Thank you,
Mark Zuckerberg
CEO
Facebook, Inc.
*Sent from my Nigeria office*

AHOY! There be more DIY ahead!

The days are just PACKED WITH NOMS.

Check out more at Anna The Red’s site!

Yesterday’s playable Moog Google doodle (anyone who calls it a “Moogle” will be shot) inspired a lot of performances, but the one that stood out was this cover of Daft Punk’s Aerodynamic, as played by Brett Domino.

No really, he did. Personally I’d have him above Miley Cyrus but hey that’s just me.

From the submitter: “This is how I roll!”

I wish I rolled this hard and so do you, viewer. Don’t lie.

Not pictured: Zooey Deschanel asking Siri if she really can part her tomato soup like Jim Carrey in Bruce Almighty.

Trunk? Check. Junk? Mega check.

I love a twist ending!

It figures that a Nokia phone would be impervious to nails.

These are, quite possibly, the most MARVELous cocktails I’ve seen in a long, long time. I know what I’m drinking this weekend!

That’s right, kids! The popular music marketed by old white men 30 years ago is FAR SUPERIOR to the popular music marketed by old white men today! Spread the word!

SUIT VERY CHEAP, HULK NOT MADE OF MONEY AFTER ALL.

Let’s say you spend ten minutes a day on the pot at work. Five out of seven days a week are work days, which makes 260 days a year. Subtract two weeks (ten work days) for paid vacation and throw in some more off days for holidays, and you end up with around 240 work days left over. Based on this, if you work at a job for 10 years at the median American personal hourly income of $16.57 an hour (source: U.S. Department of Labor) working a typical eight hour day, that adds up to $132.56. Based on our ten-minute average (or 1/48 of a work day), that’s $2.76 earned for every poop session. Multiply that by the work days in a year, and the years in a career, and voila:

You would earn $3,314.00 in a five-year career while pooping.
You would earn $6,629.00 in a ten-year career while pooping.
You would earn $13,255.00 in a 20-year career while pooping.
You would earn $26,512.00 in a 40-year career while pooping.

If you saved these earnings over a 40-year time frame with tax exemption as long as the funds aren’t withdrawn, based on today’s mutual fund NAVs, your savings would total just shy of $103,000.

That’s enough to cover the median sales price of houses in six states.

Time for a bathroom break!

Alright, everyone pack up their Timeline and go home. There’s nothing more we can do with it.

Just joking, ‘Canada’ and. ‘Scary’ shouldn’t be in the same sentence together (see what I did there?).

Science has dropped.

That’s my favorite Nicholas Sparks novel!

They might have a different word for it in some places, but douchebaggery is international.

And just like that, condensed into three minutes, a hockey stadium becomes a basketball stadium. Cool stuff!

This is one of those situations where everyone is in the wrong in too many ways.

The only speakers at my graduation were our class valedictorian and the Dean of the Law School.

They both have those terrifying blue eyes and a soul born in 1928!

“Shut up kid, Bill O’Reilly is on!”

You might feel cruel for laughing, but there’s no excuse for making a Facebook page for someone who’s negative months old.

Ooh, but it’s five for a dollar! Shouldn’t have spent all my money on beer! Plus I’m drunk, so it’ll taste good…

Look! It’s your childhood! And for Americans who thought they were the only ones who remember this ’90s television entertainment touchstone, Will Smith’s recent appearance on the Graham Norton Show proves them wrong.