I’ve been lonely lately.

I mean, freelancing has always been lonely. I sit in my condo, hunched over my keyboard, getting more and more used to not going out. I have full-on conversations with my three cats. I tweet, and retweet, and @reply, pretending that virtual conversations are just as good as actual human contact. I feel lonely.

And my husband has been working longer and longer hours, building a business on top of working full-time. I can’t really blame him. He’s the breadwinner. But I feel lonely, and so I pick fights with him, and succumb to depression.

Last week, our couples therapist pointed out that I was relying on my husband to provide me with all of my social interaction. It was like a lightning bolt, this epiphany. Once upon a time, I worked in the city, in an actual office. When I went full-time freelance, I lost that social outlet. I never replaced it. Could coworking be the answer?

The coworking setup is gaining ground, as more and more freelancers seek out the one thing they miss about working in an office (well…there’s that and the regular income). What is coworking? A collaborative space for freelancers. Groups like Jelly are organizing coworking setups around the world, and sites like this one provide additional resources for those who are looking for a coworking setup near them, or even looking to start one of their own.

Anyone here do coworking? How has it affected your workday? And why can’t I find anything in NJ!? ::sigh:: Fingers crossed that I can find an arrangement (other than parking my booty at Panera Bread and pigging out on soup in a bread bowl) that gets me out of the condo on a regular basis.

Related: In Favor of Freelancedom: You Can Do It Anywhere

I just finished my first week sans Nerve and, so far, it’s been good. I’ve thrown myself into new projects, and have found myself breezing through them with even greater efficiency. Which hasn’t left much time for outside reading, but:

• TwiTip’s Turn Twitter Friends Into Real Friends
• WordCount’s That Buzz You Hear Is Writers Working on New Projects
• The Freelance Writing Jobs Network’s Freelance Writing Experience: Does It Matter Where Your Clips Come From
• 8 Components for Choosing a Good (and Spotting a Bad) Career Coach
• Gen Y Gives Thanks: The Sacrifice Our Parents Make
• Wired Epicenter’s Exclusive: How I Unmasked @FakeAPStyleBook
• VegasHappensHere’s My Big Fat IRS Audit: The Details
• The Nest’s The Real Deal on Freelance Marriage

It always begins the same way:

I find my perfect match, give pursuit, and find that my positive attentions are — more often than not — eventually returned. I am giddy…fulfilled…content, and months pass with minimal complaint. I’m more than willing to overlook the small things. I even start to consider: Could this possibly be…The One?

But the honeymoon period inevitably ends. Small annoyances are now BIG DEALS. That, and I’m sort of bored. I crave variety…excitement…a good time with little commitment. I start to feel resentful.

I’m scared, though. My original match still makes me feel safe and secure and, well, I still need that. The reasons I had for loving my match haven’t changed, after all. But my dissatisfaction eventually becomes too big to ignore, and…

…I resign. Maybe my next gig will keep me happy!

I was reading Jenny Block’s Open last night — an account and exploration of an open marriage — when it occurred to me that I approach my job situations in much the same way I approach my relationships. I try to pursue an all-or-nothing traditional arrangement, and then become frustrated when all of my disparate needs are not met within that particular, extreme construct.

For example, before I became a full-time freelancer, I worked full time in academic book publishing. I felt perfectly fulfilled by this job for about a year, but eventually became frustrated by the fact that the job afforded me no creative outlets, and the commute left me far too exhausted to pursue additional writing projects on the side. I became bitter and resentful, and eventually left the corporate world entirely. I missed the social aspect. I missed the regular paycheck. But I felt it was my only option.

Cut to…now. I love so many things about being a full-time freelancer: the flexibility…the variety of work…the pajama pants…But I’m constantly terrified that I’ll be unable to pay the next month’s bills, and I’ve become depressed by the lack of human contact.

Could it be that the stability of an awesome part-time gig, plus the variety that additional projects bring me, would be the perfect setup? Could it be that one, extreme setup could not possibly meet all of my needs? And that’s okay?

What’s your ideal setup, and which needs does it meet for you? Do you have needs that are not being met? Have you brainstormed ways in which to get those needs met outside of a traditional work structure? I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Related: 10 Side Jobs for Freelancers, My 5 Favorite Things In: One Person/Multiple Careers, How To Juggle Multiple Careers

It was a long time coming, but I’m finally comfortable with telling people I’m a writer, rather than someone who just “writes on the side.”

A famous writer, however? Perhaps in the eensiest of eensy weensy circles. Obviously, it was time I read Ariel Gore’s How To Become a Famous Writer Before You’re Dead.

When I first dove into Gore’s book, I expected a lot of the typical how-to material…the stuff I already knew about writing query letters, researching markets, and more. And there was some of that. But I soon learned that the real guts of the book embodied getting published…by any means necessary.

Because the narrator of this book is a DIY-er. A zinester. A guerrilla book tour guru. And she knows how to get shit done. So in between the interviews and the homework assignments — stuffed in between the chapters on how to find an agent, and how to put together a book proposal — was the lesson that it’s not necessarily about who you know…it’s about who knows you.

So how are you gonna get the word out?

I was fascinated by Gore’s fierce loyalty to print publishing, especially when it comes to zines. In fact, there were only five short paragraphs on blogging throughout the entire book. Do you feel that zines still have a place in society, or has everyone simply taken to the blogosphere?

Gore is also a proponent of self-publishing, if that’s what it takes to get the job done. How do you feel about building a portfolio based upon zine clips and self-published books? Do you feel that these types of clips are considered relevant by editors?

And what about money? If you’ve read this book, do you feel that the tactics described within are more suited to beginning writers? Do you feel that more seasoned writers have something to learn in these pages? Or — especially considering the brouhaha surrounding content mills and embarrassingly low rates — do you feel that some of these more unconventional means of getting published could actually be detrimental to writers?

I’d love to know your thoughts. Gore’s enthusiasm was infectious, but it’s interesting to consider how her methods relate to writers’ stances concerning fair payment and the like.

Related: Better Than Money

Hey there guys! Here I am (with Jarvis Cocker), copy editing on Halloween, and wearing my horns despite the fact that the only time I had occasion to leave the condo today was to bring Gizmo to the vet. C’est la vie.

Before I dive back into this textbook project, I wanted to present you with this week’s link love. I hope y’all are having a great Halloween!

• The Urban Muse’s Handling Your #1 Freelance Fear — Going Broke
• WordCount’s Trick or Treat: 10 Things That Scare Freelancers
• The Urban Muse’s Open Thread: What Are Your Freelance Fears?
• WordCount’s The Freelance Multiple Personality Disorder
• Gawker’s Sign of Depressing Times: Media People Pushed Toward Customer Service Jobs
• The Freelance Writing Jobs Network’s How to Make Free Writing Pay
• Mashable’s University Makes Twitter a Required Class for Journalism Students

I learned one important thing from last month’s goal meetup. Namely, that goals are constantly changing. Which is not to excuse my dismal performance, but I just wanted to warn you…

My October goals:

1. Complete at least the first four chapters/modules in my certification program.

My eventual certification is something I’m way excited about, and so I’ve been putting a lot of myself into it. Instead of four chapters, I actually completed eight chapters in the textbook. Plus, I’ve already had two sessions with my mentor coach, and am going to start live teleclasses next month. Yay!

2. Complete my book proposal and send it out to five agents.

This is something I most definitely did not do, but not out of laziness. Rather, I was researching the competition for the purposes of my book proposal and began to wonder: Is this a book that’s actually needed? Is this the book I want to publish? So, yeah. Indefinitely on hold.

3. Spend a week gathering the final bits of information for my wine tour piece, and then send it in early.

I did actually gather up the final bits of information, but then my editor at the mag told me she’s moving the pub date from December to April, and that my deadline is now January 1. So I put off writing the intro to the piece so that I could concentrate on new projects.

4. Become active with pitching/submitting again, and have out 10 pitches/submissions at any given time.

I suck. I don’t think I’ve sent out a single pitch in the past month.

5. Start doing twice-a-month posts for Lemondrop.

This one’s happening, especially since I seem to have become the official sexy-time test driver for the site. My editor now sends publicists directly to me.

6. Find another regular writing/blogging gig that brings in at least $1,000/month.

I’m conflicted with this one. It’s the one that loomed largest in my mind over the past month, especially because I wanted to resign from my other regular blogging gig. I was afraid to do so, however, before finding a replacement. But then I wondered: Am I on the verge of making the same mistake thrice?

I first learned how dangerous it is to put all your eggs in one basket when, about one year ago, the New York Sun folded. They were my main source of income. Then, I relied primarily upon my lead blogging gig at Nerve…until I realized I didn’t want to be there anymore.

Part of me thinks that supplementing my writing with a part-time job is the perfect setup for me. Another part of me wonders if I should just concentrate on bringing in new projects that are not necessarily ongoing.

And so I resigned from Nerve and immediately took on two new one-time projects, and also interviewed and did an edit test for a part-time job that sounds way cool. I haven’t heard back yet and am having all sorts of paranoid delusions. We’ll see how things pan out.

7. Continue my three-times-a-week posting schedule here at Freelancedom.

I’m going to cross this one off, even though I faltered last week. For the most part, I’ve been doing good with this, except when life has intervened.

My November goals?

1. Keep up the pace with my certification program.
2. Do some market research, draw up a budget, and set some freelance rates that truly reflect my self-worth.
3. Send out some darn pitches, for the love of god!
4. Keep up the pace with Lemondrop.
5. Keep up the pace with Freelancedom.
6. Call up my psychopharmacologist and discuss the possibility of going back on my meds (I’ve been a mess lately).

Once again, wish me luck!

Related: October Monthly Goal Meetup

I channel-surfed my way to Tabatha’s Salon Takeover during today’s lunch break. I had never seen it before and, honestly, had never felt compelled to. What did I care about the trials and tribulations of hair salons across the country?

Silly me. I was quickly sucked into a three-hour marathon (I know) and, aside from constantly wondering where she got that fierce black jacket she’s always wearing, I realized: Tabatha Coffey has a lot to teach me about running a business.

I’ll admit it: I’m not much of a businesswoman.  If it weren’t for my abilities to create positive professional networks around myself and write kick-ass cover letters, who knows where I’d be? What did Tabatha teach me?

1. Your Clients Are Your Biggest Assets:

Tabatha scolded salon owners for not mixing with their clients, and stylists for not bending over backwards to give clients what they wanted. It’s easy to question the wisdom of your clients when they request work that — to you — seems ridiculous, or provide you with edits that seem to compromise the artistic integrity of your work. But you’re not just an artist. You’re a service provider, and it’s important to remember that the customer is always right.

In addition to making clients happy with work that meets (and hopefully exceeds) their expectations, it’s nice to reward them for their continued loyalty. Hold sales. Throw contests. Give out coupons. Touch base just to show that you care how business is going, and to find out how you can be the most effective in helping the both of you do even better.

That being said, the customer isn’t always right. If you have a problem client, drop them.

2. If You Build It, They Will Not Necessarily Come:

Tabatha urged both salon owners and stylists to hit the streets in order to both drum up business and build mutually beneficial relationships with other local businesses. She staged grand reopenings and marketing events. She taught her terrified salon students to put themselves out there. Because just being available isn’t enough.

It can be tough to balance product development with marketing outreach, but it’s necessary. Here are some of the marketing posts I’ve done up in the past:

• Passive/Aggressive: Finding Work as  Freelancer
• Ready for Your Elevator Pitch?
• Using Twitter to Achieve World Domination (in Your Field)
• Marketing Basics: Playing to the Right Crowd
• How to Market Yourself: Getting Out More
• How to Market Yourself: Strengthening Your Web Presence

3. Respect for Yourself Translates to Respect from Others:

After spying on the day-to-day operations of a salon à la What Not to Wear, Tabatha always asked the owners to give her the grand tour, during which she wrinkled her nose over inches of dust, uncleaned sinks, and other aspects of appearance. Each salon reopening was preceded by a major renovation that made the space more sleek, chic, and efficient.

While we, as freelancers, may not necessarily have an office space where we meet clients, it is important to maintain professionalism through appearance in other ways: professional website, social media presence, attire when participating in on-site meetings, business cards and other forms of business stationery, etc. If you don’t look the part, it will be difficult for prospective customers to place their trust in you.

4. You Have to Take Responsibility and Be the Damn Boss:

Most of us are running solo operations, but there are those of us who actually have employees. Though I primarily work alone, I recently had a stint as lead blogger for two of Nerve’s blogs — which required me to manage a small team of writers and do some hiring and firing (the latter made me want to barf all over myself) — and once acted as Books Editor for SexHerald.com (more of the same). The only problem? I’ve never been much of a leader.

The thing is, when you’re running your own business, you can’t always avoid conflict. You have to command respect. Give orders. Delegate. Critique. Forget about being everybody’s friend.

This is scary, and it seemed to be just as scary for a number of the salon owners Tabatha was dealing with. But no matter what, you have to take responsibility and Be The Boss in order to ensure that your operation runs smoothly.

5. You Have to Work at It:

Because no one else will.

It might mean long hours. Double shifts. Ramen noodles every day for three months. Atrophied legs from all the hours spent at your computer. Creative thinking. Aggressive marketing. Small failures but bigger successes.

No one else cares if you sink or swim, so it’s up to you to put in the hours.

Thanks Tabatha! I need to go and…um…set my DVR.

I broke my promise. One of my October goals was to post to Freelancedom at least three times a week. But this week turned out a little…crazy.

On the I’m-so-stressed end of things, I found blood in my cat’s urine, and had to take him on an emergency trip to the vet. Him: Not thrilled. Me: Freaking out. Vet: It’s no biggie. Whew!

I also had an e-fight with my husband and then resigned from my main blogging gig. Between being upset about the fight and conflicted/nervous about my decision, I lost all motivation to work. (At least until I got a burst of energy later that night!)

On the I’m-still-having-fun end of things, I started work on a new copywriting assignment, landed a copy editing assignment, had fun completing an edit test in hopes of landing another job, flew through some more career coaching chapters, entered a casserole contest (someone made a casserole with fried chicken on top! Best. casserole. ever.), and went to a naughty costume party in Manhattan. It feels good to be getting out.

But I still obsessively refresh my Twitter feed throughout the day, so here’s the best of what I’ve read this past week:

• PoeWar’s Demand Studios is NOT Evil
• Penelope Trunk’s 4 Lies About Social Media
• The Urban Muse’s Open Thread: Have You Dealt with Rude Readers?
• Words on the Page’s Content Mills: Deb Ng Responds
• WebAppStorm’s 50 Essential Web Apps for Freelancers
• The Urban Muse’s Why I’ve Lost Faith in Creative Staffing Agencies

Career dissatisfaction has been creating a lot of tension in my marriage lately. While my husband has been struggling to build a web business on top of his full-time job — leaving little opportunity for us to spend quality time together — my freelance work has languished, causing my hubby to feel even more pressure to earn.

Meanwhile, I’ve been feeling frustrated by my main gig, and frustrated with myself for, once again, placing all of my eggs in one, money-making basket. I’ve been wanting to resign but, knowing how much pressure Michael is under, I’ve held off.

Forging a career path while married is so different than forging a career path while single. On the one hand, my marriage to Michael has afforded me some great opportunities. His financial and moral support (not to mention his health insurance!) allowed me to leave my full-time job in book publishing over two years ago, so that I could pursue the freelance lifestyle. And his strong work ethic has kept a roof over our heads.

On the other hand, the risks I used to take while single now seem a lot riskier, as they affect not only me, but my husband as well. We have a mortgage at stake. We want to start a family soon. We want to upgrade to a house. How can we ever do these things if I keep spending my time attempting to follow my elusive — and non-lucrative — dreams?

In the past, my risk-taking always managed to move me forward. But have I pushed my luck?

Yesterday, despite this inner turmoil, I finally resigned. I was convinced, by this point, that continuing to search for a regular gig would be a mere repetition of my past mistakes. [See eggs in basket.] At the moment, I’m in the running for an incredibly cool part-time gig. I’m working on a regional magazine piece, a web copywriting project, and a copy editing project. I still blog for AOL’s Lemondrop, and am pitching to other publications I’ve broken into over the past two years. I’m speeding my way through my career certification program, and hope to be able to start my own practice by the late spring/early summer. It feels like the perfect mishmash. But I still worry. Despite the long-term gains I’m so positive I’m working toward, was this decision unforgivably selfish?

Related: He Said/She Said: Our Income [Now and Later], A Gig That’s Worth Your Time, 4 Ways to Create the Illusion of Regular Income

What a week.

On Monday, I braved a bus ride into the city in order to interview for a sweet-sounding part-time gig with a web magazine I’ve always admired. Both the office environment and the job description were even more compelling than I had expected, leading me to wonder: Could this be the perfect part-time gig to get me back on my feet? Or am I allowing myself to be seduced by a job that used to be my dream? And, more importantly, could I manage this job while still keeping up with my career coaching studies?

I also had my first mentor coaching call on Wednesday, which I was way excited for. We used the time to brainstorm additional ways of achieving the sixth item on my list of October goals. I also learned that live teleclasses for my coaching program would become available starting in November. Score!

Other than that, I spent a nail biting few days waiting for a one-month-late paycheck to go through. It made me even more determined to find additional sources of income.

All this is to say, I’ve been feeling a bit too distracted to get much reading done this week, but here’s the best of what I’ve seen:

• 10,000 Words’ 10 Ways to Make Your Editor Love You
• Writers Weekly’s Demand Studios — What Their Average Contributors Are Saying
• Inkygirl’s Twitter Chats for Writers
• We the ‘Bistro’s How To Pitch — 5 Mistakes to Avoid [for PR professionals]
• Erik Sherman’s Writer Mills Making Big Money: Demand Studios
• Latosha Johnson’s How to Work with a Virtual Assistant
• Jennifer Weiner’s For Writers