don’t know what makes you so stupid, but it really works.

36. I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit?

37. I can’t seem to remember your name, and please don’t help me!

38. I don’t even like the people you’re trying to imitate, if you are at all.

39. I know you were born silly, but why did you have a relapse?

40. I know you’re a self-made man. It’s nice of you to take the blame!

41. I know you’re not as stupid as you look. Nobody could be!

42. I’ve seen people like you, but I had to pay admission!

43. Why are you so stupid today? Anyway, I think that’s very typical of you.

44. Do u practice being this ugly?

Post from: FunN2sHh Want to receive more Updates like these, you can join our mailing list Yahoo Group Google Group

40+ Cool Insulting Lines

An 80 year old lady was being interviewed by the local news station because she had just gotten married – for the fourth time.

The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband’s occupation. “He’s a funeral director,” she answered.

“Interesting, ” the newsman thought.

He then asked her if she wouldn’t mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.

She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years.

After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she’d first married a banker when she was in her early 20′s, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40′s, later on a preacher when in her 60′s, and now in her 80′s, a funeral director.

The interview looked at her, quite astonished, and asked her why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

She smiled and explained “I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.”

Post from: FunN2sHh Want to receive more Updates like these, you can join our mailing list Yahoo Group Google Group

Why 4 Husbands ?

A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to marry the little girl across the street. The father, being modern and well-schooled in handling children, hid his smile behind.

‘That’s a serious step,’ he said. ‘Have you thought it out completely?‘

‘Yes,’ his young son answered. ‘We can spend one week in my room and the next in hers. It’s right across the street, so I can run home if I get scared of the dark.‘
‘How about transportation? ‘ the father asked.

‘I have my wagon, and we both have our tricycles,’ the little boy answered. The boy had an answer to every question the father raised.

Finally, in exasperation, his dad asked, ‘What about babies? When you’re married, you’re liable to have babies, you know.‘

‘We’ve thought about that, too,’ the little boy replied. ‘We’re not going to have babies. Every time she lays an egg, I’m going to step on it!‘

Post from: FunN2sHh Want to receive more Updates like these, you can join our mailing list Yahoo Group Google Group

6 year old innocent wants to get married

This has been experienced by us, so please do take it lightly.
No Offenses to Sikh Community
Carry on reading and laugh

1. Some of the guests didn’t bring a gift – they make a big production of giving the child 500 Rs. in front of everyone and the child has to act like he does not want it.

2. The cake says ‘Happy Birthday Jee‘ instead of the child’s real name.

3. The party is partly in a garage (where the women are frying up pakora’s) and in a family room where the men are watching sports.

4. It’s a child’s party, but there are more grown-ups than children.

5. It’s Jeeti‘s 1st birthday and the party food is goat meat, biryani, aloo gobi, dal makhani, and a salad of red onions and cucumbers, 10 cases of beer, 2 kaddas (JUGS) of Bacardi and kheer.

6. For entertainment, there is usually a televised football game, or a Hindi movie on.

7. The party was supposed to be over at 7pm, but it’s 10pm and the party is just starting.

8. The host calls someone who’s on their way and tells them to stop and get some mathai and pick up Bhintoo because she is getting off work.

9. You have to take tea and snacks to a bedroom where bibiji is laying down during the party. Kids are playing in that room and going through drawers, but she is okay with it.

10. The party is on Saturday, and you get a call from the Jeeti’s mum on Friday saying, ‘I’m giving Jeeti a birthday party tomorrow at 3pm. Make sure you all come.’

11. Some guests bring gifts that are still in the store bag.

12. An uncle ends up getting drunk and yelling something at his wife, the party stops for a minute but resumes as if nothing has happened.

13. Everybody runs to his or her car to get a CD when the bhangra music begins.

14. It’s Jeeti’s birthday, but since her cousin Deepi is there and his birthday is in a few days, it becomes Jeeti and Deepi’s party.

15. You have to beg the male guests to eat dinner, they still want drink and socialize even though it is 2 in the morning and they have hour drive home.

Post from: FunN2sHh Want to receive more Updates like these, you can join our mailing list Yahoo Group Google Group

15 ways to tell its Punjabi B’day Party

Doobte hue aadmi ne
Pull par chalte hue aadmi ko
Aawaz lagayi “bachao bachao”
Pull par chalte aadmi ne neeche
Rassi fenki aur kaha aaoo….

Nadi mein dobta hua aadmi
Rassi nahi pakad pa raha tha
Rah rah kar chillaa raha tha
Mein marna nahi chahta
Zindagi badi mehengi hai
Kal hi to meri ek MNC mein naukri lagi hai..

Itna sunte hi pul par chalte
Aadmi ne apni rassi kheench li
Aur bhagte bhagte wo MNC gaya
Usne wahan ke HR ko bataya ki
Abhi abhi ek aadmi doobkar mar gaya hai
Aur is tarah aapki company mein
Ek jagah khali kar gaya hai…

Mein berozgaar hoon muje le lo…
HR boli dost tumne aane me der kar di,
ab se kuch der Pehle humne us aadmi ko lagaya hai
Jo usse dhakka de kar tumse pehle yahan aaya hai !!!

Post from: FunN2sHh Want to receive more Updates like these, you can join our mailing list Yahoo Group Google Group

Height of Recession

Presenting you today is a Mensa Questionnaire which will test you mental levels. For your ease, 1 of 33 problems have been solved, and you have to solve rest 32. According to Mensa, if you get 19+ score you are a genius. If your score is in between 1 – 5, you are an average person, 6 – 11, somewhat intelligent, 12 – 18 intelligent.

Click Here to Download Mensa Questionnaire

Post from: FunN2sHh Want to receive more Updates like these, you can join our mailing list Yahoo Group Google Group

Mensa Questionnaire

H O L L A N D
Hope Our Love Lasts And Never Dies.

I T A L Y
I Trust And Love You.

L I B Y A
Love Is Beautiful; You Also.

F R A N C E
Friendships Remain And Never Can End.

C H I N A
Come Here …I Need Affection.

B U R M A
Between Us, Remember Me Always.

N E P A L
Never Ever Part As Lovers.

I N D I A
I Nearly Died In Adoration.

K E N Y A
Keep Everything Nice, Yet Arousing.

C A N A D A
Cute And Naughty Action that Developed into Attraction

K O R E A
Keep Optimistic Regardless of Every adversity.

E G Y P T
Everything’s Great, You Pretty Thing

M A N I L A
May All Nights Inspire Love Always.

P E R U
Phorget (Forget) Everyone… Remember Us.

T H A I L A N D
Totally Happy. Always In Love And Never Dull.

Post from: FunN2sHh Want to receive more Updates like these, you can join our mailing list Yahoo Group Google Group

Meaning of Some Country names

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large Plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags rips, and every once In a while a $20 bill falls out onto the sidewalk.

Noticing this, a policeman stops her, and says, “Ma’am, there are $20 Bills falling out of your bag.”

“Oh, really? Darn!” said the little old lady. “I’d better go back, and See if I can find them. Thanks for telling me.”

“Well, now, not so fast,” says the cop. “How did you get all that Money? “You didn’t steal it, did you?”

“Oh, no“, said the little old lady. “You see, my back yard is right Next to the football stadium parking lot. On game days, a lot of fans Come and pee through the fence into my flower garden. So, I stand Behind the fence with my hedge clippers. Each time some guy sticks his Thing through the fence, I say, ‘$20 or off it comes’..

“Well, that seems only fair” laughs the cop. “OK. Good luck! Oh, by the Way, what’s in the other bag?“

“Well, you know”, “not everybody pays“.

Post from: FunN2sHh Want to receive more Updates like these, you can join our mailing list Yahoo Group Google Group

Old Lady with Garbage Bags

Latest Bug spreading around these days, check it out.

#include
#define LAST 10

int main()
{
int i, sum = 0;

for ( i = 1; i < = LAST; i++ )
{
sum += i;
}

/*-for-*/
printf(“sum = %d\n”, sum);
return 0;
}

Seriously Irritating, isn’t it??

Below we have the bug fix,

*

**

***

****

*****

******

*******

********

*********

**********

*********

********

*******

******

*****

****

***

**

*

#include stdio.h;
#define LAST 10

int main()
{
int i, sum = 0;

// Fixed. Doesn’t move anymore.

for ( i = 1; i < = LAST; i++ )
{
sum += i;
}

/*-for-*/
printf(“sum = %d\n”, sum);
return 0;
}

Post from: FunN2sHh Want to receive more Updates like these, you can join our mailing list Yahoo Group Google Group

Latest Bug and Bug Fix

PCMCIA
People Can’t Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms

ISDN
It Still Does Nothing

APPLE
Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity

SCSI
System Can’t See It

DOS
Defective Operating System

BASIC
Bill’s Attempt to Seize Industry Control

IBM
I Blame Microsoft

DEC
Do Expect Cuts

CD-ROM
Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months

OS/2
Obsolete Soon, Too.

WWW
World Wide Wait

MACINTOSH
Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs

PENTIUM
Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics

COBOL
Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language

AMIGA
A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction

LISP
Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parenthesis

MIPS
Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed

WINDOWS
Will Install Needless Data On Whole System

GIRO
Garbage In Rubbish Out

MICROSOFT
Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only (for) Fools (&) Teenagers.

Post from: FunN2sHh Want to receive more Updates like these, you can join our mailing list Yahoo Group Google Group

Modified Computer Acronyms