It’s likely that close to no one will actually care, but pfft – here at freshbytes, we’ve had a good run. What originally started out as the front-end to a quasi-replacement of the BWS Online days of old has now evolved into a place where I post relective crap up, in the hopes that at least someone will read it and have their thoughts provoked. Syncing these posts to my Facebook profile has given them a new lease on life, even if the readers aren’t actually visiting the website.

That’s okay – we’ve had our fun. Freshbytes has been an immensely awesome learning experience for me especially, as webmaster, curator, and overseer of operations. Amongst other things, freshbytes has been the proving ground, the stable horse, and the trainer, all on the one webhosting account. It’s also been the home to many an education – in particular, a HUGE introduction to the blogosphere and especially WordPress, which is by far and away the most useful blogging platform that I’ve come across.

While I may be shutting down this WordPress front end in the near future, that doesn’t mean the complete end. We’ve (or maybe I should make that I, in absence of co-conspirator Chris) still got a couple of decent posts up our sleeves, and those should be written with an increased frequency over the next month. The plan from there is to move all existing content which I deem worthy across to my main, personal, blog. This’ll most likely include those awesome GarageBand compositions, the NoSpoon LAN details and pictures, as well as some of the better blog posts.

Behind the scenes, this blog will be kept intact – however, that doesn’t mean that it will be updated (and I’ll tell you right now – I don’t intend to update this website after January 2010). I’ve registered the domain name for an additional two years – just so everything has a chance to make the move to my other domain. Images which depend on the freshbytes domain will be trickier – while the files hav already been copied across, I’ll probably have to write a htaccess rule to make matching URL requests automatically find the right file in the new domain. It shouldn’t be too hard.

So, here’s to what we had. Here’s to the education, learning, and experiences that freshbytes offered us. Here’s to the blog posts that provoked thoughts, made people think, and allowed them to work things out.

Most of all, here’s to you.

If life were a Hollywood movie, they would be the ones the government calls on in times of emergency, when the words “national security” are whispered between men in black trenchcoats.

Enough of the narrative, though – needless to say, I’m not like those guys. Instead, I have to endure social awkwardness without any of the usual side-effects of such people, such as those with mild autism – their gifts are genius-level intelligence, a razor-sharp mind, and a helping of witty repartee at my disposal.

Sure, I don’t think I do too badly when around friends. The days of where I would top the class in almost every test are long gone, though, and now all I have to look forward to is scraping a mark meager enough for me to pass – but only just.

Maybe what I’m trying to say is that I’d like to be one of those guys, like the Bug in Matthew Reilly’s Hover Car Racer, who can calculate the most effecient course through a maze-like combination of gates and point scores, all in a number of seconds. There’s also this game on the iPhone, whose name I cannot remember at this particular time, where you had to flip a tile to set off a chain-reaction of other tiles. I’m sure that there’s some sort of pattern that would allow me to create a tileset that would continue indefinitely, but for the life of me, I can’t seem to figure out the correct one – my highest scores thus far have been flukes from a random arrangement of tiles.

Smart? I’d love to be smart – but does intelligence come with being smart, or is it the other way around?

Over the last couple of months, I’ve discovered that I’m the kinda person to go against the grain, against the flow.

The most basic example of this I can think of is the fact that if you say no, I’ll be more inclined to say yes. And conversely, if you say yes I’ll be inclined to say no – not because I like having a conflicting opinion, but because most of the time, what you’re saying doesn’t match my own thoughts and actions.

Uni results were released last Friday, and one of my friends remarked that he thought he worked harder than all of us – which was probably true, and his results certainly reflected that, after my reply of “well, I cant say that wasn’t expected, after all, you did put in the hard yards”. You might be able to tell I’m a firm believer of the “reap what you sow” philsophy, but that’s for another time.

Anyway, he made the remark in such a way that prompted me to think – and I could be reading too much into it, after all, it was sent in an email – that he’s the kind of guy who has “always look on the bright side of life” attitude. Which is weird, because he doesn’t apply it to other parts of his life, but in any case, he said it in such a way that implied that he thought if you do everything right, there’s no way you can go wrong.

Now it could just be me, but even my meagre experience in the IT industry says that that’s almost never the case, all because of the one element that’s prone to errors – humans. Yeah. I came to realize that no matter how many precautions you make to ensure stuff doesn’t stuff up, it invariably will, one way or another.

Which, in itself, is kinda weird because usually I’m a “look on the bright side” person. If someone says the situation looks bleak, I’ll usually manage to find a silver lining.

I’m not actually sure what I’m trying to say this time around, because it’s all still a huge jumble in my head. Maybe I’m a hypocrit because sometimes I’ll swing both ways – but rarely am I a fence-sitter (unless I really don’t care).

Hmm.

I guess we’ll leave it at that, then. Hopefully I’m not the only person to note this, the fact that I’m constantly at loggerheads, even with people I call friends. =/

When describing a sanctuary (as opposed to a safehaven), I would usually err on the side of “spiritual/meditation/place to center yourself”, but really, anywhere can be a sanctuary, so long as it takes you away from the daily grind – whether that be work, school, or whatever you do for a living.

One of my friends also has their own sanctuary – every once in a while (okay, a couple of times a year), he’ll go away (often at the drop of a hat) and come back a little while later, refreshed and ready for whatever the next couple of days/weeks/months will bring him. Where he goes isn’t exactly public knowledge, but those that have been agree it’s an excellent place to shoot zombies, among other things.

In my mind, a sanctuary can exist in the most innocuous of locations – a shack at the beach, a good friend’s house, even something as simple as your car. As long as it’s a place where you can get away from it all, escape from whatever’s on  your mind and just *enjoy* and *relax* – that’s a sanctuary, and having one is just unbelievable.

I don’t doubt that there are a whole heap of psychological benefits to having such a sanctuary – it’s awesome to be able to take a break once in a while, and hopefully it means that you’ll be able to sort some things out, re-center yourself, and come back refreshed, renewed. I know it sounds a little corny, perhaps even a little zen-like, but realistically – isn’t that what a sanctuary is? Someplace where you can feel safe, untouchable, a place where everything has it’s own time and it’s own place?

The holidays have started, and it’s time to get down to business. Yeah, I’ve got a hell of a lot of things to do (and so many things to buy!), but this time, it looks like I’ll actually have time to do them (although it’s debatable about how much money I’ll have to buy them).

So many things, so little time…

Time to find my own sanctuary.

Have you found yours?

I don’t usually post personal (well, not too personal ) stuff here, only because I’ve got my own blog for that. However, with freshbytes circling the drain I think it’s time we made sure that line is well and truly blurred. Here goes.

Over the past couple of weeks I’ve had an unholy amount of assignments and so on unleashed upon me care of Uni – with the exam period looming large, I feel like there’s some sort of pressure for me to preform.

As I’ve struggled to figure out how to call specific functions in programming, or how to make Javascript write to cookies, or how to determine how to validate forms using HTML, I feel like there’s just no point to all of this. Really, what’s the point? A degree in Computing (whoop-de-friggin-do)? That just seems so far away, and so futile…

Once upon a time I wanted to get into Dentistry. Certain circumstances changed (most on those another time), and now I’m not so sure. That’s not to say that if I was offered a place I would turn it down – I for one know how hard it is to get into those kinds of degrees – it’s just that sometimes, things just seem unbearably hard, you know?

The thing is, I’m not actually sure what I want to do now. Once upon a time Computing was my backstop degree (that is, backup), now it’s my primary one and it’s fast becoming my most hated one. Everything’s just too hard

Please don’t think of me as lazy – rest assured, as long as there’s enough reward in it for me, I’ll work damn hard to dot my i’s and cross my t’s. It’s just that now, almost one-third through my wishy-washy Computing degree, it’s like everything worthwhile seems so far, far away…

It gets even harder when you consider that I’m not sure what I want to do anymore. Everyone says to do something you enjoy – I used to enjoy Computing (or more accurately, computers), but now I’m not so sure. The hard question needs to be asked, then: what do I enjoy doing?

The sad thing is that I’m not quite sure I have an answer; computers are still fun, I love tinkering around with stuff like that, but as for making a career out of it? Video games, I love playing them, but again, making a career out of it?

Then there’s my real job. Ah, Apple. Apple stuff is cool, for sure, and I’d work in an Apple Retail store in a heartbeat, but again, I have relatives who have been salesmen their whole lives, and while they’re not too bad off they’d certainly be better off if they had a degree. I know that degrees give you excellent career opportunities, licenses to travel the world, etc, etc – it’s just going through the rigmarole of getting them that hurts the most. So yeah, retail isn’t a career path I’m willing to take – stupid ignorant customers took care of that pretty quickly.

Where to from here, Benny?

That, is the real question – one that I’m not sure I have an answer to.

(Apologies for the somewhat moody post again. Blame Uni. Blame whoever you want – I couldn’t care less.)

Even I’ll admit that I’m but a shadow of the person I used to be. Nap time in prep has well and truly passed, and even the pleasures in “guilty pleasures” has been removed; only the guilt remains.

Yes, I’m aware of how emo this particular post may sound, but hear me out. If this doesn’t particularly appeal to you, no one’s forcing you to stay.

So. If you were to tell me right at this second that everything’s just gone to hell on a handcart, I’d say you were about right.

I guess the problem comes from not knowing what I want to do. Like my Windows 7 party, I’ll go through the motions to make it seem like I have everything planned out, and had everything gone my way I would have given it everything. Unfortunately for me things haven’t gone my way, and now I’m just… lost.

It’s alsmost surreal. I lack motivation for anything, and things which seemed once enjoyable just aren’t anymore – just something to pay the bills and feed my gaming addiction, you know?

Honestly, I couldn’t care less. Procrastination is my modus operandi, and everything just seems to lack excitement, or any kind of payoff. Even things which mildly interest me, such as web development seem like utter crap when assessed. Assessment just takes all the fun out of it, you know? What’s the point, really? So I can get some piece of paper that says I can do certain things? Hoo-rah, gentlemen.

I don’t think I’ve asked myself the big questions in a little while – what do I want out of life, where do I see myself in 10 years, what do I want to be doing, etc – but even if I asked them today, I honestly wouldn’t have an answer.

It’s somewhat sad, because I know I’ve got my whole life in front of me, and yet I have no idea what to do with it. I know I want to do something (anything else would just be a waste), but I’m just not sure what.

It’s like like the lights are on, but there’s no one a home. It’s like there’s a door, and you can knock on it, but no matter how long or hard you knock, you’ll never get an answer.

Everything has fallen apart, gentlemen. And like Humpty Dumpty, I’m not quite sure I can put it all back together again.

It’s no ordinary ticket stub. It didn’t originate from the movies, the opera, a live sporting game, or any other place that would normally distribute tickets in return for admission into their respective venues/events.

It’s a ticket stub from Youth Alive 2009, but whether that’s relevant to this message is debatable. As I look upon this half-torn ticket stub I think about the events that it reflected – the incredible stench of the mosh pit, the “if you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen” comment I made when some girls left the mosh pit, the energy that was conveyed through light and sound.

It’s almost saddening that the only physical reminder of what was an exceptional event is a torn-in-half ticket stub. There might be a poster here or there, some facebook posts, even a photo or two, but apart from that, the only tangible reminder that that event actually happened is this ticket stub.

Sometimes I wish that I had a Pensieve like Dumbledore in the Harry Potter movies, just so I can store my thoughts and memories for later. I know that one of these days I’ll grow old and that some of these memories will start to fade, and then what? I’ll become old and only somewhat-relevant like one of my Uni lecturers? I don’t want to be one of those people  that start reminiscing out loud whenever I get the chance – of course it’ll mean that I have lots of experience, but experience means nothing if you can’t apply it in any relevant form.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that unlike what certain films would suggest, diamonds aren’t forever, and neither are memories. Tangible things – the things we can touch, see, smell, and taste – are the most pertinent reminders of people we once were, and I’d hate for that to all go to waste.

Carpe diem.

Don’t get me wrong, I love talking – give me intelligent conversation about something I take an interest in, and I can probably talk for a while before I start to lose interest. Usually it’s just the small talk I have an issue with.

Ahh yes, the small talk. That subject which most of us who are socially inept choose to ignore almost completely, while at the same time struggling to comprehend exactly what it is and how it works.

And I suppose that’s the thing – for many of us geeks and nerds alike, small talk just doesn’t. It’s not that we’re inherently bad at it, it’s just that it’s made all the more awkward for us who spend more time online than girls spend in the bathroom.

I suppose when it comes down to it, i don’t really care what the weather is like. I really could not care less about the weather.

I also find I hard to hold a conversation with someone who doesn’t actually add anything of value to the conversation – if I’m not getting anything from you in return, I’m sure as hell not going to volunteer much in the first place. This’ll usually lead to a stagnant conversation.

Don’t event get me started on conversations with the opposite sex. You might think it’s hilarious when we get tongue-tied in front of an incredibly attractive blonde, or the cutest brunette you’ve ever laid eyes on, but I can tell you right now it’s not actually that funny. More embarassing than anything else, but again, I struggle to find a reason for why it happens in the first place – there’s no real reason why it happens, it just does. Realistically the attractive blonde or cute brunette isn’t different to you in any other way; they still have two eyes, one nose, two ears and so on – you can start to see where this is going, yeah?

Sigh.

Do we put up with too much crap?

Do we, for want of a better phrase, just not give a stuff when we’re served up a nice pot of mediocre soup?

Do we continue to drink this mediocre soup until it makes us satisfied? CAN we be satisfied from a double dose of mediocrity?

I’m not talking about just have crap stuff, to be honest – more the fact that we’re satisfied with our crap stuff. There’s none of this “ooh, I want something better because of such and such a reason”, there’s none of this “wow, that’s amazing, but what about this” attitude which encourages excellence.

The real question is why we continue to settle for second best. Is nothing good enough for us anymore? Are we all too aware of our own limitations, and, as a result, continually fail to think outside of the box? Is this why we’re always setttling for something that isn’t beyond our wildest dreams?

The answer is simple; by always settling for second best, for always accepting that which is given to us and never questioning how much more we can achieve, it’s no surpise that we haven’t had any great minds of our (present-day) time. It’s no real surprise that we still can’t solve some of our own petty issues, both foreign and domestic. It’s no surpise that our advancement as the human race has been hampered by our constant ability to scorn those who think outside the box.

This post explains quite well the diadvantages of an elite education.

In other news, I saw Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince the other day. It was pretty good – there wasn’t as much magic as I thought there was going to be, and Voldemort himself didn’t make an appearance at all, but it was good nonetheless – a rating of 83 on Rotten Tomatoes, it must be true!

This friend and I, we go waaaay back. All the way back to Prep, and even possibly before that, I can’t really remember.

Recently he went on a trip to Europe for winning some incredibly lucrative art prize, who’s name I forget at this moment.

Anyway, he brought me back a comic book.

Yeah, laugh it up.

There’s nothing special about a comic book, you say. This isn’t just any comic book – this comic book and I go waaaay back.

Lazy Sunday afternoons at church, my friend and I would pour through these books together. The ones we enjoyed (graphic novels, comic books, whatever you want to call them), we read again, and again, and again. There was one particular one that we thought was particularly awesome – Suske and Wiske.

Truth be told, it’s not the best comic ever made. It’s not the plot, storyline, or characters that make this such an awesome comic – rather, it all those times we shared laughing at the ridiculousness of it’s event’s (there’s one time where some guy shoots an arrow, it somehow does a 180 in mid air behind the target, and knocks out an arrow that has already hit the bullseye from behind), and all those times we read it, engaged in it’s gripping (but somewhat twisted, I’ll admit) storyline.

To be fair, the copy that he bought me back isn’t in english. As far as I can tell it’s in Danish or some other bizzare language – the copy that we read back in the day has now been lost in antiquity, but that was in english. I’ll need a translator to read any of the dialogue, but it’s still awesome being able to look back on those pages and see the graphics that bought us together.

Sure, it’s not the same book. But it’s as good as, and besides – it’s the thought that counts, right?

Thanks mate. You’re a bloody legend – you know who you are