make sure to check out her blog KB in NYC.

Online Dating 101: What I do Know

Some of you may or may not have heard about the dude who is suing Match.Com for sending ‘emails into thin air’ and apparently suffering “humiliation and disappointment” as a result. This story really is precious.

Although the general consensus seems to be that this guy is a loser, that’s not to say that he doesn’t have a point. For one thing, a lot of these dating sites are full of BS and yes, you are sending emails out into an abyss of dating nothingness. I think there is a lot of evidence to suggest this. But I don’t want to get into that here. No, I want to focus on the ‘humiliation and disappointment’ part because people I have lived it. Like hello, I’m fabulous and I’m still not getting asked out online. What’s wrong with you men?

According to dating expert extraordinaire Simone Grant, “It’s NOT you honey, it’s your profile”. Umm, okay. That doesn’t make up for the last year where I hotlisted, winked and emailed anybody vaguely man-like and, more often than not, got no response back. Yeah, talk about a great-big-black dating hole. But the thing is, what makes this worse than poor Mr. Match-Fucked-Me-Over-Loser-Dude, is that the guys I’ve been communicating with ARE real; they’re just not wanting to date moi. And how do I know this? Because these same guys then email and/or date my roommate, or my friend A or my colleague L. Clearly, we are all fishing in the same pond and clearly some people are having better luck than others. I’m just saying.

So, what exactly was wrong with my profile? For one thing, in its latest incarnation (the ‘Summer of Love’ version) I had failed to include a full body shot. Simone was like, “They think you’re fat honey. Despite the great collar bones, they think that below the waist you’re hiding something”. Gosh, who knew. But anyway, I’m not here to give tips on how to write online profiles. Clearly. No, I’m just saying that if you’ve had moments of self doubt while online dating, you are not alone. It really is a hot mess out there.

About the only vaguely useful tips about online dating that I can share with you are the following:

1. Men ALWAYS lie about their height (take 2 inches off, at least)

2. Men OFTEN lie about their weight (think The Builder)

3. Men MORE OFTEN THAN NOT lie about their age. Well, mainly the ones in the 40+ bracket. No, it’s not okay to leave your age at what it was when you first signed up 5 years ago. 44 is not 39, okay?

4. The same goes for the photos. Again, not okay.

Now, don’t get me wrong. There are great men to meet online and there are great dates to be had. But keep an open mind and be realistic. A good example is my best girl L, who got online dating last month. The two guys she’s dated so far have turned out to be real winners. The first one was suggesting a threesome the day after their first date, while guy No. 2 was all about ‘movie night’ at his place (9.5 Weeks, no less - his pick). I think she did unwittingly check the ‘Play’ box but still. She’s like, “I’m not sleeping with these men who you just know have been online fucking for forever”. Not that that’s not okay; it just depends what you’re looking for.

So for now my hopelessly flawed online profile is still up. I thought of suing for ‘humiliation and disappointment’ too but I really don’t have the time. Besides, I live in hope that there is still more online man action to come (whatever that may mean).

Happy online dating to you all.

Last week I was unable to make it to a single CrossFit class. I had meeting and functions everyday after work. Now, I realize I have to change my schedule to the 5:30 am class. I used to work out all the time before work and school, so this won’t be a problem, I just hate how your body gives out on you so early. There were many nights I was knocked out by 8pm. (I once slept through a huge party watching a PPV boxing match. Fell asleep on the couch, and woke up completely embarrassed when everyone asked me if I was OK, and I had to explain I had been up since 4:30 am.) Night life, au revoir.

The positive side of things are clothes fitting loosely and jeans I haven’t worn in 2 years now fit. The scale is only showing 8 lbs lost which is still frustrating, but at least I am seeing signs of the hard-work I have put forth.
I am also implementing no eating after 7pm policy. I have done that the last couple of days and woke up a little hungry in the middle of the night, but I have practiced it before and it works.  I am also allowing myself to have some sweets once or twice a week.  I still have some cravings and don’t want to completely deny my body.

So as I am getting healthier and dropping the LBs I want to get a little something as a reward for my hard-work.   I have made a list of things I want for the next 10lbs.  I like doing one small thing and one large thing every 10 lbs. 

minus 5lbs = massage                                                

 minus 10lbs = Tom Ford Sunglasses

Paris recently showed their Fall 2009 Haute Couture shows and hands down Christian Dior was my favorite.  Classic 1940s feel with bright colors and fabulous detailing.  Dior showed breathtaking jackets that were matched with undergarments, and large richly colored (and mostly feathered) hats were matched with equally bright suits made for the woman who is confident and in-charge.  Valentino presented clothes filled with lace and feathers, but the shoes were more memorable than the clothes themselves.  Jean-Paul Gaultier showed many suits I would  place under work wear for the modern CEO, and Armani Prive sent one gorgeous gown after another down the runway.  Major disappointment this season: Elie Saab, an endless number of white dresses, nothing too creative, but no doubt they will be seen on many red carpets.

All photos courtesy of style.com

We initially planned for dinner, but every few days or so I’d get an email from my date suggesting alternate plans. He finally asked me to meet for drinks first. I thought, Wow, drinks and dinner? This is going to be a super-long date. What if I don’t like him after the first ten minutes? All you seasoned daters who are reading this can see what my future had in store for me, but I was completely clueless.

When we met he was cuter in person. We talked in the back of the restaurant for a while and he asked me about my job, where I lived, lots of basic questions- something I’m very familiar with as I tend to do that on dates myself. It’s a simple way to avert the attention on yourself, which is something I loath to do.

After we finished our drinks we headed out of the bar, I asked him if he was ready for dinner. He stopped, looked at me, and said, “Oh wow is it 8 already? You know, I’m just not feeling any sparks.”

I stopped for a second. “Huh?” It took me a few seconds to realize that the drink invitation was the test before moving onto dinner, and apparently he didn’t want to continue this date. Wow. Honestly, I wanted to pat my belly and say, “Don’t care! Momma’s hungry!” But I didn’t. So we said our awkward goodbyes and I sat in my car.

The first thing that went through my head is, “What did I do wrong?” Is it universal to immediately think that when someone isn’t interested in you? I think yes.

But when I think back to the guys I didn’t call back after the first date, there were tons of reasons why I didn’t pursue them. I wasn’t physically attracted. His personality wasn’t clicking with mine. He had a twitch. Touché.

So now, having been on the opposite end of the rejection stick, the big question is: do you prefer someone to tell you they’re not interested in you to your face, or would you rather receive the “thanks, but no thanks” email/text afterward? OR, would you rather not receive a call at all?

On the night of the date I settled in at our table and waited until he finally arrived minutes later,and out of breath. It was raining and he had no umbrella, so he jogged to the restaurant. The first 10 - 15 minutes were a bit awkward because he was catching his breath and was a little drenched. I think he may have had some jitters too, so it felt good to be the calm and confident one. He looked good — he was bald (my new type!) in a button down black shirt and jeans.

We talked about our weekends, our family, our jobs — all the really good and safe first date topics. It was refreshing to have such light and easy conversation. He was very social and had a great laugh. He’s a fan of Family Guy, which is a show that I absolutely love. The only comment he made relationship-wise was that  he is usually attracted to tall, white women with colored eyes, which is me in a nutshell!

At one point during dinner, I guess I had a crumb on my lip and he discreetly let me know by motioning to it on his own lips and I really appreciated that subtle gesture.  We later talked about a second date at another that he liked in the neighborhood. The night ended early around 9:30 and with only two glasses of wine! I had a tiring weekend, and couldn’t handle any more liquor! He walked me to my car and gave me a hug and we said we’d be in touch. I definitely would like to go out with him again. He’s very social and lives up to his name. It was a great first date — light and easy, not too long or awkward, and it left me wanting more.

If you ask a woman what are some of the best qualities a man can have, she will always respond confidence in her top three choices.  There is just something about a man who knows what he wants and is willing to build a bridge to get there.  It’s just so damn sexy!  Well for this Update Wednesday it is all about confident men who know what they want.  Ms. Green finds her own Mr. Confidence who won’t let a little rain keep him from his object of desire, and we have Ms. Purple who finds a Professor who confidently knows when it just ain’t working.

photo courtesy of www.boards.ie

Here I am, 3 years since I threw out my last scale and I made the trip to Bed, Bath, and Beyond to purchase a new one.  First thing I learned, I gained 2 lbs since PALEO free San Diego.  Let me tell you, once you are off the PALEO wagon it’s difficult to get back on, but here I am getting back on.  Every morning I will log my current weight, what I weighed the day before, how much lost/gained, and how much more to lose. Throughout the day I will write what I ate, the time, and mood.

Countdown to Clockwork Orange continues.

P.S. I am incorporating turkey meatballs back into the diet.  I am now over chicken.

I entered back into the gym after 1 week of feeling sick.  I am not fully recovered but I like working out too much to stay away.  Killer work out today consisted of dead-lifts and pull ups via gymnastic rings. (My body hates me now).

Good news amici.  I am down  6-8 lbs. depending on the scale.  Bad news- I still don’t look like Iman.  Either way I am staying strict with Paleo before my big trip to San Diego  this weekend.  (The city that has blessed the world with its Carne Asada Fries.)
When I asked Emily, the trainer, about doing 2 a-days (2 workouts a day), she suggested it wasn’t worth it.  The more I work out the more hungry I would get and the higher chances of making bad choices. So I am sticking to a strict Paleo diet. but I am taking a break from the tuna and meatballs.  I feel sick when I try to eat them.  My body wants something else. (Is this why I ate a lot of breads yesterday?)