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Horror DVD Releases – Week of September 7th, 2010

Corey — Tue, 07 Sep 2010 17:31:24 +0000

(descriptions from BestBuy)

Supernatural: The Complete 5th Season (2009)
The fifth season begins with Lucifer (Mark Pellegrino) being set free from hell and appearing on Earth, and Sam and Dean learning that Castiel was killed by the archangels.

Ghosts Don’t Exist (2009)
A prominent television ghost hunter announces his retirement, but agrees to investigate one last haunting when a terrified client claims to have irrefutable evidence that ghosts truly exist.

The Spell (2008)
A woman finds her last hope may reside in a mental hospital in this drama based on a true story. Jenny has felt abandoned throughout her young life, but she finds contentment when she begins to dabble in witchcraft. However, her experience with black magic soon takes her further into despair, and she may only have one option left.

Il Medaglione Insanguinato (1975)
The Cursed Medallion may not be a household title, but it certainly has received generous airplay on the many UHF television stations throughout the land. The titular medallion is a gift presented to young Nicole Elmi. Once the girl places the gift around her neck, she is possessed by the spirit of a dead child. Actually, it’s worse than that: the deceased youngster was a murderess. Richard Johnson and Joanna Cassidy are the “name” stars in this internationally produced chiller-diller.

Growth (2009)
Twenty years after a mysterious outbreak claimed the lives of everyone at the Advanced Parasitic Development at the Cuttyhunk Island Research Facility as well as most of the civilian population of the island, a woman who managed to narrowly escape infection discovers that the bug is much more resilient than scientists previously it credit for when she returns home to sell her parent’s abandoned property. Now the parasites have evolved, and they can slip into any human orifice impossibly fast. If they manage to find a human host to carry them out of the danger zone, there’s no telling how long it would take before the infection starts to spread all across the planet.

New to Blu-Ray

SAW Greeting Cards Written by John “Jigsaw” Kramer

Corey — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 20:43:30 +0000

this week i’m re-watching the entire SAW series, and while doing so i’ve given some serious thought to the film’s antagonist, jigsaw. in addition to being a serial killer, jigsaw is a man of many, many talents. he is a world-class engineer, electrician, doll-maker and puppeteer. he has in-depth knowledge of human anatomy, physiology and the limits of human endurance. he is more than a competent computer hacker, surveillance specialist, video/audio editor and graphic designer.

given this extensive resume, had he chosen another profession other than ‘really, really incredibly complex death-trap designer,’ he surely would have succeeded. personally, after listening to his various recorded messages left for victims which are often delivered in beautiful and flowery prose, i think john “jigsaw” kramer may have missed his calling as… (wait for it)… a greeting card writer.

sure, maybe he would have made more money as an architect, locksmith or interior decorator… but i really think this is a profession where he could have really excelled. below are a few examples (using dialogue from the first film) of what it might have looked like, had he followed this career advice.

get well soon

dental

housewarming

happy birthday!

No related posts.

Horror DVD Releases – Week of August 31st, 2010

Corey — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 14:54:48 +0000

(descriptions from BestBuy)

Tormented (2009)
An emotionally tortured teenager returns from the grave and promptly makes life hell for those who ostracized him, in this jet-black horror comedy with echoes of Carrie At the center of the British secondary school in question is Justine (Tuppence Middleton), a pampered, elitist rich bitch. Following the suicide of a bullied classmate – overweight, asthmatic Darren Mullett (Calvin Dean) – Justine tries to wheedle her way into the “in crowd,” whose members are every bit as snotty and obnoxious as she is, and strikes up a torrid affair with Alexis (Dimitri Leonidas), the most popular boy in class. For a time, everyone assumes that Darren is dead and gone; then his corpse begins turning up and gruesomely picking off the bullies, one by one.

Dead Eyes Open (2008)
A group of twenty-somethings set out across Germany in a cramped van and find themselves stranded in the middle of nowhere after running out of gas. Upon encountering a murderous maniac the group flees to a secluded farm house, only to discover that their nightmare has just begun.

Red Riding Trilogy (2009)
The first installment of the Red Riding Trilogy, 1974 follows rookie newspaper crime correspondent Eddie Dunford (Andrew Garfield) as he encounters police corruption while investigating a chilling series of child abductions in Yorkshire, England. Adapted from British author David Pease’s best-selling series of crime novels centering on the mystery of the Yorkshire Ripper, 1974 was quickly followed by 1980 (directed by James Marsh), and 1983 (directed by Anand Tucker).

Girls on the Road (1973)
Thomas J. Schmidt directed this little-known exploitation film getting a second life on video thanks to a double bill re-release with Werewolves on Wheels as part of the “Golden Age of Leather” series from Anchor Bay. After an unusual credit sequence featuring busty cult starlet Uschi Digart, the film follows the story of two girls (Kathleen Cody and The Fifth Floor’s Diane Hull) on their way to a hippie encounter session run by Ralph Waite (The Waltons). They pick up a crazed Vietnam veteran (Michael Ontkean from Twin Peaks) who has grainy flashbacks in both black & white and distorted color, aside from having a bipolar mood disorder. He might just be the serial killer who is murdering hippies in Waite’s peaceful village by the ocean, and the average viewer will figure out the answer in less than ten minutes. Familiar faces in this rather dull Fanfare International drive-in dud include Charles Picerni, Ruth Warshawsky, and Paul Sorenson. Schmidt, who had been working in films since the mid-’60s, died in 1975 with this his only credited feature as director.

Point of Terror (1971)

Thriller Complete Series (1973)

New to Blu-Ray

As a Format, VHS Kinda Sucked

Corey — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 21:42:38 +0000

last night i caught bits of a twitter debate about the relative merits of vhs tapes versus dvd. back in the day i had a gigantic vhs collection, and i look back on it with fond nostalgia. however, around 1999, i welcomed the arrival of our new digital overlords with open arms and have never looked back. while i don’t own a vcr, i think i still own 2 or 3 vhs tapes from the hundreds (maybe thousands) i once had (including TOM SAVINI’S SCREAM GREATS) — but apart from a few nostalgic hold-outs, i gave up on vhs years ago.

i do miss the days of the mom-and-pop video stores with their huge, over-sized vhs boxes and titillating cover art. far be it from me to condemn someone who continues to collect vhs tapes and even prefers (gasp!) to watch them over more modern formats. everyone’s got their thing, and if that’s yours — more power to you. however, while i may be nostalgic for my teen years spent browsing the aisles of videovision and carbonated video, nostalgia is where my affection for vhs ends because truth-be-told, i love dvd and blu-ray with a warm, gooey love that i can barely keep appropriate in public. with that in mind, i present to you a list of reason why, when properly divorced from nostalgia, it’s clear that vhs sorta blew.

rewinding

while there is actually such a thing as a dvd rewinder, they’re not strictly necessary. after years of rewinding and fast forwarding vhs tapes and, in some cases, even paying a $1 fee for failing to remember to “be kind and rewind” at your favorite video store — the concept of not needing to rewind a movie might come as a bit of a shock to you. for those of us that were big fans of the slp/ep speed setting (giving us six, and in some cases, EIGHT hours of recording time on a single tape), countless hours spent shuffling spools of black shiny tape from one little plastic ring to another have been wasted… hours we will never get back. thank the gods for digital media and it’s ability to jump from one section of a film to another almost instantaneously. how we ever lived another way, i will never understand.

special features

while vhs tapes did occasionally have ‘making-of’ docs and the like, it was nothing compared to what we have now. with documentaries, subtitles, multiple soundtracks, commentary tracks, etc. being almost standard for any film release — it’s hard to argue that vhs wasn’t a hobbled format. some of these (like subtitles) are so insanely useful and standard that they’re not really even ‘special’ anymore — they’re expected. personally i’m a huge fan of commentaries, so when a disc features one (or, in some cases, as many as FIVE), the amount of value i get out of owning a disc increases phenomenally. the only vhs i recall having a commentary was an edition of EVIL DEAD II which, of course, had to come on two tapes — one for the film with the original soundtrack, and one for the commentary.

video/audio

if the goal of watching a film at home is to attempt to replicate the theatrical experience, then it’s obvious why dvd has replaced vhs as a format. with 5.1 (or more) digital surround sound and crisp, clean video — vhs didn’t really stand a chance. while i would be the first to admit that there are horror films that might genuinely be more effective on a grainy vhs tape (HALLOWEEN leaps to mind), in general the increases in video and audio quality of modern formats is a blessing for film buffs. if you really want to replicate the vhs experience but don’t want to dig out your vcr, simply put cotton in your ears and try not to look directly at the television while squinting really hard. that should come pretty close to watching the same film on vhs (and may even give you a headache of the same variety).

moving parts

i don’t know if that long plastic piece on the back of a vhs that protected the magnetic tape has a name, but i’m sure you remember numerous occasions where that little fucker broke off and you were left with a semi-functional movie, a long, useless piece of plastic and a small, silver spring. weren’t those the days? you also likely remember when the tape would get all tangled in the heads of your vcr, and the particularly horrible “sckrunch!” sound your vcr would make as it ground to a halt while shredding the film you were about to watch. if you were really lucky, that tape was a rental so then you (or, more likely, your parents) had to pay the video store for damages ($99.99 for a copy of GATOR BAIT II, my ass!).

yeah… dammit, i sure miss that.

deterioration

there’s nothing quite like a format where you know that every time you watch a particular movie, the quality will degrade. admittedly, it took quite a few viewings… but every time you watched that bootleg of PHANTASM II you taped off hbo, it got just a little bit grainier. i remember trying to watch a vhs copy of SUSPIRIA a few years ago that basically looked like static vomited on by a preschooler who had just eaten a box of red and blue crayons. which is exactly how argento intended it to look, i’m sure.

taping over the tab

for many of us, our first experience with engineering and problem solving came from figuring out how to use our sister’s store-bought exercise video as a blank tape to record HALLOWEEN III. the vhs format came with a bit of particularly devious copy protection known as “the plastic tab.” if the tab was missing or broken off, there was absolutely no possible way to record anything on that bastard. unless, of course, you had a piece of tape, a crumbled up piece of paper, some lint, or really anything at all.

they were HUGE

i was never really sure why in the early 80s the over-sized vhs boxes were popular because vhs tapes are, in and of themselves, already obnoxiously large. i suppose vhs worked ok for a single movie, but can you imagine trying to have the entire six-season run of LOST on vhs? you’d have to rent an apartment just for it. i remember having a large portion of the first few seasons of THE X-FILES on vhs. it took up, like, half the damn bedroom.

tracking

without a doubt, the thing i will miss least about vhs tapes is that obviously-satan-engineered dial/button on the front of the vcr simply labeled “tracking.” like television rabbit ears but so much worse, messing with the tracking could become a constant irritation throughout an entire film if you were dealing with anything but a brand new tape. watching that thick line of distortion crawl across the screen as you moved the dial and then, just as you thought it had vanished and you’d gotten everything perfect, watching it pop up at the other side of the screen… yeah, that was an eff’ing blast.

so, yeah. that was vhs. it was great while it lasted but, ya know… it’s probably best that we’ve moved on. like an old girlfriend, we can think back on her with fond remembrance… but let’s not forget that if she were still around, she’d be quite the bitch to deal with and we’re probably better off without her.

Horror DVD Releases – Week of August 24th, 2010

Corey — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 16:58:12 +0000

(descriptions from BestBuy)

Survival of the Dead (2009)
A group of rogue soldiers seek shelter from the zombie apocalypse on scenic Plum Island, only to become caught up in a bitter feud between two warring families. Sarge Crocket (Alan Van Sprang) and his motley crew of military abandoners are searching for a safe place to rest when they cross paths with Patrick O’Flynn (Kenneth Welsh). O’Flynn has been banished from Plum Island, where his family is locked in a longtime quarrel with the Muldoons. The O’Flynns see the flesh-eaters as subhuman, never hesitating to put a bullet between their eyes; the Muldoons balk at the prospect of killing their gut-munching loved ones, instead opting to care for their rotting kinfolk until scientists find a cure for the undead scourge.

Squeal (2008)
When their tour bus breaks down in the backwoods, a bickering rock band is forced to fight for their lives against a hungry pack of genetically mutated pig-men.

Dorian Gray (2009)
A vain London playboy offers his soul in exchange for eternal beauty in this adaptation of the chilling tale by author Oscar Wilde. Seduced into the decadent world of Lord Henry Wotton (Colin Firth), handsome young aristocrat Dorian Gray (Ben Barnes) becomes obsessed with maintaining his youthful appearance, and commissions a special portrait that will weather the winds of time while he remains forever young. When Gray’s obsession spirals out of control, his desperate attempts to safeguard his secret turn his once-privileged life into a living hell.

Metamorphosis (2008)
Three American researches traveling through the Carpathian Mountains must solve an ancient puzzle in order to defeat a powerful vampire and uncover the shocking secret of Elizabeth Bathory, the most notorious female vampire who ever lived. Upon encountering an ethereal stranger, the weary travelers make their way to an eerie mountain castle, where they discover that some legends are far too terrifying to be fiction.

Autumn (2009)
Death blows in on autumn winds in this apocalyptic zombie shocker featuring David Carradine. The virus came so fast no one had time to prepare. Before the day was over, entire towns were decimated, and large cities became monumental tombs. Left with nothing but fading hope and the will to live, reclusive software consultant Michael (Dexter Fletcher) and temperamental mechanic Carl (Dickon Tolson) lead a small group of survivors into the country in hopes of riding out the coming winter. But now the decaying victims of the plague are reanimating, growing more smart – and vicious – with each passing day.

Ninjas vs. Zombies (2010)
Three slackers use their ninja fighting skills to battle an army of the living dead after a dearly departed friend returns from the beyond and begins reanimating corpses.

The Haunting of Sorority Row (2007)
A college freshman rushes the coolest sorority on campus, uncovering a dark secret about their secretive hazing rituals as she digs for information on a former pledge who vanished without a trace.

Devil’s Diary (2007)
A curious group of small town high school students discover a malevolent diary with the power to manifest any evil written in its pages, sparking a wave of terror that soon threatens to engulf their entire community.

The House That Jack Built (2008)

New to Blu-Ray

Horror Community Highlights – August 20, 2010

Jon — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 17:23:54 +0000

Visceral Visionaries: Krystal Fancey Beck
The Vault of Horror
“Our irregular look at artists throughout the universe of horror returns this time around with a gifted illustrator who has truly made the most of her prodigious talents, channeling them into the creation of all manner of chilling chotchkies.”
There’s No Place Like Horror: Top Ten Killer Homes I’d Move Into Tomorrow
Kindertrauma
This is a really terrific tribute to the architectural splendor of horror films. Also, be sure to check out another take on this idea at Fascination With Fear.
13 things to love about Friday the 13th
Vegan Voorhees
Just when I thought I knew all the reasons why I love this franchise, this post reminds me that part 2 has “the coolness of the blurry, floaty head of Mrs Voorhees.” Check out all the other equally cool reasons why this franchise rocks.
Top 10 Worst Films Reviewed At The Lair
The Lightning Bug’s Lair
The Lightning Bug’s lair has turned two, and has been offering some really terrific retrospectives to celebrate, including this one
How To Use Eccentric Poltergeist Quotes in Everyday Life
The Horror Digest
This is the most hilarious list of ways to act strange and inappropriate that you’re likely to read.
The Non-Horror Films of Legendary Horror Directors
All Things Horror
Wes Craven “also made a drama starring MERYL STREEP.” WTF?
Images of Film: Shadowplay
Arbogast on Film
This is part of a meme that asks horror bloggers to choose a series of images that illustrate what they love about horror. Arbogast’s selections are both elegant and sinister.

email suggestions for next week’s community highlights to jon@evilontwolegs.com

The Crazy Old Kooks of Horror

Jon — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 20:36:44 +0000

When it comes to character types in horror films, the final girls and their assorted sidekicks get most of the attention. But what would horror films be without the ubiquitous crazy old kook? Without them we’d all be DOOMED, I tell you, DOOMED! Here’s a list of my favorites.

Mr. Diehl, from The Children of the Corn

Aside from running the world’s worst gas station, Mr. Diehl’s purpose in this film is to warn Burt and Vicki to stay the hell away from Gatlin in the most cranky way possible. And the fact that he has no gas at his gas station, or telephone, and won’t let them use his restroom, is a clear signal that Burt and Vicki will be on their own for the rest of the film. As the last surviving adult in the area, his death symbolizes the end of any morality or normalcy that once governed the children. His death, in other words, means that the already freaky children of Gatlin are about to get a lot freakier.

Memorable quote: “Well, folks in Gatlin’s got a religion. They don’t like outsiders, and they probably don’t have a phone there either.”

Old Man Cadwell, from Cabin Fever

Cabin Fever is a strange but enjoyable mash-up of about every genre of horror and exploitation film you could think of. It feels like a slasher film (even though it’s not) in part because of the presence of Old Man Cadwell and his cohort of locals who harangue the kids partying in their woods. Cadwell is actually rather likable with his strange elfish voice, Santa Claus beard, and hillbilly-style hospitality. Still, his friendly nature is probably a thin veil for something more sinister, and it gives the film an appropriate sense of tension early on. After all, he appears to be a racist, he’s selling guns in his general store, and he seems a little detached from reality. Plus, he and his cohorts look like they know they’re way around a lynching. His main purpose in the film, however, is to provide it with a subversive sense of humor. I won’t spoil the punch line here, but the entire film is sandwiched between a bizarre joke that challenges his redneck stereotype. He is also kind enough to warn the kids about the perils of spilling the bottles of fox urine for sell in his store.

Memorable quote: “Oh Lord, don’t drop that! If you do, that’s powerful stuff! All the foxes around would come down here. You’d have friends like you’d never had before.”

Sylvia Ganush, from Drag Me to Hell

Typically, the crazy old kook in a horror film tries to warn those who refuse to listen or take their warning seriously. Other times, they provide the film with a sense of local color or sinister atmosphere. Sylvia’s character is a deliberate subversion of all that. She’s reminiscent of the classic Gypsy in films such as Dracula or Wolf Man. In those films, a wise and powerful Gypsy offers guidance and protection to the film’s protagonist. In this film, Sylvia symbolizes old-world beliefs and values in a cynical modern world, and she’ll have her revenge against those who won’t respect her. In doing so, she proves that crazy old kooks can be just as deadly as any monster or masked slasher.

Memorable quote: “I beg and you shame me?”

Mrs. Bundy, from The Birds

My favorite Hitchcock film actually has two crazy old kooks. The first is the town drunk who performs the time-honored old kook role of being the herald of doom as he drunkenly proclaims that it’s “the end of the world” throughout the film. But the more important kook is Mrs. Bundy, an amateur ornithologist. I’ve always taken her androgynous appearance to be a symbolic contrast to the more glamorous and sexualized Melanie Daniels. But more than that, she is the voice of reason in world gone crazy, and reminds everyone who’ll listen that the local birds are not capable of conspiring in an organized attack against the town. Unfortunately for the town, but fortunately for film history, she’s wrong about all that.

Memorable quote: “I have never known birds of different species to flock together. The very concept is unimaginable. Why, if that happened, we wouldn’t stand a chance! How could we possibly hope to fight them?”

Reverend Sayer from Halloween 4

If you were to combine Captain Ahab, Jerry Falwell, and Otis the town drunk, you’d have a pretty close approximation of Reverend Sayer. Like any self-respecting kook, Sayer takes his religion very seriously, and he’s determined to cleanse the world of a rather vaguely defined evil he’s been chasing for years. He was probably a competent minister at one point, especially given the fact that he provides Dr. Loomis with solace and a much-needed morale boost. But Sayer is also tormented by his own personal demons that all the whiskey in heaven or earth will never drown.

Memorable quote: “I’ve been huntin’ the bastard for 30 years, give or take. Come close a time or two. Too damn close! You can’t kill damnation, Mister. It don’t die like a man dies!”

Crazy Ralph, from Friday the 13th

Crazy Ralph is the cloth from which all other crazy old kooks are cut. He’s got all the classic attributes. He’s bonkers and claims that God has given him a special mission to warn everyone about Camp Crystal Lake and its “death curse.” He’s eccentric and rides around on an dilapidated blue bicycle. He’s as ornery as they come and seems to especially dislike teenagers. If you want to get all fancy about it, you could argue that he symbolizes the failures of a rational, adult world that can’t protect or connect with the youngsters in the film.

Memorable quote: “Doomed! You’re all doomed!

Horror DVD Releases – Week of August 17th, 2010

Corey — Mon, 16 Aug 2010 21:45:07 +0000

the highlight of this week’s releases is THE LOST SKELETON RETURNS AGAIN, the sequel to larry blamire’s hilariously unique parody of 1950s b-movies, THE LOST SKELETON OF CADAVRA. if you haven’t seen the latter, seek it out… if you have, then queuing up the sequel should be a no-brainer.

this isn’t really new to dvd, but i thought it worth mentioning that lars von trier’s exceedingly creepy and character-driven series THE KINGDOM just popped up on netflix watch instantly. split into two mini-series, series one and series two are both available. part E.R., part THE GRUDGE, THE KINGDOM follows the drama surrounding several doctors and patients residing in a haunted hospital. far superior to stephen king’s watered-down and barely recognizable americanization of the series (cgi aardvark, wtf?), the original version of THE KINGDOM is well worth checking out.

(descriptions from BestBuy)

The Lost Skeleton Returns Again (2009)
A tongue-in-cheek jungle adventure shot in Super Skeletorama, director Larry Blamire’s sequel to The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra follows Reet Pappin (Frank Dietz) deep into the Amazon in search of a priceless new mineral known as Jerranium 90. Venturing into the green inferno, Reet knows that in order to find the source of Jerranium 90, he will first have to find Dr. Paul Armstrong, a once-brilliant scientist turned cynical alcoholic. Finding Dr. Armstrong won’t be easy, so in order to get the job done Reet invites Armstrong’s wife Betty and Dr. Roger Fleming along for the mission. Later, it’s revealed that Dr. Fleming has come into possession of an item that seems to belong to the Lost Skeleton of Cadavra, and the group ventures into the famed Valley of the Monsters, where they encounter a secluded breed of jungle-dwellers who may be able to help them find what they’re searching for.

Dark & Stormy Night (2009)
Writer/director Larry Blamire (The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra, Trail of the Screaming Forehead) returns to the helm with this parody of 1930s-era old dark house films, presented in glorious black and white, and featuring every character stereotype and story cliché that kitsch fans have come to associate with these estate-bound frighteners.

Dexter: The Fourth Season
When Miami Metro uncovers a string of homicides and connects them to a well-known photographer, Dexter turns his focus on this new perpetrator in hopes of taking a shot at bringing him down. But Quinn’s interest in Dexter’s nocturnal pursuits puts a crimp in his plan. Meanwhile, the Trinity Killer is still at large and Harry urges Dexter to stay with the case.

Burning Bright (2009)
An autistic twelve year old boy and his older sister battle a Bengal tiger in a boarded up house as a massive hurricane blows into town, dashing any hope of a hasty escape.

Ki-Ki-Ki Ma-Ma-Ma

Corey — Fri, 13 Aug 2010 14:47:03 +0000

happy friday the 13th!

because i’m a giant dufus, i forgot to plan ahead and write some new content for this super-special holiday… so instead, here are a few links to some of our old friday the 13th related posts that don’t suck too much!

Horror Film Quotes With The Word “Pants” Inserted: Near Dark Edition

Corey — Tue, 10 Aug 2010 00:33:21 +0000

“It ain’t what’s goin’ on, son. It’s what’s comin’ off. Your pants. Clean off. ”

~ Severen

“You’re not gonna look so good… with your pants ripped off.”

~ Jesse

“I’m down to my last inch of pants!”

~ Severen

“You have any idea what it’s like to be a big man on the inside and have a small pants on the outside?”

~ Homer

“It’s pants-lickin’ GOOD!”

~ Severen

“Normal folks, they don’t spit out pants when you shoot ‘em, no sir.”

~ Loy Colton

“I’m gonna knock your pants out your asshole. What do you think of them apples, huh? ”

~ Severen

“Caleb, fasten your fuckin’ pants belt!”

~ Severen

[other pants posts]

Horror DVD Releases – Week of August 10th, 2010

Corey — Mon, 09 Aug 2010 15:25:24 +0000

(descriptions from BestBuy)

Sea of Dust (2009)
First time director/screenwriter Scott Bunt pays tribute to the classic Hammer Studio films of yesteryear and the stylish shockers of director Mario Bava with this gruesome tale of an oppressive evil that washes over a small village of innocents.

Twisted Brain (aka Horror High) (1974)
Also known as Twisted Brain, Horror High is a no-budget fright flick set in — you guessed it — a high school. Nerdy student Pat Cardi is picked on by everyone in the free world: his parents, school bullies, pretty girls, even the school janitor. Spending a lonely evening in his basement lab, Cardi creates a serum that turns him into a monster. Here’s the crayons…fill in the blanks as to what happens next.

Nightmare Alley (2007)
Experience seven horrifying tales to chill the blood and rot the brain. Host Scarlet Fry takes viewers on a dark journey that could prove deadly for the faint of heart.

Office of the Dead (2009)
A terrified group of office workers fend off an army of the living dead after an experiment designed to transform unhappy employees into content, productive laborers instead turns them into flesh-eating zombies.

Horror Community Highlights – August 6, 2010

Jon — Fri, 06 Aug 2010 21:19:51 +0000

Cracking the Shell of the World
Poets.Org
This is a detailed, scholarly article on the often strange marriage of poetry and horror film.
Top 10 Pre-CGI moments in Horror
BLOGNAME
If you are like me and you get all nostalgic for the “days when effects where grafted with good old latex, sweat, fake blood and of course sticky tape,” then this post is for you.
Halloween In August
Zombos’ Closet of Horror
Check out Zombos’ Closet for lots of great posts celebrating Halloween in August, or keep your eyes glued to your favorite horror blogs, as there’s a good chance they might be participating in this.
Cemetery Man at the Museum of Arts and Design
Love Train for the Tenebrous Empire
It’s cool that Cemetary Man is getting some props from the art world. But what caught my eye was this sentence: “Much like the work of the Surrealists, this film forces one to experience the sexually appealing and the grotesque in one gulp.” And with that sentence, I STRONGLY sustpected I was going to love this post. And I was right.
Stock Background Characters 101: Macho Asshole
Vegan Voorhees
“No killer or final girl profiles here, this is a celebration of those underlings who made the most of their fleeting flirtation with stardom. And usually died.”
Review: “Limbo”
Horror Squad
This is a very good review of a very good game. In fact, Limbo may well be a perfect video game, especially of the platform and puzzle-solving variety. Horror fans will like its nightmarish minimalism and often creepy ambience.

email suggestions for next week’s community highlights to jon@evilontwolegs.com

Butcher Knives & Body Counts

Corey — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 19:05:42 +0000

a few months ago, an essay i wrote about my childhood experience with THE PROWLER was accepted into the slasher film anthology BUTCHER KNIVES & BODY COUNTS, published by DARK SCRIBE PRESS. the collection should see print this fall, and looks to be a ridiculously in-depth study of the slasher genre with contributions from over 70 authors, covering more than 80 films released between 1932 and 2009. the book will not see print for several months, but the cover was completed recently, which you can see below. for those interested (and if you’re reading this site, i’d wager you will be) i’ve also included the most current list of contributors and films the book covers, although i would suspect that list is subject to change until everything is finalized.

Films Covered:

Thirteen Women (1932)
Terror Aboard (1933)
The Ninth Guest (1934)
And Then There Were None (1945)
Peeping Tom (1960)
Psycho (1960)
Blood and Black Lace (1964)
Corruption (1967)
The Fiend (1971)
Twitch of the Death Nerve (1971)
The Abominable Dr. Phibes (1971)
The Last House on the Left (1972)
Theater of Blood (1973)
Black Christmas (1974)
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)
Deep Red (1975)
Schizo(1976)
Assault! Jack the Ripper (1976)
The Hills Have Eyes (1977)
Suspiria (1977)
Halloween (1978)
Savage Weekend (1979)
Inferno (1980)
Mother’s Day (1980)
Maniac (1980)
Don’t Go in the House (1980)
He Knows You’re Alone (1980)
Prom Night (1980)
Terror Train (1980)
Motel Hell (1980)
Friday the 13th (1980)
Friday the 13th, Part 2 (1981)
Nightmare (1981)
The Prowler (1981)
Happy Birthday to Me (1981)
The Burning (1981)
The Funhouse (1981)
Night School (1981)
Hell Night (1981)
Halloween II (1981)

The Fan (1981)
Visiting Hours (1982)
Humongous (1982)
Slumber Party Massacre (1982)
Curtains (1983)
Sleepaway Camp (1983)
The House on Sorority Row (1983)
Butcher, Baker, Nightmare Maker (1983)
Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)
A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)
A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge (1985)
The Hitcher (1986)
April Fool’s Day (1986)
Opera (1987)
Blood Diner (1987)
Stagefright (1987)
Intruder (1989)
Candyman (1992)
Dr. Giggles (1992)
The Untold Story (1993)
Scream (1996)
Urban Legend (1998)
Psycho (1998)
American Psycho (2000)
Valentine (2001)
Session 9 (2001)
House of 1,000 Corpses (2003)
Saw (2004)
Hellbent (2004)
Hostel (2005)
Wolf Creek (2005)
Hatchet (2006)
Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon (2006)
Halloween (2007)
Sweeney Todd (2007)
Prom Night (2008)
My Bloody Valentine 3-D (2009)
The Hills Run Red (2009)

Contributors:

Anthony Timpone
Don D’Auria
Harley Jane Kozak
Kim Paffenroth
Bryan Norton
R.B. Payne
Scott Bradley
Nate Southard
Michael Louis Calvillo
Mark Onspaugh
Jason Walters
Lucien Soulban
Martel Sardina
R.B. Payne
Shawn Rutledge
John W. Morehead
Steve Rasnic Tem
Carl Hose
Michael Hacker
Jason V. Brock
Michael Potts
Tory Lowe
Adam Nakama
Stacie Ponder
Jason S. Ridler
J.C. Hay
Dominic McDonagh
Paul Milliken
Jeff Allard
Amanda Reyes
John Michael
Mike Petrucelli
Ross Horsley
Corey Lafferty
John Chandler
Camille Alexa
S. Michael Wilson
H. F. Gibbard

Michael G. Cornelius
Andrew J. Wilson
Adam Rockoff
Adam Green
Jack Ketchum
Lee Thomas
Stephen Graham Jones
John Skipp
Cody Goodfellow
Jeff Strand
Gregory Lamberson
Lisa Morton
James Lowder
Peter Tennant
Gary McMahon
John Llewellyn Probert
Lynne Hansen
Mike McCarty
Garry Charles
Paul Milliken
JG Faherty
Richard Dansky
Connie Corcoran-Wilson
Dustin La Valley
CJ Lines
Mike Bracken
Lance Vaughan
Jude Wright
David L. Tamarin
Nick Cato
Amanda Bumgarner
Stephen Bacon
Joe Nazare
Rachel Kendall
Aliya Whiteley
Johnny Kalangis
Jesse Baget

Horror DVD Releases – Week of August 3rd, 2010

Corey — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 21:17:08 +0000

(descriptions from BestBuy)

Secrets of the Clown (2007)
His sanity crumbling after his best friend is brutally murdered, a small town man begins to experience frightening visions of sadistic clowns, and suffer from gruesome nightmares that haunt him every night. Jim and Bobbie were best friends; now that Jim is gone, Bobbie seems lost. When Bobbie calls on a psychic to help make sense of his increasingly disturbing visions, horrifying secrets that were long thought buried slowly begin clawing their way to the surface.

Spike (2008)
A young woman must rescue her friends from a bizarre beast that won’t stop tormenting them until he has claimed her as his own in this dark fairy tale that’s not for the faint of heart.

After.Life (2009)
Young couple Paul (Justin Long) and Anna (Christina Ricci) are toying with the prospect of marriage when they have a chance encounter with Eliot (Liam Neeson), a mysterious undertaker who claims he can speak with the dead. When Anna becomes caught in the otherworldly realm between life and death, she risks being buried alive. Will Eliot help her, or is he being driven by darker motivations?

Open House (2008)
A woman trying to move on with her life is thrown into a potentially deadly situation in this independent thriller. Alice (Rachel Blanchard) has just broken up with her husband and has decided to sell the house they shared. Alice has been showing her home to prospective buyers when a strange couple sneaks into the house, David (Brian Geraghty) and Lila (Tricia Helfer). David and Lila are psychotic murderers who promptly kill a friend who was visiting Alice; Lila orders David to murder Alice as well, but for some reason he hesitates and instead locks her in a crawlspace in the basement. Over the next several days, David and Lily engage in kinky sex and pretend to live a life of bourgeois domesticity while slaughtering anyone who makes the mistake of stopping by the house.

New on Blu-ray

Stuff I’ve Been Watching (Human Centipedes and Boring Zombies Edition)

Corey — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 20:15:24 +0000

THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE (FIRST SEQUENCE)

i rarely get horror movie related questions at work, despite being known as “the horror guy.” the exception to that rule happened earlier this year when i was asked on no less than four occasions if i’d seen THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE. usually the questions basically boiled down to “omg! i heard about this sick, depraved movie i can’t even imagine a normal person wanting to see called THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE. have you seen it yet?” like everyone else, my interest was piqued by the film’s central concept because it is undeniably disgusting and bizarre, but also so instantly understandable that it’s oh-so-easy to describe to shocked friends and co-workers. the film itself is not nearly as shocking as it’s premise as most of the graphic details are left to the imagination. however, the core of the story still revolves around sewing people’s mouths to other people’s anuses — so it’d be difficult for the film to not be shocking, no matter how much restraint the director used. while not a great film, THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE is entertaining, well-acted and about as enjoyable as a film about pooping in other people’s mouths could be.

TRIANGLE

part re-telling of an ancient myth, part twisty time travel cluster-f, deciphering an exact linear explanation for everything in TRIANGLE would be a daunting task. in many ways though, piecing that together would be a waste of time… the film is more about appreciating the puzzle rather than solving it. at its core, TRIANGLE is about human subjectivity and the futility of trying to fight our own nature. while you may not be able to understand and even abhor the actions of a future you when seen from the outside, once you’re put in the same situation, you’ll inevitably make the same choice. we’re all stuck in a predictable pattern of behavior determined not by gods on high, fate or a clever screenwriter… but by our own graces and flaws, acting themselves out over and over again. smart, creepy and filled with plenty of “wtf?” moments, TRIANGLE is well worth searching out.

THE BOX

while THE BOX certainly features a box as a central plot point, a more accurate name for the film would be WACKINESS: THE MOTION PICTURE. i have little idea what happened in this film, but even less understanding of what it meant or why i should care. this film goes in so many bizarre directions and is so ultimately unsatisfying, that i’m utterly perplexed at how it ever got made. still, it’s a refreshing change from the scookie-cutter sci-fi trash we’re usually being spoon-fed, so i will at least give it props for trying something new.

NEVER SLEEP AGAIN: THE ELM STREET LEGACY

i’m a bigger jason fan-boy than freddy, but this documentary is easily superior on almost every level to the similarly structured HIS NAME WAS JASON doc released last year. slick, polished and comprehensive, this impressive documentary succeeded in both increasing my enjoyment of the ELM STREET series and reminding me of why i loved it in the first place.

TRANSYLMANIA

there are few films that are, to me, truly unwatchable — but this is one of them. after less than twenty minutes, my opinion of the film is probably a rather unfair critique because it is based on only 20% of the film, but holy hell did that 20% suck. unfunny to the point of being aggressively so, i felt had no choice but to order the TRANSYLMANIA disc to exit my player and march itself back into its netflix envelope. i was prepared to use force if necessary, but TRANSYLMANIA seemed to understand my reasoning and went quietly.

SURVIVAL OF THE DEAD

I admire romero for avoiding large studio productions and sticking to his independent roots. say what you want about his zombie films, but each is undeniably his own. DAY OF THE DEAD remains my favorite of the films, but it’s been a fairly steady decline since then, hitting a low point for the entire series with SURVIVAL OF THE DEAD. i’m not sure why romero thought the focus of the series should turn to two old guys arguing over whether zombies could be taught to eat farm animals, but that’s about all i got out of this film. i’ve seen positive reviews, some even calling it a return to form for the series, so maybe i’m in the minority here — but i found SURVIVAL completely unsatisfying. it’s not necessarily a bad film… but like DIARY before it, it just seems to lack any sense of joy or energy and seems content to just quietly sit and spin in a mess of shallow metaphors and uninspired social commentary.

Horror DVD Releases – Week of July 27th, 2010

Corey — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 19:07:14 +0000

(descriptions from BestBuy)

Don’t Look Up (2008)
Director Fruit Chan (Dumplings) takes the helm for this remake of Ringu director Hideo Nakata’s 1996 shocker about a film crew that unleashes a malevolent supernatural force after discovering footage of a woman’s murder. As the production gets underway in Transylvania, director Marcus Reid gradually realizes that his set is cursed, and begins digging to get to the bottom of the bloody mystery. Henry Thomas, Kevin Corrigan, and Eli Roth star.

I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle (1989)
Bad taste slasher-movies never had it so good. In this horror/comedy movie, the film’s hero purchases an antique motorcycle. Somehow, the bike gets a taste for blood, and behaves in every respect just like a traditional vampire (shunning crucifixes, etc.). It also has a taste for human and animal flesh, and is given to dismembering its victims.

The Burnt House (2009)
A young couple seeking a fresh start following the death of their infant son finds old secrets starting to resurface and the horrors of the past threatening to repeat themselves after relocating to a remote house in the country.

Atom Age Vampires (1961)
A less-stylish variant on Franju’s classic Les Yeux Sans Visage, this low-budget Italian production borrows heavily from that film’s plot to tell the tale of a scientist who employs a radical new procedure to restore the beauty of a young hoochie-koochie dancer disfigured in a car accident. All goes well after the bandages come off… but after all, this is a horror film, and it’s only a matter of time before the young lass begins transforming into a monster — which, despite the title, is not really a vampire, but more like something resembling an overcooked pizza roll with eyes.

Atomic Brain (1964)
This weird, morbid little sci-fi thriller stars Marjorie Eaton as a filthy-rich but decrepit old widow who has devoted much of her wealth to funding the dubious (to say the least) scientific research of Frank Gerstle, who has constructed a mad lab in the widow’s basement in order to perfect a technique in which an infusion of atomic energy (or something) will enable him to transfer the widow’s brain into a young and sexy physique.

Neighbor (2009)
A psychotic girl (America Olivo) turns an upscale neighborhood into a suburban slaughterhouse by breaking into random homes and torturing anyone unfortunate enough to be around when she shows up.

The Uninvited (2009)
This offbeat supernatural thriller concerns a young woman (Marguerite Moreau) with a clinical history of severe agoraphobia, relieved via close physical proximity to walls. For years she has been healthy, but the mental illness returns with a vengeance when spirits turn up in her remotely-situated house and begin to ravage her over the course of one long and grueling night.

Ray Bradbury’s Chrysalis (2008)
A group of scientists conducting underground flora research in the wake of World War III encounter a disturbing development in this sci-fi drama based on a story by celebrated author Ray Bradbury. One of the scientists is experiencing a bizarre physical transformation. Could his mutation signal a new era in human evolution, or is it a harbinger that mankind’s reign on planet Earth has finally come to an end.

Beyond the Darkness (1979)
Joe D’Amato, notorious director of numerous Euro-porn epics, manages to exploit even more perverse theme material in this necrophiliac love story about a disturbed young taxidermist so bereaved over the loss of his fiancee that he exhumes and preserves her corpse to keep him company. When the stuffed cadaver no longer offers erotic satisfaction, he sets out with the help of his spooky housekeeper to find a new bride, murdering any prospects who don’t measure up to his twisted standards — or sometimes just for the fun of it — and dissecting them in his convenient in-home mortuary. As grotesque and graphic as this film may be, it is made all the more grim by its straightforward dramatic presentation (as if this were no more than a slightly off-kilter romantic tragedy), with atmospheric photography and a moody score by Goblin.

New on Blu-ray

The Prowler (1981)

Most Memorable Horror One Liners Part Two

Jon — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 14:36:30 +0000

In part one of this contest, I presented the catchiest, funniest, and most all-around bad ass one liners in horror. In part two, things get a little stranger….

Most Unintentionally Funny

Second runner-up:

“I’m not going to let Simon hurt ya. Why should he have all the fun?”

– Simon, from Simon Says

One thing is for certain about this very odd movie – Crispin Glover throws himself into the title role with all the reckless, crazy-ass abandon he can muster. His version of a southern accent makes this one-liner downright hi-larious. It’s as if Jed Clampett or one of the characters from Hee Haw has suffered brain damage, developed a speech impediment, and gone crazy.

First runner up:

“Get to the CHOPPA!”

– Dutch, from Predator

Half the dialogue of any given action film consists of lines like this (e.g., “come on!” or “let’s go!”), but this is another line that still cracks me up twenty years after hearing it for the first time. I think it’s because Arnold is so serious, so earnest in his delivery. He may not have intended it, but it’s pure comedic genius.

Winner:

“We’re not talking about any ordinary prisoner, Hoffman! We are talking about evil on two legs.”

– Dr. Loomis, from Halloween 4

It should be obvious that I love this quote. Loomis’ hysterical hyperbole always strikes my funny bone in ways I don’t think he intended.

Creepiest

Second runner-up:

“One of us! Gooble gobble, gooble gobble! We accept her!”

– The freaks, from Freaks

Todd Browning’s 1932 classic is still one of the most unsettling films I’ve ever seen. He uses real sideshow freaks and spends the first half of the film making them seem entirely sympathetic and “normal.” And then he brilliantly undermines all of that in the bizarre ceremony scene in which the freaks accept the beautiful, and now horrified, Cleopatra into their secret community. Plus, the phrase is freaky enough to be used by the Ramones in “Pinhead,” and that’s good enough for me.

First runner up:

“A boy’s best friend is his mother.”

– Norman Bates, from Psycho

This quote is especially creepy given Norman’s particular relationship with his mother’s corpse, but any way you slice it, it’s just not something a normal fella ought to say, especially when he’s trying to impress a girl.

Winner:

“It rubs the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again.”

– Jame “Buffalo Bill” Gumb, from The Silence of the Lambs

The way he uses “it” as a personal pronoun, and the way he says this in nearly perfect lines of iambic tetrameter make it clear that Bill may be crazy, but he’s the Shakespeare of creepy phrasing.

Cheesiest

Second runner-up:

“Listen to them. Children of the night. What music they make.”

– Count Dracula, from Dracula

Bela Lugosi is the gold standard of vampires. Lugosi plays the part with an interesting sense of decadence and dandyism, but this line always strikes me as particularly flamboyant. And if Lugosi’s delivery is cheesy, then Gary Oldman’s delivery of this line 60 years later with that weird accent of his is the mucho-nacho-cheesiest.

First runner up:

“Going my way?”

– The Djinn, from Wishmaster

I’m pretty sure Mae West used this as a daring, sexy catchphrase in the 1940s. Why anyone would include this in a film half a century later is beyond me. It’s like saying “we’re not in Kansas anymore” (which was actually used in Avatar). People, seriously, stop it!

Winner:

“Welcome to prime time, bitch!”

– Freddy, from A Nightmare on Elm Street 3

The original line was supposed to be “You’re on TV now, girl,” so Englund’s improvisation is a definite improvement. Still, it’s a really goofy thing for anybody to say, especially for a killer who’s supposed to be adept at psychological terror.

Horror DVD Releases – Week of July 20th, 2010

Corey — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 19:29:02 +0000

(descriptions from BestBuy)

2001 Maniacs: Field of Screams (2010)
The fine, upstanding cannibals of Pleasant Valley clash with the cast and crew of an obnoxious reality show after taking the Guts n’ Glory Jamboree on the road in director Tim Sullivan’s blood-soaked sequel.

Galaxy of Terror (1981)
Also known as Planet of Horrors, this film follows a group of astronauts as they travel into space to retrieve the survivors of a spaceship crash. When they arrive on the planet, the crew runs into some hostile aliens who attempt to gorily wipe them out.

Forbidden World (1982)
Fans of outrageously bad drive-in fare from New World Pictures will find much to love in this bargain-bin science fiction weirdness — one of several Alien rip-offs foisted on defenseless audiences by Roger Corman’s legendary B-movie factory. The plot — which, of course, is irrelevant to the action — involves a food-research team on a distant planet, whose latest genetic product decides it would rather eat than be eaten…and boy, is it hungry.

Sutures (2009)
A group of friends fight for their lives after falling afoul of a predatory surgeon and a psychotic businessman who deals in the black market organ trade.

New on Blu-ray

Evil Aliens

Horror Community Highlights – July 17, 2010

Jon — Sat, 17 Jul 2010 17:35:58 +0000

Before They Were Famous
Horror-Movies.Ca
Long before she was being chased by dark haired aquatic ghosts, Naomi Watts was in Children of the Corn 4. I never knew that. Now I do.
Exploitation Movie Posters
The Golden Age of Comic Books
If you’d like to see the movie posters for Boy Slave, Blonde Bait, and I Was a Teenage Frankenstein (and why on earth wouldn’t you?) then check out this post.
There’s a Hair in my Mouth! Or, Why Vampires Make Better Boyfriends
The Bloodsprayer.Com
I’ve been hoping that Sookie can make it work with vampire Bill and not fall for her new, hairer love interest Alcide. And this post gives me reason to hope.
The Ending to Signs Was Fine
The Paradise of Horror
Aside from the superb film Unbreakable, I’m not a fan of M. Night Shymalamadingdong, but I agree that the ending to this film really isn’t as bad as people make it out to be. It’s certainly not as bad as anything in The Happening.
Everyone Has The Willies!
The Horror Digest
I’ll admit that when I saw the first list of “top ten willy inducing moments” I did not think it had anything to do with horror. But as disappointed as I might have been at first, this is a really terrific roundup of the top ten moments in horror film that scare bloggers the most.
BJ-C’s Favorite Boob-Related Deaths
Day of the Woman
If the title of this post doesn’t compel you to go read it right now, nothing I can say here will either.

email suggestions for next week’s community highlights to jon@evilontwolegs.com

Most Memorable Horror One Liners Part One

Jon — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 20:46:39 +0000

I watched the original Predator a few days ago, a film I adored as a kid, but hadn’t seen since then. I was pleasantly surprised by how much I STILL enjoyed it. The characters are outrageous and exaggerated but likable, the story is simple, and the action is well-paced. But it’s the incredible one-liners that make the film so much fun to watch. Inspired, I decided to hold a contest to determine the best and the worst of horror film one-liners. Even though some of these one-liners tried to bribe and flatter their way into my good graces, I assure you I remained objective and scientific in my selections. Stay tuned for part two of this contest, in which I’ll present the cheesiest, creepiest, and most unintentionally funny one-liners in horror.

Catchiest

Second runner-up:

“Dog will hunt!”

– Chop Top, from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2

Arguably one of the most verbal villains in horror, Chop Top’s dialogue is a non-stop series of insane, degenerate, and incredibly catchy one-liners. The band Primus even sampled this particular phrase for their opus “Jerry Was a Race Car Driver.”

First runner up:

“Here’s Johnny!”

– Jack, from The Shining

I love it that this line was already a famous catchphrase long before the film. But it belongs to Jack Torrence now, forever… and ever… and ever. Much like the way “Helter Skelter” belongs to Manson and not the Beatles.

Winner:

“Groovy.”

– Ash, from Evil Dead II

Nearly every line from this movie is memorable (i.e. “let’s head on down into that cellar and carve ourselves a witch”), but it’s this line that stands out in my mind as capturing the tone and tenor of the film and Ash’s resilient nature so perfectly.

Most Bad Ass

Second runner-up:

“Zombies, man. They creep me out.”

– Paul Kaufman, from Land of the Dead

It’s Dennis Hopper’s delivery of this line that makes it so bad ass. The fact that he says this just as he’s flippantly picking his nose somehow makes his character all the more callous. It’s as if he regards the zombies simply as a personal nuisance that stand in the way of his bigger plans and ambitions. Romero’s recurring theme is that humans are no better than the zombies they fight, and Kaufman’s character makes that message all the more clear.

First runner up:

“I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass…and I’m all out of bubblegum.”

– Nada, from They Live

I’ve heard that this line was not part of the film’s script, but was ad-libbed by Rowdy Roddy Piper. This makes sense, as I can’t imagine any screenwriter, no matter how tough, coming up with something so unbelievably bad ass.

Winner:

“I ain’t got time to bleed.”

– Blain, from Predator

The original Predator is so freaking macho that when I watched this as a kid, I’m pretty sure I had to shave the next day. This famous quote from that film should be included in every dictionary under the phrase “bad ass.”

Funniest

Second runner-up:

“Send… more… paramedics.”

– zombie, from The Return of the Living Dead

Romero turned zombies into a metaphor for cogent social commentary. Dan O’Bannon turned zombies into stand-up comedians.

First runner up:

“Psychos do not explode when sunlight hits them, I don’t give a fuck how crazy they are.”

– Seth Gecko, from From Dusk Till Dawn.

This film is mostly a long series of one-liners, but this one still makes me laugh every time I hear it. It also perfectly defines Seth’s calculated coolness.

Winner:

“I’m not great at farewells, so, uh… that’ll do, pig.”

– Tallahassee, from Zombieland

I love the way this film combines horror and gore with humor and sentiment. This quote perfectly captures the awkward and strange but ultimately endearing relationship between Tallahassee and Columbus.

Used Horror DVDs

Corey — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 18:51:35 +0000

i recently moved, and while packing/unpacking/organizing all of my dvds, it quickly became apparent that my collection had grown beyond what most (including my wife) would consider “a reasonable size.” to remedy this, i took a rather large selection of my dvds and put them for for sale on amazon. my collection spans the full spectrum of genres, but (as you’d probably expect) the majority of those for sale are horror.

as a “thank you” to those that visit our little site, if you happen to find anything that strikes your fancy, please email me at corey@evilontwolegs.com either before or just after placing your order and i will include in your shipment, free of charge, a dvd of your choice from the rest of my collection priced $4 or cheaper (which is most of them). just email me the title you’d like free, and i’ll slip it in the envelope with your order.

or you could just email me to let me know i’m insane for getting rid of something with as awesome a title as BLOOD RANCH. which, obviously, i am.

corey’s amazon storefront

Horror DVD Releases – Week of July 13th, 2010

Corey — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 15:07:59 +0000

(descriptions from Netflix & BestBuy)

Parasomnia (2008)
In this sinister twist on the Sleeping Beauty legend, an innocent beauty suffering from a rare sleep disorder falls victim to a menacing mesmerist and serial killer who draws his vast arsenal of hypnotic weaponry to take control of her fragile psyche.

Unearthed (2004)
A young archeology professor discovers a mysterious extraterrestrial artifact that sparks an underworld war in this sci-fi thriller starring Tom Savini. With a trigger-happy cop closing in on one side and an otherworldly vigilante giving chase on the other, the archeologist must uncover the true origins of the artifact, and ensure it doesn’t fall into the wrong hands.

[Netflix Watch Instantly]

Scream Girls (2008)
A group of bullying schoolgirls band together to battle the avenging spirit of a classmate whose death they caused during a cruel prank. In the wake if the students tragic death, whispers of her imminent begin to circulate through the school. Convinced that they will be the target of her wrath once the ghost gains enough power to strike back, the girls responsible for the fatal prank prepare for a frightening supernatural confrontation.

Killer Car (2008)
A group of students rent a car for a road trip into the country, and discover that the vehicle is possessed by the malevolent spirit of its former owner once they’ve reached their secluded destination.

Radiant (2005)
Four people suffering from mysterious, chronic medical conditions flee into the desert after being mistakenly infected with an experimental virus, allowing the germ to work its way through their systems as they resist every attempt to be captured and quarantined.

Primal Rage (1990)
This blood-soaked, stomach-churningly gory Italian horror outing is set on a college campus in Miami and chronicles the grisly aftermath that occurs when a student is bitten by a lab animal and turns into a voracious, man-killing beast.

Two Ways To Kill Friends With An iPhone: Axe-a-Friend and App of the Dead

Corey — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 19:01:30 +0000

i was recently on a road-trip and spent a lot of time fiddling around with my iphone. between games of peggle and teaching talking carl obscenities (which is far more fun than expected), i discovered two horror film themed apps that i thought i’d draw your attention to: MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3D: Axe-a-Friend and George A. Romero’s App of the Dead.

My Bloody Valentine 3D
Axe-a-Friend
FREE

George A. Romero’s
App of the Dead
$1.99

both of these allow you to depict the subject of photos in your phone as having shuffled off the mortal coil — although in the case of App of the Dead, there is additional implied shuffling since your friends and loved ones are now zombies. Axe-a-Friend allows you to choose a photo and then, by waving your phone in the air, swing a virtual pick axe into your friend’s face (complete with blood splatter).

here you can see the results of loading a picture of jon (evilontwolegs.com writer and all-around-nice-guy) into the app and giving it a few good swings.

and here’s my schnauzer, mulder…

and keyboard cat.

App of the Dead similarly allows you to depict friends as dead, but gives you much more control. you can choose various zombie scars, wounds, weapons and body parts to add to your photo, and the app allows you to resize and rotate these to your heart’s content. additionally, it also include an interactive function, as after you’ve created your perfect zombie — there’s an optional handgun button to splatter their brains.

here’s jon, again…

and keyboard cat.

use of these apps isn’t restricted solely to friends, pets and internet memes though — you can get all meta if want, and do things like…

use george a. romero’s app on george a. romero…

or use the MY BLOODY VALENTINE app on harry warden…

or kill tom atkins with an axe while tom atkins is being killed with an axe…

or, create a cross over where harry warden kills george romero…

or george romero kills harry warden!

as is true of everything related to the awe-inspiring device known as the iphone (each of which, as we all know, is lovingly hand-carved for apple by blind monks from unicorn horns) — the possibilities are endless.

Horror DVD Releases – Week of July 6th, 2010

Corey — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 14:16:51 +0000

(descriptions from Netflix & BestBuy)

Salvage (2008)
After washing ashore in a metal shipping container, a mysterious monster begins tormenting the residents of a small community. Despite a mandated quarantine, single mother Beth (Neve McIntosh) courageously leaves her home to find and protect her teenage daughter. Lawrence Gough directs this intelligent British horror movie that takes viewers on an intense thrill ride thanks to generous helpings of gore, violence and mayhem.

Bitten (2009)
Lonely graveyard shift paramedic Jack (Jason Mewes) rescues a pretty vampire from certain death, and finds himself falling for her despite the fact that she can’t control her murderous impulse to feed. The more intense their relationship grows, the more obvious it becomes to Jack that his first true love could also very well be his last.

The Familiar (2009)
His faith shaken following his wife’s death, reclusive widower Sam grows increasingly attracted to his doe-eyed sister-in-law Laura, who is slowly being taken over by a powerful demon. Now, in order to save Laura’s life and free himself from the grip of evil, Sam must resist temptation and confront forces beyond the realm of human comprehension.

Recycled Parts (2007)
A fun night out on the town turns into the worst kind of horror imaginable in this gruesome independent shocker. Friday night: Los Angeles, California. Five teens are cruising the streets in search of a popular nightclub when a desperate, pregnant woman dashes out of the darkness, and straight into their path. It all happened so fast there was no chance to hit the breaks, and as the women lies dying in the street, the friends argue over whether they should help her, or flee the scene.

God of Vampires (2007)
Taking its cue from old John Woo films and Sam Raimi’s early indie-horror outings, God of Vampire tells the tale of Chinese vampires and their bloodthirsty rise to the top of the food chain. Shot on weekends over an 8-year period of time, director Rob Fitz realized a dream by finishing the film, taking it to the top of some horror site’s best of lists as it made the horror convention rounds in 2007.

Horror Community Highlights – July 2, 2010

Jon — Sat, 03 Jul 2010 00:35:11 +0000

The Book of the Undead, Part Two: Ce Rosenow Reviews Ryan Mecum’s Vampire Haiku
Poetry and Popular Culture
If you are still reeling over the latest installment of the Twilight saga, then check out Ryan Mecum’s new book of vampire haiku. It’ll calm your frayed nerves.
Horror Movies That Catch a Bad Rap
The Vault of Horror
This is a terrific list of films that do not deserve their bad reputation. Case in point: 30 Days of Night. It’s violent, stylish, and another perfect antidote for anyone who was forced to watch Eclipse.
Suck it Up: Fund Zombie Girl’s New Movie!
The Zed Word
If you’re still feeling nauseous and uncomfortable after seeing Eclipse, then here’s one more chance to feel all better. Support Zombie Girl’s new vampire movie!
The Legacy of The Thing
The Paradise of Horror
This post wraps up “The Thing Week” at the Paradise of Horror by examining just how indebted the horror franchise is to John Carpenter’s masterpiece.
Ocean Drive Weekend (1985): Myrtle Beach Days for the First Day of Summer
The Lightning Bug’s Lair
I’ve been going to North Myrtle Beach every summer for the past 25 years, and, somehow, I NEVER knew about this horror film that takes place on its famous sea-side strip. My summer just got even better.
Ipso Facto – Documentaries of the Slasher Realm
Vegan Voorhees
The only thing I love more than horror films, are documentaries about horror films. This list gives an excellent overview of some of the more interesting ones.
More Talk About Pet Sematary and IT Remakes
Horror-Movies.ca
I’m not so sure we need a remake of Pet Semetary, but I would LOVE see a proper film version of IT.

email suggestions for next week’s community highlights to jon@evilontwolegs.com

Free Xbox 360 “Slasher Bear” Naughty Bear Skin Code

Corey — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 21:16:35 +0000

previously i’d written about the freddy and jason-esque pre-order costumes for the new game NAUGHTY BEAR. the game released yesterday, and it is one of the most bizarre games i’ve ever played — sort of a surreal mix of GTA, HITMAN, MEET THE FEEBLES and children’s television. anyway — gamestop gave me not just one, but two of the pre-order codes for the jason voorhees inspired “slasher bear” costume — so i’m passing the second one on to the lucky reader who types it in first. the code is below… please leave a comment if you redeem it, and let us know what you think of NAUGHTY BEAR.

DB9MQ-6GTY3-8T44T-FWTJ3-F9KDB

[code has been used and will no longer work]

Horror DVD Releases – Week of June 29th, 2010

Corey — Tue, 29 Jun 2010 02:10:27 +0000

(descriptions from Netflix & BestBuy)

The Crazies (2009)
When a plane crashes in a small town, a secret biological weapon is released. As the toxic substance infiltrates the local water system, some residents become gravely ill, while others descend into homicidal madness. Sheriff David Dutton (Timothy Olyphant) attempts to set things straight, but soon the military becomes involved in containing the killer virus. Breck Eisner directs this chilling remake of George A. Romero’s 1973 horror classic.

SuicideGirls Must Die! (2010)
In an unscripted “reality horror” plot that pays homage to the pierced and tattooed pinups of SuicideGirls.com, twelve SuicideGirls calendar models find themselves fighting for their lives inside a remote cabin in Maine. Thanks to an array of hidden cameras as well as portable cameras the edgy, sexy, alternative beauties are carrying, viewers get to see their terror firsthand from every angle. Sawa Suicide directs.

The Eclipse (2009)
In this supernatural thriller penned and helmed by award-winning Irish playwright Conor McPherson, Ciarán Hinds stars as a recent widower who begins to sense that a mysterious presence is sharing his house. Iben Hjejle and Aidan Quinn co-star as a pair of novelists whose worlds converge with that of the widower thanks to an international literary festival in Wexford that brings surprising changes to all their lives.

Temptation (2009)
A young professional must choose between death and eternal life after being bitten by a beautiful vampire, and transformed into a blood-drinking creature of the night. I

Blood on the Highway (2008)
A trio of vacationing twenty-somethings experience the fright of their lives when they pull into a remote Texas town populated by vicious but none-too-bright vampires.

Submission of a Woman (1991)
A woman seeks revenge against a depraved psychopath after surviving a harrowing sexual assault. Luisa and her husband Giorgio are preparing for a weekend retreat when their lives are turned upside down in the blink of an eye. Her husband savagely beaten while she and the babysitter watch in horror, Luisa discovers that her nightmare has just begun when the lecherous madman reveals his true intentions. At the end of the day Luisa is lucky to be alive. By the time she finishes with her attacker, he’ll wish he was never born.

Navy vs The Night Monsters (1966)
Monstrous carnivorous trees with dangerously acidic saliva set off from their secret tropical paradise home in Antarctica to eat every human on Earth. Fortunately, the U.S. Navy isn’t about to let that happen.

The Devil Within (2010)
A pool party in the Hollywood Hills becomes a chlorine bloodbath when a crazed killer begins hacking up the young revelers. Serena always looked forward to her 18th birthday, but before the night is over she’ll wish she were never born.

The Brotherhood VI: Initiation (2008)
Aaron Jaeger and Bryan McMullin star in this horror film about a group of fraternity pledges whose initiation turns deadly at the hands of a murderous lumberjack.

Ultimate Machine Girl: 3-disc Collector’s Tin (2008)

New to Blu-Ray

Horror from the Mountain State

Jon — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 17:37:40 +0000

My home state of West Virginia has a violent history. It’s been witness to notorious feuds, such as the one between the Hatfields and the McCoys. It’s been the scene of some of the bloodiest labor uprisings in American history, including an incident at Blair Mountain in which nearly 15,000 coal miners engaged in a week-long battle against company-hired police and federal troops. And West Virginia was the birth place of Hasil “the Haze” Adkins, the founder of psychobilly and horror rock. If this weren’t enough to establish the horror pedigree of the Mountain State, it’s also the setting for a number of contemporary horror films and television shows.

1. Silent Hill (2006)

West Virginia has seen its share of coal mining tragedies, and there are some truly eerie ghost towns scattered throughout the state. In some cases they are the sad result of post-industrialization and a dwindling economy, and in others the result of the coal mining company that owned the town simply deciding to pull up stakes and leave. Or, in the case of fictitious Silent Hill, West Virginia, it’s the result of a horrible coal-mining accident, nightmarish mutant creatures, murderous religious fanatics and one possessed and pissed off little girl.

2. The Mothman Prophecies (2002)

I’ve lived in West Virginia for a long time, and I’m still a bit confused about the state’s most notorious monster. Sightings of the red-eyed, winged Mothman began in the late 1960s near the West Virginia town of Point Pleasant. Somehow, the creature is connected to an old, World War II era TNT factory where it is usually spotted. Its appearance also coincides with UFO sightings and reports of other apparitions, poltergeists, and paranormal activities. In its most famous sighting, the creature appeared hovering above the Siler Bridge outside of Point Pleasant days before it collapsed, killing forty-six people. Thankfully, The Mothman Prophecies leaves out a number of these odd details, as the film is confusing enough without them. Even though I’ve yet to see the creature, the sight of the Mothman statue in the center of town was well worth the drive to Point Pleasant last summer.

3. Wrong Turn (2003)

Even though this film delves into the worst stereotypes associated with my home state, I am a fan of it. I can’t deny that it features some of the most gratuitously violent and perfectly depraved villains you’re likely to encounter in a horror film. And with names like “Three-Finger,” “Saw-Tooth,” and “One-Eye,” it’s clear that the filmmakers are not going for realism here. This is pure exploitation. And I love it.

4. The Silence of the Lambs (1991)

The fact that Clarice Starling is from West Virginia is central to this film’s story. She is the allegorical country innocent who must come to grip with the depravity and evil that exists in the larger world. Also, one of the film’s most important scenes takes place in Clay County, West Virginia, where one of Buffalo Bill’s victims is found with a moth stuffed in her mouth. Starling has to deal with not only the gruesome murder, but also with returning to her own troubled roots, a fact made clear in the awkward funeral home scene. The film is really Starling’s coming of age story, a fact not lost on Hannibal Lecter, who takes a profound interest in her growth and potential.

5. The X-Files

Not only does much of the second X-Files movie take place in West Virginia, many of the episodes from the 1990s do as well. Any time the series needed to get away from the urban sprawl of Washington, DC for someplace more private or gothic, they always ended up in West Virginia. The show also featured their own version of the Mothman creature. And one of my favorite villains from the series was Orel Peattie, a mountain man from West Virginia who practiced an Appalachian version of folk magic grounded in this state’s Celtic and Scotch-Irish heritage.

6 Ghost Hunters (Sci-Fi Channel, 2008)

I live in the town of Weston, where not much ever happens to make the news. But all that changed in 2008 when the popular television show Ghost Hunters arrived a few blocks from where I live to film an episode of their show in Weston’s historic Trans-Allegheny Lunatic Asylum. Built in 1864 and in operation until the 1990s, the asylum was state-of-the-art for its day, and is one of the largest hand-cut stone masonry buildings in the United States. It’s one of the most impressive and also creepiest buildings you’re likely to see, with seemingly endless stone cells, fallen stairways, spiraling towers, and a basement where I’ve been told the criminally insane were housed. For what it’s worth, the folks from Ghost Hunters declared it officially haunted.

Horror DVD Releases – Week of June 22th, 2010

Corey — Sun, 20 Jun 2010 21:49:41 +0000

i was hoping i could get some reader thoughts on the weekly dvd releases post. i started posting them because, for me, the most important info each week is what movies are coming out for purchase and rental. do you find this information useful, or does it simply distract from our other content? if i were to continue posting this list each week, is there other information that would make it more useful (links to amazon, imdb pages, separate links for blu-ray/dvd, etc.)? let me know what you think in the comments section or by email at corey@evilontwolegs.com. thanks!

(descriptions from Netflix)

Wolf Moon (2009)
When a handsome drifter named Dan (Chris Divecchio) blows into a countryside town, Amy (Ginny Weirick) falls for him without knowing anything about his frightening family history: a horrific curse that’s been passed down through the ages. But when the truth comes to light — revealed in part by the arrival of Dan’s father, Bender (Max Ryan) — the locals don’t exactly take a shine to their relationship. Dana Mennie directs.

Thirst (2008)
After wrecking their car in the middle of the desert, two couples find themselves stranded with few supplies. When the heat intensifies and their precious water supply dwindles, the frantic friends begin betraying each other in the hopes of survival. Their civility rapidly deteriorates as they begin to experience overwhelming fear and desperation in this tense drama starring Lacey Chabert, Tygh Runyan, Brandon Quinn and Mercedes McNab.

Horror Community Highlights – June 18, 2010

Jon — Fri, 18 Jun 2010 18:01:33 +0000

The Lucky 13: Week Four: Gore!
The Vault of Horror
This is part of an ongoing round-table discussion on various aspects of the horror genre. This week’s take on the art of “gore” is especially interesting.
Wentworth’s Day, by H.P. Lovecraft
The Horrors of it All
Illustrated and adapted by Russ Jones in 1966, this is Lovecraft’s last known story.
Gimme Five
The Deadly Doll’s House of Horror Nonsense
Forget sequels and trilogies, this is a tribute to horror franchises that make it to number five.
Shalloween: The Cash-Cow of Michael Myers
Vegan Voorhees
Speaking of long-standing franchises, this is an insightful diagnosis of what went wrong with Halloween 5.
Sunday Bloody Sunday: True Blood Edition
Fascination with Fear
Sookie is MINE!
Toys of the Dead
Freddy in Space
My niece has just gotten into Ken and Barbie, so I’m thinking of buying her a toy “Ben” and “Barbara” from Night of the Living Dead to replace them.

email suggestions for next week’s community highlights to jon@evilontwolegs.com

The Graves

Corey — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 14:42:26 +0000

i watched THE GRAVES recently (one of the 8films2die4-iv). despite appearances from fan-favorites tony todd and bill moseley, i just didn’t like the film very much. but don’t take my word for it — THE GRAVES is apparently so bad that the director couldn’t sit through a full screening of it to spell check his own credit.

No related posts.

Horror DVD Releases – Week of June 15th, 2010

Corey — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 01:16:58 +0000

(descriptions from Netflix & BestBuy)

Animals (2008)
After sleeping with Nora (Nicki Aycox), a sexy stranger passing through town, Syd Jarrett (Marc Blucas) undergoes a supernatural transformation that plunges him into a new reality and sparks conflict with Vic (Naveen Andrews), Nora’s angry ex-lover who behaves more like an animal than a man. Eva Amurri and Andy Comeau co-star in this erotic horror flick based on a novel by John Skipp and Craig Spector.

Slaughter Island (2008)
Ten kids are stalked by a murderous force of nature after arriving on an uninhabited island said to be under the spell of a diabolical curse.

The Roommate (2008)
A powerful bond between two roommates is shattered when a malevolent entity transforms one of the women into a demonic murderess. Like any new roommates, their bond was fragile at first. But friendship came fast, and love was quick to follow. Now one of the women is possessed, and in order to stop the bloody cycle of death, her terrified roommate must face her greatest fear.

Terror Inside (2008)
Corey Feldman stars in this thriller about a man who attempts to stop a massive virus after the women he planned to marry becomes one of its first victims. Arriving in a small town to propose marriage to his longtime girlfriend, Allen (Feldman) discovers that all of the locals have been infected with a deadly, and highly contagious virus. Now if Allen doesn’t act fast, the virus will spread like wildfire, infecting the entire planet.

Driller/Driller Killer (1976/2006)
Iconoclastic filmmaker Abel Ferrara made his directorial debut with this gory but fascinating horror tale about a troubled artist (played by Jimmy Laine, aka Abel Ferrara).

New on Blu-ray

The Stepfather (1987)

AFTERMATH pops up on Netflix Watch Instantly

Corey — Fri, 11 Jun 2010 15:30:04 +0000

AFTERMATH, perhaps the most disgusting film ever made (and one of the films on our most disturbing horror films ever made list), has just popped up on netflix watch instantly. the only circumstance i can imagine you wanting to put this on would be a during a really bad blind date you want to get out of fast, but i thought i’d point it out to those of you who are either a) into cinematic endurance tests or b) really, really sick puppies.

Naughty Bear Slasher Costumes

Corey — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 17:59:47 +0000

the idea of store-specific pre-order incentives for games usually annoys me and i don’t think i’ve ever been influenced to buy a game based on them — until now. i didn’t have an overwhelming interest in NAUGHTY BEAR (coming soon to ps3 and xbox360), although i have to admit the idea of being a homicidal teddy bear does sound rather intriguing. now that i think about it… it’s kinda like getting to be a serial killer that lives on sesame street. that’s about the most awesome premise i’ve ever heard — why wasn’t i more excited about this game before?

in any case, what interest i did have has been magnified x10 though by the announcement that amazon and gamestop will be offering exclusive freddy krueger (-esque) and jason voorhees (-esque) bear costumes, respectively, for use in-game on the game’s june 29th release. well played NAUGHTY BEAR… consider my pre-order through gamestop for the hockey mask slasher costume officially placed.

[link to gamestop preorder] [link to amazon pre-order]

Horror DVD Releases – Week of June 8th, 2010

Corey — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 14:54:34 +0000

(descriptions from Netflix & BestBuy)

Shutter Island (2010)
World War II soldier-turned-U.S. marshal Teddy Daniels (Leonardo DiCaprio) investigates the disappearance of a patient from a hospital for the criminally insane, but his efforts are compromised by his own troubling visions and by Dr. Cawley (Ben Kingsley). Mark Ruffalo, Michelle Williams, Emily Mortimer and Max von Sydow co-star in director Martin Scorsese’s plot twist-filled psychological thriller set on a Massachusetts island in 1954.

Women’s Studies (2010)
A highly-secretive women’s academy houses a dark secret in this blood-drenched horror yarn.

Bloodlock (2008)
A couple attempts to recover from a devastating trauma by repairing a derelict house in a small town, only to discover a door in the basement that holds a sinister secret.

Goat Sucker (2009)
A tourist company seeking to capitalize on the latest cryptozoological craze takes a group of hikers on a Chupacabra excursion, only to discover that the savage predator has a taste for more than goats.

New on Blu-ray

Class of Nuke ‘Em High

Horror Community Highlights – June 4, 2010

Jon — Fri, 04 Jun 2010 21:39:43 +0000

The Human Centipede vs. The Very Hungry Caterpillar
The Vault of Horror
If you’re looking for “a comparison of the year’s most controversial piece of scatological torture porn and one of the most cherished works of juvenile literature ever written, then step right up!”
A Nightmare on A-hole Street
Kindertrauma
“So I just watched every NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET film back to back and all I have to say (besides what happened to my life?) is…all the adult residents of Springwood, Ohio are A-holes!”
Taking the color out of horror
Fascination with Fear
A very interesting experiment as to what would happen aesthetically if modern horror films were re-imagined in black and white. The still for Pan’s Labyrinth is especially compelling.
The Eyes Have It
Retro Slashers
Luis Buñuel didn’t get any love for his infamous eyeball scene in Un Chien Andalou, but this is great list of the most memorable eye-popping, eye-slashing, and eye-puncturing scenes in horror.
Slow, Romero! Slow!
The Zed Word
“So, it seems like Romero certainly has a lot of projects on his plate. Is this a good thing?”
The Films I Couldn’t Finish
Vegan Voorhees
“Those who know me well will vouch for my high tolerance of crap. Crap music, crap TV and crap films. But every now and then there’s that straw that breaks the camel’s back.”
Happy Memorial Day from Lost Highway
Lost Highway
Memorial Day Weekend has already passed us by, but still read this list of safety tips that are good for any summer-time holiday, such as this one: “Never go sailing. Sharks are notoriously attracted to sailboats full of laughing teenagers.”

email suggestions for next week’s community highlights to jon@evilontwolegs.com

Where Sequels Go To Die

Jon — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 20:37:34 +0000

Even the most illustrious horror franchise sometimes run out of ideas, and when they do, there’s apparently a rule in Hollywood that you must set your next sequel in either A) outer space or B) the Old West. I’ll admit that if they ever set a Jaws sequel in the Old West, I’d be pretty into it. And space is the place when it comes to scary ghost stories (i.e. Solaris and Event Horizon). Still, taking a sequel to either of these locales is a sure sign the franchise is scraping the bottom of the creative barrel. Here are a few choice examples.

1. BloodRayne II: Deliverance (2007)
The fact that it’s based on a video game, features a vampiric Billy the Kid, and that it’s directed by Uwe Boll are all really good signs that this film is going to suck. It’s not that you can’t mix vampires and cowboys, or that you can’t alter the image of the West’s most infamous outlaw. I love the way Kris Kristofferson plays Billy as a subversive folk hero in Sam Pekinpah’s version of Billy the Kid. I even liked the way Emilio Estevez infused the western legend with a contemporary street-gang ethos. But depicting Billy as the vampire king of a horde of undead cowboys just doesn’t work. Many bad sequels will use their time in space or the Old West to reflect and gain new perspective before returning to the present. Some sequels, such as this one, should stay there and never come back.

2. Jason X (2001)
By the time we got to Jason X, it was clear that the franchise had run out of ideas. Jason had died and been re-animated countless times. He’d been to Manhattan, and he’d been to Hell. So the only thing left was to take him to space. It’s a silly premise, but it kind of works. In particular, the virtual simulation of Crystal Lake is a lot of fun to watch. Ultimately, Jason is a terrestrial creature, but his quick orbit in space did give the franchise a little more breathing room.

3. Hellraiser 4: Bloodline (1996)
My favorite review ofHellraiser: Bloodline puts it this way: “In space, um, no one, um, nevermind.” The film begins in 2127, with flashforwards within flashbacks, and it features things like a giant, laser beam shooting space station called the “Elysium Configuration.” Esoteric would be the academic term for it. Confusing as all hell is probably a better descriptor. Hardcore fans of the franchise like this film because it ties everything together and explains the origins of the various “Configurations.” I find it odd that it took launching Pinhead into orbit to explain it all, but so be it. Call me old-fashioned, but I think the franchise was far better off in that creepy attic from the first installment. Hellraiser 4 did mark the end, in a way, of the franchise, as the rest of the sequels were direct-to-dvd.

4. Tremors 4: The Legend Begins (2004)
Just as it’s a sign that a franchise is in trouble when it moves to the Old West, it’s also a bad sign when a franchise resorts to “origin” stories. In particular, I’m thinking of films such as the altogether lackluster X-Men Origins: Wolverine, but even good films such as Casino Royale prove that the franchise desperately needed the reboot. Tremors 4 in no way lives up to the original, but it isn’t all that bad, and the Old West background makes far more sense and is far more believable than, say, a film that features a Leprechaun in outer space.

5. Leprechaun 4: In Space (1997)
A small part of me admires a franchise that so blatantly and recklessly uses every gimmick in the book—a novelty villain, a “bride of” sequel, a Vegas setting, and then the little green bastard is launched into space. And he should have stayed there, out of harm’s way in lunar orbit, or in a fiery trajectory into the heart of the sun, but in the next sequel, he’s back on earth and in “the hood,”and then in the hood again in that film’s follow up. Being a native and resident of the Appalachian mountains, I am a little bit insulted that we haven’t yet seen a Hillbilly Leprechaun.

Horror DVD Releases – Week of June 1st, 2010

Corey — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 15:43:05 +0000

(descriptions from Netflix & BestBuy)

The Wolfman (2010)
Universal Studios resurrects the classic lycanthrope with this tale of a man who experiences an unsettling transformation after he returns to his ancestral home in Victorian-era Great Britain and gets attacked by a rampaging werewolf.

Killer Swarm (2008)
When a swarm of aggressive black bees with highly toxic venom attacks a heavily populated city, scientists race to develop an antidote and prevent mass casualties.

Easter Bunny, Kill! Kill! (2006)
A sleazy con-man torments a mentally handicapped youngster who’s obsessed with Easter, only to incur the wrath of a murderous lunatic in a frightening rabbit mask.

Slithis (1978)
Also released under the title Spawn of the Slithis, this film follows the terror that strikes Venice, CA, when a terrible, man-eating monster crawls from its radiated home to ravage the nearby residents.

Isle of the Damned (2008)
While searching a remote island for Marco Polo’s legendary treasure, Det. Jack (Larry Gamber), his adopted son, Billy (Peter Crates), and the expedition’s sponsor, Harold (Patrician Rosa), desperately try to evade a vicious tribe of flesh-eating savages hot on their tail. A spoof of 1980s Italian cannibal films, this wickedly hilarious horror movie features plenty of over-the-top gore and gross-out humor.

WARNING: DO NOT READ THIS BLOG POST

Corey — Mon, 24 May 2010 17:12:13 +0000

maybe it’s just because we all have a innate dislike for authority, but whatever the reason — whenever we’re told explicitly not to do something, there’s always a part of us that wants to do that very thing, just because we were told not to. i have never seen a billboard radio station ad that convinced me to tune to that station, except for one i saw on the way to south carolina about ten years ago. the ad was white text on black that simply said “DO NOT TUNE YOUR RADIO TO 99.7 FM.”

it occurred to me recently that horror film advertising (particularly the vhs box art of the 1980s) occasionally uses similar tactics, most often in the form of warning labels such as “WARNING: CONTAINS GROTESQUE IMAGERY AND EXTREME VIOLENCE!,” which are meant to titillate, not serve as a public service message for the faint of heart. “BANNED IN 46 COUNTRIES!” isn’t mean to scare you off, but to draw you in, because obviously something bad enough that a fourth of the civilized world deems it worthy of censorship means that’s something you just have to see! below you’ll find other examples of warning labels on horror films i was able to find after doing a little creative google image searching (and with a little help from ReelyBored, deadlydolls, FreddysFingers and GdL16)…

THE GATES OF HELL
“This film contains scenes which may be considered shocking. No one under 17 should be present.”

PARANORMAL ENTITY
“WARNING: ACTUAL CRIME SCENE FOOTAGE. CONTAINS VIOLENT AND DISTURBING IMAGES.”

MURDER SET PIECES
“WARNING: SHOCKING, HORRIFIC, CONTROVERSIAL.”

BURIED ALIVE
“WARNING”

ANGUISH
“WARNING: CONTAINS SCENES OF [?], SHOCKING CRIMES AND UNRELENTING TERROR”

FACES OF DEATH
“WARNING: If the brutal and explicit depiction of actual death is upsetting to you, please do not view this film.”

FACES OF DEATH
“BANNED! In 46 Countries! WARNING: This feature contains graphic depictions of autopsies, dismemberment, physical cruelty, human combustion and electrocution. It should not be viewed by children, the elderly or the squeamish.”

DRIVE-IN MASSACRE
“WARNING!!! DRIVE-IN MASSACRE has been deemed by an independent film board to be too terrifying for viewing by the average theatre patron. For this reason, it is suggested that those of you with severe emotional disorders or chronic coronary disfunction NOT see this movie. The risk is entirely yours.”

DRIVE-IN MASSACRE
“WARNING: The Red Stuff On Your Hot Dog May Not Be Ketchup!”

HEADLESS EYES
“TOO GORY FOR THE SILVER SCREEN”

MAKE THEM DIE SLOWLY
“BANNED in 31 COUNTRIES. WARNING: THIS MOTION PICTURE IS ONE OF THE MOST VIOLENT FILMS EVER MADE. THERE ARE 24 SCENES OF BARBARIC TORTURE AND SADISTIC CRUELTY GRAPHICALLY SHOWN. IF THE PRESENTATION OF DISGUSTING AND REPULSIVE MATERIAL UPSETS YOU, PLEASE DO NOT VIEW THIS FILM.”

BLOODSTALKERS
“WARNING: Due to graphic displays of violence, viewer discretion is advised.”

LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT
“TO AVOID FAINTING KEEP REPEATING, IT’S ONLY A MOVIE.. ONLY A MOVIE.. ONLY A MOVIE..”

MARK OF THE DEVIL PART 2
“BANNED IN 19 COUNTRIES!”

MARK OF THE DEVIL
“Guaranteed to upset your stomach. DUE TO THE HORRIFY SCENES NO ONE ADMITTED WITHOUT A VOMIT BAG.”

FAT ETHEL 2
“WARNING: Never come between Ethel and a well-stocked refrigerator!”

Horror DVD Releases – Week of May 25th, 2010

Corey — Mon, 24 May 2010 02:56:34 +0000

(descriptions from Netflix & BestBuy)

Babysitter Wanted (2008)
When she takes a job babysitting a young boy (Kai Caster) for a night at his family’s remote farmhouse, sweet college co-ed Angie Albright (Sarah Thompson) becomes the target of a scar-covered creep making mysterious phone calls and prowling outside the windows. Angie gets the drop on the would-be killer, but quickly discovers that her nightmare has just begun. Jonas Barnes and Michael Manasseri direct this darkly humorous horror flick.

Cornered (2008)
Suspense and black humor blend as a serial killer stalks Los Angeles convenience marts, where he tortures and slays the occupants. When store owner Steve (Eduardo Antonio Garcia) and his buddies begin a poker game one night, the stakes are higher than they can imagine. The players start to disappear, and when they see one of their friends murdered via security camera footage, the race for survival begins. Steve Guttenberg and James Duval co-star.

Finale (2009)
Refusing to believe that her occultist son died by his own hand, Helen (Carolyn Hauck) follows a twisted trail to an old Victorian swathed in black paint, a booby-trapped bedroom and demonic encounters that ravage her sense of reality in this lushly filmed slasher. Consumed by paranoid visions, and with her daughter, Kathryn (Suthi Picotte), in mortal jeopardy, Helen descends headlong into the shrieking abyss that swallowed her son.

Hard Ride to Hell (2010)
Unsuspecting RV owners who are camping in Texas stumble onto a hideous sacrificial ceremony and lose one of their own before they escape the gang of devil-worshipping bikers led by the sinister Jefe (Miguel Ferrer). Fleeing to a ghost town complete with its own lethal curse, the hapless vacationers find themselves trapped in an epic struggle between good and evil with other players that include an exceedingly odd boy and a possessed preacher.

Someone’s Knocking at the Door (2009)
Returning to the medical school where they were test subjects decades ago, a pair of outrageously twisted serial killers use shockingly brutal sex acts to start killing off a group of drugged-out med students. Now, the students must find a way out of their trippy hallucinations to defend themselves against the maniacs. Noah Segan, Elina Madison and Ezra Buzzington star in this psycho-delic, over-the-top bloodbath from director Chad Ferrin.

The Landlord (2009)
It tough keeping tenants who stick around long enough to pay the rent when you’re a nice guy like Tyler (Derek Dziak), who has to answer to two hungry demons (Mike Madgiak and Refugio Molina) who haunt the place — and keep gobbling up his profits despite his lame attempts to sway them. As a landlord, he’s out of his league. But then a likeable girl (Erin Myers) on the run shows up, looking for a safe place to live.

The Shadow Within (2007)
Warped by grief after one of her twin sons dies at birth, Marie (Hayley J Williams) allows a sinister medium to use the surviving twin, Maurice (Laurence Belcher), to communicate with the other side. But danger beckons when the dead Jacques begins to sap Maurice’s life force. Maurice realizes that although his ghostly brother is merely seeking the love of their parents, he intends to drag his family with him to the realm of the dead.

Butterfly Dreaming (2008)
In the aftermath of his wife’s untimely death in an automobile accident, Rob Pollack (Andrew Bowen) finds his once-peaceful existence unraveling as the line begins to blur between his troubled dreams and an increasingly uncertain reality. But is Rob’s confusion a result of his sorrow or his guilt? Missy Crider and James McDaniel also star in this tense thriller from writer-director Rufus Williams.

Tell-Tale (2008)
In this thriller inspired by Edgar Allen Poe’s “The Tell-Tale Heart,” Josh Lucas stars as Terry, a single dad who’s kept alive by another man’s heart — a scenario that suits him fine until he discovers that the ticker’s original owner was murdered. Worried that he might come to a similar end, Terry embarks on a desperate search for the donor’s killer in this Michael Cuesta-helmed film produced by Ridley and Tony Scott.

True Blood Season 2 (2009)

City of the Living Dead: Special Edition (1980)
This gruesome horror film from cult director Lucio Fulci posits a priest’s suicide opening the gateway to Hell, freeing bloodthirsty zombies to roam the town of Dunwich.

The Hanged Man (2009)
An internet suicide pact becomes a horrifying ordeal for seven desperate souls in this independent chiller from director Neil H. Weiss.

New on Blu-Ray

Horror Community Highlights – May 21, 2010

Jon — Fri, 21 May 2010 16:47:44 +0000

Candyman: The Last Temptation of Helen Lyle
Kindertrauma
This post on the classic film Candyman is one of the most intelligent and intriguing treatments of the film you’re likely to find online or off.
Psycho Semi-Centennial: An Ode to Marion Crane
The Vault of Horror
Fifty years later, this film is still as good as it ever was. And here’s a post that proves it.
Fright Night remake in the Works
Retro Slashers
I hear that Colin Farrell is slated to play Jerry Dandridge. That’s not cool, Brewster, not cool at all.
From VHS to Netflix: My journey with horror rentals
Fascination with Fear
If you grew up in the 80s, this post will make you feel all nostalgic. If you didn’t, it’s still a fascinating look at how we watch horror movies has changed over the years.
THE Battle of the Bible Bangers! Father Karras Vs. Father Mcgruder
Day of the Woman
Head on over the Day of the Woman and cast your vote for God’s biggest badass.
Leaving the light on…
Fascination With Fear
A look at the creep factor added to horror films by… (wait for it)… lighthouses.
Oh No, Not Her Again!
Freddy In Space
“Hand over mouth girl” makes another appearance.
Eurotrash Cinema or American Apparel Ad: THE ANSWERS
Love Train For The Tenebrous Empire
Kate poses a poser — are these images Eurotrash cinema screengrabs or are they American Apparel ads?
MOVIE: Survival of the Dead (2010)
Boyfriend News & Reviews
Avatar 2: Pandora of the Undead
The Zed Word
A question that has plagued horrordom…
Final Girl

email suggestions for next week’s community highlights to jon@evilontwolegs.com

Horror Remakes By The Same Director

Jon — Tue, 18 May 2010 20:25:01 +0000

When we talk of horror remakes, the connotation is usually negative. What typically comes to mind are those examples where young, hip directors tackle a classic of the genre, trying to revamp a film we love for the modern era — and usually failing (Rob Zombie’s Halloween comes to mind). It’s natural to be skeptical of a film you love being remade without the input of the original creator — usually the best you can hope for is that the new director has the proper understanding of and respect for the source material as the fans do. However, in some bizarre cases, horror directors have actually chosen to remake their own films. Rumor has it that Cronenberg is remaking The Fly (a film which was already a remake), and recently Wes Craven produced the remake of The Last House on the Left. But these aren’t the first times horror directors have revisited their own films. Here’s a short list of horror films remade by the original director.

Alfred Hitchcock: The Man Who Knew Too Much (1934) and The Man Who Knew Too Much (1956)

Hitchcock had a brilliant film career in England before he became the famous Hollywood auteur, but most people agree that his Hollywood era remake of The Man Who Knew Too Much is superior. While it’s certainly more polished and professional, I’ve always liked the grittier, noir tone of the original. And there’s no creepier villain than Peter Lorre. Still, I have to admire a director with enough confidence to so radically remake the plot, characterization, and style of what was already a terrific film.

Takashi Shimizu: Ju-on: The Grudge (2002) and The Grudge (2004)

Ju-On was already an established franchise in Japan when Shimizu opted to remake this particular installment for American audiences. In doing so, Shimizu revitalized horror in America, helping to start the trend of J-Horror remakes. When I saw Poltergeist as a kid, I was scared for several days. I think seeing The Grudge would have put me in a coma.

Michael Haneke: Funny Games (1997) and Funny Games (2008)

I’m not sure why it took Haneke a decade to remake Funny Games, but I’m glad he did. I’ve never seen the original Austrian version, but the remake is supposedly a shot-for-shot replica. I’d wager that he wanted to remake the film so precisely because he knew it was an under-appreciated masterpiece of cinematic manipulation. I don’t think I’ve ever had a film get so deeply under my skin.

Ole Bornedal: Nattevagten (1994) and Nightwatch (1997)

If this were a list of films from the 1990s that are never talked about anymore, Night Watch would be at the top at that list. Even with Ewan McGreggor, Josh Brolin and Nick Nolte, it’s a forgettable film. By all accounts, the Danish original, while probably seen even less than the remake, is far superior. I suppose the lesson here is that sometimes throwing lots of money and all-star actors at a quirky, low-budget film can ruin it, even when it’s handled by the original director.

Hideo Nakata: Ringu 2 (1999) and The Ring 2 (2005)

Nakata did not direct the American remake of his original Ringu. However, after a host of Ringu sequels and adaptations in Japan, the franchise began to decline. Perhaps in an attempt to give the franchise new life in America, he did decide to direct the The Ring 2 after having already made Ringu 2 in Japan (confusingly, the two films have largely different plotlines). Given the reception of The Ring 2 here, maybe he shouldn’t have bothered.

George Sluizer: Spoorloos (1988) and The Vanishing (1992)

Long before Sandra Bullock was marrying philanderers and winning Oscars for The Blind Side, she made a brief, but terrific appearance as Kiefer Sutherland’s kidnapped girlfriend in Sluzier’s remake of his Dutch thriller. However, a pre-Dude Jeff Bridges steals the film as the depraved but strangely likeable psychologist. Fans of the original film tend to HATE the American remake, citing it as yet another Hollywood bastardization of a grittier and more artistic masterpiece.

Horror DVD Releases – Week of May 18th, 2010

Corey — Mon, 17 May 2010 22:25:59 +0000

(descriptions from Netflix & BestBuy)

The Disappeared (2008)
When he begins having disturbing visions of his missing brother, Tom, teenager Matthew (Harry Treadaway) tries to understand what’s happening. By bravely reopening old wounds from the past, Matthew discovers frightening horrors that must be dealt with immediately. This British psychological horror film also stars Tom Felton as Matthew’s best friend, Simon, and Ros Leeming as trusting next-door neighbor Amy.

Southern Gothic (2008)
A dejected strip club bouncer attempts to atone for the sins of his past by protecting a little girl from a vampiric preacher in Tooth and Nail director Mark Young’s moody horror film.

Haunting of Winchester House (2009)
A family working as caretakers at the notorious 160 room mansion discovers the reason it’s considered one of the most haunted locations in the country when their daughter is abducted by a malicious entity.

Horror Film Quotes With The Word “Pants” Inserted Part 2

Corey — Mon, 10 May 2010 17:04:30 +0000

“Darling. Light, of my life. I’m not gonna hurt ya. You didn’t let me finish my sentence. I said, I’m not gonna hurt ya. I’m just gonna bash your pants in.”

~ Jack Torrence, THE SHINING

“I have come here to chew pants and kick ass… and I’m all out of pants.”

~ Nada, THEY LIVE

“He doesn’t want us to cut through our chains. He wants us to cut through our
pants!”

~ Dr. Gordon, SAW

“We traced the call! It’s coming from inside the pants!”

~ Police officer, WHEN A STRANGER CALLS

“She might have fooled me, but she didn’t fool my pants.”

~ Norman Bates, PSYCHO

“A naked American man stole my pants.”

~ Little boy, AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON

“We’re not talking about any ordinary prisoner! We are talking about pants on two legs.”

~ Dr. Loomis, HALLOWEEN 4: THE RETURN OF MICHAEL MYERS

part one

Horror DVD Releases – Week of May 11th, 2010

Corey — Mon, 10 May 2010 16:50:46 +0000

(descriptions from Netflix)

Daybreakers (2009)
Earth’s population is up against a vicious plague that’s transforming everyone into vampires and draining the world of an increasingly precious resource: blood. Edward Dalton (Ethan Hawke) and “Elvis” Cormac (Willem Dafoe) must decide what happens next. As the human race count nears zero, will vampires feast on the few men and women who remain, or could science hold the key to a less destructive solution? Sam Neill and Claudia Karvan co-star.

Legion (2010)
In the wake of an apocalypse of major proportions, a motley crew of survivors (including Dennis Quaid, Tyrese Gibson and Kate Walsh) ekes out a living at an abandoned truck stop in the desert, never suspecting that the pregnant woman walking among them is carrying the Messiah. Paul Bettany co-stars in this thriller as the archangel Michael, who was sent to Earth to steer humankind away from darkness and toward the light.

Horror Community Highlights – May 7, 2010

Jon — Fri, 07 May 2010 18:22:16 +0000

Scary vs. Horrifying
The Groovy Age of Horror
This is an intriguing post that suggests the term “scary movie” just doesn’t quite do the horror genre justice.
Scary Paintings
The Vault of Horror
This collection of artwork features a variety of styles, and the pieces range from the classic to the contemporary, but they’re all decidedly horrific.
The Zombie / Virus Connection
The Zed Word
“Although I’ve been known to voice my boredom in response to the overwhelming number of unoriginal films these days that present zombiism as spread by viral infection, there’s one truth I cannot deny. The zombie / virus connection is a perfect thematic match.”
Stranger than fiction: Little known facts about great genre authors
Fascination with Fear
I did not know that Ray Bradbury would have become a stage magician had his writing career not gone anywhere. Read this post to find out more interesting facts about your favorite genre writers.
The Women of Freddy Krueger
Day of the Woman
“When you think kid raping, child murderering, christmas sweater wearing, Wolverine looking, burn victim would be such a ladies’ man. Yet, somehow Wes Craven has made one of the most iconic and horrific slashers to be linked to so many different women.”
The Good, the Bad, and the Freddy
The Paradise of Horror
A very thoughtful analysis of why the Nightmare remake doesn’t work.
Welcome to Reboots, Bitch
The Deadly Doll’s House of Horror Nonsense
A very thoughtful analysis of why the Nightmare remake does work.
A Nightmare on Elmzzzzzzzz
Kindertrauma
I read this review of the Nightmare remake as a good argument as to why classic slasher remakes in general don’t work. You simply can’t recreate the culture, atmosphere, energy or what have you of the 70s and 80s that made the original films work so well. Any remake is going to feel fake or at least out of context and artificial.

email suggestions for next week’s community highlights to jon@evilontwolegs.com

Top Five Rock Star Cameos in Horror Films

Jon — Mon, 03 May 2010 22:56:41 +0000

1. The Misfits as The Misfits in Bruiser (2000)

Bruiser is George Romero’s underrated gem of a movie that pays tribute to the stylized horror of such European masters as Dario Argento and Jess Franco. It also features a rowdy, raucous musical finale that includes a cameo by The Misfits. They do such a good job in the film, that Romero agreed to direct the video for “Scream,” the song they perform in the film.

2. Alice Cooper as an insane homeless man in The Prince of Darkness (1987)

This is arguably Carpenter’s “creepiest” film, with a menacing atmosphere that reminds me of H.P. Lovecraft. It’s also the original shock-rocker Alice Cooper’s film debut, and he’s terrific as the psychotic, killer bum with a talent for artistic crucifixions.

3. Bauhaus in The Hunger (1983)

Long before Twilight turned them into effervescing teens and little league baseball players, vampires were sexy and sophisticated adults, as evident in this slick, stylized appearance of Bauhaus frontman Peter Murphy in The Hunger’s opening title sequence.

4. Meatloaf as Eddie in The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975)

I’ve heard that until Meatloaf took over the role of Eddie in 1974, no actor had been able to successfully sing “Hot Patootie” because of its high vocal range and rapid-fire lyrics. Technically, his appearance in the subsequent film version of the show isn’t exactly a cameo, but the way he owns the role of the free-spirited Eddie does prove once again that rock stars seem right at home on the silver screen.

5. Henry Rollins as Colonel Dale Murphy in Wrong Turn 2 (2007)

Henry Rollins is the only noteworthy thing about this movie. He’s a full-throttle bad-ass from the moment we see him on screen, and my favorite moment in the film involves his over-the-top, commando-style escape from the mutant hillbillies.

Horror DVD Releases – Week of May 4th, 2010

Corey — Mon, 03 May 2010 19:37:30 +0000

Never Sleep Again: The Elm Street Legacy (2010)
This week’s biggest release is the long anticipated Elm Street documentary, NEVER SLEEP AGAIN. Available directly from the Elm Street Legacy website, orders for the 2-disc DVD placed between now and June 1 receive a free poster of the cover art signed by Heather Langenkamp.

(descriptions below are from Netflix and BestBuy)

Cold Storage (2006)
After a loner named Clive Merser (Nick Searcy) witnesses an atrocious car accident near his desolate backcountry home in Tennessee, he becomes convinced that the dead driver, Melissa (Casey Leet), is the girl of his dreams — and does just about anything to keep her around. Meanwhile, Melissa’s sister, Cathy (Joelle Carter), and boyfriend, Daric (Matt Keeslar), frantically try to find her. Tony Elwood directs and co-writes this thriller.

Dark Nature (2009)
Jane (Vanya Eadie) and her daughter, Chloe (Imogen Toner), travel to a scenic Scottish village, hoping to mend their fractured relationship. But family squabbles soon become the least of their concerns in this bloody Troma thriller. With Jane’s new boyfriend and Chloe’s younger siblings in tow, the two women mingle with the welcoming locals — until a series of terrifying events forces the family to fight for their lives.

House of Usher (2008)
While visiting his reclusive, ailing ex-lover Roderick Usher (Frank Mentier), Victor Reynolds (Michael Cardelle) slowly learns of the dreadful secrets lurking in Roderick’s house and eventually finds himself in grave danger in this contemporary spin on the Edward Allan Poe classic. Spooky and muscular shirtless men abound in David DeCoteau’s gay-themed horror, which also stars Jaimyse Haft as the bizarre Madeline.

Slasher (2007)
When sexy psychology student Erin (Christiane Imdahl) hits the breaking point with school, she rounds up a bunch of friends, and they head into the woods where they party the weekend away — until a chainsaw-wielding maniac begins hunting them down one by one. Now fighting for their lives, the pals must also confront sinister secrets from their past. Frank W. Montag directs this German grindhouse flick.

The Gatekeeper (2008)
A team of hockey players and a feuding couple are forced to face off against an army of flesh-eaters after a traffic accident in the Welsh hills leaves them all stranded in the middle of nowhere with a pair of mysterious strangers.

Blood Myth (2006)
A young group of survivalists-in-training are stalked through the woods by a psychotic killer seeking victims for a blood sacrifice. Back in the 1990s, a maniac working for a private security company in Yugoslavia used the conflict in the country as cover for a series of grisly murders. Conducting the killings under the twisted guise of experimental archeology, he claimed numerous lives before vanishing into the countryside.

Horror Film Quotes With The Word “Pants” Inserted

Corey — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 12:40:13 +0000

“We’ll tear your pants apart!”

~ Pinhead, HELLRAISER

“I spent eight years trying to reach him, and then another seven trying to keep him locked up because I realized what was living behind that boy’s pants was purely and simply…
evil.”

~ Dr. Loomis, HALLOWEEN

“A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his pants with some fava beans and a nice chianti.”

~ Dr. Hannibal Lecter, THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS

“The counselors weren’t paying any attention… They were making pants while
that young boy drowned. His name was Jason.”

~ Pamela Voorhees, FRIDAY THE 13th

“You bastards! Give me back my pants!”

~ Ash, EVIL DEAD II

“When there’s no more room in pants, the
dead will walk the Earth.”

~ Peter, DAWN OF THE DEAD

Horror DVD Releases – Week of April 27th, 2010

Corey — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 01:51:47 +0000

(descriptions from Netflix and BestBuy)

The Descent Part 2 (2009)
In this gruesome thriller, blood-drenched Sarah Carter (Shauna MacDonald) surfaces as the lone escapee from the savage cave-dwelling Crawlers that terrorized her and five others. Traumatized and unable to explain the nightmare, she must return to help find her friends. But it’s not long before the search team becomes the Crawlers’ fresh prey. And Sarah once again battles to cheat death, as she clings to the hope that her friends are alive.

Transylmania (2009)
Deep in the heart of Transylvania lies Razvan University, where a group of visiting students is about to get the shock of a lifetime. When not being stalked by vampires and succubi, they’re evading Razvan’s other resident crazies. Seductive teachers, willing students and a hunchback are all included in this year’s curriculum. Musetta Vander, Patrick Cavanaugh and Jennifer Lyons star in this bloodcurdling spoof.

Life Blood (2009)
Forty years after committing a murder and inexplicably dropping off the map, lesbian couple Brooke (Sophie Monk) and Rhea (Anya Lahiri) are back — although not necessarily in the form you’d expect. They’re as beautiful as ever, but now they’re vampires, too. And the ladies’ newfound bloodlust, coupled with their killer looks, makes them a deadly pair in this sexy horror flick from director Ron Carlson.

Tales from the Darkside: Season 3 (1986)
Keep the lights on while watching the third season of this TV anthology series that presents scary tales of the supernatural, including an eerie account of a reporter who visits a circus run by vampires thirsting for fresh blood. Also this year, a businessman makes a pact with the devil, a mannequin comes to life and a little girl discovers her dollhouse has strange powers.

Mega Piranha (2010)
A gigantic school of mutant piranha makes their way up to Florida from South America while devouring anyone – and anything – that gets in their way. Tiffany, Paul Logan, and Barry Williams star.

Marked (2007)
A paranormal researcher seeks to solve her father’s murder by catching the man who killed him, only to find that true evil possesses the power to cheat death. Ever since her dad was killed, Diella has developed an obsession with the supernatural. Today, she and a team of paranormal researchers use advanced technology to search for evidence of life after death. The harder they search for clues, the more ominous the messages from the other side become. Before long Diella and her team are peering into the mind of a madman, experiencing things beyond their realm of comprehension, and facing a fate far worse than death.

Passed the Door of Darkness (2008)
A madman turns normal people into killers by setting a series of complex lethal traps. Rookie homicide detective Chris Malloy (Matthew Prater) and Detective Murphy MacCasey (Mark Colson) are working the midnight shift when they walk into one of the grizzliest crime scenes they’ve ever encountered. The following night another body turns up. There’s a killer on the loose; he calls himself the “Shadow of God,” and he tricks people into killing their loved ones in the most gruesome ways imaginable.

The Fear Chamber (2009)
A Los Angeles detective has a series of nightmarish hallucinations that help him track an elusive organ thief who is terrorizing the city. Women are being killed all over town, but the murderer isn’t leaving any clues. Meanwhile, Detective Nick Ferguson (Rhett Giles) begins suffering from bizarre visions that leave him dazed and confused. When Detective Ferguson learns to embrace his newfound sense of second sight, he realizes it may be the key to stopping the murder spree.