FMyLife - Blog

FML celebrates Halloween

2009-11-20T04:51:46+00:00

Two weeks late, yes, we know, but since Dr Emmett Lathrop Brown developed his coolest invention, time seems to be much less impressive now. It also works with Prince Dastan. Anyway, today we'll feature the kind of creature that does not have its place in a Disney movie. It's half-dead, half-alive, sometimes it dribbles, most of the time it's planning to suck your brain out, and, no, we're not talking about Simon Cowell, we're talking about zombies. Yami. A Zombie could indeed be a great costume for Halloween, but if you look at 78% of all horror movies and 98.9% of all horror video games, you'll realize that it's also one of the scariest things of all time. Maybe 2012 will be the year where dead people return, who knows. Who cares, we got plenty of time before 2012, at least 3 years, so let's sing along with the Cranberries and welcome today's intact-brained artist, Laurent Lebiez, also known as Eddy Maurice!

Laurent named himself Eddy Maurice thanks to his parents who gave him these second and third surnames. Funny people. Eddy is 34 years old; he lives in Rouen, a pretty city in France with a great gothic cathedral. He's a graphic designer working for a communication support publishers association. Most of his projects (posters, brochures, websites.) are aimed at 14 to 25 year olds. Eddy loves creating images, even if he regrets the the fact that a large part of his work consists of page setting, his dream would be to do nothing but illustrations. But, times are hard, and like everybody else, he needs to pay the rent. At school, Eddy was the kid at the back of the classroom, who spent his time drawing in the margins. After school, he'd read comics, comics, only comics, most of them French or Belgian, and after reading them, he'd then try to reproduce them. The first of his "plagiarism" work involved the cowboy Lucky Luke. When he turned 10, his curiosity was kind of bored with the European style and so he tried to read American comics. Bingo, no doubt at all, when he grew up, he'd draw X-Men.

Right after he graduated high school with a specialty in art, he went directly to an art school. Then he graduated from art school, and a few months later, he became a graphic designer, a job that he's been doing for 12 years now. Even if he's working for a French agency, he's also a freelance artist who is doing the visuals for the Normandy Opera; he's also done some artwork for several magazines (Newcomer, Normandy Junior ...). In September, Eddy won the comic contest of the Darnétal festival, in the national amateur category.

You're an artist? You're looking for someone who can colorize your art? Contact Eddy, he loves using Photoshop, Indesing, Illustrator and Paint, and plus, he's a very nice guy, and is hoping to find some collaborations, and one could be with you, yes, YOU!
Now here's a sad thing about today's artist. He's bulimic. Yes, bulimic about all sorts of information: music, movies, comics, sports, news... He spends a lot of time trying to satisfy his bulimia. In vain. Internet seems to give more and more information about anything, it's never ending.

Last question for our French artist, why did he choose this FML and why did he decide to send us his illustration:

"I chose this FML for its visual side. I wanted to add a "cartoon" style to a very descriptive story. Also, maybe I chose it because I really like drawing zombies.
I'm a big fan of "Vie de Merde" (side note: the French version of FML). I bought the VDM illustration book, and I really liked it, I thought it was great with a high standard. So, when I was told that there was an English version that was looking for illustrator, I was thrilled to get the chance to take part."

And we're thrilled that you took part. Thank you very much Eddy, your illustration is gRRRReat!

Eddy's website is here: http://www.eddymaurice.fr

Remember, if you want to be next published artist send an email to alice@fmylife.com which starts with a hello and ends with a goodbye, including your name, age, and a link to your website/blog. If you don't have one, attach some of your drawings. But DON'T send your illustration right away! You need first to get in touch with Alice (who had to make some research about zombies and who hated it) who will tell you what you have to do!

See you next week guys, and we hope you'll work on square roots until then.

FML takes the pony

2009-11-10T11:47:28+00:00

Yeehaa folks! Today, you're our guest in FML Ranch. There's Mama in the kitchen makin' marmalade, old uncle Jessy in his rocking chair playin' the harmonica and droolin', and Ennis and Jack are lookin' after the sheep. And making out. We hope you're not afraid to get dirty 'cause it's time to take care of the animals, the horse's hoofs won't get cleaned by themselves, we need to remove the crap from the turkey's head, and who's goin' to blow-dry the pigs if we don't do it? Yes, taking care of animals and farms is very difficult. But it could be also funny. That's why our lovely artist is here today, everybody please welcome Melanie Matthews!

Melanie is 22 and lives in Melbourne, Australia. She's been drawing for a long time time, she always knew she wanted to be an artist of some kind. She drew and painted until high school, and then it became more of a side thing when she took up playing music. She learnt the double bass and the cello at school, played in all the school bands and orchestras, and formed a small jazz band with some of her friends. They played in various venues, pubs and private parties all around Melbourne and with their school they travelled the state and even went to New Zealand to play. But high school ended and then they all went their separate ways, and so Melanie started drawing and painting again. She likes, and still likes, music but during this years she realized it wasn’t what she was truly passionate about. She studied a few primaries things: Multimedia, Design and Fine Art, but she never really felt at home doing any of those. One day a teacher said to her that she should be doing Illustration. So, she's been studying Illustration for the last couple of years and she is now just about to finish.

As her initial goal was to finish her studies and then work towards writing and illustrating children’s books, she's pretty happy, for now. She has learned a lot about the industry in the last couple of months, going to publishers and showing her portfolio. She's currently drawing up some concept sketches for a great little story, plus, she thinks there isn’t a big market for the type of artwork she likes to do in the children’s book industry. They don’t like retro very much (side note: dummies!). So now she is looking at other avenues like advertising and editorial illustration to get her started.
But for now, she is studying full time, earning her Diploma of Arts: Illustration. With only 3 weeks of classes to go, she will be finishing up soon and beginning her fabulous, fun-filled journey to becoming a full time freelance illustrator and designer. Currently she is working on a few private commissions, some branding/logo projects, some concepts/roughs for a children’s book, and a bunch of school assignments.

Guess what? Melanie loooves drawing and loooves creating fun characters, she loves to be creative. She even has a sort of playful approach to making art: she enjoys experimenting with colours and textures and she likes trying different things. Her sketchbook is her playground (side note: that's so cool to be abble to say that). She also likes to write little fun things about characters; mostly animals because they are the most fun. One day she would absolutely loves to just make books full of her own stories and illustrations. She has one brewing at the moment about tigers and how they like to brush their teeth, and she's also slowly working on an animal alphabet book, they are mostly inspired by Roald Dahl and Graeme Base, two of her idols, but seriously, two of our idols.

Melanie is kind of a newbie concerning the blog stuff, her blog is about 8 or 9 months old. It’s a little archive of her personal art journey as well as being a place to share her news and works in progress. The Bookish Owl name came to her when she had to type something in the ‘blog name’ bit, and she was browsing through some of her DeviantArt comments. One user commented on an owl drawing that she did and said that it looked very bookish. ‘The Bookish Owl’. That’ll do, she thought. And that’s how the Bookish Owl came to be.

And now here's some more informations about and by Melanie that we can't seem to let go! "I like jazz and indie rock music, and I like to read and write silly poems about animals. I also really love food. The gods blessed me with a teeny weeny figure that allows me to wolf down cupcakes and hamburgers without getting much heavier. It’s just awesome. What else? Oh I play videogames, a lot! Probably too much. Lately I’ve been to busy for them though! DOH!"

Now here are the two lastquestions before we let Melanie goes studying how tigers brush their teeth again, even if we really liked her presence here: why did she choose this FML and why did she decided to send an illustration for FML?
"I liked it because it’s one of those moments that sounds as though it could be in a cartoon. It sounds pretty horrific, really – being kicked by a horse, I mean – but I found the story behind it hilarious. I’ve visited many horse trainers in my life (my family writes software for the horse racing industry) and this story just reminded me of all the awful things I’ve heard about people being injured by horses. It’s always horrible and NEVER something to be laughed at.
But I laughed at this one. (sorry!)
I wanted to try something different, and then I noticed an email in my inbox from a while ago that I’d completely missed! Oops! Anyway, I read through it and it sounded like a good opportunity to do just that. The site is also really great and I probably spend way too much time reading some of the stories, they make me laugh out loud and I can’t stop at just one!"

It's a great illustration Melanie, thank you very much!

Melanie's DA is here: http://peridott.deviantart.com/

That's it folks, time to say goodbye, we'll meet next saturday with as specials guests... zombies! Yami.

Remember, if you want to be next published artist send an email to alice@fmylife.com which starts with a hello and ends with a goodbye, including your name, age, and a link to your website/blog. If you don't have one, attach some of your drawings. But DON'T send your illustration right away! You need first to get in touch with our cowgirl Alice who will tell you what you have to do!

Sprawling FML

2009-11-05T18:11:36+00:00

Slurp squish squish! Splash slurp-burp squish snort? Squi-sh slarp slurp shush, blurt. Blurt splash. Eek squis slurb strul snort slarp, shush. Slip haap eew squi ubb, twii. Slom urp slap swift, slup! Slup! Awss blupr squash splif, snort ? Snort slurp eek squish. Strul boow, squish Daniel Simon, slurp turp No Reason! (As today is the first time that we have an octopus-monster in the traditional Saturday illustration, we took some liberties and let the octopus write the introduction. There's nothing more to add, here's Daniel’s interview.)

Daniel is 29. He split his time between the beautiful city of Toronto, and the vast wilderness of his imagination where, he confesses, he walks into things a lot. And as Daniel is a freelance graphic designer, it's pretty good to have imagination (and energy, and patience, and culture...). But especially energy, as living thanks thank to our creations is much more difficult that we thought. Daniel is trying to break into illustration with Children's Books, Cartoons and some other comic related content, even if that means to do grunt studio work for Marketing and Advertising Agencies, Web Design and a smattering of other graphics related work for now. He also recently got approached to work on Graphic User Interfaces as a design consultant for a Business application developer. Yes, he's kind of a Jack-of-all-Trades when it comes to graphics, and gosh, what a great TV shows it was.

Our artist grew up drawing. As soon as he was able to comprehend and grasp objects that would make marks on other objects, he was drawing. He was terrible at it too. But he got better, he distinctly remember having a love of Superman and Spiderman when he was younger, and he started out by tracing the covers of his favorite comics, repetitively. Eventually he graduated to mimicry, trying to emulate the shapes and styles of things he liked. Magazine ads, Comic covers, porn he found under his parents bed, whatever captured his interest. His middle school art teacher recommended that he applied for a Regional Arts High School, so he did, and easily got in. He spent the next five years painting, drawing and learning all about art and it's techniques. But after that much art, he got pretty sick of it, as I'd been pretty much creating new work every day for five years. He stopped drawing almost entirely, and applied to an English Major Program at York University in Toronto intending to become a teacher. He's a pretty big reader, and he excelled in English. So, he figured teaching literature would be a good fit. Turns out, he hates Virginia Woolf. Enough so, that midway through his second semester, he grabbed all my old art, walked over the Fine Arts building and asked them if he could transfer. The professor who reviewed his work looked at it for a long time, looked at him and said, "I'm not supposed to tell you this now, but you're in. I'll see at the start of next semester." Which he didn't, because Daniel didn't have to take his class.

It turned out to be the greatest decision of his life. He got back into art, and learned new ways to conceptualize, and took classes on the side for New Media, Advertising, and Design. About the same time, he discovered Adobe Illustrator, having already worked with Photoshop in high school to do Photo-Editing. He spent a lot of time teaching himself how to use the programs, choosing to stay up late and work on websites and digital art, just for kicks. He got hooked in with some startup companies, and by fourth year he was balancing a full time job as a Media Professional designing template websites and being a full time student, which is where he learned to keep odd work hours.

In 2006, after reading through the entire archives of PVP, Penny-Arcade and Ctrl+Alt+Del and a few others, he decided he wanted to go lowbrow with his work. One sunny day on the dock at his parent’s cottage, he proposed the idea of starting a web comic with his best friend, Jeff Moss. It took some convincing, and some fisticuffs, but he finally managed to strangle out a couple of strips out of him, and so No Reason was born.

Daniel loves drawing. Man, we feel like we say this every single week. We do in fact. It's pretty pleasant to work with happy artists! Any way he loves typography and package design. Remember that every time you buy a toilet roll or a Rolex watch, a designer created by his little hand the packaging and the typography to make you want this product, it's a communicative work that Daniel really likes: "I love creating things that communicate and engage people. I like that things I create affect people, which is one of my philosophies about art. I believe that real fine art is art that interacts and engages its audience."

At least, his "to do" list is enormous. He's currently working on his website and on top of that he has two client websites he's working on. Add to the list two different Children’s books (with two different authors), a short graphic story, and a few pitches for Cartoons, and you're just scratching the surface. He also has some scribbled notes about writing a book.

"-You sure do have a long list of things to do! Here are our last questions Daniel and we'll release you after, why did you choose this FML and why did you decided to send an illustration for FML?
-I had a hard time choosing one, and ultimately, Alice (you [me]) made the decision. When I wrote in inquiring about doing one, Chris Hallbeck's was held up as the gold standard, which I completely agree with as being one of the best illustrated FML's. The phrase 'Take it one step further' was used, so I combed through the archives looking for just the right one. My only real parameters were 'Something vague enough to be taken to a weird place.' I found five or seven that fit the bill [we believe there's a lot more ..] , and bouncing the idea back and forth with Alice produced this one as the winner. I'm pretty happy about this one too. I love drawing monsters.
I've been reading FML for a few months. It's one of my time-wasters when I'm procrastinating. I'd been fighting the urge to steal some of them for scripts for comics, when I noticed Zach Weiners Illustrated FML. Then I didn't think about it for a while. Then I thought about it again. Then I was bored at a job and decided: I should do one too."

click on this preview !

Brilliant idea, we love it Daniel, you should be bored at work more often !

Daniel's portofolio is right here: http://www.march1studios.com

No Reason webcomic is overthere: http://noreasoncomics.com/

Bulp slash squish stub? Slarp slurp urp eew alice@fmylife.com slish oow boow slurp!*

*If you want to be next published artist send an email to alice@fmylife.com which starts with a hello and ends with a goodbye, including your name, age, and a link to your website/blog. If you don't have one, attach some of your drawings. But DON'T send your illustration right away! You need first to get in touch with Alice, who has 8 tentacles, who will tell you what you have to do!

FML face to Facebook

2009-10-30T06:03:45+00:00

FML sent You a friend request. You and FML are now friends. FML posted something on your wall "Hey You! Long time no see! Whassup? It's Saturday, there's a new illustration for You, check it out!" FML poked you. FML’s new status is "Jeremy Sorese is our artist for the day". You like this. Jeremy Sorese commented on FML's status: "Here it goes guys!"

Jeremy is 21 years old, he grew up in Northern Virginia with both of his parents who work for the government; and he has no clue as to what they do for a living. He's currently at the Savannah College of Art and Design in Savannah, GA, where he's studying sequential art, hoping to be able to do children's books, illustrations, graphic novels, etc. once he graduates. Most of his friends are researching genetics, doing cancer research or studying law. He draws comics. And thank god he does.

Comics are his new found love, but he dabbles in sculptures and painting, such as the few pieces he did for the APW gallery back in September. He really loves drawing, plain and simple, and can't see himself doing anything else. Period. Jeremy's style reminds us of Art Spiegelman and Daniel Clowes, in other words, we love his style. Dark, incisive but always with a touch of empathy. He's a traditionalist; he inks with a brush, crow quill on normal Bristol, and also does some gouache illustration and paper sculptures.

Right now, Jeremy is working on a small little story for an anthology put out by Oni about Roller Derby girls, written by actual Roller Derby girls. After that, he's starting a longer story for his senior project through school.

Our artist started his live journal a few years ago, while he was in high-school and had no clue about how to create a website but now that he's in the process of becoming an adult, having a website is one of his major priorities. Oh right, Jeremy also has a Flickr account, but let's say it's because it's taking him a lot of time and energy to become a grown-up man.

Little anecdotes about Jeremy, which make him a real catch, ladies: he loves cooking vegetarian food, old movies singing in a baritone while doing the dishes, and narrating what his roommate is doing in song to annoy her. He also loves trying to fix his bike and understanding how it works, or why it doesn’t. When he was working on the sculptures for the APW gallery this summer, using wood glue, spackle, and hammering planks of wood and drilling, he realized that he secretly enjoy being extremely handy. So if anyone needs strong hands and an oiled muscular body to take care of a piping issue, you know who you need to call.

"-Here is our last question Jeremy, why did you choose this particular FML story?
-I chose this FML because the idea of hand lettering a Facebook page seemed so ridiculous I had to do it!"

(Click on this preview !)

Ridiculous BUT funny, we love it Jeremy, thank you very much!

His Flickr is here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/jeremy_sorese/
And Livejournal is overthere: http://derbyartist.livejournal.com/

If you want to be next published artist send an email to alice@fmylife.com which starts with a hello and ends with a goodbye, including your name, age, and a link to your website/blog. If you don't have one, attach some of your drawings. But DON'T send your illustration right away! You need first to get in touch with Alice, who is on Facebook, who will tell you what you have to do!

The FML break-up

2009-10-23T13:41:30+00:00

"I don't love you anymore, but I can give you hate instead if you like" this, is a situation that can go both ways. First, your most beloved one has just miserably dumped you via text message on your birthday, love becomes sadness, then inevitably hate, even if it takes one little minute or one big decade, hate goes with your break-up. Secondly, your partner is nothing but a drag, and even if it's only been two days that you've been trying to contact him or her, you keep getting the answering machine, so a text is the obvious solution. And then, even if it only takes a minute, or a decade, your ex starts to hate you, and congratulations, you're now the bad guy. Yes, break-up are way to rough to handle, who could possibly have invented something like that? We personally think it's the Pussycat Dolls, so they can sing sad sad stories about break-ups, and while they “hate this part right here”, we hate this song right here. GG. Let's go back to break-ups and what they make us do, and to talk, and laugh, about it, Tystarr, our artist for the day honors us all by his presence!

Tystarr is 20; he lives in Coney Island, Brooklyn, New York. He is an independent graphic designer, meaning that he lives in front, with and for a computer. We love Tystarr’s way of thinking, when we ask him why he's working as a graphic designer, his response his simple: he loves crafting imagery that you don't see everyday. “It's a cool thing when you can have other people see what originally existed only in your mind. I have some big plans for the future. There is this vault of characters I can't wait to release and my hope for them is to be as popular and mainstream as Superman, Mickey Mouse and The Simpsons. They're not just household names, but pop icons that are a part of our culture. My life goal is to go down in history as someone who not only contributed yet helped shaped this rich culture of colorful characters.”

Today's artist’s story is not a common one, as living in the gritty ghetto projects of Brooklyn is kind of rough. His mom passed when he was young, his father skipped town and started a new family when he was just a kid, his grandfather passed away a couple of years ago because due to cancer and his uncle, who took care of him after his grandfather, passed away soon after. He even grew up without knowing he had an older brother until he was 13. With this kind of environment, his escape has always been cartoons and comics. Ever since he was little, watching Looney Tunes with his grandfather, he wanted to recreate the magic he saw on screen and in the "Sunday funnies" in his local newspapers. That interest sparked a flame that engulfed him into the comic book world and look at him now, being featured on Fmylife… Oh, and did we mention he also got shot on his own block?

His website was created in 2004, as an excuse to draw and vent out some of his frustrations at the world through art (plus he could practice his art and if it came out not-so-good, his excuse would be, "it's just a little comic, nothing serious"). Another reason is that Tystarr wanted to entertain the world through doing illustrations. Reading is cool but everyone gravitates to pictures a lot more nowadays. Besides his web comic, 'Twisted Comix' he owns a graphic design business called 'Tystarr Productions'. It’s a one-man show featuring Tystarr handling web designs, logo designs and album covers for underground music artists. He also works on a teen magazine, as a designer, for ‘Lipglossmagazine’, which is going into print next year, so girls keep an eye out for it!

Now here are the last questions: why did our host choose this FML and why did he decide to send an illustration?
“I asked to do an illustrated Fmylife months ago and never chose one. I asked again and surprisingly they still wanted me to draw one out so I took a peek at the homepage and saw this sad story about a girl throwing her boyfriend's necklace out the window but the twist was that the necklace belonged to his deceased grandmother. That was so wrong and funny to me that I just had to do it and because I had to pick one...quick! And why wouldn't I? This site is genius and original I'm totally excited to even be a part of this! Hope you liked it because a lot of blood, sweat and tears were put into this, not to mention time!"

We do like it Ty' ! Great job!

Twisted Comix is this way: http://www.twistedcomix.com/
While Lipgloss Magazine is here: http://www.lipglossmagazine.com/

Far away from bad Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn bad movie, have you heard Adam Lambert’s miracle song? Yes/No? In any case, if you want to be next published artist send an email to alice@fmylife.com which starts with a hello and ends with a goodbye, including your name, age, and a link to your website/blog. If you don't have one, attach some of your drawings. But DON'T send your illustration right away! You need first to get in touch with Alice, our cute resident witch, who will tell you what you have to do!

Original Posters adding more to their stories!

2009-10-21T08:07:34+00:00

Today, I was out for a nice walk and saw a man being attacked by a large crowd. Instinctively I ran to help him. I pushed one "thug" off him and that little time allowed him to escape. I later found out the man I saved had just keyed someone's car and they had intervened. Guess whose car. FML
Submitted on 10/18/2009 at 12:35pm by Helpy from Ohio, United States

Follow-up information from the Original Poster, taken from the comments section:
"1.My car got keyed. 2. I still have morals and actually help people. I'm not afraid to stand for what I believe in. 3. It was a spur of the moment descion. I thought by the time the police came he could be seriously injured."
Link to the FML - Send a private message to the Original Poster

Today, I was listening to music, talking to a boy I like on MSN. He asked if I could share the song I was listening to, so I did. It wasn't until I had shared and fully transferred it did I realise it was actually the fake radio show I record on my own, in a phoney Australian accent. All 6 minutes of it. FML
Submitted on 10/14/2009 at 4:19pm by LasagnaRawks from Hertford, United Kingdom

Follow-up information from the Original Poster, taken from the comments section:
"In these situations I freeze and sorta go ooops, and I dont know what to do. I couldn't think of an excuse. He's sorta avoided me since, he doesn't think it's cute :/"
Link to the FML - Send a private message to the Original Poster

Today, I got home and realized that I didn't have my keys and my mum had said she wasn't going to be home till the next morning. After a long wait I decided I'd have to break a window to get in. Almost immediately after closing the door I watched as my mum pulled up in the driveway. FML
Submitted on 10/13/2009 at 1:28pm by cheeraio92 from Havering, United Kingdom

Follow-up information from the Original Poster, taken from the comments section:
"In fact i broke the window pane in a door. so i reached in and unlocked the door, letting myslef in."
Link to the FML - Send a private message to the Original Poster

Today, I was fired for not attending a mandatory meeting. I confronted my boss and told her I never heard anything about it, she told me that daily reminders had been sent out via email for weeks. She then discovered that she failed to enter my email address in the system. I was still fired. FML
Submitted on 10/02/2009 at 5:31pm by Rae from Texas, United States

Follow-up information from the Original Poster, taken from the comments section:
"Allow me to clarify; I didn't work in an office. I worked at an therapeutic equestrian center training new horses. There was no IT team."
Link to the FML - Send a private message to the Original Poster

Today, I walked into my brother's house to see him unshaven and still in pyjamas eating ice-cream straight from the tub. I said jokingly, "You're lucky you have your wife, no one else could love you." His wife had just told him she was leaving him for her orthodontist. FML
Submitted on 10/01/2009 at 9:19am by FootInMouth from Victoria, Australia

Follow-up information from the Original Poster, taken from the comments section:
"Me and my brothers joke around like that all the time, we're close enough to mess with each other and not let it bother us. And his wife (uhm, soon to be ex), I always thought, was one of the sweetest people in the world, so I never expected this. Yus, my foot is firmly in my mouth, and Imma leave it there a while so I don't say anything else stupid any time soon -.-"
Link to the FML - Send a private message to the Original Poster

Today, I had a big exam. 20 minutes in I could feel people turning round looking at me. I ignored them at first, but towards the one hour mark it got more distracting. I stood up and yelled "Why's everyone staring at me!" I got kicked out. Turns out I was seated directly in front of the clock. FML
Submitted on 09/30/2009 at 9:36am by failfailfail from London, United Kingdom

Follow-up information from the Original Poster, taken from the comments section:
"The reason they were looking directly at me, not up at the wall. We were in an auditorium and i was seated high up at the back. Yes, I am paranoid, very paranoid. But I have a reason for that okay. Just leave off abit. The reason I knew the time without looking at the clock, I wear a watch."
Link to the FML - Send a private message to the Original Poster

Today, my boyfriend found out that he has kidney failure. He was feeling sick for a few weeks and I had told him to drink lots of fluids and eat vegetables. Apparently that is really bad for kidney patients. I was killing him with water and spinach salads. FML
Submitted on 09/27/2009 at 2:33pm by Raven3434 from Washington, United States

Follow-up information from the Original Poster, taken from the comments section:
"Just to put it out there, he had complete kidney failure. He is now on dialysis. His kidneys are toast and he needs a transplant. Apparently it was caused by years of high blood pressure. His kidneys were in trouble before we even met. And I had been encouraging him to go to the doctor. He had seen a few doctors, but nobody diagnosed him until his lungs were full of fluid.
He can't drink too much fluid because he can't get rid of it without dialysis. He cant eat too many fruits or vegetables because he can't process out the extra phosphate and potassium. He also has to limit his sodium, but that wasn't part of my original post. Just wanted to clarify things."
Link to the FML - Send a private message to the Original Poster

Today, waiting for the bus, this creepy guy in the terminal kept staring at me. Feeling creeped out, I started walking, knowing I could pick up the bus down the street. When the bus drove up, it was almost completely full and the only open seat was next to the creepy dude from the bus station. FML
Submitted on 09/25/2009 at 11:54pm by WhyMe from New Jersey, United States

Follow-up information from the Original Poster, taken from the comments section:
"Well, for starters, I'm 99% sure this dude was staring at me because we were standing alone in the annex of the bus terminal, and every time I looked up from my book, he was staring. Secondly, it was almost midnight and this was the same terminal my boyfriend was held up at gunpoint outside of less than a year ago, so I was already on edge. Third, I didn't sit down. Because the creepy fuck smiled at me when I got on the bus! I stood. But the fact that the only open seat was next to him seemed worth mentioning in context."
Link to the FML - Send a private message to the Original Poster

Today, I pulled a bee off of my friend's dog because we were worried he could be allergic. Of course I got stung, and of course the dog wasn't allergic. Turns out I am. FML
Submitted on 09/25/2009 at 9:09am by boomstick from New York, United States

Follow-up information from the Original Poster, taken from the comments section:
"The dog did get stung. Now I know he is not allergic and I am. Whatever it was was clinging to the dog and stinging it. I don't know if it was caught in his fur or what, but it was certainly not flying away. Yes, it stung me when I yanked it off. I was too concerned with getting it away from the dog to squint at it and make sure I was grabbing *~the front part of the body~*"
Link to the FML - Send a private message to the Original Poster

Today, I was going shopping with a friend. I got up to get off the train and landed on my ass. Not only had I walked into the metal bar, I'd broken my $800 glasses, and the train doors had closed, with my friend on the other side of the doors. FML
Submitted on 09/24/2009 at 6:06am by b. from New South Wales, Australia

Follow-up information from the Original Poster, taken from the comments section:
"My glasses are like, $850, and thats for a normal frame in aus (which costs $250 at my local optometrist), plus multi focal transition lenses, with an uneven prescription in each eye, especially because i have serious eye problems and need to have them specially crafted."
Link to the FML - Send a private message to the Original Poster

Today, a injured guest stopped at the front desk of the hotel and raved about my kindness and 'commitment to customer service'. He told my boss about how I'd gone to the ice machine and personally delivered a bag of ice for his injured knee. Guess who got written up for leaving the front desk? FML
Submitted on 09/23/2009 at 10:01pm by Anonymous from Michigan, United States

Follow-up information from the Original Poster, taken from the comments section:
"For the record I work Night Audit, it was 5:50am. The poor man requested a 6:45am wake up call so he could attend his conference. There was no one else available to help the guest. During training two months ago I'd been told 'Customer Service' was 'everything'. Strangely I thought I was doing the right thing. Especially considering one of my official duties is to leave the desk to deliver folio's (bill's) to be placed under the doors of departing guests. As for the 'grammar police' I said 'a injured guest' rather than 'an injured guest' to indicate an individual person, rather than imply I had multiple injured people staying at the hotel were I work."
Link to the FML - Send a private message to the Original Poster

Today, I had a blind date with a girl someone in my office set me up with. Before the waitress returned with our drinks, this girl asked me to go to her parent's house and pretend to be the father of her yet unborn child because the real father is a drug addict and in jail for stealing her dad's car. FML
Submitted on 09/18/2009 at 3:23pm by oh_its_true from Pennsylvania, United States

Follow-up information from the Original Poster, taken from the comments section:
"To those who think she made it up to get out of the date...i initially thought the same thing too. So i said "listen, you dont have to make up some crappy story like you are on Jerry Springer. I am old enough to be told the truth." So then she started crying. Loudly. Which made everyone look at me like I was some jerk for making her cry. She then tells me its all true and she doesnt know what to do. I tell her maybe jail will straighten her man out and get him straight. I got up and walked out, passing the waitress who was on her way to our table with our drinks (to be fair, she ordered a coke)...i tossed around $40 on the tray and hit the door running. i later remembered that i left my gloves on the table..."
Link to the FML - Send a private message to the Original Poster

Today, I was waiting for a delivery between 9am-8pm. At 7:30 pm, I finally decided to have a 3 minute (desperately needed) shower. During which time the delivery man came. I ran down the street in a towel that barely covered me. He was driving away looking at me in the mirror laughing. FML
Submitted on 09/18/2009 at 1:24pm by calamityjosie from Reading, United Kingdom

Follow-up information from the Original Poster, taken from the comments section:
"1). If I didn't run after the parcel it would have been sent back to the depot (in Bristol!) And would have gone back to America after 1day there! I would have had to pay extortionate posting for it to come back again! 2). Was being picked up at 8 - so yes I absolutely did have to have a shower! 3). If you'd been waiting all day getting restless would you not panic, given that you wouldn't expect out of a 13 hour slot - the parcel comes during the three minute shower you need?! And yes, it is my own stupidity - that's why it's funny, that I clearly have absolutely no common sense...hence the FML!"
Link to the FML - Send a private message to the Original Poster

Today, I was in the 'intimacy' section of Walmart. After grabbing 2 boxes of condoms and a vibrating ring I turn around to see my ex boyfriend's mom. I smile awkwardly and put my head down as I walk away, causing me to colide with his dad and send my 'goodies' all over the floor. FML
Submitted on 09/17/2009 at 2:45pm by RahiYeah09 from California, United States

Follow-up information from the Original Poster, taken from the comments section:
"I didn't have room to mention that I broke up with their son so I could date his best friend... Our Walmart's 'Intamacy' section is on a back wall. The aisles that are in front of it are for shampoo and soap. That's why they saw me. Today my ex texted me and asked me why I needed two boxes since 'I don't like sex' I thought to myself.. 'No, I just didn't like sex with you.'"
Link to the FML - Send a private message to the Original Poster

To be continued...

Parenting FML

2009-10-16T15:35:26+00:00

How can we start this article? We already talked about cops, candies, not-so-well-placed piercings, what does today's illustration feature besides immature parents? Oh, we got it: immature parents! Have you ever caught your parents doing something so childish you wanted… you needed to punish them? It could be a lot of things unfortunately, seeing them vacuously fighting, hearing one of them singing The Mamas and Papas in your yard, teaching them for the millionth time how to start their computers… sometimes it's obnoxious to see them grow even more childish with a total disregard for the continual appearance of wrinkles, while we get older. Benjamin Button style. And to talk about this strange phenomenon, we now introduce our artist of the day, please, everybody welcome Evan Diaz!

Evan is 22, he lives near Houston in Texas with his wife Janette. He works as a 3D artist and animator at a production studio in downtown Houston, where he spends his day working on special effects on blue screens, as well as a lot of fancy 3D things.Plus, Evan is currently illustrating a childrens' book series and is a member of the web comic collective The Noir Project Press, where you'll find great artists creating great comics. Yeah, that's cool

Evan went to school near Orlando, Florida, where he graduated with a degree in 3D animation a few years back. After doing some freelance VFX (side note: visual effects) work, he was quickly hired as an animator at the company he is currently working for. Earlier this year, he finally took the first steps toward his dream of being a bonafide cartoonist when he launched his web comic in March called Pajama Forest.
He originally created it as a run of the mill text blog (which you can still find somewhere on the internet if you look hard enough), but he started to draw comics with it and enjoyed it so much, he focused more and more on that aspect, and eventually the web comic was born.

"-Okay Evan, here are our last questions before we let you go back to playing WoW, why did you choose this FML story?
-It was short and sweet, and I really liked the idea of a middle aged man having such an awful day that he *needed* candy so terribly bad that he would resort to stealing it (that's how I imagined the story playing out anyway..)
- And why did you decided to send an illustration for FML?
-My pal Philippa Rice did one recently and inspired me to do one as well !"

Well, actually it inspired our artist to do four of them, as the first tests weren't conclusive, and he needed (and wanted!) to draw a fresh new one that worked!

click this preview!

And it does! Thank you Evan for your participation... mmmmh candies...

Evan's blog is this way: http://pajamaforest.com/
The Noir project is this way: http://tnppress.com/

And now here's a little instruction manual on how to be our next published artist: send an email to alice@fmylife.com which starts with a hello and ends with a goodbye, including your name, age, and a link to your website/blog. If you don't have one, attach some of your drawings. But DON'T send your illustration right away! You need first to get in touch with our lovely Alice who will tell you what you have to do!

FML won't stop until it hits the spot

2009-10-09T07:34:12+00:00

OH GOD YES, DON'T STOP reading this article, it's not because it's short that it's not good, the most important thing being of course the taste. And today we have a new kind of flavor, a mix a between maple syrup, elk and snow, because we're visiting a Northern artist. No, not Kansas, a little bit more in the North. Not Hannah Montana either, again, a little bit more in the North. Exactly, we're crossing the border to visit Canada for the first time! It's kind of surprising to see that Canadian people are not like South Park describes them, but we're still okay. Even though we're feeling a little cold. Luckily, today's artist opened her doors to welcome us in. We're also welcoming her on FML though, so it’s a perfect arrangement. Please, everybody, welcome Jessa Rempel!

Jessa is 16 years old, and not only is she our youngest ever participant, but she's our first Canadian artist too! It's in Vancouver that she's spending her last year in high school before she enters the wild world of capitalism, unemployment and under-the-desk professional training. Hopefully, she'll reach her dream, which is to work in animation. Passionate about art, she started by drawing actual objects when she was just a little kid. Our little maple syrup is slowly but surely making her place in the DA community. She doesn't own a web comic, but her humor is great enough to make us want to have her in the illustration section!

You're right, Jessa is a little bit young to have a biography as long as Berlusconi's nose, that's why we'll keep it short, displaying her simple but effective drawings, and repeating that she's on her way to be a web comic star… wait and see, my friends!

Time to say goodbye to Jessa, Pamela Anderson, Celine Dion and Keanu Reeves, but before here are our last questions: why did our today's artist choose this story and why did she choose to participate in FML?

"I always come across strange people like the Fat Lady, and I LOVE drawing creepy expressions. Character design is always great too; I have a lot of fun with things like this. As soon as I found out about FML I fell in love, and when the comic section appeared I fainted. How could something so great get so much better?”

click on this preview !

Actually we don't know, it's kind of a miracle... Vanity besides, we thank you Jessa for your orgasmic illustration and we would like to thank Becky who colorize it !

Jessa's DA is here: http://jessathegreat.deviantart.com/

My cardboard FML

2009-10-01T17:26:33+00:00

Hello everybody! We hope that you had a great week and that you're all ready for today's new illustration. As some of you may have noticed, yesterday we received Kevin Nealon who helped us select his favorite FML stories of the day. As the illustration section is also a huge fan of his, we didn't content ourselves with having just an artist today, we actually wanted to make distinguished jokes that we could put in our one-crew-show, if we had one. Of course, we weren't able to do it ourselves, that why we're welcoming with a great pleasure or host for today, Philippa Rice!

Philippa is 23, and for the first time, we crossed the Atlantic Ocean to find an artist living in North London, United Kingdom. It makes us want a cup of Hugh Grant and a tea autograph, or the other way around, either way is fine. She did A-levels in art and design at school, even if she was encouraged to do a degree in fine art, our artist of the day decided to go for Animation instead, because it seemed like more fun. At the moment, Philippa is between jobs. Since graduating in 2007, she has worked in a few different short term and part time jobs. She hasn't tried to get a job in animation because she wanted to carry on with that on her own rather than animating someone else's characters. As she says, it's a difficult time for employment at the moment, so instead of trying too hard to find a full time job, she has been creating work for herself with freelance illustration, and selling her comic books online and at craft fairs. And we can do nothing but encourage her, because her productions are amazing.

My Cardboard Life started almost a year ago now. It's a webcomic updated on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. It's made out of actual cardboard and paper which she cuts out with her own cute little hands. You may ask yourself whether it's expensive to make. Actually we did too, but Philippa assures us that it's not. All the cardboard is recycled from old packaging; a lot of the paper is also recycled scrap paper. But she does buy a lot of glue however.

Originally, the idea was to create a children's picture book about recycling. Philippa moved into a new home, and had all this cardboard around from flat-pack furniture. She came up with the character Cardboard Colin and some other characters like Plastic Pete, Tin Tim, Paper Pauline etc... She never finished the picture book and she left the idea alone for several months before she decided to give Cardboard Colin another chance and make him into a webcomic. Cardboard Colin and Paper Pauline were the only characters to stay on board; even the recycling theme was dropped. My Cardboard Life is mainly about the friendship between Colin and Pauline now: Colin is naive and a bit childish, and Pauline takes advantage of this and is often cruel to him. But you know it’s like Wilson and House, we can wonder if love is not behind all this…

By visiting her blog, we discovered that MCL was one project amongst many others. Not only Philippa can handle an entirely hand-made webcomic (as does Becky that we met last week) but she also does illustrations, postcards, posters and even plush!
“I learnt to crochet about six months ago, and my house is riddled with plush toys that I keep making. My Boyfriend complains every time I make a new one, but then he doesn't like it when I sell them either because he gets attached."
Another thing Philippa has been working on is a series of art-zines called Intricate Dwellings, which are made up of detailed drawings of landscapes, where Philippa hides little items for people to find, like the latest level of Waldo, except that Intricate Dwellings is harder and cuter.

“-Why did you choose this FML Philippa?
-I liked the fact that it was a bit mysterious. What was the ex-girlfriend so cross about? Did he deserve it or not, and what was the actual damage caused? Also, it gave me the opportunity to buy a bag of peanuts and eat most of them.
-Did you eat the bat too? Mh never mind, last question, why did you decide to send an illustration for FML?
-The FML stories are so addictive to read. I especially like the embarrassing ones. Cardboard Colin has a lot of FML moments too. I guess I must be a fan of misery and misfortune.”

At least your illustration is not made of misery! Thank you Philippa for your contribution, we'll send you all of our cardboard so you can continue your amazing job for the next few years!

My Cardboard Life webcomic is here: http://mycardboardlife.com

Philippa’s blog where you’ll find other things that she’s doing (including a shop corner! Go crazy!): http://thejuzzard.blogspot.com

Today, it's Kevin Nealon's day!

2009-09-28T09:43:59+00:00

Kevin Nealon is a talented actor and stand up comedian, on our TV and cinema screens. He's also a really nice guy. To prove this, he was willing to answer some of FML's dumbest questions. He also helped out by selecting a few of the stories that will be published today. Enjoy!

We love you as Doug Wilson on the show Weeds. Has this popularity helped you to gain easier access to the best restaurants or police stations?
KN: I wish. Actually, it only gets me easier access to hemp stores.

You were a longtime member of the animal rights movement. Which animal is the best kisser?
KN: Definitely not a cat. Their sandpaper-like tongues will take half of your face off. Not a horse either. That's like getting pounded in the face with a wet log. I'd have to say the best kisser is probably your run of the mill shelter dog. They are very appreciative of your company.

You graduated from St. Joseph High School in 1971. Was there a jazz band playing at the prom?
KN: I don't know. I didn't go to my prom. Like always, I had waited to the last minute to ask someone and by then they were all taken (at least that's what they said).

You were part of Saturday Night Live. You have a great experience of comedy, thus of life. What message would you like to send to your children?
KN: Eat, TiVo, play.

What would you like to say to your other children?
KN: "I'm sorry. It was a one night stand. Your mother never told me about you!"

Your new DVD "Now Hear Me Out" will be released shortly. If we tell you that we love your work, that you're one of the coolest stand-ups in the world, can we have a free DVD for the FML Team? (you don't have to answer the question, it's just plugging your DVD - just send us the DVD anyway)
KN: It's in the mail.

You've been a vegetarian for 18 years. Isn't that a bit of a long time?
KN: Hopefully, it will be considered a short time in respect to how long I actually live.

You're the son of Kathleen, a homemaker, and Emmett Nealon, an aircraft company executive. Can you still get cheaper plane tickets?
KN: I can only get cheaper tickets to see 'Jefferson Starship' in concert.

You've only been married twice. What flaws must a woman have to attract you?
KN: She must be legally blind, forgetful and have a poor grasp of the English language.

The stupidest word in Love, is it "thanks", "more-more" or "yes-yes"?
KN: None of those. The stupidest word in love is "How much??"

Would you be more ashamed that your best friend saw on your bedside table: a Dan Brown book, or a blow up doll?
KN: I would be most embarrassed if my best friend found a blow up doll of Dan Brown.

It is said 'A good name is better than riches'. Then why did your folks call you Kevin?
KN: My folks actually call me Rich. I came up with the name Kevin.

Can comedy come from tragedy? Erm, no... forget that question. Have you, like some of your colleagues, thought about stealing standup routine ideas from the fmylife.com stories?
KN: I haven't, but that's not a bad idea.

Which sin tempts you the most?
KN: Killing you.

What's the last question that no one should ever ask you?
KN: "Which sin tempts you the most?"

FML's bringing cuties back

2009-09-25T05:45:54+00:00

Hey there kitty kitty kitty, how’s our favorite little pets doing today? We hope your master took you out for a walk earlier in the morning, because now it's time to rest your little paws, so you can fully enjoy today's illustration. A lot of our little friends are here to commemorate this weekly celebration. Hello Kitty is right behind us, finishing her milk, and sending her 1'000'000th customized pencil, Beethoven and Lassie are on tenterhooks, waiting for us to present today's artist (and also expecting an addition to their family very soon, so congratulations to them about that) and Eddie McDowd is still searching for 24 good deeds to do before the wizard will let him go flirt with teenage girls again. And you are here, that's the most important thing. Ladies, gentleman, puppies, please welcome our artist of the day: Becky Dreistadt !

Becky was born 23 years ago in Williamsburg, Virginia. She graduated from the Savannah College of Art & Design's Sequential Art (Comics) department in 2008. She was kind of lost on what she could do with all of her free time. But then, she met Frank, and something amazing happened, not only did she fall in love but she also made a big decision and so she finally majored in comics rather than animation. When she graduated, she moved down to Auckland, New Zealand to work on comics with Frank, but the idea of moving back to Los Angeles in a few years time could be on the cards.

Our comic artist and illustrator’s main project is Tiny Kitten Teeth, a 3 to 5 times a weekly updated web comic, created in early 2009 after brainstorming with her partner Frank. They did a gag comic together, they liked it, but it didn't really give either of them a chance to be as creative as they wanted to be. Willing to give the best of themselves, they had another brainstorming session, and their new web comic was born within the hour. It's even more impressive that TKT is entirely painted in gouache. Making a made-of-gouache webcomic does not only take time and hard to put together, it's also pretty expensive, that's why here at FML, we are pretty impressed (and proud!) to welcome Becky.

Guess what, Becky loves animals! All the kinds of pets that you can imagine: rabbits, cats, dogs, birds and specially chickens. She like them both alive and cooked as teriyaki, or scrambled eggs. "I feel hypocritical!" she confesses. Besides the usual pleasures like live music and having great and weird adventures, Becky can't stop herself from liking more and more animals, that's why going to the zoo is one of her biggest hobbies.

"-Time to say goodbye Becky, but before we let you go to your enchanting little word full of little animals that we would love to live in, we would like to know why you chose to participate in the FML illustrations and why did you choose this particular story?
-FML is a really fun blog, I can relate quite a lot to the sentiment behind it. Also the freedom of being able to twist and change someone's story was really fun."

Your illustration is funny indeed AND it's cute, thank you Becky! Ooooooow kitties...

"Tiny kitten teeth" is this way: http://www.tinykittenteeth.com
Becky's DA is here: http://pocketowl.deviantart.com/

FML tips the scale

2009-09-18T08:23:08+00:00

Hello everybody! How is your waist measurement today? Belly full of turkey or most alike Nicole Richie? Drop your Reese's right now, we need your full attention for our brand new illustration, because it concerns you. Yes, you, sugar cane. From 7 to 777 lbs, you're all concerned by this all junk-food issue. It starts in the morning with those delicious Cheerios hanging out in your milk, and it lasts until you finished your tub of Chunky Monkey watching Carrie Bradshaw dumping Big again (or until you down a couple of beers watching the Houston Astros dumping victory and pride again). And we should be ashamed of eating this much. Really. It's time to take care about our body, our temple, so come on, everybody get on a diet, now. As we know, it's going to be tough, so we asked someone to help us, and she said yes, so please everybody, welcome Diana Kiester our today's artist, also known as Luna!

Luna is a quiet, young and promising young 19 year old college student, studying Business and Japanese in Oregon, planning to be a liaison for Japanese and American companies. She also works part-time at the same college, doing confidential application work (so, shhh!). Luna has two brothers with different forms of autism, one older and one younger. Both of her parents work full-time. Being the middle child, there's always quite a bit of pressure put on her to be responsible and take care of things. It's a little stressful, so art is her way of dealing with stress. Her Dad collects comic books, so she’s been reading those since she was 5, and trying to draw them as well! She has been drawing specifically in "anime" style since she was in Fourth Grade, when she picked up her first How-To-Draw book. For the past two years, she has been striving for improvement. It's hard to balance work, school, home-life, and art, but somehow she still manages to succeed. This past year was the most stressful to her, because she moved away from home to go to college.

Luna has owned a DeviantArt account for two years now. She started it with a few goals in mind: she wanted to share her artwork with others (no matter the style or her expertise), she thought it would help her find ways to improve her art, and finally, she wanted to find other artists for inspiration! These three reasons ended up in a big project that has been on a long hiatus. When Luna finds some more time, and when she feels more comfortable with her style, she's going to start working on it again. Believe us, you'll be warned when her web comic will go online. Anyway, she easily confesses that she has too many ideas floating around for comics, animation, and artwork that she often loses track! But she made a resolution: next year, she will find some time to get at least 10% of them down on paper.

Now take your pen girl, and get ready for a pop quiz, what do you like about your life?
"I enjoy drawing (of course!), Reading books and comic books (I am an amazingly fast reader, or so I'm told. I finished the last Harry Potter book in less than 6 hours), hanging out with friends and family (my family is pretty cool), and cooking. I'm vegetarian and lactose intolerant, so it's an adventure figuring out different meals: I love italian, indian, german, and japanese food! And I love finding odd kitchen gadgets!"
And so do we. Are we the only ones that love the cheese graters?

"-Why did you choose this FML and why did you decided to send an illustration to FML?
-When I was reading FMLs a while ago, this one really caught my attention. I'm on a diet right now, so I can sympathize with the author. Plus, I love drawing awkward moments. Eh, I figured it would be fun to do !"

And it was fun to read, 100% win, thank you Luna for your great illustration!

Luna's deviantart account is this way: http://mangakaluna.deviantart.com/

We ate the Reese's. (And if you want to be our next published artist, or if you really love a web comic and you think it'll fit FML's humor, send an email to alice@fmylife.com including your name and the link of your website or the link of your favourite web comic. We'll check our emails after dinner.)

FML's standing to attention

2009-09-17T12:31:11+00:00

Everybody's standing to attention now! Even Uncle Sam has joined us, because he wants YOU for the F.M.L army. Polished shoes, shirt tucked in, chin up, head neatly shaved, you're ready for D-Day, the day for a new I-Illustration. No time for childishness, it's going to be bloody, with a large portion on French fries please. The training will be merciless, our enemy? Serious. Helped by today's artist (and judged by Ellen DeGeneres, how about that), being coached to fight this serious an opponent will never have been this fun. So please guys, welcome Wanchana Intrasombat also known as Vic! And what do you have to say? Sir, yes sir!

Vic is one of those people that we love to present to FML's audience. Once upon a time, the FML crew was hanging out on the net, checking for brand new artists for our traditional Saturday illustration, when, at the corner of a DeviantArt account, some great creations appeared. Speechless, we sent an email to the artist, asking him if he wanted to draw something for FML, and 3 hours later, his amazing illustration arrived in our mailbox. Fast and fabulous, a perfect combo.
Vic is 23 years old; he lives in Bangkok, Thailand. He went to college there and received his degree from the University of Thailand in Fine Arts, before going to Pune in India, to study English for 6 months. This new ability helped him to find a job 4 months ago, as a graphic-designer in a big International Thai firm, where he's surrounded by all kind of projects. He's working for example on a Thai card game project called "Magic soul island", but he's also working on the aesthetic aspect of a new game of the German IPod/IPhone game concept, Blacksmithgames.

Even if our artist doesn't have much time to fill his DeviantArt blog with some of his unbelievable drawings, he's very attached to it, as sharing his creations to the rest of the world is very important to him:
"I love to have all kind of projects or concepts, I try to invent new stuff as much as I can! And then, when I have in mind a brand new kind of idea, I take my pen tablet and draw for hours. I don't stop until the illustration is not 100% finished. I can't leave my computer with a half-done work, that's just not my style!"

Vic's style, we can talk about that! Between artistic references such as Caravaggio and a fantasy world, Vic's creations are far removed from what you could have seen before. Funny or scary, his creations won't leave you indifferent; they always refer to legends or famous faces. Plus, we won't deny that his technique is close to perfection so yes, it helps.

"-Time to let you go back to your pen tablet Vic, but first, we would like to know why you chose to participate in the FML illustrations, and why did you choose this particular story?
-Just by reading it, I had the baby-situation in mind. I always thought it was stupid to recruit people, to make them soldiers against their will. Plus, for me, the funny side of the army is that, people don't talk (and don't ask and don't tell...), they're kinda like robots and they've been so formatted that they can't see how incongruous some situations can be. That's what I tried to represent in my illustration, with the soldier that doesn't even realize that he's carting away a baby! At the same time, I wanted to allude to kids that are still be recruited in some countries to become soldiers... I guess it's the kind of illustration that brings humor and still, talks about a serious issue. Concerning why I decided to do an illustration for FML, it's just that I love this website, it makes me laugh for hours!"

It is a great illustration, thank you Vic!

Vic's DA is here: http://victorior.deviantart.com/

The Original Book or The Personalized Edition, whatever makes you happy!

2009-09-17T12:28:16+00:00

288 pages, 850 of the best FMLs, all in all, it's a really great book and you’re going to love it.

In it, we reveal the six viruses that are responsible for all FMLs! All the stories are classified by themes... not only is it funny, but it's now also the biggest 'shit happens' laboratory on earth:

1. Moments of shame
Surviving embarrassment, thanks to self-mockery

2. It’s just not fair!
You didn't ask for it, but you got it anyway

3. You shouldn't have even bothered...
You made your bed, now sleep in it

4. Shit out of luck
In the wrong place at the wrong time

5. Rock Bottom
Just when you thought you'd hit a new law

6. The banes of our existence
When all that's wrong with the world is condensed into one person.

Buy it now! (That’s what Ryan said*) - approx $12

There’s also the Personalized Edition ($21.95 - slightly more expensive, but a great gift idea!).

* Ryan is our publisher

WAH on FML

2009-09-03T17:40:30+00:00

Good morning ladies, gentlemen, and everybody else... yes, everybody else, because today is "everybody else" day. You're not a lady, you're not a gentleman, it doesn't matter, you can be both, 50/50 or 25/75, it's okay, in fact, it’s great. Why are we so obsessed of being 100% made of female or male chromosomes? That sucks. Here at FML, after a projection of Victor Victoria, we decided to develop our hidden female or male sides. We are not the only one to do so, take a look around you: David Bowie, the Gossip, Sarah Palin, Brüno, none of them would be categorized to a single, and sad, panel. They all want to break free, and so do we. Supported by Mrs. Doubtfire, let's welcome today's artist who made this great illustration about gender confusion, Paul Westover !

Paul Westover lives in Eugene, OR, with his wife Jennifer and his three kids, Conner, Alec and Alyssa. He went to college there and received his degree from the University of Oregon in Digital Arts cum laude.

Our artist for today is a freelance illustrator and designer. Until recently, his main job since he graduated has been creating illustrations for standardized tests, for both the elementary and secondary levels. Once, someone told him that millions of kids would be seeing these illustrations, so, as you can imagine, he takes more than a little bit of pleasure in the idea that maybe, someday, a kid will see this illustrated FML and say, "Hey! That's the guy who drew 'How many donuts can I fit in this box?' ". And if you're that kid, just tell us how many donuts were in that box. But today, Paul's here thanks to his web comic ‘Woody After Hours’. He works with the writer Ben Carter, whose major accomplishments to date have been eating the World's Largest Gummi Bear™ and drinking his bodyweight in Diet Coke on a daily basis. Basically every kid’s dream. WAH is a web comic about a late night show in Raleigh, NC. It's quite a new web comic, as the website was launched earlier this year. Paul confesses that the best thing about it is that it gives Ben and he an opportunity to collaborate with other web comic authors/artists, as their characters are guests on the show. They write (together with Ben) and draw their own material, afterwards, Paul incorporates it into the artwork that he has created to complete the guest strips.

Paul loves illustrating. Since he was a little kid, he has always had a fondness for comic books. Once, his stepfather gave him a box of his comics when he was around the age of 8. As with Robin Williams, he was immediately hooked. That's how he decided to be a comic book artist when he grew up, influenced by comic artists such as John Byrne, George Perez, Mike Grell and others.
"The farthest I think I ever got was showing Mike Grell some work at a con and him saying "I was on the cusp of breaking in." I was still pretty young at the time, and I let life get in the way of following through on that dream. Well that, and a predisposition towards procrastination. My five year plan has always been to come up with a five year plan. So, it's nice to be working on a webcomic now. It kinda feels like I'm following through on something (albeit several years later!)."

When we asked Paul if there was anything else he liked, besides illustrating, his answer is close enough: animation. His dream would be to create independent comic/horror animated serials for the web or TV. But, as operate a web comic is difficult and absorbing enough time (but don't worry, is updates are always on time, he swears, and we believe him), he just can't find the right moment right now. He has been teaching animation to his 9-year-old daughter, who is 9, so they’re keeping it in the family.

"-Time to say goodbye Paul, but first, we would like to know why you chose to participate to the FML illustrations and why did you choose this particular story?
-I saw all the cool kids were doing it, so I wanted in! Plus, I absolutely love this site! I like to finish a long day with a visit here. It always makes me feel a little bit cheerier, because what better way to lift one's spirits than the pain and anguish of strangers? As for the particular FML I chose, it was really difficult. There is so much potential in a lot of these items. For me, at least with this one, when I read it, I immediately had a visual that made me chuckle. The ones that let your imagination run with it a bit are always the best!"

You're illustration fits perfectly with what you just said. Thank you Paul !

Woody After Hours, is this way: http://www.woodyafterhours.com/
Paul's personal website is this way (and believe us, it worths taking a look) : http://www.paulwestover.com/

And now here's a little instruction manual on how to be our next published artist: send an email to alice@fmylife.com which starts with a hello and ends with a goodbye, including your name, age, and a link to your website/blog. If you don't have one, attach some of your drawings. It's not that complicated is it? Don't waste any more time and send an email now!

Business Casual FML

2009-08-26T07:34:13+00:00

The Holidays are over, hooray! How was your vacation? Lots of sun, sand and thongs we hope. Every single pleasant memory is behind us now, because it's time to get back to work. Monday, there will be pressure on you, because time will get suddenly get much more important. You won't be able go to bed at 8 am anymore, ‘cos you'll be supposed to say good morning to your boss at that time in the morning. Goodbye close-to-being-naked girls and boys that you'd met on the beach, and good morning suited-up America. And to help you keep a straight face during the days you'll be spending behind your desk, there's a web comic which knows how to make us smile about all that business stuff, which is why today's artist is Joe Combs the creator of this webcomic, Business Casual Comic !

Joe is 32 years old. After being born and raised in a small town in Hazard, Kentucky, he's now living in a suburb of Minneapolis, Minnesota with his wife and his three kids. He’s a computer programmer after graduating 10 years ago from college with honors from Pensacola Christian College, with a degree in Computer Science with minors in Math and English. He likes his job, especially when he gets a chance to express some his creative side.
His interest in comics started thanks to his Dad, who bought a newspaper every day and so Joe always got to read the comics page when Daddy came home from work. Joe still has memories of days where his Dad brought home the paper and pointed out to the family certain strips that made him laugh that day. That's how Joe started to love comics, such as Peanuts, Garfield, and the Far Side, all classic comics that we all love.

On the internet, Joe Combs is mainly known thanks to his webcomic, Business Casual Comic which was published for the first time in May 2003 when it was a weekly comic that he created for himself and his coworkers. Around March 2005, Joe left the job that was his original inspiration for the strip, and took a break from the comic at that time. A little over a year later, he realized that all jobs and work environments are full of material just waiting for him to put into comic form, and started up the comic once again. He has slowly grown the comic since the return, updating it twice a week in 2007 and then moving to three updates a week at the beginning of 2009. At first, the comic was created as an outlet for his job, and inevitably he gained a propensity to doodle during team meetings. During one doodle meeting session, Joe drew a couple of sketches and cartoons of his coworkers. After showing them around the office and sharing some laughs, the strip was launched with assistance from his wife on the actual title of the strip.

You'll love Business Casual, even though you may you have a job or not, or if you love your job or not. You'll find in this web comic the best and worst of the working world, whatever that may be. The heartless boss that don't even know your name, the coffee break that’s over too quickly, the irritating geek coworker that you suddenly love when your computer won’t display anything but "Windows Failed, sorry", and of course, time, passing way too slowly, making you ask yourself why in the world are you are stuck behind a desk playing online games, checking Facebook and getting paid all the while. Yes, at least you're getting paid.
In fact, today our artist is going to promote himself, as his description of his web comic says it all:
"Business Casual servers a synergy filled dose of business, office, and technology humor and has been described as painfully realistic by some of its readers. I even once met someone at a convention who walked away from my booth slightly upset because my comic reminded him too much of how badly he hated his own job. And now that I say it like that, my comic sounds a bit depressing. But I swear that there have been no suicides associated with my comic...at least not that I've heard."

But Joe doesn't stop there, he also started a single panel web comic named Rusty The Wonderdog which allows him to show a bit more dark and off-the-wall humor than you'll find in Business Casual. If you like mean, heartless, machiavellic dogs, you'll love Rusty. If not, go back to Lassie.

Now here is our latest question before the coffee break is over, why did Joe choose to send an illustration to FML and why did he choose this story?

"FML is a site that I enjoy reading, and I think that readers of FML could enjoy my strip and humor as well. Also, I've always thought it would be interesting for me to attempt to illustrate other's work horror stories and illustrating a FML is great practice for this. When I got the opportunity to submit an illustration, I immediately knew that I wanted to do a submission from the work category. I create a business/technology based strip, so I knew I had to wanted to find a FML that fit that general theme. Also, since I have 3 kids of my own, I'm just waiting for something like what's outlined in this FML to happen to me one day where the best of intentions lead to heartache and stress."

! click on this preview !

Ah, kids and work, as good a cocktail as Redbull and Vodka. Anyway, thank you Joe Combs for your great illustration!

Joe's "safe for work" webcomic is this way: http://www.businesscasualcomic.com/

And now here's a little instruction manual on how to be our next published artist: send an email to alice@fmylife.com. Here's an example:"My name is Henry Gale, I'm from Minnesota, here's a link to my website/blog where you'll find some of my comics: www.myislandisbiggerthanyours.com, bye". If you don't have a website/blog, attach some of your drawings. It's not that complicated, even the Black Smoke and your boss can do it, so don't waste any more time and send an email now!

Edmund Finney's FML

2009-08-22T09:07:40+00:00

Hey there everybody! It's good to be back home after a fantastic week off. As some of you may have notice, in the manner of Jesus and Liza Minnelli, we organized a big surprise, featuring the new messaging service here on FML. Plus, our traditional Saturday illustration is back as well, so let us hear it folks: "Who is today's artist?". Well, we were kind of expecting a "welcome home FML" but never mind… Today's artist is the creator of a new web comic, hardly 6 months old, recounting the story of Edmund Finney, a young man modestly searching for the meaning of life. Helped (or not?) by strange people and creatures he meets during his way, Edmund's quest is simply delightfully offbeat, that's why the FML Team is very proud to present you today the creator of Edmund Finney's quest to find the meaning of life: Dan Long !

Dan lives in St. Louis, Missouri, USA, where he was born 27 years ago. He went to college at the University of Missouri, Columbia, where he majored in English with an emphasis in creative writing, and minored in Art with an emphasis in drawing. Dan tried to run a comic strip for the university newspaper, which he quickly learned was pretty hard to maintain. In any case, it was a start. It was his first time being published. After graduating, he moved out to Los Angeles, to see what the entertainment business had to offer, but unfortunately, Dan had no other options than working in a restaurant while trying to find his place as a cartoonist somewhere. Los Angeles was not as magical as it sounded, so he moved back to St. Louis and started his current job, where he works in a company’s Sales and Marketing department.

In the maintime, Dan created a few comic-strips that he submitted to all the major newspapers, but all three comic strip submissions were rejected for being “too different” including the last submission “Edmund Finney’s Quest to Find the Meaning of Life”.
" I liked the concept of Edmund Finney’s Quest way too much to shelve it, so I decided to post it online and continue the story. I have actually enjoyed creating the comic more now that I don’t have the space constraints of classic newspaper comics. I’ve taken advantage of this freedom in several strips already. "

As Dan has been doing comic strips his whole life, trying web comics seemed a normal thing to do. EQ started fairly recently, back in April of this year. In this almost-daily-updated web comic, you will find random thoughts, rejected comics (those rejected by MAD and others), random sketches, and anything else relating to art or comic humor. But above all, EQ is a web comic about Edmund's quest to find the meaning of life. Good goal don't you think? Well, it's from this global idea that Edmund travels the world and the seven seas, to discover strange creatures or amazing landscapes. EQ even began to prove fruitful, when a few years ago, an editor at the syndicate gave Dan's name to the editor of MAD Magazine, who then e-mailed him asking if he would like to send him some samples of his work. Since then, he has been published in MAD several times, including in their current issue (side note: issue #501, the cover is of Alfred E. Neuman sitting on a curb with a cardboard sign that says “Will Worry for Food”)

Dan is now proud to say that his current projects are new comics for possible publication in MAD, site improvements on EQ, and other freelance gigs he might pick up from time to time. He's also interested in story illustration, like Berke Breathed’s children’s books.

Now here are our final questions before we let
Dan go help Edmund in his quest: why did he choose this story, and why did he decide to send an illustration to FML?
"I think the concept of calling the person who stole your phone is rather creepy. Here’s this guy that now has all your personal information at his fingertips, able to use your plan, call your friends, anything he wants to do with it, and you can’t do much about it. So, why not make it even creepier? And kind of silly as well. Also, I saw other webcomic artists I really admire doing them, and I thought I’d pick one and see what I could do with it. My comic is storyline-driven (kind of), so it’s always good to work on something completely out of my usual element."

You're right, this concept is creepy. And your illustration is funny. GG Dan, thanks a lot for your contribution!

Edmund's quest is this way: http://eqcomics.com/

And now here's a little instruction manual on how to be our next published artist: send an email to alice@fmylife.com which starts with a hello and ends with a goodbye, including your name, age, and a link to your website/blog. If you don't have one, attach some of your drawings. It's not that complicated is it? Don't waste any more time and send an email now!

New: a messaging service on FML!

2009-08-22T05:13:44+00:00

You can now get in touch with, or be contacted by any of FML's many members for any kind of reason (don't worry, there's also a "block the user" function to avoid any inappropriate stuff).

Is this new function free? Yes. Is this messaging service useful? You tell us. We're now part of a whole community of FML members who exchange points of view in the comments, who've become familiar with each other... which can lead some of you to want to get to know yourselves a bit better. How does it work? It's very simple, you can work it out for yourselves (all you have to do is place the mouse over the icons to find out what they mean - "respond", "block the user", "delete").
So there you go, it's free, fun and easy to use, so get cracking and use it to get to know each other personally. Enjoy!

The message service page contains 3 parts:

My contacts : this is your contact list. You can add the people you contact the most to the list, and unblock someone if you wish to forgive them for whatever they did to annoy you.

Write a new message : To send your messages of love, hate or passion to the person of your choice.

Received messages / sent messages : Read, answer and delete the messages you've sent and received.

The FML of Biff

2009-08-04T15:57:41+00:00

Good morning everybody! Another week is over, bringing us closer to the end of holidays. But we don't care. Here at FML, we fully enjoy our time off, trying all the stuff that we can't do while we're working. Sometimes it's because we don't have enough time, we’re too worn out after a day at work or sometimes we just don't have any ideas of fun things to do. In this case, we have a remedy. Every day, we check a special website where some of the best ideas are published, and every day we enjoy watching them being carried out by the man owning the biggest set of eyebrows you'll ever see. In fact, this website is so well put together that we don't feel the need to look for crazy stuff to occupy our time, we can comfortably stay in our armchairs all day long. We love the internet. Anyway, ladies, gentleman, reckless people, please welcome the creator of "The Book of Biff" created by the amazing Chris Hallbeck !

Once upon a time, there was a young man named Chris who was in art school for a year in Georgia, and then for 3 years in Michigan, but sadly, neither of them had any sort of comics classes. Then, Chris got to the senior level classes, where you get to define your own projects, and so he decided to base his on comics. The downside was that none of the instructors had any background for critiquing the writing or humor aspects of what he was doing, they were mostly judging on the line work and composition.

But that didn't stop Chris who was making little mini comics that he would give to friends, and he started trying to self-syndicate the strip into alternative newspapers. Then this amazing thing called "The Internet" happened and Chris started posting the comics onto the web instead. In 2006, he put a new web comic up, and was surprised to discover that drawing comics and posting them on to the internet was now a much more common thing. However, The Book of Biff is not a common thing. Biff is the 11% yellow-toned character invented by Chris three years ago. Biff, besides his supersize eyebrows, is known thanks to all the things he tries out. Play golf with a guitar? Check. Hang paintings onto the wall thanks to adhesive tape? Check. Each comic shows in one single panel that Biff's ideas are just way cool, but most of the time they're just way too weird to be done. That's how a new definition was born: "very weird (dangerous? Yes, but damn funny) ideas: Biffastic".
Biff had so many amazing adventures that Chris has already published his 4th book, and he’s spent all weekend signing and shipping it out. This same week-end, something happened to Chris. While he was watching one of the greatest movies that mankind ever made (not Twilight, which was made by some creature of the night or other) called Back to the future, a surreal moment happened. He simultaneously remembered what it was like to be a kid thinking about the future, and realized that he was living that same kid's fantasy. And that's one of the coolest feelings in the world.

"- Chris, before we release you, we would like to know why did you choose this FML and why did you decided to send an illustration for FML?
-Since I've spent so long writing single panel comics my brain has been wired to see humor in a certain way. This FML really fit that mold for me. It could almost have been a caption I wrote for one of my regular comics. Besides, I like the challenge of stepping outside the comfort zone of my usual comics. I always learn something new."

click on this preview!

Thank you for your illustration Chris!

And if you’ve been living in a cave for the past few years, and had no internet, here's the link to his website: http://www.thebookofbiff.com/

You have bigger eyebrows than Biff and you would like to be our next published artist? Don't waste any more time, and send an email including your name, your age and the link to your blog/website at alice@fmylife.com.And do it now, because I ain’t no Hallbeck girl, I ain’t no Hallbeck girl.

FML is not a Calamity of Nature

2009-08-01T08:23:53+00:00

Good morning NASDAQ, Kabutocho, la Bourse and Footsie, how’s your inflation today? Hard times? Well, put your Dickens novel away and get comfortable in your armchair because today we're providing you with a brand new kind of stock-exchange graph that we'll call: illustration. We tried to call Bernard Madoff, but we keep getting an answering machine, so instead, we've contacted a real artist, and not some random one, we’ve got the actual creator of Calamities of Nature! Ladies, gentlemen, traders, please welcome Tony Piro!

Before we start, we would like to break open a bottle of champagne for Tony is officially our first adult artist. Tony is 30 years old; he lives near Berkeley, CA, with his wife and his daughter, who's expecting a little brother in the next few days. He works as a postdoctoral researcher, specialized in theoretical astrophysics. He's currently developing mathematical models to understand things like how stars explode. And as Tony says "what's better than things exploding?" Well, we have to admit that we kinda have a crush on things that implode. Anyway, his job seems pretty funny, we could almost forget that he's also the proud creator of the web comic Calamities of Nature.

Calamities of Nature started in July 2007, which means it's a baby-web comic which, despite its young age, is already on the top 10 of our favorite websites. In 2007, Tony got Photoshop and was curious about creating some full-color artwork. He didn't know anything about blogs and web comics, but he tried to post his work online as it might give him some feedback that would be helpful for boosting his craft. In the meantime, he learned about online communities, which made him think that it would be fun to share what he was working on, and check out other people's projects. "There are so many talented people (both in terms of writing and artwork) online. It's both intimidating and inspiring."
Fortunately, Tony's shyness faded, and so he created his own website, where he displays a group of characters that he created when he was 10 years old. When he was in high school, he used to draw mini comics and was struggling just to get a handful of them sold so that people could read his work. Yes, times change, there may be a big financial crisis going on, but at least it's a great time to do art. Nowadays, thanks to the internets, anyone can post their artwork online and have their singular artistic vision seen by thousands of people, for better or for worse. Especially for worse. But not in Tony’s case. The comic gives him a great outlet for all the things that are rattling around in his head. It becomes a challenge to present the idea that he’s thinking about, but also to both make it funny and interesting to look at, the most important combination that some people seem to forget.

Time to let you go back to your morning financial TV show, but before here’s another question. Why did our trainee economist choose this FML?

"FML can be really hit or miss for me. Some of the quirky ones can be really funny or surprising. This specific FML was chosen because I thought it was a nice observation. The current economy is really affecting everyone, either directly or someone we know and I thought it would be fun to take it to the extreme. "

And for the very first time, here's a new traditional question that we'll be asking our Saturday artists:
"- Why did you decide to send an illustration to FML?
- I saw the other comics that had been posted and it looked like fun. Because I produce my comic online regularly, it doesn't give me much of a chance to experiment with format. FML gave me the perfect excuse to try something a little longer. "

click on this preview !

You did a great job Mr.Piro! Thank you!

And now here's a little instruction manual on how to be our next published artist: send an email to alice@fmylife.com which starts with a hello and ends with a goodbye, including your name, age, and a link to your website/blog. If you don't have one, attach some of your drawings. It's not that complicated is it? Don't waste any more time and send an email now!