equivocality

peacock

Jeff — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 12:21:35 +0000

A few snaps of Jeff and Darren from a quick shoot last night. I never realized how much I need my new 70–200mm lens after getting a full-frame camera; 70mm is much too short, even in my small studio room.

It’s strange to see so much natural vignetting. I’m not sure if it’s the lens or the way the light falls off when spread across the background from one direction.

Aguado Dionisio — Study in A Minor (arranged for ukulele)

Jeff — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 12:26:20 +0000

Got my new tenor ukulele and it’s an absolutely gorgeous instrument, although I’m sure that’s related to the cost¹. After a few weeks of trying out the Aquila’s they came with, I put on some Worth brown strings with the low-G.

Study in A Minor is a great piece to learn because it’s relatively simple (so I don’t get discouraged too easily), but there are three tricky parts to focus on improving. They’re also each difficult in their own way, gradually working the dexterity or flexibility in a certain finger or two.

I wanted to film this as a record of the way the ukulele sounds now; it’s a solid lacewood spruce body, so the tone will develop over time as the wood matures. Also, so I can have a quick reference of what it sounds like with longer nails on the picking hand (which were promptly cut after, because they were driving me nuts). It’s relatively clear sound, whereas without nails it’s sort of “wet”.

I first learned this on a soprano ukulele, and I had to retrain my fingers to stretch on the tenor. It was a BIG difference, and I didn’t think my fingers would stretch far enough at first.

It feels amazing to practice something for weeks, and to finally have it click one day. Then you never want to stop playing cause you’re afraid you may lose it the next day.

Jesse says I paid “real instrument” price for it.

Will you sign my banana?

Jeff — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 11:09:03 +0000

No better place for a bachelor party than in the market, where people see you in a giant banana costume and assume you’re either getting married or lost a bet.

Before going out drinking, they went paintballing, though this still didn’t preclude the groom-to-be from having to wear the bright yellow costume in the field.

One of several bachelorette parties we ran into that night.

Banana job. Notice the expression on the guy peering behind the costume.

I can see the moon from here.

This is going on Facebook.

Cheers.

Oh So Good.

HWAAAAAAARGH.

This was a coincidence: running into two people on the street dressed as monkeys when you’re dressed like a giant banana.

Peed a bit.

I ran out of banana jokes.

My cousin Chris

Jeff — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 20:23:48 +0000

I’ve only shared about two conversations in my life with Chris — the last of which was about seven years ago — owing to the fact that we live on opposite coasts of the country. But Darren and I recognized him as one of us: someone who thinks for himself and doesn’t buy into the whole Chinese culture unquestioningly. This is in contrast to many of our other cousins, who seem to love their parents simply because they were birthed by them, not necessarily because their parents are good people.

Chris happened to be passing by for a wedding, so I hosted him for two days. It was interesting to meet him at this point in our lives. I wonder if I’m actually more similar to Chris than I am to Darren, mainly because of how our creativity defines us. It was so easy for me to relate and talk to him. And as with Darren, I actually felt like Chris was family, closer to a brother than a cousin, which is all too rare among my blood.

As an industrial designer he does amazing drawings, full of vibrant colours that pop-off the page. I asked him to draw something on my dry erase board because drawing is a creative ability not in my possession, and I find the process fascinating. It was a logistical challenge because he would smear his existing work every time he rested his hand on the board for stability.

He’s my exact opposite when it comes to health. He’s a vegan, while I’d find it impossible to give up meat, let alone butter and ice cream. He just literally biked 100km a day across Canada, while my lifestyle could be considered sedentary at best, with only Tai Chi and some mild calisthenics in my exercise routine. And yet we’re the same weight and shape. It’s sort of eerie to see him drawing in this video; aside from a shorter haircut, it’s almost like I’m watching myself.

The time he spent here passed quickly, as I introduced him to the ukulele. Aside from catching up and learning about each other, most of the two days were spent experimenting and playing together. Eventually, we went to a music store and bought him his own Mahalo ukulele, which filled my heart with glee. Darren and Jeff are coming up for a visit next week, and hopefully Chris will be able to hitch a ride with them for our ukulele band before we all head back to Toronto for Crystal’s wedding.

nothing gold can stay

Jeff — Thu, 19 Aug 2010 02:29:16 +0000

The tears and the smears on my glasses which I look through to type this are telling me I’m still not over her. Or perhaps, the idea of her, because she had always held back a part of herself from being mine completely.

This is what happens when a true friend stabs you in the front. I guess I’ve been avoiding these thoughts for a while now, and confronted with them in conversation, the reality has never been more clear.

I’m still a broken man.

Even with the mixed signals, the inconsistency, and the pain, it was still the most significant relationship I’ve ever had, and that’s what makes it so hard to let go. My other relationships may have been free of all the drama, but they also lacked the depth, intensity, and intimacy.

There’s nothing I would have changed but the end, which dragged on for a year, one suture ripped out after another. It was far from a clean break, and anything but resolution.

I know I wasn’t the only person to go through the pain of separation, but the break wasn’t supposed to last forever. I was willing to step away so I could heal and be strong enough to be friends in time, to be there for her, to be ready to accept the next guy. And most importantly, I was willing to come back.

She was supposed to be strong enough to let me go until I was ready.

I believed her.

Why couldn’t it have ended that night, instead of the mindfuck that continued for months after? Why couldn’t the last thing for her to leave me be the letter she wrote on the stationary I gave her? Why couldn’t she have kept the promise she made to do whatever it took to keep me in her life, and stayed away?

We haven’t seen each other in over half a year. It’s been even longer since we had an actual conversation. It’s time for me to wake the fuck up. It’s time for me to deal with my emotions and the reality of the situation. It’s time for me to move on instead of holding on. It’s time for me to understand that I’ll never be what she needs, and she’ll never accept me as I am.

It’s time for me to realize that it’s over.

Transplant

Jeff — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 13:37:42 +0000

I got the chance to work with Team Emily to document their latest artist vision, titled Transplant. The brilliant concept:

This summer, Emily Comeau (a fibre artist from Quebec) and Emily Cook (a book and paper artist from Ontario) will be collaborating to create an immense and interactive tunnel book made from local plant materials to install in a barren patch of city.

Transplant is an outdoor living book installation. Constructed from found natural materials both living and dead, this installation is subject to the whims of nature and the designs of man. Each page of this book resembles an arch inviting the audience to enter the immense tunnel book. Within the pages are paper pockets where seeds will begin to sprout as the structure is gradually beaten down by the weather. Additional arches/pages will be added throughout the exhibition as the evolution of decay and growth take over. This evolution speaks to the ebb and flow of construction and decay as the manmade world interacts with the natural one. The story of this project is one of transformation and reclamation of the urban landscape by nature. It is the story of a cycle of decay and rebirth and of a balance that can be achieved when nature’s collaboration is desired rather than fought

The sunlight coming through the seeded paper is such a wonderfully striking image. This is just the first archway, constructed on the lawn at the Ottawa Arts Court, which is a very high-profile place (you can see the Rideau Centre right across the street). More details and ornaments are planned as the project continues over the next year.

My desire to record things comes from the fact that most things in this world are so ephemeral. This being a structure that can dissolve in the rain, as well as being an area frequented by drunks¹ and homeless people, meant I was pretty adamant about documenting the whole process.

As we were leaving the area at the end of the day, some guy just up and peed into the bushes next to us.

29 9/12: The Rocker

Jeff — Fri, 13 Aug 2010 23:13:21 +0000

Music has always been a big part of my life, so it’s strange to consider the fact that I only seriously took up an instrument the year I’m turning 30, which I generally consider late to be starting anything new.

I used to play piano and flute, but that was never really my choice. For the former, it was more of my mom wanting me to be a good Chinese boy, and me not wanting to let her down. When it came to the latter, my school had a strong emphasis on arts, and either visual arts or music were mandatory. I chose music¹, and played the flute; far from ideal for a teenager going through puberty and an identity crisis.

I bought my first ukulele a few months ago, and I don’t think I’ve stopped playing since.

Jammin’ in my jammies. With what may possibly be an erection.

Photo by Jess.

So much of my life has been filled by those four little strings. It’s an entirely new medium I’m still exploring, a muscle I’d yet to flex, a way of expressing myself that’s so unlike any of my other outlets.

I get pains in my fingers and wrists from playing too much, so I structure my life around the breaks; doing laundry, writing, cleaning my room, sorting my paperwork until the tingling or pinching goes away. The pads of my fingers are dead. I used to fall asleep thinking of her — now I work out scale patterns and chords across the fretboard in my head until I pass out. I even decided to make the ultimate commitment and grow out the nails on my strumming hand because the longer they get, the more pleased I am with the sound (and I find both long nails and asymmetry absolutely disgusting).

It’s come to the point where I’d rather play ukulele than play games, or go out, or talk to people. I love playing so much that I enjoy it even though I’m still no good at it.

I turn 30 in three months, and music is my hot hot bath, my dead end, and my girlfriend.

The Turning 30 Series

Ironic that I’m so much more of a visual artist now.

© Jeff @ equivocality, 2010. | 3 comments
Post tags: growing old, music, reflection | Categories: Photos, Random, Thoughts

Protected: The Process

Jeff — Thu, 12 Aug 2010 12:47:36 +0000

second show

Jeff — Mon, 09 Aug 2010 14:25:30 +0000

I was supposed to hang out with Jesse last weekend. We were going to jam and talk and throw around ideas, and I was really looking forward to it because we always seem to be doing something when we’re together instead of just chillin.

See, it’s right here on his schedule, between Floors and Dinner.

Unfortunately, I developed my annual case of strep throat that day and had to stay away from everyone.

Then, on Friday as I was going back through our e-mail correspondence, I realized that Jesse inviting me to play ukulele meant playing a house party on Saturday. We met up about two hours before we were on and had a very quick rehearsal to work out some parts without Nic being able to back us up, as well as extra bits and pieces of songs I figured out over the week. Being so rushed was probably a good thing; it kept my mind off the nervousness.

Turns out it was an outdoor gig playing to a group of hipsters at a barbecue, and we were opening. It didn’t go terribly well. At one point in the middle of Write Protected I screwed up the strumming so badly that we had to stop the song and restart, but we quickly picked up on a count of four and went on without another hitch. Jesse remarked that it was good practice for next time, because problems come up that you never think of when you’re in a new environment.

This time it was a tuning peg that somehow got knocked in the middle of the set. I only discovered this once the song had started — and I was the only one playing so I couldn’t stop. It must have been off by an entire semi-tone cause it totally messed up my senses and I had a hard time telling if I was even playing the right chords. It was also night by the time our set ended, and I had a hard time seeing the frets, which only added to the confusion.

Note to self: strum once to before each song to make sure the instrument is in tune.

I did, however, learn from the last show to bring a side-table to use as a stepping stool. Usually, I sit when practicing, but at the 160 Workshops show I had to stand; not being used to the posture meant I was constantly adjusting the uke in the arm between verses and coming in late in the bar as a result. I brought a little Ikea side-table this time, and it worked really well.

Even with all the glitches, as rushed and under-rehearsed as we were, it was a fantastic time and a great experience.

The next set was in the basement, with a girl and guy looking like they were kids dressed up and pretending to be Ziggy Stardust, singing to generic electronica. And people were loving it in their slow-nodding, hipster kind of way, although the weed and booze may have helped (Audra would later remark to me that it was hard to tell how into it people were cause of how cool everyone was trying to act).

I also missed seeing a very drunk Tina corner Jesse. I could totally see this being her scene.

Check out Audra sporting her stylish Hurley cap.

Jesse was being interviewed later that night and also wanted to stay to see Matt play, so the girls and I headed to grab a bite to eat. Audra bought us all pizza and drinks at a nearby pizzeria, which had the BEST CRUST I’ve ever tasted.

Before the end of the night, in a good mood and feeling safe, I admitted to Em my crush on her boyfriend. She took it well.

© Jeff @ equivocality, 2010. | 6 comments
Post tags: experiences, interesting people, music | Categories: Daily Life, Photos

Friends from France

Jeff — Wed, 04 Aug 2010 14:25:42 +0000

Frédéric and Misun were briefly in Canada. They went on a short cruise with Misun’s parents and made a quick stop in Ottawa so naturally I took the chance to see them. It was a lovely evening for a barbecue and eating out in the sun.

It’s so interesting to hear about everything they’re doing with their little art gallery studio, adding to my excitement of visiting them in a few months.

Seeing the new baby. Mommy barely looks like she was pregnant, and Frédéric looks like he’s been eating well in France.

Miric tests out the paper airplane launcher I bought the boys. It was one of the few non-violent toys I could find in Toys R Us.

Caramelized onions make the potato salad.

Akio, with long hair, is now a spitting image of his brother.

First born.

Stephane has a large collection of toys. The boys were in heaven.

There was an entire cabinet of sorted Lego parts, such as this creepy compartment of Lego heads.

Explaining how the submarines lights can move independently, and how it’s going to find all sorts of treasure.