In the multiplayer, one player would be Jason while the rest would be counselors. Counselors can score points not by fighting Jason, but by avoiding Jason and successfully completing tasks such as “have sex with another player without being stabbed,” “smoke marijuana without being stabbed,” “go skinny-dipping alone without being stabbed,” and “check out that strange noise in the basement without being stabbed.”

well, it took a few years, but turns out someone heard my wish because there’s a kickstarter going on right now to fund a new Friday the 13th game where one player is Jason and the rest are counselors. better yet, sean cunningham, tom savini, harry manfredini and kane hodder are all involved.

You can find out more and help fund the game at the project’s kickstarter page. ]]> http://www.evilontwolegs.com/2015/11/6103/feed/ 0 http://www.evilontwolegs.com/2013/10/crystal-lake-memories-the-complete-history-of-friday-the-13th/ http://www.evilontwolegs.com/2013/10/crystal-lake-memories-the-complete-history-of-friday-the-13th/#respond Thu, 03 Oct 2013 17:27:32 +0000 http://www.evilontwolegs.com/?p=6090 Continue reading →]]>

a seven hour documentary on the history of the entire FRIDAY THE 13th franchise? based on the fantastic (and surprisingly hefty) coffee-table book CRYSTAL LAKE MEMORIES and from the creators of NEVER SLEEP AGAIN: THE ELM STREET LEGACY? yes, please. purchase through amazon or directly from crystallakememories.net.

i’ve watched this in its entirety and can confirm it contains much awesomesauce.

thanks to an intense push during the last 24 hours, the practical effects creature feature HARBINGER DOWN kickstarter was successful! having grown up idolizing physical effect artists and given the often overuse of cgi in modern horror, i’m very excited to see what alec gillis and co. come up with. below is a recent interview with gillis where he very candidly discusses the current state of the film industry, the bias against practical effects and the history of the HARBINGER DOWN kickstarter.

from the kickstarter page…

What is Harbinger Down?

In the spirit of sci-fi/horror classics, Alien and The Thing, Harbinger Down is a tense, claustrophobic full-length creature film that will feature only practical Animatronic and Makeup Effects. If you’re a fan of the art of Animatronics and Makeup FX, you know that this technique is overlooked by the big studios. I’m hoping that you will help us change that by supporting this labor of love. Read more…

]]> http://www.evilontwolegs.com/2013/05/harbinger-down-practical-fx-horror-film-kickstarter/feed/ 3 http://www.evilontwolegs.com/2012/09/edward-and-bella-a-bad-lip-reading-of-twilight/ http://www.evilontwolegs.com/2012/09/edward-and-bella-a-bad-lip-reading-of-twilight/#comments Sun, 16 Sep 2012 07:59:02 +0000 http://www.evilontwolegs.com/?p=6036 ]]> http://www.evilontwolegs.com/2012/09/edward-and-bella-a-bad-lip-reading-of-twilight/feed/ 3 http://www.evilontwolegs.com/2012/06/the-slasher-movie-book-get-a-free-copy-here/ http://www.evilontwolegs.com/2012/06/the-slasher-movie-book-get-a-free-copy-here/#comments Sun, 03 Jun 2012 03:53:12 +0000 http://www.evilontwolegs.com/?p=6017 Continue reading →]]> update: a winner has been randomly chosen and notified (manekochan from the comments section). thanks to all who left comments/sent emails detailing their favorite slasher film. jason, michael, and chucky films were all well represented… as were lesser known slashers such as THE PROWLER, SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE, and BEHIND THE MASK. oddly, no ELM STREET movies were mentioned… but maybe the remake disenchanted some peeps and they’re trying to avoid thinking about freddy for a while.

despite being a consistent cash cow, the slasher film sub-genre doesn’t get much mainstream attention, and when it does it’s usually negative. while it’s easy enough to find slasher films to watch, trying to find books or documentaries focused specifically on the genre will quickly lead you to discover only a few exist, and you can count the ones worth your time on one hand. well, get ready to use that other hand, because THE SLASHER MOVIE BOOK (aka TEENAGE WASTELAND for our friends in the UK) is now available for order, and after looking over a copy for myself, i can honestly say this is a ‘must-own’ for any fan of the genre.

j. a. kerswell (founder of hysteria-lives) has put together a visually stunning, well-written and comprehensive love letter to the slasher genre. many books of this type will either be too text-heavy with few or no images to accompany the text or simply be a gallery of cover art with a few sentences added in as an after-thought. THE SLASHER MOVIE BOOK seems to be an almost exact 50/50 mix of text and images that perfectly compliment each other. the text is passionately written and covers the slasher film from its early roots in other genres, year by year through the golden age, through its rebirth in the 1990s and then all the way to the 3D and remake craze we’re experiencing now. while jason, michael and freddy all get attention (as they should), the book references a wide range of films, including both hidden gems and neigh unwatchable garbage. the screenshots and posters are distinctively stylized and creatively laid out, and often feature images i’ve never seen before, whether they be foreign posters for films i’m well versed in or for films i’d never heard of (of which i was humbled and delighted to discover there were so many of).

if you’re reading this site, then there is no doubt this book is for you. if you like, head over to amazon right now and order a copy. choose expedited shipping — you won’t regret it.

however, if you’re more the patient sort, then there’s another option — you could get a copy for free! we’re having a little contest to give away a copy, and all you need to do to enter is email me the title of your very-most-super-favorite slasher film of all-time and a short explanation of why it’s your favorite. please email entries to corey@evilontwolegs.com or leave your answer in a comment below (please use a valid email address).

tell the best nostalgic story of seeing your favorite slasher film for the first time or make the best argument for why your choice is the most bestest slasher film ever made, and the words below could very well become a reality…

brad mchargue (fangoria/bloody-disgusting/horrorsquad contributor, former ilovehorror blogger and long-time friend of eo2l) is involved in a really interesting film project that is currently seeking funding. HAUNTED is a found footage horror film, with an intriguing twist. according to the film’s funding page:

HAUNTED tells the story of what happens when a group of paranormal investigators finally find what they’ve been searching for. Andrew, a film student at the University of Michigan, is tagging along with a team of paranormal investigators to document their process for a school project. At first things go according to plan, but as the night progresses, it’s clear something in the house doesn’t want them there. Taking a unique approach to the concept of “found footage” HAUNTED is presented in a quad-screen/real-time format, showing the audience everything that is occurring inside the house all at once. This bold premise will give the audience, for the first time, the complete experience of what goes on during a paranormal investigation while encouraging repeat viewings, as viewers will be excited to fully see everything they only glimpsed the first time!

the four camera split-screen idea is a great hook, and i’d love to see this film idea become a reality. brad and his co-writer are currently looking for backers through their kickstarter page, where you can read more about the film and pledge contributions to assist in getting it produced.

in the past, if i loved a certain film, it was pretty much a certainty that brad would hate it (e.g., JENNIFER’S BODY). the opposite was also true most of the time (e.g., PONTYPOOL). so what happens if HAUNTED gets made, and i really dig it? does that mean brad has to hate his own movie? well, i’m interested to find out, so let’s hope HAUNTED can find the backing it needs.

THE THING

THE THING is one of my favorite films, so i was understandably skeptical when i heard they were making a prequel and/or remake. i was anxious for more ‘thing,’ but it would be so easy for them to screw it up by trying to fix what was ‘wrong’ with the first film since it had such a disappointing theatrical release (yet eventually gathered quite the following on home video). i remember reading an interview with the director, stating his intention to be true to the original — but that’s what every director says to appease the existing fans, while not mentioning all the changes they’re having to make to try to have broader appeal. after seeing THE THING, i’m convinced of two things: 1) it’s confusing to name your prequel the same title as the film it is a prequel to and 2) the director was not lying about staying true to the original.

apart from possibly using cgi where it wasn’t necessary in a few places, there is very little to complain about in THE THING. don’t get me wrong — no aspect of john carpenter’s masterpiece is in danger of being eclipsed by this prequel (most notably in the special effects category), but i doubt making a better film than the original was their goal. it feels like they were trying to make a smart and frightening companion piece to the original that supplements it without contradicting or negating anything already established. if that is true, then they succeeded. everything we know from the original about the norwegian camp is seamlessly integrated into the prequel. many scenes are almost identical in tone and content to scenes from carpenter’s, but there are enough twists and differences that it always feels like a homage instead of a rehash. this may not end up joining the original as a true classic of the genre, but it’s certainly entertaining and well worth seeing.

as i was leaving the theater, happily surprised by how much i liked THE THING, i overheard a girl ask her boyfriend “that’s how it ends?!? what happens next?” i did not overhear his reply, but it’s my hope he’s a true horror fan and already owns the answer to her query on dvd and/or blu-ray.

related video: the cast of THE THING (1981) watch THE THING (2011).

AMERICAN HORROR STORY

i was about to start this off with the phrase “despite not being as original as THE WALKING DEAD…”, but quickly realized that would be completely unfair. it’s true that AMERICAN HORROR STORY is not wildly original, as it borrows shamelessly from well-known genre classics and recent horror successes. however, despite being incredibly compelling, THE WALKING DEAD is an even worse offender, stealing unabashedly from only one coffer (george romero’s), while AMERICAN HORROR STORY at least has the decency to spread its thievery around, often sprinkling pilfered bits from john carpenter, stanley kubrick, and alfred hitchcock evenly about, often in the same episode.

most of the time, the show’s tendency to reference other horror films works, coming across not as laziness or plagiarism — but as a type of horror short-hand. in the most recent episode, the intentions of three home intruders is immediately communicated to the audience in a blink of an eye, not through lengthy exposition but by simply emulating the most famous shot from THE STRANGERS. earlier in the same episode during a flashback set in the 1960s, the familiar violin strings from the score of PSYCHO instantly place us in the correct decade and and convey the intentions of an uninvited guest.

the show’s opening credit may be a little too reminiscent of SE7EN’s famous credit sequence, but minor gripes aside, this is a show you should definitely be watching. i don’t know how long they can keep it up, but so far the haunted house story they are telling has kept me riveted and guessing at every turn, and is scarier, sexier and more unnerving than anything horror television has ever seen. similar to the maturity level seen in DEXTER and TRUE BLOOD, but lacking the lightheartedness and comedy those shows occasionally exhibit, AMERICAN HORROR STORY is a hard-edged series that shows a willingness to push the envelope and go to places that even recent horror feature films seem afraid to.

THE WALKING DEAD

along with everyone else in the world, this week i also watched the season premiere of THE WALKING DEAD. once we get to episodes that frank darabont had little to no input on, i’m afraid the show will take a nosedive, but if they can somehow maintain the quality shown in this first episode, then there will be nothing to worry about. you can already see the impact of the budget cuts in a few questionable cgi effects shots, but other than that, there is little to complain about in this season’s opener.

i will, however, complain about how amc is handling suddenly being in possession of an incredibly successful show. in addition to slashing the budget despite growing success and running off the man who created the damn thing, they also became the first company i know of to greedily double–dip the home video release of a show’s first season before the second season even aired.

behind-the-scenes drama aside, the show is fantastic. and it has also spawned one of the more brilliant parodies in recent memory, which you can see below.

BUTCHER KNIVES & BODY COUNTS, published by dark scribe press, is now available for purchase.

unlike most books on the subject, this is not a simple list of films with rehashed commentary or a straight-forward history — instead it’s a collection of essays from over 70 authors,covering more than 80 films, the sum of which is an incredibly in-depth study and analysis of the slasher genre. given the focus of this site, if you’re a visitor here, that probably means you fall squarely in the cross-hairs of the demographic for this book, so you should probably stop reading and go grab a copy at amazon now. go on, i’ll wait.

as you may remember me mentioning a while back, an essay i wrote about my own personal childhood experience with THE PROWLER was accepted into BUTCHER KNIVES & BODY COUNTS. while my name may not be enough to get you rushing out to the book store, some of the others might (Jack Ketchum, Adam Rockoff, Adam Green, Stacie Ponder, Anthony Timbone… and dozens of others).

editor Vince Liaguno also recently did a 3-part interview about the book for FANGORIA, a small portion of which i’ve excerpted below.

(full interview: part one, part two, and part three.)

while i’m sure we all appreciate the subjective nature of taste, as film connoisseurs i think we often take the stance that our critical opinions of films are based on the sum of some objective evaluation of various identifiable aspects of the filmmaking process and that we judge a film only on what is present on the screen. however, i recently watched two films that really drove home the idea that what i was expecting from a film before seeing it drastically influenced my opinion after viewing it.

YELLOW BRICK ROAD

for both of these films, i knew nothing about them other than what i learned from looking at the poster. and YELLOW BRICK ROAD has a really good poster. i don’t know what this girl is flipping out about, but this is fantastic marketing because it makes this film look like it might actually be scary. it’s reminiscent of THE RUINS, but i also got a definite 1970s TEXAS CHAINSAW / LAST HOUSE vibe from it and i was left with the impression that this film was going to be old-school-straight-for-the-balls-that-are-to-the-wall-and-inside-the-pants-that-are-being crapped-in terrifying. i didn’t know whether the threat would be trees, plants, hillbillies or the lollipop guild– and it didn’t matter. i was going to see this film.

and see it i did, but crap my pants i did not. the film starts out well enough, setting up a mystery where an entire town just one day started walking into the woods and died. unfortunately, from there it quickly falls apart, leaving every mystery as mysterious as it was in the first five minutes and padding the time between the opening and the completely unsatisfying climax with scene after scene of useless drivel, philosophical nonsense or, on the rare occasion, one containing a single creepy idea that has some genuine promise that might have been effectively used in another film… but not here. as YELLOW BRICK ROAD stumbled along, leaving a wavy, sporadic trail of crap in its wake like a sick dog, my opinion of the film dropped lower and lower until hitting pretty close to rock bottom as the credits rolled.

that said, when thinking about the film the next day, it occurred to me that a lot of the reason i reacted so negatively to it was because of the promises implicitly made in that poster. had i seen YELLOW BRICK ROAD cold, with no expectations of any kind, i actually think i would have had a much more positive reaction. would i have loved it? probably not. but my “arrrrgggghhhh” reaction of thinking it was probably a 1 out of 5 stars film might very well have been a more reasonable “meh” of 2 or 3 stars had i not been hoping/expecting to love it. we navigate and survive in this world by using incomplete information to make guesses and estimates about how other things in the world are or will be. “will that dog bite me?” “will that car turn left or right?” “will that red berry taste bad?” and yes, “does it seem like that movie will suck?” when the world does not line up with our internal assumptions, the larger that discrepancy is, i think the more powerful our emotional response is and the more we overcompensate by swinging in the opposite direction.

FORGET ME NOT

the poster for FORGET ME NOT is uninspired, to say the least. everything about it — the ‘row of heads’ layout, the constipated look on the actor’s faces, the crappy photoshop filter on the title, and even the title itself — they all scream “this is a ultra low budget, made-over-a-weekend piece of garbage with shitty film quality and shittier audio that you’ll turn off five minutes in.” well, believe it or not — it is none of those things.

FORGET ME NOT is actually a fairly competent dead teenager/ghost movie. it’s not going to win any major awards, but the writing is decent, the characters are interesting enough and the ghosts, while highly derivative of several famous j-horror offerings, are genuinely creepy at times. i’d probably give it 3.5 stars out of 5 and recommend it to any serious horror fans looking for something they might have overlooked. however, i’d suggest getting on dvd — at the time i tried to watch it on netflix instant, some of the sound channels were missing (evident in the initial party where everyone is dancing in the background and you can hear dialogue — but no music, which was not an interesting artistic choice as i first thought). although, perhaps netflix has fixed that issue by now.

similar to YELLOW BRICK ROAD though, i wonder what my feeling on this film would be had i seen it completely cold. am i giving it a 3.5 because of its inherent qualities or because its poster led me to believe it’d be a 1? is it possible i would have judged these films of roughly equal quality had i gone in to both of them with no expectations? maybe it wouldn’t have made a huge difference — it’s hard to say not having had that experience, but i have the feeling that my supposedly objective measurement of their quality as films would have been a lot closer had i not seen or formed such strong opinions based on those posters.

if you’re reading this and you haven’t seen these films, then i’ve just given you a very different set of expectations than i had going into them. i wonder how that will effect your judgement of the films, should you see them… if you want to let me know — leave a comment below.

A Review of “Pop-UP Book of Death,” by Chad Helder (Rebel Satori Press, 2010)

Given the focus of this site, it should surprise no one that I love horror; however, I have a greater love that I don’t get to talk about as much here, and that love is poetry. The worlds of horror and poetry sometimes meet, as in the case of Edgar Allan Poe’s sublime verse, or the groundbreaking work of Baudelaire. But so-called “horror poetry” is often gimmicky. In fact, whenever I teach creative writing, I tell my students that they’re forbidden to write any genre literature until they’ve mastered the basics of their craft. For the beginning writer, it’s too easy to use the conventions of genre as a crutch. Chad Helder’s “Pop-Up Book of Death” makes enough references to zombies, disease, and dismemberment to satisfy any fan of the horror genre, but this is real poetry written by someone who knows his craft, and Helder uses the conventions of horror to do what good poems always do, whether or not they make reference to the horror genre. These artfully written poems offer fresh insight to the darker and more absurd aspects of the human condition.

The intriguingly short poem “The Void” appears early in the collection and sums up its tone and tenor. Here is the poem in its entirety:

Don’t allow children under the age of ten to stare at this page unsupervised.

And with this, I knew that Helder was up to something interesting. The idea here — and it is manifest everywhere in this collection — is that our language is not static, and lifeless: there are horrors, oddities, and monsters beneath even the most innocuous phrases and utterances. Take “The River,” for example. It’s a poem describing an imaginary pop-up book about a group of mourners standing on a riverbank:

A clever optical illusion:
the lines of the river trick the eye into seeing
relentless current, which
continues to flow in a blink
like the echo of a flashbulb.

So much is seething just beneath the surface, and we’re playfully invited to “Pull the tab” of this nightmarish pop-up book and let its hidden crocodile nip “the thumb of the reader with a sharp cardboard edge.” And in the next poem, entitled “Origins of Burial,” a “Neanderthal corpse rises from the page” to teach us the “miracle of decomposition.” These are intelligently unsettling poems that suggest our histories and our imaginations are dangerous terrains that can’t be bounded by the printed page.

Perhaps the darkest poem in the collection is playfully entitled “Birthday Cake.” It’s about a home invasion in which the intruder transforms into the narrator’s boyhood dog. However, to make matters worse, the dog “is old and sick.” When the narrator decides that the gun he planned to use for self defense must now be used in an act of mercy killing, he discovers that “the chamber is clogged with birthday cake.” I love the dark, surreal comedy of this poem. What could be safer and happier than memories of your childhood dog and birthday cake? But memories are unreliable and dangerous. They distort what was once real, and they can’t always be trusted.

Even love, our most sacred and foundational of human emotions, is contested terrain in this collection. “The Day We Met” is a love poem, and I find it strangely endearing, even if the narrator proclaims to his lover that on the day they met he “escaped the body bag” and “cut down all the nooses tied to the rafters in the garage.” This isn’t Hallmark greeting card stuff. And thankfully so. These poems insist that real love, like real childhood, is strange and transformative and scary, and not always innocent.

I enjoyed this book for many of the same reasons I enjoy a good horror film. I don’t watch a horror film just for cheap thrills and scares, but for the immersion into a strange world that blurs my vision, and challenges me to re-think the world around me a little when I exit the theater. This book does just that.

You can check out more of Chad Helder’s writing at his blog, Helder Horror (http://helderhorror.com/)

1. Cannibal Holocaust (1980)

In terms of film history, this is a must-see for any horror fan, as it’s the prototype for films such as Hostel, Saw, and all the found-footage films that are popular right now. For all its grainy, trashy aesthetics, Cannibal Holocaust is actually far more intelligent and deliberate than it sometimes appears to be. In some ways, the film is a cogent parody of the Western world’s assumptions about native culture, as well as the problematic role of media. That being said, it’s a deeply disturbing film, largely because the director employs real violence to animals as an analog to the fake violence to humans. It’s incredibly gut-wrenching and effective, and also blatantly unethical. I’ll never watch this film again.

2. Scream (1996)

Let me begin by stressing that I like this film if for no other reason than it famously revitalized the slasher genre in the 1990s. It also made horror mainstream by using an all-star cast, and like every other teenage boy in the 90s, I loved every second that Neve Campbell was on screen. It also gave horror a then-needed dose of wit and tongue-in-cheek self-reflection. At its heart, Scream is a horror movie about horror movies. I suppose that being so ground-breaking and influential has a price, as every horror film that followed for a very long time had a similar tone and technique. I love Cherry Falls (a better sequel to Scream than the actual sequels) and the more recent meta-film Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon. Scream paved the way for both of these films. And I’m sure I’ll watch Scream 4 when it hits theaters, if only to reminisce about my younger days as a horror fan. But I’ll likely never watch the original Scream again, because all the irony and punch of it is long gone, thanks in part to the rise of the Scary Movie franchise, which thoroughly lampooned everything that was once pithy and subtle about Scream.

3. The Blair Witch Project (1999)

This movie had me cowering in my seat when I saw it in the theater. I’d never seen anything quite like it, as it was one of the first horror films to really make extensive use of shaky-cam, found-footage style film-making in a way that was more realistic and immersive than Cannibal Holocaust. But, like the meta-narrative style of Scream, all of this has been copied and rehashed to the point that its lost its effectiveness. I tried watching The Blair Witch Project again, hoping to recapture that feeling I had when I saw it for the first time. But the twigs tied up in a knot just seemed silly the second time, and the blurry, indiscriminate shapes and sounds were annoying instead of scary, and the amateur acting seemed puerile. Of course, it’s an important film, and it proves that film-makers should be innovative and try new things. But it also means that there’s no real and permanent substitute for having things like a polished script, professional acting, refined cinematography, and the other timeless elements of good film. If there’s another sequel to The Blair Witch Project that has all of those things, then I’ll watch it. Otherwise, I’m finished with this franchise.

4. The Amityville Horror (1979)

This is another film that scared the loving bejeesus out of me as a kid. This is probably because children think of their homes as being both the center of their world, as well as a very safe place to be. So there was something about the idea of a haunted house, with its dark and sinister inner room (the famous “red room”) that turned my adolescent mind upside down. For a long time, it made me afraid to go in the basement of my own house. I saw the film again as an adult and I had two reactions. It’s actually an incredibly slow and boring film, and James Brolin must have been the hairiest, manliest actor in the 70s. The dude belongs in a Brawny paper-towel commercial. I’m glad I saw this film as a kid, but now that I’m an adult, I’ll never see it again.

5. Suspiria (1977), or any of Argento’s films

I’ve loved every Dario Argento movie that I’ve ever seen, including Suspiria. I’m even a big fan of Jenifer and Pelts, his controversial installments in the sadly defunct Masters of Horror series. Suspiria is a well-crafted, exquisitely paced, and beautifully shot film, with choreographed color palettes and carefully orchestrated music. But I’ll never see it again, because I really don’t need to. Argento keeps making the same movie over and over, whether he’s exploring the secret, evil world of dance, or the secret, evil world of the fur trade. They all look and feel about the same, so I’ll never watch Suspiria again, and wait for the next Argento movie instead.

6. Dawn of the Dead (1978)

I have the utmost respect for this movie. And I’m a little surprised myself that it’s on this list, as I could watch the original Night of the Living Dead every night of the week. And Dawn of the Dead is a smart zombie film with lots of important stuff to say. But I tried watching it again a while back, and, as much as it pains me to say this, it’s really kinda boring. I’d forgotten how slowly paced it is, or how there’s a long sequence of events that we have to muddle through before we get to the good stuff in the shopping mall. This might not be fair, but I also can’t help but compare it to Zack Snyder’s 2004 remake. It’s derivative, of course, of Romero’s work, and indebted to it in every way imaginable. But its pacing is perfect, the characters are all interesting, the tone and editing are contemplative but also relentless, and it has a soundtrack that includes the punk-rock poet Jim Carroll and the one-and-only Johnny Cash. What’s not to love? It’s the better film. And I’ll never watch Romero’s Dawn of the Dead again because of it.

• Please shut down your genre and reboot
  Vegan Voorhees
  This is a fresh and intelligent look at the film that rebooted the slasher genre.
• Joysticks (1983): Greydon Clark Gets Next
  The Lightning Bug’s Lair
  I grew up in the 80s. So how is it that I’d never heard of this movie? But now I have, and I’m grateful for it.
• The Shopping Center Cemetery
  The Paradise of Horror
  I read horror blogs for a host of reasons, one of them being the fact that horror bloggers constantly surprise me. This post is a case in point.
• The Uncertain Future Of Big Budget Horror
  Dinner With Max Janke
  This is a fascinating, entertaining, and intelligent post that laments the fact that the days of big-budget horror might be numbered.
• Questions I have about the World After Viewing Satan’s Baby Doll (1982)
  Flowers of Flesh and Blood
  This post had me hooked with the title. The actual questions will make you LOL.
• Garbage Pail Kids: The Movie
  Morbidementia
  I cannot express in words how freaky this looks, or how badly I now want to see this movie.

email suggestions for next week’s community highlights to jon@evilontwolegs.com

1. Chickens, in Food of the Gods (1976)

When a mysterious, milky substance oozes up from the ground, a farmer is bereft to discover that it’s not oil, but decides to feed it to his chickens, which turns them into giant, flesh-eating monsters and, if this plot makes perfect sense to you, then I suggest you seek immediate psychiatric attention. This is undoubtedly one of the strangest movies ever made. If you’re interested in seeing a literal cock fight between man and giant chicken, then look no further. This movie is, however, absolutely worth seeing because it falls into that rare “so incredibly bad it’s good” category in more ways than I can recount here.

2. Rabbits, in Night of the Lepus (1972)

I love this movie more than I probably should. Perhaps it’s because it stars DeForest Kelley from Star Trek, or because I saw it for the first time on TNT’s MonsterVision. Aside from seeing it at your local drive in, this is one of those movies you have to see late at night, preferably with a cheap domestic beer in hand. The moral of the film reflects a truism among environmentalists: there’s a delicate balance in nature that humans have no business messing with. The other moral of the film is that you can’t use extreme close-ups to make cute, lovable, floppy-eared rabbits look horrifying. I also think it’s a disgrace that DeForest Kelley didn’t win an Oscar for keeping a straight face as he bravely fought the evil bunny horde.

3. Frogs, in Frogs (1972)

1972 was a banner year for eco-themed horror movies. Frogs follows the classic “when nature strikes back” scenario. In this case, a family of drunken, aristocratic southerners have been despoiling the Florida landscape with pesticides, largely because they find the local frogs and toads to be a nuisance and an eyesore that might ruin their upcoming 4th of July celebration. The frogs, however, enlist the help of their animal brethren, including snakes, turtles, and even butterflies in their struggle against their redneck adversaries.

4. Sheep, in Black Sheep (2007)

Black Sheep is the Citizen Kane of zombie-sheep movies. While largely a silly, novelty film that makes use of sheep flatulence and allusions to sheep-diddling for its humor, it’s also a surprisingly well-crafted parody of the dangers of genetic engineering. And there is admittedly a kind of subversive genius in turning what is generally regarded as the most docile of farm animals into gory, bloodthirsty killers.

5. Cows, in Isolation (2005)

Like Black Sheep, this is also a meditation on the dangers of genetic engineering, but without any trace of campiness or parody at all. The plot involves an experiment to produce more fertile cows that goes horribly awry in a way that such experiments always do in horror movies. The cows began spawning mutated, killer embryos. I know this sounds ridiculous, but Isolation is actually a straightforward horror movie with believable characters, competent directing, and a narrative that will keep you emotionally invested. It’s basically what Aliens would have looked like had the aliens infested a remote Irish dairy farm instead of an off-world colony.

from my own childhood, the item i remember most that seemed to serve no other purpose than to gross out those around you was ‘garbage pail kids’ collectible cards. designed as sort of an “eff you” to both the baseball cards our fathers once collected and, obviously, the ‘cabbage patch kid’ mania sweeping the nation in the mid 1980s, these cards were the must-have item when i was eleven. each card featured a cartoon image of a child experiencing some sort of trauma, torture, fatal injury or performing some similarly heinous act themselves. under that picture would be the child’s name, which was usually some sort of bad pun, rhyme or alliteration. a good example of this is ‘blown joan.’

there were usually two variations of each card, each with the same image but a different name (e.g. ‘blown joan’ is also known as ‘curly shirley’). the cards pretty much grossed out anyone who saw them (including the kids who bought them). which was, of course, awesome. how they were able to release images of children either in the process of dying or already dead is beyond me, but the cards were very popular through the late 1980s and early 1990s, and have actually seen a resurgence as new cards and retro releases of the originals have been produced in the last few years. i found several sites that catalog all the cards, so this weekend i spent quite a while looking through every single garbage pail kids card ever released, pulling out those that either directly reference horror films or are based heavily on horror themes. below is the fruit of that labor, so take a stroll with me down horror-nostalgia-gross-out lane…

not many of the cards directly references slasher films, but two notable exceptions are ‘slasher asher’ (aka ‘claude flesh’) and ‘hollow wayne’ (aka ‘jacqueline lantern’).

when i was a kid, having a ‘garbage pail kids’ card with your name was the ultimate in coolness (which is probably why they released at least two names for every card). unfortunately there was never a ‘corey’ card as i was growing up (the closest thing was ‘cory on the cob’), but in the new cards there are two! now if only i was eleven again, these would both go front-and-center on my trapper keeper.

if you want to look at more cards or search for your own name, the three sites below will allow you to do both of those things.

• Barren AARON’s GPK World
• Wayne’s Garbage Pail Kids Reference
• GPK Central

• Tura Satana: 1938 – 2011
  Love Train for the Tenebrous Empire
  A great tribute to an exploitation icon, and one of the inspirations for Tarantino’s Death Proof.
• My Bloody Valentines: A Comparison
  Retro Slashers
  Can’t decide whether you’d rather watch the remake or classic version of My Bloody Valentine with your sweetie this weekend? Then check out this post that covers some of the more salient differences.
• Shelley’s Ghost
  Frankensteina
  The folks at the inimitable Frankensteina discuss a new exhibit of artificts pertaining to the one-and-only Mary Shelley.
• Is there something you’re trying to tell us?
  Vegan Voorhees
  The homoeroticism in Hitchcock’s rope is arguably more pronounced than a subtext, and probably intentional, but this is a lighthearted look at films with undertones that would make Dr. Frankenfurter want to sing a showtune.
• The Ultimate Female Horror Movie Extravaganza
  Day of the Woman
  With categories like “Badass Women with Killer Legs,” this awesome post puts the femme in femme fatal.
• The Town That Dreaded Sundown
  Kindertrauma
  One of the reasons I first started reading horror blogs was to find posts like this. It’s a well-written review of an obscure film that I now have to see.
• Mind Over Matter: Tina in Friday the 13th VII
  The Lightning Bug’s Lair
  This post is an example of another reason I read horror blogs. It’s a well-written tribute that offers fresh and unique insights to a character I know and love.

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1. Literature: The Ninth Gate (1999)

Longfellow’s “Song of Hiawatha” and Arthur Miller’s Death of a Salesman are terrific works of literature that I eventually learned to appreciate, but reading them in high school nearly made me catatonic. If it wasn’t written in comic form, I simply wasn’t that interested. I would have learned to appreciate literature much sooner had I seen Polanski’s The Ninth Gate in high school. For one, it’s a horror film that explores both the glamor and dark underbelly of the rare book business. It actually makes books, bookstores, and book dealers seem incredibly cool. It’s also a film that suggests presumably boring, old-fashioned pursuits such as research and reading can offer unique experiences (such as getting laid by a very sexy she-devil) and possibilities for achieving power that wouldn’t be possible otherwise.

2. Philosophy: The Saw Franchise

In his introductory essay on existentialist philosophy, Sartre argues that “existence precedes essence” and therefore “man is responsible for what he is.” We are the product of our actions and decisions, and it is only through the sum of our actions and experiences that we can formulate our subjective sense of self. In other words, you aren’t really “you” until your actions define you as such. But the Saw franchise explores this with more nuance and clarity than I can offer here. Aside from his beef with the medical profession, Jigsaw is a philosopher who wants to prove that his subjects have a distorted and artificial sense of who they are because they have not acted according to their full human potential. Does Jigsaw really free Amanda Young to choose who she wants to be, or does he simply torture her into a distorted version of her true self? The franchise could also be used to explore Schopenhauer’s classic inquiries as to whether we are motivated by the forces of self-preservation or by an innate regard for others.

3. Shop Class: A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

When I took shop in high school, we learned how to make ashtrays and birdfeeders from a textbook called something like “Modern Woodworking.” Nancy uses a far more interesting textbook called “Booby Traps & Improvised Anti-Personnel Devices” to lay traps all around her house to help in her fight against Krueger. In doing so, she demonstrates some impressive skills, such as carefully drilling a hole into a fragile light bulb, installing a bolt on her bedroom door, engineering a trigger mechanism for her sledgehammer trap, and making a tripwire. Her creations are, of course, far deadlier than birdfeeders, but probably more useful.

4. Driver’s Ed: Duel (1971)

Nothing in Steven Spielberg’s first feature-length film is as horrifying or bloody as Highways of Agony, the film I saw in my driver’s education class, but Duel is a taut study in psychological horror and an arguably better primer for any student wanting to learn the rules of the road. During the film, the road-weary David Mann must learn how to safely pass a wildly unpredictable motorist, how to handle a narrow, curvy road, what to do if your bumper gets stuck in a school bus, and how to maintain proper engine temperature while driving at a steep incline.

5. Art History: The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (1920)

Robert Wiene’s film is widely regarded as a foundational moment in the horror genre. It’s also a visually engaging introduction to the development of expressionism and surrealism. With its hand-painted sets that depict an exaggerated and askew world, it’s the perfect introduction to the expressionist idea that that external is a representation of internal psychological states. And with its emphasis on somnambulism and altered states, it’s also a good introduction to the surrealist aesthetic that our lives are far stranger, but also more interesting when we escape the confines of our rational, bourgeois trappings.

6. Biology: Rabid (1977)

When I took biology in high school, we dissected formaldehyde soaked frogs. While I still remember marveling at just how tiny a frog’s brain really is, I didn’t really learn anything that impacts my daily life or how I think about the human condition. David Cronenberg, on the other hand, has made a career out of making biologically-themed horror films that explore the fact that our existence is far more radically viral and prone to contamination than we’d like to think. In particular, his film Rabid would make a great introduction to viral biology and the logistics of immunology. And because the film stars Marilyn Chambers, it could also be used in health and sex-education classes.

• The Best Eye Trauma Moments in Horror
  Day of the Woman
  I hope BJ-C keeps these collaborations with The Horror Digest going. I’d love to see them tackle the best traumatic moments of all the major bodily organs.
• Trade-a-Life
  Vegan Voorhees
  It’s true that in a perfect world, Busta Rhymes would have never survived Halloween: Resurrection.
• Slashers and Urban Legends: The Baby-Sitter and the Man Upstairs
  Retro Slashers
  A short but smart homage to one of slasher film’s most important foundations.
• The Wettest Way to Die: Showers of Doom
  Fascination with Fear
  A visual history of another one of slasher film’s most important foundations.
• The Five Least Horrifying Horror Movie Boxes I Could Find Before I Got Bored Of Looking For Them
  In It For the Kills
  This is one of those posts that I wish I’d thought of. But I didn’t. So go to read it at the fabulous In It For the Kills.
• There Are No Words
  Final Girl
  In her review of American Psycho 2, Satcie manages to reference la “chupacabras” and coin the term “shenanihoax.” This right here is how it’s done, folks.

email suggestions for next week’s community highlights to jon@evilontwolegs.com

• Mad science: Are we inherently tasty?
  And Now the Screaming Starts
  I love the morbid but utterly fascinating premise of this post.
• Horror Blogger Cuisine: Food & Horror Movies
  The Paradise of Horror
  And just in case the previous entry made you hungry, here are some horror-inspired dishes that you CAN actually cook and eat.
• Who Would Be Your Neighbor?
  The Horror Digest
  If you’ve ever wondered who’d make a better neighbor, the Tall Man from Phantasm or Bub the Zombie, then this post is for you. And if you haven’t ever pondered that question, this post is STILL for you.
• My Conundrum about Funny Games
  The Girl Who Loves Horror
  I completely understand the conundrum. Funny Games is one of those rare movies that gave me an uncomfortableness that I really didn’t care to have. Why do we horror fans watch movies like that?
• Bringing on the Fear: Part 3 — Mirrors and Windows
  Fascination with Fear
  This is the most comprehensive survey of windows and mirrors used in horror films as you’re likely to find.
• Top 10 Horror Movies of 2010
  The Jaded Viewer
  This is another terrific retrospective of 2010 that suggests I need to pay more attention this year. I missed “Babysitter Wanted” completely. Also, I agree with the Jaded Viewer that shaky-cam films haven’t become redundant yet, but the glut of 3D movies in 2010 was largely unimpressive.

email suggestions for next week’s community highlights to jon@evilontwolegs.com

Brandon Sinclair in Witchboard (1986)

This film hinges on the fact that Brandon Sinclair is a wannabe professor of the occult with a concentration in the kooky art of the Oujia board. All of his pretentious, pseudo-academic vocabulary can’t change the fact that his beloved Ouija board is basically a child’s game popularized by Parker Brothers. But what makes Brandon a world-class douchebag is that he brings this Oujia board to a party and then dominates the conversation with it, even when it’s clear that nobody else cares about it. Douchebags like Brandon simply can’t fathom the idea that people aren’t as interested in their dumb hobbies as they are. Then, to make matters worse, he leaves it behind when he finally goes home. If he had simply left his stupid Ouija board in the car, and brought a Pepsi or a bag of chips to the party like a normal person, then Linda would have never found his Ouija board and fooled around with it, thus provoking the wrath of the evil spirit Malfeitor.

Mr. Teague in Poltergeist (1982)

One of the recurring themes in horror films is that the safety and seclusion of suburbia is an illusion. In Poltergeist, it only takes one douchebag to ruin suburban bliss for everyone when Steve learns that his swimming pool, cozy little house, and entire neighborhood was built on an old graveyard. And Mr. Teague, his boss and real estate mogul in charge of the neighborhood’s development, never bothered to move the bodies. This means that Steve has been having his blissful backyard barbecues on top of some very dead, but very angry spirits. This would be horrific enough, but it’s the callous disregard for decency that makes Mr. Teague a true douchebag of villainous proportions.

Dr. Crews in Friday the 13th Part 7: The New Blood (1988)

This franchise really needed part 7. The previous two films were disappointing, but part 7 is arguably one of the best in the entire series. So, in a way, I guess I should be thankful that Dr. Crews was such a manipulative, selfish douchebag in the way that he treats Tina Shepard. Had he been a decent and caring doctor, and not chosen to study and exploit Tina’s telekinetic powers by taking her to the very spot where her father was brutally murdered, then Tina wouldn’t have psychically spazzed out enough to inadvertently resurrect Jason. It’s hard to say, really, who’s worse – Jason or Dr. Crews. For instance, in a shocking display of his true nature, Crews uses Tina’s mother as a human shield. Mercifully, Jason puts an end to the doctor’s evil douchebag rampage by killing him with a saw.

Billy Nolan in Carrie (1976)

Billy Nolan is greasy, mean, and stupid – the perfect douchebag. While Chris is the actual villain of the film, and the one who hates Carrie the most, she could not have carried out her plans to humiliate Carrie without the help of Billy. He doesn’t have anything against Carrie, but a douchebag doesn’t need any real or deep-seated motivation. They just go with their misguided instincts and primal urges. His girlfriend Chris tells him to kill a pig, drain its blood, and then hang it in a bucket above the gymnasium, and so that’s exactly what he does. And the resulting mayhem caused by a blood-drenched Carrie is now a horror film classic.

Juno in The Descent (2005)

Traditionally, the status of douchebag is reserved for males who take their reckless and brazen behavior to shocking new heights of selfishness or stupidity. However, Juno is the undisputed heavy-weight champ and queen mother of all douchebags. First, she has an affair with her friend’s husband, and even carries around a gift she received from him even after he’s killed in a car accident. And then she has the gall to “apologize” for not being around her friend so much after the accident. Also, when she accidentally injures another friend, Beth, she does nothing to help her, and instead panics and leaves her behind to die. In true douchebag fashion, Juno’s instinct for self-preservation trumps all other concerns. An equally audacious and unforgivable act is her decision to take an inexperienced, already traumatized group into dangerous, unexplored cave system, while lying about it and insisting that she knows exactly where she’s going. It’s the sort of wildly reckless, smug confidence that is at the heart of being a douchebag. And, of course, had she simply taken them to the cave she was supposed to, they wouldn’t have had their disastrous encounter with a murderous race of underground cave mutants.

the layout of my awards are similar to last year, with best films & documentaries, worst films, and special categories for particularly surprising or disappointing films. oddly, the same as last year, a single director appears both in my “best” list and my “most disappointing” list, something i didn’t notice until i’d already finished compiling it. last year, director toby wilkins appeared in the “best” category with SPLINTER and in the “most disappointing” list with THE GRUDGE 3. this year, adam green found his way into both categories. both directors are very active on twitter and seem like nice guys, so i can only assume this is a trend that will continue next year with yet another friendly director who loves to tweet finding his way to make one film i love and one that doesn’t quite live up to my (probably unreasonably high) expectations. mark that down as my prediction for 2011.

the best horror films of 2010

#10

SAW 3D

the latest tri-dimensional entry into the SAW franchise is far from perfect, but a damn sight better than some of the later entries (i’m looking at you 4 & 5). the 3d is fun, and the triumphant return of a principal character from the original made this a very enjoyable, if not horribly original, “ending” to the series (i trust this being the last entry as much as i did THE FINAL CHAPTER and FREDDY’S DEAD.)

#9

SPLICE

SPLICE starts off weird, and then just keeps getting stranger and more depraved. not every choice pays off in the film, but regardless a lot of the storyline and visual directions were brave, whether they all worked or not. a little inconsistent, but definitely worth a view from cronenberg fans or genetic scientists who wish their profession involved more kinky sex.

#8

THE CRAZIES

one of films i’m embarrassed to say i’ve never seen is george romero’s THE CRAZIES. it’s on netflix instant, so i really have no excuse. after seeing this slick, enjoyable remake, i may have to finally sit down and watch the original, because if it it’s anything like the new one, then i’m missing out. the remake features some great suspense moments, likable characters and law enforcement (timothy olyphant and his deputy) wearing some disturbingly tight pants (maybe that’s an iowa fashion thing i’m unaware of).

#7

THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE

i went into THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE like most — equally horrified and intrigued at the film’s simple premise, but not expecting much beyond that. i was shocked to find a clever and surprisingly restrained thriller with some great and (in the case of dieter laser) incredibly creepy performances.

#6

PIRANHA 3D

this is a remake of a film that was itself a blatant rip-off of another, more successful movie about a shark eating people. if that sounds like something you might like, then i doubt you’ll be disappointed by this tongue-in-cheek and ridiculously gory and nudity filled 3d extravaganza.

#5

THE LAST EXORCISM

i have yet to tire of these shaky-cam horror films when they’re done well, and this one is. doesn’t quite reach the heights of creepiness that BLAIR WITCH and PARANORMAL ACTIVITY achieved, but still well worth checking out.

#4

BURIED

in the hitchcockian tradition set by LIFEBOAT and ROPE, BURIED is an exercise in filmmaking. in this case, the exercise is setting an entire movie in a closed coffin. there are no cheats here… no flashbacks or dream sequences. this is an hour and a half of ryan reynolds stuck in a box. you’d think that’d be a hard thing to make tense and interesting for 90 minutes, but this film did it.

#3

FROZEN

adam green’s FROZEN is similar to BURIED in that the majority of the film takes place with people trapped in a single location (here it’s a stopped chair lift). it also shares the same serious tone, with the very occasional moment of dark comedy thrown in to alleviate the near-constant tension. a welcome departure from green’s over-the-top silliness exhibited in the HATCHET series.

#2

LET ME IN

i have not seen LET ME IN, but i am including it in the number two slot anyway, because that’s the kind of shit-house-rat crazy bastard i am. i wouldn’t blame you if that makes you disregard my opinion or this list, but bear with me. every review i’ve read of this film (at least the ones written by people i trust) says the same thing — “almost, but not quite as good as the original.” since i know exactly how i feel about the original, i’m going to trust my fellow horror reviewers on this one (well, at least until it hits blu-ray). after seeing it, i will add an addendum^* to this entry stating whether my educated guess on its placement on this list was accurate or not — but i’m almost certain it would reside here, if not higher. ^*after seeing LET ME IN, it would definitely either be in the #2 slot or tied with #1. i’m planning to look at the film more closely in an upcoming post.

#1

LAKE MUNGO

this film was the biggest holy crap that was better than i ever thought it would be moment of 2010, which would definitely place it on my “most surprising” list if it weren’t already residing at the top of this one. i’d kind of given up on the 8films2die4 gimmick as the films usually range from the terribly bad to the terribly mediocre and this one looked to be more of the same (although, to mix things up, it also looked to be “terribly australian”). i wouldn’t blame you if you missed this one, but i urge you to go back and give it another chance. PARANORMAL ACTIVITY left me a little unsettled when the curtain fell, but LAKE MUNGO had me feeling ill-at-ease hours after it’d finished. if you’re a fan of ghost stories and faux documentaries, this is one of the best out there.

the worst horror films of 2010

LEGION

LEGION is like THE PROPHECY but without christopher walken or anything else cool or interesting. the trailers centered around an ice-cream man opening his mouth real wide which seemed like an odd choice, until i saw the film and realized that was the least crappy two seconds in the whole film.

THE RIG

i normally try not to come down too hard on low-budget films, but this one is damn near unwatchable. other films this year managed to come up with something slightly interesting with limited resources, but THE RIG fails to even make william forsythe seem cool, a feat i’d previously thought impossible. this monster tale on an oil rig (which looks suspiciously like a high school in most scenes) redefines tedium and is the only film this year that caused me to literally yell at it, begging it to just, please, end already.

the best horror documentaries of 2010

NEVER SLEEP AGAIN: THE ELM STREET LEGACY

similar to last year’s voorhees’-centric documentary HIS NAME WAS JASON, this in-depth look at the ELM STREET series is far slicker and engaging.

BEST WORST MOVIE

this bizarre but oddly touching look into the making of and current lives of those involved in the cult classic TROLL 2 is well worth seeing, regardless of whether you’re familiar with the film it examines.

the most surprising horror films of 2010

BURNING BRIGHT

when i first read the description of BURNING BRIGHT on netflix (woman is trapped in a house with a circus tiger), my initial thought was “there’s no way i’m adding that to my queue.” after a moment’s reflection, that quickly changed to “that sounds so stupid, there’s no way i’m not moving that up to #1 in my queue.” i’m glad i changed my mind as this turned out to be a surprisingly tension-filled film, despite a few minor short-comings (mainly due to budget limitations, i suspect).

NIGHT OF THE DEMONS

i’ve always had a soft spot for the 1980s NIGHT OF THE DEMONS, so when i heard it was getting a straight-to-video remake, i was not particularly optimistic. however, the new version far exceeded my expectations, retaining the same silly tone of the original while adding some interesting new plot points and imaginative special effects. also it features a scene where people’s lives depend on how fast they can trace, which must be a horror film first.

the most disappointing horror films of 2010

DEVIL

after the beat-you-over-the-head ya-gotta-have-faith message at the end of SIGNS (which, apart from that bit, i kind of liked), i should have known that m. night shamalamadingdong could not possibly treat the idea of satan trapped in an elevator any less subtly. i was optimistic though given he did not direct it himself, but that optimism was misplaced. DEVIL has a few good moments and some decent scares (even if it uses the same ones over and over again), but the overall effect, theme and tacked on “moral” of the film felt insultingly lame.

HATCHET 2

i have mixed feelings about the first HATCHET because it’s just so damn silly and hardly the return to “old school american horror” that it billed itself as, but i had to admit it was an often funny and entertaining film. the news that fan-favorite danielle harris would be joining the sequel gave me high hopes that it might eclipse the first, but those hopes were smashed against the rocks minutes into my pay-per-view screening of HATCHET 2. the sequel keeps the over-the-top gruesome deaths of the original film, but makes the bizarre choice to be just as silly but not nearly as funny as its predecessor. if it’s not scary and it’s not funny, then you’d think that with a slasher film you’d at least be able to enjoy looking at some young, attractive people talking about sororities and fumbling with bra straps before being killed — but there too you’d be wrong, as the people being hunted by victor crowley are almost all middle-aged, slightly over-weight hunters and bikers (with the exception of harris, of course). despite dying in the last film, parry shen returns, but is completely underused and is never given the chance to be as funny and interesting as he was in HATCHET. i give adam green huge props for going up against the mpaa and standing up for independent horror, and i loved FROZEN, but i was horribly underwhelmed by victor crowley’s second outing.

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Microwaves

Microwave ovens are not as dangerous as people think. They won’t explode if you accidentally microwave a metal spoon in your bowl of soup. They don’t emit dangerous radiation (they omit non-ionizing radiation, which is different from x-rays or the radioactive fallout that created Godzilla). But if you see a microwave oven in a horror movie, it will inevitably be used to kill something. Gremlins (1984) features a famous example, but microwaves have also been used as weapons in Superstition (1982), Evil Laugh (1988), The Last House on the Left (2009), and the infamously bad Microwave Massacre (1983).

Cymbal Clanging Monkeys

I don’t know who decided that a cymbal clanging monkey would be a good child’s toy. For one, they’re weird and creepy, but more than that, they’re pretty lame, as far as toys go, as they don’t really do that much. But in a horror film, these harmless toys are always the harbinger of death and doom. In The Devil’s Gift (1984), a woman accidentally summons an evil spirit who then inhabits a toy monkey, an idea that some people claim was ripped off from the short story “The Monkey,” by Stephen King. And an evil-looking toy monkey is used in the trailers for Monkey Shines (1988). The movie wasn’t really that scary and featured real monkeys, but the trailer gave me nightmares as a kid.

Garbage Disposals

When I was a kid, I lost my beloved Chewbacca action figure to the evil teeth of a garbage disposal. But I’ve never heard of an actual garbage disposal related injury, let alone a fatality involving one. You’re far more likely to injure yourself taking the garbage out the curb. But if you ever see anyone using a garbage disposal in a horror film, there is no doubt at all that someone’s hand will get stuck and severely mauled in it. In Halloween: H20 (1998), Michael Myers uses a garbage disposal to finish off Charlie, who has foolishly stuck his hand down the drain to fish out his corkscrew. Death by garbage disposal is also featured in Amityville 4: The Evil Escapes (1989).

Children’s Dolls

Cymbal clanging monkeys aren’t the only children’s toys to be used in horror films. In fact, any child’s toy you see in a horror movie will likely kill someone. But especially dolls. I suppose they’re inherently spooky because they’re basically dead, or at least inanimate, versions of human beings. And it’s scary when toys become evil because they’re so innocent and intimate. If our own toys turn against us, then it means the world really has become an evil place. The X-Files episode “Chinga,” co-written by Stephen King features a murderous porcelain doll that exerts an evil influence. Evil dolls are also featured in Magic (1978), Puppet Master (1989), Dolls (1985), and, of course, the Child’s Play series.

Mirrors

No one has ever died from looking in the mirror, no matter how monstrous your bed head or morning hangover might make you look. And despite the fact that every household in America has a mirror in it, they’re always the gateway to hell or some other nether region in horror films. Of course, legends and folktales about the sinister aspect of mirrors has been around for a very long time, but anyone who looks in one in a horror film is absolutely asking for trouble. Often, they are metaphors for the fact that the world as we think we see and know it is not real or safe, and mirrors offer a glimpse into a darker, distorted reality beyond our everyday existence. For instance, in the one of the first horror films ever made, the J. Searle Dawley version of Frankenstein produced in 1911, the protagonist looks into a mirror and sees his own reflection turn into a monster. And every suspense film in the last thirty years has a scene in which someone closes a bathroom mirror, or looks into a bathroom mirror, to reveal someone standing ominously in the background – An American Werewolf in London is a prime example. Of course, the most famous instance of a horrifying encounter with a mirror is the legend of Bloody Mary which has been scaring the hell out of pre-teens at slumber parties for at least the last 50 years. Versions of it have been used in the television shows The X-Files and Supernatural, and in films such as Candyman (2006).

Televisions

My eyes were glued to the television for the bulk of my adolescence, and I still have 20/20 vision and a life-long love of books, so I don’t think television is as dangerous my parents told me. But if you see a television featured prominently in a horror film, there is a 100 percent chance that someone’s head will be shoved through it, or that something horrifying will come out of it to kill and/or torment everyone in the vicinity of its diabolical glow. My favorite depiction of a killer television is Cronenberg’s 1983 film Videodrome. It’s a serious look at Marshall McLuhan’s famous theories prevalent in the 80s that new technologies, including television, have shaped our sense of reality to the degree that what is “real” now exists in purely mediated forms. Our media, the film suggests, shapes and defines us as much as we shape it. In recent horror films, killer televisions are being replaced with computers, but the message is the same – there’s a dangerous, mysterious “ghost” in our machines that we can’t always predict or govern. But for classic examples of killer televisions check out Poltergeist (1982) and A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987).

for horror dvds/blu-rays, i would recommend checking one of these sites:

• upcominghorrormovies.com
• arrow in the head dvd release news

personally, i always used best buy and amazon to compile my posts and plan my own shopping/rental list. each lets you show all dvds/blu-rays being released for a particular week, and even let you filter by genre.

netflix dvd/watch instantly releases are also easy to find, simply by subscribing to these two rss feeds. each comes directly from netflix, with one giving you a complete list of dvd/blu-rays as they become available for rental and the other showing films as they are added to netflix’s watch instantly service.

• netflix new releases (dvd/blu-ray)
• new netflix choices to watch instantly

for those of you that found our dvd release posts helpful, my apologies for the inconvenience. hopefully, like me, you’ll be able to use one or more of the above sites in scheduling your future horror media consumption needs.

Devil (2010)
Five strangers trapped in an elevator realize that one of them is the Devil in this thriller from director John E. Dowdle (Quarantine) and screenwriter Brian Nelson (Hard Candy, 30 Days of Night). The first installment of “The Night Chronicles,” a film series in which up-and-coming filmmakers bring to life stories conceived by M. Night Shyamalan, Devil opens to find five Philadelphia office workers filing into the elevator of an inner-city office building. But a typical day at the office takes a sudden detour into terror when the elevator becomes stuck between floors, and the passengers discover that the Devil does exist, and he’s standing right before them. As emergency workers work frantically to free them, secrets are revealed and the passengers realize their only hope for survival is to confront their darkest sins in front of the others.

Dismal (2009)
A group of Biology students fight for their lives against a relentless killer during a research trip into the Great Dismal Swamp. Desperate to pass her class when her grades start to plummet, failing student Dana agrees to brave the swamp with her floundering teaching assistant and four horny classmates. But just as their research gets underway, a relentless killer appears with the intention of devouring them one-by-one.

Amateur Porn Star Killer Trilogy

La Horde (2009)
Police searching for some bloodthirsty criminals instead find themselves battling the walking dead in this action-packed horror vehicle from France.

Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus (2010)
A gigantic, immensely powerful shark does battle with a fierce primordial crocodile from Africa.

New on Netflix Watch Instantly

• Finale (2009)
• Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Undead (1009)

email suggestions for next week’s community highlights to jon@evilontwolegs.com

Resonnances (2006)
A group of friends embark on a bizarre and frightening journey into the French countryside in this inventive low-budget shocker from first-time feature filmmaker Philippe Robert. Thomas, Yan, and Vincent are on their way to a cookout with Karine, Elodie, and Tina when their cars get separated in the mountains, and the boys run out of gas in an area said to be haunted by a female apparition known as the White Lady.

Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus / Mega Piranha (2009/2010)
When two enormous prehistoric creatures contend for supremacy of the sea, the California coast becomes the setting for a showdown that’s been centuries in the making. Lorenzo Lamas and Deborah Gibson star. / A gigantic school of mutant piranha makes their way up to Florida from South America while devouring anyone – and anything – that gets in their way. Tiffany, Paul Logan, and Barry Williams star.

Killjoy 3 (2010)
Anyone who suffered through the first two KILLJOY movies and lived to tell about it will be pleasantly surprised with this third entry, which is the only tolerable film in the series. Killjoy the demonic killer clown is back, but this time he has brought along his own insane clown posse to terrorize a house filled with college kids on Spring Break! After writing the controversial hit DEADGIRL and starring in countless B-movie schlockers, Trent Haaga returns to the role of Killjoy with a darker and more comical performance than before.

Slave (2009)
A modern day slave trader abducts an American girl in Spain, prompting her devoted boyfriend to drudge up some dark family secrets as he races to save her from a fate worse than death.

Dear Mr. Gacy (2010)
William Forsythe stars as John Wayne Gacy in this shocking drama detailing the bizarre relationship between the notorious serial killer and the clever college student who put his own sanity on the line in a bid to get the information the police couldn’t. Inspired by author Jason Moss’ autobiographical book The Last Victim, Dear Mr. Gacy follows overachieving student Moss (Jesse Moss) as he establishes contact with the killer in prison for a classroom assignment. Determined to gain Gacy’s trust, Moss assumes the role of a sheepish teen enamored with the prolific psychopath. Following a series of intensely personal phone calls in which both the writer and his subject laid bare their most intimate secrets, Moss ventures behind prison walls for a private meeting with Gacy. Little did Moss realize he was playing with fire; in his bid to manipulate Gacy into divulging untold details about his notorious murder spree, the probing student granted his twisted subject unprecedented access to his own fragile psyche – a fateful misstep that eventually cost the author his life when he committed suicide in June of 2006.

Vampire Circus (1972)
A little girl is brutally slain by a vampire in a tiny 19th century Austrian village. Seeking revenge, the townspeople invade the foreboding castle of Count Mitterhaus and kill him for the crime. As the Count dies, he curses the villagers and vows that their children will all die so that he may someday return to life. Fifteen years later, as the village is ravaged by the plague, a traveling circus comes to town and distracts the villagers from their current hardships. Little do they know that their troubles are only beginning! The circus is actually a troupe of shape-shifting vampires and, as the local children start disappearing, they realize the prophecy of the long dead Count is coming true.

New on Netflix Watch Instantly

• The Vampire’s Ghost (1945)
• Cronos (1993)
• Don’t Look Up (2009)

for the most part, i avoid these types of things — but not always. sometimes i see a new special edition of something with some sort of novel packaging and think, “hey, i really need that.” every time i end up regretting this decision because for some reason, in the heat of the spending frenzy, i can never seem to remember what i’m instantly reminded of when i get home with the item — that none of this crap will fit on my effing shelf. with that in mind, i present to you six such items and a peak into my poor purchasing choices of the past.

THE DARK NIGHT (ridiculous bat mask edition)
i think i got this thing at target, because it was $5 cheaper than the normal packaging. every time i see this oddly shaped, difficult to open and horribly inefficient design on my shelf, i think that that would have been a well spent five dollars.

HELLRAISER (silly tin box edition)
this one looks pretty cool, but does it really need to be so damn tall? there’s nothing inside it that would require such a size — the dvds are simply sitting inside the tin in a normal 2-disc cd case.

TOTAL RECALL (ludicrous mars tin edition)
this is really the only dvd i own that has a tendency to roll off the damn shelf. when browsing my collection, people often ask what this is, assuming i’ve just placed an old tin of really crappy looking candy on my shelf in the sci-fi section. if any other films had ever copied this idea, our collections would become unbrowsable since not only is there no way to identify this film from the side — the title of the film appears nowhere on the case, meaning you have to open it to know it’s TOTAL RECALL.

LOST (frickin’ huge edition)
one of the good things about dvd/blu-ray packaging is that, over time, the size of the packaging has been decreasing. remember those huge dvd sets of television season (i’m looking at you X-FILES and BUFFY)… well, now they’ve all been re-released in slim dvd packs or, if the show is on blu-ray, even slimmer blu-ray sets. LOST said “fuck you” to all that and released the single largest television box set i’ve seen. this one won’t even fit on the shelf awkwardly — this one i had to put on top of the shelf (next to tom servo and crow).

LEGO HARRY POTTER (crazily tall edition)
this isn’t a movie, but it follows the same logic. i bought this game for my wife because the way i am about horror — she’s that way about harry potter. i got the special edition because i knew she’d want all the making-of and behind-the-scenes featurettes, as well as the hogwarts house fridge magnets. i suppose they had to put those things somewhere, but couldn’t it have been thicker instead of taller? as it is, i have to lay it on its side to store it on our shelves or in my special “games we’re playing a lot of go in this drawer” drawer next to the tv.

EVIL DEAD II (stupid tin box edition)
almost identical to the HELLRAISER tin box, this suffers from the same issues. this is another one of those films i’ve owned more than half a dozen different versions of over the years… including the little rubber “book of the dead” edition that screams when you touch it. i would have included that in this list as well, but it does actually fit on my shelf as it’s same the height of a dvd case, so i’ll leave it alone. apart from the occasional shock when my shelf screams at me for touching it, that edition is actually both practically sized and cool.

Cronos: Criterion Edition (1993)
This surreal variant on the classic vampire tale is the directorial debut of Mexican filmmaker Guillermo del Toro, who garnered international acclaim and several awards. The film tells the story of elderly antique dealer Jesus Gris (Federico Luppi, in a role originally written for Max Von Sydow) who, with his eight-year-old granddaughter Aurora (Tamara Shanath), discovers an ancient artifact secreted within a statue obtained from the estate of a 16th-century alchemist. Unbeknownst to Gris, the device — which resembles an ornate, gilded mechanical beetle — houses an immortal parasite which will grant eternal life to its host.

Harpoon: Whale Watching Massacre (2009)
A whale watching trip goes horribly awry for a group of unsuspecting tourists in this darkly comic Icelandic shocker starring Gunnar Hansen (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre). After the captain of the whale watching ship is badly injured and his first mate attempts to sexually assault a passenger, the terrified sight-seers flag down a decommissioned whaling vessel, and climb aboard. Little do the fleeing passengers realize that their presumed saviors are the worst kind of psychos imaginable. Now the longer the tourists spend on the high seas, the slimmer their chances become of ever making it back to shore alive.

Shiver of the Vampires (1970)
French cult director Jean Rollin had his roots in the avant-garde film movement, so it’s no surprise that many of his early films are nearly unwatchable. This vexing piece of psychedelic nonsense concerns newlyweds Antonio and Ise, who visit an old castle owned by the bride’s dead cousins. When Ise is too grief-stricken to consummate her marriage, a vampire named Isolde pops out of a grandfather clock and plays with Ise’s breasts then takes her to the cemetery and bites her neck. Isolde is joined by two lesbian servants and Ise’s undead cousins — a pair of bourgeois male vampires who wear hippie clothes and spout incomprehensible philosophy.

The Living Dead Girl (1982)
Gloomy and atmospheric, this is Rollin at his best and one of Redemption’s bestsellers. Available uncut for the first time, with over 4 minutes restored from the original. Will appeal to hardcore fans and mainstream gore-fiends alike. A toxic spill revives a beautiful, dead heiress (Francoise Blanchard as a zombified Paris Hilton lookalike) who, with the help of her childhood friend, must quench her overpowering bloodlust. An unholy mix of sex, zombies & vampires with a stunning & extremely gory finale.

Fistful of Brains (2010)
The town of Shadowhawk is overrun by zombies when it gets caught in a war between two mysterious brothers. One of the brothers has sold the townsfolk his magical elixir promising them immortality. What he doesn t tell them is that he s recruiting them for his zombie army, and they will develop an unquenchable hunger for human flesh! The Sheriff s daughter Lily and her so-called half brother Jack are helplessly entwined in the battle and have to decide if it s better to fight them or join them and embrace immortality.

The Wasp Woman (1959)
This DVDTee includes both a DVD of the 1960, Wasp Woman, and a tee shirt featuring the poster art. In this sci-fi/horror classic, a fluid from queen bees is extracted and used in a potion as a Youth Serum promises to be the new product for a sagging cosmetic company. The founder of the company wants to be the one to test it. She uses too much and becomes… the wasp woman!

New to Blu-Ray

• Videodrome Criterion Edition (1983)

New on Netflix Watch Instantly

• American Crime (2004)
• After.Life (2009)
• Lord of Illusions (1995)
• Friday the 13th Part 7: The New Blood (1988)
• Friday the 13th Part 8: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989)
• From Within (2008)
• Slaughter (2009)
• The Keep (1983)
• The Hillside Strangler (2004)
• Koma (2004)
• Whispering Corridors 3: Wishing Stairs (2003)
• The Murders in the Rue Morgue (1986)
• Sorum (2001)
• Face (2004)
• Unborn but Forgotten (2002)
• Spider Forest (2004)
• Ab-Normal Beauty (2004)
• R-Point (2006)
• Pray (2005)
• The Heirloom (2005)
• The Maid (2005)
• Ghost of Mae Nak (2005)
• Sheitan (2006)
• Bloody Reunion (2006)
• Slaughter Night (2006)
• Dorm (2006)
• Carved: The Slit Mouthed Woman (2007)
• The Victim (2006)
• In the Spider’s Web (2007)
• Croc (2007)
• Eye of the Beast (2007)
• Grizzly Rage (2007)
• Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (2008)
• The Sitter (2007)
• Hybrid (2007)
• The Hive (2008)
• Something Beneath (2007)
• Vipers (2008)
• Black Swarm (2007)
• Swamp Devil (2008)

email suggestions for next week’s community highlights to jon@evilontwolegs.com

i’ve always had mixed feelings about the original HATCHET, but as time has gone on and especially after hearing adam green’s new commentary on the blu-ray release (where he details his fight with the mpaa and the emotional toll it took on him), i’ve developed quite an appreciation and fondness for it’s over-the-top, largely comedic take on the slasher formula. i was quite excited when i heard it’s sequel would be released unrated theatrically (a bold move for a horror film these days), and was equally disappointed when it was pulled from theaters for still unknown reasons a day or two into its limited theatrical release.

however, there is now some good news on the HATCHET 2 front. the film will be showing up on comcast and time warner’s on-demand streaming services soon, unrated. originally slated for release on the first of december, there has apparently been some delay. but according to the director’s twitter account, the delay is only temporary, and might come with a silver lining.

“Hearing On-Demand pushed Hatchet 2 back just two days (Friday the 3rd) but that there might be wicked good news and reason why! More soon.” ~ @adam_fn_green

Grotesque (2009)
A maniacal doctor abducts a young couple, forcing them to endure unspeakable torments while methodically breaking their spirits until they have no possible hope for survival. Banned in the UK.

Hide And Go Kill (2008)
An enigmatic blog becomes a viral sensation, and serves as the catalyst for a treacherous online game in which participants must stab a teddy bear stuffed with nails and rice, and submerged in a bathtub in a darkened restroom. When the participants begin to display signs of possession, a once playful game takes on decidedly ominous undertones.

Hide And Go Kill 2 (2009)
A young student makes a horrifying discovery about a popular online game when her friend, a regular player, vanishes without a trace. Just before Ritsuko disappeared, she had become obsessed with a wildly popular game of hide and seek played over the internet. As Ryoko searches desperately for her missing friend, she discovers that the game has some unsettling connection to the world of the occult, and attempts to conquer her fear of the unknown in order to solve the puzzle and save Ritsuko.

New to Netflix Instant

• Frankenstein (2004)
• The Keep (1983)
• Zombie Stippers (2008)
• The Nun (2005)
• Waxwork (1988)
• Madhouse (1974)

every once in a while a director or producer gets control of a franchise and decides to shake things up by trying something drastically original. this rarely ends well. below are my personal picks for the biggest “wtf?” slasher sequels that left fans scratching their heads and bewildered when walking to their cars from the theater. normally when i make these lists, the order is irrelevant — but here i’ve actually ranked them from the smallest wtf? to the biggest wtf?, based on how loud i yelled the phrase once the credits rolled.

#5 – WES CRAVEN’S NEW NIGHTMARE

this actually isn’t that bad of an entry in the NIGHTMARE series, but boy is it odd. more meta than meta, this film turns the camera around, blurring the line between fiction and reality by taking place in world where a guy named wes craven wrote and directed the original A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET. the film follows the original cast/crew of the first film, as the world’s knowledge and fear of freddy krueger is actually bringing his fictional character into our world, and he’s targeting his creators. for the most part, the idea of a demon stalking people in their dreams remains intact, so this film elicited a rather meager “wtf?” from me at its conclusion, but those who went in without much knowledge of ELM STREET‘s imdb page and were expecting a more traditional freddy krueger film were probably far more perplexed.

#4 – THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE 2

the original TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE has its moments of dark comedy, but most audiences missed them due to being in shock from the overwhelming terror they had experienced from the film’s other 82.5 minutes. it also featured a surprising restraint in the gore department, showing very little on-screen violence and almost no blood — which didn’t lessen the impact of the film in the slightest (and may have actually heightened it). its sequel, released 12 years later, confused audiences by pretty much reversing everything i just said about the original. while the basic idea of a family killing and eating people remains intact, very little of the horror does. TEXAS CHAINSAW 2 is, in many ways, more of an action/adventure film than horror, with copious amounts of dark humor and political allegory thrown in for good measure. it also features some of the most over-the-top gore ever recorded on film, thanks to the work of tom savini. like most, i now love TEXAS CHAINSAW 2 as much as the original, but it took many years for that appreciation to grow because of the huge divide in tone and intent of the two films.

#3 – JASON GOES TO HELL

regardless of what you call it (JASON GOES TO HELL, FRIDAY THE 13th PART 9, THE FINAL FRIDAY, etc.), this film kinda sucks. it has its moments (e.g., creighton duke describing what he thinks of when he hears the name “jason voorhees” and the tent kill), but largely this is just a big ‘ol turd. the primary reason for this is that when you go to see a FRIDAY THE 13th film, you’re expecting to see jason. particularly when the effing title of the film starts with his name. instead, what we received was a jason-as-the-bread sandwich, with 3 minutes of jason at the beginning, another 3 minutes at the end, filled in the middle with 85 minutes of a body-hopping demon slug. i understand cunningham wanted to take the series in a new direction, but he really needed to choose a different one. because there is nothing down the road in that particular direction other than tears, pain and disappointment.

#2 – FRIDAY THE 13th PART 5: A NEW BEGINNING

perhaps the impact of the ninth FRIDAY THE 13th sequel was lessened because the series had already faced an even bigger “wtf?” moment years earlier with part five. to be fair, the subtitle does tell you right there, straight up, we’re beginning something kinda new here. what it doesn’t mention is that “something kinda new” equates to “something kinda shitty.” just look at the poster. it’s just words, and the biggest word of all on it is “JASON.” a reasonable person might think that implies that jason is featured prominently in the film… well, that reasonable person isn’t really as reasonable as you thought because they would be wrong. instead of the big triumphant return of jason voorhees, the big climax is the reveal that the killer is some guy named roy. roy, an extra who appeared in the film 80 minutes ago, who you probably don’t even remember and whose motivation doesn’t really make much sense. yeah, it was stupid in 1985 and it’s stupid now and, in all likelihood, it will be stupid for an indefinite time into the future. the producers got it right with the next sequel, by informing audiences right away in the title that “jason lives.” because i doubt they would have lined up around the block for FRIDAY THE 13th PART 6: ROY RETURNS.

#1 – HALLOWEEN 3: SEASON OF THE WITCH

now we’re to the big kahuna, the largest “wtf?” slasher film of them all. this one really bucks tradition because while the other four can at least be categorized roughly as “slasher films,” HALLOWEEN 3 cannot. it has something to do with robots and stonehenge and tom atkins screaming a lot (which is always fun to watch), but it has absolutely nothing to do with a guy in a white mask stabbing people. which, as i recall, was a pretty big part of HALLOWEEN and HALLOWEEN 2. this film has a cult following and actually isn’t that bad — but it should have been titled STONEHENGE DEATH BOTS or something, NOT HALLOWEEN 3. likely due to its financial performance, the studio learned its lesson and eventually released HALLOWEEN 4: THE RETURN OF MICHAEL MYERS, which is roughly the same thing as titling it HALLOWEEN 4: SORRY ABOUT THAT LAST CRAP-FEST, HERE’S WHAT YOU WERE LOOKING FOR. if you couldn’t read or were so traumatized by part three that you’d forgotten his name, they also put michael’s head on the poster so there’d be no ambiguity. it filled about 120% of the frame.

Best Worst Movie (2009)
Troll 2 star Michael Stephenson steps behind the camera to explore the phenomenon behind the low-budget Italian-produced horror sequel that young movie fanatics have christened “the Rocky Horror of our generation” in this documentary which proves that just because a movie is awful doesn’t mean it won’t find an audience. Twenty years ago, a group of inexperienced Utah actors teamed with an Italian-speaking production crew to shoot Troll 2. At the time it seemed like the production was a complete fiasco; little did they realize that they were making cinematic history. Flash forward two decades, when Troll 2 is playing to packed theaters across America, and fans of the film get the unique opportunity to find out just how this messterpiece came to be.

The Possession of David O’Reilly (2010)
Newly single and looking for a place to nurse his emotional wounds, dejected Londoner David O’Reilly (Giles Alderson) realizes that dark forces are following his every move while temporarily living in the apartment of an old friend. And though David refuses to talk about the strange visions and foreboding feelings that he’s been experiencing in the last few days, his friends will soon find out that he has every right to be afraid.

Exam (2008)
A roomful of strangers discovers their dreams of a new career may be more difficult and dangerous than they imagined in this psychological thriller. Eight bright and ambitious people are in the running for a position as a top executive with a major bio-engineering firm, and they’ve been invited to corporate headquarters to take a test that will determine who gets the job. The assembled applicants are met by a man calling himself the Invigilator (Colin Salmon) who explains the testing process — they’ll each be given a sheet of paper with a single question, and they have eighty minutes to answer it. If they leave the room, attempt to ask him questions, talk to the security guards or mark the question sheet, they will be immediately disqualified. The eight applicants learn this isn’t an ordinary test when they discover their question sheets are all blank, and the applicants are forced to turn to one to unravel the puzzle behind the cryptic question.

The Night of the Hunter: Criterion Collection Blu-Ray (1955)
The Night of the Hunter—incredibly, the only film the great actor Charles Laughton ever directed—is truly a standalone masterwork. A horror movie with qualities of a Grimm fairy tale, it stars a sublimely sinister Robert Mitchum (Cape Fear, The Friends of Eddie Coyle) as a traveling preacher named Harry Powell (he of the tattooed knuckles), whose nefarious motives for marrying a fragile widow, played by Shelley Winters (A Place in the Sun, The Diary of Anne Frank) are uncovered by her terrified young children.

Exhibit A (2010)
Exhibit A tells the timely story of a normal family disintegrating under financial pressure, eventually driven to the unimaginable. All is not as it seems as the King family go about their day-to-day lives oblivious of the horror to come. Dad Andy (Bradley Cole) is nursing a secret that ultimately leads to terrifying consequences for them all. We witness these chilling events unfold through daughter Julia’s (Brittany Ashworth) video camera, which subsequently becomes Exhibit A. Exhibit A is inspired by the many men in real life who are known to their neighbors as devoted husbands and fathers, but for unknowable reasons suddenly decide to take drastic action to protect their loved ones.

The Box of the Dead (2010)

New to Blu-ray

• Staunton Hill
• Children of the Corn

1. Alien incarceration is a good metaphor for the evils of racism.
(District 9, 2009)

I still can’t get over how good this movie is. It’s a textbook example of how to properly make the most out of faux-documentary storytelling and filmmaking. The film was adapted from a 2005 short film called Alive in Joburg, and inspired by events that took place in District 6 in Cape Town during South Africa’s apartheid era. The film movingly explores the effects of xenophobia and forced segregation as one of the chief bureaucrats who oversees District 9 is forced to live as a hunted and despised alien. In doing so, not only does he learn to have compassion for those who have been so unfairly oppressed, but regains his own humanity, even as he transforms into an alien himself. At the same time, we learn to sympathize with the alien Christopher Johnson and his young son, both of whom simply want to go home. They’re far more decent and sympathetic than those who oppress them. Honestly, I haven’t been that emotionally invested in a film in years. It’s a deeply moving and thoughtful metaphor for just how much we lose ourselves when we hate those who are different from us.

2. An alien invasion is not a good metaphor for Mexican immigration.
(Monsters, 2010)

Monsters wants to be District 9. But I have seen District 9. I love District 9. And Monsters, you are no District 9. If you pretend that Monsters is just a monster movie with no other agenda, then it works fine. The effects are good (but sparse), the story is good, and it involves likeable and interesting characters who have to sneak past a quarantine zone where Earthlings have just had their butts kicked by giant, squid-like monsters. The quarantine zone happens to be Mexico, and the protagonists are desperate to sneak into the U.S. by any means necessary. Their plight warrants a lot of sympathy and has obvious analogies with immigration along the US-Mexican border. Had the film stopped here, I would have been fine with it, but this is where it gets confusing. We’re meant, I think, to agree with the protagonists who begin to realize that the aliens are misunderstood, and are actually beautiful — if you find giant, slithering, crevice-probing tentacles to be beautiful. Call me old-fashioned, but I think they’re horrifying. And these aliens also have the habit of leaving their eggs stuck to the sides of every tree in every forest they slither through. The overall message is that we should be peaceable and ecologically friendly, and just live and let live when it comes to tolerating the interplanetary aliens among us. I’m as liberal as they come, and a literal card carrying member of both the ACLU and the Sierra Club. I believe in saving the planet, preserving the environment, and keeping our borders open for fair and legal immigration. But I wanted the US military to nuke those squishy, disgusting aliens back to whatever planet they came from. As a monster film, this was very good. As a metaphor for how we should rethink our immigration policies, using the aliens in this film was just plain crazy.

3. Zombies are a good metaphor for mindless consumerism.
(Dawn of the Dead, 1978)

Zombies have always tapped into the fear that we’re all little more than flesh and bone with nothing more noble or spiritual to animate us or guide our behavior. Zombies are terrifying because, as Barbara puts it the 1990 remake of Night of the Living Dead, “we are them and they are us.” This idea reached its apex in George Romero’s Dawn of the Dead, in which mindless, suburban consumerism is explored through the vehicle of a zombie infested shopping mall. I was a teenager in the 80s, so mall culture is a part of my DNA, but after watching this film, I do feel a little guilty whenever I mindlessly wander around one with an Orange Julius in hand.

4. Zombies are not a good metaphor for new media/blogging.
(Diary of the Dead, 2007)

Romero once said that whenever he sees a social problem, he sticks a zombie to it in order to explore it. But it doesn’t always work. I actually agree with the premise of Diary of the Dead. I love the ephemeral pleasures of YouTube as much as the next guy, and I think blogging is a great form of community-building and political empowerment. But blogging is no substitute for professional journalism, and thinking that it is could make us ill-informed, intellectually lazy, and socially disconnected. That’s a great theme that great writers such as Noam Chomsky and Neil Postman explore in-depth in their numerous books and essays. Sadly, this theme doesn’t make for a great zombie movie. Throughout this awful, unwatchable mess of a film, we’re supposed to want the characters to stop filming and do something to save their fellow human beings. We’re supposed to want them to be more connected to reality instead of their private, mediated version of it. Instead, I wanted to scream at Romero to connect with his audience by making a real zombie movie.

5 .Vampirism is a good metaphor for venereal disease.
(Bram Stoker’s Dracula, 1992)

Bram Stoker suffered from syphilis when he wrote the book that forever established the vampire as an icon of horror. His version of the vampire is sexy, seductive, and diseased. Vampires had long been repulsive and fearsome, but Stoker made them equally attractive, and I think it’s this capacity of eliciting both of those powerful emotions at once that makes the modern vampire so captivating. Francis Coppola’s rendition of Stoker’s novel makes this clear, as his Dracula is both a demonic fiend and also a debonair but diseased man of civilization (or “syphilization,” as Van Helsing puns). Coppola pushes that metaphor about as far as he can by linking vampirism with the stigma of HIV, but it works. Near Dark is another example of how well this metaphor works in exploring the ravages and allure of disease. Behind their fangs, the vampires in Near Dark are really sex-crazed, drug addicts in desperate need of medical treatment, if only they would stop partying long enough to take that first step and admit they have a problem.

6. Vampirism is not a good metaphor for the moodiness of teenage love.
(Twilight, 2008)

Romeo and Juliet, The Breakfast Club and Freaks and Geeks are notable exceptions to the general rule that teenage drama is boring and trivial. There’s a fancy neurological term for why things seem so disproportionally melodramatic when you’re a teenager. It has something to do with the still developing neural pathways of the teenage brain. Of course, there have been some notable adolescent vampires – Homer in Near Dark and Eli from Let the Right One In are obvious examples. But those characters work because they’re adults stuck in a child’s body. They have real problems. The vampires in Twilight are perpetual adolescents with high school problems. Being stuck in that stage of emotional and intellectual retardation is, I suppose, horrifying. But vampirism is not a good metaphor for moody teenagers because NOTHING is a good metaphor for moody teenagers. Also, vampires don’t hang out in trees. Or play baseball. Or sparkle.

this week also sees the release of several multi-film collections, including THE GINGERDEAD MAN and its sequel. the former stars gary busey as a killer gingerbread man (which sounds like a dream i had when i drank too much cough syrup) and the latter appears to feature several behind-the-scenes horror icons such as adam green, greg nicotero and john carl buechler in small roles. if you’re looking for something a little more high-brow, the criterion collection is releasing lars von trier’s ANTICHRIST which, while undeniably beautiful to look at and thought-provoking, is rather tedious to watch and takes filmmaking to previously undiscovered levels of pretentiousness.

Zombie Girl: The Movie (2009)
Emily Hagins is making a zombie movie. It’s feature-length, it’s bloody, and the zombies don’t run — just like it should be. But there’s one difference between her film and every other zombie movie you’ve ever seen: Emily is twelve. Emily is part of a new generation of teenagers raised on technology and expressing themselves through video. Only — she’s doing it on a feature-length scale! Emily has the vision and her mom has the driver’s license. Together, their journey is a fascinating look at a growing world of young moviemakers and bloodiest mother / daughter story you’ve ever seen.

Antichrist: Criterion Collection (2009)
This enormously controversial psychodrama-cum-horror film from Danish enfant terrible Lars von Trier charts the degeneration of a marriage into apocalyptic violence, chaos, and insanity following an unthinkable domestic tragedy.

The Haunting (1963)
One of the most highly regarded haunted house films ever produced, Robert Wise’s The Haunting (based on Shirley Jackson’s novel The Haunting of Hill House) weaves the dark tale of a questionably sane young woman and a sinister house which holds a terrifying past.

Damned By Dawn (2009)
A young woman visiting her dying grandmother pays a high price for interfering with death in this energetic horror yarn inspired by the films of Sam Raimi. Somewhere on a farm in the deep country, Claire’s (Renee Willner) grandmother is knocking on death’s door. When Claire fails to heed the dying woman’s warning not to meddle in the banshee’s business, the dead rise up to stake their claim on the living.

Circle (2008)
Six graduate students studying the childhood home of a notorious serial killer get to spend some quality time with their murderous subject when he escapes from custody and returns to the place where his reign of terror began.

Esquizofrenia (2009)
Unable to erase his memories of the woman he once loved and unwilling to accept that they have no future together, a disturbed young man embarks on a murderous rampage in order to purge his deep-rooted rage. In the midst of his killing spree, however, the volatile psychopath encounters a woman who bears a striking resemblance to his lost love, and who comes to him with an open heart. But does she really exist, or is she just another delusion in a deranged mind?

Dead Enders (2010)
A disturbed woman, haunted by the death of her “one true love, ” kidnaps and brutalizes those she believes to be his living successor. Held captive in a subterranean prison, Robert begins to fight for his survival from a sadistic captor willing to kill anyone that disturbs her suicidal plans. To save himself, Robert must survive booby-trapped mazes, implements of torture, and an evil presence which feeds his captors insanity and hides from the world, the dark secrets of “Max”.

Altered States (1980)
In this 1980 sci-fi horror film, William Hurt plays Eddie Jessup, a scientist obsessed with discovering mankind’s true role in the universe. To this end, he submits himself to a series of mind-expanding experiments. By enclosing himself in a sensory-deprivation chamber and taking hallucinogenic drugs, Jessup hopes to explore different levels of human consciousness, but instead is devolved into an apelike monster.

Puppet Master Collection
Master puppeteer Andre Toulon (William Hickey, Prizzi’s Honor, In the Name of the Rose) has discovered the secret of life or is it the secret of death? The result is five killer puppets, each uniquely qualified for murder and mayhem. Tunneler has a nasty habit of boring holes in people with his drill-bit head. Leech Woman regurgitates killer leeches that suck her victims dry. Pinhead strangles his enemies with his powerful, vice-like hands. Blade has a gleaming hook for one hand and a razor-sharp knife for the other. And Jester, the brains of the bunch, is just plain mean. Together, they’re an army of skilled assassins, genetically programmed to guard the deadly secrets of the PUPPET MASTER. Now, for the first time, all nine films in the PUPPET MASTER series are available in one horrifying collection.

Evil Bong / Evil Bong 2 King Bong
A group of stoners take a hit from a vintage, evil bong that sends them on a trip to Bong World; in order to cure the strange side effects they incurred from smoking, the group heads to South America where they meet King Bong.

Subspecies (The Awakening) / Bloodstone: Subspecies II / Bloodlust: Subspecies III
Three students studying the folklore of Transylvania stumble upon a clan of vampires ruled by the monstrous Radu. With the help of a powerful relic, Radu tries to make them his fledglings; Radu’s fledgling, Michelle, flees his castle; Michelle is captured again and forced to learn about her vampire powers. Meanwhile, her sister tries to release her from Radu’s fortress.

Gingerdead Man / Gingerdead Man 2: Passion of the Crust
The ashes of a deranged murderer make their way into a secret cookie mix, producing a killer gingerbread man that wrecks havoc on anything standing in its way. In the second installment, the The Gingerdead Man crashes a movie studio, leaving behind a trail of bloody murder and hilarious mayhem.

Meridian / Decadent Evil
A young woman visits her recently inherited Italian castle, gets caught in a mysterious love triangle, and discovers that she has also inherited a medieval curse that threatens her livelihood; A vampire feasts upon the blood of strip club clientele while housing her ex-lover–part human/part reptile–in a bird cage.

Demonic Toys / Dollman / Dollman vs. Demonic Toys
Officer Judith Gray battles a demon that brings to life a group of killer toys; When Brick Bardo lands on Earth, he discovers that he is the size of a doll. The miniature man must fight his enemies while standing a foot tall; Brick teams up with Judith to take on the evil toys.

Miedo Hasta Los Huesos

New to Blu-ray

• Tremors

email suggestions for next week’s community highlights to jon@evilontwolegs.com

It’s Halloween, ya’ll! To celebrate, why not take a look at these awesome horror-themed music videos? Also, The Walking Dead premieres on AMC tonight. All indications are that it buries the needle on the awesome scale, so go watch it.

The Duke Spirit – “Take a Look Around”
This is one of the coolest videos I’ve ever seen. The song is awesome, the animation is stylish, and it has a drunken, dancing devil in it. What’s not to like?

The Misfits – “Dig up Her Bones”
This video is proof that the Misfts were just fine, if not even better, without Danzig. And the video has a cameo appearance by James Whale’s Frankenstein.

The Cramps – “I Was a Teenage Werewolf”
Before Michael Landon got his Jesus on in Highway to Heaven, he was a teenage werewolf. And The Cramps pay him appropriate tribute.

Clap Your Hands, Say Yeah! – “Satan Said Dance”
‘Nuff Said.

The Horrors – “Sheena Is a Parasite”
This video really creeps me out. But it’s kinda awesome.

The Ramones – “Pet Sematary.”
The only thing that could possibly make the Ramones any cooler would be if they sang about rising from their graves as the undead in a music video. And they did just that.

a couple of days ago, i saw the above tweet from @afterdarkfilms, and i have been thinking about it ever since. there was a time that i loved to go to the movie theater, and something as simple as “a cool poster” would be enough to get me there. but that time is long past… for at least the last ten years, and probably longer, i have been developing a dislike for seeing films theatrically and, as it currently stands, it takes an awful lot to drag me to the theater. i don’t know if this is just me or a trend in modern movie-going, but given the tone of the above tweet, i assume not as many people are shelling out cash for the silver screen experience as studios would like. in order to properly answer @afterdarkfilms‘ tweet, i thought i’d lay out the reasons keeping me away from theaters, as well as list what will get me into a seat, despite my reluctance.

reasons i hate movie theaters

they’re overpriced. this one’s pretty obvious. if you click on the screengrab on the left, that’s the closest theater to me showing MY SOUL TO TAKE. $32.50 to take my wife to see a movie? are you joking? that price is especially ridiculous when you realize the dvd will be out in a few months for half that cost, and not only will i get to keep the film forever — but i get all the special features along with it.

overpriced food. in addition to that $32.50, i’d also have to drop another $20 for a couple of drinks and some popcorn. when did we decide it was ok for movie theaters (and stadiums) to charge us six or seven times the normal cost for food and drinks? no, seriously — when? someone should get a delorean up to 88mph, go back to that moment, and collectively slap us all in the face.

inconvenience. there’s not a whole lot they can do to change this one, but you know — i kind of like deciding for myself when i’m going to start a movie. i also like being able to pause it to go get a drink or go to the bathroom, and not have to shove my butt in someone’s face while inching down the aisle to go do so. unless i really feel like it.

annoying people. sometimes audiences really add to the experience of a film, but more often than not they’re just irritating. whether it’s kids kicking the back of your seat, people talking or someone coming in late, the end result is the same — annoying people doing annoying things pulls you out of the movie. my worst experience with this was during THE RING. a lady two rows in front of me answered her cell phone during the film’s climax and had a loud three minute conversation. every time i see THE RING, i think of that bitch. and i will never, ever forgive her.

the goddamn mpaa. at least when it comes to horror films, this could be my #1 reason for avoiding theaters. why should i pay to see a censored film in the theater when i can see it uncensored on blu-ray cheaper? and it’s not that i so crave sex and gore scenes that missing a few frames of one is inconceivable — it’s that i’m paying to see someone’s artistic vision, and i’d rather not have that vision filtered through a committee of soccer moms who decides what i’m too sensitive to see. there was a time when the mpaa had much more control over the medium, but now with director’s cut and unrated versions being the norm on home video, there’s simply no reason to go watch a watered-down version in the theater.

i never understood why eli roth was so shocked when people didn’t flock to the theater to see HOSTEL 2. he seemed pretty convinced the reason was piracy, but i don’t really think that was it. it might not make a big difference for something mainstream like PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 2, but when you make a film whose primary attraction is shock, gore and terror geared for the hardcore horror audience — that audience isn’t going to go out of their way to see what they know is a diluted version. especially when they know the full experience will be available cheaper and easier in a matter of weeks. HATCHET 2 made a recent attempt at paving the way for the future of theatrical horror — but unfortunately no one got to go see it because they pulled it from screens before anyone could find their effing car keys.

despite all these reasons to not go see horror in the theater, occasionally i still do venture out to the local multiplex. take note movie studios — here are the reasons that i will part with my hard-earned cheddar for your movie, so make sure your film does one of these things. (did i use “cheddar” correctly in that sentence? i heard it used in a song, so i thought i’d give it a go. not sure it’s gonna work for me long-term.)

reasons i will go to a movie theater

three dee. cinema purists seem annoyed by the current 3d craze, but not me, baby. sure it’s gimmicky, but gimmicks need love too. i was blown away by MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3D and PIRANHA 3D, and despite advances in the blue/green glasses technology i can currently use at home, it’s still a pale imitation of the experience you can get in a theater. so, for better or worse (at least until decent 3d is available at home), if your horror film sounds remotely interesting, putting it in 3d is a sure-fire way to get me in a seat.

audience participation. when i refer to audience participation, i’m not really thinking of the ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW variety. there are some films (like PARANORMAL ACTIVITY) that are just better experienced in a packed theater. a lot of the thrill from movies heavy on jump-scares and suspense is feeding off the reactions of those around you… so watching them at home alone is a very different experience. i don’t really need to see THE SOCIAL NETWORK with two hundred people to enjoy it, which is why i’m waiting for it to come to blu-ray; but PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 2? that was actually worth going to the theater for on opening weekend.

i can’t wait. very rarely a film will so pique my interest that waiting a few months to see it isn’t a viable option. due to my own nature, these tend to be franchise films… i will always be first in line to see a new FRIDAY THE 13th or STAR WARS, no matter how bad it looks like it might be. however, at least for me, instances of not being able to wait for blu-ray are becoming more and more rare. i’m not sure whether that means i’m getting more patient or films are getting less interesting but… well, there ya go.

something else i can’t get at home. this is where studios really need to put their energy if multiplexes are going to stay in business. 3d is the big thing right now, but it will not last… if you want people to leave the comforts of their home to see your movie, you have to give them something they can’t get at home. imax is a good example of this, but there’s only so much appeal to making the movie bigger and louder (regardless of how michael bay may feel). things that really draw me to the theater are things like live director q&a sessions after the film (either in person or broadcast by satellite) and tangible free stuff. in terms of the former, i once saw BUBBAH HO-TEP in washington dc with bruce campbell leading a live discussion after the film. that was worth the $10 ticket price, and then some.

in terms of free stuff, i also remember a friend going to see PHANTASM II and coming home with this awesome baseball cap with one of the spheres attached to the brim as though it were eating your brains (i couldn’t find a picture of that hat anywhere, but i can assure you it looked much cooler than the one to the left that came up when i did a google search for “phantasm silver sphere hat”). why don’t more movies do stuff like that? if you’re releasing some mid-budget horror film, give out a goodie bag of info on the film, the people behind it. give away a dvd of short horror films and trailers of other horror films we might like to see. or just throw in a t-shirt or something for god’s sakes.

so yeah, that ended up being a lot longer than i expected. anyway, the quick version of all this is that the theatrical experience of films needs to adapt if it wants to survive. watching a film at home is, in many ways, already a cheaper and better experience than what you get at your local multiplex. if they want to keep people coming to the theater they need to find ways to make the that experience unique and give people something they can’t get at home. something other than irritation and an overpriced experienced based on a bygone era.

email suggestions for next week’s community highlights to jon@evilontwolegs.com

go forth and find me the creepiest, most eff’d-up things you can on etsy.

she did not disappoint. below you will find the first part of what i’m sure will become a recurring feature here at eo2l — “super creepy things my wife found on etsy this weekend.” follow the links for the full descriptions, more pictures and the option to own them for your very own. if you dare!

1974 Leatherface Mask

“a must have for fans of the classic film.”

Creepy Finger Soap Set

“would make a great gag gift, party favors, or even something special for yourself!”

I Scream Cone

“This is sure to make a great addition to your Halloween tree!”

The Human Centipede CAT TOY

“This cat toy is 100% medically accurate!”

Killer Care Bear Swamp Creature

“His tummy has a painting of a swamp.”

Freddy Necklace

“This lil Freddy only wants to play!”

OOAK Creepy Doll Head 5 Shadowbox Sculpture

“Custom painted and distressed wood shadowbox contains a hand sculpted creepy clown head.”

Mini Zombie Scary Creepy Evil Clown Head Prop Decoration

“How would you like to own your very own piece of the circus undead?”

Nun no 3 Mouth eye Vampire doll ooak creepy gothic horror art

“SHE IS A HORROR RELATED ITEM AND IF YOU CAN’T HANDLE SCARY THINGS, THEN PLEASE DO NOT LOOK AT MY LISTING.”

SAW Billy The Puppet Head Earrings JIGSAW

“Billy the puppet earrings.”

My Demon Pony Shaun Zombie Pony ooak My Little Pony

“I cut the stomach area out then sculpted the guts slowly attached one gut loop at a time..was so much fun! I also felt I should up a eye pop on this one!”

AMPUTHEATRE- Crucifiend Gaming Figure

“For devouring anything warm-blooded he found within the moors of Scotland, the abomination now known as “Crucifiend” spent centuries staked to a mountainside- where scavengers picked his eyesockets and fingers clean.”

Predators (2010)
A group of hardened killers are hunted on an alien planet in producer Robert Rodriguez and director Nimród Antal’s entry into the popular sci-fi action franchise. Mercenaries, murderers, gangsters, and convicts, they were the most feared men on Earth. But now they’re a long way from home, and when the predators become the prey, fearless mercenary Royce (Adrien Brody) prepares for the fight of his life.

Night of the Demons (2010)
The ultimate Halloween party becomes the setting for a terrifying night of satanic slaughter when seven teenagers become trapped in a mansion filled with rampaging demons in this remake Kevin S. Tenney’s influential 1988 horror classic.

The Psycho Legacy (2010)
This documentary examines the ongoing influence Alfred Hitchcock’s 1960 classic Psycho has had on not just horror films, but on mainstream filmmaking. The filmmakers interview many of the people involved with both the original film, as well as people who appeared in the sequels

Mirrors 2 (2010)
The spirit of a young murder victim escapes into the realm of mirrors at the moment of death, and seeks vengeance against those responsible for killing her in this horror sequel starring Nick Stahl and William Katt.

Zombie Christ (2010)
Independent horror maestro Bill Zebub takes the helm to deliver this sacrilegious shocker centered on the concept that Jesus Christ was transformed into a zombie by Druids, and subsequently unleashed as a plague upon humanity.

Bikini Bloodbath Christmas (2008)
The killer chef returns in this sequel to Bikini Bloodbath and Bikini Bloodbath Carwash. When Ms. Johnson sinks into a coma, Jenny and Sharon go to work in her famous Bong Shoppe and find themselves drawn into a bitter retail battle with the nearby Christian Deli. As the competition heats up, Jenny accidentally brings the Killer Chef back from beyond the grave. Later, at the holiday party, the eggnog begins to flow as the guests begin dropping like flies. As the eggnog wrestling match draws near, Jenny and Sharon team up to take down psychotic chef before the big event.

Cheezy Trailer Extravaganza

Howling Trilogy (1987-1991)

Assault of the Sasquatch (2009)
An enraged Sasquatch embarks on an urban rampage after it is captured by a bear poacher in the deep woods, then transported to the city when the poacher is arrested and his truck is impounded. Now, before the creature returns to the wilderness, it will hunt down the poacher and make him pay.

Amhurst (2008)
The supernatural thriller Amhurst begins when a ten year old girl disappears. The girl’s twin sister has always suspected that their grandfather Meryl may have been responsible. Years later, Meryl passes away and the surviving twin returns to the grandparents’ house with her own children in tow. Many strange events come to pass in the house and in the town, and the living twin is haunted by vivid nightmares. Soon everyone has to unravel the truth before it’s too late.

The Lost Tribe (2009)
A relaxing weekend on the water leads to tropical terror for a group of young seafarers who stumble across an ancient and deadly secret. Shortly after a group of archeologists vanish without a trace on a secluded tropical island, a ship capsizes in the waters nearby, and its frightened passengers swim to the beach for safety. But this secluded paradise is no island sanctuary – it’s a hunting preserve for a prehistoric tribe of predators that prey on humans.

Wasting Away (2007)
The undead are on the march in bowling alley, though they aren’t aware of what’s happening to them in this ambitious blend of horror and comedy.

Swamp of the Ravents/I Eat Your Skin (1973/1964)
A mad doctor attempts to conquer death by conducting a series of immoral experiments, but instead creates a flesh-eating army of the undead.

Giallo (2009)
An English-language throwback to the type of distinctly Italian thriller that earned him the international reputation as “The Italian Hitchcock,” Dario Argento’s Giallo once again teams the director with producer and younger sibling Claudio Argento to tell the tale of a serial slasher with a penchant for cutting beautiful women.

The Class Reunion Massacre (1977)
Originally released as The Redeemer: Son of Satan, this is a silly, sanctimonious slasher film with obtuse religious overtones. The stage is set as several college graduates are invited to a ten-year reunion at a spooky mansion, where they are soon systematically slain by a clown-masked killer.

Vampire Girl vs Frankenstein Girl (2009)
Two teenage girls are in love with the same boy, but the results are a long, long way from Betty and Veronica in this over-the-top horror comedy based on a manga by Shungiku Uchida.

Tales From the Darkside: Complete Series
This 30-minute horror/fantasy anthology series follows in the vein of The Twilight Zone. Each week presents another standalone story of horror fantasy, and/or science fiction. Some episodes are gruesome, a few are of a lighter comedic style. Like many such shows, Tales… adapted the work of famous genre authors of the period such as Harlan Ellison, Stephen King, and Clive Barker. Many episodes also featured veteran actors of the 40’s and 50’s that saw very little work in their later years.

Herman Cohen Classic Horror Double Feature: Horrors of the Black Museum & The Headless Ghost (1959/1976)
London is fear struck, and Scotland Yard is baffled by a series of strange murders that have plagued the city. Stories of the atrocities, by crime journalists Edmond Bancroft, come to their own conclusions missed by the Yard. This is because of the fact that Edmond is behind these horrible crimes in order to create material for his writing. Features the classic eyeball-gouging binoculars scene.

Ruby & Kiss of the Tarantula (1977/1975)
She s sweet sixteen and her mama (Piper Laurie the mother in the horror classic Carrie) wants to send her away. The deaf-mute daughter retaliates by calling up the spirit of her murdered father and in one terrifying night of horror, he exacts his revenge.

Colin (2010)
Already a worldwide phenomenon with huge media coverage, COLIN is the first zombie movie told from the zombie s perspective, it is a film truly like no other. Our hero Colin is bitten by a zombie; he dies and returns as one of the undead. We follow him as he wanders through suburbia during the throes of a cadaverous apocalypse. Through his encounters, we learn who Colin was and more pertinently, what he has now become.

Deadlands 2: Trapped (2008)
When the U.S. government unleashes a highly toxic bio-weapon on the residents of a small Maryland city, all Hell breaks loose as six strangers find themselves seeking refuge inside a local movie theatre from the bloodthirsty, infected citizens roaming the streets. Writer-director Gary Ugarek follows up his 2007 indie sleeper hit DEADLANDS: THE RISING with this non-stop action thrill ride starring Jim Krut (Dawn of the Dead) and Josh Davidson (Perkins 14, Ghosts Don’t Exist).

Dolla Morte (2006)
A Masterpiece of Lo-Fi Madness and Satanic Silliness! So disgusting and so demented – it had to be filmed with dolls! Nothing and no one is sacred in a this special re-release of Bill Zebub’s (Breaking Her Will, Zombiechrist) long lost and out of print experiment in delirious doll destruction. In the tradition of Robot Chicken and Team America, Bill Zebub’s DOLLA MORTE slaughters sacred cows using all of your beloved toys from childhood, conjuring up a hilarious and sickening spoof of religion, government and war that pulls no politically incorrect punches!

Make Out With Violence (2008)
MAKE-OUT with VIOLENCE is a genre-bending tale of a boy trying to fulfill his unrequited love for a girl who has risen from the dead. Set against the backdrop of a summer of cicadas and swimming pools, the film blends elements of up-beat teenage melodrama with the strange gravity of classic coming of age stories.It tells the story of twin brothers struggling to come to terms with the unexplained disappearance of the bright and beautiful Wendy Hearst. As the sweltering summer pushes on, they must maintain the appearance of normalcy as they search for ways to revive the Wendy they once knew.

Scream Dream (1989)

The Maze (2010)

What Really Frightens You? (2009)

Horno (2009)

Scream Queens Double Feature: Swimsuit Sensations & Knockout Workout (2010)

Tales from the Darkside: Final Season

New to Blu-ray

• The Rocky Horror Picture Show
• Psycho