40. Mikhail Youzhny - tennis

If you play tennis, you know the frustration of specific shots you make during a match.  It’s even more frustrating when you know you should be winning more easily than the score, yet, it’s such a close game.  But c’mon, overreaction much?  These professionals have the luxury of a sponsor…break a racquet or two or three.  That would be the greatest luxury to have in the sport of tennis.  Being able to slam racquets to the ground without worrying about spending 185.00 on a racquet.   Youzhny went on to win the match, but eventually lost in the next round.

39.  Adam Eaton - baseball

Eaton accidentally stabbed himself in the stomach with a paring knife when trying to open the security wrap on a DVD.  Any person with common sense will use some patience and get it open with his own fingers or with a key.  2 theories on why Eaton just had to open it so quickly:  1.  new super-duper limited edition 1-of-1 DVD that he just had to watch.  2.  new porn DVD that he just had to watch.  Eaton missed 1 start.

38.  Alan Wright - soccer

Wright was forced to trade in a Ferrari for a Rover 416 and a booster seat because he strained his right knee trying to reach the accelerator on his Ferrari.  Alan Wright stands at 5′ 4″.  As a result of this, Ferrari now has a disclaimer on each of their cars that states, “you must be this tall to drive this car”.  Go to your local Ferrari dealer and ask the nice salesman to show you the disclaimer that is located right under the…..ah who are we kidding.  The disclaimer is fake, but the story is real.

37.  Bobby Cruickshank - golf

Cruickshank held the lead at the 1934 US Open after 36 holes.  In short here’s what happened (on the 11th hole): mishit 2nd shot with ball heading towards the creek–>miracle bounce on a rock in the creek with the ball bouncing back onto the putting surface–>Cruickshank elated–>threw club in the air yelling “Thank You Lord”–>club hit his head–>afterwards, started bogeying shots, ended up tied for 3rd.  If you’ve ever played golf, you know the exact feeling of a miracle bounce or an amazing/Tiger Woods-like shot.

36.  Bret Barberie - baseball

Barberie was making nachos and after cutting chili peppers, Barbarie supposedly washed his hands, but apparently his hands still had chili on them.  Others indicate that he never washed his hands.  When he put his contacts in, he started feeling a burning sensation.  He was scratched from the lineup.  If you wear contacts, you know this is just dumb all around.  If you don’t wear contacts and you have no idea the “routine” to go through, then this is a wtf moment.  On a side note, he is the ex-husband of Jillian Barberie and is credited with the first Marlin to get a hit (during the inaugural 1993 season).  Who knew?

35.  Perry Groves - soccer

Groves was on the bench for an Arsenal match and when the team scored, he jumped up to celebrate only to hit his head on the roof of the team’s dugout.  Groves was knocked out by the hit.  We’re sure everyone has experienced bumping their heads against the desk, but getting knocked out….hilarious.

34.  Brandon Inge - baseball

Inge was lifting a pillow for his three year old son.  He was doing his fatherly duties and ended up with a strained oblique.  This injury is like many of the dumb injuries that seems to happen so often in sports, reaching for a remote or reaching for something on the ground and pulling a muscle.  This injury eventually forced Inge onto the 15-day DL.

33.  Hunter Pence - baseball

Pence ran into a glass door he did not realize was closed.  He was getting out of the hot tub to use the restroom, not realizing his friend had closed the glass door.  Pence ended up with several cuts and lacerations and was forced to miss a week of spring training.  Funny thing is that Pence was quoted as saying, “It’s pretty silly to have this kind of freak accident happen.”  No, it was not a freak accident, you just had a dumb moment.  A freak accident is getting hit by a line drive while your sitting in the dugout.  Running into a closed glass door is stupidity.  It’s exactly like the dinner party episode of The Office when Jan was explaining to the guests about how Michael ran into the glass door: “Michael ran through the sliding glass door because he thought he heard the ice cream truck.” Michael replies, “…that door was extremely clean, and it looked invisible.”

32.  Chris Hanson - football

Punter Chris Hanson had 4 hours of surgery to repair an axe injury.  You’d figure he was out in the woods chopping a tree down, but no, Hanson was in the Jaguars team locker room.  Why is there an axe in any locker room?  The axe was used as a motivational tool to implore his players to “keep chopping wood”.  Hanson took the axe, swung and missed the target, which was a piece of wood.  Being a punter on a football team is one thing, but c’mon, this will not help the reputations of punters (and kickers) in the NFL.

31.  Kareem Abdul-Jabbar - basketball

Abdul-Jabbar just couldn’t hold his anger.  In an exhibition game, Abdul-Jabbar was poked in the eye by Don Nelson’s finger.  Angered, Abdul-Jabbar punched the post supporting the backboard causing a broken hand.  Even one of the top 50 greatest players in NBA history had their dumb moments.

30.  Darren Bernard - soccer

Bernard suffered a knee ligament injury that caused him to miss five months of action.  The cause?  Bernard slipped on the kitchen floor after his puppy soiled said floor.  We really don’t know what else to say.

29.  Glenn Healy - hockey

It is well known by hockey fans and as a current TSN announcer that Healy has a passion for bagpipes.  As a mostly career backup goalie in the NHL and to cure his boredom, Healy took on a hobby of playing the bagpipes during the offseason.  While he was repairing his bagpipes, Healy cut his fingers.  We’re not sure which is more embarrasing:  playing the bagpipes or cutting your fingers while repairing one.

28.  Clint Barmes - baseball

The reason Barmes’ injury gets ranked higher is because of the effect the injury had in the short term and long term.  Teammate Todd Helton gave Barmes a package of deer meat after Barmes enjoyed it at a dinner.  While Barmes was carrying the deer meat,  he fell and broke his collarbone.  The effect: Barmes was leading all candidates in the NL ROY voting and was a certain lock to win the NL ROY.  He ended up missing three months and played poorly the following year in 2006 batting only .220 and falling off the radar.

27.  Tom Glavine - baseball

In 1992, Glavine vomited after eating an in-flight meal and proceeded to break a rib during the process.  In most bios of Glavine’s injuries, they will just state that Glavine had a broken rib and pitched through the broken rib.  Glavine took painkillers to easen the pain.  He was probably too embarrassed to state the real reason why his rib was broken.  What a trooper.

26.  George Brett - baseball

Brett suffered one of those motherf$%#%r, son of a b&$&$ moments that we’re pretty sure every person has experienced.  In 1983, Brett was in his house listening to the Cubs game on TV when he heard the announcer say that (his friend) Bill Buckner was heading to the plate.  In an effort to catch Buckner’s at-bat, Brett slammed his foot against the door ending up with a broken toe.  This injury cost him 19 games.  Oh and don’t forget Brett’s case of hemorrhoids in which he removed himself from a World Series game only to return for the rest of the series.

25.  Alex Stepney - soccer

Athletes use different leadership tactics on the field.  Some use the quiet, do-as-I-do approach while others are more…vocal.  Stepney is the case of the latter.  In an effort to encourage his defensemen a more spirited performance during a match, Stepney started yelling at them.  He yelled so hard that he dislocated his jaw.  The soccer crowds are probably the loudest bunch of any sport so maybe Stepney thought his teammates couldn’t hear him.

24.  Jaromir Jagr - hockey

You’ll rarely see a hockey player in one of these “dumbest sports injuries” lists, but there’s always room for one.  During a playoff series against the New Jersey Devils, Jagr attempted to check - which is basically knocking a player against the boards or to the ice - Devils forward Scott Gomez.  Jagr only grazed Gomez and ended up with a dislocated shoulder.  After the series was over, Jagr had surgery on that shoulder.

23.  Brandon Marshall - football

Marshall slipped on a hamburger wrapper and as he was falling, his hand went through a home entertainment center.  He sustained multiple lacerations on his right forearm causing him to miss several months.  However, he recovered much more quickly than anticipated.  Due to the many idiotic incidents off-the-field, he lost respect from many fellow teammates, most vocally from Broncos QB Jay Cutler.

22.  Lionel Letizi - soccer

Letizi threw out his back while picking up a scrabble tile from the floor.  C’mon, a goalie reaching for a tile and getting injured…reaching…ironic isn’t it?  Also, it was not confirmed what letter the tile was.  Everyone knows that if it was an “E”, you determine how many other “E”s you have and proceed to kick it under the sofa.  If it’s a “Q”, you pick that shit up.  We completely understand the importance of picking up a scrabble tile.  It’s a competitive sport on ESPN, every tile counts.  Check your local listings for this exciting event.  Oh and don’t forget to check out the spelling bee and rock-paper-scissor championships on ESPN as well.  You might see a dislocated jaw in the spelling bee competition and perhaps a strained elbow or dislocated shoulder in the RPS championship.  Exciting stuff.  We’re getting off topic.  Maybe the top 10 dumbest “sports” on TV is in order…got suggestions?  Email us: everythingtopped@gmail.com

21.  Wade Boggs - baseball

Boggs attempted to pull off his cowboy boots, lost his balance, and managed to sprain muscles in his back. Cowboy boots and sprained muscles, need we say more?

20. Marty Cordova - baseball

Cordova burned his face after falling asleep in a tanning bed a la Kramer in Seinfeld.  Under doctor’s orders, Cordova was asked to stay out of direct sunlight.  As a result, he missed a couple games in 2002.

19.  Ted Ginn Jr - football

Situation: BCS championship game, biggest game for the players from Florida and Ohio State up to this point in their careers, and the entire world watching.  Ted Ginn Jr took the opening kickoff for a 93-yard touchdown return; never been done before and it was amazing how quick this guy was.  It was brilliant and historic.   Of course, Ginn had to fuck it up by celebrating in the end zone.  Hi-fiving, chest bumps, fine, but it’s the opening kickoff with 3 quarters and 10+ minutes still left in a championship game.   The game won’t end 7-0.  Ginn was quoted as saying, “I know I hurt it in the celebration, but I really don’t know how.”  Hey genius, you were celebrating; that’s how you got hurt.  You weigh 180lbs and there were 300lb lineman with you at the time…figure it out.  Of course, every OSU fan cringed knowing that the offense was going to fall flat without Ginn…and they sure did.

18.  Sam Torrence - golf

We wouldn’t necessarily categorize this as dumb, but it sure is amusing.  Torrence has been know to sleepwalk, however, it became public during the 1993 season, most notably during the 1993 Ryder Cup. Before the Ryder Cup event, Torrence planned on competing at the English Open, but had to pull out.  The reason?  Torrence had to pull out after suffering a chest injury when he tripped over a plant pot while sleepwalking.  He recovered in time for the Ryder Cup, but the sleepwalking came back to haunt him again.  As he was sleeping in his hotel room at the Ryder Cup, he suddenly wakes up, goes outside, and mistakes a Yucca tree for an intruder.  He proceeded to tackle the “intruder”.  As one can imagine, the outcome was unsuccessful.  Torrence ended up with a broken toe and had to miss the final day singles matches.

17.  Santiago Canizares - soccer and Dave Beasant - soccer

Both Canizares and Beasant had similar dumb injuries.  Canizares had been recently named as Spain’s 1st choice goalkeeper for the 2002 World Cup in Korea and Japan; however, he was forced to miss the every-4-years-biggest-soccer-tournament event.  After dropping a bottle of aftershave on his foot, Canizares ended up with a severed tendon.  It is reported that Canizares’ wife enjoyed having the company of her husband at home after mistakingly and embarassingly admitting her foot fetish.  “The aftershave dropping on his foot was a blessing in disguise.”  Okay, we are sorry, the “report” was obviously fake, but still, a dumb injury.

Dave Beasant suffered a similar moment in idiocy.  In order to prevent a jar of mayo from smashing on the floor, Beasant stuck out his foot and the jar ended up rupturing ankle ligaments.  Beasant was forced to miss 8 weeks.  His dog immediately started licking…again, we apologize for the (un)necessary remarks.

16.  Darius Vassell - soccer

Vassell missed a few games in 2002 due to a toe infection.  It’s how he got the infection that makes it so dumb.  When Vassell was suffering from a swollen toe, he proceeded to perform DIY (do-it-yourself) surgery by drilling through the nail to relieve the pressure.  Dr. Vassell was successful in losing his toe nail and a toe infection as a result.

15.  Kevin Johnson - basketball

After hitting a game winning shot, teammate Charles Barkley greeted Kevin Johnson with a hug, like any athlete would do in that situation.  Except the hug resulted in a dislocated shoulder for KJ.  A more reasonable approach would have been the awkward man-tap on the ass.

14. Kevin Mitchell - baseball

To preface Mitchell’s dumb moments (yes, moments), Mitchell always displayed eccentric behavior off the field like showing up to the all star game like Mr. T with a gold front tooth and gold chains to top it off with a couple arrests on his record.  It should be no surprise that Mitchell has had some dumb injuries.  Coming in at #2, Mitchell strained some rib muscles while vomiting, which isn’t as bad as Glavine breaking a rib while vomiting (#27).  However, he climbed up our list when he missed a few games of spring training because he had suffered a broken tooth while eating a frozen donut that had hardened after putting it in the microwave for too long.  Maybe it’s just us, but can’t one tell if a donut is hard or not?  Can you not feel it and notice that it’s kind of cold and not as mushy as a cupcake?  Befuddled.

13. Ken Griffey Jr - baseball

Pinched testicles by his protective cup during a game.  It’s one of those injuries where it’s funny to hear about, but you certainly wouldn’t want to experience yourself.  Can you just imagine?  You’re out on the field like any other day wearing the same uniform you’ve worn for years and all of a sudden, pinch-pinch.   It hurts thinking about it.

12.  Vince Coleman - baseball

During Coleman’s pregame stretching routine before Game 4 of the 1985 NLCS, the automatic tarp machine at Busch Stadium rolled over his leg.   Coleman suffered knee and leg injuries and had to miss the rest of the postseason.  How did Coleman not hear or see it coming?  Perhaps the automatic setting was turned to “turbo” and Coleman just couldn’t get out of the way.  All we can picture is the scene in Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me when the guard stands there for a good five minutes while Powers slowly runs over the guard with the steamroller.  His Cardinals eventually lost in the World Series.  We can bet that the inattentive crew at the stadium was immediately fired.

11.  John Smoltz - baseball and Tagg Bozied - baseball

So the legend is that Smoltz burned himself ironing his shirt while he was still wearing it.  Smoltz is an articulate guy, possibly the most well-spoken baseball player in the past decade.  There are stories of him denying this rumor, but as many have said already, wouldn’t you?  We don’t believe Smoltz is dumb enough to do something like this, but then again, we are surprised by a lot of things.  We’ll leave this in the top 40 list so we don’t end up receiving hundreds of emails.  And we’ll include an extra to “replace” Smoltz.

Tagg Bozied re-emerged as a top prospect in the Padres organization in 2004.  However, the stupidity of exuberant celebrating really cost Bozied his blue chip prospect status.  While playing in a minor league game in 2004, Bozied hit a game-winning grand slam.  When he ran around the bases to touch home base, he didn’t just simply touch home base and start celebrating, he had to jump and land on home base with authority.  The landing ruptured the tendon in his left knee.  Bozied was eventually released by the Padres in 2006.  He seems to be fully recovered as he is playing well at the AAA level, but he is no longer the prospect he once was now with his fourth team in the minors.

10.  Paulo Diogo - soccer

This is the injury that really makes us cringe.  We won’t post the photo, but it’s readily available for all to view the moron that is Diogo.  After setting up his team’s 3rd goal in the 87th minute, Diogo jumped on the metal perimeter fence to salute the fans.  As he jumped back down from the fence, he lost a couple things - a wedding ring and most of his finger.  To add insult to dumb injury, the referree carded Diogo for excessive celebration.  Doctors ended up having to amputate his finger as they were unable to re-attach the severed finger.  If you see the photo, we believe it is about 1 1/4″  inches worth of flesh that was…ugh, we’re about to throw up…

9.  Glenallen Hill - baseball

Hill has an admitted fear of spiders.  After appearing at the Skydome with crutches, Hill had to explain how it happened.  It turns out Hill had a nightmare and was running away from the imaginery spiders in his nightmare.  He woke up with cuts on his toes and elbows and carpet burns on his knees.

8.  Sammy Sosa - baseball

This injury made quite the headlines and deservedly so.  Sosa endured a sprained ligament in his lower back after…sneezing a two-fer.  Going on the DL for any back injury is completely understandable, but going on the DL because of a lower back injury caused by sneezing is just hilariously ridiculous.  Sosa must be one of those people who sneezes so loudly that the guy at the other side  of the city can hear you.  You know what we’re talking about.  Those types tend to have violent sneezes based on our diligent research with Ekaf University.  Sneezing and letting out those germs at 100mph has to be one of the greatest feelings in the world, but not when you get injured in the process.

7.  Milton Bradley - baseball

It is well known in the baseball community about Bradley’s temper.  In a crucial playoff-implicating game between Bradley’s Padres and the Rockies, Bradley completely lost it after a call at first base.  It is still unknown whether the first base umpire initiated that argument.  In order to prevent any further damage Bradley could do to himself, Padres manager Bud Black came out to prevent Bradley from going after the first base ump.  However, as Bud Black was restraining Bradley, Bud spun Bradley to the ground.  In the process, Bradley tore his ACL in his right knee.  The loss of Bradley damaged any chance of the Padres getting into the playoffs.  Since Bradley’s midseason acquisition to the Padres, he had been the most important and consistent hitter on the team.  Needless to say, the Padres missed the playoffs.

6.  Joel Zumaya - baseball and Lionel Simmons - basketball

Both injuries were similar in that both involved video games.

Genius #1 - Zumaya is a flame thrower and his arm continues to be his most valuable asset.  Zumaya missed three games of the ALCS due to an inflamed wrist and forearm in his throwing arm.  The Tigers training staff noticed that the injuries were consistent with those of a guitar player than a pitcher.  The conclusion?  The training staff was correct, Zumaya had been playing guitar…Guitar Hero for PS2.  Luckily, Zumaya’s absence during the ALCS didn’t affect the team overall as the Tigers eventually won the AL pennant .  Even though Zumaya was grounded from playing Guitar Hero for a couple weeks, the Tigers still lost to the Cardinals in the World Series.  I bet the Tigers were thrilled Zumaya was at home instead of going out and about wreaking havoc or shooting oneself.

Genius #2: So we understand the injury that caused Zumaya’s inflammation.  If you play Guitar Hero for hours at a time, it’s a common injury.  It’s a very addictive game even when you can only complete 2 songs on ‘expert’.   However, Lionel Simmons’ injury came from a more unforgiving game system - a Nintendo Game Boy.  Actually, since the injury occurred in 1991 and considering the hotness of the Game Boy at that time, we can also understand the fact that Simmons developed tendinitis in his right wrist from playing too much.

5.  Gus Frerotte - football

On a third-and-goal play from the 1, Frerotte rolled out of the pocket and dashed towards the goal line.  He just managed to sneak in for a TD rush.  Here’s the patented Frerotte celebration for all idiots to follow: 1.  score touchdown, 2. spike football, 3.  Headbutt  into a padded cement wall behind the end zone, 4.  suffer neck pains and possibly a humiliating self-inflicted concussion, 5.  be forever known as “that guy”.

4.  Tony Allen - basketball

It is dumb-dumbs like Tony Allen that makes us appreicate having a brain.  Just watch the video, it is mind-numbingly dumb.  During the final minutes of a game in which Tony Allen’s Celtics were trailing big to the Pacers, the referree blew the whistle.  Naturally the player who has the ball would take a shot, but Allen took it a step further by attempting to complete an uncontested dunk.  The crowd reaction was not the usual ooh’s and ahh’s, it was more like, WTF were you thinking?  The end result?  An extremely painful torn ACL and MCL.  He missed the rest of the season and never regained the quickness he once had.  Just as a side note, if the injuries were career ending, Tony Allen would have made top 2.

3.  Plaxico Burress - football

Shot himself with no permit for his gun.  Nuff said.

2.  Bill Gramatica - football

As a rookie in the NFL in 2001, Gramatica did the worst thing any athlete (professional or not) can do.  Show up the opposition and Gramatica deservedly got punished.  After making a 42-yard field goal in the 1st quarter to give the Cardinals a 3-0 lead, Gramatica dramatically leapt into the air.  When he landed, he immediately grabbed his knee.  An MRI showed he had a torn ACL.  Gramatica missed the rest of the season.

1.  Slobodan Jankovic - basketball

This is no doubt the dumbest injury…ever.  In 1993, after fouling out of a game in the Greek championship playoffs (and not the championship game for that matter), Jankovic was so pissed that he rammed his head against the concrete post supporting the basket.  The idiocy resulted in a fractured neck, damaging his spinal cord, and requiring spinal surgery.  The injury left him paralyzed from the waist down.

Oh and in case you wanted to get a tally of the sport with the most dumbest injuries, here’s the breakdown:

• Baseball - 18
• Basketball - 5
• Football - 6
• Golf - 2
• Hockey - 2
• Soccer - 9
• Tennis - 1

Clearly, baseball comes out on top with soccer in a fairly close second.  Baseball players have the most dumb injuries, but to be fair, football has the most players that get arrested.

There you have it, our list of the Top 40 Dumbest Sports Injuries.  We would love to hear your thoughts so feel free to comment on this list.  Ridicule us, praise us, hate us, love us for our list.  Got topics/categories you’d like topped?  Give us a shout through the comments or contact us.

Our Top 5 list of Best Cell Phone Service Providers come from user feedback spreading multiple forums and websites and from personal experience.  Nick has been a customer of 4 of the 5 major cell phone service providers (exception being US Cellular) pre- and post-merger of these companies (exception being the Verizon/Alltel merger).  Nick is currently a satisfied customer with AT&T Wireless.  Why so many?  No, it wasn’t to eventually create a review, but various reasons came into play - moving to college and service had no reception in that area, service reception just sucked, bad customer service, among many other reasons.  Nick has used all 4 of the companies as both his cell and home phone.  The areas that Nick has tried these cell phone companies are:  California (mainly around San Diego, Los Angeles and Orange counties), Oregon, Illinois (including Chicago and suburbs), Indiana (in and around Indianapolis, West Lafayette, Bloomington, and South Bend), Minnesota, Georgia (only around Atlanta), and Rhode Island.  Nick certainly understands the common complaints and praises.   These are our Top 5 - Best Cell Phone Service Companies.  Ridicule us, praise us, hate us, love us for our list.

Please note that there will always be exceptions to individual experiences.

We understand the needs of any one invidiual or family will differ.  This is a quick summary of the costs of the 5 cell phone providers.  In terms of the price of individual plans, the individual plan prices at all levels are exactly the same between Verizon Wireless, AT&T, and US Cellular (nationwide plan) with the exception being T-Mobile.  US Cellular is by far the cheapest if choosing their “widearea” plan, which only caters to the 25-26 states that they cover.  In terms of the price of basic family plans, the basic family plan prices at all levels are exactly the same between Verizon Wireless, AT&T, and US Cellular (again nationwide plan only) with the exception being T-Mobile.  T-Mobile sells their family minute plans on different “minute” levels than the other 4, but on a per-minute cost, T-Mobile is the cheapest of all nationwide individual and family plans.  All other companies are exactly the same in regards to the basic plan, not the plans with added features.  The reason why some cell phone service providers are more “expensive” is because of the cost of adding these additional options/features.

5 (4b).  Sprint Nextel

Pros:

• Night and weekends start at 7:00 PM, which is 2 hours earlier than the other cell phone service companies
• Free minutes on incoming calls
• 1-year contract as opposed to the standard 2-year contract (you decide if requiring any contract is a pro)
• Strong business-friendly features - 1st mover in walkie-talkie technology - a surprisingly useful function
• Fast internet

Cons:

• No international plans
• Coverage is not as expansive as Verizon Wireless or AT&T, which inevitably means weaker signals, more dropped calls, echoing, etc.
• Limited/outdated phone selection
• Since merger in 2005, plans are not as good a deal as pre-merger
• Post merger, customer service has dropped off as they try to be helpful -  the end result should be good news for the customer, not a moot point for customer service

Personal experience:  Sprint has always had a limited selection of phones, which to me, really didn’t matter.  However, as I started relying on my cell phone more and more, I started to care about the looks of my phone (the needs for certain functions remained the same).  The phone selection is limited and in many cases seem outdated.  From my experience with customer service, Sprint (Nextel) was actually #1 on my list pre-merger in 2005, but it has dropped since then.  The customer service pre-merger was excellent - consistent bills from month to month, credits on bogus charges I disputed, and free “loyalty program offers” such as free internet for 6 months.  Since the merger in 2005, the customer service still tries to be very helpful, but it gets to the point where you want to start yelling through your phone because of the frustration.  Sprint’s coverage will be hit or miss if you travel, however, if you’re just going to the city for work and going back home to the suburbs, the service will stay consistent for the most part.  There is nothing about the cost or the types of plans of Sprint Nextel that really stands out with the exception being international plans.  Besides that, the plans offer the usual variety and benefits to meet your need.  Conclusion:  I would recommend and consider going back to Sprint Nextel.

4 (4a).  US Cellular

Pros:

• Good customer service
• Excellent coverage in the midwest as they should since they are a regional carrier
• Free incoming calls/text messages
• No activation fees on many plans

Cons:

• Poor coverage outside of the 25-26 states that US Cellular covers
• Very limited phone selection; durability of phones offered a concern
• Beware of hidden costs
• Add-ons such as unlimited texting, downloading, etc can add up quickly
• Limited/outdated phone selection
• If downgrading plan, be absolutely sure of your minute usage; they are not helpful in providing advice, but quick to provide recommendations
• If you go over your minutes, get ready to pay big time

The majority of US Cellular’s customer base is satisfied by its customer service.  The biggest complaint is in the limited selection and durability of the phones.  The individual and family nationwide service plans are exactly the same as the others with the exception being T-Mobile.  If you live outside of the 25-26 states that US Cellular covers or travel frequently, then choose another cell phone service provider.  However, if you live within those states that are covered, US Cellular should be considered as long as you don’t mind the phones and/or seemingly unknown brand (outside of the midwest and sports world - White Sox).  Conclusion:  I would recommend and consider US Cellular if I choose to live in the states covered.

3.  T-Mobile

Pros:

• Cheapest basic individual and basic family plans out of the 5 cell phone service providers
• myFaves add-on is popular and useful
• 1-year contract as opposed to the standard 2-year contract (you decide if requiring any contract is a pro)
• Lots of different plans and options - most flexible of the 5 cell phone providers and 2nd best offering of plans and options (Verizon is #1 in our opinion)
• Excellent reception in certain populated cities
• Ease of upgrading/downgrading plans - a breeze with great advice and recommendations from customer service, but…

Cons:

• Poor customer service (especially disputes) - worst of the 5 cell phone service providers
• Limited phone selection, tends to sell outdated and even worse, phones that are no longer in production/discontinued
• Inconsistent signal reception/spotty coverage
• Poor insurance policy
• Slow internet
• Pesky about “too much roaming”

Personal experience:  I’ve had a unique love-hate relationship with T-Mobile.  The love comes in with the “contract” and the hate comes in with the customer service.  I have to start with the “hate” before I go into the “love”.  After a year and a few months into the service with T-Mobile, like all cell phone providers, I eventually had to call customer service to dispute charges.  To put it simply, a complete nightmare.  I won’t go into the specifics of the dispute, but the way T-Mobile handled the situation from several customer service reps to a couple supervisors was the worst 5-hour nightmare.  Yes, I was on the phone for 5 hours getting bounced from department to department, having to explain the dispute over and over again, and had to to take a 1/2 day from work.  I started the call at 7:30AM, you do the math.  Conclusion of the 5 hour nightmare?  I ended up paying the full amount with no leeway given.  Even with the energy drinks, steroid shots, power bars, and the like, I couldn’t hold up any longer and they would not budge or give anything back that was rightfully owed to me.  T-Mobile is great at handling simple customer service requests like upgrading/downgrading a plan or asking simple questions like, do you think I should add the fave-5 plan?  They’ll actually go through your bills and review your usage and give you great advice and recommendations, but other than that, they have the worst overall customer service of the 5 cell phone service companies when it comes to disputes or anything to do with questioning T-Mobile and their bills.  In another instance of “hate”, I was experiencing several dropped calls per day and spotty coverage throughout Illinois (specifically Northern suburbs and Chicago).  It was extremely frustrating and it got to the point where I called customer service and canceled without hesitation.  But Nick, you say, what about the cancellation fee?  That’s where the “love” comes in, apparently when I signed up for the family plan, we were never obligated to a contract.  So all this time, I thought I was under contract and I could’ve switched at anytime.  The reason why T-Mobile barely outranks Sprint Nextel and US Cellular is because of their flexibility and options in their plans, cheapest plan options, better phone selection, although still limited, and more consistent coverage than the last two companies with very good signals in populated areas compared to the two.  Conclusion:  I would not recommend T-Mobile and would not consider going back to T-Mobile.  It’s not about the price you pay, it’s about the long term relationship, which I learned.

2.  AT&T

Pros:

• Consistent coverage and reception - closing the gap with Verizon Wireless
• Wide selection of phones - arguably the best selection thanks to the Apple iPhone
• Overall good customer service that helps you and/or resolves issues
• Internet is fast and reliable
• Out of all the phone company mergers, AT&T/Cingular was the biggest improvement
• Rollover minutes is an extremely useful feature/benefit that no other company offers - this is standard on all plans

Cons:

• Dropped calls is hit or miss
• Customer service is absolutely a joy when you are a customer or activating lines/transferring numbers, etc, etc, however, once you become a customer, they are helpful, but they get impatient
• Ever since the merger, extra services/add-ons have increased (compared to just Cingular), which leads to costs piling up quickly

Personal experience:  As a current customer of AT&T Wireless, I am satisfied.  AT&T Wireless has had the biggest improvements of all the mergers.  Their customer service is still lacking compared to Verizon especially once you become a customer, but I have noticed improvements since the merger.  Their phone selection is arguably the best.  The coverage and reception has been consistent in all the areas I’ve been to.  Although I rarely experience dropped calls, this seems to be a hit or miss issue with others.  The one thing that really stands out from the rest of the companies is the rollover minutes.  This has saved me lots of money in the long run because a plan I used to have with the other carriers allows me to downgrade due to the extra minutes thus saving me money.  Conclusion:  I would recommend AT&T Wireless but advise that you double check and doubly double check the reception where you intend to use the service.  I will continue being a customer, otherwise, I will go back to Verizon Wireless or Sprint Nextel.

1.  Verizon Wireless

Pros:

• Widest variety of plans and options available than any other cell phone company
• Consistent coverage and reception - considered the best, but AT&T is closing the gap
• Wide selection of phones
• Customer service is the most consistent of all the cell phone companies although there are inevitable hit or miss days

Cons:

• Need to keep an eye on your monthly bills - mysterious charges showing up on bills
• Customer service is hit or miss, some days you get great, no, extremely great service, other days you want to reach into your phone and do bad things
• Add-ons can pile up quickly especially the data plans for smartphones
• Most expensive of the 5 cell phone companies (factoring in phones, plans, add-ons, deposit, etc)
• Blocks certain features on your phone, ex: transferring photos to/from your phone requires purchase of software and certain bluetooth features
• If upgrading/downgrading plan, they will extend contract for another 2 years

Personal experience:  I have not experienced the “new Verzion” with Alltel, but as much as I hate to admit (being a current and satisfied AT&T customer), Verizon Wireless is the most consistent from customer service to coverage and reception and down to phone selection.  One shining customer service moment was when I accidentally dropped my phone in a puddle of water completely ruining my phone.  I did not have insurance, as a matter of fact, I never purchase insurance on phones, but after an hour or two of sweet talking, they not only replaced the phone, but rushed the order to me free of charge with next day delivery.  An example of a bad customer service is refusing to budge on mysterious charges (over $80.00) worth that they said would be removed, but never did.  I ended up changing services because of this dispute.  It took over one year until a collection agency contacted me out-of-the-blue saying I still owed $80.00 and as one can imagine, my credit score dropped like a ton of bricks.   Conclusion:  Assuming AT&T continues to improve its customer service and continues to close the gap with Verizon in regards to coverage and reception, I would recommend Verizon Wireless, but it will take a heck of a deal to consider going back to Verizon.

There you have it, our list of the Top 5 Best Cell Phone Service Companies.  We would love to hear your thoughts so feel free to comment on this list.  Ridicule us, praise us, hate us, love us for our list.  Got topics/categories you’d like topped?  Give us a shout through the comments or contact us.

(puns are NOT intended in the list below)

Feel free to comment and provide your suggestions.  We might expand this list to include an honorable mention.  Ridicule us, praise us, hate us, love us for our list.

20.  Fuck Her Gently - Tenacious D

If you or your partner ever wanted to be distracted more by its lyrics than by what’s happening in front of you, then this is the perfect song for you.  Hilarious song, but not suitable for THE mood.

19.  Loser - Beck

One of Beck’s classics, no doubt, but there are a multitude of adjectives that one doesn’t mind being with.  “Loser” is and should never be one of them.  Oh and “Soy un perdador” literally means, “I’m a loser” in Spanish so Beck’s covering two languages to top it off.  Listening to, “I’m a loser baby, so why don’t you kill me” should set the mood, just right.  On a side note, if any of you have attended a Beck concert, listening to people sing the chorus of this song is oh so hilarious because 1/2 the audience are and should.

18.  Cry Me A River - Justin Timberlake

Listening to a song (allegedly) about Britney Spears should do the trick alone (or not?), but more importantly, crying during any part of the situation should be an emotion no one should have to experience.  Fulfilled, prideful, satisfied, tired…all acceptable.  Crying and depressed, unacceptable.

17.  Break Stuff - Limp Bizkit

Have to admit, this is a great song if you want to….break stuff.  Eh.  Maybe #17 should include any Limp Bizkit song.  This choice is (hopefully)  self explanatory unless you like it rough(er).

16. Babe I’m Gonna Leave You - Led Zeppelin

Are there certain times you just wanna leave?  Sure, afterwards, but not before or during that moment.  A great song though by one of the greatest bands of all time.

15.  I Hate Everything About You - Three Days Grace

The title of the song says it all, but going deeper into the lyrics is why this is #15.  A song about a love-hate relationship and left wondering why they still care about that person is exactly the type of song to ruin the mood.

14.  Hit The Road Jack - Ray Charles

The classic hit by the legendary Ray Charles is a classic example of what you don’t want to hear at anytime.  During that particular mood, perhaps “Georgia On My Mind” is a better choice.

13.  Used To Love Her - Guns N Roses

“I used to love her, but I had to kill her”.  Such charming lyrics that will set the mood for such an occasion.

12.  Dude (Looks Like A Lady) - Aerosmith

Unless you’re into some kinky fetish, for normal people, this isn’t cool.  Saying it is one thing, singing about it is another, but playing this before, during, or after the moment is asking for trouble.  Not that big a fan of Aerosmith, but this is a great song.  Just not for that particular mood.

11.  Who Are You - The Who

First, we don’t think anyone wants to think about the theme song from a crime drama series during the mood.  Secondly, “Whoooooo are you? Who, who, who, who” isn’t exactly the phrase you want to blurt out.  Maybe afterwards…and then you “hit the road”.

10.  I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles) - The Proclaimers

Visualize it.

9.  Wynona’s Big Brown Beaver - Primus

Perhaps you like the “rhythm” or the eccentric style of this song (or Primus for that matter), but many understand the sexual double entendres within this song and it’s the main reason why it cracks the top 10.  Do not play this song as it will ruin the mood.

8.  Your Cheatin’ Heart - Hank Williams Sr.

There are certain situations where this might actually apply (infidelity much?) and you might have this weird feeling to load this onto your mp3 player, but in most cases, anything to do with the word cheating will ruin the mood.

7.  You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feelin’ - The Righteous Brothers

A song about how it’s just not working is quite depressing.  A classic song, no doubt, a classic song to ruin the mood.

6.  Creep - Radiohead

The first minute is golden, but then it goes downhill from there.  Does anyone want to be with a creep?  Thought so.

5.  Date Rape - Sublime

Charming topic to sing about.  On a side note, the video to this song is even creepier than “Creep” by Radiohead thanks to the douchebag at the bar that everyone knows exists.

4.  I Want To Break Free - Queen

Sure there might be moments you want to “break free”, but certainly not when you’re in that moment.  This just tells you straight up what the deal is.  A deal breaker, a momentum shaker, a no-chance-in-hell-it-will-happen song.  Play “Bohemian Rhapsody”, which is another song you DO NOT want to play, but it’s a better choice than this.

3.  A Bitch Iz A Bitch - NWA

If you are looking for a way to set the mood, play this.  Oh and one other request, please film the situation before and after so we can see her bitch slap the hell out of you.

2.  Kill You or Puke - Eminem

There are probably a dozen other Eminem songs, but those two are the ones that stuck out.  Great artist, even better lyricist, excellent producer, and would make the #1 artist that will ruin the mood.

1.  Rape Me - Nirvana

Nuff said.

There you have it, our list of the Top 20 Songs To Ruin THE Mood or Moment.  We would love to hear your thoughts so feel free to comment on this list.  Ridicule us, praise us, hate us, love us for our list.  Got topics/categories you’d like topped?  Give us a shout through the comments or contact us.

Note: The Shield and The Wire are both highly recommended, but because both shows had ended in 2008, they are not included on this list (among many others).

10. Fringe

(FOX - 2008 - Sci-Fi)

At first this show didn’t stick with many of us on the must watch show list, but the unique plots lured us back and now we consider it a must watch.  This show is about a government task force tracking down paranormal activity with the help of a research scientist, Walter Bishop (actor John Noble), who has the characteristics of Frankenstein and the brilliance of Albert Einstein rolled into one, his sarcastic son Peter Bishop (actor Joshua Jackson), and FBI Agent Olivia Dunham (Actress Anna Torv).  Besides the X-Files element in this show, one of the things viewers will notice is the parent-child conflict specifically between Walter and Peter as they try to resolve cases.  Fringe is big on conspiracies and some intense twists on “fringe science”.  This show just stands out from the rest in its plot developments.

9. Monk

(USA - 2002 - Dramedy)

Background: This is the creator of the website talking, Nick Shin.  Call me an idiot or ridiculous and I certainly deserve both, but I personally ignored this incredibly humorous show for about 6 years solely because of the title; not once did I give this show a chance before 2008.  I thought the show was literally about a monk and the adventures inside the monastery.   I figured how can a show about a monk and a monastery be remotely interesting.  Bad assumption (don’t judge a show by its title?)  On a random weekend in 2008, I was incredibly bored, had no commitments, and had all the time in the world.  Thus, my introduction to Monk. Now onto why you need to start watching too.

Monk is one of those shows where every single person in the world can relate to its main character, Adrian Monk (actor Tony Shalhoub).  How?  3 words, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD).  Your situation may not be as, to put it lightly, as severe as Monk’s, but every person has some sort of OCD whether it be washing your hands in a certain way, putting on your socks/shoes a certain way, morning routine, bedtime routine, and on and on.  The title character of this show works as an obsessive compulsive private detective and consultant for the San Francisco Police Department homicide unit.  At one point, and (fans) correct us if we’re wrong, Monk’s nurse/assistant pointed out 120 or so phobias.  What’s entertaining about this show is not only Monk’s brilliance and attention to detail on the field as he solves the cases, but Monk’s ability to deal with his numerous phobias throughout the show including the always humorous therapy sessions.  It is the subleties of Monk and the characters around him that becomes a laugh out loud moment.  Each episode is a stand alone so start watching this show.

8. In Treatment

(HBO - 2008 - Drama)

Each episode of In Treatment features therapist Dr. Paul Weston (actor Gabriel Byrne) having a session with one of five patients.  The casting for this little known show offers an array of characters ranging from teens to middle aged and singles to married couples.  In Treatment displays a full range of emotions with superb acting that makes you care about and believe what you are watching.  One of the more unique and riveting parts of this show is the portrayal of the therapist (Paul) going to his own therapist.  The character development and the artistic storytelling is brilliant.  This show might make you uncomfortable at times and it might take a lot out of you, but what we do know is that the combination of incredible acting, storytelling, and character development will get you hooked; don’t give up after one episode.

7. Breaking Bad

(AMC- 2008 - Dramedy)

Quite possibly the most entertaining show and most original show to watch right now, Walter White (actor Bryan Cranston - the dad from Malcolm in the Middle) quite simply is a high school chemistry teacher diagnosed with terminal lung cancer going entrepreneurial to raise enough money for his family.  Well, the entrepreneurial part isn’t exactly what one might suspect and this is where the show becomes extremely entertaining.  Walt decides to team up with a former student, whom Walt flunked, to get into the crystal-meth business.   How’s that for unique writing?  If you’ve ever felt you’ve been way in over your head, you will certainly enjoy watching this show as Walt quickly learns the dangers of competing with rival meth dealers.

6. It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia (IASIP)

(FX - 2005 - Comedy)

Remember Seinfeld?  The show from the 90’s that everyone seemed to enjoy immensely due to its random plots and often commercial resolutions.  The oft-imitated formula has been mirrored throughout the years, but one show in particular has nailed it on the head.  IASIP is possibly the funniest show on television due to the obvious lack of rules or shame.  Remember why you used to laugh at early episodes of Jackass?  Take that, apply it to a sitcom that can say “shit” on the air and you will have a wonderful show.  We follow the lives of Mac, Charlie, Dennis, and Dee as they scheme and screw people over on an hourly basis.  In the end, everything blows up in their faces in a commercial fashion.  If there was ever a show that embodies the basic drives of the human nature within all of us, this is it.  Just watch it.  Now.

5. Entourage

(HBO - 2004 - Dramedy)

We know, anyone who hasn’t been hiding under a rock knows about the show so we’ll try to make this one short.  Entourage deserves a spot on any “best of” TV shows list.  The only reason why the “professional” critics do not include this show is because of its target audience.  There are just some out of the target demographic that do not want to watch quirky, douchebag-like, 20 (and 40?)  somethings, and their adventures as a group.  We know that it is extremely hard to argue that Entourage is the most well-written show or even best performed (although Jeremy Piven as Ari Gold is absolutely brilliant and the reason why you should start watching), but this show just entertains.  It is mindlessly distracting and addicting.

4. Dexter

(Showtime - 2006 - Dramedy)

How many of us have a dark side? A special side (mmmm, frites) that lays dormant within our mind and only comes out for special occasions.  If you raised your hand, then you need to watch Dexter. Dexter is a forensic blood spatter analyst by day for the Miami-Metro Police Department (MMPD) and a serial killer by night.  Before you turn to a different website in disgust, you need to know that Dexter has a conscious.  As a youth, Dexter show signs of a sociopath, but his adoptive father, a detective for the MMPD, took those tendencies and taught Dexter to use them for the good of mankind, or in this case, killing people who have escaped their due punishment from the justice system.  The show is in no shortage of thrills and suspense.  Touching, clever, exciting, and often humorous, Dexter, is one anti-hero that every one can relate to, even if you don’t want to admit it.

3. Damages

(FX- 2007 - Drama)

Thought the show was canceled?  Actually many of you reading this top 10 list realize it’s been awhile due to the writer’s strike.  Well, it’s back and it’s wonderful.  With the final episode of season 1 airing back in October 2007, the second season is (well, has been) officially back.  Due to the hiatus, Damages has fallen off the radar, but this show absolutely deserves a “best of TV shows” nod.  Damages is a legal thriller that stars Glenn Close as the brilliant and ruthless litigator Patty Hewes.  The show revolves around Patty and her protege, Ellen Parsons (actress Rose Byrne).  With so many legal thrillers on the air, it’s hard to describe how and why this series stands out head and shoulders above all the others.  To put it simply, superb acting, intelligent writing, thought-provoking, an actual story line as opposed to one story per episode, and in true sense of the word, a thriller.  The story itself is intriguing, but it’s the storytelling and the performances that really make this show a must watch now.  We feel like this is still not doing the show justice….let’s see, you will never be bored watching this show; it is consistent from beginning to end.  The folks at FX is doing something right and everyone needs to take notice.

2. Rescue Me

(FX- 2004 - Dramedy)

We all enjoyed The Sopranos. It made us feel bad and yet, so good.  The ultimate anti-hero, Tony Soprano, was someone we hated and loved at the same time.  Since it left television, where does one go to root for a likeable bad guy?  The answer is Rescue Me. The main character, Tommy Gavin (actor Denis Leary), is a member of the NYFD.  He is about as rough as they come and highly respected for his displays of bravery on the field.

He is also an asshole.

Whether he is sleeping around with widows of victims from 9/11 (a large theme during the show), abusing drugs and alcohol, hitting people and being a sleezeball, one can see why Tommy Gavin is not a likeable fellow….on the show.  However, we in the real world find ourselves enamored with a guy that is a coin-flip away from being cool or being a turd, just like Tony Soprano.

Here is a list of similarities between The Sopranos and Rescue Me

• Sopranos = New Jersey.  Rescue Me = New York. You can connect the two.
• Infidelity
• Drug and alcohol abuse
• Curse like sailors
• Violence towards strangers, friends and family
• Hallucinations

We are sure the list could go on, but it would distract the attention away from this show you need to watch.  Feel free to comment if you find additional similarities and we will consider adding it to the list.  Anyway, this is a tremendous show that only adds to FX’s taste in great shows.  Watch it.

1. Mad Men

(AMC- 2007 - Drama)

Okay, you get it, we get it, Mad Men is a great show based on the countless number of critics and wannabe critics like ourselves.  By now Mad Men (and AMC for that matter) has received the major props it deserves, but we cannot emphasize it enough.  We would never have imagined the slowest possible drama on television topping our list of “must watch TV for 2009″.  Where’s the action, where’s the humor, where’s the convenient douchebag that we like to talk about, where’s the [insert additional analogies].  With all that said and the hype the show has been garnering since its debut, we still think Mad Men is an underrated show.

Definition of Mad Men as explained during the first episode - “In the 1950s and 1960s, the advertising industry was based on Madison Avenue in New York City.  In fact, ‘Madison Avenue’ used to be slang for ‘the ad industry’.  Madison/ad men was contracted into “mad men” by the mad men themselves.”

For those still doubting this top TV show to watch now, perhaps the very reason you are not watching this show is because of the time frame in history in which the story takes place; we admit, it was for us.  The 60s was far before any of our times at Everything Topped, and based on the show the 60s was racist, sexist, unhealthy (based on the number of cigarattes the characters smoke every 5 seconds), and most importantly, a transition period.  Actor Jon Hamm as the lead character, Don Draper, is brilliant as the creative director at Sterling Cooper Advertising Agency.  Don struggles to stay ahead of the changing times and the young executives at the Agency all the whilst making the plays in the boardroom (and bedroom).  The intense performances are portrayed not only in Don’s personal life, but also through the unique aspect of how people sell themselves in the ad industry.  The characters are complex, sophisticated, and well developed.  It’s a slow moving drama, yes, and many who are impatient and simply close-minded, will not enjoy Mad Men.  Getting a truly accurate picture of a time when not many shows or movies are set makes this the top show you need to start watching for 2009.

There you have it, our list of the Top 10 TV Shows of 2009 You Need To Start Watching Now.  We would love to hear your thoughts so feel free to comment on the list.  Ridicule us, praise us, hate us, love us for our list.  Got topics/categories you’d like topped?  Give us a shout through the comments or contact us.