Filmfail.com

Going The Distance

dan@filmfail.com (Daniel Rickmers) — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 09:15:48 PDT

Sate your appetites with this here four second review of Going The Distance, starring Drew Barrymore and Justin Long

Vampires Suck Sucks Harder Than Twilight

dan@filmfail.com (Daniel Rickmers) — Thu, 19 Aug 2010 07:15:27 PDT

Vampires Suck is so terrible, so stupid, so un-funny, that I would rather watch Twilight. All the laughs in Twilight come from horribly awkward dialogue and unintentional sight gags, whereas all the laughs in Vampires Suck are PREVENTED by horribly awkward attempts at humor and heavy-handed sight gags AKA people falling down a lot.

Eat Pray Love Makes Us Vomit Atheistic Hatred

dan@filmfail.com (Daniel Rickmers) — Wed, 11 Aug 2010 16:14:56 PDT

Eat Pray Love? More like Eat PREY Love, amirite?

Step Up 3D – The Unintentional Comedy Hit of the Summer

dan@filmfail.com (Daniel Rickmers) — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 07:15:54 PDT

It's been a long time since I laughed at a trailer as much as I did while watching Step Up 3D's trailer. You thought 3D movies were bad (they are) and you also thought dancing movies were bad (they REALLY are) well can you even imagine how bad a dancing movie is IN 3D? No you cannot...

Cats and Dogs: Revenge of Kitty Galore

dan@filmfail.com (Daniel Rickmers) — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 09:08:18 PDT

Reviewed in 4 Seconds! It's like Pussy Galore from James Bond, but they have to say kitty instead of pussy, because they don't want kids thinking about vaginas!

How The Sorcerer’s Apprentice Ruins Your Childhood

dan@filmfail.com (Daniel Rickmers) — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 10:43:16 PDT

It's a live action remake of a Mickey cartoon from Fantasia with 80 minutes of 'splosions...

Why Does “Team Jacob” Even Exist?

dan@filmfail.com (Daniel Rickmers) — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 06:00:45 PDT

Why in God's holy name does Team Jacob exist? It makes no sense that Twilight fans would split between obsessing over a gay glittery vampire and a douchey muscle-head vampire because...

Who is Salt?

dan@filmfail.com (Daniel Rickmers) — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 08:04:29 PDT

Who is Salt? The poster says it's Angelina Jolie, but one can never be too sure...

Let’s Pretend Twilight Isn’t a Bad Movie!

dan@filmfail.com (Daniel Rickmers) — Thu, 01 Jul 2010 14:40:36 PDT

Twilight is your typical story of girl meets sparkly perfect angelic vampire boy, girl is mistreated and stalked by vampire boy, girl falls in love with vampire boy...

Grown Ups – Rob Schneider is a Douche

dan@filmfail.com (Daniel Rickmers) — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 11:38:26 PDT

Grown Ups is one of those horrible movies which will most likely be described as "a riot" or "a romp," because people with no taste in comedy like to use those words to describe things that they think are funny. They are incorrect.

Five Reasons Toy Story 3 Sucks

dan@filmfail.com (Daniel Rickmers) — Sat, 19 Jun 2010 06:00:44 PDT

When Pixar goes from making Wall-E to Up, casually bitch-slapping Dreamworks along the way, people kind of expect...

The A Team

dan@filmfail.com (Daniel Rickmers) — Sun, 13 Jun 2010 07:37:59 PDT

The A Team Reviewed in Four Seconds on Film Fail.

Get Him To the Greek

dan@filmfail.com (Daniel Rickmers) — Wed, 09 Jun 2010 18:51:13 PDT

Get Him to the Greek Reviewed in Four Seconds on Film Fail.

Sucks and the City

dan@filmfail.com (Daniel Rickmers) — Thu, 27 May 2010 17:09:10 PDT

Or should I say, "Sucks and the Shitty"? No. That's just absurd. Speaking of absurd, it's a second SATC movie! Yes, Sex and the City 2 will most definitely be panned by critics (it already has been), and of course...

Shrek Is Finally Over

dan@filmfail.com (Daniel Rickmers) — Wed, 19 May 2010 23:43:06 PDT

Shrek has to kiss the princess or some bullshit like that, and then he does, and then we can all go home with our dignities stripped and our constitutions broken...

Letters to Juliet

dan@filmfail.com (Daniel Rickmers) — Thu, 13 May 2010 13:13:11 PDT

Letters to Juliet is the second letter-based film for Amanda Gayfried, and this one is probably even less interesting than Dear John...

DEUCE: A Short Film About Poop

dan@filmfail.com (Daniel Rickmers) — Thu, 29 Apr 2010 13:49:58 PDT

It's an award winning film...about shit.

Facebook lieks Mudkipz

dan@filmfail.com (Daniel Rickmers) — Tue, 27 Apr 2010 15:00:52 PDT

Now that Facebook has decided to start integrating its system of "likes" into everything, it seems that a number of my friends began lieking the infamous aquatic Pokemon. Observe.

Brendan Fraser is a Furry?

dan@filmfail.com (Daniel Rickmers) — Thu, 22 Apr 2010 12:31:26 PDT

This week on Film Fail, it's an extremely inaccurate Furry Vengeance Review. I think this movie is actually about environmentalism or something stupid and unimportant like that, but who cares?

iPad Wishes for Death

dan@filmfail.com (Daniel Rickmers) — Wed, 21 Apr 2010 13:22:45 PDT

I was checking out the iPad in the Apple store today, and moments after I turned it on, it began to write a very disturbing message. After that, I did what any humane individual would, and I smashed it to pieces with my gigantic sledgehammer, just like the Apple commercials told me to. Reed dis too, luls: No posts for ...