Dragon Heart

Life continue after the pain

noreply@blogger.com (Princesshai) — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 07:10:00 +0000

Dear Bro,
I know its been so long since i wrote the last letter. I know i have to write a letter everyday since i said it is an everyday letter for you. But for some reason like my job i could find a time to write to you every and i do apologize for that. I know you do understand. And that even if i didnt wrote to you i always find a time to remember you or talk to you like you are just near to me. I went to mom house last weekends. Kyle is a very fun and smart kid. His mom said he always have the resemblance of as he grow up and yeah she is right about that. While i was there he sudden went to my direction and look me in the eyes and said that he did miss you so much. Mom hear that and she suddenly smile and was amaze how our nephew did misses you. She even told me that a week before Kyle clean the cabinet where your picture is at. He said it looks dirty already and you will get mad if it wasnt clean. Mom is ok now everytime we talk about you she is not in tears anymore but i can still see the sadness in her eyes. And im sure she do miss you more that any one of us.
I had guess youg password in your yahoo and friendster too so i am planning to edit it and make it look nice even if your not here. We do continue our life but we always think about you all the time. Specially me because i am now staying in the old house we had when were small.
Staying in our old house really brings back times of our childhood. The fun and the sadness we had together. I do always think about you face all the time. I sometimes wonder how it will be if your here in some situation that i been having in my daily basis. I did had a hard time getting over too all the sadness i felt when you left. But i guess in ok now. Im continuing my life as it has to be. But i always do thought of you everyday. There wont be a time that i remember you and even talk to you. Even though it looks like im just talking to the wind i some how felt that you are always right next to me. When i am out i do look at the sky sometimes and think that your up there looking back at me. I even smile sometimes and imagine that you are smiling back to me.
I know it sound funny or wierd but it does makes me happy when i do all this stuff and it does help me to keep on continuing my life, knowing that you are gone and wont come back anymore. I am sad to say that your girlfriend didnt live with me anymore. There are something that had happened that made me decided to tell her to leave the house. I guess she move on already and i heared that she already had a boyfriend. I guess its a good thing that she is starting her life again with a new man. But i hope he will always remember you and always let you have a small space in her heart.

I got to go now bro i got to go back to my work. I do apologize again and i do miss you so much. I will try to write again soon!!!! Love You!!!

Busy as always

noreply@blogger.com (Princesshai) — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 03:24:00 +0000

Dear Kuya,

Its been 6 month already since you left. Mom told me about that last 19th of this month. She said tomorrow which is the 20th of this month will be your 6 month. I can still see the sadness in her eyes when she told me that. And when ever she heard about people who fast away. I can see she is a little affected too. Plus when she see the things that you like, food you love to eat, people you know, or the places you go to she will sure always mention you like them you knew them or you been there. I guess its really is so hurtful to a mother to lost a son of her child. Just like what the dialogue or the movie we watched last night. The guy on that movie said it will be easy for him to accept that his some will be the one to bury him, than him be the one to bury his son. I really don't know how hurtful it is. For a parent because i wasn't a mother yet. But when i imagine it i don't think i really going to handle the pain. But i am glad mom is trying to live her life. I can hear her laugh now unlike the past few months. I guess what help her a lot is having Kyle with her all the time. I know Mylin do miss his son Kyle but I'm sure she understand that our mom need someone to be with her and to keep her company all the time. I know i did mention i will visit your grave by end of this month. I hope i can, because right now I'm not really sure if i can. My computer at home is broken so i really got to fix it. That is the reason too why i cant post everyday like i promise before too. I guess even if you plan for the future you cant still do all that you plan perfectly. I hope i could fix the computer soon though. It will be a great help for me specially on my job and on my blog too.
It was raining today, actually it is raining so hard right now. I hope mom is ok back home. There still some leak at the roof of our old house. So i hope mom is managing it good. Well kuya i am really hoping i can visit your grave this end of the month if not i will on the first week of the next month. We really miss you. But i always think your just around watching over us as we accomplish our human life.

You will always stay here in my heart forever!!!!!

Holy Week

noreply@blogger.com (Princesshai) — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 07:07:00 +0000

Dear Kuya,
Hello kuya the holy week already came. It was a very long vacation for me since my work start on Tuesday and not the usual Monday. Mom and our nephew kyle came by the home and spend there Holy week with me. They are still there and i guess they will stay longer and i am happy about that. There having some problem with there electric connection back there house. Kyle is growing good and strong. Although sometimes his hard to take care because he seems to be hard headed sometimes. But his cute and so smart. Sometimes he become talkative and keep on telling stories specially to mom. And his lovable. Almost all of my neighbors like him. They always say his cute or handsome. I do have my computer connection now. I know i promise when i did have my connection i will post here everyday. Well i still cant my computer kept on crashing or shutting down when i open it. So i cant make a post while I'm home still. If i will try i will spend a lot of time making one post saving it before the computer crash and when it crash i will open it back again and continue posting. Which is really annoying to do. But don't worry i already ask my co worker who know more about computer than me to help me fix it. All i need now its just money for the expenses to buy the part needed to be replace.
I met one of your friends brother. He did ask about you. And i did old him your already in God hands. He was kinda surprise about it. And he did told me too that his brother your friend already pass away too. He was just a month early than you. Before i go i told him that you and his brother already met there in heaven. And probably look back at us here. There are still lot of people who didn't know you already left. So something i got to tell them. Honestly its kinda hard to keep on telling people when they ask. Sometimes i just wish they stop and just realize your gone. I'm glad mom and kyle at with me today. If not i will crying again when i remember you. Specially at night before i go to sleep.
There is just one more thing that bothers me. I sometimes see your yahoo id do log in on Sms. Not only me but your girlfriend and some of your friends do see it too. I even saw your yahoo id did log out yesterday. I did left a message there already to inform the person who is using it. What makes me think is that I am sure you wont give your password to anyone. So we really wonder who would that be or if it was just the yahoo itself. But mom said maybe you just want to do it just to remind us not to forget you. Dont worry kuya we wont forget you like i always say to you. There are so many memories we have that is so hard to forget.
I just watch the Fast and the Furious part 4 last holy week. I know you will like that movie. You love cars and drifting. I do thought maybe if we were just lucky and born a little richer i know you will be having lots of cars and would probably involve in a car race.i would probably going to watch X-men when it start showing. I know you will like that movie too. And we would probably going to watch it together. Our you will watch it with you girlfriend if i didnt have time yet.
I do sometimes wonder how were you know and what were you doing. But i can only guess and day dream. Like the rest of us we always think you just left and move on another state or province. It will be much more easier to us to think like that than to think that your really gone and wont come back. I do know you wont come back. I do always tell myself that you just left so you can prepare our place in heaven. So that when its our time to go there it will much better. I know i will see you soon. When my time has come. But for now i know i got to keep on living for mom, kyle and the rest of our love ones. I just really do miss you bro and like i always say i wont never forget you. I got to go now. I will try to post again as soon as possible. Love you Bro!!!

Love,
Shiela

Reminising the good memories

noreply@blogger.com (Princesshai) — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 01:31:00 +0000

Dear kuya,
Some of your friends came and visited me last weekend. They all stay till dawn and chat with me. We chat about a lot of things. We talk about how fun we were when we are small kids. How we always play on the fields. I remember u always hate it when i join your games with your friends. I was angry at you but i do know that your like that cause u know i will only lose cause i am still small and your friends are good in what ever games you play. One of your friend said he still cant believe your gone. I just smile back and say that your not gone you always here in our heart in our memories. All the happy and sad memories we all share wont gone away. The fun we have as kids. One even said its really fun to be a kid. Spending all your day running, playing and laughing with your friends. But when your grown up already. All things get serious. You got to work think about what your future will be. Face lots of problems that you didn't have when your small. Be stress with all the trials in life that you will take. But you know whats the best thing about being a kid. Its having you as a brother. I am happy that your my brother. I know there so many girls out there who will wish to have a brother like you. Because even if you get older and mature you still enjoy life. Even when you get sick. You didn't show sadness. You always tell jokes and will make all people laugh. That's one of the things your friends miss about you. And that's one of the things i do miss about you too.
I will going to have my computer connection back at home already. I told Marilyn your girlfriend who live with me to go apply for a connection today. She said she think it will take 3 to 4 days. I'm sure if your still here you will be the first one to be happy. Because when my computer have connection already then you can spend your time playing your favorite online games. And I'm sure you do miss your car on the Drift city game your playing online. So i do know that's the first game you will download on my computer. Come to think of it i guess i will check it when i get my connection back. This games you play when your still here will really do bring back good times we both have. Since i am a gamer myself too and we do both spend more time talking about games than other things. We both like music, T.V shows, movies, and both online games and video games.
By the way before your friends leave we decided and made a plan on visiting your tomb after the Lenten season. They will all going to come. The idea came from Marilyn. She said she want to visit you. We are really looking forward for that. Were going to go to mom house first so she can come with us i know she will love to join us in visiting you.
I will cut this letter for now. Don't worry like i told you i will have my connection back home in 3 to 4 days , meaning i can do post blog even when I'm home already or on my day off. I love you Bro always !!!

Love,
Shiela

A Son

noreply@blogger.com (Princesshai) — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 02:38:00 +0000

Dear Kuya,
Hi Kuya I just discovered something last night. Me and your girlfriend Marilyn had a long chat. And she mention me that you one told her that you had a son to your first girlfriend back when were teenager. I was surprise and so happy and really wishing its true. Because it will be so cool to know that you have a son. I been thinking of finding a way on how i can talk to your son mother. I am wonder if her uncle which is a friend of mine knew about it and i can ask him if its really true. I want to make sure its true, but i have a feeling it is really true. The only thing that worry me is that the mother will deny it and say your not her son Father. I am really praying that she will say the truth and the truth will me what i really wanted. If that happened i will tell this to mom and I'm sure she be so happy. I am not planning of making a big issue out of it. I just want to know the truth about it. And i will make things be as quiet as possible. Your girlfriend is ok about it too. She do really miss you. She cried again last night while were talking. I told her that we all do miss you too. Specially mom because mom had been with you from the first day you were form on her womb. I do cry too when i think about you. But i don't show it. I cry alone and talk to you like your just near me. Yes i do always wish your still here. And that we still talk about things and we still laugh about your jokes, spend the holidays with you and play games like car drift on our computer. I know you really love playing that game and rpg games.
Mom is going to wait for me today. She is hoping i could visit her today. I hope so too but i am not sure yet. I don't know if my salary will be today. I got to go the the repair shop to fix my psp too and buy a new battery for the old cellphone i am planning to use. I'm planning to have the computer connection back. So that i can go online even if I'm not at work.
I been missing so much bro. All the time i think about you. Me and your girlfriend is planning to visit your tomb. Hopefully we can by next week. I love you Bro always !!!

Love,
Shiela

She do miss you !

noreply@blogger.com (Princesshai) — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 07:19:00 +0000

Dear Kuya,
Hi kuya i hope u like some of the updates i made for this blog. I been busy doing it that's why i didn't wrote you for awhile. Last Sunday while i was resting and folding my clothes to put it on my cabinet. I was listening to my mp3 and was smiling and enjoying it since i put new song in it. I am enjoying Superhuman by Chris Brown and after that the song of Mariah Carey " Bye Bye" just started. Although I'm used of listening to it. And everytime i heared it i just smile and look up in the sky. But at that time it suddenly hit me. I suddenly felt my tears are falling. I started remembering the days we always laugh cause of your jokes. And how we spend our day talking about our characters in the video games and online games we play. Remember the time when we go to the mall and we watch a movie. I remember we both have our own french fries but u still get some of mine when im busy watching. It was a fun memory. We do wrestle too when were small. And our younger sister always cry and you two will fight then mom will get mad at both of you then it will end up spanking you and her. I really do miss you already. Theres no letter here in this blog that i didnt cry while writing. I do try not too because i know you hate it when we cry. I guess its just too emotional to me cause we are so close to each other. We always love video game and online games. We both love cartoons on the T.V and always enjoy watching movies. You know i havent play any online games yet since you left. I just dont feel like i will enjoy it like before.
Earlier when i woke up. I did saw your picture behind Marilyn while she was sleeping. I guess she do miss you too so much. You been a very sweet man for her. I always see you getting food for her. And you always buy something for her on valentines day. You always protect her. That's why she always talk about you. And i know she wont forget you too.
Its time for me to go now kuya. I love you and miss you already.

Love,
Shiela

Dreaming of you

noreply@blogger.com (Princesshai) — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 03:01:00 +0000

Dear Kuya,
Hi kuya I know i haven't wrote for a while again. I was busy updating my other blog and this blog. I do it so that this blog i did for you will get some traffic. By the way I am in Tagig now. Our home town. I'm staying in the house we grew up. Staying there for a week now really did give lots of memories. How we both grew up and spend our days as kids there. But before i moved i did had a dream about you. Its my first dream about you since you left. In my dream i was in a strange place and walking. Then i suddenly saw you. Someone is helping you walk but i didn't recognize the person you with. Then you walk towards me and You whispered something to me. I can feel your lips are kinda cold and wet. I didn't hear what your saying. I'm still wondering until now what do u want to say to me. Then you after that you hug me so tight and i hug u back and i started to cry. I keep on saying i miss you so much. I can see that you were smiling. And by the way you hug me i know you do miss me too. They i woke up with tears on my eyes. And i starting crying and crying. I try to cry in silent cause Mom is just sleeping near me. I don't want her to see me crying. I'm sure she will ask why and i don't want to tell her that i did dream about you. Because I'm sure she will cry too. Like she did when she saw our cousin on Kyle's birthday. She said our cousin did remind her of you. I know Mom miss you the most. On my second day in Tagig i did cry too. I do wish your with me there. I'm sure you will love moving back to Tagig too and seeing your old friends.
I lost my phone yesterday. It made me sad because i save all the last text and the birthday message you sent me. I didn't made any back- up for that i wish i did. I know i can still buy a new cellphone. But i cant bring back the message text you sent to me when your still here.
Your girlfriend Marilyn is staying with me. I know shes missing you too. There wont be a day that we wont talk about you. She do wish she will dream about you too. She hope through dream she can see you again. And Hug you like i did.
I will go back making more updates for the blogs. And be back at work. I hope it will be less traffic later when i go home. But i know it will be impossible with all of the jeepneys, bus, truck, and cars on the street. I'm glad that in the morning i can ride a bus from Tagig that will go straight to Makati. I do miss you always brother. I know that your in a good place now. Away from all the pain. And I'm glad that even in my dream you did visit me. I love you!!!

Love,
Shiela

Hi Kuya

noreply@blogger.com (Princesshai) — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 06:24:00 +0000

Dear Kuya,
Hello again kuya i know its been awhile. Our office just moved so we are just finish putting back our stuff together and laying the cable cord for our computers. Although I'm still adjusting to everything. And actually i even got lost yesterday on my way here to the office. I know where your here you will laugh at me and tell me I'm silly. I know you are good at this. I always know places specially in manila area. I always thought that maybe its because you have a very good memory. Much better that mine. Unlike me you didn't get lost in anywhere in Manila. And admire you so much. I do wish i can be like you. That i know the routes of any jeepney i can see. Honestly they are really confusing. Specially now that there are so many jeep and lots of new routes. Plus there's a train station too already. But i do like the train more. I even ride on one today on my way here at the office. I realize riding a jeep will eat much of my time although its more cheaper than the train.
I thought of you today when i woke up. I admit that's one of the reason why i am making a post right now. I just remember how it was before when your still here. We been missing you. Mom miss you the most. I took Kyle on the barber shop last week. He didn't give the hair cutter a hard time. He been a good boy while the barber is cutting his hair. But he wanna keep on looking at the mirror so her mom really had a hard time holding his head to look on the other way. He is so adorable just watching him while his having his haircut is fun. After that we went to a food chain and eat some Halo - Halo. He love Halo - Halo look you do. He thought its a different kind of ice cream. I just got my psp back too now. I downloaded new games again. I have Mortal Combat. I know you will love that game. I really cant reach the high score or high level even in an easy mood. But to you i know you can do it. Your more good at it than me. Your a pro and I'm just a Rookie.
I do miss you Kuya. I wonder how it will be if you did get well and still here. If you will always play my psp. If you will move with me in Tagig which I'm 90% sure you will because you love it there. I love you Kuya. I got to go for now. I see you next time.

Love,
Shiela

Thank you

noreply@blogger.com (Princesshai) — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 04:07:00 +0000

Dear Kuya,
Hi kuya I know its been awhile again since my last letter. But i know you do understand why. Dont worry for sure when i get to move to tagig and get my cable connection back i can write to you everyday even on my day off.
We are all fine so far. Mom kinda feel some ache on her knee. Maybe because of the weather. Its been cold again recently. There are some times too that i reminisce the days your still with us. I do remember the day when were going to the hospital. Where inside the taxi and i look at you and you look so pale and weak. Your having a hard time catching your breath. But you look at me and say "Thank you" It really mean a lot to me. I can feel the sincerity on those words. It did made me wanna cry but i try not too show you that i am sad. I suddenly felt more sad cause i'm someway i am hope that it wont be the last Thank you word that you will say to me. When we get to the hospital. They did some examination to you. I know you really wanna stay there at the hospital but they didnt accept you. They say theres no available room for you cause there wards are full. I can see the sadness and worry in your eyes when we get back home. I guess you do really felt that your getting worst. I cant do anything at that time. I dont have enough money to spend to get you to another hospital. But i know your still happy that we did try. This letter really makes me cry. Remembering that sad day for me is so hard. Remember the feeling of hopelessness and sadness that i felt that day. I got to pause for awhile now. My tears are falling and i cant stop it. Im at the office im kinda worry someone will come to my room and would wonder why im crying. Kuya I always hope i have done a lot more for you. I honestly still sad that i didnt do the best i can to help you. I wish i have money to spend for you to get well. But i know right now i got to be strong for mom. I know she is more sad than me. We really miss you so much. And i will always say "Your welcome Kuya!" And if in our second life we still be brothers and sisters. I will still do all the things i did for you just to make you happy. I will do it because I love you so much.

Love,
Shiela

Busy day at work

noreply@blogger.com (Princesshai) — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 08:42:00 +0000

Dear kuya,
Hi Kuya i know its been a while again since my last letter. I guess u do know why already. Our life here are all ok. Mom is fine just have some body ache i guess its cause of the weather. Its been so cold from the past few weeks. Kyle is doing fine. His kinda excited about her up coming 3rd birthday this coming February 7. I promise i will buy him some cake on his birthday. Like i said on my lasy letter our office is planning to move. its every this are in place our office will be moving in Makati. SO mom told me to move to our old house in Tagig that will be a 3 to 4 ride to our new office. I know if i live there i will always remember you and Dad. We did spend our family day there. We start living there since i was in gradeschool and left that house when i am already working.So we did spend out youth days there. Plus i will always see your friends there. Which is ok in some way. It will just make me cry sometimes and i know it will. I always talk to Nang-Nang yung girlfriend everytime she get online. I make sure she will stay with me when i live there. I plan to enroll to a yoga class when we finally move to makati. Its something i wanna do for myself. Not just to lose weight but to be healthy cause i know im getting old na. By the way. Last Saturday i discover that one of my friend just past away. He got sick like you had too. It made me sad again. I havent seen her for years. Me and my friend Rea are planning to go to the funeral this coming Sunday. I hope we really can.
I do miss you kuya. It still makes me cry when i suddenly think of you. I guess cause your so close to me and your my only brother. Sometimes i wish your still around and we can still go out. I know you love malling. I saw the picture we took when we went to the disco together for the first time. I remember how fun u were. Making all of my friends laugh with all of your joke. I still wish we can still do that. But i know i got to move on and just always remember i got to continue my life and be fulfill so that when we meet again i will have lots of things and stories to tell you.
Well Kuya i got to go now. I got to go back to my work. I do miss you already. You are one of the reason why i smile when i look at the sky. I know that your there look at us and loving us always. Love you bro!!!

Loving you always,
Shiela

I apologize for not writing

noreply@blogger.com (Princesshai) — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 05:16:00 +0000

Dear kuya,
Hi Kuya I do apologize again for not be able to write you for the past few days. I been busy at work. I always have a week day report to my boss plus our office will move near Makati and it will be too far to my recent home now. I decided to move to Tagig too which is much near to Makati. I talk to your Girlfriend Marilyn if she can stay with me so i can be with someone if i move there. Mom already allow me to move there cause she understand that it will be very hard for me to commute everyday to go to work if the office move to Makati. We haven't move yet though but Rea uncle is already busy looking for any office space available for rent. So i guess by the end of the move i will be staying in our old house in Tagig for weekdays and go visit mom and Kyle on weekends. You know kuya even if i am busy i still do remember you. Specially if i talk to the people who miss and love you too. Plus Kyle always mention your name. And i guess he do miss you too. I had a chat to your girlfriend yesterday and she mention that she had a dream about you. and it made her cry. She said in her dream you came and she said to you that she will go to where you are now. But you said No. I told her well I know you to miss her so much. And that she cant be with you yet cause its not her time yet. I still do wish too that i can see you in my dreams too. And dream about the day that when were still small and we both play games. Like how you teach me how to play marbles and your text card. How we both love to watch Voltes V and other cartoons that you always didn't miss to watch.
It always been so cold recently too specially at night. Mom always mention that if your still here you might take the cold and will always complain about it. Well its really cold recently. I been wearing coat all the time i go to work. And i always have blanket at night when i sleep. Honestly kuya. I don't really wanna go to Tagig. I guess cause we grow up there and it will give so many memories to me about you. But i try to see it in a good way. I think if i go there i will feel much more closer to you that being here. Cause when i am there i will see lots of places and stuff that will help me remind how happy it was when your still here. Plus i will always see your good friends like LM and Jop-Jop.
I hope you do understand if i cant write everyday . I plan to have computer connection in Tagig if i move there already. If that happened i can then write to you everyday. For now i got to go i got to go back to my work. I love you bro and i really do miss you all the time. And your always in my heart and mind. I wont be a day where i didn't remember some of our past together.

Love ,
Shiela

Just as I promise

noreply@blogger.com (Princesshai) — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 08:30:00 +0000

Dear kuya,
Hi Kuya i just finish putting the song i dedicate to you. I been promising you that i will put the song here . Well now i finally did. I hope you will like it. I will put the lyrics of it here too but i guess i can do that by tomorrow. I got to write you a letter and get back to work. And like i said too yesterday that i will tell me all that did happened last long holiday. Well Christmas went out fine. We cooked some dishes. And ate together. Kyle did have fun and mom too. Although i can still see that she do miss you a lot. In her eyes i can still see that she is sad that your not with us last Christmas. The 40th days mas was held too in your memory. It was held last 29th of December. Lot of people came some of our cousin came too. And also our nephews and nieces. I can see kyle did had fun. He love meeting and playing with lots of people. Then on New year eve was a little quiet. Not like when your here. We just cook stay home watch movies and wait for the clock to strike 12. I wasn't that well on that day. I been having some body aches. I guess its cause the weather is so cold that day. Five minutes before twelve. I begun to make noise. I called Kyle and told him his allowed to scream and blow his trumpet . He really didn't know how to blow it though. He was so cute. But he did had fun he was screaming and kissing everyone. He always enjoy watching the firework in the sky. All is noise like usual here in the Philippines. I know everybody is happy. I began to think about you. And how we spend the holidays with you. Its really not that complete. Then on the first day of this year our auntie Elena invite us to spend the day with them. So we went there. We ate, listen to music, and talk about lots of stuff. Auntie Elfa was there too together with Auntie Nilda. They drunk some beer. Dance and have fun. They were a little drunk though and been dancing the chacha all night. Mom was just sitting watching them.
Right now mom and Mylin were busy running the Barbecue store that they just open. They just open it yesterday. I will go there and see how it was later after work.
Kuya I do miss you more and more each day. I always think about you. I always wish your still here. There are night when I'm on my bed that i still call you and wonder how you were . Then i will talk to God and pray that you and Daddy are both safe in God's Hand. I miss you bro. I always do. And just like what the song say " I will never say goodbye to you" I will just look up to the sky and smile and I know someday I will still see you and we will still be together. Love you bro!!!

Love,
Shiela

Dont have enough time

noreply@blogger.com (Princesshai) — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 09:58:00 +0000

Dear Kuya,
Its been a long holiday for me. And now i got to make this letter a quick one. I am sorry that i didn't have enough time to tell you all that had happend to us on the long holiday. I been doing a lot of work today. And i just get a little time to write to you. But i will write i letter to you tomorrow i promise. I got to go now cause its time to go home for me. I love you bro and i always miss you. I wish i can have my computer at home so i can write to you all the time

A Holiday without you

noreply@blogger.com (Princesshai) — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 08:12:00 +0000

Dear kuya,
Hello kuya i just drop by to my office today cause i will get my salary. I suppose to work though but i didn't feel ok since yesterday. I have an upset tummy. and i keep going to the comfort room. It did made me feel weak and my body is aching too. I know i did promise i will put the song today in the blog but i don't have time now. I got to go home a little early that usually Christmas season make the street so crowded. And if i go home late at night i will have a hard time getting a jeepney. I know you will understand. I saw mom crying earlier. She said she's missing you already. She saw the picture i took last Christmas 2 years ago. I don't know what to say to her to ease the pain. I wanna cry too but i try to fight it cause if i do everybody will cry including Mylin. I plan to go to the grocery later to buy the stuff we will cook for the Christmas eve. I still don't know how will our Christmas will be without you. You always enjoy Christmas. Remember we always have fun in Christmas eve even without any gift to each other where still so happy. We plan to cook only a few dish. I don't wanna cook and celebrate like usually. I'm sure we will all miss you on Christmas eve. I hope mom wont cry anymore. It hurt me more when i see her cry. I will make some vcd so we can watch it on Christmas. I am sure we wont go anywhere on Christmas eve we will just stay home. But I'm not sure yet. You know Kyle he might ask to go to the mall. I still didnt feel ok. I can feel my tummy is boiling and cramping. I hope i be ok soon.
I got to end this now Love you bro.

Love,
Shiela

I will never say bye!!

noreply@blogger.com (Princesshai) — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 09:26:00 +0000

Dear kuya,
Hi kuya It was my off yesterday. It suppose to me my off still now. But i agree with my boss about going to work today instead of working half day on the 24th. It will be hard for me to commute if i still work on the 24th. We did met my friend Ron last Saturday. I was with Kyle and his mom. It was fun. Ron brought a very nice remote car for Kyle and a pm3 player for Mylin. I got my PSP too. It look so nice. I do wish your here to see it and to come with us. Yesterday we went to the cemetery. We all went including our cousin Ton-ton. Kyle is with us too he was so excited when we told him we will be visiting you. He was so hurry to dress up. When we go there he keep on screaming your name and his eyes were really searching for you. When we get to your tomb and i told him your there i can see in his eyes that he was so confused. I know his still young and really cant understand. I guess he still wanna see you physically. He become quiet all of a sudden. It was funny cause he even try to knock on your tomb. We just told him your sleeping and cannot be disturb. Thats when he started to play. While where there we saw a rainbow it was so pretty. I imagine that your there looking at us and happy.
I was listening to this song " Bye Bye from Mariah Carey. I love the lyrics. It really make me think about you. I plan to put it here in the blog so we can always listen to it. I guess you will like that too. The lyric said that saying bye is really hard and that we will not say bye to the people who we love. I wont say bye too you bro. I will just say see you later i guess. Cause i know someday we will all be seeing each other again in a better place with god. I suppose to put the music today but i was so busy. So i guess i will do it by tomorrow. I will put the lyrics too.
I really miss you kuya. Every time i am commuting and on a jeep on my way to work i always remember you. Mylin our sister don't really wanna play the food she will cook for the Christmas eve, but i told her she got too. I told her too that you will be sad if theres no food and no celebration. I know Mylin miss you too. I saw her with watery eyes when she heard the song you always listen too when your still here. I still aways wish your still here. you will definitely love to play with my new psp. You always wish to have one when your still here.
Ohhh i got to stop for now. I'm crying already eh! Plus it still to get ready and go home. I love you bro and I really miss you sooo much.

Love,
Shiela

Been a month now

noreply@blogger.com (Princesshai) — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 03:07:00 +0000

Dear Kuya,

Hi kuya its been a month now since we part. Everybody is missing you already. Specially me and mom. Kyle missing you too he been saying your name often for the past few days now. I guess his wondering where you at. I don't wanna cry today so I'm listening to some rap and dance music. I know you wont like it if i am crying. I always like people happy. You always make people laugh. Thats one thing why you have so many friends. I just talk to your girlfriend today shes online in yahoo messenger right now. So i gave her the link to this blog. She said she been missing you so much. I guess she will always miss you. I always see you been a very sweet guy to her always. There one time you told me you two had an argument. But i felt so guilty about it. I know you always love her. And you did fight for your love for her. Even if your sick you still try your best to take care of her when she was still staying with us.
I don't know if my friend Ron will call me to meet him today. He told me he will call me today. So I'm just waiting. If now i will just stay here in the office and work. I wish your here. I will definitely going to bring you with me so you can meet him.I'm sure you and him will have something in common. Since you both love gadget stuff. And you both always make jokes. Thats one of the reason why i become close to him i guess.
We plan to go to the cementery and visit u tomorrow. It suppose to be today. But i told mom i really got to work. I guess you will understand that. I have so many loans to pay so i got to work.Some of our cousin with go with us tomorrow.
I really miss you kuya. I did cried last night thinking about you before i slept. I can still feel the pain in my heart. And in someway i still wish i do more for you. Sometimes i imagine that my wedding wont be like what i imagine it before. I always dream about it and i always dream you will be there. And that you will be the one of the people who will bring me to the airport. Sometimes i day dream about how you smile or how you look at me. It still break my heart and make me cry. I didn't go to the mall yet since you left. I really don't know how will i feel if i do. I don't know how will i feel too if i go to Angeles Pampanga. Cause it will remind me of you more.
For now i got to go cause i got to go back to work. I know you are happy now in gods hands together with Daddy. No pain and sadness. I wish god allow you to visit us today. Even just in my dreams. I do miss talking to you. and miss your jokes. I love you bro so much.

Love and Missing you,
Shiela

Sorry been busy

noreply@blogger.com (Princesshai) — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 06:36:00 +0000

Dear Kuya,
Hi kuya i know i haven't wrote you since i got my day off. I was planning to wrote to you when i got back to work but. I was so depress that day. I couldn't find a time to wrote to you. I know its not an excuse but i guess you do understand. If i couldn't wrote to you here it doesn't mean i forget about you. I always think about you. I'm just if i got my computer fix and back again at home i can wrote to u everyday. My day off when fine. I ever fix your cabinet. Mom was with me when i look at your stuff again. Its a good way of remembering you more. Mom didnt cry now, but you can see in her eyes that she still miss you. I just got my bonus too yesterday. Its was just a small amount but i did brought some gift for our sister and our cousin who live with us since u left. They did like it. I brought some food for our nephew Kyle too. You do know how he love fries and spaghetti. I did think about you all the way. I know if your still around you will like the gifts i will brought for you. I miss you bro. All the time. I talk to your girlfriend yesterday too on yahoo messenger. She did miss you too. She told me she still cry at night thinking about you. They will come here in the 29th for the mass for you.
Yesterday on my way at work i suddenly remember you. I was at the jeepney and i can feel that my tear are gonna fall. I just try not to cry but can't help it specially when it strike me that your totally gone and won't come back anymore. Kyle did keep on mentioning you last night. When my fiancee called he keep on saying it was you. I did wish it was you. I just wanna know how you been. But I'm sure you were fine and happy. No human need to think about and no more pain to deal with. My work is depressing sometimes. And plus Christmas is coming too. I don't know if i could pay auntie Nilda . I owe her some money and i did promise i will pay her this month. I honestly kinda worry what would she think if i couldn't pay her this month. I hope she wont get upset and understand that its really been kinda hard for me cause of all the expenses i got to pay.
A happy part of it is that my friend Ron is here. I guess his still in Boracay spending there vacation with hims family. Were planning to meet this Saturday. He said he will call. I will bring Kyle and his mom when i go to meet him. Ron wanna see Kyle too and Mylin. I did wish you could come with us. Ron mention before that he did was looking forward to meet you this time. But i know you be with us in spirit.
Well i got to end this for now. I got to go back to work. I'm sorry again. And I love you Bro always....

Love,
Shiela

Just busy but didnt forget you

noreply@blogger.com (Princesshai) — Sat, 13 Dec 2008 06:09:00 +0000

Dear Kuya,
I wanna apologize for the two days i haven't wrote a letter to you. I was busy at work and updating the old personal blog i made long before. I decided to wrote u while i still having my break. For the last two days that past nothing much happened. Mom and the rest of the family were all k. We don't have electricity though. Theres a fire at the wet market near us that destroy the electricity post that were connected to. I hope the electricity company will fix is soon cause its been humid to sleep at night. And Kyle is complaining about it and was so bored cause he cant watch the television. Plus there been a robbery happening since the blackout has started. But don't worry about us. We always make sure the house is secure and our cousin Jun is staying with us so we can be safe. Its my day-off tomorrow so i guess i cant write a letter to u for two days. My computer is not fix yet so i don't have any ways of writing to you when I'm off at work. Next week will be the arrival of my friend Ron too. And two week to go and its Christmas. We wont be that happy like we used too when your here. We will all miss the time when we spend it together with you. We eat together. Plus you always requested your favorite dessert the Buko salad.
I guess i got to end the letter for today. My break time is off now so i got to go back to work. I been missing you bro. Been missing the good times we always share. I miss your laugh. Specially your joke. your a good joker, you do always makes me laugh. It still making me cry now just thinking about it. I really do miss you. I love you bro!!!!

Love,
Shiela

Still Wishing your here

noreply@blogger.com (Princesshai) — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 09:43:00 +0000

Dear Kuya,
I went to eat at one of the fast food nearby my office. While i was eating I remember you. I know the fastfood chain is one of your favorite. And i know you will be so happy if your with me. I do remember the day when i treat you.I always remember your smile while im eating. Your smile is always unique you show your dimples when you smile. Auntie Nilda always say that to me every time we talked about you. She always say that she always like your smile.I did order your favorite too. And think about you while i eat. I dont wanna cry while im eating so i just try to remember all the good things we have. The time we go to the mall and eat out side. Its still not the same without you. Every time i see your picture it makes me think how it is to have a day again knowing your not here now.
I talk to my friend Ron today. He told me that he was looking forward to meet you when he come here for a visit. He will give me his old PSP. I know you will like that. And you know i will let u play with it. We always love to play games. I guess thats one of the way we spend our time together before. We always talked about the games we play. And what level are we at already. And i know you always get higher level than me. Your good at it. Sometimes i even ask u for some hint on the games we did played before.
Its 5:48 now. 2 minutes more and i be on my way home. So i got to end my letter for now. I miss you bro.

Love,
Shiela

A letter for someone who I will miss

noreply@blogger.com (Princesshai) — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 07:57:00 +0000

Dear Kuya,
Hi bro! Its been 3 weeks since u left. I know right now your happy in the hands of God. I still do think about you most of the time. Specially now that Christmas is coming. I always do remember that we always celebrate it together. I know you do like this time of the year. You love the foods and the gifts. You know! me, mom, mylin (our sister) and our niece Kyle will going to miss you specially this coming Christmas. Thats one of the reason why i made this blog. So that i can have a place where i can write all the things that happening to my life and hoping that where ever you are right now, you will still read it. Every night i still do think of you. Reminiscing our times when were still kids. How you always depend me from all of the kids who bully me, even if your so thin and you will get hurt. And we do have a fight cause you don't like it when i play with your toys. How we always get spank together cause we always play outside even if its rest time. Remember the time when i got my first job. I got my salary and we watch movies together. Then i brought you a pair of sock for a cheap price but your still happy. And the time where we when to a River Fiesta and you almost get drown cause your just a rookie when it comes to swimming. And because of that incident you did learn how to swim. That one think i envy about you. I always wish i learn how to swim too like you. You always go to the Ilog Pasig River just to swim even if mom will spank you when u get back home. I always enjoy reminiscing those days. Most of them makes me smile. But in my heart i still feel the sadness. That your not here with us now. I know mom miss you too. and Kyle too. The first time he came back to the home after your funeral. He did look for you. Well his just 2 years old. Even if i explain it to him he won't understand yet. All he know is that your in another place far.
Don't worry about mom. I promise i will always take care of her. I know she's an old lady now. But she still a strong lady. I usually take her out when i can so she wont get bored at home. I brought a Dvd player for her to use. You know mom really love to watch movies like you and me. We always watch movies when i have my day off.
I hope you like this blog i made. With this i can express who much i love you. And how I'm missing you. I got to end my letter now. I don't wanna start crying again cause i know you don't like it when i get sad. Just remember i will always love you bro, we all are, and we always miss you.

Your Loving Sister,
Shiela