Finding Equipoise

Because I'm that lazy...

2009-11-06T21:52:19-07:00

Our trip to New Mexico was so fun! Zoe was a lot less clingy this time and showed off her colorful personality. Zoe had a blast Trick-or-Treating in her little fairy costume. It was really nice to spend time with my family. Love you guys! Since my Mom posted pictures of the trip on her blog, I'll just link you there. Enjoy!

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OH! Just a fun tidbit. The other day Zoe brought me her ABC book and was mumbling something. I looked right at her and concentrated on her words and she said, "ABC's?" I got so excited and proud of my smart little girl! She also counts to three and asks "What's that?" at every opportunity. I'm really enjoying her growing vocabulary.

Be OK

2009-10-26T23:56:40-06:00

I am leaving on Wednesday to go to New Mexico to visit my family and celebrate Halloween. I am so excited to see them! This will be Zoe's first "real" Halloween. She's going to re-use her fairy wings from my sister's wedding and go Trick-or-Treating with her Uncle A. It will be fun! In my absence I will leave you a video of Zoe dancing to "Be OK" by Ingrid Michaelson. My child loves music and will dance nearly every time she hears some. I just love her!

Grateful

2009-10-23T23:33:43-06:00

So my running program went on hiatus for a couple weeks. Mostly because I got busy with work and motherhood and blah, blah, blah and figured that was the easiest to give up. Also, because it got cold...very suddenly. After almost two weeks I really thought about it and decided that taking care of my body was more important than housework or really anything else...because if I let my body down...I will let everything and everyone down in not being able to do what I normally do. Plus I missed it...A LOT. I FEEL so much better when I've exercised. I feel healthy, happy, and in control- which you know is like breathing to me. Also, I'm sick of the unsightly bulges. So I emailed Love and told him I needed to figure out some way to run again. I figured he'd email me back some encouragement and I'd need to start brainstorming. Instead he emailed me and said he'd permanently put Zoe to bed on the nights I wanted to run- we usually switch off every two nights- so I could just go as soon as my dinner had settled. After a week of this I really think it's going to work. It freed me to go whenever I was ready instead of worrying about getting Zoe to bed first or coming up with excuses (like laziness) not to. It helps that it also gives me motivation in the form of guilt: "If Love is going to put Zoe to bed, I can't really just be lazy and not run." I'm so grateful, not only for his support, but for him enabling me to create a healthy habit. Besides, I figure it's a win-win for him. He gets time with Zoe on his own (while I get time on my own) and, if I get in better shape, he'll reap the benefits. :) Hello, week 3!

Am I doing this right?

2009-10-14T22:21:54-06:00

As a (relatively) new mother, I've come to the abrupt realization recently that I have no idea what I'm doing. Finally I realize why so many parents turn to other parents, mothers, parenting books and doctors for advice all the time. I think in the first year of life your main focus is to keep your kid alive. You have to make sure they are getting enough food, sleep, attention, playtime, etc. Then suddenly they begin to crawl and you must make sure to keep them out of harm's way and teach them how to master things like stairs and to refrain from using that chair that topples backwards to pull themselves up. You finally get to a point where you are trusting them more and more and then they start to walk. It's a whole new ballgame, walking. Suddenly, because they are mobile on two legs just like everyone else, they think they are big. They begin using their daily accumulated vocabulary not just to practice sounds, but to communicate ideas...or frustrations. They want to start doing things themselves and you want to let them. You try not to hover while they climb up the stairs and stand up dangerously close to the edge. You praise them for their good behavior and do your best to divert them from violent behavior (like hitting, scratching, and pinching), dangerous behavior (like running into the street), and annoying behavior (like screaming). Then you watch shows about a Fantastic English Caregiver who gives parents discipline coaching and see all these kids who's parents were just like you...doing their best to raise kids into productive members of society without really knowing how...and their kids went the complete opposite of their hopes. You see these little monsters and you think, "Oh, my kids will never be like that." How do you know??!! I sometimes see a stubbornness and defiance in my daughter at a tender age of 15 months that I didn't expect to encounter until her teen years and I wonder how I'm ever going to do this RIGHT. I don't want her to turn into a little monster because I let her get away with everything (which I don't)...yet I also don't want to be that overly controlling mother that every child hates because she won't let them be their own person. I want her to have all the opportunities in the world to choose from. I want her to be able to decide on her own what she likes and dislikes, what kind of person she wants to be, etc. I also want to pass on to her important pearls of wisdom I've strung around my neck over the years. How does one do all this right? If you know, I'd invite you to tell me. I'd guess that you don't. I don't think anyone does. In fact, I'm fairly certain every single parent in the world asks themselves after every parenting action, "Did I do that right? Did I do the best I could? Will I help them? Will I hinder them?" and so on. I guess I'll just do my best to try to live in the moment. Second guessing the past will do no good most of the time...and my hopes for her future are just that- hopes. It's likely that she'll go a completely different direction than I could ever imagine. It's likely there will be many mistakes, fun, heartache, joy, and surprises (happy and sad) over the course of her life. I'm sure she'll teach me more than I'll ever teach her. I just hope when she looks back on her youth she'll forget my mistakes and just see how much I love her and how much hope I will always have for her future.

Zoe Talks

2009-10-08T18:29:42-06:00

Another taste of Zoe's talking skills. In this video she was particularly chatty. Unfortunately I had just finished taking pictures and switched to video so quickly to catch her mood that I forgot to turn the camera. So, sorry...again, you will have to turn your head to watch!

Happy Birthday Grandpa S!

2009-10-08T18:24:11-06:00

Since we can't be there with you, we recorded a video just for you! Love you lots!

List

2009-09-29T23:03:12-06:00

Updating in list form:

* I haven't posted for several reasons (you will see them as you read on). I've been super busy with work, new responsibilities, and trying desperately to keep up with the housework- easier to keep up than to deal with ransacked house and the end of the week.

* Zoe's had diarrhea for the last 3 days and a super painful, blistering bum-rash as a result. It breaks my heart to change her bum as she cries and screams "Nonononono!" every time I wipe her. It seems to be getting better though.

* This came after two weeks of cutting molars and a month of terrible naps. It's been a struggle to be a Mom lately. Fortunately, she is hilarious and I LOVE her so I have built a well of patience. I'll admit now that it's drying up. I hope she starts napping soon.

* Also in Zoe news (what? I'm home with her ALL DAY, EVERYDAY...what else would I talk about?) She is getting tubes in just-shy-of two weeks. I'm really nervous about the anesthesia and the surgery...but I'm hoping it will prevent multiple ear infections this Winter. I'd love to hear (happy) stories about this if you have them.

* I went the the Killers concert on Saturday with Love- got him the tickets for Father's Day and he said he'd only take me (they're nearly the only band we both like). I have to say, it was one of the best concerts I've ever been to. You hope a band you love will be awesome live and they did not disappoint. We heard a decent opening band (they didn't say their name clearly) and were surprised by a Mariachi band just before the Killers came on. I have to say, I like Mariachi music...it reminds me of home. However, maybe not the best idea at that kind of concert. Finally the Killers came on and from the start (after fixing some technical difficulties) it was a huge rush- literally. We were general admission floor and were fortunate enough to be maybe two rows behind the stage...except when we were nearly smashed flat as the Killers struck the first chord and the entire crowd surged forward. We kept our ground and once we sorted out our centimeters of space everyone was dancing and singing along. The best part was being there with Love...seeing him grin ear to ear was so worth it!

* I have finally (after several weeks of restarting) made it to week two of the Couch-to-5k running program. Knee injuries, sickness, lack of motivation, and general laziness have been my excuses...then I get out there and run and I truly enjoy it. The peace and quiet, the moon lighting my way, the stress relief...all of it. To tell the truth, I was feeling pretty good and had become comfortable with week one's routine. Week two kicked my butt yesterday, but it felt good to work a little harder. I'm certain if I keep at it, I'll continue to feel better about myself, increase my strength, and hopefully lose a little weight and get into better shape for the next pregnancy.

* We are trying again. No luck yet, but this time I haven't concerned myself with it too much. It's only been a couple months. I stay so busy with Zoe, Love, work, housework and with trying to do things for myself (read, run, play the piano, etc) that I can't dwell on it so much. Also, I refuse to be the paranoid person I was then- unwilling to do ANYTHING that could possibly keep me from getting pregnant...living in a cocoon...crying all the time. I don't know if it's because I already have one baby, or because I have doubts about how I will handle two kids, or if I'm just in a better place with myself, but I feel like my mind is healthier this time...it feels easier to let nature take it's course. I wonder sometimes if Love is worried I will become single-minded again. I don't want to...but of course it's early on and I don't know what will happen, so we'll see. I did learn with Zoe that a baby will come when it's time...and no sooner. I just hope I can remember it.

I think that'll do for now. Sorry, this list isn't really a list...I'm sure with very little tweaking I could make it into a regular post...but it's late so it's fine. What have you been up to?

Looking

2009-09-23T17:15:31-06:00

I'm officially starting a search for naptime. It has up and disappeared from our house. Can you help me find it?

Go figure

2009-09-14T16:07:45-06:00

I'll have been in my house for a year come November and the city just came and did the final inspection this morning. Explain that one!

The good news is: I finally have house numbers!

Home ownership is awesome.

Let's Get Movin'

2009-08-31T22:38:13-06:00

Zoe has been taking one or two steps on her own for a week or so, but in the last few days she is a walking machine. Here's a small clip I captured...though she's gone much farther than this!

I don't know if I'm ready for this yet!