It probably won’t surprise you to learn that “thinking outside the box” has just been voted the most overused business cliche in the country. We’re grateful to a Nintendo-sponsored poll for that piece of news. Read more here.

I have here under compiled a list of words that are commonly spoken, mostly in offices (but also outside). I will not bother to explain the meanings as they are all self explanatory. They are in no specific order.

• Synergy
• Strategic fit
• Core competencies
• Best practice(s)
• Bottom line
• Giving 110%
• 80-20
• Maximize / Minimize / Optimize
• Bring the “A” game
• Seamless
• Let’s take this offline
• Actionable / Impactful
• The iPod of <insert industry name>
• Going from good to great
• Ballpark figure
• Reaching “that” level of granularity
• Gotta raise the bar
• Step up to the plate
• Key take-aways
• We’ll loop you in
• Game-changing
• Dynamic
• Under the radar
• Drinking from a fire-hose
• Revisit  (an issue)
• Expeditious (or expedite)  or facilitate
• To tell you the truth (or “the truth is”) , Honestly/frankly
• 24/7
• Close the loop / Out of the loop
• Benchmark
• Value-add
• Proactive
• Win-win situation
• Think outside the box
• Heads-up
• Push the envelope
• It’s not rocket science
• Behind the curve
• Jump the gun
• Fast track
• Result-driven / goal oriented
• Knowledge base
• At the end of the day
• Touch base
• Mindset
• Client focus(ed)
• Paradigm
• Game plan
• Leverage
• Moving forward
• Keep in view
• Hit the ground running
• Bandwidth
• Home run
• Recommendation
• Being on the same page
• Let’s run the numbers and see how they look?
• My plate is full
• Liaise
• I’m on top of this
• Taking (something) to a new level

While I will try an update this list when I can, do feel free to let me know about your experiences.

My next article will be on “generality” and its common usage in movies, flirting and general conversation.

The Mumbai Indians – the newest oxymoron

On one side is the war between the Shiv Sena and ______ (fill out a name here). More like a territorial battle to decide which pack keeps the prey. Whether it should be Bombay or Mumbai is a matter of much concern and debate. And only the indigenous people get to stay. Really gels with my other post on The Fairness Fixation. Wow. Silly us. First we make the right to move around and find occupation in any part of India one of several fundamental rights. Then we decide to have a turnstile system which only allows people with a limited number of surnames to pass through the gates of India’s commercial capital. No one even cares about how this influx of people was, at one point in time, the reason behind this state’s economic fate. The Tatas, Ambanis, and so many others should have been also been denied entry long ago by this logic. At least Gujarat (which is already such a developed state) would have been so much better, and Bihar/Jharkhand would have been the places to work in and bring up a family. No, now Maharashtra is only for the Marathi manoos. Sorry rich guys, dreamers, singers, actors, industry fore-runners, businessmen, businesswomen. Run along now.

Just so you know – there’s a huge inflation in food prices. But I am making my blog a reflection of what gets media attention in India (you know – the more important things…. who cares about food prices?) . So I will not talk about this either.

While this charade goes on and the politicians slam each other in rhetoric mockery, lets see what else is happening.

The Raper struck with the Rapier

A high profile policeman and other high fliers in trouble for raping a girl a decade back. The girl also committed suicide a while after this heinous incident. The media pulls up the story, re-opens the file. This is national news. Some people don’t like the media’s attitude in this, but in my opinion, they are making an example out of the SPS. Sometimes, things do turn ugly, but hopefully for the betterment of society. And who could forget the SPS shamelessly smiling for the cameras when all this started. He thought that being a decorated civil servant was some kind of an armour and a license to act out his whims.

And now the SPS was slashed thrice with a knife by a design student. Fresh off the press. As my friend Bhavya says, “Why so serious now Mr. Rathore a’ la Joker?”

Let’s play some ball. What? Guns? Hey – that’s not the shooting we do around here!

Fantastic way to kill sportsmanship. Whip out guns and force teams to forfeit the match so that your own team wins the Basketball tournament – the All India Basketball tournament. Smooth.

Nothing has been proven so far, but even if this had happened, I wouldn’t be too surprised. It is tragic that mixing two perfectly sane sports – shooting and basketball – has to happen in such a context.  Besides, apparently, in Varanasi, these things are counted as “chalta hai”. How pathetic. Actually, how apathetic. Oh I made a joke! Very punny!

Quoting from the Times of India:

“It was total goondaraaj at BHU and it was being organized and encouraged by BHU officials themselves. There were two local teams from Varanasi and the officials wanted both to advance to the final. They threatened and manipulated every team that they played against,” alleged Delhi University team manager and SAI coach Ajay Kumar Singh.

For a more expert opinion, read my friend, Karan Madhok’s blog.

Oh this has been a fun few minutes.

No, this is not one of the posts about how we have a new decade coming upon us. Nor do I have any intention to participate in the crazy posting that happens at the turn of every decade. Or every century, or the last millennium.  But then all that dies out in a while when people are done at looking at articles like “The Year That Was”, “Top Hits & Misses of 2009”, “What to look out for in the new year”, “Feng Shui for the New Decade”, etc. Then the phase of new year resolutions passes over. And then we all realise, it really isn’t much different now is it.

But, this decade is different. Before you think this paragraph is diving into the undesirable depths of cliches, let me declare that I will not talk about who will rule the world, how the oil market will fare, whether the Carbon emission targets be met, will more was/epidemic break out, who will be the newest talents on the sports fields and in the movies, and definitely not about what one should / shouldn’t do in the coming space of time.

Yet this decade IS different. For all the people in my peer circle – my friends, my batch of colleagues, some juniors, some seniors, my batch-mates from high-school – a lot of people. And in the most non-trite kind of ways. We are in the decade which takes us from our 20’s to our 30’s – the decade that I’m sure each and overyone of us will remember the most in our lives, for reasons that make life worthwhile. Some of the best stories that we pass on to our next generation will take seed in this decade. Some of the greatest people we will meet in our lives will be somewhere down this decade. This is the first decade we get to live as adults, with responsibilities – the ones that keep growing. And our shoulders will keep getting stronger as we cross rites of passage for various floodgates that are thrown open to us.

There are a lot of things so special about the next 10 years that the possibilities send a chill of thrill down my spine (risking a very old cliche here).

Education

This is one sure thing – all of my peers will do their Masters/ MBA’s/ Ph.D’s sometime during this decade. Who will specialize in what still remains uncertain as so many new fields come up, and so many hit and trial attempts to chance upon something that one likes don’t allow anyone to totally make up their mind yet. The bankers might take up the political sciences, the marketers might wanna choose finance… anything is possible.

Careers

All our careers have already begun. For some of our juniors, they will begin midway through this year. But the shape it will take in the next ten years? Who knows? Many will start their own ventures, many will become high ranking officers in Governments and big/small companies. Some of the smart/lucky ones will make their first million (USD). Some will have ups sand downs, but more or less everyone is going to settle down into something that he/she loves or is quite comfortable with. My best wishes to those who don’t.

Relationships

Aha! This will be a fun-filled decade for more than 95% of us. Some flings, some relationships (both sweet and sour, or hot and sour, or any such flavours of Indian-Chinese soups). In fact, half way into this decade, many people will even discuss cliches like who will be the first one to get married, therefore labelling him with another cliche: “Dead Man Walking!”. But then, it seems that many will find the right guy/girl they wanna settle down with. While that may be the beginning of the end of their lives, the wedding celebrations, I’m sure will be legendary, when people come from all over the world to see their friend(s) getting married, to take part in bachelor(ette) parties, cocktails, and various other paraphernalia. And no matter who gets married first, there will ALWAYS be someone who comments – “I always knew he/she would be the first of us to get married and destroyed.” Some other free-ranging horses out there might even hit on people of the opposite sex at the weddings (full on Heyy Babyy style).  But I’m sure there will very few of those. The parties will be insane with countless tales being recounted, mostly to embarrass the friend and remind him/her of their hopeless past. Mostly the girls will got to the husbands-to-be and tell them how lucky they are to be married to their friends, and the guys will go to the wives-to-be to… I don’t know, see how cool she is -will she grab a beer, does she like Govinda, (put your own coolness-test question here) and such.

I daresay some people will even have kids. And all the uncles and aunties would be expected to get chocolates and gifts for them. Some uncles and aunties will become the favourites, and some will be disliked for their loud guffaws or scary mustaches. Well…. while many people are actually looking forward to those days, I think many more (myself included) are not.

I sincerely hope nobody gets divorced during this while though. It would be funny in a very sick way if the cause of the divorce was adultery with someone whom everybody else also knows.

Parties

The nights of drunken debauchery, which is currently at its peak, and will remain so till we are through with grad school. But then, I am given to think that this will start phasing out as people become more responsible and , I hate to say, older. I do hope however, that when old friends meet (Khoob jamega rang jab milkar baithenge aap main aur Bagpiper style), they will in no time resort to the shamelessness shown circa 10 years ago. Ah, I can just imagine the looks of shocked belief (and sometimes severe disapproval) on the faces of their spouses or significant others.

My 2 Paise’s Worth:

Well, its these and many other reasons that make 2010-2019 some of the most precious and memorable years in all our lives – which we will remember for the fun and mirth, the idea of being in our 20’s, increasing responsibilities, and many new people in our lives – not just those whom we marry or the kids, but newer people from all walks of life, who are, like us, walking towards the unknown somewhere else on Earth, or maybe somewhere very close to you. You will have your own car(s), bought from your money, and your own house. A lot of things of your own, and a lot of stories to share.

What will change things is how we will react and change when we meet these people at the new places, under new circumstances. Some people will change towards the better, and some won’t. But then, they would be living the version of “better” that they are more comfortable with. The story of the past has already been printed. The future is still in the press.

And having said that, let me just wish everyone the very best in everything thats gonna come at them at a speed they never imagined. May the wind always be at your back and the sun upon your face. And may the wings of destiny carry you aloft to dance with the stars. Live and stay healthy, wealthy and wise. May the party never end.

Cheers!

There have been many such episodes. As a result, I do not have any song of my own. Just a bunch of undocumented compositions sitting at the back of my mind. And I do not want to record some instrumental stuff right now – I am of the opinion that an instrumental comes after a person has proved his/her worth as a lyricist and composer. Exceptions do exist, of course.

But when I turn on the TV and listen to some of the most popular songs on MTV, the lyrics have me stymied. The lyrics are horrible. Utter bull-shit, I dare-say. Yeah, the beat might be fun and energetic, but the lyrics might as well have been written by a three year old. No offense. Some of these songs are:

1. Sexy Bitch (David Guetta ft. Akon):

She’s nothing like a girl you’ve ever seen before
Nothing you can compare to your neighbourhood hoe (pointless line)
I’m tryna find the words to describe this girl without being disrespectful
The way that booty movin I can’t take no more (what happened to not being disrespectful?)
Have to stop what i’m doin so I can pull up close
I’m tryna find the words to describe this girl without being disrespectful

(Might I add here that beat is awesome. DJDG is a dude.)

2. Replay (Sean Kingston):

Shawty´s like a melody in my head (What? “Shawty” is the new hip lingo? What kind of euphemism is that?)
That I can´t keep out
Got me singin´ like
Na na na na everyday
It´s like my iPod stuck on replay replay-ay-ay-ay (Cheeeeeeesy!)

3. Lollipop (Lil Wayne)

Ow… Uh Huh…
Young Mula Baby (let it not be said that I didn’t try to comment on this line. I’m just at a loss of words, that’s all!)
I say he so sweet
Make her wanna lick the rapper (cheesy pun on wrapper/rapper…. or maybe a mistake gone unnoticed)
So I let her lick the rapper

She she lick me
Like a lollipop (x4)

Shawty wanna thug (Usage of “Shawty”, I’m sure has a direct causal link with the song’s success)
Bottles in the club (Umm… what is the relevance of this line, in a para that otherwise only talks about sex?)
Shawty wanna hump
You know I’d like to touch
Ya lovely lady lumps

I know the beat and bass is very cool, but the lyrics have the same effect as being constipated after a long night of eating shells of prawns and no water.

Now I don’t get the lyrics of all songs when I first hear them, but the tune sometimes is so catchy that you can’t help but get your “booty-a-movin'”. Well, these guys are very talented musicians and producers. And very very successful too. Can’t take that away from them, can you? Especially when Shawty is fire burning the dance floor at every self-respecting nightclub. I LOVE these songs when I’m out there – they’re so high in energy and the msuic is so funky. But it kinda makes me feel like, “What the hell! Why did I not carry on with the lyrics I had written for my song? They might not have been so colourful, but maybe the people would have liked my tune too….

But then I think about great people, inspirational people like Bono, John Mayer, and Brandon Boyd (Incubus) whose lyrics are as soulful as their melodies. This is what makes them or will eventually make them classics – timeless. People will always have a copy of “The Joshua Tree” somewhere in their closets. They will always remember Drive and Daughters. It these lyrics (and of course the musical composition) that define the longevity of a song’s popularity. One is as important as the other, and maybe everyone realises that at heart.

It is with that inspiration that I will have a song someday that people will sing with me, and not just break dance to.

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

The End.

An epitome of contradiction, isn’t it?

Some of you might have read about the pretty high profile case of Wallace Souza – the host of Brazilian crime show, Canal Livre, and state legislator who was expelled from the legislative assembly earlier this month. He was accused of commissioning real-life murders to bring in more viewership to his TV-show, which was all about crimes in Brazil. If you want to read more, I have found an article here. While most of the other stuff that is really happening is not serious and not tantamount to murder, they’re still pretty interesting. While some of these “staged acts” are work of genius, some other are so poorly executed that you can help but talk about it. In both cases, the business objective is fulfilled.

Of course, in India, we have our own thing going on. A long time ago, there used to be events called Swayamvars (meaning: choosing your own husband), where men would come from far away places and take part in competitions of brain and brawn to win the hand of princesses in marriage. Thats where the idea of being able to choose your own husband and the tests came in. But these stories, like those of many other civilizations, have become a thing of the past. Yet, one of India’s drama queens (also a cleavage queen)- Rakhi Sawant decided to bring this back – by having a Swayamvar on national TV, in the format of a reality not very different from Big Brother.

Some dude from Canada (I think) called Elesh won this shindig. So then, Rakhi and Elesh were bethrothed. And then Rakhi (who has a history of such stupid behaviour) started her drama on how Elesh wasn’t the kind of person she was looking for, and she even had her doubts whether he had the financial means to support Rakhi’s supposedly glamorous and luxurious lifestyle. No doubt, this attracted more people to watch the show, and whatever shows came after it. Of course, there was a spin-off show starring Elesh and Rakhi (to see how compatible they were – why they would do this on national telly beats me) called Pati, Patni aur Woh (meaning: Husband, wife and the other one). I mean, really? Seems they lost more while gaining viewership – their dignity.

Well, Rakhi is a class act, and you’ll probably hear of me talking about her at other times too, but wonder why she dragged the poor bloke into this. Is he smitten? Or is he too, a ‘playa’?

While this is an example of only one show, there are so many more. For example, there’s is an Indian version of “I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!” called “Mujhe Iss Jungle Se Bachao” (meaning: Save me from this jungle). Seriously, wtf? Anyway, they have a bunch of Indian celebs from the small and big screens as the participants. One of the female actors, who portrays a traditional and innocent saree-clad Indian girl in a very famous saga (Shweta Tiwari, how is better known as Prerna from Kasauti Zindagi Ki) with hopes of leaving an impression on society, are flashing their bikinis. Mind you, I’m a guy, and didn’t mind this at all. However, the contradictions never cease, do they? Bikini-clad hottie taking a waterfall shower and traditional housewife seem to be perfectly harmonious. I think its perfectly normal for a person to wear or do anything that they feel comfortable with (If you have it, flaunt it eh?). But, all of India wanted to see this for real, with their own eyes. I’m sure the effect on TRPs was more than palpable.

And there are another couple of shows – MTV Splitsvilla and Channel V Roadies – another few of those shows where a bunch of youngsters are thrown into some confined space and all the drama, gossip, etc is captured on TV. Now, obviously, this show is meant to instigate the interpersonal dynamics between people, to see who’s the stud and who’s the slut, who’s the bitch, and who’s Mr. Nice Guy. Drama is inevitable. As contestants of shows like Splitsvilla and Roadies have confirmed in the past that they can do anything to be in the limelight, channels seem to have no qualms exploiting the situation.

In other shows, people talk about extramarital affairs, murderous thoughts, plans of revenge, and generally spicy stuff that is fun to watch but the worst thing if it happened to any one of us. I obviously have no complaints here – I like watching this stuff too – its entertainment! It exactly what these artists want to do. Its just that sometimes, the scripted aspect becomes so obvious that it becomes difficult to swallow. Then, it takes away from the entertainment and becomes an effort to push people into seeing things that they, honestly, didn’t sign up for.

Enough writing. I don’t wanna be on the computer missing out on some slap scene, or some bitching-fest. I wanna see the scene where everyone is so pally with each other outside, but has such sweet nothings to say about them when alone.

In India, a babu is a VIP – some sort of bureaucrat. He/she doesn’t even have to be a really important VIP. Even a little is enough. Even a junior ranking officer in the administrative or civil services wield enough clout to indulge in the pleasures of babugiri (literal translation: the idea of being a babu). A higher ranking officer will of course enjoy a better, more premium, and better spread of services that he/she isn’t actually entitled to, but still gets it owing to his/her political clout and internalized sense of power.

I get it. The previous para was a little confusing. You might wonder – what services? what privileges? Aren’t such babus supposed to be entitled to such privileges? Why is this article being written in the first place?

Let me try and explain. Imagine you’re a local grocer. You’re used to people coming over, buying flour, soap and other inane stuff. Then, a motorcycle pulls over. A policeman (in his uniform of course) is accompanied by his wife. He walks in and you salute him and do a shy namaste to the wife. Then they stroll around your shop, get their monthly groceries, toiletries, the works. Once you have packed everything up in a jute bag, you send your boy to help the wife carry it. The policeman lags behind. He didn’t pay for what he bought (in this case, read as snatched, stole, extorted). You could ask him to pay. But then, he might wield his policely power bestowed upon him by the Government of India, turn against you, raid your house, make life miserable for you, and get you stuck in litigation that is so convoluted, time-taking and painful, that these few bucks aren’t worth the trouble. So you don’t ask for the money, and neither do you bring up the amount outstanding since the last time sahab and memsahab paid a visit. It’s all done and done. In return, you only hope that this man will be your saviour should you cross roads with goons.

You get it now, don’t you. And this is not just with policemen (of whichever rank). All those who are employed by the Government in a civil or administrative role, no matter how junior, can avail of this facility, and most of them (because some of them are actually honest) will use whatever amount of power they have to simply show you that they have that power and you do not. The babugiri is not limited to free groceries. You are limited only by own imagination. You can use the government rest-houses/hotels/cars with chauffeurs/fuel for the car/subsidized rates at the ration store (all paid for by the tax payer) for yourself (which is fine), and for your relatives and friends (which is a dire inefficiency in the economy that drags us down as a rock would sink a gold-fish). One of the biggest department stores in my hometown closed down because it couldn’t take the losses precipitated by this free-unloading of good from the shop.

It doesn’t stop there. You can get your relatives and friends interviews at jobs, admission into schools/colleges of choice, with courses of choice, etc. by just making that call. There goes the seat of a deserving candidate to make space for one who had the contact, no matter what his capability. The smart candidate will now pass out from some other college which didn’t need so much hard work to get admitted to, butuwho cares? It makes so much sense to just be acquainted to such a babu. Imagine the trickle down of benefits that you stand to enjoy. All paid for by those fools who work so hard to make a living and are then taxed because they made money doing so. After all, who should enjoy the benefits of the rising middle class? Who needs proper roads and utilities when your babu contact can hook you up with the deals at the right times?

And yet, there are so many others who curse the ease by which people who are in a certain position use their standing, but at the same time, desire the convenience that this shortcut entails. While getting groceries and electronics tit-bits for free is cheap and unacceptable, who wouldn’t like a government hotel booked during peak season? Is that acceptable? Be careful, because the answer is tricky. And it could lead to a very slippery slope.

It is such slippery slopes that threatens the integrity of a society. And this is not just the case with babugiri. There are hundreds of other things that seem harmless at minor levels, but  just avalanche because of collective action into some menace that makes life so difficult. It makes self aware people guilty of hypocrisy but helpless in getting out of this ditch that they inadvertently dug for themselves. People who create the rules of the society that we live in, and people who serve to implement these rules seem to have found a way to circumvent the system they vowed to protect. It is this callous attitude that systematically demolishes the foundations of civil society.

So the next time you approach a bureaucrat to do you a favour by pulling his strings, try thinking of the consequences if this act were to avalanche. Today you might be at the vantage point. Tomorrow, you could be the victim who has to wait in line while somebody else just walks past. That is what makes us part of the system that we criticize so much.

The first one is about the spate of allegedly racist attacks on Indians in Australia. Depending on what kind of media you have been following, the loose story revolves around a bunch of Indian students in Australia who have been victims of violence. Now all that the authorities are actually debating is whether the attacks were racist or opportunistic. Well, this shindig has its own twists and turns and episodes of drama. Some officials concur that the attacks might have been racist, some others don’t and still some others who have vacillating opinions. Being an Indian myself, I was pretty disturbed by these events, no matter what the motives. And as we watched on National Television, this turn of events could mark the beginning of the end of the Indian diaspora.

The second story is about a series of pretty high profile ads broadcast on TV and other Above The Line channels propagating the properties of fairness creams. There are a bunch of ’em in the Indian market, and all somehow converge into similar ideologies to market their product. Fair & Lovely (a product) for example, wastes no time in showing the huge successes of some ladies – some air hostesses, some newscasters, some businesswomen – and behind all these huge successes lies a little secret – now hold on…. wait for it as the drama unfolds…. the successful girl on the TV screen  holds out her hands, in which is cradled a tube of Fair & Lovely Fairness Cream. And then comes the information dumping – this cream apparently lightens your complexion and makes you more attractive, and subsequently, more successful. Hey…. soon competition reacted with similar ads, and now they even have some of this junk for males – its called Fair & Handsome (really???).

So those were the two stories. Seemingly unrelated. But then, there could be so much behind it all. Lets think of the ad first. It is of course one of those classic examples of really fallacious thinking that causes many women to lose their pride in their complexion and misleads them into adopting this product, meddling with their melanin proportions (the pigment that gives our skin its colour), and the poor girls hope that they will be “accepted” into the high-fly society. In fact, I know for fact, from dermatologist reports that these creams will not make a person permanently fairer…. only as long as the person keeps using it (which translates into increasing revenues for the company). Classy huh! Some of my countrymen and women feel that fairness=success, the phenomena I’d like to refer to as the FAIRNESS FIXATION.

And it is this ideology that makes us Indians more racist than others – maybe even the most racist people in the world. Ok…we didn’t resort to violence, and in no way do I condone the events in Australia. But hey…. we’re the ones who’re discriminating on the basis of skin-colour. We’re the ones attributing success to the fairer folk and therefore, more difficult times to the darker ones. India is a huge country, and is constituted by a wide spectrum of colours, ranging from the fair folk of Kashmir to the darker folk of Kanyakumari. Some of our Gods are represented by a bluish complexion which alludes to their dark skin. Yet, we are bent upon convincing people that the fair ones are more successful, and a silly fairness cream is the small secret behind tremendous success.

That kinda makes our reaction to racist behaviour quite hypocritical. It is wrong to base judgments on colour. What happened in Australia (if it was racist by nature) was absolutely wrong. But how does the behaviour of our own people any less wrong? Just because we do not injure them? Yet, we profile them, and sometimes look down upon them, target them in our diatribes, don’t give them their due respect, even though we know fully well that they’re equal in all rights. We’re a precocious lot, aren’t we?

Recently, I read an article by one of my favourite columnists – Jug Suraiya, and I’d like to reproduce an excerpt from his post (which more or less communicates the same sentiments as mine):

Caste apart, real or imagined ethnic traits compound our racism. People from the north-east are said to have ‘Chinky’ (Chinese) eyes and are routinely asked if they eat dogs. Even in so-called ‘mainstream’ India we sub-divide ourselves with pejoratives: ‘Panjus’, whose only culture is agriculture; stingy ‘Marrus’; mercenary ‘Gujjus’ who eat ‘heavy snakes’ for tea; lazy, shiftless ‘Bongs’; ‘Madrasis’, who all live south of the Vindhyas and speak a funny ‘Illay-po’ language. In our ingrained provincialism is our much-vaunted and illusory unity.Our racism is largely, but not exclusively, based on colour. Caste is India’s unique contribution to the lexicon of racial bigotry. Whether ‘caste’ – a result of cultural and social segmentation – can legitimately be conflated with ‘race’ – with its genetic and physiological underpinnings – is a matter of academic debate. However, as only too many horror stories testify, the average rural Dalit fares worse on the human-rights scale than her ‘kafir’ counterpart in the worst days of South African apartheid.

Why is dark literally beyond the pale for so many of us? Is it an atavistic throwback to the supposed superiority of ‘white’ Aryans vis-a-vis the ‘non-white’ original inhabitants of the subcontinent? Is it the result of 250 years of white rule under the British? Is a pale skin, as against a deep tan, a testimonial to social rank, segregating those who don’t have to toil under the sun from those who do? Is it an amalgam of all these?

The full article can be read here.

There you go. It is not wrong to fight against racism. Our need to experience equality is one of the many reasons why we’re a special species. But it is as wrong to harbour feelings of dissent even in you own homeland and harbouring hatred in other places. We should be proud of the RGB of our flesh-tone. Hey, the only difference between us and another race is their skin’s melanin content. Success isn’t even part of the differential. Those ads are bull-shit! Unless you foolishly want to believe that not using this crap is gonna make you darker…. unsuccessful… less attractive… ineligible… incapable of marriage and healthy offspring… whatever! Throw these demons out! And stop being hypocrites.

No wonder we can’t stand racism. It reminds us disquietingly of the face we see in our own mirror.

Anybody who is even remotely loyal to my blog and my lovely pieces of literature would know about the article that I posted on the Aasha Build – the community service project that was happening in Bangalore (now ridiculously known as Bengaluru), India. Some people had flown over from Singapore after a massive fund-raising stint to build houses for some poor and homeless folks.

The project is now over, and it was a massive success. The volunteers had a lot of fun, and, in the words of Deep Hazra (a fellow volunteer), ” It was a moving experience.” Well, I, for one, am very glad that this project achieved the success it deserved. I’m sure that the benefactors will remember this group of students for all their lives as people who they knew nothing about, but still built them their homes. I’d like to congratulate Anupama, and all of her team for going through with this. I only hope that others will follow in your example and proactively make a change in the lives of the poor and needy. Our generation, whom many older people view as apathetic and obstinate, has once again stood up to prove just the opposite.

I am posting a couple of pictures here, courtesy – Deep. You can find the rest of his photos on his facebook profile. And if you aren’t friends with him, I’m sure you’ll find something at the Aasha Build website. One again, Congratulations everyone! Great work!

Do leave your notes on their website.