When is a dip not just a dip?  When it’s something transcendental.  When it’s born to be a superstar. When it’s…  Spanakopita Dip.  (And that is NOT anticlimactic.  It isn’t.  Let me expound.)

Spanakopita Dip is the dip that can do it all. A meal-of-a-dip full of spinach, studded with feta cheese, garlic, onions and various herbs and spices it is wonderful at topping chips, crackers and veggie sticks.  But it doesn’t stop there.  With very little effort, a bit of phyllo dough, and some olive oil, it can be transformed into a beautiful and flavor-packed amuse bouche or finger food.  (With just a little more tinkering, it can be made into actual, honest-to-goodness spanakopita.  But more on this in a future post.) No magic required!

This falls into that coveted family of recipes that take little to no know-how or work yet still impress the most finicky, jaded food snobs.  Spanakopita Dip starts with the same simple, five minute batch of the Dill-icious Greek Yogurt Dip that I featured on Friday. Here’s the skinny*  on three of Spanakopita Dip’s many talents.

*And yes, it is indeed skinny.  For details, see Friday’s post.

1. Dip it.  Dunk it.  Eat it on a spoon.  But for the love of Pete, wherever he may be, don’t use some weak little chip.  Use a ridged or kettle-cooked chip or a sturdy carrot stick or a broccoli florette.  This is a serious dip.  It will crush the milquetoast chip dust in the yellow bags.
2. Scoop it into crisp, brown phyllo cups.  Sure, you can buy these in the store, but for the same price you can make twice as many and they’ll be four times as good!
3. It improves your health, so eat as much as you want.  That creamy, decadent mouth feel from the dip is pure Greek yogurt, baby!  And eating yogurt improves your ability to digest all the food you eat.  Not only that, it’s crammed full of spinach.  That equals iron, calcium, anti-oxidants, folate, niacin, and Vitamins A, C and B6, among other goodies, so dig in!

I’m giving you a two-fer here today.  First is the Spanakopita Dip recipe.  Left by itself it can make you very, very happy.  My dear friend Melissa would be a happy girl left alone with a bowl of this and a spoon.  But below the recipe for the dip is what you can do to dress it up into a stunning and savoury amuse bouche or finger food for Thanksgiving and Christmas buffets and parties.  ‘Tis the season, after all.  (Nobody needs to know just how very good this is for you unless you want to tell them.  Your secret is safe with me!)

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Spanakopita Dip

Ingredients:

• 1 (17.6 ounce) container Greek yogurt
• 1 pound frozen chopped spinach (thawed and lightly squeezed to remove excess moisture.)
• 1/3 cup feta cheese crumbles (You can increase or decrease this according to taste.)
• 2 Tablespoons minced fresh parsley leaves (or 2 teaspoons dried parsley flakes)
• 2 Tablespoons dry minced onion flakes
• 2 teaspoons garlic salt
• 1 teaspoon minced fresh garlic
• 1 teaspoon dried dill weed
• ½ teaspoon paprika
• ¼ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
• 1/8 teaspoon fresh ground nutmeg

As in the Dill-icious Greek Yogurt Dip, begin by combining yogurt with spinach and all other ingredients in a large bowl.

Now see this?  This is fresh nutmeg.  It’s my friend.  My close, close friend.  If you do not have fresh nutmeg don’t substitute the ground stuff in jars here.  It just wouldn’t be right.  If you don’t have the fresh nutmeg, just skip the nutmeg all together in this case.  Trust me.

Stir well until evenly combined.

Store, tightly covered, in the refrigerator for at least 1 hour prior to serving.  Serve with sturdy chips, crackers, vegetable sticks or spread on bread.

This, alone, is a wonderful reason to look forward to your weekday lunches or football viewing snacks.  But we’re coming upon the most wonderful time of the year, folks.  In just a couple weeks you’re going to need more bang.  You’re going to need more bling.  You’re going to need to make Mini Spanakopita Phyllo Cups.

Mini Spanakopita Phyllo Cups

Don’t fear the phyllo.  It’s not as scary as you might think.  Just proceed carefully, don’t freak out if it tears a bit (you’re laying it after all) and have a little patience.  Your rewards will be great!
Ingredients:

• One batch Spanakopita Dip
• 5 sheets thawed phyllo dough
• 2 Tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil

Preheat oven to 375F.  Unwrap phyllo dough, taking care not to tear the dough.

Lay one sheet of phyllo dough out on a cutting board.  Brush lightly with olive oil.

Carefully lay another sheet of phyllo dough over the first and repeat with olive oil and remaining phyllo dough.

Using a 2 ¾” round biscuit or cookie cutter, cut through the layered phyllo dough.

Gently press the layered phyllo dough rounds, olive oil side down, in mini-muffin tin cups.

Place on the center rack in the oven.  Remove the pan after it has baked for five minutes.  Press the center down, carefully, if it is beginning to puff up.

Place pan back in the oven and bake for five more minutes or until golden brown.  Remove from oven.  Remember that the cups will continue to brown a bit as they cool.  Transfer cups to a rack and cool completely.

Spoon about two teaspoons of the Spanakopita Dip into each cup and serve.  The phyllo cups will remain crisp at room temperature for about three hours at room temperature.  Now sit back and watch them disappear. You can do this because you ate fifteen in the kitchen before you took them out to the table.

I hope you remembered to check your teeth for spinach…

Dip.

Yes, dip.

Okay.  Admittedly that doesn’t sound really exciting.  But don’t go!  I promise this is worth it.  Consider this.  Isn’t dip at every party whether fancy or casual?  And it’s usually an afterthought.  Grab the little green tub from the dairy section of the grocery store.  You know, the stuff right by the sour cream. If you follow my line of logic (For me this passes for logic.) that makes dip -the most neglected item in the holiday food arsenal- the perfect place to start.

A couple basic pantry items and a tub of Greek yogurt (glorious Greek yogurt) are all it takes to make over the humble dip into ‘that dish’:  the recipe everyone asks for the day of, the week after and months beyond the party.

Keep it simple like today’s recipe.

Or add a few extra special ingredients to transform it yet again (Like the recipe I’ll be posting on Sunday for Spanakopita Dip, but I’m getting ahead of myself.)  Either way, you end up with a unique dip that is superior to anything you can buy from a store.

If you haven’t yet experienced Greek yogurt in all its glory, this is a great time to start.  Greek yogurt has been strained, meaning extra whey has been removed from it, making it extra thick, smooth and creamy.  This thickness is what makes it the perfect stand-in for the usual suspects in dip recipes; sour cream and mayonnaise.  Why swap out the traditional ingredients?  There are two very good and very different reasons.

1. Mayonnaise* is a common offender in food poisoning cases.  When mayonnaise is present and is held at room temperature for long periods of time, it is a perfect breeding ground for food borne pathogens such as e. coli, salmonella and other nasties.  That means dip made with Greek yogurt can sit out at room temperature safely much longer than dips made with mayonnaise.
2. Unlike mayonnaise and sour cream, Greek yogurt is good for you!  Higher in protein and lower in both calories and saturated fat than mayonnaise and sour cream**, Greek yogurt has the added benefit of being a live and active cultured product.  In other words, it’s good for your digestive tract.  When you replace mayo and sour cream with yogurt you get all the good things that yogurt can do for you.  You keep the creamy, silky, substantial feel of mayonnaise and sour cream with none of the bad stuff (saturated fat, calories, etc…) that come with them.

*There are differences in the level of risk between commercial and homemade mayonnaise.  Commercial mayonnaise often is acidic and salty enough to hold down bacterial growth.  Homemade mayonnaise can vary greatly in the acid and salt levels and is usually made with raw egg. Food borne illnesses occuring after eating items made with commercial mayonnaise are most likely to be caused by the ingredients mixed into the mayonnaise rather than the mayonnaise itself.  Don’t misunderstand me, I’ll carry on eating homemade mayonnaise because I have a healthy immune system and it tastes so danged good.  Just be aware that this is reality.  For more information on food borne illnesses related to mayonnaise, you can click here.

**Yes.  There are some sour creams that contain probiotic cultures, but it’s not a given.  You have to read your labels!

Being so healthy and so easy to pull together makes this dip a cinch for last minute party preparations and for snack attacks. So go on; indulge!  Dunk your chips and vegetable sticks with wild abandon!  It’s good for you!

For a photo-free, printer-friendly version of this recipe, click here!

Dill-icious Greek Yogurt Dip

Looking for a quick and inexpensive hostess or host gift for a party?  Put the dry ingredients for this dip into a little resealable plastic bag.  Neatly print the instructions for the dip on a note card and attach the card and a little wooden spoon to the bag with ribbon or raffia.  This is great by itself or with a tub of Greek yogurt to accompany it!

Ingredients:

• 1 (17.6 ounce) container Greek yogurt
• 2 Tablespoons minced fresh parsley leaves (or 2 teaspoons dried parsley flakes)
• 1 Tablespoon dry minced onion flakes
• 1 teaspoon garlic salt
• 1 teaspoon dried dill weed
• ½ teaspoon paprika

Open your container of Greek yogurt.  If yours is like the kind I buy, you’ll find a little piece of parchment laying on top of the yogurt.  You’re going to want to get rid of that. I forgot it once before making smoothies with Greek yogurt.  Blended parchment doesn’t taste so good.

Buh-bye, parchment.

Now add the yogurt, along with the remaining ingredients to a bowl and mix until smooth.

Refrigerate for an hour prior to serving.  Serve with vegetable sticks, chips, crackers or bread.

Store leftovers in a tightly covered container in the refrigerator.

I realize there is, all of a sudden, a lot of food photographed in my hands by the window.  We’re talking about Late Fall and Winter in the Southern Tier of New York.  I believe we have about 427 minutes of sunlight these days and that’ll get shorter before it gets longer.  I’m sorry, but a gal’s gotta do what a gal’s gotta do.

On Sunday, we’ll dress up this basic dip and turn it into spectacular Spanakopita Dip.  More dip?  Oh yes. But this one’s different; Spanakopita Dip is not just for dipping…

We are currently in Week Three of a full-immersion ‘get-to-know-influenza’ unit study of our homeschool.  One, two, three, four, five, six, and seven. We like to space things out around here -move at a leisurely pace- and we subscribe to rugged individualism, so we’ve each started our full-body look at the flu at a distinctly different time.  This is also great for our math studies.  Check out the following word problem we composed:

If each person in a family of seven begins a sickness of two-weeks’ duration at a rate of one every fourth day, how long will that family be stuck at home? (And I’m not answering it for you.  If I did, what kind of self-respecting homeschool mom would I be?)

So the stomachs (there’s part of this unit’s anatomy study) around here have been craving mild, easy-to-prepare* food. Our normal super-spicy fare swimming in hot sauce has been off the table, quite literally, for the past couple weeks.  We’ve been turning to simple comfort food; steamed rice, mild fruit, soups, and stews (Liam, since a babe in arms, has held the immovable conviction that beef stew cures everything.  So stew is de rigeur when anyone in our household is ill, even if they refuse to eat it.)  And new to the sickbay rotation is Vietnamese Yogurt.

*Well, my stomach has anyway.  The rest of the stomachs don’t care how difficult something is to prepare so long as it’s mild.  Since I’m the one wielding the tongs, spatulas and whisks, I get to add the easy-to-prepare dictum.

I first read about Vietnamese Yogurt in a post by Todd  of White on Rice Couple (two of the blogosphere’s sweetest sweeties ever to be sweet) a couple months ago.  Intrigued by the promise of a silky, sweeter-than-its-Western-counterpart yogurt, I decided to give it a go.  Since the recipe calls for pantry staples, it was simple to whip it up on a whim.  Todd promised in no uncertain terms that it was easy, and boy howdy it was.  I raided the cupboard and grabbed a bunch of small glasses (read: jelly jars.  What?  You use real glasses?).  The kids hovered, as they are wont to do, over me as I mixed up the yogurt, peppering me with questions; “Hey!  What’s that for?”, “Can I just dip my finger in that sweetened condensed milk?”, “Can I just drink that sweetened condensed milk?”, “Can I at least lick the empty can of sweetened condensed milk?”, “What are you making, Mom?”, “Do I have to eat that stuff?”, “You do know I don’t like yogurt, right?”, etc…  So this was the environment in which I made my first batch of Vietnamese Yogurt.  If I could do it in the midst of this household’s chaos, anyone could.  Next came the hard part.  The waiting.

I’ve gone my whole life thinking yogurt is one. thing. only.  And don’t get me wrong, I like yogurt.  In fact, I make what I think of as ‘regular’ yogurt a couple times a month. And it’s a bit of a production. But what a revelation this particular yogurt was.  It was not tangy and sour enough to make my tongue curl back up in my mouth like parchment the way many Western yogurts did; It was mild and gently tart and sweet and totally set my mental picture of yogurt on its ear.  If you’ve never had Vietnamese Yogurt before let me clue you in on one of it’s more interesting differences.  While it’s totally spoon-able (that is, you can eat it top to bottom with a spoon) it’s also imminently slurp-able (in other words, you could pop a straw in there and drink it down.)  It’s almost like a short-cut to a yogurt smoothie.  Not to be ignored is the fact that every single one of my kids love it.  Even the three inveterate yogurt haters can’t get enough of it.  The fact that I found a simple-to-make, inexpensive yogurt that all of my kids like in time to be really grateful for the fringe benefits* yogurt offers is nothing short of a miracle.

*Healthy bacteria for the gut, improved digestion, etc…

For a photo-free, printer friendly version of this recipe, click here!

Vietnamese Yogurt

This recipe is my take on the original  White On Rice Couple recipe.  The ingredients and ratios are all theirs but I played a bit with the method. Because I’m incorrigible.  I should also mention that this recipe doubles and triples beautifully!

Ingredients:

• 1 can (14 ounces) sweetened condensed milk
• 1 1/2 cups water (It should be hot enough that a great deal of steam is coming from the surface of the water, but it should not be boiling.)
• 1 1/4 cups cold milk (Using cold milk helps bring down the temperature of the mixture to just the right point to encourage the yogurt to set nicely.)
  
• 1 cup plain yogurt (This can be any plain or vanilla yogurt you can get at the grocery store.  Plain is preferable, but vanilla stands in nicely.  Just as good a quality yogurt as you can find.)

Optional for serving:

• Assorted toppings: jam, fresh fruit, syrups, granola…  Whatever floats your boat!
  

Prepare a water bath for the yogurt by adding about two inches of water to a wide, deep pot (for example, a canning pot, pasta pot, soup pot, etc…) Place the pan over high heat and bring the water to a temperature where a great deal of steam is pouring from the surface of the water but it is not boiling.  Place a tight fitting lid on the pan and turn off the heat.  Put a separate kettle of water on over medium heat on another burner.  While that heats, prepare the yogurt as follows.

In a large mixing bowl, whisk together the sweetened condensed milk and water until thoroughly combined.  And don’t take any guff from that can of sweetened condensed milk.  Use brute force to open it if necessary.

Whisk in the cold milk.  Set aside.

Measure the cup of yogurt into a medium sized mixing bowl.  Gently whisk in a ladle full of the warm milk/water/condensed milk mixture until smooth.  Repeat with two more ladles of milk.  When it is completely smooth, pour into the remaining hot milk and whisk gently until smooth.  Position a fine-mesh strainer or a colander lined with cheesecloth over another bowl and pour the liquid through the strainer.  Use a spatula or wooden spoon to press any lumps through the strainer.  This guarantees a silky finished yogurt.  If you don’t mind a few lumps you can skip this step.

Pour the prepared yogurt into clean and empty jelly or baby food jars or into small drinking glasses.  If using 8 ounce jars, this will fill about five or six jars.  It is helpful to use jars or cups of a uniform height since you will be putting them in a water bath. Do not put lids on the jars. Why the paper towel covers you might ask?  We’re not just fighting the flu around here, we’re also fighting cluster flies.  If you have them, you are probably cringing right now.  If you don’t have them, let’s just say you don’t want them in/near/on your yogurt.

Remove the lid from the pan of hot water, steam should still be coming from the surface of the water, but not quite as vigorously.  If there is no steam, reheat the water slightly.  Transfer the pan of hot water to a heat-proof surface.  Arrange the jars in the hot water. Yes, that is most of a double-batch down there.  Remember I’m feeding a family of seven.  Little batches are a pointless tease.  And this proves that I know, from experience, that the recipe doubles and even triples beautifully.

Use the kettle to add enough water, if necessary, to come about 4/5 of the way up the sides of the jars.  Todd recommends using a funnel to add the extra water to direct it away from splashing into the yogurt cups.  I agree wholeheartedly! Lay a bath towel over the pot in such a way that it covers the top of the pot but does not fall down into the yogurt or water.  Now the hard part is done.  All that remains is to let the water return to room temperature.  In my house this takes about four or five hours.  You may have to adjust this time slightly depending on how warm your climate (or thermostat) is at the time you make it.

When the water is room temperature, the yogurt should be set (in other words, it may wiggle like a firm jelly when gently shaken, but it won’t be a liquid.)  Transfer the jars from the pot to a tea towel.

If using jars, you can screw or clamp on lids.  If using cups, cover lightly with plastic wrap.  Either way, refrigerate for two hours or more before eating.  Around these parts, we like them with a dollop of homemade blueberry jam.

…Or strawberry jam.

Don’t forget to try it with a fistful of fresh fruit sometime; peach slices, crushed or cubed pineapple, pomegranate arils, and mango cubes are all wonderful compliments to the velvety texture of the yogurt. (Don’t tell anyone I said this, but it’s also really good with a healthy spoonful of dulce de leche [yes, I am aware of the irony inherent in that statement] on top for dessert.)

Now, I promised a giveaway and I have a real humdinger of one to share with you.  But first, a quick story.  A few months ago, one of my Record-Eagle readers, Amy Martin,  contacted me to share her recipe for chocolate syrup (which is delicious, by the bye) and some fellow-harried-mom stories.  We exchanged a few emails back and forth and in one of them she mentioned that she made and sold hard-to-find vanilla products.  She has graciously offered to sponsor a giveaway of a gift pack of the more popular items she sells on her Etsy site. (and if you can browse her Etsy site without becoming famished then you’re a stronger beast than I am.)  Can you even imagine a better time of year to get a box full of vanilla goodies?  Look at what  that temptress Amy is giving to one lucky Foodie With Family reader:

These images all come from Amy’s Etsy shop, SoVanilla.

• 2 ounces of Ground Bourbon Vanilla.  Imagine this baked into some pots de creme or a pound cake.  Pure heaven.

• 15 (count ‘em FIFTEEN!) Bourbon plus 5 (like fifteen wasn’t generous enough) Tahitian Vanilla Beans.  Make your own vanilla extract or vanilla sugar.  The possibilities are almost limitless.

• A bottle of Vanilla Bean Syrup.  Drizzle that over some oatmeal with a handful of dried cherries (or just straight into your mouth) and tell me the world doesn’t like a better place.

And finally…

• A package of BourbonVanilla Bean and Pecan Granola.  Oh yes.  Now you see the tie-in to my recipe?  If you sprinkle a fistful of this crisp and full-bodied vanilla granola over the top of a serving of silky smooth Vietnamese Yogurt you will think you’ve died and gone to heaven.  The kicker is that it’s great for you!  Healthy and decadent tasting?  That’s a recipe for success.

So, what do you need to do to win this generous package?  In Amy’s words:

So Vanilla Giveaway Rules!

The Details:

Simply find the answers to the three questions below by going to the following links:  Sovanilla.etsy.com and amyecotarian.wordpress.com.  One name will be drawn from all correct answers for the grand prize:  A package including 2 ounces of ground bourbon vanilla, 15 Bourbon and 5 Tahitian vanilla beans, a bottle of vanilla syrup and a package of Vanilla Bean and Pecan Granola.

3 other people who have correctly answered the questions will be randomly drawn to receive 3 Bourbon Vanilla Beans. (Rebecca here.  I just had to emphasize this.  Three other folks are going to receive a prize, too.  I’m only terribly jealous that I can’t enter my own giveaway.)

The Questions:

From my blog:  amyecotarian.wordpress.com

From the post “Pickled Pink! And Other Things of the Summer”

What wildlife did Amy have to rescue and relocate this summer?

From my Esty Shop:  sovanilla.etsy.com

What’s the “fishy” name for the vanilla seeds inside a vanilla pod?

And the last one:

What is one interesting thing you learned from either the blog, Confessions of an Everyday Ecotarian or the So Vanilla shop that you didn’t know before?

Now for my details.  This contest is open until Friday of this week, November 6th, 2009.  You have until 12 noon, EST on Friday to enter.  The grand prize winner and the three other vanilla bean package winners will be announced by  8 PM, EST on Friday.  Good luck folks.  This is some great stuff!

Just look at the potatoes in that picture.  Those spuds are the embodiment of everything a potato should be; mahogany and crisp on the outside, fluffy on the inside, blanketed with nutty brown butter and crusted with toasted cheese.  Those potatoes are good enough that they would’ve made Dr. Atkins repent of his low-carb ways.*

*Sure, he had people’s best interests at heart.  And I could probably physically survive under such an ascetic diet but emotionally I would die a thousand deaths.  Potatoes and me, we’re BFFs.

Roasted Crispy Cheese Potatoes make my kids quiet.  Well, at least until the bottom of the dish shows and then it’s a free for all with every man, boy and Mom for him or herself.  If you whip up a pan of these to accompany a roast or grilled meat when cooking for the meat-and-potatoes set you will achieve a level of esteem just shy of sainthood.  This is pure potato heaven and guaranteed to make men love you and women want to be you.  (Or vice versa.) Hey, they’re even satisfying enough to forget the meat.  (Don’t tell anyone I said that.)

Did I mention how simple these are to make?  They take five ingredients.  That’s it.

Enough talk.  Let’s make these potatoes.

For a photo-free, printer friendly version of this recipe, click here!

Roasted Crispy Cheese Potatoes

Inspired by a similar recipe from my Grandma Shaffer.

Ingredients:

• 12 medium size Yukon Gold potatoes, peeled
• 1 stick (1/4 of a pound) of unsalted butter
• 1 cup (more or less to taste) finely grated Parmesan, Romano or Asiago cheese
• salt and pepper to taste

Lay an unwrapped stick of butter on a rimmed half-sheet pan on a shelf near the center over your oven. Yes.  A whole stick of butter.  I never said this one was diet friendly.  But it’s so good.  And my pan is sorry looking, but I’m just keeping it real.  Pans get a work-out around here.  This is the prettiest one I have.

Turn oven on and begin preheating to 425°F.

Now on to the potatoes…

Cut potatoes in half lengthwise.

Lay potato halves, cut side down, on cutting board and cut each half into 4 to 6 roughly equally-sized pieces.

Repeat with the remaining potatoes.

Check the pan in the oven.  Butter should be melted but not burned.  If there are areas that are starting to brown lightly you’re fine!  Remove pan from oven when butter is almost fully melted the butter will finish melted on the pan.

Grate  cheese evenly over melted butter.  I like to make sure there’s a good layer on the bottom of the pan.  No skimping here!

Sprinkle with salt and pepper to taste.

Arrange potato pieces over the cheese and butter.

Return pan to the oven and bake at 425°F for 30-45 minutes, depending on how crisp and brown you like them.  I like potatoes brown.  I think potatoes are meant to be brown.

Remove pan from oven when the potatoes reach desired color and transfer to a serving dish.  Sit back and accept the praise that is justly yours for creating something to unbelievably scrumptious.

But we were talking about this pie.  This pie was for her six year old grandson.  She had missed celebrating his birthday with him by four days.  To her, this might as well have been a month.  She arrived at the house with kisses for the grand kids, a birthday present and  a grocery bag holding confectioner’s sugar, instant pudding mix, peanut butter, a graham cracker crust and a massive container of whipped topping.  She kept one eye on the bowl while laughing and talking with her daughter and  pulling together a pie she had made many times while her own kids were younger.

First the pudding mix and milk in the bowl.  While whisking she talked about how her own mother was feeling these days.  She was recuperating better than they had all hoped she could following the surgery.  Into the pie shell with the pudding.

She popped the pie in the fridge and grabbed a mixing bowl from under her daughter’s counter.  Throwing a cup or so of confectioner’s sugar into the bowl she grabbed a fork.  As she told her daughter about the goings-on at her job, she used the fork first to scoop a big mound of peanut butter into the sugar, then to work it into little white-dusted peanut butter pebbles.

There was a break to enjoy a bowl of chowder overflowing with fish, potatoes, corn, onions and cream and play pirates with the grand kids.

She finished assembling the pie with her grandson at her elbow.  First the whipped topping went on the set pudding.  Then the peanut butter pebbles were scattered over the top.  The cheeky little man told his grandma he didn’t like pie.  She told him that her feelings wouldn’t be hurt if he didn’t like it but that he should give it a try anyway.

She  played “Happy Birthday” on the out-of-tune piano and sang to the birthday boy before slicing up the pie.  Kids who wanted nothing to do with the chowder suddenly discovered their appetites and lined up with plates and spoons.  They all plunked down on the couch with their Grandma.  Her grandson sat as close as he could without actually sitting on her lap and eyeballed his pie suspiciously.  He asked her what the pudding tasted like.  He asked her what the crust tasted like.  He asked what the peanut butter pebbles tasted like.  He asked what the whipped topping tasted like.  Then he finally took a bite and the suspicion melted off his face.  He liked it.  He loved it.  He kept thanking her for the pie.  He told her she was a great cook.  He hugged her.  A lot.

She tidied up the kitchen and hugged her crew at least five times each before she left.  She left them with smiles and the conviction that somehow each individual one of them was the most important thing in the world to her.

Score another one for the utilitarian, church pot-luck cooks.  We should all have this talent.

For a photo-free, printer friendly version of this recipe, click here!

Mom’s Peanut Butter Pebble Pie

Ingredients:

• 1 (3.9 ounce) package, any flavor, instant pudding mix
• 1 -3/4 cups milk
• 1 graham cracker crust
• 1 container whipped topping or whipped cream
• 1/2 cup natural peanut butter, smooth or crunchy
• 1 -1/4 cups confectioner’s (powdered) sugar

In a medium sized mixing bowl, whisk together milk and pudding mix for about one minute, or until the mix is mostly dissolved.

Pour into the graham cracker crust immediately.

Lightly cover with plastic wrap and stash in the fridge for about a half an hour.

In another bowl, place the peanut butter on top of the confectioner’s sugar and work the peanut butter apart with a fork until it resembles gravel or pebbles.

Set aside but keep a sharp lookout for little hands sneaking into the bowl to steal these addictive little peanut butter pebbles.

When ready to serve, slice pie into wedges.  Place a wedge of pie on a plate and top with a generous amount of whipped topping or whipped cream and a hearty amount of the peanut butter pebbles.  Serve with love.  Like my mom.

I’m exceptionally fond of combining my obsessions.

Sometimes it’s not so great.  Take Homer Simpson’s fabled “Nuts and Gum”,  par example…

Sometimes, however, it works great.

When you put together dark chocolate ganache and pie crust you get Dark Chocolate Truffle Tarts.  A happy accident if ever there was one…

This is reason enough to keep tart shells in the freezer, no?

I might’ve mentioned that I’m obsessed with Autumn.  (Here, here or here…)  At one point or another, I might have also mentioned that I’m obsessed with baked custard.  (See here for evidence.)

These marvelous obsessions combine to result in the Pumpkin* Pots de Crème (baked pumpkin custards) that I made a couple days ago.  The Evil Genius likes them just like this.  Simple and lovely.

*Can you think of anything that screams ‘Fall’ more than pumpkin?

I did some naughty, wicked things to it.  I turned one (or several) into the fiercest, most autumnal crème brûlée ever made.

Since I was already on the road to a much wider backside, I took another one (or five) and topped it with whipped cream flavored with brandy and vanilla.  I sneaked some chopped, toasted walnuts in there and shaved a little fresh nutmeg over the top. Yes, I did.  So help me.

I love all you readers so much that I took the bullet for you and ate at least three of each kind:  You know, to make sure they were good enough to post here.  And then I made a mad dash for the treadmill where I promptly sat down and took a long Fall nap.  (The treadmill is nice and long.  Plus, you can incline your head so it’s a great place for a seriously comfortable snooze.)

After the aforementioned research, I can attest to three things:  One- these things are lip-smacking, toe-tapping good.  They’re good enough to make whoever eats them love you forever.  Two- They’re light and fluffy to the point where they’re almost like a pumpkin mousse.  Not to get all Iron Chef-y on you, but it’s like a pumpkin cloud singing in your mouth. Three- It’s entirely too easy to eat an entire batch of these by yourself but it’s a blissful way to go.

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Pumpkin Pots de Crème (Baked Pumpkin Custards)

Yield: 6 (5 ounce) custard cups

Ingredients:

• 1 cup heavy cream
• 1/2 cup skim milk (Because skim milk cancels out the heavy cream, right?  I’m pretty sure that’s scientific.)
• 4 egg yolks
• 1/4 cup sugar or vanilla sugar
• 3/4 cup pumpkin puree (either homemade or canned)
• 1 Tablespoon pure vanilla extract
• 1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1/8 teaspoon fresh grated nutmeg

• Optional toppings: Sugar for brûléeing or additional heavy whipping cream, brandy, vanilla, nutmeg and toasted, chopped nuts.

Preheat oven to 325F and put a kettle of water on the stove over high heat to boil.

Bring cream and milk just to a boil in a heavy- bottomed pan. Shut heat off immediately and set aside off of the burner.

Blend egg yolks and sugar on high speed in the bowl of a stand mixer or with a hand blender or whisk until the yolks are a light lemony color and thickened.  Add vanilla extract and pumpkin puree to the egg mixture and blend until smooth. Slowly add hot cream while the mixer is running (or while whisking constantly.) Continue blending in cream until it is all incorporated. Now here’s a little exercise in free-will.  You can choose to skim the foam off the top or you can choose to leave it.  Removing the foam gives you a smoother texture on top of your custard.  I kind of like the little foamy bubbles, personally, so I usually leave it where it is.  More custard is always a good thing, right?

Divide evenly between custard cups or ramekins. Place ramekins in a roasting pan.

I usually leave a couple of the ramekins out until I’ve poured the boiling water so that I don’t have to worry about accidentally diluting that glorious custard with water.  If you try it my way, just be sure to remember to leave the water level slightly lower since it will rise when you add the two or so extra cups.  Carefully pour boiling water into the pan so that it comes about 2/3 of the way up the sides of the ramekins. Lay a sheet of foil over the top (do not crimp the foil- it should be loose!) and place pan in the oven. Be careful when transferring to the oven.  We’re talking about a lot of hot, sloshy liquid here.  Feel free to put the pan IN the oven before adding the boiling water, but you’ll have to move more quickly if you do that to prevent the oven from losing too much heat!

Bake for 40 minutes or until the custard is mostly set but not hard. Remove from oven, carefully transfer ramekins over to a cooling rack using tongs or your hand in a silicone oven mitt and allow to cool until you can easily handle them.

Lay plastic wrap directly on the surface of the custards to prevent them from forming a skin and refrigerate until completely cool (at least 2-3 hours.)

To brûlée:

Set up a heat-proof surface on which you can place the custard-filled ramekins while you attack them with a torch.  A good, safe way to do this is to place a stainless-steel cooling rack over an empty broiler pan on top of the stove or other heat-proof area.

Remove plastic wrap from one ramekin and sprinkle about 1 Tablespoon of sugar in an even coat over the surface of the custard.

Tilt the ramekin around so that the sugar completely covers the custard.

Use a butane torch or broiler to melt and caramelize the sugar. Please take note that I don’t have a fancy-pants culinary torch.  I have a big old camping torch that does the job beautifully.  And it only cost me $20 at my local Walmart.  That’s just how I roll, people.

It is easiest to control the degree of caramelization with a hand-held torch. Allow to sit for 2 minutes to let the sugar crust harden before serving.

And then you’re going to want to do this.

And this.

And, oh help me! This.

Sigh.

Mmmmm…

Okay.  Bliss.  Pure bliss.  But there’s more…

For brandy and vanilla whipped cream:

Add 1/2 cup of heavy cream to a metal bowl and whisk until soft peaks form. Add 1 Tablespoon of sugar, 1/2 teaspoon of pure vanilla extract and 1-1/2 teaspoons brandy. Continue to whisk until firm peaks form. Spoon on top of the custards.  Dust with a little fresh grated nutmeg (and chopped nuts, if desired.)

See that pretty little doll0p of brandy and vanilla whipped cream and the delicate sprinkle of nutmeg?  That’s how you serve it for company.  This is how you serve it for yourself.  Or me, if I happen to be visiting.

Hey.  Did I ever tell you the story about how my mom used to serve mixing bowls of ice cream to people when they asked for “just a little bit in a bowl”?  It was hilarious because they were trying to be demure and my mom gave them a whole bunch.  Everybody protested, but they secretly loved her for her generous hand with the ice cream.

“Oh gee, you shouldn’t have added that extra dollop.  Really, I was just telling a story about my mom.  I couldn’t possibly eat that…”

(Phew.  I’m glad she picked up on that.  I was beginning to think I might have to distract her and grab the bowl of whipped cream myself.)  Carry on…

*I cry over food that makes me happy.  Do you think that’s a problem?

When I stumble back to the house chilled and tired after preparing the garden for the winter, raking leaves,  hiking with the kids, or pumpkin and apple picking there are few things that make me feel more like God’s in his heaven and all’s right with the world than the mouth-watering smell of my favorite Fall pot roast braised in apple cider and ale.  Good food should warm you three times; when you prepare it, when you smell it and when you eat it.

Let’s just talk about the smell for a moment, shall we?  The theme is heady scents of sweet apple cider, malty beer, beef and onions tied together with grace notes of ginger, British-style hot mustard, garlic and Worcestershire sauce and the smallest touch of curry powder.  The combination is drool-inducing and perhaps hypnotic.*

*Well, I was hypnotized anyway. How else would you explain my absolute inability to do any other work while smelling this roast cook?  I just stood in the kitchen like a doofus and grinned for eight hours while watching the wind blow the leaves off the trees.  It smelled so stinkin’ good.  It was such a perfect moment.  If you can call eight hours a moment.

There is more to recommend this roast other than the fact that it makes me weep with its smells and makes my head swim by virtue of the fact that it tastes so good.  Really.  It takes all of five minutes to get this roast going in the slow-cooker.  You don’t pre-brown the meat and this step alone saves you time by eliminating the messiest, trickiest step of most roasts.  And having tested the recipe both ways, I am compelled to say that this particular roast doesn’t suffer in the least from skipping the ubiquitous browning step.  So.  Before you head off for the day to work, or church, or apple pick, toss one of these together and be rewarded by a spectacular dinner when you get home.  Or just put it together and stand in your kitchen watching the seasons change.  Either way, you just might weep with joy, too.

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Whilst on the subject of photos, let me warn you.  The quality of these images is all over the place.  The weather was, as I mentioned, inclement.  Wind whipped, clouds covered and then uncovered the sun, and I  just didn’t care enough to spend time fixing it.  The point I’m belabouring is that the food transcends the photos taken of it.  Just make the roast.  Trust me.

I would also like to point out one other thing before we start with the recipe.  Look at that beer can.

I snorted with laughter in public when I saw it.  I bought it.  I’m not too proud to admit I bought it because it was ridiculous.  The beer inside, however, was anything but ridiculous.  I have never, ever had canned beer that good.  It was worth the price tag and it came with bonus laughter;  my kind of food.

Apple Cider and Beer Braised Pot Roast

Ingredients:

2-1/2 to 3-1/2 pound Top or Bottom Round beef roast

1 large onion, peeled and sliced into thick rounds

1 packet dry beefy onion soup mix (Any brand will do.  Most come in boxes with two envelopes.  Just use one!)

2 cups fresh apple cider

1 (12 ounce) can good beer (Do not skimp here.  Use a good beer that you like; porter, stout, or ale.  I prefer ale in this dish.)

1-1/2 Tablespoons British-style hot mustard (I use Coleman’s mustard)

1-1/2 Tablespoons Worcestershire sauce

1 clove garlic, peeled and minced

1 teaspoon dried ground ginger

3/4 teaspoon mild curry powder

Place the thick rounds of onion over the base of the crock of your slow cooker.

Trim as much surface fat from the roast as you can.  Place roast on top of the onion rounds.  Smear the top of the roast with the hot mustard and sprinkle the dry onion soup mix, curry powder and dried ginger over the top.

Drizzle the apple cider, beer and Worcestershire sauce over and around the roast.

Add the garlic to the liquid surrounding the roast. It ain’t perty at this point, folks, but stick with it.  It’s like an ugly duckling about to turn into a swan.  But beefier.

Cover and cook on low for 8-9 hours or until a piece of the roast is easily pulled apart with a fork.

Transfer the roast to a cutting board.

Helpful note:  As counterintuitive as it may seem, meats that are braised have a frightening tendency to dry out at warp speed.  (See the top of roast in the picture below for proof.)  To combat this tendency I always toss my braised roasts in their pan juices prior to serving.  As often as not, I serve them in their pan juices as well.

Slice or shred the the roast into large pieces and return to the cooking liquids in the crock.  Toss gently to coat and serve.  My favorite accompaniments are broiled polenta squares (or Italian grits as my kids call them) topped with grated Romano or Fontina cheese, roasted cauliflower, a tossed salad, and hot crusty bread covered in butter.    It is equally wonderful with mashed or roasted potatoes and glazed carrots.  Sure, this dinner is fifteen shades of brown, but who cares? It’s Fall!  Brown is savoury!  Brown is delicious!  Brown is good!  Embrace the brown!

One night while Mom and my baby sister were out there, the Shaffer girls (because that’s what they become when they’re all together again) and Grandma gathered around the kitchen table to talk food and enjoy one another’s company.  That’s when Grandma brought out the game.  Boggle.  My grandmother looks sweet and kind and delicate because she normally is.  My beloved late grandfather was a pastor and Grandma fed every stray person and dog that Grandpa brought home; and that was many, many mouths.  She is kindness personified and I have never once heard her say a bad word or gossip about anyone she knows.  She doesn’t drink, she doesn’t swear, and she takes care of everyone who crosses her path.  But you put Boggle in front of her and she morphs into a killer.  Grandma has handily defeated engineers, teachers, doctors of theology, English majors, physicians, and housewives and has -so far as I know- an undefeated Boggle record in her 83 years of life.  Grandma is a walking thesaurus.  Grandma is a a word creating machine.  And don’t let her sweetness fool you.  You don’t want to write down a word incorrectly or make one up.  She’ll lower the boom; then offer you a bite to eat because you look famished.

Here’s a fact; playing Boggle is the only time my Grandma talks smack.  She challenged my mom and aunties by saying, “Come on.  I’ll wallop the dang out of you!”  Seriously.

I learned to can at the collective elbow of these women.  I don’t even have to close my eyes to picture all five of them sitting around my grandmother’s table or on her porch peeling peaches, snapping green beans, peeling and packing tomatoes,  brining pickles or playing Boggle to unwind after a marathon canning session.  If I put the tiniest effort into the thought I can even feel the steam in the kitchen from the rocking canner on the stovetop.  They would sit and talk and laugh and eat while helping put up the massive amounts of produce from Grandma’s gardens for the winter.  Nothing was wasted.  If it couldn’t be eaten right away it was frozen or canned or fed to the wildlife surrounding their home that we had named ‘Grandpa’s Mountain’.  All creatures great and small eat well when my grandma is around!

I am blessed that all of these wonderful women are still canning up a storm and ever present in my life.  We regularly call (or email, these days.  And yes, my Grandma emails.  She’s a techno-Grandma!) to share our canning tallies. And honestly?  It’s absolutely wonderful to pop down the basement stairs and struggle back up lugging those luscious jars of summery tomatoes and whatnot to make dinner on a dreary winter’s day; But sharing what you’ve made is a  more than half the fun.

My sister and I are carrying on the tradition.  We make staples like tomatoes, salsa, pickles, jam and more, but also consult each other and try to make something new each year so we have something to swap that the other doesn’t have. And we try to figure out a way to get stuff out to our Michigan family every year.

Just this past summer I knew I wouldn’t get a chance to get up north in the mitt to see Grandma and the aunties.  I got to see Aunt Sarah briefly and sent a heavy box of pickles and jam along with her to distribute amongst Grandma, Aunt Molly, Aunt Vicki and the cousins during one visit.  (Don’t worry.  I didn’t burden some poor old thing with a massive box-o-jars.  My Aunt Sarah is only a handful of years older than me and she agreed because I added an extra jar of pickles to pay her back for lugging them around.  Well, she might’ve also agreed because she loves me.  The next time I talk to her I’ll ask if it was for love or pickles.)

I wish I had laid my hands on tomatoes before our visit because I would have loved to send a jar full of one of our more recent favorites along with her: V-7 Juice.  This is definitely a canning recipe that reminds me of my grandma. This seven veggie juice blend  uses up the odds and ends from a well stocked garden.  No garden?  No problem!  You can throw this together easily with vegetables that can be found at almost any grocery store or farmer’s market.  Why not rustle up an additional ingredient to make it homemade V-8? Between my husband and kids and I we have seven people in our family, and I become symbolic-slash-nostalgic at odd moments.   V-7 it remains.  Strange that may make me.  Talking like Yoda am I.  A V-7 I need. *

*Promise to stop talking like Yoda do I.  Hard to quit it is…

This juice is a bit of a project.  It’s not hard, but it is time-consuming.  You’ll want to block off about five hours total from start to finish.  It can be divided up over a couple days, so those five hours don’t have to be consecutive.  And the surpassingly fresh flavor is so worth the effort.  It is infinitely better tasting and better for you than the stuff in cans at the store.  It smokes it.  Dare I say it wallops the dang out of storebought vegetable juice blends?

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V-7 Garden Vegetable Juice Blend

Ingredients:

• 24 pounds tomatoes
• 1 pound carrots, scrubbed and diced
• 1 head celery, scrubbed and diced
• 1 cup diced onions
• 1 large bunch parsley, washed (This can be found bundled at the store if it is not in your garden.  If you grow it, firmly pack a measuring cup with washed parsley still on its stems.)
• 1 Tablespoon Kosher or sea salt, optional
• Bottled lemon juice (use the best stuff you can afford here.)

Wash the tomatoes.

Slice a shallow wedge out of the top, stem-end of the tomato to remove the core.

If they are small or average size tomatoes, cut into quarters.

If they are large, cut into eighths.  Add a couple cups of the chopped tomatoes at a time to a large, non-reactive (glass, enamel, and stainless steel are all good choices) stockpot over medium-low heat.  Lightly break it up with a large spoon or potato masher.

Continue adding tomatoes and breaking them up after each addition until all the tomatoes are in the pot.  Add the carrots, celery, parsley, and onion to the pot and stir to combine. No onion pics today, though.  Those were some powerful onions and I was crying too hard to take a picture.

Raise heat to medium high and bring to a boil, stirring frequently to prevent scorching and sticking.  Lower heat and simmer for about 35 minutes, or until carrots and celery are mostly tender.

Position a strainer over a large bowl or another large, non-reactive stockpot.

Ladle the vegetables and their juice into the strainer.

Once everything has been strained,   return the liquid you’ve collected to the (rinsed) stockpot.  Juice the remaining vegetables (or process until smooth in a food processor or food mill.)  Strain over the stockpot to remove seeds and peels.  If using salt, stir it in now.

Heat juice to 190°F.  DO NOT ALLOW TO BOIL!  If you don’t have a thermometer,190°F looks like a great deal of steam coming from the surface of the juice with no bubbles breaking the surface.  Hold at this temperature for 5 minutes.

Prepare jars.*

Add 1 Tablespoon of bottled lemon juice to each sterile* pint jar and 2 Tablespoons of bottled lemon juice to each sterile* quart jar you will fill.  Ladle the hot juice into the jars leaving 1/4″ of headspace. Wipe the rims of the jars and add the lids, then tighten the rings just until resistance is met.

*If you need help learning what this means or how to sterilize your jars, click here!

Fill your canner about halfway full of tepid water. Arrange the jars around the base of the canner and add water, if needed, to cover the jars by 2 inches.  Cover and bring to a full, rolling boil.  Start timing at that point.  Process quarts for 40 minutes and pints for 35 minutes.  Carefully transfer finished jars to a cooling rack or a towel on the countertop.  Allow to cool overnight without disturbing the jars.

If the jars have sealed, the center of the lids will be tight when pressed gently.  If the seal has failed, it will pop down and then back up when pressed.  Any jars with failed seals should be stored in the fridge until used.  The rest of the jars can be stored in a cool place such as a cupboard or basement for up to a year.

Boston Coolers are an iconic Michigan dessert.  Yes.  I am aware it’s called a Boston cooler but its origins and popularity have nothing whatsoever to do with Boston, Massachusetts.  This perfect combination of Vernor’s Ginger Ale and vanilla ice cream hails from the Boston Boulevard area of Detroit, Michigan; another Michigan icon.  And since that glorious elixer Vernor’s, the oldest surviving commercial ginger ale in the United States, was also conceived in Detroit, I guess that makes the Boston Cooler ‘Pure Michigan’.  (Wink wink.  Hey Michigan Tourism Bureau.  Take note.  I am willing to work for Vernor’s.  Thank you.)

This brings me to a very important point; why is Vernor’s so special?  Leave aside for a moment that it’s aged in oak barrels (let’s see Canada Dry and Schweppe’s try that shall we?) as well as the fact that it was created before the American Civil War and has been sold continuously since.  Vernor’s just plain tastes better than any other ginger ale on the market.  It has kick in more ways than one;  it tastes more like a ginger beer than what we think of as ginger ales these days and it is seriously carbonated.  When we were kids, we learned to be very careful with those first few sips of Vernor’s from the bottle or out of a cup.  If you even thought about breathing when your mouth was near the open container of Vernor’s you would collapse in spasmodic coughing fits.  And that was actually part of the appeal.  Who doesn’t love a dangerous drink?

As a Michigander-in-exile, it’s tougher for me to find Vernor’s.  Each time we go to visit family in The Great Lakes State, I pack light so we can cram the trunk of the van with enough Vernor’s so that I can drink it until I get sick of it for a while.  When friends are going to, driving past or passing near The Mitten State I beg them to pick up a twelve pack or two for me.  I wave cash at them.  I promise babysitting favors.  And to sweeten the pot, I offer to make them a Boston Cooler.

So what is a Boston Cooler? In its simplest form (also my favorite form) it is vanilla ice cream floating in icy cold Vernor’s.  When something so simple is so good, why mess with it? Now some people are going to try to convince you that a proper Boston Cooler needs to be prepared in a blender.  Sure, that yields a smooth MILKSHAKE, but a Boston Cooler it is not.  Blending it gets rid of all that beautiful fizz that is part of why Vernor’s is so beloved by folks from Michigan. And it ruins that incomparable magic moment that comes from plunging your spoon into the glass and fishing out a big dollop of creamy vanilla ice cream that has frozen Vernor’s crystals formed all around it.  The crunch of those gingery icy crystals and then the smooth, sweet vanilla ice cream is half (at least) of the fun.  In short, sticking a Boston Cooler in a blender is pretty close to sinful.

Not to put too fine a point on it, but Boston Coolers aren’t just all fizzy, frozen, creamy, foamy, ginger-y goodness; they also represent my youth.  I still eat them exactly the same way I did when I was six years old.  I slurp about half the Vernor’s from the glass and then attack the ice cream with my spoon. Every time I have one of these I feel like a kid again.  So there you have it and you heard it here first.  Boston Coolers are the Fountain of Youth.  Take THAT, Ponce de Leon.  He was off galavanting the globe and investigating Florida and The Fountain of Youth was in Detroit all along.  Boy was HE wrong.

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It was late in the evening, the wind was howling and snow was blowing madly.  And darn it all, we wanted hamburgers for dinner.  We had meat and buns but it was much to dark and stormy out to make a run to the nearest store for the pink floor-hockey orbs they optimistically call tomatoes around here in mid-winter.  We figured we’d just have to do without.  As The Evil Genius began grilling, I rustled around through the pantry and fridge to find something to put on our burgers in place of the missing tomatoes.

The idea that was forming in my head was to find something that had the same textural pop and juiciness that you get from tomatoes…  And staring me right in the face was a big bowl of black seedless grapes.  Could it work?  Fruit and meat have been paired together forever.  But what would counterbalance the super-sweet grapes?  Think.  Think.  Gorgonzola cheese!  Of course!  If fruit and meat have been paired together forever, then grapes and cheese have been paired together forever and ever, Amen!

I put out a bowl of coarsely chopped grapes and another of crumbled Gorgonzola and waited for Monsieur Le Grill Chef Evil Genius to come in with the plate full of burgers.

The kids, unsurprisingly, did not want grapes on their burgers.  Mr. Evil hesitated and looked at me a little funny, but decided maybe, just maybe I was onto something and loaded his plate accordingly.

The silky, rich and pungent Gorgonzola cheese melted ever so slightly on the juicy chargrilled beef burgers and coated the roughly chopped sweet, black grapes.  The Dijon mustard laced mayonnaise on the buns added just the right amount of spiciness.  To say the heavens parted and God smiled when we tasted those burgers might be just a touch on the side of hyperbole but it’s not too far from how we felt.

We ate these burgers once every week for about 3 months.  We called all of our food-obsessed friends and told them to make them exactly. as. we. said.

Furthermore, when tomato season got back up and running again we kept putting grapes and Gorgonzola on our burgers and stuck the tomatoes in vast batches of pico de gallo.  Tomatoes on a burger?  Pshaw.

The Evil Genius got downright insistent that I submit the recipe to the ‘Build a Better Burger’ contest that Sutter Home sponsors annually.  I did.  And I didn’t hear anything.  He suggested I wait one more year and try again.  He was that sure that this recipe would net us the $50,000 prize bringing us that much closer to his plans for world domination.  So I waited.  And again I did not get chosen.  Well, that was enough for Mr. E.Vil.  He said, “This burger is just too good to keep to yourself.  Put it on the blog or run it in your column. No, wait.  Do both!”

Just one more thing before I share the recipe.  I know now why they didn’t choose my burger for their contest.  There are three reasons.  Reason #1: It’s too dadburned easy a recipe to make to be a contest winner.  You can make this with one arm tied behind your back.  There are no fancy schmancy trendy skills or techniques required to create this masterpiece. Reason #2:  It doesn’t require any exotic ingredients; nothing you can’t get at a marginally stocked grocery store.  Most places that have grated cheese in bags have little plastic containers of crumbled Gorgonzola or blue cheese.  Reason #3:  The contest would be ended for all time the second they chose my burger.  There would be no complicated, chi-chi, expensive-ingredient laden burger that could ever again compare to the simple perfection that is the Gorgonzola Grape Burger.

And please, even if you don’t think you like blue cheese, try this on for size.  In the amount I like it there is definitely a distinctive Gorgonzola taste.  If, however, you are a confirmed blue cheese hater, just try half a teaspoon on your burger.  It will perform a magic trick and disappear on your burger leaving behind only a certain something that is completely non-identifiable but makes your mouth water.  Like all good umami combinations, you can’t really put your finger on why it’s so delicious.  You just know that it is!

So here you go folks.  Let’s call this a $50,000 gift.  Because these burgers are just that good.  And I love you all.

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Gorgonzola Grape Burgers

You can use whatever hamburger meat or frozen hamburger patties you want.  Sirloin is the preferred burger around here, but do whatever flicks your Bic.  The most important thing, really, is the toppings in this case.

Ingredients:

• 1 pound ground sirloin or ground chuck (or four 1/4 pound frozen hamburger patties)
• Montreal Steak Seasoning
• 1 pound black seedless grapes (Red seedless grapes can be used if you can’t find black grapes.)
• 4 large, bulk-style hamburger or sandwich rolls (Kaiser, Onion, etc…)
• Gorgonzola cheese, to taste
• Mayonnaise, to taste
• Dijon Mustard, to taste

Preheat grill or heavy pan to medium high.

If using ground sirloin or chuck, divide into four equal portions, use light pressure to form into balls and gently flatten it out into patties.  Don’t squash the patties mercilessly!  Do try to get it a uniform thickness so that it cooks evenly on the grill.  Or skip all that and toss a few good quality frozen hamburger patties on the grill.  I won’t judge.

Cook the hamburgers to desired doneness.  We start pulling them after about 4 minutes on each side for those of us who like ours medium and continue on down the road until we pull off the hockey-puck well done burger for the one child who unaccountably likes well done burgers and rock solid egg yolks.  When burgers are done, remove to a plate and cover lightly with foil to rest.

Slice the grapes thinly and then roughly chop them.

Slice open the buns and spread the cut side of both halves with mayonnaise and Dijon mustard to taste.  Place a patty on the bottom half of the bun and crumble Gorgonzola over the top to taste.

I like Gorgonzola a great deal and add about one tablespoon per burger.  You can adjust that up or down depending on your affinity for bleu cheese.

Now grab as big a handful of the chopped grapes as you can and pile it on top of the Gorgonzola. Ever so lightly press the grapes down into the cheese and top with the other half of the bun.  Eat.  Be happy.  You’re welcome.