I kept traveling as the windshield was being plummeted with rain so hard at times I could not even see the front of my car let alone the road.  I could not stop; I had somewhere so important to go that a minute could not be wasted by stopping.  I passed car after car that had pulled to the side of the road to wait it out, maybe less courageous than I, but possibly far wiser. 

The sky was screaming and blowing with the might of a mother bear out to protect its cub, no matter the cost.

 This storm was angry, sad, scared, pushing forward and back not even knowing which direction to go.  Do I turn around?  Do I keep going with the knowledge that it was going to be a dangerous ride? Was my moving forward that important?  Other cars pulled over to stop and I imagine some did not even leave the garage. Did I even know where I was going?  Can I even endure this storm long enough to get through to my destination?

I cried with the sky, I screamed with the wind as I pushed forward with every ounce of my soul for  I remembered, all too well,  the day that I did not continue but instead quit, I gave up, and I can’t ride out this storm any more, no matter the cost.  “I am done!”

How could the sky be so dangerous and furious here but only miles away children were frolicking at the beach, families were absorbing the rays of a different sky and a different climate at the same time?  Am I the only one experiencing this storm? Were there really other people pulled to the side of the road as I willed my way through?  Would it ever pass and would I ever see the sun for myself again?

These are the questions I pondered as the sky opened up even more, it was not yet done!

Finally reaching the most important place that I could go that morning, I came in soaked from the run from my car to the building.  She asked,”Can I get you a towel?”  As I just sat down, tears rolling down my face I said no, “this storm is my life right now, every sweep of the wind blowing into no direction as all, every heavy drop from the angry sky plummeting on to the earth.”  I could only cry and let the storm run through me; there was no stopping it, no running from it but only the opportunity to ride it out. And I did.

I awoke to another day only to find that the previous day was behind me, the sun was shining, the crisp autumn air smelled fresh and clean from the fury of the day before. And upon that awaking I again remembered that I was among all people just experiencing life, the beautiful and the storm. That It comes in waves, in a pattern of ebb and flow, life and death.

While a few hours ago death seemed imminent, today was different.  It was easy, effortless to see life in the sunshine and the rain nurturing the dry ground.  The rains served such an amazing purpose, to allow the earth the refresh itself, to grow again.

 All the while I know that the storm will return again, it too, providing its purpose. For without the storm would we even be able to recognize the light?

Peace be with you,

Derinda

As many of you have noticed I, too, have closed up and been going through the trenches with my high-waisted boots on just hoping to get to the other side.  I am about half way there.  The water is so deep at times that my boots fill up and weigh me down.  At other times, when I allow myself to grasp a life jacket floating by, I’m able to drop the load a bit and carry on.  Thank you all for the life jackets. 

To stay in a state of vulnerability and hold no outcome to the process has definitely been a lesson in self-awareness for me.  To be vulnerable, as Webster says, “is being capable of being wounded, open to attack or damage, liable to increased penalties but entitled to increased bonuses.”

Can we hold a state of vulnerability when we really put ourselves out there? 

We are all born into this world open, trusting and vulnerable.  We trust that our needs and wants will be met.  The more we experience life the more we close ourselves off in many cases.  We have all met the elderly person that has been so wounded by their perception of life that they react only from a place of fear and anger.  Likewise, we all have met the elderly person that has stayed open to life, all that there is to learn and grow from, and we see a person that reacts from a place of love and gratefulness.  

Who do you want to be?  I know that I want to end on the other side of this journey more loving, more open and more giving then I am now.  I want to be defined by the positive changes that being open and vulnerable have created in me.  Want to join me?

Who are you now? 

What can you learn from that place and what more can you give from that place? 

As always, your insights, comments and additions to the subject are welcome with open arms! 

Happy Vulnerability!

Let Red Skelton say it best. 

Happy 4th, Celebrate with love!

It has been one month since we all gathered at Bradford Woods to experience a weekend of Forgetting 2 Remember.  The memories that I personally take away from the weekends, as always, are life changing for me.  To be witness to the power of divine spirit and love work through and in people is something that words can not express.  You just have to experience it to understand. 

These amazing people arrive on a Friday evening knowing that they are heading into a potential life changing process.  The bigger one “shows-up” the bigger the experience and wow did this group show-up big!

This past Saturday morning we all gathered once again to reflect, share and continue to grow in the company of our weekend family.  The depth of sharing and connection left me speechless.  It was amazing to feel that not a moment of passing had come between any of us.  All of us still connected and of great love and support for each other. 

As we were leaving one of the participants thanked me for giving her her life back.  I politely let her know that it had nothing to do with me but it was her who took her own life back. We, Staff and I, were just blessed the provide the journey!  What a beautiful gift!

As much as this process changes the lives the of participants it forever changes mine too!  Thank you all! 

 Much Love and Peace,

Derinda

Thank you for your support with the loss of my furry friend Dakota.  She is incredibly missed!  I thank you, too , for sharing your stories with me and helping me to  know that I am not alone in my feelings I have in the wake of her passing.  Hearing your stories helped me to know that many of us have experienced that unconditional love that an animal can provide.  As Susan said, “they ask for little and give so much.”

I’m here today to wish all of you a blessed weekend and to encourage you to reach out to someone you have not spoken to in a while, or a neighbor, or even the stranger on the street.   Connect with your words, your eyes, your love and let them, too, know that they are not alone in this big crazy world.  I know it sure helped me this week.  We all have stuff going on in our lives that bring us fear and pain. So reach out touch another, for in that touching you reconnect to your own heart too!

Have a enlightening weekend and I will talk to you on Monday!

Much love and peace,

Derinda

“Out of the blue…,” is a phrase that we use in life at times.  Mostly to describe our shock of some unexcepted occurrence or change. 

 Today I want to use the phrase in a different way; “Out of the blue…,” out of the darkness, the depression, the pain.  Can you wrap your arms around the difference of its meaning?  Can you feel the power of it pull? 

Out of the blue the sun is shining today, the tears have subsided for the moment and the joy of living in this crazy world rises above it all again. 

Just, out of the blue….

I’m perplexed at the mourning of my other dog ,Scottie, and Mama Kitty.  What did they mean to each other in their doggie/kitty world?  Were they mere playmates or was there a possibility that their connection  to each other is far more than any human can understand? They all played together, teased and every once in a while someone would irritate Dakota a bit.  She was tired and didn’t feel good but they understood her slight growl.  At the end of the day they all curled up into a big puppy/kitty pile in the middle of my bed.  Holding no grudges, no animosity, or no ill feelings of premeditated, “How can I irritate them back?” Simply just living in the present moment happy to have their buddies alongside them.  Unconditional love!

What  great teachings these precious animal beings can bring to us.  We, as human beings, are to be the wisest of the animal kingdom, but are we?  It has been recorded that when the Tsunami hit land in 2004  the only animals that died were the ones tethered to a person or a house.  The rest had already fled to higher ground!   

Have we become so apart of this “perception of life” that we no longer follow our own instincts and ideas of just simply living in the present, forgiving each day, loving unconditionally and fledging to higher ground when necessary.  The more that I think about it I’m not so sure that Dakota, Scottie and Mama Kitty are not the ones with it all figured out!

Thank God they allow me in my own bed at the end of the day to be apart of their puppy/kitty pile!  Simply and unconditionally just as I am, showered or not!

This is a devastation to all of us but I have to believe for me, the most.  You see, Dakota and I had that perfect understanding of each other.  She had my back and I had hers!  I would let her know what needed to be done and she would, in her doggy way, say; “How can I help?”  Never once questioning me or my intentions. And she would tell me when she hurt and I would make her as comfortable as possible.  She knew that I did everything with intention and for the betterment of this cirle of life.

A real understanding came today as I realized that life stops for no one or no thing.  Life keeps on moving even when we don’t feel that we can.  The world did not come to a stand still because my beloved four-legged soulmate died.  The world didn’t even blink!  We are just pulled on to the next task at hand.  But today I stopped!  I stopped to cry for myself, my children , my dog and for all of us that will never be greeted by her wet nose again.  I stopped.

Maybe tomorrow I will stayed stopped, or maybe I will follow Anna’s advise and take a shower because that is what Dakota would have wanted. 

The circle of life; Good and bad, life and death, laughter and tears, suffering and joy…..not for the faint of heart.

Peace be with us all,

Derinda

In order to be free, we must learn to let go. 

 Release the hurt. 

Release the fear. 

Refuse to entertain your old pain.  The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life. 

What is it you would let go of today?

I came to the realization at a point in my own live several years ago that I was dying each day to the idea of how someone else thought I should live my life.  Wow! 

Are you doing that? 

Do you put other people’s ideas of you above your own? 

Whose life are you living? 

Keep the flashlight on, keep looking for your own voice and listen to the wisdom of your soul.  

This is your day to live!